dog1

Subj: Dog1 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 27 jokes and articles)

DOG1 and DOG3 file contains jokes
DOG2 file contains oddities
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Subj: Conan O'Brien's Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog
I am starting to gather video clips of
Triumph's comic routines and will list
them here.

Star Wars Premier In New York City

.

Bon Jovi And The Insult Comic Dog

.

Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog, At The Tonys

..

Triumph Gives The Hawaii Weather Report

.
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Subj:     Boy Sees Two Dogs Mate (S328)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 5/14/2003

One day, a father and his son were walking in the woods on
their way home when suddenly they came upon two dogs mating
in the brush.

"What are they doing, Dad?" asked the small child, staring
intently at the scene before them.

"They, um, they're making a puppy" said the boy's father,
as he grabbed his coat and moved him along quickly. A few
nights later, the little boy woke up and got up from his
bed to go to the bathroom.

As he walked by his parents' room, he heard strange noises
coming from within. He opened the door and was surprised to
see his father on top of his mother, moving in a strange
way. His father looked up and saw his son - instantly, both
mother and father froze. As the boy's mother grabbed for
the sheets to cover herself up, the father got up and
hustled his son out of the bedroom.

"What were you doing to Mom, Dad?" asked the little boy, who
still wasn't sure what he saw. "Your mother and I were,
well, we were, ah, trying to make a baby - you know, maybe
a brother or sister for you" said the boy's father, now
confident that this would satisfy his son's curiosity.

"Oh" said the little boy, thinking hard for a minute.
"Y'know Dad, when you go back to bed with mom, turn her
over, please - I'd rather have a puppy".

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Subj:     Grandma Explains Dogs Mating (S282)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #171 on 98-07-10
      and From: dogbyte on 6/23/2002

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came
across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.

"What are they doing, Grandma?" asked the little girl.

The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, "The dog on
top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying
him to the doctor."

"They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?" said the
little one.

"How do you mean?" asked the Grandma.

"Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl, "and
they screw you everytime!"

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Subj:     God Created Cats And Dogs (S116, S396)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 6/28/98
      and From: Imogenelumen on 8/24/2004

It is reported that the following edition of the Book of
Genesis was discovered in the Dead Seal Scrolls. If authentic,
it would shed light on the question, "Where do pets come from?"

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked
with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lone-
some here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you
love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you
that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of
my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when
you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish and childish
and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you
as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And
it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged
his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all
the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new
animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will
be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved
him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog
was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel
came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled
with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he
believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught
him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a
companion who will be with him forever and who will see him
as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations,
so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat
would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that
he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased.

And Adam was greatly improved.

And Dog was happy.

And the cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

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Subj:     Three Dogs At The Vets (S159)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #111 on 98-05-06
      and From: icohen on 02/15/2000
      (See 'Woman Complains To Vet About Dog' in Dog3)

Three dogs - a Great Dane, a Boxer, and a Labrador - are
sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office, when they
strike up a conversation. The Great Dane turns to the
Boxer and says, "So, why are you here?"

The Boxer replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything -
the sofa, the cat and the kids. But the final straw was
last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The Great Dane says, "So, what is the vet going to do?"

"Lethal injection," comes the reply from the sad Boxer.

The Great Dane then turns to the Labrador and asks, "Why
are you here?"

The Lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up
flowers and trees, and I dig just for the hell of it.
When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I crossed the
line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my owner's
couch."

"So, what are they going to do to you?" the Great Dane
inquires.

"Lethal injection," the dejected Lab replies.

The Labrador then turns to the Great Dane and asks what
he's at the vet's office for.

"I'm a humper," the Great Dane says. "I'll hump anything.
I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants,
whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday,
my owner, a beautiful runway model, had just gotten out
of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and
I couldn't help myself. I hopped onto her back and
started humping away."

The Boxer and Labrador exchange a sad glance and ask, "So,
lethal injection for you too, huh?"

The Great Dane says, "No, no - I'm here to get my nails clipped."

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Subj:     Dog Applies For Job (S287b)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #105 on 98-04-30
      and From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 7/29/2002

A local business was looking for office help. They put a
sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED.
Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must
be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window,
saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist
and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at
it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager.
The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to
say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he
lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the
chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said "I can't hire you. The sign says you have
to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the type-
writer and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took
out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to
him, then jumped back on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but then told the dog "the sign
says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped
down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to
enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly
the first time.

By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He
looked at the dog and said "I realize that you are a very
intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. How-
ever, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put
his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal
Opportunity Employer. The manager said "yes, but the sign
*also* says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"

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Subj:     Cartoon - The Grim Sweeper (S386)
          From: cookpat on 6/21/2004
      and From: Doctor Fun Comics

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Subj:     Dog Has Bath With Detergent (S66)
          From: RFSlick on 98-04-30

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom
and Pop" grocery picking out a pretty good size box of
laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to
be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very
powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick.
In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent
to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still
tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some
candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was
sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to
use that detergent on your dog."

"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent
that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle!"

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Subj:     Mass For A Dead Dog
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #77 on 98-03-27

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside
with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon
went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead.
Could you be saying a mass for the creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an
animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down
the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do
something for the animal."

Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is
enough to donate for the service?"

Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was
Catholic?"

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Subj:     Dog Goes To The Butcher Shop (S181)
          From: The Bartenders Joke of the Day for 04 Feb 98
      and From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 7/20/00

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around
his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there
until it's his turn to be waited on.

A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase
and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and
asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the
glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said,
"How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a
package of two pounds ground beef. He then said, "Anything else?"
The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How
many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a
package of four pork chops.

The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher
could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate
amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's
neck.

The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow
the dog. It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a
house where it began to scratch the door to be let in. As the
owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, "That's a
really smart dog you have there."

The owner said, "He's not really all that smart. This is the
second time this week he forgot his key."

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Subj:     Sick Dog Goes To Vet (S107, S360)
          From: Playboy 1997
      and From: FrankRoesc on 99-02-08

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming
for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room
and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The
vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments
tells the man that his dog, regrettable, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this,
demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room
and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the
dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail
poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the
vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry,
but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body,
walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab
thinks your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and
asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for
my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan
and lab tests."

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Subj:     Who's Dog Is Better (S148, S483b)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 11/30/1999
      and From: flovilla on 4/23/2006

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. One
was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third
was a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog, "T-Square" do
your stuff!" T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some
paper and a pen and promptly drew a square, circle and
triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But, the accountant
said his dog could do better. He called to his dog and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went into the
kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He then divided
them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was good. But the chemist said his dog
could do better. He called to his dog and said, "Measure,
do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge,
took out a quart of milk, got a 10 oz. glass from the cup-
board and poured exactly 8 oz. without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was pretty impressive. The three men
turned to the government worker and said, "What can your
dog do?" The government worker called to his dog and said,
"Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his
feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, took a crap on the
paper, had sex with the other three dogs, claimed he injured
his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe
working conditions, put in for worker's compensation and
then went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

They ALL agreed, that dog was bloody brilliant!!!

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Subj:     Lost Puppy (S476b in Fat)
          From: darrell94590
          on 2/28/2006

Our neighbor has lost her Chihuahua. Your help would be
greatly appreciated. You can view the particulars on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Dog Named MyPenis (S317b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/21/2003

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if
your dog's name was 'Mypenis'?

Mypenis ate my homework.

Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis.

I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep
Mypenis on a leash.

I love giving Mypenis a bath.

Mypenis needs to get more exercise.
He weighs over fifty pounds.

Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.

Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?

I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.

Help! I can't find Mypenis!

Sorry to be driving so slow, officer,
but I was looking for Mypenis.

Mypenis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.

Oh. no! Something bit Mypenis!

Watch it or you'll step on Mypenis.

When Mypenis behaves well, he gets a bone.

Sorry I'm late, but Mypenis kept me up howling all night...

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Subj:     A Dog Named Sex (S100, S556b)
          From: ossama on 98-12-31
      and From: ginafm on 9/9/2007

Everybody has a dog called Rover or Boy. I call my dog "Sex".
When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I
wanted a licence for Sex. He said "I'd like one too."

I said "This is a dog." He said he didn't care what she
looked like. I said "You don't understand I've had Sex since
I was nine years old." He said "You must have been quite a
kid."

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog
with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my
wife, me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room
in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand Sex
keeps me awake at night." The clerk said "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition
began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I
was just standing there looking around. I told him I had
planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should
have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said.
I hoped to have Sex on T.V. He called me a show off.

When my wife and I seperated, we went to court to fight for
custody of the dog. I said "Your honor, I had Sex before I
was married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that
after I was married Sex left. He said "Me too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around
town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you
doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said I'm
looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.

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Subj:     Talking Dog For Sale (S294b, S483)
          From: pns on 9/15/2002
      and From: gattica30 on 4/28/2006

This guy sees a sign in front of a house, "Talking Dog for
Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog
is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and
sees a mutt sitting there. "You talk?", he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says "Well, I discovered this gift
pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I
told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me
jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with
spies and world leaders, cause no one figured a dog would
be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies
eight years running. The jetting around really tired me
out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted
to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport
to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering
near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered
some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of
medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just
retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner
what he wants for the dog.

The owner says "Ten dollars."

The guy says he'll buy him but asks the owner, "This dog
is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?"

The owner replies, "He's such a liar."

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Subj:     Man And Talking Dog Go To Bar
          From: THE GAG ROOM on 03/16/97

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the
dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that
he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't.

The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at
the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building
which keeps the rain from coming inside?"

The dog answers "ROOF."

Guy asks the dog, "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog says, "Rough!"

The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying."

The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll
ask him something else".

The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and
asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time".

The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH."

With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them
out the door. As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks
at his owner and says "DiMaggio?".

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Subj:     Man And Talking Dog Go To Bar II (S313)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 1/28/2003

A ventriloquist goes into a tavern in a small town, takes
a seat at the bar, and puts a small dog on the seat next
to him. "Give me a beer," the man says to the bartender.
Then he turns to his dog and asks, "What would you like?"

"You can bring me the same," the dog says. "And I'd like
mine very cold, please."

The bartender can hardly believe what he has just heard.
"A talking dog?" he asks.

"Yes," the ventriloquist says, acting as if it's nothing
special. "I worked hard to teach him and finally he just
started talking."

"What a boon that would be to my business," the bartender
thinks to himself. He says to the ventriloquist, "I'll give
you $50 for him."

"No," says the ventriloquist. "The little fellow loves me
very much, and it would hurt him if I were to sell him."

"I'll give you $100," the bartender says.

"No, I couldn't part with him for so little."

"OK, I'll make it $5,000," the bartender says.

The ventriloquist gives it some thought and finally says,
"OK, he's yours."

The bartender gets the money from his safe and hands it to
the ventriloquist. In the door, the ventriloquist turns to
the dog and says with great sadness in his voice, "So long,
old friend."

"Old friend, my foot!" the dog says. "Is this the way humans
pay for love and fidelity? I'll never say another word!"

With that, the ventriloquist goes to his car and speeds off.

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Subj:     Two Dogs Stuck Mating

It's 12:30 am and the phone rings by the veterinarian's bed.

"Yeah!?" yells the veterinarian into the phone.

"Oh help sir," begs a little old lady. "My little poodle Fifi
has been... ahh, mated to a German Shepherd and now they are
stuck together. Poor Fifi is yapping and oh it is so horrid!"

"You on a cordless phone?" growls the vet.

"Well yes..but..."

"Just hang up and go out there and hold the phone up to the
Shepherd's head and I'll call you right back."

"Will the ringing of the phone stop him from, ahh doing it?"
asks the puzzled old woman.

"Well, you old bat, it sure the fuck stopped me!" snaps the vet.

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Subj:     Two Dogs Talking
          From: Playboy February 1997

Two dogs were walking through the park when one told the
other that his humans had thrown him out of the house.

"What for?" his companion asked.

"For pissing on the rug."

"Big deal. They piss in your water bowl, don't they?"

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Subj:     A Dog Named Skidboot (S509)
          From: darrell94590
          on 10/19/2006

This 6,500 KB movie is about the most amazing dog. You can
view it on my weg site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Dog Pulls A Wagon

These two kids are sitting in a wagon pulled by their dog.
A policeman happens by and sees this, and comes over to
talk to the kids. He says, "You can't make your dog pull
you in the wagon. That's cruelty to animals."

Then he looks a little closer at the dog and sees that it
has a piece of string wrapped around its balls, and that
one of the kids is holding tightly to the other end. "Hey,
you can't tie string to your dog's testicles," he says.
"That's not humane."

One of the little kids leans over to his friend, "What are
testicles?"

"Dunno. I think he's talking about the passing gear!"

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Subj:     Wife In Bed With Best Friend
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97

Bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy
with his head down who hasn't touched his drink for over a
half an hour. He heads over to talk to him.

Bartender: "Hey pal, is something wrong?"

The Guy: "Yeah,... I'm really depressed"

Bartender: "Why, what's the matter?"

The Guy: "I caught my wife in bed with my best friend"

Bartender: "Wow, that's horrible. What did you do?"

The Guy: "I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing,
it's over"

Bartender: "That's pretty drastic, what did you do to
your best friend?"

The Guy: "I sat him down... tied him up... looked him straight
in the eye... and said...Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"

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Subj:     A Doberman, A Chihuahua, And A Restaurant (S167, S543c)
          From: thebartend on 4/13/00
      and From: rfslick on 6/14/2007

2 guys are out walking their dogs on a Sunday afternoon. After
a while Tom says to Dave "wouldn't a beer taste good right about
now?" To which, of course, Dave responds, "Yeah, it would be
good, but we've got the dogs with us"

Tom thinks for a minute and says "Follow me". He puts on his
sunglasses and walks into the bar. The bartender stops him
and says "Hey pal, you can't come in here with that dog!"

Tom replies "This is my seeing eye dog!" The bartender says "A
Doberman?!" Tom says "Yeah, they're great---they protect you
and help you get around"

The bartender tells him to sit down And relax. Dave follows
Tom in with his sunglasses on.

The bartender stops him "Hey pal, you can't bring your dog in
here"

Dave replies "This is my seeing eye dog." The bartender says "A
chihuahua?!!" and starts laughing.

Dave replied "Oh man, they gave me a friggin' chihuahua?!!"

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Subj:     Police Dog Applies For FBI
          Compiled by Max Weinstein on 11/15/94

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well,"
says the personnel director, "you'll have to meet some strict
requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per
minute." Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out
80 words per minute. "Also," says the director, "you must
pass a physical and complete the obstacle course."

This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record
time. "There's one last requirement," the director continues;
"you must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at
him and says, "Meow!"

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Subj:     'Beware Of Dog' Sign
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-08-22

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed
a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass
door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on
the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store
manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly
doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world
would you post that sign?"

"Because"; the owner replied, "before I posted that sign,
people kept tripping over him."

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Subj:     Dog Brings Home A Rabbit (S42)
          From: The Bartenders Joke of the day for 21 Oct 97

The old lady who lived next door to my grandmother was a
known lush around town and liked to call the police if my
granny's dog was loose. One rainy day granny and I were
sitting on the porch watching the rain and waiting for the
dog to finish his "business". When he didn't come when she
called, my granny started to get worried that he had gotten
off into Nellie's yard. He soon came back with what at first
looked like a stuffed animal. "Oh my God" Granny cried, "He
is gotten into Nellie's rabbit cage and has killed her rabbit.
My grandmother washed off the mud from the lifeless rabbit
and got out her blow dryer. "What are you doing?" I asked
her. "I'm going to put this rabbit back in the cage before
Nellie gets home."

A few hours later, as I was about to leave, the police arrived
and Nellie was screaming something about her rabbit. I walked
over to the policeman and asked him what was going on as my
grandmother peered from inside the house. "Old Nellie has
really lost it this time. She thinks that the rabbit she
buried yesterday somehow crawled back into its cage."

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Subj:     Two Farmers And A Dog Who Can Count
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #207 on 97-11-03

Two farmers are shooting the shit out in the fields. The
first farmer starts bragging about how his dog can count.
The second farmer, not believing this, says, "Prove it."

So the first farmer says, "Ok Rex, go count the ducks in
the pond." So Rex runs takes off and comes back a minute
later and barks four times. The first farmer says, "Four
ducks in the pond."

So the second farmer walks over to the pond and sure enough,
four ducks are in the pond. He goes back to the fields and
says, "That's bullshit, let's see him do that again!"

The first farmer looks at Rex and says, "do it again boy."
So Rex runs down to the pond again and when he returns he
barks ten times. The second farmer goes back down to the
pond where, lo and behold, there are ten ducks.

"Shit!" said the farmer. However, he still was not convinced.
So, he goes back to the first farmer and says, "One more
time." So the first farmer again dispatches Rex to the pond.

Moments later, Rex returns and begins to vigorously fuck the
first farmer's leg and then he proceeds to pick up a stick
and begins shaking it like hell. The second farmer gloats,
"See, that fuckin dog can't count. He's gone fuckin mad!!"

The first farmer says, "No, No, you don't understand him.
He's saying, "There are more fucking ducks down there than
you can shake a stick at!"

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Subj:     How To Draw A Dog (S453)
          From: darrell94590
          on 9/18/2005

You can learn how to draw a dog on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Smiley and dog from
Smiley_Central

.