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Subj:     Camel Jokes
                 (Includes 15 jokes and articles, 01842,4,cf,md4w,3)

Camel from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  The Llama Movie (S614)
.........................Man On Camel Dying Of Thirst (S149)
.........................Sex Like A Camel (S78, S842)
.........................The Desert Life - Photo (S898)
.........................A Nun, A Priest And A Dead Camel (S71, S677b)
.........................Camel Balls (S48)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S651b)
.........................Commander Has Sex With Camel (S67, S459b)
.........................Man And Camel In Desert (S291b)
.........................Short Camel Jokes
..............................Judging Others (S658b)
..............................Camel Picture (S501b)

Also see CONDOM file  - 'Two Old Ladies And A Condom'
         MIDDLE EAST  - 'US Tourist Offered Camels For Wife'
         PLANE2 file  - 'How To Tell If There's A Terrorist At The Airport'
         POLIT-BUSH   - 'What's Taking So Long?'
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Subj:     The Llama Movie (S614d) 
          From: darrellvip on 10/10/2008
          (See 'The Llama Song' in Other_Animals)
 Source: http://www.spike.com/video-clips/cwarh1/wildboyz-llama

 Two young me put on a llama costume and join the herd. The
 man in the rear gets sexually assaulted. This is very funny,
 but it is another stupid, juvenile male video.  Click on
 the above source, or 'HERE' to see my copy, to get a laugh.

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Subj:     Man On Camel Dying Of Thirst (S149)
          From: ossama on 98-08-03
      and From: DR SWITZER on 12/08/1999
          (Also see 'Arab And Jewish Tie Salesman' in ARAB)

 A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert
 searching for some sign of life.  His supplies were running low
 when his camel died.  Now on foot, he desperately sought refuge
 from the heat, and, most importantly, a source for water.
 Suddenly, he came across a vendor in the middle of the desert.

 "Thank God I found you!" the man cried.  "Please help me.  I'm
 in dire need of some water."

 "Well," said the vendor, "I don't have any water.  But would
 you like to buy one of these fine ties."

 "What am I going to do with a tie?" the man asked.

 "That's what I'm selling sir.  If you don't like it, I can't
 help you."

 The man left the vendor and walked on for many more miles,
 praying each minute that he would find refuge from the scorching
 sun.  His eyes squinted a bunch of times when he came across a
 restaurant in the distance.  Unable to comprehend a restaurant
 located in the middle of the desert, he assumed the place was a
 mirage, but decided to check it out anyway.  As he approached the
 door, his mouth opened in amazement, seeing that the place actually
 existed.

 The doorman stopped him before he entered.  "Excuse me sir," the
 doorman said, "but you can't come in here without a tie!"

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Subj:     Sex Like A Camel (S78, S842)
          From: DrRibeiro
      and From: DoctorDebt on 4/22/2004

 This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan.  They were
 touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and
 such, when they passed this small sandal shop.  From inside
 they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You,
 foreigners!  Come in.  Come into my humble shop."  So the
 married couple walked in.  The Pakistani man said to them,
 "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested
 in.

 They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel."  Well,
 the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after
 what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really
 didn't need the, being the sex god he was.  The husband
 asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
 The Pakistani man replied, "Just try them on."  Well, the
 husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded
 to try them on.  As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he
 got this wild look in his eyes something his wife hadn't seen
 in many years-raw sexual power.  In a blink of an eye, the
 husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and
 started tearing at the guy's pants.  All the time the Pakistani
 man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!".

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Subj:     The Desert Life (S898)
          From: Rod Castro on Facebook
Source: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=671854
........856184266&set=p.671854856184266&type=1&theater
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..........
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Subj:     A Nun, A Priest And A Dead Camel (S71, S677b)
          From: Tom_Adams on 98-06-06
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/31/2009

 A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a
 camel.  On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped
 dead without warning.  After dusting themselves off, the
 nun and the priest surveyed their situation.  After a
 long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister,
 this looks pretty grim." "I know, father" the nun answered.

 "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more
 than a day or two."  "I agree" said the nun.

 "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive,
 would you do something for me?"  "Anything father."

 "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if
 I might see yours." "Well, under the circumstances I don't
 see that it would do any harm."

 The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight
 of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their
 beauty.  "Sister would you mind if I touched them?"  She
 consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

 "Father, could I ask something of you?"

 "Yes sister?"

 "I have never seen a man's penis.  Could I see yours?"

 "I suppose that would be OK," the priest replied lifting
 his robe.

 "Oh father, may I touch it?"  This time the priest consented
 and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge
 erection.

 "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right
 place, it can give life."

 "Is that true father?"

 "Yes it is, sister."

 "Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets
 get the fuck out of here."

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Subj:     Camel Balls (S48)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/29/97
 (Also see the video 'Italian Time Piece' in Thought-Time-Supp)

 An 'American' tourist couple, both sociologists, were walking
 the streets of a small town in Saudi Arabia.  It was nearing
 the middle of the day and they didn't want to miss lunch at
 their ramshackle hotel - the only one in town and which
 always served meals promptly.  They came upon an old herder
 perched on a stool beside his camel.  "Excuse me, sir," the
 man asked, "but could you tell me the time?"

 The old man glanced at them, spat in the dirt, then turned and
 reached under his camel and hefted the animal's testicles.
 After a moment, he released them. "It is 10 minutes before
 noon," he replied.  The couple exchanged confused looks,
 thanked the man and hurried back to their hotel, arriving
 just in time for the meal.

 Later that day, the wandering couple found themselves again
 on the same street and spied the old herder perched beside
 his camel, apparently unmoved.  Curious as to how he could
 tell time by fondling his animal's balls---an old Muslim
 craft?-- they approached him and asked again, "Sir, can you
 tell us the time?"  They watched closely as he again reached
 up and grabbed the camel's jewels, seemingly judging their
 weight, then pronounced, "It is half-past four."

 The couple excitedly exchanged looks. The woman blurted,
 "Oh, sir!  That is an amazing ability you have!  Could you
 show us how you do it?!?

 "Surely," the herder responded tiredly, and motioned them to
 squat beside him. "Now, grasp his balls gently and lift them
 up to his belly." The woman did so while her companion
 watched. "What now?", she inquired.

 "Now," said the old man, "look over there, can you now see
 the clock in the far tower?  When the big hand is on the..."

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(S651b)
     by John Graziano
     From: Comics.com on 6/20/2009
 Source: http://comics.com/ripleys_believe_it_or_not/
 

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Subj:     Commander Has Sex With Camel (S67, S459b)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #114 on 98-05-09
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/9/2005

 Back in the days of the glorious British Empire, a young
 officer arrived at his first posting, the command of a tiny
 fort in the middle of the desert, twenty miles from the
 nearest town.  His new second-in-command is showing him
 around the base, when just outside the fort's walls they
 come across a decrepit, flea-ridden old camel.

 'What's this bloomin' camel for?' asked the officer?

 'Well, sir,' his second-in-command replied, 'the troops,
 stuck out here in the desert for months at a time, have
 certain.... er.... manly needs, from time to time.  When
 they need to do something about them, they use old Deirdre
 the camel here'.  The officer, rather embarrassed, says
 nothing, and continues with the tour.

 A few months go by, and the officer is beginning to feel
 those 'manly needs' himself.  So he calls his number two
 and says: 'I feel I may... er... require the services of
 Deirdre the camel tonight.  Tell me, when the men... er...
 use her, do they have her bathed first?'

 'Yes, sir'.

 'Well then, see to it that she is bathed'.

 'They also have her flea-powdered, first, sir'.

 'Very good, see that that is done, too.  I couldn't help
 but notice that she is a rather tall animal.  Tell me, do
 the men use a ladder when they, er... mount her?'

 'Yes sir, always'.

 'Very well, see to it that a ladder is provided'.

 'Very good sir. She'll be prepared for you within the hour.'

 After an hour, the officer is escorted to the side of the
 fort, where Deirde waits, powdered, washed and with a ladder
 by her side.

 The officer moves the ladder to the back of the animal,
 climbs it, drops his pants and begins furiously ramming
 into the backside of the animal.  He motions to his
 second-in-command:

 'Tell me, is this how the men do it?'

 'Well, no sir, they normally ride the camel to the nearest
 town and pay for a prostitute, sir'.

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Subj:     Man And Camel In Desert (S291b)
          From Bawdy.Net Collage #15

 This guy is in the desert riding around on a camel and has
 been lost for weeks on end. With plenty of water and food,
 the only thing that he is lacking is sex and he's as horny
 as hell.  After a couple more days, he is unable to bear it
 any longer and tries to have a go at the camel, but every
 time he tries to mount at the rear, the camel walks forward.
 He tries 3 times with no success and gets pissed off and
 climbs back on the camel's back and rides off.

 After a week he tries again, but to no avail.  Two days later
 he sees a mirage - a gorgeous woman lying naked tied to stakes
 in the ground.  He can't believe his luck when he realizes
 that it's not a mirage.  He jumps off the camel whips out his
 knife and runs to the woman.

 "Oh mister, please untie me and I will do anything for you.
 ANYTHING!!"  Before you could say "Mount a camel" he has the
 woman untied.

 "What can I do for you?" she asked.

 "Oh, please...." he says as he walks to the back of the camel,
 "Hold this fucking camel steady for me".


Subj:     Short Camel Jokes

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Subj:     Judging Others (S658b)
          From: rfslick
          on 8/15/2009
 Click 'HERE' to read this cute, off-color joke.
 

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Subj:     Camel Picture (S501b)
          From: darrell94590
          on 8/24/2006
 This amazing picture of camels in the desert is considered
 one of the best pictures of the year (2005).  Click 'HERE'
 to view the picture and learn why it is amazing.
 

 Camel's milk does not curdle.

 In Nevada it is illegal to drive a camel on the highway...

From: mombear1 on 8/21/2001 (S238)
 A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

From: Dan_Dwyer on 11/4/2002 (S301b)
 Q: What do you call a camel with FOUR humps?
 A: It's a Saudi Quattro.

From: Chris F. verbally on 8/31/03 (S344b)
 Q: Why are camels called 'Ships of the Desert'?
 A: Because of all the Arab semen in them.

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............................From Smiliemania.da
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