Subj:     Elephant Jokes
                 (Includes 92 jokes, 02 1116,27,cf,wXT2b7a,17)

..........L5 Update

Elephant from
Animated Cliparts
Includes the following:  Tim Conway's Elephant Story - Video (S901)
.........................WildAid - Killing Rhinos - Video (S905)
.........................Elephant and Dog - Bubbles and Bella - Video (S892)
.........................Elephant Surfing - GIF (S983)
.........................Tara And Bella - Videos (S690)
.........................Lion Seul - Video (S624b)
.........................Bird And Elephant Have Sex (S606c)
.........................A Rhino's Dream - GIF (S989)
.........................Elephant Paints Self-Portrait - Video (S677)
.........................Kicking Elephant - Video (S533b)
.........................An Elephant, A Chicken And A Porsche (S04)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (S894)
.........................Pavarotti Loves Elephants - Video (S469b)
.........................Elephant Training (S296b, DU)
.........................Elephant Hotel w/Photo (S447)
.........................Elephant Shit Kills Trainer (S74, DU)
.........................Jessica The Happy Hippo - Video (S686b)
.........................Baby Elephant Loves Cuddling - Video (S888)
.........................Family Goes To The Zoo (S307, S608)
.........................Ripley's Believe It Or Not! (S628c)
.........................The Elephant, The Turtle And The Giraffe (DU)
.........................Goose vs Elephant By Ozzy Man - Video (S1084)
.........................Three Guys Get Elephant Parts (DU)
.........................911 Call About Escaped Elephants - Video (S1116)
.........................Short Elephant Jokes
..............................Hippo Cart In 1924 - Photo (S854)
..............................Young Republican Pool Party - Video (S774)
..............................Judging Others - Web Page w/GIF (S658b)
..............................A Gigantic Travel Experience - Web Page w/Photo (S649)
..............................An Elephant Never Forgets - Web Page w/Story (S551c)
..............................A Frickin' Elephant - Sign (S575b)
..............................Dancing Hippo - Video (S504b)
..............................An Elephant's Medicine (S255b)
..............................Taking Home A Beauty - Web Page w/Photo (S470)
..............................Elephant Paints Toenails Joke - Web Page w/Poto (582b)

Also see BIG CATS file- 'Tiger And Elephant'
         Brain Teaser3- 'How To Build An Elephant'
.........DARWIN AWRDS2- 'Constipated Elephant'
         FAIRYTAILS   - 'Good Witch Glenda In Oz'
         FAT file     - 'You're Fat' - Hippo Photo
         HANDICAPPED  - 'Hippo Eats Dwarf'
         JOB-STUFF    - 'Sales Methods II'
         OTHER-ANIMALS- 'Professional Competency Test'
         OTH-ANIM-SUP2- 'Jungle Juice' - Video
         PENIS1 file  - 'Buddy Hackett - Elephant Trunk Joke' - Video
......................- 'Dick Replaced With Elephant Trunk'
         RABBIT file  - 'Rabbit Running Through Forrest'
         TWISTEDHUMOR2- 'And You Thought Your Job Sucked'

Subj:     Tim Conway's Elephant Story (S901d-iFrame)
          From: Gary Stranger on Facebook
 Source1: www.youtube.com/embed/3qqE_WmagjY
 Source2: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Family_(sketch)
 Tim Conway destroys his castmates during a "Mama's Family"
 sketch on the "Carol Burnett Show" by refusing to let the
 scene continue until he can finish a story about a circus
 elephant.  Click 'HERE' to see this very funny outtake
 scene from the final season in 1978. 

 At the end of the scene, Vicki Lawrence quipped (in character),
 "You sure that little asshole's through?"  At that point
 Burnett, Conway and Van Dyke all fell apart, laughing.

Subj:     WildAid - Killing Rhinos
          From: WildAid
 Source1: www.youtube.com/embed/dk2lqX4PS6o
 Source2: www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152040442111316

 The Duke of Cambridge, David Beckham, and Yao Ming are
 speaking out to protect elephants, rhinos, and sharks for
 future generations in this WildAid message.  The trio met
 in London in September 2013 to film two messages that began
 airing globally, with targeted outreach in China and Vietnam,
 beginning in January 2014 as part of WildAid's demand
 reduction campaign and the Royal Foundation's United for
 Wildlife Collaboration.  Click 'HERE' to watch this
 important message.

Subj:     Elephant and Dog - 
.............Bubbles and Bella Best Friends
          From: Carol Ashe (S892d-On Site)
 Source: www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152203392598630

 This is one of the most adorable animal friendships that
 we've seen in a long time.  Bubbles the African elephant
 and Bella the black Labrador, both residents at the Myrtle
 Beach Safari in South Carolina, have become the best of
 friends, and can often be seen playing in the water together.
 Pictures have been published of them playing fetch in the
 water -- Bubbles throws the ball with her trunk while Bella
 jumps off of Bella's head or back and swims to retrieve the
 ball.  Click 'HERE' for my copy, to watch Bubbles and Bella
 swim together.

Subj:     Elephant Surfing - GIF (S983)
          From: Nancy Tyler Bonesteel in 2015
 Source: www.lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HjuEd8zPPgo/VeIggISn-hI/AAAAAAAA
Subj:     Tara And Bella
          From: brucejohnsonbaugh
..........in 2010 (S690d-iFrame)
 The Elephant Sanctuary outside of Nashville in Tennessee
 was visited by Steve Hartman from CBS News' Assignment
 America in 2008.  Steve revealed the story of Tara and
 Bella, a elephant and a dog, who are best friends.
This first video is the original visit
by Steve that was shown on CBS.
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/vdzassDm7eM
 Click 'HERE' to see this great story.
This is the follow-up story of what happened at the
Elephant Sanctuary after CBS's original visit.
 Source: (Removed by YouTube.com)
 Sorry about that.

Subj:     Lion Seul - Video
          From: LABLaughsClean
..........in 2008 (S624b,d-On Site
 Source: (Removed from free-3gp-video.com)

 In this video an animated hippo sings "In the Jungle."
 You can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Bird And Elephant Have Sex (S606c)

 An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because
 a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing
 she could do about it.  It was far out of reach.

 A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak.

 "Oh, thank you!" said the elephant.

 "My, pleasure ma'am." said the sparrow.

 "Listen, Mr. Sparrow, if there's anything I can ever do for
 you, don't hesitate to ask."

 The sparrow said, "Well, all my life I wondered how it
 would feel to fuck an elephant."

 "Be my guest!", said the elephant.

 So the sparrow flew behind the elephant and started fucking.
 In the trees above, a monkey in the tree saw this and became
 very excited.  He started to masturbate, shaking a coconut
 loose and it fell from the tree, hitting the elephant on
 the head. "OUCH!", said the elephant.

 Then sparrow looked over from behind and said, "Am I
 hurting you, dear?"

Subj:     A Rhino's Dream - GIF (S989)
          From: Higher Perspective in 2015
 Source: www.tumblr.com/search/rhino%20gif
Subj:     Elephant Paints Self-Portrait (S677)
          From: Wimp.com in 2010 (d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/He7Ge7Sogrk

 If I hadn't seen this eight minute video, I wouldn't have
 believed it.  Click 'HERE' to watch an elephant paint a

Subj:     Kicking Elephant 
          From: darrell94590
..........in 2007 (S533b,d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/hGNrNmLzFyg

 In this video, an elephant kicks a ball in every way
 possible.  This is quite cute.  You can view it on
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     An Elephant, A Chicken And A Porsche (S04)

 (Also see 'Chicken And Horse Get Stuck' in HORSE file)

 This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the
 jungle.  All of a sudden he falls into a pit.  The elephant
 is stuck in this pit and realises that he is going to die,
 so naturally he start to scream.  By chance a chicken hears
 the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate.
 He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the
 elephant: "Dont worry, I am going to save you".  The chicken
 then calls on the King of the Jungle.

 The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his *Red Porsche*.
 He throws a rope from the Porche into the pit, the elephant
 ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him
 out of the pit.  The elephant is saved (loud applause).

 So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises
 him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken
 should ever be in mortal danger).

 As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is
 walking thru' the jungle and hears the screaming of a chicken.
 He wanders over and sees that his friend the chicken is stuck
 in a pit.  The elephant shouts "Don't worry chicken I will
 save you".  The elephant throws his tail into the pit.  The
 tail is too short for the chicken cannot reach it.  Undeterred
 by this the elephant throws in his trunk, but, alas this also
 is too small.  A third plan occurs to the elephant.  He sat
 down, and started to think about his favorite girlfriend
 elephant, and promptly got a raging hard-on.  He stuck that
 down into the pit.  The chicken grabbed hold the elephants
 enormous penis, and the elephant pulled him out.

 Moral of the story:
 "If you have a big dick you don't need a red Porsche to pick
 up a chick."

Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S894)
          By Dan Piraro in 2014
 Source: www.bizarro.com/comics/february-25-2014/
Subj:     Pavarotti Loves Elephants (S469b)
          by Joel Veitch (d-On Site SWF)
          From: igiggle in 2006
 Source: www.rathergood.com/elephants/

 This is a short, dumb SWF video unless you lovePavarotti,
 opera, or elephants. You can see it by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Elephant Training (S296b, DU)

 Reggie owned an elephant, but the cost of feeding it was
 getting out of hand.  Then he got an idea.  He had seen
 elephants lift one leg, and even two legs.  Once in the
 circus he'd seen an elephant lift three legs in the air
 and stand on just one.

 Reggie announced to the world that he'd pay ten thousand
 dollars to anyone who could make his elephant stand in the
 air on no legs.  However, each person who wanted to try
 would have to pay a hundred dollars.

 People came from near and far.  They tried everything from
 coaxing to hypnotism, but no one could make the elephant
 rise up in the air.

 One day a blue convertible drove up and a little man got
 out and addressed Reggie: "Is it true that you'll pay me
 ten thousand dollars if I make your elephant get off all
 four legs?"

 "Yes", Reggie said, "but you've got to pay me one hundred
 dollars to try."

 The little man handed Reggie a hundred-dollar bill.  Then
 he went back to the car and took out a metal club.  He
 walked up to the elephant and looked him in the eye.  Then
 he walked behind the elephant and swung hard, hitting the
 elephant smack on the balls.  The elephant let out a roar
 and flew up into the air.

 After the little man had collected his ten thousand dollars,
 Reggie was very depressed.  He'd only taken in eight thousand
 dollars and now he'd not only lost a couple of grand but
 still had the problem of feeding and housing the elephant.

 Suddenly Reggie got another inspiration.  He knew that
 elephants could move their heads up and down, but he had
 never seen one move from side to side.  So he announced
 that he would pay ten thousand dollars to anyone who could
 make his elephant move his head from side to side.  However,
 each person who wanted to try would have to pay one hundred

 People came from near and far.  They paid their hundred and
 they tried, but, of course, none succeeded.

 Then just when things were going well, a familiar blue
 convertible drove up and the little man came out.  He
 addressed Reggie: "Is it true that you'll pay me ten thousand
 dollars if I can make your elephant move his head from side
 to side?"

 "Yes", said Reggie, "but you've got to pay a hundred dollars
 to try."

 The little man handed Reggie the hundred dollars.  Then he
 returned to his car and took out his metal club.  He walked
 up to the elephant.

 "Do you remember me?" he asked.  The elephant nodded by
 shaking his head up and down.

 "Do you want me to do it again?"  The elephant quickly shook
 his head ...  no.

Subj:     Elephant Hotel (S447)
          From: LABLaughsClean
          in 2005

 Source:  (Removed from lablaughs.com)

 Margate City, NJ (close to Atlantic
 City) is home to Lucy the elephant.

 Lucy is the world's largest elephant and the only one to be
 designated a National Historic Landmark. James V. Lafferty
 built Lucy in 1881. She stands 6 stories high and weighs 90
 tons!  She served as a hotel and then a tavern.  Today
 visitors can tour Lucy's innards and visit her gift shop.

Subj:     Elephant Shit Kills Trainer (S74, DU)
          From: mbucher in 1998

 (Also see 'Constipated Elephant' in Darwin Awards2)

     Condolences to friends and family of Friedrich Riesfeldt

 PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt
 fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative
 and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
 plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly -- and suffocated the
 keeper under 200 pounds of poop!

 Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to
 give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved
 beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud.

 "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
 knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head
 on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to
 evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted
 Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.  "With no one there to
 help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
 before a watchman came along, and during that time he
 suffocated.  "It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
 that happen sometimes -a billion-to-one shot, atleast."

 The heartbreaking tale of constipation and tragedy began
 April 23 when the conscientious zookeeper noticed that his
 prize, 8,000-pound African elephant didn't seem to be
 producing his usual poop aplenty.

 "Friedrich had actually been concerned for several days
 because he knew that severe constipation can kill an
 elephant," assistant zookeeper Kurt Herrman recalled.  "He
 told me he was going to stay late that Thursday night to
 treat Stefan with laxatives and possibly give him an enema.
 "I offered to help, but he sent me on home, saying he had
 everything under control."  But two hours later, horrified
 night watchman Walter Pleuger found Friedrich lying
 lifeless under a mound of muck, his body visible only from
 the knees down.

 "I had never really thought about it before," Det. Dern
 said.  "But obviously, giving an elephant an enema can be
 a very dangerous activity -- and not something that should
 be attempted alone."

Subj:     Jessica The Happy Hippo (S686b)
          From: lubin100 in 2010 (d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/8RB1T10JgDc

 This video about Jessica, the happy hippo, is very cute.
 Click 'HERE' to see it.

Subj:     Baby Elephant Loves Cuddling
          Posted by Vivian H
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/ZvVpUGQdJWo

 Arthur and I traveled to Chiang Mai, Thailand, in December
 2012 and visited the Patara Elephant Farm.  At the end of
 our day there, we had the unique opportunity to play with
 a two month old female calf named Tara.  Click 'HERE' to
 see this very joyful video.

Subj:     Family Goes To The Zoo (S307, S608)
          From: LABLaughs.com in 2002

 Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day.  So
 they set off and are seeing lots of animals.  Eventually
 they end up opposite the elephant house.

 The boy looks at the elephant, sees its penis, points to it
 and says, "Mummy, what is that long thing?"

 His mother replies, "That son, is the elephant's trunk."

 "No, at the other end."

 "That son, is the tail."

 "No, mummy, the thing under the elephant."

 A short embarrassed silenced after which she replies, "That's
 nothing."  The mother goes to buy some ice cream and the boy,
 not being satisfied with her answer asks his father the same
 question.  "Daddy, what is that long thing?"

 "That's the trunk, son" replies the father.

 "No, at the other end."

 "Oh, that is the tail."

 "No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation.

 "That is the elephant's penis.  Why do you ask son?"

 "Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy.

 The father draws himself up to his full height and replies,
 "I tell you, I spoil that woman..."


     by John Graziano in 2009 (S628c)
 Source: www.gocomics.com/ripleysbelieveitornot/2009/01/02
Subj:     The Elephant, The Turtle And The Giraffe (DU)

 There was an elephant by a watering hole having a drink
 when he saw a turtle out of the corner of his eye.  On
 seeing the turtle, he ran down to the water's edge, jumped
 up into the air, and landed on the turtle causing a
 horrible mess.  There was a giraffe nearby and he happened
 to notice what had occurred so he asked the elephant why
 he had done it.  The elephant replied that the turtle he
 had just squashed had bitten him on the trunk 50 years
 earlier.  On hearing this, he told the elephant that he
 had an incredible memory.  The elephant replied, "Yes,
 turtle recall!!!"

Subj:     Goose vs Elephant By Ozzy Man
          Made by Ozzy Man Reviews
          From: Jeffrey Brown 
..........in 2017 (S1084d-On Site)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/RyWG5XU7nls
 Click 'HERE' to see Ozzy Man take a simple video
 and make it into an exciting adventure.
Subj:     Three Guys Get Elephant Parts (DU)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #220 in 1997

 (See 'Dick Replaced With Elephant Trunk' in PENIS1)

 Three men were on safari in Africa one day, when a horrible
 thing happened.  An elephant came running out of the bushes
 and trampled the three men, but not before they managed to
 kill it.

 A plastic surgeon was passing by in a helicopter and
 happened to see the carnage.  He thought that maybe he
 could do something, and landed near the men.

 The first guy was in pretty bad shape.  He was missing a
 piece of bone in his forehead.  So the surgeon chopped off
 part of the elephant's tusk, put it in the guy's head, and
 sewed him up.

 The second guy was a little worse.  His skin was ripped up
 and torn off, especially around his neck and face.  So the
 surgeon sliced some skin off of the elephant and sewed it
 on his second patient.

 The third guy was the worse.  The elephant had, while
 trampling him,ripped off his dick.  So the surgeon cut off
 the end of the elephant's trunk and sewed it on the guy as
 a replacement.

 The surgeon ran into his helicopter and took off, hoping
 his patients wouldn't try to sue him.

 Three years later, the plastic surgeon walked into a bar
 and saw the three guys, looking pretty good. He decided to
 approach them and ask how they were doing.

 He said, "Hey, aren't you the three guy who got trampled
 by that elephant?  How are you doing these days?"

 The first guy responded, "Man, I'm great.  I feel wonderful,
 and you wouldn't believe how much my memory has improved. I
 mean, I can look at a page and recite it word for word back
 to ya."

 The surgeon nodded and looked happy that at least one
 person wouuldn't sue him.  He turned to the second guy and
 said, "You okay?  I heard your skin got ripped up pretty

 "Yeah," said the guy, " but it's better than new now.  My
 skin's so tough you could punch me and I would barely feel
 it.  Yeah, I'm a prizefighter now.  I'm goin for the heavy-
 weight championship."

 That's two who won't sue, thought the surgeon.  He asked
 the third guy how he was doing.

 "I'm doin real good,man," the third man replied.  "Got a
 great sex life, but there's just this one problem..."

 The surgeon got nervous at this point and hoped that it
 wasn't a bad problem.  "What seems to be the problem?" he

 "Well," said the guy, "whenever they start passing out
 peanuts at parties, I always get thrown out."

Subj:     911 Call About Escaped Elephants
          From: Jenny Whitsed
..........in 2018 (S1116d-On Site)
 Source: www.youtube.com/amQdBifrWD8

 Click 'HERE' to see this hilarious 911 Call
 about escaped elephants in Canada.

Subj:     Short Elephant Jokes

Subj:     Hippo Cart In 1924 (S854)
          From: tom in 2013

Hippo cart in 1924. The hippo belonged to a circus
and apparently enjoyed pulling the cart as a trick.

Subj:     Young Republican Pool Party 
          From: allenbergman in 2011
..........(S774d-iFrame)in Polit-Supp2)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/fOoudtiA1pw
 Click 'HERE' if you would like to see what a young Republican
 pool party looks like.

Subj:     Judging Others (S658b in Camel)
          From: rfslick in 2009
 Click 'HERE' to read this cute, off-color joke.

Subj:     A Gigantic Travel Experience
          From: tom in 2009 (S649)
 This wasn't in the brochure!  Click 'HERE' to see this interesting picture.

Subj:     An Elephant Never Forgets
          From: ginafm in 2007 (S551c)
Drawing from Starving-Artists.net
 You can read this cute story by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     A Frickin' Elephant (S575b, S1050)
          From: RDOBRY in 2008
 Source: www.onsizzle.com/i/a-frickin-elephant-
Subj:     Dancing Hippo (S504b)
          From: catlynnbray
..........in 2006 (d-On Site SWF)
 Source: (Removed from mrcomputerservices.com)
 This SWF video clip is cute, but strange.  You can see it
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     An Elephant's Medicine (S255b)
          From: CatScratch in 2001
 The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has
 a chronic illness, requiring  medication.  The zoo people
 couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so a California
 pharmacologist developed a suppository.  The 10-inch-long,
 four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good
 folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame.

 Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers,
 including one person to distract Calle with treats and one
 person who wears a full-arm glove.

 Why am I telling you this????

 Just think - FIVE people have jobs worse than yours!  Now
 stop bitching and get back to work.

Subj:     Taking Home A Beauty (S470)
          From: LABLaughsAdult in 2006
..........Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 Some times a picture is worth a thousand words.  You can view
 by clicking 'HERE'.

From: AFine963 in 2008 (S582b)
 Do you know why elephants paint
    their toenails red?
 No, why?
 So that no one will see them sitting in the cherry trees.
 But I've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree!
 Click 'HERE' to view an elephant in a tree.


 If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind
    the elephants.  -- Zisl

 They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..
   -- General Sedgwick's last words

 Girl goes to a party, drinks too much and next day wakes
 up in bed next to an elephant:
 Girl:     Christ, I must have been tight last night
 Elephant: Only the first time.

 An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.  The next
 morning, the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.  "Damn,"
 says the ant, "One night of passion and I spend the rest of
 my life digging a grave!"

 Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants.
 It's done on a very high level.
 There's a lot of stomping and screaming involved.
 And it takes two years to get any results.

 The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during
 World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

 Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants.
 It's done on a very high level.  There's a lot of stomping,
 and screaming involved. And it takes two years to get any

 It says in a book that more than 6000 elephants go each
 year to make piano keys!  Isn't it amazing what elephants
 can be trained to do!?

 An Elephant;  A Mouse built to government specifications.
 An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.

 Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can.

 Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used
 to clean elephants.

From: igiggle in 2005 (S415b)
 Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale.

 Q: What's gray and come's in quarts?
 A: Elephants.

 Q: How do you know if you pass an elephant?
 A: You can't get the toilet seat down.

 Q: What has 2 gray legs and 2 brown legs?
 A: An elephant with diarrhea.

 Q: Did you hear about the elephant with diareah?
 A: Its all over town.

 Q: How do you escape from the inside of an elephant?
 A: Run around until you get pooped out!

 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a hooker?
 A: A Six-Ton pickup.

 Q: What does an elephant use as a tampon?
 A: A sheep.

 Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
 A: Sheep don't come with a string.

 Q: Where is an elephant's sex organ?
 A: In its foot.  If it steps on you, you're fucked.

 Q: What is grey, airborne, and very dangerous?
 A: A flying elephant with a machine-gun.

 Q: Why do ducks have web feet?
 A: Stamping out forest fires.

 Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
 A: Stamping out flaming ducks.

 Q: How do you catch an elephant?
 A: Dig a big hole, fill it with ashs, line it with peanuts,
    and when the elephant bends down to pick up a peanut
    run up and kick it in the ash-hole.

 Q: What do you do when 200 elephants are coming at you
    from over a hill?
 A: Swim for your life!.

 Q: What's the black stuff between an elephant's toes?
 A: Slow natives.

 Q: What do elephants and ice cream have in common?
 A: They both come in quarts.

 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hooker?
 A: A girl that will do you for peanuts and never forget you.

 Q: How can you tell if elephants have been mating
    in your backyard?
 A: All your trashcan liners are missing.

 Q: What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
 A: Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

 Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
 A: How do you BREATHE through that thing?!?br>
 A: Yeah, but let's see you pick up a peanut with it.

 Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
 A: You don't, you get down from a duck.

 Q: How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
 A: He paints his nuts red and sits in a cherry tree.

 Q: What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
 A: Giraffe eating cherries.

 Q: What's the biggest drawback of the jungle?
 A: An elephant's foreskin.

 Q: Heard of the wallet made of elephant foreskin?
 A: When you rub it, it turns into a briefcase.

 Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
 A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

 Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
 A: Where else would they pack their luggage?

 Q: How do you know when an elephant has been screwing
    in your yard?
 A: The flower beds are crushed and you are missing
    a garbage bag!

 Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
 A: To try to forget.

 Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
 A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

 Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
 A: No, not with a red elephant gun.  You strangle him
    until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue
    elephant gun.

 Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
 A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him
    until he turns blue, and  then shoot him with a blue
    elephant gun.

 Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
 A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

 Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant
    in a VW bug?
 A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.

 Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
 A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate
    ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas...

 Q: How do you housebreak an elephant?
 A: You get about 900 copies of the New York Times,
    Sunday edition.

 Q: How can you tell if an elephant is getting ready to charge?
 A: He pull out his Diners' Club card.

 Q: How do you know when an elephant has its period?
 A: There is a quarter on your dresser and your mattress
    is missing.

 Q: What did the female elephant say during sex?
 A: "Can I be on top this time?"

 Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant
    when she's lying down in tall grass?
 A: Very attractive.

 Q: How do you make an elephant fly?
 A: Start with a 3 foot zipper.

 Q: What do you do when an elefant comes through the window?
 A: Swim for it...

 Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps
    with elephants?
 A: None of the offspring survived.

 Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.

 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rat?
 A: A dead rat with an 18 inch asshole!

From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 in 1998
 Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
 A: Lots of Room

From: humorlist-digest V2 #195 in 1998
 Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
 A: A pachydermatologist

                           -(o o)-
........................From Millan Net Gif Animations