>>> Subj:     Large Cat Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 19 jokes and articles)

Lion's Head from Animated GIFs Collection

Also see MATH4 file   - 'PUZZLE - Seven Puzzles'
         MONKEY file  - 'Mime Wears A Gorilla Suit'
         OTHER ANIMALS- 'A Lion In The London Zoo'
         RABBIT file  - 'Rabbit Running Through Forrest'
         PSYCHOLOGY   - 'How You See Yourself - Picture'
         WORDJOKES1   - 'Getting A Mynah Bird From Lions'
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Subj:     Lion Hugs Woman (S563b)           From: rfslick on 11/8/2007

 This 1,500 Kb movie shows a lion hugging and kissing
 a woman.  To view it on my web site, click 'HERE'.

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Subj:     True Love Never Dies (S589c)            From: darrellvip on 5/1/2008

 The first attachment is a still photo.  The second attachment
 is a video.  There's no sound, but look at the picture first
 and then watch the video.

 These 2 guys reared this lion from a baby in England but the
 authorities would not allow them to keep it once it reached
 maturity so they were forced to give it up, they took it back
 to Africa and placed it in a wildlife sanctuary, a year later
 they went to see it and were told it would not remember them.

 Click 'HERE' to see the picture and view the video.

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Subj:     The Dog And The Leopard (S229)
          From: thebartend on 6/14/2001

 A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa.  He took
 his faithful pet dog along for company.  One day the dog starts
 chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is
 lost.  So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly
 in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

 The dog thinks, "Oh Damn, I'm in deep shit now."  (He was an
 Irish Setter).....  Then he noticed some bones on the ground
 close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones
 with his back to the approaching cat.

 Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly,
 "Jesus, that was one delicious leopard.  I wonder if there
 are any more around here?"

 Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as
 a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the
 trees.  "Whew", says the leopard, "That was close. That dog
 nearly had me."

 Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene
 from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to
 good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.  So,
 off he goes.  But the dog saw him heading after the leopard
 with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
 (Irish paranoia)  The monkey soon catches up with the
 leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself
 with the leopard.  The leopard is furious at being made a
 fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see
 what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

 Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his
 back, and thinks "What the hell am I going to do now?"  But
 instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his
 attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet.  And just
 when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's
 that damn monkey.  I just can never trust him.  I sent him
 off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's
 still not back!!"

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Subj:     Circus Needs Lion Tamer (S149 and S360)
          From: thebartend on 12/07/1999

 A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people
 show up.  One is a good looking guy in his mid-twenties and the
 other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.

 The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it.
 This is one ferocious lion.  He ate my last tamer so you both
 better be good or you're history.  Here's your equipment - a
 chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

 The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the
 whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The
 lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she
 throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

 The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her
 and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves,
 kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.

 The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've
 never seen a display like that in my life."  He then turns to
 the young man and asks, "Can you top that?"

 "No problem," replies the young man, "just get that lion out
 of the way."

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Subj:     Man Before And After Marriage (S411, S507b)
          From: JokesUncut - 02 December 2004
      and From: auntiegah on 9/26/2006
  Source: http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/manmarriage.htm
 

.
	After divorce

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Subj:     Tiger Lick Ass (DU)

 Two tigers are stalking one behind the other in the jungle
 when the second tiger leans forward and licks the one in front
 on the ass.

 The first tiger says "hey, stop that!".

 Five minutes later, more stalking, the second tiger licks the
 first one on  the ass again.  Second tiger turns and gives him
 one upside the head.

 Five minutes later, tiger two leans forward and licks the first
 one again.  Front tiger stops and says "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING
 ON??"

 Tiger two says "sorry, I just ate a lawyer and I can't get the
 taste out of  my mouth.

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Subj:     Tiger And Elephant (DU)
          from Humor Box 03/18/97

 There was a big tiger who is proud of him, big and strong.
 He hung around the jungle and asked other animals, "Who is
 the strongest in the world?",expecting the answer that he
 was the strongest.

 One day, the tiger met amonkey, and asked who the strongest
 was in the jungle.  The monkey said, "You are the one, tiger"
 and ran away.  The tiger was very content again  with the
 answer.  Later, he saw a big elepant and was somewhat
 intimidated  because the elephant was so big.  The elephant
 looked stupid to the tiger so he proudly approached to the
 elephant, asked "Who is the strongest in the  jungle?".  The
 elephant looked down to a proud tiger, and grabbed the tiger
 with his big trunk, and threw the tiger into the swamp water.

 The tiger came out of the water and said with a small voice
 to the elephant, "You don't have to throw me out if you don't
 know the answer."

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Subj:     Short Large Cat Jokes (DU)

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Subj:     Monkey With A Death Wish (S590b in Monkey)           From: darrellvip on 5/4/2008 Photo from Yahoo! Video...

 This 6,500 KB movie is cute.  Click 'HERE' to view it.
 

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Subj:     1,000 lbs Liger (S579c)           From: ginafm           on 2/22/2008

 At just three years old, Hercules already weighs half a ton.
 His father was a lion and his mother was a tiger.  Hercules
 is bigger than both of them.  Click 'HERE' to read his story.
 

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Subj:     The Mule And The Lion (S516b in Horse)           From: LABLaughsAdult            on 12/4/2006

 This true story of a mules encounter with a mountain lion is
 eye opening.  You can read it and see the four pictures on
 my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Tiglets (S499b)           From: gordonschuk           on 8/6/2006

 These four photos of a mother tiger raising piglets are
 quite cute.  You can view them on my web site by clicking
 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Shade (S453b)           From: LABLaughsClean           on 9/20/2005

 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19990820

 You are a South African bush pilot.  You fly in some critical
 medical supplies and then enjoy a quick lunch at the hospital.
 It's a stifling 100 degrees and you're eager to get back up
 to the cool, high blue yonder.  On the way back to your plane,
 you discover that the only bit of shade, within 10 miles, has
 become very popular...  You start calculating the distance to
 the plane door and wonder...  "Do I feel lucky today?"

 You can view the picture at the source above, or on my web
 site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Father And Son At The Tiger Cage (S336b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 7/1/2003
 A father and his small son were standing in front of the
 tiger's cage at the zoo. The father was explaining how
 ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it
 all in with a serious expression.

 Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his
 cage and ate you up ..."

 "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.

 "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.
 

 Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

From: ossama on 98-04-18 (S64)
 According to Men's Health magazine, the male lion can have
 sex as often as 100 times a day. In fact, at 103 times a
 day, the other animals stop calling him "King of the Jungle"
 and start calling him "President of the United States."

From: auntieg 98-05-09
 Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

 The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint -
    no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

From: auntieg on 98-02-12
 A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking
 for something to eat.  He came across two men.  One was
 sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was
 typing away on his typewriter.  The lion quickly pounced
 on the man reading the book and devoured him.  Even the
 king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers
 cramp.

From: drgolfmd on 6/8/2006 (S489b)
 Two guys are chatting in a bar.  One says "Did you know
 that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
 "Damn," says his friend. " and I just joined the Elks."

 Q: Why do tigers live in the jungle?
 A: They hate city traffic.

 Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
 A: Too many cheetahs.

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big cat from Smiley_Central

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