>>>
Subj: Bird Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 53 jkes and articles)
Eagle from
AGAG Animation Gallery
| >>>
>>> Subj: Bird Jokes (Gz) (Includes 53 jkes and articles) |
|
Eagle from AGAG Animation Gallery |
Also see ASCII ART III- 'Tweedy
Bird'
BLACKS2 file - 'Black
Walks Into Bar W/Parrot'
CARS2 file - 'Bird
Hits Car Winshield'
CAT1 file - 'Cat
And The Cockerel Cross The Stream'
CLINTON file - 'Clinton's
Parrot Dies'
COWS-SHEP-SUP- 'How Sheep Pick Their
Nose'
DOCTORS1 file- 'Two
Doctors Operate On Owl Hunting'
ELDERLY2 file- 'Old
Man And Punk Rocker On A Bus'
ELEPHANT - 'Bird
And Elephant Have Sex'
FACTS3 file - 'Flying
Cross:'
FISHING2 file- 'Seagull's Revenge'
FROG file - 'Eagle
Swallows Frog'
HUNTER file - 'Duck
Hunter Wants Sex'
JEWISH1 file - 'Three
Viddishe Son's Presents For Mom'
JEWISH2 file - 'Jewish
Parrot'
JOBS2 file - 'Lesson
number one: The Crow and the Rabbit'
......................-
'Lesson
number two: The Turkey and the Bull'
......................-
'Why
It's Better To Be The Boss!'
MATH4-SUPP - 'Math
Prob. - Canaries And Cages'
OTHER PPS - 'Extraordinary
Nature Photos'
OTHER-SPORTS - 'Minnesotans
Learn About New Sports'
PLANE2 file - 'Two
Vulture Fly South'
POLIT-SUPP - 'The
Bird Feeder'
PREACHER file- 'Bird Funeral'
TREES file - 'Two
Woodpeckers Argue'
......................-
'Lady
Slides Down Tree And See Doctor'
......................-
'Trees
Argue'
......................-
'Pheasant
Wants To Climb A Tree'
WAITER file - 'Man
? Ostrich Enter Restaurant'
WORDJOKES1 - 'Getting
A Mynah Bird From Lions'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Kitten And Bird Are Best Friends (S565)
From: ginafm on 11/18/2007 |
 |
This 7,200 KB movie tells the
story of an abandon kitten
and the crow that adopted it.
You can view it at the source
above, or on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Red
Pigeon In Phoenix (S501b)
From: tblase
and
From: jbcary1 on 8/26/2006
(Also see 'A Tourist
And The Rat Sculpture' in RATS)
The mayor of Phoenix was very
worried about a plague of
pigeons in the area. The
mayor could not remove the
pigeons from the city.
All of Phoenix was full of pigeon
poop. The people of Phoenix
couldn't walk on the side-
walks or drive on the roads.
It was costing a fortune to
try to keep the streets and
sidewalks clean.
One day a man came to City Hall
and offered the Mayor a
proposition. "I can rid
your beautiful city of its
plague of pigeons without cost
to the city. But, you must
promise not to ask me any questions.
Or, you can pay me
five million dollars and ask
one question." The mayor
considered the offer briefly
and accepted the free
proposition.
The next day the man climbed
to the top of City Hall,
opened his coat, and released
a red pigeon. The red pigeon
circled in the air and flew
up into the bright blue Arizona
sky. All the pigeons in
Phoenix saw the red pigeon. They
gathered up behind the red pigeon.
The Phoenix pigeons
followed the red pigeon as she
flew eastward out of the
city.
The next day the red pigeon returned
completely alone to
the man atop City Hall.
The Mayor was very impressed. He
thought the man and the red
pigeon had performed a wonder-
ful miraculous feat to rid Phoenix
of the plague of pigeons.
Even though the man with the
pigeon had charged nothing, the
mayor presented him with a check
for 5 million dollars and
told the man that, indeed, he
did have a question to ask and
even though they had agreed
to no fee and the man had rid
the city of pigeons, he decided
to pay the 5 million just to
get to ask ONE question.
The man accepted the money and
told the mayor to ask his
question.
The mayor asked: "Do you have any red Mexicans?"
\\\//
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Subj: Barn
Owls Web Cam In Benicia (S363b)
From: Gary Brogue's column
in the Contra Costa Times on Sun, Jan. 11, 2004
at http://www.contracostatimes.com/mld/cctimes/living/7684763.htm
Dear Gary:
We have had nesting/breeding
barn owls living in our neighbor-
hood in the Benicia Arsenal
for years, and recently have put a
web Cam inside their nest box.
Everyone in the neighborhood
loves the cam, as it brings
us all closer to our feathered
friends.
It can also be viewed anywhere
in the world via the Internet.
The camera is on 24 hours a
day and is equipped with infrared
night vision for late-night
action. The owls should be starting
their mating cycle pretty soon,
and we can't wait to see them
incubating their eggs and caring
for little owlets.
Check out the cam at http://owl.cam.intuitiveisp.com.
Scott Zoog, Studio 113, Benicia
Dear Scott:
Most wild birds don't start
incubating their eggs until the
whole clutch has been laid.
That way they all hatch at the
same time and the babies grow
up together. They're a lot
easier to raise that way.
Barn owns lay their eggs a day
or two apart until eight eggs
have been laid, but they start
incubating immediately with
the first egg.
The first egg hatches first,
and the last hatches last, over
a week or two period, and they
end up with barn owl chicks
of all ages growing up together
in the nest, with all sorts
of interesting results (big
brother beating up on little
brother, food fights over gophers,
etc.).
Being able to observe all their
owl family interactions will
be truly fantastic!
As long as we're on the subject,
bald eagles, herons, seals,
bats and salmon can also be
observed live through webcams at
a Washington State Web site:
www.wdfw.wa.gov/wildwatch.
Gary's here Tuesday-Friday ?
Sunday; write Gary, c/o Times,
P.O. Box 5088, Walnut Creek,
CA 94596-0087; or at
garybug@infionline.net; 925-977-8582;
Gary's new book is: "The Raccoon
Next Door," by Heyday Books;
old columns at www.contracostatimes.com,
click on Columnists,
click on Gary.
\\\//
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Subj: The
Gooney Bird And The TV (S309b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/2/2003
Hymie Goldberg's wife had reached
the end of her tether
with her husband always sitting
and watching the TV and
never talking to her.
In desperation, she went to a
pet shop and asked the
owner if he had a pet that would
destroy the TV set.
"It so happens," replied the
owner, "that I have a
Gooney Bird. I wouldn't
normally wish to part with it,
but I will for fifty dollars."
"What is so special about a Gooney
Bird?" asked
Mrs Goldberg.
"Well," said the owner, "supposing
you want to destroy
your chair, then release the
Gooney Bird from its cage
and say, 'Gooney Bird, the chair!'
and the Gooney Bird
will reduce it to matchwood
in less then a minute."
This sounded ideal, so Mrs Goldberg
bought the Gooney
Bird and took it home.
She came into the living room
and put down the cage. As
usual, Hymie was sitting staring
at the TV. Hymie said
without looking round, "What
have you got there, dear?"
"A Gooney Bird," replied Mrs
Goldberg, as she opened
the cage door, about to say,
"Gooney Bird, the TV."
Hymie retorted, "Gooney Bird? Gooney Bird, my ass!"
\\\//
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Subj: The
Buzzard, Bat, And Bumblebee (S230)
From: mombear1 on 6/25/2001
If you put a buzzard in a pen
six or eight feet square and
entirely open at the top, the
bird, in spite of his ability
to fly, will be an absolute
prisoner. The reason is that a
buzzard always begins a flight
from the ground with a run
of ten or twelve feet. Without
space to run, as is his habit,
he will not even attempt to
fly, but will remain a prisoner
for life in a small jail with
no top.
The ordinary bat that flies around
at night, a remarkably
nimble creature in the air,
cannot take off from a level
place. If it is placed
on the floor or flat ground, all it
can do is shuffle about helplessly
and, no doubt, painfully,
until it reaches some slight
elevation from which it can
throw itself into the air. Then,
at once, it takes off like
a flash.
A Bumblebee if dropped into an
open tumbler, it will be
there until it dies, unless
it is taken out. It never sees
the means of escape at the top,
but persists in trying to
find some way out through the
sides near the bottom. It
will seek a way where none exists,
until it completely
destroys itself.
In many ways, there are many
people like the buzzard, the
bat, and the bumblebee.
They struggle about with all
their problems and frustrations,
not realizing that the
answer is right there "above"
them
This is in no way a reflection
on you...just an interesting
bit of information....
Hugs, Ava
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Robins Eat Worms (S221, S458)
From: mombear on 4/25/2001
Two robins were sitting in a tree.
"I'm really hungry," said the first one.
"Me, too" said the second.
"Let's fly down and find some
lunch." They flew to the
ground and found a nice plot
of freshly plowed ground full
of worms. They ate and ate and
ate and ate until they
couldn't eat anymore.
"I'm so full I don't think I
can fly back up to the tree,"
said the first one.
"Me either. Let's just lay here
and bask in the warm sun,"
said the second.
"O.K." said the first. They plopped down, basking in the sun.
No sooner than they had fallen
asleep, when a big, fat tom
cat snuck up and gobbled them
up. As he sat washing his
face after his meal, he thought....
Ready..................
You're gonna love this one..............
"I just love baskin' robins."
\\\//
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Subj: The
Morning Song.... (S129b, S430)
From: gheckman on 6/22/99
and
From: JokesUncut on 6/7/2004
At: http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/043.htm
 |
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Woodpeckers Argue (S93)
From: FrankRoesc on 98-11-10
An Alaskan woodpecker and a Texas
woodpecker were in Alaska
arguing about which state had
the toughest trees to peck.
The Alaskan woodpecker said
that they had a tree that no
woodpecker can peck. The
Texas woodpecker challenged him
and was able to peck a hole
in the tree with no problem.
The Alaskan woodpecker was in
awe. The Texas woodpecker
challenged the Alaskan woodpecker
to peck a tree in Texas
that no woodpecker has been
able topeck successfully. The
Alaskan woodpecker expressed
confidence that he could do it.
After flying to Texas and successfully
pecking the tree in
Texas, the two woodpeckers couldn't
figure out why the Texas
woodpecker was able to peck
the Alaskan tree and the Alaskan
woodpecker was able to peck
the Texan tree when neither one
was able to peck the tree in
their own state.
After thinking for some time
they both came to the same
conclusion: "Your pecker is
always harder when you're away
from home."
\\\//
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Subj: Man
Tried For Killing Bald Eagle (S47, S344)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/27/97
and
From: PGSP4LIFE on 10/25/1999
A man is caught, by a forest
ranger, sitting at a make-shift
campfire, and to the ranger's
horror, eating a bald eagle.
The man is consequently put
in jail for the crime. On the
day of his trail, the conversation
went something like this:
Judge: "Do you know that eating
a bald eagle is a federal
offense?"
Man : "Yes I did. But if
you let me argue my case, I'll
explain what happened."
Judge: "Proceed."
Man : "I got lost in the woods.
I hadn't had anything to eat
for two weeks. I was so hungry. Next thing I see is
a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish.
I knew that if I followed the Eagle I could maybe steal
the fish. Unfortunately, in the process of taking the
fish I killed the Eagle. I figured that since I killed
the Eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more
disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."
Judge: "The court will take a
recess while we analyze your
testimony." 15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.
Judge: "Due to the extreme circumstance
you were under and
because you didn't intend to kill the Eagle, the court
will dismiss the charges. The Judge then leans over the
bench and whispers, "If you don't mind my asking, what
does a bald eagle taste like?"
Man : "Well, Your Honor, it's
a little difficult to explain,"
the defendant says. "The best way I can describe it is
to say that it's far more tender than a California Condor,
but the meat is quite bland compared to a Spotted Owl."
\\\//
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Subj: Bird
Bands (DU)
From: Anaise on 98-09-11
According to the Knight-Ridder
News Service, the inscription
on the metal bands used by the
U.S. Department of the Interior
to tag migratory birds has been
changed. The bands used to
bear the address of the Washington
Biological Survey,
abbreviated: "Wash. Biol.
Surv." until the agency received
the following letter from an
Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs:
While camping last week I shot
one of your birds. I think it
was a crow. I followed
the cooking instructions on the leg
tag and I want to tell you it
was horrible."
The bands are now marked "Fish ? Wildlife Service".
\\\//
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Subj: Carpet
Layer Looses Cigarettes (S67)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-05-12
(Also see 'The Carpet
Layer' in Other Occupations)
A carpet layer had just finished
installing carpet for a lady.
He stepped out for a smoke,
only to realize he'd lost his
cigarettes. In the middle
of the room, under the carpet, was
a bump. "No sense pulling
up the entire floor for one pack
of smokes," he said to himself.
He proceeded to get out his
hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady
came in. "Here," she said,
handing him his pack of cigarettes.
"I found them in the
hallway." "Now," she said,
"if only I could find my parakeet."
\\\//
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Subj: The
End of the Raven
-- by Edgar Allen Poe's Cat
On a night quite unenchanting,
when the rain was downward
slanting, I awakened to the
ranting of the man I catch
mice for. Tipsy and a
bit unshaven, in a tone I found
quite craven, Poe was talking
to a Raven perched above
the chamber door. "Raven's
very tasty," thought I, as
I tiptoed o'er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more"
Soft upon the rug I treaded,
calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that
dreaded bust of Pallas I
deplore. While the bard
and birdie chattered, I made
sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell,
or shattered, as I crossed the
corridor; For his house is
crammed with trinkets, curios
and wierd decor -
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.
Still the Raven never fluttered,
standing stock-still as
he uttered, In a voice that
shrieked and sputtered, his
two cents' worth -
"Nevermore."
While this dirge the birdbrain
kept up, oh, so silently
I crept up, Then I crouched
and quickly lept up, pouncing
on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage, and
a little blood and gore -
Only this and not much more.
"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried
out, "Pussycat, it's time I
dried out! Never sat I
in my hideout talking to a bird
before; How I've wallowed in
self-pity, while my gallant,
valiant kitty Put an end to
that damned ditty" - then I
heard him start to snore. Back
atop the door I clambered,
eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.
\\\//
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Subj: Penguin
Has Engine Problems (S54, S527)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #33 on 98-02-03
A penguin is taking a road trip
when his car suddenly breaks
down. Luckily for him,
he finds himself just down the street
from a mechanic, so he pushes
his car to the shop and asks
the mechanic to take a look.
The mechanic tells him that it
will probably take a little
while to find the problem and asks
him to come back in an hour.
The penguin goes over to the
supermarket buys some fish sticks
and vanilla ice cream and spends
the rest of the hour hanging
out in the frozen section.
After the hour is up, he waddles
over to the mechanic's shop.
Seeing him come in, the mechanic
walks over and wiping his hands
on a rag says, "Looks like
you've blown a seal."
The penguin blushes, wipes his
beak with his flipper and says
"No, it's just vanilla ice cream."
You can see this joke as a very
funny movie on my web site
at Monkey
In Bar Tells Joke in Bar Animals or at
http://jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/b_to_e/bar_animals-monkey.html
\\\//
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Subj: MIT
Student Feeds Birds (S353b)
A unverified legend from MIT
An MIT student spent an entire
summer going to the Harvard
football field every day wearing
a black-and-white striped
shirt, walking up and down the
field for ten or fifteen
minutes throwing birdseed all
over the field, blowing a
whistle and then walking off
the field.
At the end of the summer, it
came time for the first Harvard
home football game, the referee
walked onto the field and blew
the whistle, and the game had
to be delayed for a half hour to
wait for the birds to get off
of the field.
The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
This is an Urban Legend as comfirmed
at
http://www.snopes.com/college/pranks/birdseed.htm
\\\//
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Subj: The
Penguin Game (S527c)
A Mexican newspaper reports that
bored Royal Air Force
pilots stationed on the Falkland
Islands have devised
what they consider a marvelous
new game. Noting that
the local penguins are fascinated
by airplanes, the
pilots search out a beach where
the birds are gathered
and fly slowly along it at the
water edge. Perhaps ten
thousand penguins turn their
heads in unison watching
the planes go by, and when the
pilots turn around and
fly back, the birds turn their
heads in the opposite
direction, like spectators at
a slow-motion tennis match.
Then, the paper reports, "The
pilots fly out to sea and
directly to the penguin colony
and overfly it. Heads go
up, up, up, and ten thousand
penguins fall over gently
onto their backs.
This story is NOT true, as reported
by Snopes.com at
http://www.snopes.com/critters/wild/penguin.htm
\\\//
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Subj: Crow
Desperate For Sex (S370)
From: Grampsboyd on 2/17/2004
There's a crow flying around
one day who's really desperate
for sex. He flies and
flies and flies, looking for anything
with wings. Finally he
spots a Blue Tit. He flies down and
gets it on with this little
tot. After he's done his deed,
the bird turns around to him
and says, "I am a little tit,
I had a little bit, and I liked
it. "
The crow is still horney, so
he jumps back in the air, and
flies around looking for another
feathered friend. There
below he spots a dove.
He dives down, lands next to this
dove and gets it on with her.
When he's done, the dove
turns around and says,
"I am a little dove, I had a little
love, and I liked it. "
This crow is a real sex maniac,
he wants even more. Without
even a thank you, he leaps into
the air and begins his
search again. He spots
a duck, drops down next to his third
conquest, and proceeds to have
his wicked way with the duck.
When he's done, the DUCK turns
around and says, "I am a
little Drake, you made a big
mistake, but I liked it!"
\\\//
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Subj: Which
Birds Deliver Babies
Little Johnny: Mom, what kind
of bird brings white babies?
Mother: Why, a stork, little
Johnny.
Little Johnny: Mom, what kind
of bird brings black babies?
Mother: A raven, dear.
Little Johnny: Then what kind
of bird brings no babies at all?
Mother: A swallow!
\\\//
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| Subj:
Falcon Chicks Hatch Atop SF Building
From: NBC11.com on 05/13/05 (S428b) Source: http://pge.com/peregrinenestcam |
 |
Three peregrine falcon chicks
hatched Tuesday in a nest atop
Pacific Gas and Electric Co.'s
building in San Francisco, the
utility announced. The
peregrine parents laid the eggs in
their nest on the high-rise
in early March. The incubation
period for the endangered bird
takes about 30 days after the
last egg is laid, PG?E reported.
Scientists from the University
of California, Santa Cruz
Predatory Bird Research Group
placed a nest box on a ledge
of the PG?E building after peregrines
began it as a perch in
the mid-1980s.
This peregrine pair has nested
at the site since 2003. Last
year they successfully hatched
two chicks.
A camera installed in January
allows scientists and the public
to observe the peregrine falcons
online at
http://www.pge.com/peregrinenestcam.
\\\//
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Subj: Storks
Delivering Babies
Two storks on a nest: a father
stork and baby stork. Baby
is crying and crying, and father
stork is trying to calm
him.
"Don't worry, son. Your
mother will come back. She's only
bringing people babies and making
them happy."
The next night, it's fathers
turn to do the job. "Son, your
father will be back as soon
as possible, but now he's
bringing joy to new mommies
and daddies."
A few days later. The stork
parents are desperate: their
son is gone from the nest all
night! Finally, short before
dawn, he returns and the parents
ask their son where he had
been all night.
Says the baby stork: "Aww, just
scaring the shit out of
college kids!"
\\\//
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Subj: Blue
Bird Sings Inside Manure (S30, S473)
From: HA: Humor Archive
and
From: DoctorDebt on 2/4/2006
(See 'Corporate Lessons'
JOBS2
and see 'Organizational Theory'
in MONKEY)
One day a little blue bird was
sitting upon a tree. Minding
his own business and all of
the sudden a gust of wind came
down with such force that knocked
the poor little bird clean
off the branch. Laying
helplessly on the ground, the bird
called for help. "tweat
tweat"
Finally a nice man came along
and picked up the little blue
bird. "My how this bird is so
cold" the man thought to him-
self. So The nice man
carried the cold bird in his arms
looking for the perfect place
to put him, and warm him up.
The man lived on a farm you
see, so when he got home, he
decided to put the little bird
in a pile of manure. This
warmed the little birdy up and
he was feeling FINE. The
little blue bird started to
sing away. "cherp cherp"
Also on the farm lived coyotes..and
coyote Fred could hear
the littel blue bird cherp from
the manure, and began to
persue his prey. Fred
located little blue and stuck his
nose in the manure and ripped
little blue from his blissful
warmth and devoured him.
The moral of the story is:
1. It's not always your
enemies that get you into deep shit.
2. It's not always your
friends that get you out of deep shit.
3. If you ever happen
to be in deep shit, just shut your
mouth about
it.
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Bird Jokes
| Subj:
An Eagle Family (S575c)
From: rfslick on 1/18/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Sam The Seagull Turns Shoplifter (S550)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/6/2007 |
| Subj:
Albino Peacock (S549c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/23/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Feeding Hummingbirds (S507b)
From: darrell94590 on 10/8/2006 |
| Subj: The Difference Between
Male And Female Birds
From: gattica30 on 3/7/2006 (S477b) |
 |
 |
Subj: How Bird Flu Could
Have Been Prevented (S476b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 2/20/2006 |
| Subj:
Crows During Hot Flashes (S436)
From: darrell94590 on 6/2/2005 |
 |
 |
Subj:
2003 Hooters Calendar (S311)
From: RFSlick on 1/17/2003 This is a great calendar, click 'Here' to see it. |
Top
Subj: Watching
Students Like A Hawk (S272c)
From: jerry on 4/17/2002
Watching students like a hawk
is certainly true at a primary
school in Ayrshire in the UK
that has hired two hawks to
protect pupils from dive-bombing
seagulls who have been
attacking them as they eat their
snacks in the playground.
Has it been working?
"The sheer number [of seagulls]
was considered to be a
health and safety risk," says
Roddie MacDonald, education
coordinator. "The hawks fly
every morning to frighten away
the birds. The playground
has become a much safer place
for the children."
The students have taken a liking
to the hawks and take
turns stroking them in the mornings.
Ananova 14-Apr-02
Top
Subj: Eagles
in a Storm (S208)
From: tadams96 on 1/23/2001
Did you know that an eagle knows
when a storm is approaching
long before it breaks?
The eagle will fly to some high
spot and wait for the winds
to come. When the storm
hits, it sets its wings so that the
wind will pick it up and lift
it above the storm. While the
storm rages below, the eagle
is soaring above it. The eagle
does not escape the storm. It
simply uses the storm to lift
it higher. It rises on
the winds that bring the storm.
When the storms of life come
upon us - and all of us will
experience them - we can rise
above them. We can ride the
winds of the storm that bring
sickness, tragedy, failure
and disappointment in our lives
and soar above the storm.
Our approach and attitude will
determine if the storm will
rise above us or if we will
be lifted to new heights by its
wind. Be positive, go
forward, and make the metal of your
life stronger from your experiences.
Top
Subj: Police
Burn Marijuana Crop (S116, S527c)
From: KMacinty on 4/9/99
The Sheriff's Department in
Mendocino County came upon a
huge crop of marijuana, illegally
grown in the wilds, and
determined that it should be
cut down, loaded on trucks
and transported to a remote
beach on the coast and burned.
This was accomplished and as
the evil weed was being
consumed, great clouds of smoke
rose high into the sky.
At this time a large flock of
terns, on their annual
migration, passed overhead and
through the billowing
clouds of smoke. No tern was
left unstoned.
The REAL reason ostriches stick
their head in the sand
is to search for water.
Birds take off at sunrise.
On the opposite side of the
world, they are landing at sunset.
This causes the earth
to spin on its axis.
Have you heard of that disease
that you get from kissing
birds? Chirpes.
It's one of those canarial diseases.
I hear it's untweetable.
Why do seagulls fly over the
sea? If they flew over the bay
then they would be bagels.
-- Jon Smith
If NASA sent birds into space
they would soon die;
they need gravity to
swallow.
In Utah birds have the right of way on all highways...
From: grs on 97-12-04 (S527)
A goose went into a drugstore
to buy a condom. The
druggist asked if he could put
that on his bill, and
the goose replied, "no, I am
not that kind of goose."
From: auntieg 98-05-09
An ostrich's eye is bigger than
it's brain.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 on 98-05-10
Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.
From: ossama on 98-08-12
Accept that some days you're
the pigeon and some days
the statue.
From: auntieg on 98-02-12
Very early one morning two birds
are sitting at the
side of a large puddle of oil.
They see a worm on
the other side. So...
the one flies over and the
other one swims through - which
one gets to the
worm first? The one who
swam, of course, because
"Da oily boid gets da woim."
From: pns on 3/10/2002 (S273c)
The early bird may get the worm,
but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
Eagles may soar, but weasels
don't
get sucked into jet engines.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/15/2002
(S274c)
"Fall is my favorite season
in Los Angeles, watching
the birds change color and fall
from the trees."
-- David Letterman
Q: What do you call a parrot
wearing a raincoat?
A: Polly unsaturated.
-- The Oregonian
Q: What bird can lift the most
weight?
A: The Crane. --
Meredith and John
Q: What does a 500 pound parrot
say?
A: Polly wants a craker - NOW!
Q: What's the state bird of Kentucky?
A: The housefly
Q: Why do seagulls live near
the sea?
A: If they lived near the bay,
they would
be called bagels.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 on 98-05-10
Q: What do you get when you
put a canary in a blender?
A: Shredded tweet
Q: What do you call a missing
parrot?
A: A polygon.
From: Tom_Adams on (S68)
Q: If the dove is the bird of
peace, what is the
bird of true love?
A: The swallow.
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