Subj: Bird-Chicken Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 37 jokes and articles)
Rooster from
Animated GIFs Collection
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Subj: Bird-Chicken Jokes (Gz) (Includes 37 jokes and articles) |
|
Rooster from Animated GIFs Collection |
Also see BAR2 file
- 'Two Triple
Martinis At A Bar'
BIRD-DUCKS - 'Cock
Fighting In Louisiana'
CLINTON file - 'NY,NY'
DARWIN AWRDS1- 'Six
Drowned Rescuing A Chicken'
ELDERLY2-SUPP- 'Carrying
Bucket, Anvil, 2 Chickens, and a Goose'
FOOD_ETC2 - 'Lemon
Breast Chicken - Great Recipe'
HEAVEN2 file - 'Tom
Woke-Up In Heaven'
HORSE file - 'Chicken
And Horse Get Stuck'
JUDGE file - 'UK
Wife Files For Divorce'
KIDS2 file - 'Boy
And Girl Eat Lunch Together'
MATH4 file - 'MATH
PROB. - The Hen And A Half Problem'
......................-
'MATH
PROB. - Farmer Gives Away Eggs'
NUDIST file - 'Drivers
Kill Farmer's Chickens'
OTH OCCUP - 'Grocery
Store Magician'
OTHER-SPORTS - 'Minnesotans
Learn About New Sports'
POPE file - 'Colonel
Sanders Visits The Pope'
PREGNANT file- 'Pregnant
Lady And Farmer Talk On Bus'
REDNECK3 file- 'Sack
Of Chickens'
RIDDLE file - 'A
What Am I Riddle #19'
SIGNS-NAMES - 'Burma-Shave
1947, Chicken-Road Jingle'
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| Subj:
Chicken Revival (S484b)
From: auntiegah on 5/3/2006 |
 |
Very funny movie clip from the
Tonight Show. You can
view it on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
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Subj: Roosters
And Bell Ringing (S425b, DU - gay)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/24/2005
John the farmer was in the fertilized
egg business. He had
several hundred young (hens)
layers called pullets and eight
or ten roosters, whose job was
to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any
rooster that didn't perform
went into the soup pot and was
replaced. That took an awful
lot of his time so he bought
a set of tiny bells and attached
them to his roosters. Each bell
had a different tone so John
could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing. Now
he could sit on the porch and
fill out an efficiency report
simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster
was old Butch, a very fine
specimen he was too. But on
this particular morning John
noticed old Butch's bell hadn't
rung at all!
John went to investigate. The
other roosters were chasing
pullets, bells-a-ringing. The
pullets, hearing the roosters
coming, would run for cover.
BUT, to Farmer John's amazement,
Butch had his bell in his beak,
so it couldn't ring. He'd
sneak up on a pullet, do his
job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of Butch,
he entered him in the county fair
...and Butch became an over
night sensation among the judges.
The result... the judges not
only awarded Butch the "No Bell
Piece Prize" but they also awarded
him the "Pullet Surprise"
as well.
Clearly Butch was a politician
in the making. Who else could
figure out how to win two of
the most highly coveted awards
on our planet by being the best
at sneaking up on the populace
and screwing them when they
weren't paying attention?
\\\//
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Subj: Women
Vs KFC (S397)
From: JokesUncut on 8/28/2004
at http://www.ezines4all.com/at200407/053.htm
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Subj: Which
Came First? Riddle (S302b, DU)
From: LABLaughs.com on 11/11/2002
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x
ANSWER
Dinosaurs laid eggs long before there were chickens.
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Subj: A Rooster,
A Cat, And A River (S243b, S528)
From: dogbyte on 9/28/2001
A rooster is walking along one
day when he comes to a riverbank
with a big bag of cat food beside
it. Uninterested in the bag,
he looks over to the other side
and sees a huge bag of chicken
feed which instantly makes his
mouth water. Beside the bag of
feed is a small cat that is
hungrily eyeing the cat food on
his side.
The two look at each other and
wonder what to do. The rooster
says, "I know, if we run ? jump
high enough we should be able
to make it to the other side."
The cat responds "OK, let's give it a try"
The rooster heads back about
15 feet, makes a run for it and
jumps as high as he can.
He flaps his wings like crazy and
just makes it to the the bag
and starts devouring the chicken
feed.
The cat, now more motivated than
ever, heads back about 20
feet and makes a run for it.
He jumps, and SPLASH! He lands
right in the middle of the river.
The Moral of the Story:
For every satisfied cock, there's
a wet pussy!
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Subj: Why
Did The Chicken...(Teachers)? (S297, DU)
From: tnkr on 10/8/2002
Teacher: The reason the
chicken crossed the road depends
on the learning style of the
chicken. If the chicken
learned in a verbal linguistic/interpersonal
fashion,
then perhaps he spied several
chickens across the road
with whom he wanted to converse
about his experience of
crossing the road.
If he learned in a logical mathematical
way, then perhaps
he crossed the road to count
the number of steps and
compare these with other roads
that he may have crossed.
If he learned in a bodily kinesthetic
way, he simply
needed the mobility to break
up the tedium of standing
still.
If he learned in a visual spatial
way, he probably crossed
the road in order to attain
a better viewpoint for future
maps he might draw.
Finally, if the chicken learned
in an intrapersonal way, he
crossed the road so that he
might have something new to
talk to himself about.
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Subj: Why
Did The Chicken...(Scientists)? (S233b)
From: Science Jokes on 7/18/01
at http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
Why the chicken crossed the road according to scientists?
DARWIN:
Chickens, over
great periods of time, have been naturally
selected in such
a way that they are now genetically
disposed to cross
roads.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken
crossed the road or the road moved
beneath the chicken
depends upon your frame of reference.
PIERRE DE FERMAR:
1: I just don't
have room here to give the full explanation.
2: It did not fit
on the margin on this side.
3: Crossing the
road was the path with the minimum
value of propagation time.
GODEL:
It cannot be proved
whether the chicken crossed the road.
PAUL ERDOS:
It was forced to
do so by the chicken-hole principle.
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Subj: Why
Did The Chicken Cross The Road? (S378)
From: mgsweny on 4/24/2004
Subject: Why the chicken crossed
the road?
(Political Updated version)
GEORGE W BUSH
We don't really care why the
chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken
is on our side of the road
or not. The chicken is
either against us or for us. There
is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen,
you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken
crossing the road.
HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there
is a chicken, but we have
not yet been allowed to have
access to the other side of
the road.
JOHN KERRY
Although I voted to let the
chicken cross the road I am now
against it!
RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the
other side of the road had been
polluted by unchecked industrial
greed. The chicken did not
reach the unspoiled habitat
on the other side of the road
because it was crushed by the
wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken
crossed the road, but I'll bet
it was getting a government
grant to cross the road, and I'll
bet that somebody out there
is already forming a support group
to help chickens with crossing-the-road
syndrome. Can you
believe this? How much
more of this can real Americans take?
Chickens crossing the road paid
for by their tax dollars. And
when I say tax dollars, I'm
talking about your money, money
the government took from you
to build a road for chickens to
cross.
MARTHA STEWART
No one called me to warn me
which way that chicken was going.
I had a standing order at the
Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a
certain level. No little bird gave
me any insider information.
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with
THAT chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?
AL GORE
I invented the chicken!
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Subj: Why
Did The Chicken Cross The Road? (S197)
From: FrankRoesch on 1/07/2000
Political version
VICE PRESIDENT GORE
I fight for the chickens and
I am fighting for the chickens
right now. I will not
give up on the chickens crossing the
road! I will fight for
the chickens and I will not disappoint
them.
GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't believe we need to get
the chickens across the road.
I say give the road to the chickens
and let them decide. The
government needs to let go of
strangling the chickens so they
can get across the road.
SENATOR LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken
has the right to worship their
God in their own way.
Crossing the road is a spiritual
journey and no chicken should
be denied the right to cross
the road in their own way.
SECRETARY CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because
they have wings. They could
fly if they wanted to.
Chickens don't want to cross the
road. They don't need
help crossing the road. In fact, I'm
not interested in crossing the
road myself.
RALPH NADER
Chickens are misled into believing
there is a road by the
evil tire makers. Chickens
aren't ignorant, but our society
pays tire makers to create the
need for these roads and then
lures chickens into believing
there is an advantage to cross-
ing them. Down with the
roads, up with chickens.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent,
hardworking American.
From: gheckman@scronline.com on 2/28/2003
(S317)
GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the
chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken
is on our side of the road
or not. The chicken is either
with us or it is against us.
There is no middle ground here.
AL GORE
I invented the chicken.
I invented the road. Therefore,
the chicken crossing the road
represented the application
of these two different functions
of government in a new,
reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the
American people.
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Subj: Why
Did The Chicken Cross The Road? (S180)
From: auntieg on 98-11-04
QUESTION:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
ANSWERS:
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
PLATO:
For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX:
It was an historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY:
Because that's the only trip the establishment would
let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN:
I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES:
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was
threatening its dominant market position. The
chicken was faced with significant challenges to
create and develop the competencies required for
the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting,
in a partnering relationship with the client, helped
the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge,
capital and experiences to align the chicken's
people, processes and technology in support of its
overall strategy within a Program Management framework.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you see, represents the black man. The
chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample
him and keep him down.
RICHARD NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat,
the chicken did NOT cross the road.
JERRY SEINFELD:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. I
mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What
the heck was this chicken doing walking around all
over the place anyway?
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
sexual insecurities.
BILL GATES:
I have just released Office Chicken 2000, which will
not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE:
The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the
road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at
the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to
observe the chicken crossing?"
BUDDHA:
Asking the question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
The chicken did not cross the road...
it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
HILLARY CLINTON:
It was a vast right-wing conspiracy against my
husband.
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However,
I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in
New York.
From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/14/97
JACQUES DERRIDA:
........Any
number of contending discourses may be discovered
within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and
each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial
intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
is dead.
NOAM CHOMSKY:
The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of
1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching
maturity that year had spent 82% of their lives in
confinement. The living conditions in most chicken
coops break every international law ever written, and
some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for
slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had
no chance to cross the road (unless you count the
ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have
crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a
chance. Of course, this is not what we are told.
Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on
Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where
chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving
trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the
same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a
subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ...
(Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text
of his answer, contact Odonian Press)
THOMAS DE TORQUEMADA:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find
out.
DOUGLAS ADAMS:
Forty-two.
NIETZSCHE:
Because if you gaze too long across the road, the
road gazes also across you.
OLIVER NORTH:
National Security was at stake.
B.F. SKINNER:
Because the external influences which had pervaded
its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop
in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads,
even while believing these actions to be of its own
free will.
CARL JUNG:
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt
necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at
this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicit-
ously brought such occurrences into being.
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself,
the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN:
The possibility of crossing was encoded into the
objects chicken and road, and circumstances came
into being which caused the actualization of this
potential occurrence.
HOWARD COSELL:
It may very well have been one of the most aston-
ishing events to grace the annals of history. An
historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity
to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly
relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a
remarkable occurence.
SALVADOR DALI:
The Fish.
EMILY DICKINSON:
Because it could not stop for death.
EPICURUS:
For fun.
JOHANN FRIEDRICK VON GOETHE:
........The
eternal hen-principle made it do it.
WERNER HEISENBERG:
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.
DAVID HUME:
Out of custom and habit.
JACK NICHOLSON:
'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the
(censored) reason.
PYRRHO THE SKEPTIC:
What road?
JOHN SUNUNU:
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken
availed himself of the opportunity.
THE SPHINX:
You tell me.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU:
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out
of life.
MARK TWAIN:
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
KATHERINE MCKINNON:
Because, in this patriarchial state, for the last four
centuries, men have applied their principles of justice
in determining how chickens should be cared for, their
language has demeaned the identity of the chicken, their
technonogy and trucks have decided how and where chickens
will be distributed, their science has become the basis
for what chickens eat, their sense of humor has provided
the framework for this joke, their art and film have given
us our perception of chicken life, their lust for flesh
has has made the chicken the most consumned animal in the
US, and their legal system has left the chicken with no
other recourse.
STEPHEN JAY GOULD:
It is possible that there is a sociobiological explan-
ation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years
with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we
have little direct evidence about the genetics of
behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the
specific behaviors that figure most prominently in
sociobiological speculation.
JOSEPH STALIN:
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my
omlette.
MALCOM X:
It was coming home to roost.
From: RFSlick on 98-12-09
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT:
Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find
out.
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with
a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it
crossed, I've not been told!
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross roads without having their motives called into
question.
MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who
cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies
whatever motive there was.
From: tom.greene on 11/02/1999
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can
not you people see the plain truth in front of your
face? The chicken was going to the "other side."
That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes,
my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat
that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media white-washes
with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other
side." That chicken should not be crossing the
road. It's as plain and simple as that.
From: RFSlick on 7/13/00
GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.
FOX MULDER:
You saw the chicken cross the road with your own eyes.
How many more chickens have to cross before you believe
it?
SIGMUND FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2000, which will not only
explore your documents and balance your cheque book, but
Internet Explorer is an inextractible part of eChicken.
THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto
the chicken "Thou shalt cross the road." and the
chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
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Subj: Why
Did The ... Cross The Road (S193, S569c)
Why did the chicken cross the
road?
To lay it on the line.
Why did the chicken cross the
playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the chicken cross the
basketball court?
He heard the referee was blowing
fouls.
Why did the chicken cross the
beach?
To get to the other tide.
Why did the chicken cross the
Moebius Strip?
To get to the other...um...err
Why did the turtle cross the
road?
To get to the Shell station!
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 4/8/2002 (S271c)
A chicken crossing the road
is poultry in motion.
From: Law And Order TV Show on 2/11/04
(S368b)
Why did the fisherman cross
the road?
Just for the halibut.
From: tadams96 on 12/31/2004 (S414b
- math6)
Q: Why did the chicken cross
the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the same side.
\\\//
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Subj: Chicken
Crossing The Road - Cartoons
From: mrx on 6/17/2004
at http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200405/030.htm
 |
|
Chicken Crossing The Road II comes from LABLaughsClean At: LABLaughs@LABLaughs.com on 8/1/2005 Source:
|
 |
 |
Once there was a city boy who
wanted to move to the country,
so he headed out to a farm to
buy some animals. "I'll take
one of these," he said to the
farmer. "What is it?" "Well,
to me it's a cock, but to you
it's a rooster." said the
farmer. "I'll take one
of these, too," said the
city boy. "What is it?"
"Well, to me it's a pullet, but to
you it's a chicken." replied
the farmer. "Okay," said the
city boy. "And I'll take
one of those, too, if you'll tell
me what it is." "To me
it's an ass, but to you it's a mule,"
explained the farmer, "and when
that ass gets stubborn, it
sits down and you have to scratch
its belly to get it moving
again."
So the city boy set off down
the road with all his new
purchases. He was doing
fine till a pretty girl drove by,
at which point the ass sat down
and refused to budge. Seeing
he was having some trouble,
the girl backed up and asked if
there was anything she could
do to help.
"Actually, yes," said the city
boy. "Will you hold my cock
and pullet while I scratch my
ass?"
\\\//
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Subj: Randy
The Love Crazed Rooster (S179, S370b)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 7/4/00
and
From: Grampsboyd on 2/16/2004
A farmer wanted to have his hens
serviced, so he went to the
market looking for a rooster.
He was hoping he could get a
special rooster - one that could
service all of his many hens
and when he told this to the
market vendor, the vendor
replied: "I have just the rooster
for you. Randy here is the
horniest rooster you will ever
see!"
So the farmer took Randy back
to the farm. Before setting him
loose in the henhouse though,
he gave Randy a little pep talk.
"Randy", he said, "I'm counting
on you to do your stuff." And
without a word, he strutted
into the henhouse.
Randy was as fast as he was furious,
mounting each hen like a
thunderbolt. There was much
squawking and many feathers flying,
till Randy had finished having
his way with each hen.
But Randy didn't stop there;
he went in to the barn and mounted
all the horses, one by one and
still at the same frantic pace.
Then he went to the pigpen, where
he did the same. The farmer,
watching all of this with disbelief,
cried out "Stop, Randy,
you'll kill yourself!"
But Randy continued, seeking out each
farm animal in the same manner.
The second day, same thing.
Not only all the animals, but the
Randy nails the barn, fence,
Farmers wife - everthing. "Slow
down Randy, y'all going to kill
yerself!".
On the third day, the farmer
looked out and saw Randy lying
there on his lawn. His legs
were up in the air, his eyes rolled
back, and his long tongue hanging
out. A buzzard was already
circling above Randy.
The farmer walked up to Randy
saying "Oh you poor thing, look
what you did, you've gone and
killed yourself. I warned you,
little buddy."
The Randy looks up and points
to the buzzards and says
"Shhhhhh!"
\\\//
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Subj: Rooster
Race (S36, S432)
From: morinhome on 1/13/2003
and
From: Dickschu on 5/6/2005
An old farmer decided it was
time to get a new rooster
for his hens. The current
rooster was still doing an
okay job, but he was getting
on in years. And the farmer
figured getting a new rooster
couldn't hurt anything. So
he buys a young cock from the
local rooster emporium, and
turns him loose in the barn
yard.
Well, the old rooster sees the
young one strutting around
and he gets a little worried.
So, they're trying to
replace me, thinks the oldrooster.
I've got to do some-
thing about this. He walks
up to the new bird and says,
"So you're the new stud in town?
I bet you really think
you're hot stuff, don't you?
Well I'm not ready for the
chopping block yet. I'll
bet I'm still the better bird.
And to prove it, I challenge
you to a race around that
hen house over there.
We'll run around it ten times and
whoever finishes first gets
to have all the hens for
himself."
Well, the young rooster was a
proud sort, and he
definitely thought he was more
than a match for the old
guy. "You're on," said
the young rooster. "And since I
know I'm so great, I'll even
give you a head start of
half a lap. I'll still
win easy," said the young roster.
So the two roosters go over
to the hen house to start the
race with all the hens gathering
around to watch.
The race begins and all the hens
start cheering the
roosters on. After the
first lap, the old rooster is
still maintaining his lead.
After the second lap, the
old guy's lead has slipped a
little but he's still hanging
in there. Unfortunately
the old rooster's lead continues
to slip each time around, and
by the fifth lap he's just
barely in front of the young
rooster.
By now the farmer has heard all
the commotion. He runs
into the house, gets his shotgun,
and runs out to the
barn yard figuring a fox or
something is after his
chickens. When he gets
there, he sees the two roosters
running around the hen house,
with the old rooster still
slightly in the lead.
He immediately takes his shotgun,
aims, fires, and blows the young
rooster away.
As he walks away slowly, he says
to himself ........
"Damn, that's the third gay
rooster I've bought this month."
Moral of this story...Don't mess
with the OLD FARTS - age
and treachery will always overcome
youth and skill!
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: FAA
Test (S35, S416)
From: Scott's Joke Archive 0n 5/31/97
and
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/17/2005
In an issue of "Meat ? Poultry"
magazine, the following
story was reported.
It seems the U.S. Federal Aviation
Administration (FAA)
has a device for testing the
strength of airplane wind-
shields. The gunlike device
launches a dead chicken at
a test plane's windshield at
approximately the speed the
plane flies. If the windshield
doesn't crack from the
carcass impact, theory has it,
the windshield will survive
a real collision with a flying
bird.
The British recently built a
new high speed locomotive.
They borrowed the FAA device
to test the windshield,
reset it to the maximum speed
of the locomotive, loaded
in the dead chicken and fired.
The ballistic chicken
shattered the windshield, went
through the engineer's
chair, broke an instrument panel,
and embedded itself in
the back wall of the engine
cab. Stunned by the result,
the British asked the FAA to
check the test to see if
everything was done correctly.
The FAA reviewed the test
thoroughly and had one recommendation.
Repeat the test
using a thawed chicken.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: A Guy
Mates A Chicken
From: thebartend on 98-05-05
One day this guy strolls into
a bar and strolls up to the
bartender and says to him, "My
friend told me that I can
find some prime entertainment
here for pretty cheap. Would
you know anything about that?"
"Sure, " says the bartender,
"How much are you willing to
spend?"
"I'm kind of broke this week,
but I've got twenty dollars,"
the guy says.
"I'll tell you what leave your
twenty dollars on the bar,
go down that hall there and
take the first door on your
right," the bartender tells
the man with a smile.
The man leaves his money on the
counter and walks down the
hall and goes into the room.
The room is empty except for
a bed and a small dresser.
The man takes off his clothes
and waits on the bed.
After a little while a small panel
opens up on one side of the
room and a chicken runs out
and starts running around the
room. The guy just sits
there thinking that this wasn't
what he had in mind, but
that it would have to do.
So the guy jumps up catches the
chicken and starts to screw
it. When he is done he
dresses himself and leaves the
bar.
The guy comes back to the bar
the next week and goes up
the bartender again and says,
"This week I brought some
more money, but I want something
better if you know what
I mean. I'll pay for the
best entertainment that you've
got."
The bartender tells the guy to
leave $80 on the counter
and to go upstairs down the
hall and to take the first
door on the right. The
man does and when he opens the
door to the room there is a
circle of chairs around a
bare floor. All the seats
are filled except for one
seat which the man decides to
take. After a while the
floor opens up in the center
of the circle of chairs
and there are two lesbians going
at down in the room
below. The women are rubbing
and prodding and caressing
each other and all the guys
in the room get really
turned on and watch the whole
thing until the lesbians
are done. Then the floor
closes back up and people
start to get up to leave.
The man says to one of the
other guys as they are leaving,
"Man that was really
something. That's what
I call entertainment."
"No", says the guy back, "you
should have been here last
week, some guy was screwing
a chicken."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Man
And Chicken Go To The Movies (S268)
From: thebartend on 98-07-17 and 3/18/2002
An old farmer went to town to
see a movie. The ticket girl
said, "Sir, what is that on
your shoulder?" The old farmer
said, "That is my pet rooster,
Chuckie. Wherever I go,
Chuckie goes."
"I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket
girl, "We can't allow
animals in the theater. Not
even a pet chicken."
The old farmer went around the
corner and stuffed the
chicken down his pants.
He returned to the booth, bought
a ticket and entered the theater.
He sat down next to
two old emergency room nurses
named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the chicken
began to squirm. The
old farmer unzipped his pants
so Chuckie could stick his
head out and watch the movie.
"Marge," whispered Mildred.
"What?" said Marge.
"I think the guy next to me is
a pervert." "What makes
you think so?" asked Marge.
"He unzipped his pants and
he has his thing out," whispered
Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it,"
said Marge, "At our age
we've seen them all."
"Yes," said Mildred, "But this one's eating my popcorn!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
Subj: Short
Chicken Jokes
| Subj:
Chicks And Their Foster Mom (S513)
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/15/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Sex-Egg-ucation (S502)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/30/2005 |
| Subj:
Egg Catcher Game (S480b in Games2)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 4/4/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Your Dog FiFi (S476b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/27/2006 |
| Subj:
Egged (S464b)
From: LABLaughsRiddles20051209 on 12/9/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: Subservient
Chicken (S379)
From: igiggle on 5/1/2004
Source: http://www.subserviantchicken.com/
This was hilarious! Type
in commands and he'll have to do
whatever you tell him to do.
Try having him do jumping
jacks, dance, go to sleep or
watch TV. Or, get creative
and try to stump him.
Top
Subj: Transfusions
Of Chicken Blood (S316b)
From: mombear1 on 2/15/2003
The American Medical Association
researchers have made a
remarkable discovery.
It seems that some patients
needing blood transfusions may
benefit from receiving
chicken blood rather than human
blood.
It tends to make the men cocky
and the women lay better.
Top
Subj: Preparing
Chicken (Playboy February 1997)
"May I take your order? the
waiter asked.
"How do you prepare your chicken?"
"Nothing special," he replied.
"We just tell them streight
out that they're going to die."
KFC DEAL from: Bobbyt's Place
Here's what you do, go to Kentucky
Fried Chicken and ask
for the Nancy Kerrigan deal:
two small breasts and a
battered leg.
Top
Subj: Which
Came First, The Chicken Or The Egg?
From: humorlist-digest V2 #35 on 98-02-05
Picture: A chicken and an egg,
lying in bed side-by-side,
each smoking a cigarette.
Which came first?
Top
Subj: The
Chicken or the Egg? (S116, S424)
From: Anaise on 98-04-10
and
From: DoctorDebt on 3/11/2005
A chicken and an egg are lying
in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette
with a satisfied smile
on its face and the egg is frowning
and looking put out.
The egg mutters to no one in
particular,
"I guess we answered THAT question."
From: auntieg on 98-11-14
The longest recorded flight
of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
From: icohen on 98-11-16
There are more chickens than
people in the world.
Q: Why can't a chicken coop have more
than 2 doors?
A: Because if it had 4 doors it would
be a chicken sedan.
-- Sandra Johnson
Q: Why didn't the chicken cross the
road?
A: Because he was too chicken.
-- drtbike
Q: Which side of a chicken has the
most feathers?
A: The outside.
Q: What's the difference between a
pervert and
a kinky person?
A: A pervert uses a feather, a kinky
person uses
the whole chicken!
From: jcary on 99-01-18 (S104)
Q: What is the similarity between
a woman and
Kentucky Fried
Chicken?
A: By the time you've finished
with the breast and thighs,
all you have left
is a greasy box to pop your bone in.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Rooster from
Smiley_Central |