(Includes 16 jokes and articles, 30915,5,cif,wXT3a,3)
Also see CONDOM file - 'Two
Old Ladies And A Condom'
MIDDLE EAST - 'US Tourist Offered Camels For Wife'
PLANE2 file - 'How To Tell If There's A Terrorist At The Airport'
POLIT-BUSH - 'What's Taking So Long?'
Subj: Camelflage (S915)
Posted by: bobafettsav
From: Ken Little on Facebook
Subj: Commander Has Sex With Camel (S67, S459b)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #114 on 98-05-09
Back in the days of the glorious
British Empire, a young
officer arrived at his first posting, the command of a tiny
fort in the middle of the desert, twenty miles from the
nearest town. His new second-in-command is showing him
around the base, when just outside the fort's walls they
come across a decrepit, flea-ridden old camel.
'What's this bloomin' camel for?' asked the officer?
'Well, sir,' his second-in-command
replied, 'the troops,
stuck out here in the desert for months at a time, have
certain.... er.... manly needs, from time to time. When
they need to do something about them, they use old Deirdre
the camel here'. The officer, rather embarrassed, says
nothing, and continues with the tour.
A few months go by, and the officer
is beginning to feel
those 'manly needs' himself. So he calls his number two
and says: 'I feel I may... er... require the services of
Deirdre the camel tonight. Tell me, when the men... er...
use her, do they have her bathed first?'
'Well then, see to it that she is bathed'.
'They also have her flea-powdered, first, sir'.
'Very good, see that that is
done, too. I couldn't help
but notice that she is a rather tall animal. Tell me, do
the men use a ladder when they, er... mount her?'
'Yes sir, always'.
'Very well, see to it that a ladder is provided'.
'Very good sir. She'll be prepared for you within the hour.'
After an hour, the officer is
escorted to the side of the
fort, where Deirde waits, powdered, washed and with a ladder
by her side.
The officer moves the ladder
to the back of the animal,
climbs it, drops his pants and begins furiously ramming
into the backside of the animal. He motions to his
'Tell me, is this how the men do it?'
'Well, no sir, they normally
ride the camel to the nearest
town and pay for a prostitute, sir'.
The Llama Movie (S614d)
From: darrellvip on 10/10/2008
Source: (Removed from spike.com)
Steve-O and Chris Pontius of
"Jackass" fame dress up as a
llama on a farm... and get into a little trouble. This is
very funny, but it is another stupid, juvenile male video.
Click 'HERE' to see my copy, to get a laugh.
Subj: Man On Camel Dying Of Thirst (S149)
From: DR SWITZER on 12/08/1999
(Also see 'Arab And Jewish Tie Salesman' in ARAB)
A man on a camel rode through
miles of the sun-drenched desert
searching for some sign of life. His supplies were running low
when his camel died. Now on foot, he desperately sought refuge
from the heat, and, most importantly, a source for water.
Suddenly, he came across a vendor in the middle of the desert.
"Thank God I found you!" the
man cried. "Please help me. I'm
in dire need of some water."
"Well," said the vendor, "I don't
have any water. But would
you like to buy one of these fine ties."
"What am I going to do with a tie?" the man asked.
"That's what I'm selling sir.
If you don't like it, I can't
The man left the vendor and walked
on for many more miles,
praying each minute that he would find refuge from the scorching
sun. His eyes squinted a bunch of times when he came across a
restaurant in the distance. Unable to comprehend a restaurant
located in the middle of the desert, he assumed the place was a
mirage, but decided to check it out anyway. As he approached the
door, his mouth opened in amazement, seeing that the place actually
The doorman stopped him before
he entered. "Excuse me sir," the
doorman said, "but you can't come in here without a tie!"
Subj: Sex Like A Camel (S78, S842)
From: DoctorDebt on 4/22/2004
This married couple was on holiday
in Pakistan. They were
touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and
such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside
they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You,
foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." So the
married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them,
"I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested
They make you wild at sex like
a great desert camel." Well,
the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after
what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really
didn't need the, being the sex god he was. The husband
asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Pakistani man replied, "Just try them on." Well, the
husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded
to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he
got this wild look in his eyes something his wife hadn't seen
in many years-raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the
husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and
started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani
man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!".
Subj: The Desert Life (S898)
From: Rod Castro on Facebook
Source: (Removed from facebook.com/photo)
Subj: A Nun, A Priest And A Dead Camel (S71, S677b)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-06-06
A nun and a priest were crossing
the Sahara desert on a
camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped
dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the
nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a
long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister,
this looks pretty grim." "I know, father" the nun answered.
"In fact, I don't think it likely
that we can survive more
than a day or two." "I agree" said the nun.
"Sister, since we are unlikely
to make it out of here alive,
would you do something for me?" "Anything father."
"I have never seen a woman's
breasts and I was wondering if
I might see yours." "Well, under the circumstances I don't
see that it would do any harm."
The nun opened her habit and
the priest enjoyed the sight
of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their
beauty. "Sister would you mind if I touched them?" She
consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I suppose that would be OK,"
the priest replied lifting
"Oh father, may I touch it?"
This time the priest consented
and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge
"Sister, you know that if I insert
my penis in the right
place, it can give life."
"Is that true father?"
"Yes it is, sister."
"Then why don't you stick it
up that camel's ass and lets
get the fuck out of here."
Subj: Camel Balls (S48)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/29/97
(Also see the video 'Italian Time Piece' in Thought-Time-Supp)
An 'American' tourist couple,
both sociologists, were walking
the streets of a small town in Saudi Arabia. It was nearing
the middle of the day and they didn't want to miss lunch at
their ramshackle hotel - the only one in town and which
always served meals promptly. They came upon an old herder
perched on a stool beside his camel. "Excuse me, sir," the
man asked, "but could you tell me the time?"
The old man glanced at them,
spat in the dirt, then turned and
reached under his camel and hefted the animal's testicles.
After a moment, he released them. "It is 10 minutes before
noon," he replied. The couple exchanged confused looks,
thanked the man and hurried back to their hotel, arriving
just in time for the meal.
Later that day, the wandering
couple found themselves again
on the same street and spied the old herder perched beside
his camel, apparently unmoved. Curious as to how he could
tell time by fondling his animal's balls---an old Muslim
craft?-- they approached him and asked again, "Sir, can you
tell us the time?" They watched closely as he again reached
up and grabbed the camel's jewels, seemingly judging their
weight, then pronounced, "It is half-past four."
The couple excitedly exchanged
looks. The woman blurted,
"Oh, sir! That is an amazing ability you have! Could you
show us how you do it?!?
"Surely," the herder responded
tiredly, and motioned them to
squat beside him. "Now, grasp his balls gently and lift them
up to his belly." The woman did so while her companion
watched. "What now?", she inquired.
"Now," said the old man, "look
over there, can you now see
the clock in the far tower? When the big hand is on the..."
by John Graziano on 6/20/2009
This guy is in the desert riding
around on a camel and has
been lost for weeks on end. With plenty of water and food,
the only thing that he is lacking is sex and he's as horny
as hell. After a couple more days, he is unable to bear it
any longer and tries to have a go at the camel, but every
time he tries to mount at the rear, the camel walks forward.
He tries 3 times with no success and gets pissed off and
climbs back on the camel's back and rides off.
After a week he tries again,
but to no avail. Two days later
he sees a mirage - a gorgeous woman lying naked tied to stakes
in the ground. He can't believe his luck when he realizes
that it's not a mirage. He jumps off the camel whips out his
knife and runs to the woman.
"Oh mister, please untie me and
I will do anything for you.
ANYTHING!!" Before you could say "Mount a camel" he has the
"What can I do for you?" she asked.
"Oh, please...." he says as he
walks to the back of the camel,
"Hold this fucking camel steady for me".
Subj: Short Camel Jokes
Judging Others (S658b)
From: rfslick on 8/15/2009
Camel Picture (S501b)
From: darrell94590 on 8/24/2006
This amazing picture of camels in the desert is
Camel's milk does not curdle.
In Nevada it is illegal to drive a camel on the highway...
From: mombear1 on 8/21/2001 (S238)
A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
From: Dan_Dwyer on 11/4/2002 (S301b)
Q: What do you call a camel with FOUR humps?
A: It's a Saudi Quattro.
From: Chris F. verbally on 8/31/03
Q: Why are camels called 'Ships of the Desert'?
A: Because of all the Arab semen in them.