(Includes 22 jokes, 08 1056n,9,cf,wXT3a,5)
Also see BARANIMALS -
Goes To A Bar'
DOG3 file - 'USA & Russia In A Dog Fight'
OTH-ANI-SUPP2- 'The Koala And The Lizard'
OTHER_SPORTS - 'Romanian Football Moat'
Subj: Alligator Selfie (S904)
Drawing by Pol Leurs
From: Laney Huda on Facebook
Subj: Sam Buys A Pair Of Alligator Shoes (S215, S439b, DU)
From: DrTrueLove in 1999
(Also see 'Buying
Cowboy Boots' in COWBOY,
and 'Sam Buys A Pair Of Boots' in ELDERLY1,
.......and 'Bert's New Golf Shoes' in GOLF-SUPP)
Sam and Bessie are in their 90's
and Sam always wanted an
expensive pair of alligator shoes. Seeing them on sale one
day, he purchases them and comes home, asking Bessie, "So,
do you notice anything different about me?"
"What's different? It's the same
shirt you wore yesterday
and the same pants. What's different?"
Frustrated, Sam goes into the
bathroom, undresses and comes
out completely naked, just wearing the new shoes. Again, "So,
Bessie, do you notice anything different?"
"What's different, Sam? It's
hanging down today; it was
hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down tomorrow."
Angrily Sam yells, "Do you know
why it's hanging down?
'Cause it's looking at my new shoes!!!!!"
Bessie replies, "You should have bought a hat."
Subj: Alligator Shoes (S216, S612c)
From: ipkis in 1997
An Army Officer was on holiday
in the depths of Florida,
where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he
was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to
haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he
ended up shouting, "I don't give too hoots for your shoes.
I'll go out and kill my own alligator!" To which the shop
keeper replied, "By all means, just watch out for the two
Marines who are doing the same thing!"
The Army Officer went out into
the swamp. After a while
he saw two men with spears, standing in the water. "They
must be the two Marines" he thought.
Just at that point he noticed
an alligator moving in the
water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely
passive, as the gator came even closer to him. Just as
the beast was about to swallow the one Marine, the other
struck home with his spear and wrestled the alligator
up onto the beach, where several others already laid.
Together the two Marines threw
the gator onto his back,
where-upon one exclaimed, "Damn! This one doesn't have
any shoes either."
by John Graziano in 2008 (S614b)
An old farmer in Kansas had owned
a large farm for several
years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice;
picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach
trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for
swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided
to go down to the pond,
as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He
grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As
he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing
As he came closer he saw it was
a bunch of young women
skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of
his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out
until you leave!"
The old man frowned and grumbled,
"I didn't come down here
to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the
pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to
feed the alligator."
Moral: Old age and cunning will
triumph over youth and
enthusiasm every time.
Subj: Woman Stops Gator Attack w/Pistol (S865)
From: darrelldre in 2013
This is a story of self control
and marksmanship by a brave,
cool-headed woman with a small Beretta pistol against a
fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you
would trust to protect yourself?
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.
Here is her story:
While out walking along the edge
of a bayou just below
Houma, Louisiana with my soon to be ex-husband discussing
property settlement and other divorce issues, we were
surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator suddenly emerging
from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws
wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because
she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little
Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me I would not be
Just one shot to my estranged
husband's knee cap was all
it took. The gator got him easily and I was able to escape
by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best
pistols in my collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in
lawyer's fees was more than worth the purchase price of the
Subj: B.C. Sunday Comic Strip (S930)
By Mastroianni and Hart in 2014
Subj: Two Alligators Talk (S277, DU)
From: mombear1 in 2002
Two alligators are sitting on
the edge of a swamp. The
small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand
how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age,
we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hm. Well, where do you catch'em?"
"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
"Same here. Hm. How do you catch'em?"
"Well, I crawl under a BMW and
wait for someone to unlock
the door. Then I jump out, bite'em, shake the shit out
of'em, and eat'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator,
"I think I see your problem.
See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a
lawyer, there's nothin' left but lips and a briefcase..."
Subj: There's An Alligator In The Well!
From: ipkis in 1997 (DU)
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson
Johnny down to the water
hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping
the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He
dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket
and where's my water?" Gramma
"I can't get any water from that
water hole, Gramma" exclaimed
Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol'
alligator, Johnny. He's been
there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why,
he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied
Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as
I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
Subj: What Do You Call An Alligator In A Vest? (S998)
From: Matthew Warner in 2016
Subj: Alligator Contest (S411b, S617c, DU)
From: ginafm in 2008
A rich white guy in Georgia decided
that he wanted to
throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.
He also invited Leroy, the token black guy in the
neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the
backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good
time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ
and flirting with the women. At the height of the party, the
rich white dude said, "I have a 10 ft. Man-eating gator in
my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has
the balls to jump in."
The words were barely out of
the rich white dude's mouth
when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around
and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting the gator
and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the
eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds
of things like head butts and chokeholds, biting the gator
on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some
kind of Japanese Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing
Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.
Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it sink to the
bottom like a K-Mart gold fish. Leroy then slowly climbed
out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in
Finally the rich white guy says,
"Well, Leroy, I reckon I
owe you a million dollars."
"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.
The rich white dude said, "Man,
I have to give you
something. You won the bet. How about half a million
"No thanks. I don't want it.", answered Leroy.
The white dude said, "Come on,
I insist on giving you
something. That was amazing. How about a new
Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"
The brother said no.
The confused rich white guy said,
"Well, Leroy, then
what do you want?"
Leroy answered, "I want the name
of the muthafucka'
who pushed me in the pool."
Subj: Short Alligator Jokes (DU)
Florida Airport Work Site
in 2008 (S582c)
Source: (Removed from community-2)
Texas Alligator (S509b)
From: LABLaughsClean in 2006
..........At: (Removed by lablaughs.com)
Joe Goff, 6'5" tall, a game warden
with the Texas Parks and
Wildlife Department, walks past the 23-foot alligator that he
shot and killed.
You can view this amazing beast
by clicking 'HERE'.
New Orlean's Danger
..........in 2005 (S452)
Alligator Wake (S446b)
From: LABLaughsClean in 2005
..........At: (Removed by lablaughs.com)
Subj: Taking Your Alligator For A Drive (S385)
From: jerry in 2004
A Philadelphia woman who was pulled over by police when they
saw her driving around Philadelphia with a 3 1/2 foot long
alligator in her lap that had its nose poking out the window.
Newsday (Long Island, New York)
Why They Lock Their
.............Doors In Florida in 2005
(S435 in Nat_States-Supp)
To escape the grip of a crocodile's
jaws, push your thumbs into its
eyeballs -- it will let you go instantly.
Lorne Greene had one of his nipples
bitten off by an alligator
while he was host of "Lorne Greene's Wild Kingdom."
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The first-known contraceptive
was crocodile dung,
used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day in 2002 (S289b)
"Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed
the river." -- Cordel Hull