(Includes 18 jokes and articles, 01842n,6,cf,md4,5)
Mardigator from
AGAG
Animation Gallery
| Subj:
Alligator Jokes
(Includes 18 jokes and articles, 01842n,6,cf,md4,5)
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Mardigator from
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Also see BARANIMALS -
'Alligator
Goes To A Bar'
DOG3 file - 'USA
& Russia In A Dog Fight'
OTH-ANI-SUPP2- 'The Koala And
The Lizard'
OTHER_SPORTS - 'Romanian
Football Moat'
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(S614b)
by John Graziano From: Comics.com on 10/11/2008 |
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Top
Subj: Alligator
Contest (S411b, S617c, DU)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/8/2004
and
From: ginafm on 11/5/2008
A rich white guy in Georgia decided
that he wanted to
throw a party and invited all
of his buddies and neighbors.
He also invited Leroy, the token
black guy in the
neighborhood. He held the party
around the pool in the
backyard of his mansion. Everyone
was having a good
time drinking, dancing, eating
shrimp, oysters and BBQ
and flirting with the women.
At the height of the party, the
rich white dude said, "I have
a 10 ft. Man-eating gator in
my pool and I'll give a million
dollars to anyone who has
the balls to jump in."
The words were barely out of
the rich white dude's mouth
when there was a loud splash
and everyone turned around
and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy
was fighting the gator
and kicking its ass! Leroy was
jabbing the gator in the
eyes with his thumbs, throwing
punches, doing all kinds
of things like head butts and
chokeholds, biting the gator
on the tail and flipping the
gator through the air like some
kind of Japanese Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing
everywhere. Both
Leroy and the gator were screaming
and raising hell.
Finally Leroy strangled the
gator and let it sink to the
bottom like a K-Mart gold fish.
Leroy then slowly climbed
out of the pool. Everybody was
just staring at him in
disbelief.
Finally the rich white guy says,
"Well, Leroy, I reckon I
owe you a million dollars."
"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.
The rich white dude said, "Man,
I have to give you
something. You won the bet.
How about half a million
bucks then?"
"No thanks. I don't want it.", answered Leroy.
The white dude said, "Come on,
I insist on giving you
something. That was amazing.
How about a new
Porsche and a Rolex and some
stock options?"
The brother said no.
The confused rich white guy said,
"Well, Leroy, then
what do you want?"
Leroy answered, "I want the name
of the muthafucka’
who pushed me in the pool."
Top
Subj: Old
Farmer's Pond (S313b, S757)
From: pns on 1/30/2003
and
From: sam.hutkins on 7/16/2011
An old farmer in Kansas had owned
a large farm for several
years. He had a large pond in
the back, fixed up nice;
picnic tables, horseshoe courts,
and some apple and peach
trees. The pond was properly
shaped and fixed up for
swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided
to go down to the pond,
as he hadn't been there for
a while, and look it over. He
grabbed a five gallon bucket
to bring back some fruit. As
he neared the pond, he heard
voices shouting and laughing
with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was
a bunch of young women
skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of
his presence and they all went
to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to
him, "We're not coming out
until you leave!"
The old man frowned and grumbled,
"I didn't come down here
to watch you ladies swim naked
or make you get out of the
pond naked." Holding the
bucket up he said, "I'm here to
feed the alligator."
Moral: Old age and cunning will
triumph over youth and
enthusiasm every time.
Top
Subj: Two
Alligators Talk (S277, DU)
From: mombear1 on 5/20/2002
Two alligators are sitting on
the edge of a swamp. The
small one turns to the big one
and says; I don't understand
how you can be so much bigger
than me. We're the same age,
we were the same size as kids...
I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hm. Well, where do you catch'em?"
"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
"Same here. Hm. How do you catch'em?"
"Well, I crawl under a BMW and
wait for someone to unlock
the door. Then I jump
out, bite'em, shake the shit out
of'em, and eat'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator,
"I think I see your problem.
See, by the time you get done
shakin' the shit out of a
lawyer, there's nothin' left
but lips and a briefcase..."
Top
Subj: Sam
Buys A Pair Of Alligator Shoes (S215, S439b, DU)
From: DrTrueLove on 3/20/99
(Also see COWBOY 'Buying
Cowboy Boots'
and 'Sam Buys A Pair
Of Boots' in ELDERLY1)
Sam and Bessie are in their 90's
and Sam always wanted an
expensive pair of alligator
shoes. Seeing them on sale one
day, he purchases them and comes
home, asking Bessie, "So,
do you notice anything different
about me?"
"What's different? It's the same
shirt you wore yesterday
and the same pants. What's different?"
Frustrated, Sam goes into the
bathroom, undresses and comes
out completely naked, just wearing
the new shoes. Again, "So,
Bessie, do you notice anything
different?"
"What's different, Sam? It's
hanging down today; it was
hanging down yesterday and will
be hanging down tomorrow."
Angrily Sam yells, "Do you know
why it's hanging down?
'Cause it's looking at my new
shoes!!!!!"
Bessie replies, "You should have bought a hat."
Top
Subj: Alligator
Shoes (S216, S612c)
From: ipkis on 97-06-17
and
From: gattica30 on 9/29/2008
An Army Officer was on holiday
in the depths of Florida,
where he tried to buy some Alligator
shoes. However, he
was not prepared to pay the
high prices. After failing to
haggle the vendor down to a
reasonable price level, he
ended up shouting, "I don't
give too hoots for your shoes.
I'll go out and kill my own
alligator!" To which the shop
keeper replied, "By all means,
just watch out for the two
Marines who are doing the same
thing!"
The Army Officer went out into
the swamp. After a while
he saw two men with spears,
standing in the water. "They
must be the two Marines" he
thought.
Just at that point he noticed
an alligator moving in the
water towards one of them.
The Marine stood completely
passive, as the gator came even
closer to him. Just as
the beast was about to swallow
the one Marine, the other
struck home with his spear and
wrestled the alligator
up onto the beach, where several
others already laid.
Together the two Marines threw
the gator onto his back,
where-upon one exclaimed, "Damn!
This one doesn't have
any shoes either."
Top
Subj: There's
An Alligator In The Well! (DU)
From: ipkis on 97-10-11
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson
Johnny down to the water
hole to get some water for cooking
dinner. As he was dipping
the bucket in, he saw two big
eyes looking back at him. He
dropped the bucket and hightailed
it for Gramma's kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket
and where's my water?" Gramma
asked him.
"I can't get any water from that
water hole, Gramma" exclaimed
Johnny. "There's a BIG
ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol'
alligator, Johnny. He's been
there for a few years now, and
he's never hurt no one. Why,
he's probably as scared of you
as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied
Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as
I am of him, then that water
ain't fit to drink!"
Subj: Short
Alligator Jokes (DU)
| Subj:
Florida Airport Work Site (S582c)
From: tom on 3/12/2008 |
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 |
Subj:
Texas Alligator (S509b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/17/2006 |
Joe Goff, 6'5" tall, a game warden
with the Texas Parks and
Wildlife Department, walks past
the 23-foot alligator that he
shot and killed.
You can view this amazing beast
at the source above, or on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
| Subj:
New Orlean's Danger (S452)
From: darrell94590 on 9/27/2005 |
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Subj:
Alligator Wake (S446b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/5/2005 |
Top
Subj: Taking
Your Alligator For A Drive (S385)
From: jerry on 6/12/2004
A Philadelphia woman who was
pulled over by police when they
saw her driving around Philadelphia
with a 3 1/2 foot long
alligator in her lap that had
its nose poking out the window.
Newsday (Long Island, New York)
9-Jun-04
| Subj:
Why They Lock Their Doors In Florida
From: darrell94590 on 5/27/2005 (S435 in Nat_States-Supp) |
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To escape the grip of a crocodile's
jaws, push your thumbs into its
eyeballs -- it will let
you go instantly.
Lorne Greene had one of his nipples
bitten off by an alligator
while he was host of "Lorne
Greene's Wild Kingdom."
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The first-known contraceptive
was crocodile dung,
used by Egyptians
in 2000 B.C.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/11/2002
(S289b)
"Never insult an alligator until
after you have crossed
the river." -- Cordel
Hull
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Alligator
from Smiley_Central
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