Subj:     Dog2 Jokes
                 (Includes 44 jokes, 05 1116n,24,cf,vXT2c7a,17)
..........L5 Updated

Mean Dog from
AGAG Animation Gallery
Includes the following:  Dog Smells Chalk Drawing - Photo (S963)
.........................Talking Dog - Video (S491)
.........................Pickles Comic Strip (S918)
.........................Dog Property Laws (S125)
.........................Hairy Dog Is Hard Of Hearing (S324)
.........................Doridos And A Hungary Dog - Commercial (S1113)
.........................Three Male Dogs Meet a Beautuful Poodle (S376b)
.........................Halo The Dog Plays Pool - Video (S984)
.........................When To Buy A Dog - Web Page w/8 Photos (S423b)
.........................Things We Can Learn From A Dog...', etc. (S17, S567b)
.........................Dogs Play Banjos - Video (S957)
.........................How Many Dogs - Change Light Bulb? - Web Page (S291b)
.........................Dog Peeves About Humans (S272)
.........................Walking The Dog - Web Page w/Photo (S402)
.........................Our Best Friends? (S110, S361b)
.........................Hercules, World's Biggest Dog - Web Page w/2 Photos (S533c)
.........................Fundamentalist Couple Buy A Dog (S97)
.........................Adult Dog Store - Cartoon (S458b)
.........................Doggie Pledge (S90)
.........................A Gary Larson Dog Cartoon - Web Page (S535b)
.........................Dog Meeting Poem(S253)
.........................Cute Police Bloodhound - Web Page w/Photo (S543c)
.........................Why Dogs Are Better Than Kids (S392)
.........................Why Dogs Are Better Than Women
.........................Smart Dog - Dirty Sunday Comic Strip - Web Page (S549b)
.........................How Dogs And Women Are Alike
.........................Mother Goose And Grimm II - Cartoon (S978)
.........................How Women Are Better Than Dogs
.........................A Dog And His Owner - Web Page w/Photo (S550b)
.........................Who Needs A Man?
.........................Two Cute Dog Pictures - Web Page (S550c)
.........................How Dogs And Men Are The Same (S342)
........................."You scratch my back I'll scratch yours" - Web Page w/GIF (S874)
.........................How Dogs Are Better Than Men (S342)
.........................Dog With Firework - Video (S552c)
.........................Where Dogs Fall Down
.........................The Faithful Dog - Web Page w/Drawing (S551b)
.........................Basic Rules for Dogs Who Have a Yard to Protect (S416b)
.........................I Do Dog Tricks - Video (S550)
.........................21 Things I Wish My Dog Would Remember (S229)
.........................Mother Goose And Grimm Cartoon (S590b)
.........................Life Lessons Learned From A Dog (S125)
.........................If You Can (S114)
.........................Lord Help Me - Sign (S451)

DOG1 and DOG3 file contains jokes
DOG2 file contains oddities
Subj:     Dog Smells Chalk Drawing (S963)
          From: darrelldre in 2015
 Source: www.dailypicksandflicks.com/2014/01/
Subj:     Talking Dog (S491)
          From: darrell94590
..........in 2006 (d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/FrmxZpZWd6k

 A cute pug named Odie says, "I love you" on the Montel
 Williams Show.  Click 'HERE'. to see this video.

Subj:     Hairy Dog Is Hard Of Hearing (S324, S736)
          From: Grampsboyd in 2003

 (See 'College Girl Buys Monkey' in Monkey)

 My neighbor discovered her dog, a Schnauzer, could hardly
hear, so she took it to the veterinarian.  He
found the problem was hair in it's ears, so he
cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
The vet told her if she wanted to keep this
from reoccurring, she should go to the store
and get some 'Nair" hair remover and rub in
it's ears once a month.
 The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair"
 hair remover.  At the register, the druggist tells her
 "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use
 deodorant for a few days."

 The lady says "I'm not using it under my arms."  The
 druggist says, "If you're using it on your legs, don't
 shave for a couple of days."

 The lady says "I'm not using it on my legs either, and
 if you must know I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

 The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for a week."

Subj:     Pickles Comic Strip (S918)
          By Brian Crane in 2014
Source: www.gocomics.com/pickles/2014/08/16
Subj:     Dog Property Laws (S125)
          From: RFSlick in 1999

  1. If I like it, it's mine.
  2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
  3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
  4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
  5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
  6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
  7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
  8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
  9. If you are playing with something and you put it down,
     it automatically becomes mine.
 10. If it's broken, it's yours.

Subj:     Doridos And A Hungary Dog
          From: Andrew Fine
..........in 2018 (S1113d-On Site)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/ArjhU5KIO44
 Click 'HERE' to see Man's-Best-Friend exhausts every trick
 to get a chip during the big game in this cute commercial.
Subj:     Three Male Dogs Meet a Beautuful Poodle
          From: RFSlick in 2004 (S376b, S594c)

 Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when
 they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

 The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort
 to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in
 front of her at the same time.

 The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on
 themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

 Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three
 suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first
 one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in
 an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

 The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says,
 "I love liver and cheese."

 "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no
 imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

 She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says
 "How well can you do?"

 "Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

 "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's
 just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

 She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says,
 "How about you, little guy?"

 The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and
 finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.  He gives her a smile,
 a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and
 says ......
 "Liver alone. Cheese mine."

Subj:     Halo The Dog Plays Pool (S984)
          From: Rita Martinez in 2016 (d-On Site)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/yHiiG3-yU7k
.......Click 'HERE' to watch Halo play a game of pool.
Subj:     When To Buy A Dog
          From: hellgunner50
..........in 2005 (S423b, S587)

 To read "When to buy a dog", click 'HERE'.

Subj:     Things We Can Learn From A Dog...', etc.
          From: TNKRTEACH in 1997 (S17, S567b)

 Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
 Allow the experience of fresh air and
    the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
 When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
 When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
 Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
 Take naps and stretch before rising.
 Run, romp and play daily.
 Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had
    enough. Be loyal.
 Never pretend to be something you're not.
 If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
 When someone is having a bad day, be silent,
    sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
 Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
 Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
 On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
 When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
 No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the
    guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends.
 Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

From: gheckman in 2001
 And finally:  Never trust anyone until you sniff their butt.

Subj:     Dogs Play Banjos (S957)
          By: Cameron Owens (d-On Site)
          From: James Canady on Facebook
  Source: www.youtube.com/embed/SleYHOcLjOg
.......Click 'HERE' to see two dogs playing dueling banjos.
Subj:     How Many Dogs-Change A Light Bulb? 
          From: auntiegah
..........in 2002 and 2006 (S291b, S649b)

 You can view this cute web page 36 photos by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Dog Peeves About Humans (S272, S497c)
          From: morinhome in 2002

  1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good
     leg humping.
  2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all.
  3. Yelling at me for barking...I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!
  4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't
     rubbing itself all over everything while you're gone.
     (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little
     like cat butt?)
  5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff
     out.  Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
  6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...
     stop it.
  7. Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet.
     Why'd you buy carpet?
  8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
     Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing
  9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself.  Look, we
     both know the truth, you're just jealous.
 10. Dog sweaters.  Have you noticed the fur?  Moron.
 11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.  Now you
     know why we chew your shit up when you're not home.
 12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard.  Do you
     realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
 13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting
     surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
 14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.  You fooled a
     dog!  What a proud moment for the top of the food
     chain, you loser.
 15. Invisible fences.  Why do you insist on screwing with
     us?  To my knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet solved the
     visible fence problem!

Subj:     Walking The Dog
          From: DafterLafter
..........in 2004 (S402)
Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)

 You can view this JPG picture on how to walk your dog by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Our Best Friends? (S110, S361b)
          From: RFSlick in 1999

 (See "Cats Are Like?" in CAT)

  What is a Cat?
  1.    Cats do what they want.
  2.    They rarely listen to you.
  3.    They're totally unpredictable.
  4.    They whine when they are not happy.
  5.    When you want to play, they want to be alone.
  6.    When you want to be alone, they want to play.
  7.    They expect you to cater to their every whim.
  8.    They're moody.
  9.    They leave hair everywhere.
 10.    They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

 Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

  What is a Dog?
  1.    Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most
        comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
  2.    They can hear a package of food opening half a block
        away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
  3.    They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
  4.    They growl when they are not happy.
  5.    When you want to play, they want to play.
  6.    When you want to be alone, they want to play.
  7.    They are great at begging.
  8.    They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
  9.    They leave their toys everywhere.
 10.    They do disgusting things with their mouths and
        then try to give you a kiss.

 Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

Subj:     Hercules, World's Biggest Dog (S533c)
          From: darrell94590 in 2007

 Hercules was recently awarded the honourable distinction of
 Worlds  Biggest Dog by Guinness World Records.  Hercules is
 an English Mastiff and has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds.

 With "paws the size of softballs" (reports the Boston Herald)
 the three-year-old monster is far larger and heavier than his
 breed's  standard 200lb. limit. Hercules owner Mr. Flynn says
 that Hercules weight is natural and not induced by a bizarre
 diet: "I fed him  normal food and he just grew"... and grew...
 and grew... and grew.

 You can see a picture of Hercules by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Fundamentalist Couple Buy A Dog
          From: ossama in 1998 (S97)

 This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to
 own an equally fundamentally Christian pet.  They went
 shopping at a kennel specializing in this particular breed,
 they found a dog they liked quite a lot.  When they asked
 the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash.  When
 they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied
 equally fast, using his paws with dexterity.  They were
 impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously,
 of course).

 That night they had friends over for dinner.  They were so
 proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills,
 they had the dog and show off a little.  The friends were
 impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of
 the usual dog tricks, as well.  This stopped the couple
 cold, as they hadn't thought about 'normal' tricks.

 "Well," they said, "let's try this out."  Once more they
 called out to the dog, and then clearly pronounced the
 command, "Heel!"  Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put
 his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in
 concentration, and bowed his head.

Subj:     Adult Dog Store (S458b)
          From: jbcary1 in 2005

Subj:     Doggie Pledge (S90)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #231 in 1998

 I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

 I will not burn rubber through the open car window and
 into the fast food restaurant, no matter how good it smells.

 The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.

 I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces
 of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

 I will not throw up in the car.

 I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself
 of hangers-on.

 I will not steal used sanitary napkins from the
 bathroom garbage.

 I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

 I will not eat other animals' poop.

 I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

 I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.

 "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

 I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit
 them in the backyard after processing.

 The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

 I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially
 the dirty ones.

 I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold,
 wet nose up her bottom end.

 I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

 I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially not the red
 ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

 When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
 rolled down when it's raining outside.

 I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear
 of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

 We do not have a doorbell.  I will not bark each time
 I hear one on TV.

 I will not steal my Mom's underwear and
 dance all over the back yard with it.

 The sofa is not a face towel.  Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

 My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

 I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches
 in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

 I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when
 he's on the toilet.

 I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
 I'm lying under the coffee table.

 I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

 The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

 I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering
 the house.

Subj:     A Gary Larson Dog Cartoon (S535b)
          From: edapsmas in 2007

 Jim sent me his favorite Gary Larson cartoon.  To make sure
 I would know what it meant he explained "This is an example
 acrylogia, substituting a word that sounds similar to the
 one you really want to use e.g. "I need a bambalance" for
 "I need an ambulance."

 Rarely do I find a Larson cartoon funny, but I trust
 Jim's opinion.  Drop me a note and tell me if it is
 funny.  To view it, click 'HERE'.

Subj:     Dog Meeting Poem (S253)
          From: dogbyte in 2001

 The dogs once held a meeting,
 They came from near and far.
 Some came by boats and planes,
 Others came by car.

 Before each dog could register
 His name upon the book,
 He had to take his asshole off
 And hang it on a hook.

 And as they sat there in a group,
 Each mother's son and sire,
 Some dirty little yellow cur
 Jumped up and hollered, "Fire!"

 And as they rushed out in a group,
 They had no time to look,
 And every dog at random
 Grabbed an asshole off a hook.

 And that is why
 to this very day
 A dog will leave a juicy bone,

 To smell another dog'ss asshole -
 He hopes to find his own.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #240 on 98-04-15
 This was a song that was written quite a while ago (in the
 1970's if I am not mistaken).  It is called "The Dog Song"
 by Karl Finger and is sung to a catchy blues progression.

Subj:     Cute Police Bloodhound Photo
          From: edapsmas
..........in 2007 (S543c)

 You can view this cute bloodhound picture by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Why Dogs Are Better Than Kids (S392)
          From:DafterLafter in 2004

 It doesn't take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside
 in the winter.

 Dogs cannot lie.

 Dogs never resist nap time.

 You don't need to get extra phone lines for a dog.

 Dogs don't pester you about getting a kid.

 Dogs don't care if the peas have been touched by the mashed

 Dogs are housebroken by the time they are 12 weeks old.

 Your dog is not embarrassed if you sing in public.

 Average cost of sending a dog to school:  $42

 Average cost of sending a kid: $103,000

Subj:     Why Dogs Are Better Than Women

 Dogs don't cry.
 Dogs love it when your friends come over.
 Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
 Dogs think you sing great.
 A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
 Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
 The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you
 Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
 Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
 Dogs are excited by rough play.
 Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
    (my personal Favorite)
 Dogs understand that farts are funny.
 Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
 Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
 If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
 Dogs don't shop.
 Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
 A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
 Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
 A dog's parents never visit.
 Dogs love long car trips.
 Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking
    for directions.
 Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs
    were made to be hunted.
 When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly,
    you can shoot it.
 Dogs like beer.
 Dogs don't hate their bodies.
 No dog ever bought a Kenny G album.
 No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
 Dogs never criticize.
 Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get
    your point across.
 Dogs never expect gifts.
 It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
 Dogs don't worry about germs.
 Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
 Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your
    wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
 Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
 Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger than a
 You never have to wait for a dog.  They're ready to
    go 24 hours a day.
.Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
 Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
 Dogs never want foot-rubs.
 Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
 Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
 Dogs can't talk.
 Dogs aren't catty.
 Dogs seldom outlive you.

Subj:     Smart Dog - Dirty Sinday Comic Strip
          in 2007 (S549b)
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)

 (Also see 'Pet Store Sells 'Oral Sex Frogs' in Frog)

 You can view this cure, dirty Sunday comic strip by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     How Dogs And Women Are Alike
          From: Ossama's Laugh in 1998

 Both look stupid in hats.
 Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
 Both tend to have "hip" problems.
 Neither understand football.
 Both look good in a fur coat.
 Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every
    word you say.
 Neither believe that silence is golden.
 Both constantly want back rubs.
 Neither can balance a checkbook.
 You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
 Both put too much value on kissing.

Subj:     Mother Goose And Grimm II (S978)
          By Mike Peters in 2008
 Source: www.grimmy.com/comics.php
Subj:     How Women Are Better Than Dogs
..........From: Ossama's Laugh in 1998

 It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.
 Women look good in sweaters.
 Women leave the room to fart.

Subj:     A Dog And His Owner
          in 2007 (S550b)
 Source: (Removed lablaughs.com)

 You can view this cute picture by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Who Needs A Man? (S380)
          From: DafterLafter in 2004

 If you want someone who will do anything to please you,
 get a dog.

 If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without
 tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog.

 If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself
 because he's so glad to see you, get a dog.

 If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of
 him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog.

 If you want someone who's always eager to go out any time
 you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog.

 If you want someone who can scare away burglars without
 waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the
 neighbors, get a dog.

 If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't
 care less about Monday Night Football, and watches
 dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog.

 If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up
 and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed
 if he slobbers and snores, get a dog.

 If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do,
 doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though
 every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and
 loves you unconditionally all the time, get a dog!

 On the other hand...
 If you want someone who never comes when you call him,
 totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair
 all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all
 night and come home only to eat and sleep all day, and
 acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy...

 Get a CAT!

Subj:     Two Cute Dog Pictures (S550c)
          From: rfslick in 2007

 You can view these two cute dog pictures by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     How Dogs And Men Are The Same (S342)
          From: LABLaugh.com in 2003

 Both take up too much space on the bed.
 Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
 Both are threatened by their own kind.
 Both mark their territory.
 Both are bad at asking you questions.
 Neither tells you what's bothering them.
 The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
 Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
 Neither does any dishes.
 Both fart shamelessly.
 Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
 Both like dominance games.
 Both are suspicious of the postman.
 Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
 Neither understands what you see in cats.

Subj:     "You scratch my back and
..............I'll scratch yours"
          From: virv in 2013 (S874)
 Source: www.imgur.com/7RoVT

 There is an old expression that says, "You scratch my back
 and I'll scratch yours" meaning, "You do a favor for me and
 I'll do a favor for you." This is the first time I have
 seen this actually illustrated.

 Click 'HERE' to see this wonderful animated GIF.

Subj:     How Dogs Are Better Than Men (S342)
          From: LABLaugh.com in 2003

 Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
 Dogs miss you when you're gone.
 Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
 Dogs don't criticize your friends.
 Dogs admit when they're jealous.
 Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
 Dogs do not play games with you--except fetch
      (and they never laugh at how you throw).
 Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
 You can train a dog.
 Dogs are easy to buy for.
 You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
 The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
    (OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is
     rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill
     the one that gives it to you.)
 Dogs understand what no means.
 Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
 Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon
     you for a younger owner.
 Dogs admit it when they're lost.
 Dogs are color blind.
 Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
 Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Subj:     Dog With Firework (S552c,d-Off Site)
          From: ginafm in 2007 (in Fourth of July)
..........At: www.youtube.com/embed/J6PjQQtE9tM

 You can watch this cute, home movie by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Where Dogs Fall Down

. Men only have two feet that track in mud.
. Men can buy you presents.
. Men don't have to play with every man they see
      when you take them around the block.
. Men are a little bit more subtle.
. Men don't eat turds on the sly.
. Dogs have dog breath all the time.
. Men can do math stuff.
. Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
. It's fun to dry off a wet man.

Subj:     The Faithful Dog
          in 2007 (S551b)
 Source: (Removed lablaughs.com)

 The faithful dog brings his master the daily paper.  You
 can view this cute cartoon by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Basic Rules for Dogs Who Have a Yard to Protect (S416b)
          by Gary Bogue, Columnist, The San Ramon Valley Times
          From: igiggle@aol.com in 2005
 Source: (Removed from kerryblues.org)

 Newspapers: If you have to go pee while playing in the front
 yard, always use the newspaper that's placed on the driveway
 every morning just for that purpose.

 Visitors: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs.
 Charge across the room, barking loudly, and leap playfully on
 this person. If your human falls down on the floor and starts
 crying, lick his/her face and growl gently to show your concern.

 Licking: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish
 immediately before licking your human. Humans always prefer
 clean tongues.

 Barking: Because we are dogs, we are expected to bark. So
 bark - a lot.  Your owners will be very happy to hear you
 protecting their house.  Especially late at night while
 they are sleeping safely in their beds.  There is no more
 secure feeling for humans than to keep waking up in the
 middle of the night and hearing their protective dog barking
 and barking and . . .

 Holes: There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive
 daily to do your part to help correct this problem. Rather
 than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and
 upsetting your humans, dig a lot of small holes all over
 the yard so they won't notice.

 Doors: The area immediately in front of a door is always
 reserved for the family dog to sleep on.  Wag your tail so
 it makes tolerant, thumping sounds on the floor every time
 you are stepped on.

 Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your
 duty as the family dog to accommodate them.

 Dining: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially
 when there are guests, so you can clean up food when it
 starts to accumulate on the floor.  This is also a good
 time to practice your sniffing.

 Housebreaking: This is very important to humans, so break
 as much of the house as possible.

 Walks: When out for a walk with you master or mistress,
 never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.  Always pick
 the nosy neighbor's yard.

 Couches: It is permissible to sleep on the new couch after
 your humans have gone to bed.

 C*ts: When chasing c*ts, never c*tch them. It spoils all the fun.

Subj:     I Do Dog Tricks (S550)
          From: SCOTCOB
..........in 2007 (d-Source on Web)
 Source: www.idodogtricks.com/index_flash.html

 TYPE IN a command and see what happens... sit, roll over,
 down, stand, sing, dance, shake, fetch, play dead etc.
 and  it's also very cute if you type in a command that's
 not recognized!  Make sure you type in "Kiss" too, but
 do it last.  You can see this program by clicking 'HERE'.

 The web site replaced it with Jolly Jong a Dog Mahjong.

Subj:     21 Things I Wish My Dog Would Remember (S229)
          From: gheckman in 2001

  1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

  2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm
     lying under the coffee table.

  3. If I roll my toys behind the fridge or behind the sofa,
     they're  gone.

  4. I can shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE I
     enter the house.

  5. I should not eat the cats' food, either before they eat
     it or after they throw it up.

  6. It is not necessary to find the few remaining pieces
     of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

  7. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

  8. I should not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

  9. If I chew crayons or pens, especially the red ones, my
     people will think I am hemorrhaging.

 10. When in the car, I should not insist on having the
     window rolled down when it's raining outside.

 11. Since we do not have a doorbell, I don't have to bark
     each time I hear one on TV.

 12. I should not steal my mom's underwear and dance all
     over the backyard with it.

 13. The sofa is not a face towel.

 14. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

 15. I should not bite the officer's hand when he reaches
     in for mom's driver's license and car registration.

 16. I should not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear
     when he's on the toilet.

 17. If I eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom
     garbage, my people will think I have worms when they
     see a string hanging out of my butt.

 18. I am not obligated to roll around in the dirt immediately
     after getting a bath.

 19. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an
     acceptable way of saying hello.

 20. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply.

 21. The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him
     and he makes that noise, it's probably not a good thing.

Subj:     Mother Goose And Grimm (S590b)
          By Mike Peters in 2008
 Source: www.grimmy.com/comics.php
Subj:     Life Lessons Learned From A Dog (S125)
          From: RFSlick in 1999

  1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually
     you'll get what you want.
  2. Don't go out without ID.
  3. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility
     (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under
     the bed).
  4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
  5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
  6. Always give people a friendly greeting.

Subj:     If You Can (S114)
          From: RFSlick in 1999

          Moved to 'If You Can...' in Thoughts-Silly

Subj:     Lord Help Me (S451)
          From: Anon Jr. in 2005
 Source: www.northernsun.com/images/thumb/5412LordHelpMeDog.jpg
                           -(o o)-
............................From Smiley_Central