(Includes 131 jokes and articles)
Jumping From from
Animation Factory
| Subj:
Frog Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 131 jokes and articles) |
|
Jumping From from Animation Factory |
Also see FAIRYTAILS - 'Good
Witch Glenda In Oz'
GENIE file - 'Frog
Grants One Wish'
......................-
'Three
Wishes From A Frog Genie'
......................-
'Three
Wishes From A Frog Genie II'
......................-
'Three
Wishes From A Genie III'
.........MATH4-SUPP
- 'MATH
PROB. - Frog In A Well'
PENIS file - '50
Inch Long Penis'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Crazy Frog Movie (S530b)
From: Chewy Central on 3/18/2007 |
 |
You can view this 8,200 KB, stupid,
computer generated movie
at the source, or on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Frogs
Of Keefo Swamp (S486)
From: hellgunner50 on 5/18/2006
Jim Finn, the noted biologist,
was stumped. He'd spent
months studying the little green
frogs in the Keefo swamp.
The population, despite all
efforts at predator control, was
declining at an alarming rate.
Finally, Finn went to the chemistry
department at his college
to see if anyone there might
be able to help. Tom Trom
looked into the problem and
came up with a solution. The
little frogs had succumbed to
a chemical change in the swamp's
water and simply couldn't stay
coupled long enough to reproduce.
Trom brewed up a new adhesive,
made from a dash of this, a
spoonful of that and, most critically,
one part sodium.
"You mean?" Jim said when told.
"Yes," said Tom, "they needed mono-sodium glue to mate."
\\\//
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Subj: Lonely
Widow Buys Ugly Toad (S137, S408)
From: PGSP4LIFE on 9/2/99
and
From: hellgunner50 on 11/11/2004
A widow was feeling rather lonely
and decided that the best
thing for her would be to have
a companion. So, off she went
to the pet shop. She wasn't
sure just what kind of pet she'd
like, so she figured she'd just
walk around until she found
just the 'right one.'
She went past the adorable little
puppies, past the playful kittens,
past the preening birds,
past the sleeping hamsters,
past the whirling gerbils, and
past the colorful fish.
Nothing really appealed to her
and seemed to be just what
she was looking for. She
decided to go around the store
again. On the way over
to the puppies, she walked by a
barrel. At the bottom
of the barrel was a rather nasty
looking toad. When she
looked in, he WINKED at her! Our
poor widow just shook herself!
She couldn't believe it.
She rather quickly went back
to the other pets on display.
Once again, she checked out those
sweet little puppies, the
darling kittens, the fluttering
birds, the fuzzy hamsters,
the sleek gerbils, and the darting
fish. Nothing really,
really did it for her.
She was starting to get discouraged.
So, she figured one last time
around, just in case she
missed something.
Going by the barrel again, she
took another peek. There
was that nasty toad, and this
time, he puckered up and
threw her a kiss!! This
was almost too much for the poor
widow and she just about ran
over to the other pets.
She tried hard to find just the
right one to take home with
her, but not one of those cute
puppies or silky kittens or
chirping birds or golden hamsters
or skinny gerbils or fancy
fish seemed right for her.
Totally discouraged by now, the
widow decide to go home.
On the way out of the shop, she
had to walk past the barrel
again. As she furtively
peeked in, the toad just gave her
the most beseeching look, and
he had a little tear on the
corner of his eye. He
even sniffed a bit. This was too
much for our widow, she started
heading for the exit in a
hurry.
All of a sudden it struck her
that this poor toad was
probably just as lonely as she
was. Not only that, but he
was so ugly that no one would
probably buy him, especially
not with all the other nice
pets available. So up to the
counter she marched, told the
salesperson she'd take the
toad, but requested that he
be put in a sturdy box. When
she got to her car, she placed
the box on the seat next to
her and proceeded to drive home.
As she was driving along, she
heard some scratching coming
from the box. She tried
to ignore it for a bit, but then
thought that the toad might
need some air, so she opened
the box a bit. She would
glance over at the toad from time
to time, and he kept winking
at her and throwing her kisses.
She finally thought, "Oh heck,
what could it hurt?" and she
leaned over and KISSED him!
IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into
an absolutely gorgeous
sexy young handsome prince.
THE PRINCE THEN KISSED THE OLD
LADY BACK..........AND GUESS
WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?
COME ON GUESS?
OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON
SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST MOTEL SHE COULD FIND.
She's old.......NOT DEAD!!!!!
\\\//
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Subj: Frog
Phones Psychic Hotline (S136)
From: FrankRoesc on 3/21/99
A lonely frog telephoned the
Psychic Hotline and asked what
his future holds.
His Personal Psychic Advisor
tells him: "You are going to
meet a beautiful young girl
who will want to know everything
about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great!
"Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.
"No," said the psychic, "Next term--in her biology class."
\\\//
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Subj: Frog
Wants Bank Load (S21, S551)
From: FrankRoesc on 98-12-30
and
From: redcatt on 8/11/2007
A frog goes into a bank and hops
up on the desk of the loan
officer. "Hi," he croaks.
"What's your name?" The loan
officer says, "My name is Paddy
Wack. May I help you?"
"Yeah," says the frog.
"I'd like to borrow some money." The
loan officer finds this a little
odd, but gets out a form.
"Okay, what's your name?"
The frog replies, "Kermit Jagger."
"Really?" says the loan officer.
"Any relation to Mick
Jagger?" "Yeah, he's my
dad."
"Hmm," says the loan officer.
"Do you have any collateral?"
The frog hands over a pink ceramic
elephant and asks, "Will
this do?" The loan officer
says, "Um, I'm not sure. Let me
go check with the bank manager."
"Oh, tell him I said hi,"
adds the frog. "He knows
me."
The loan officer goes back to
the manager and says, "Excuse
me, sir, but there's a frog
out there named Kermit Jagger
who wants to borrow some money.
All he has for collateral
is this pink elephant thing;
I'm not even sure what it is
other than a knickknack."
The manager says, "gee that's
from the 17th century, it's
worth tons of money".
He walks over to Patty and says "Thats
no knick-knake Patty Whac give
the frog a loan. His old
man's a Rolling Stone."
(You're singing it, aren't ya?) Are we still friends?
\\\//
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Subj: Talking
Frog Was Once A Prince (S167, S343b)
From: RFSlick on 4/11/00
and
From: DoctorDebt on 8/28/2003
Fairy Tale for the woman of the 21st Century.
Once upon a time, in a land far
away, a beautiful, indepen-
dent, self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted
pond in a verdant meadow near
her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess's
lap and said: Elegant
Lady, I was once a handsome
prince, until an evil witch cast
a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and
I will turn back into the
dapper, young prince that I
am and then, my sweet, we can
marry and setup housekeeping
in yon castle with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my
children, and forever feel grateful
and happy doing so.
That night, as the princess dined
sumptuously on a repast
of lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine and
onion cream sauce, she chuckled
to herself and thought:
"I don't fucking think so."
\\\//
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Subj: Boy
Goes To Whore House With Dead Frog
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
One day a twelve year old walks
into a whorehouse dragging
a dead frog on a string behind
him, slaps a hundred dollar
bill on the counter and says,
"I want one of your women."
The madam looks at him and says,
"Don't you think you're a
bit young for that?"
He slaps another hundred on the
counter and says, "I want
one of your women."
The madam says, "Okay, have a
seat, she'll be down in about
twenty minutes."
He slaps another hundred on the
counter and says, "She has
to have active herpes."
The madam starts to sputter and
ask why, but he slaps another
hundred on the counter and says,
"Active herpes."
She responds, "Okay, have a seat.
It'll be about ten minutes."
Ten minutes later, a woman comes
out, they go upstairs
(dragging this dead frog) and
do their deal.
As he's leaving, the madam asks
him, "Okay, why did you want
someone with active herpes?"
The kid replies, "When I get
home, I'm going to fuck the
babysitter, and when mom and
dad get home, dad will take the
babysitter home and fuck her
on the way. When he gets back,
he and mom are going to go upstairs
and fuck. Tomorrow
morning after dad goes to work,
the milkman will come in and
mom will fuck him, and he's
the bastard that ran over my frog!"
\\\//
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Subj: Frog
Sex (S177, S549)
From: feigelmn on 6/23/00
and
From: darrellvip on 7/26/2007
A man goes to the doctor and
tells him that he and his wife
are not having their fair share
of sex. It seems his wife
is not that keen on anything,
but even more so with oral sex.
"Try this," say the Doc., "It's
an African Fellatio Frog. It
gives the best head you will
ever have had. Pop into the
cubicle and give it a go."
Ten minutes later the man comes
out with a smile from ear to
ear. "I'll take it," he
says, and hands over $350.
When he gets home his wife turns
to him and says: "Well, did
the doctor sort the problem
out?"
"Yes," said the man, showing
his wife the frog. "He gave me
this."
"And just what am I supposed to do with that?" She whined.
"Teach it to cook, and then PISS OFF!"
\\\//
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Subj: Pet
Store Sells 'Oral Sex Frogs' (S229, S526)
From: pns on 6/4/2001
and
From: darrell94590 on 2/14/2007
(Also see 'Smart Dog' in Dog2)
A beautiful, well endowed, young
blonde, goes to her local
pet store in search of an exotic
pet. As she looks about
the store, she notices a box
full of frogs. The sign says:
"Oral Sex Frogs! Only $20 each!
Money Back Guarantee!
(Comes with complete instructions.)"
The girl excitedly looks around
to see if anybody's watching
her and whispers softly to the
man behind the counter, "I'll
take one." The man packaged
the frog and said, "Just follow
the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box,
and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door
to her apartment, the girl
takes out the instructions and
reads them thoroughly, doing
exactly what it says to do...
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling
perfume.
3. Slip into on a very sexy
teddy.
4. Crawl into bed, spread your
legs and put the frog down
"there."
She then quickly gets into bed,
puts the frog between her
legs and, to her surprise, nothing
happens! The girl is
totally frustrated and quite
upset at this point.
She rereads the instructions
and notices at the bottom of
the paper it says, "If you have
any problems or questions,
please call the pet store."
So, the girl calls the pet
store.
The man says, "I had some complaints
earlier today. I'll
be right over." Within
five minutes, the man is ringing
her doorbell. The girl
welcomes him in and says, "See,
I've done everything according
to the instructions and the
damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned,
picks up the frog, stares
directly into its eyes and sternly
says: "Listen to me!
I'm only going to show you how
to do this one more time!"
\\\//
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Subj: Golfer
And Talking Frog (S113, S334)
From: CWE731976 on 3/25/99
and
From: RFSlick on 6/10/2003
A man takes the day off of work
and decides to go out
golfing. He is on the
second hole when he notices a
frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of
it and is about to shoot when
he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron"
The man looks round and doesn't
see anyone so he tries
again. "Ribbit. 9 Iron."
| He looks at the
frog and decides to
prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits a birdie. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog eh?" |
 |
The man decided to take the frog
with him to the next hole.
"What do you think frog?", the
man asks.
"Ribbit 3 wood." was the reply.
The guy takes out a 3 wood and
Boom! Hole in one. The man
is befuddled and doesn't know
what to say. By the end of
the day, the man golfed the
best game of golf in his life
and asks the frog, "Ok where
to next?"
 |
The frog reply,
"Ribbit Las Vegas".
They go to Las Vegas and the
guy
The frog says , "Ribbit Roulette". |
The frog reply, "Ribbit $3000 black 6."
Now, this is a million to one
shot that this would win but
after the golf game, the man
figures what the heck. Boom!
Tons of cash comes sliding back
across the table.
The man takes his winnings and
buys the best room in the
hotel. He sits the frog
down and says, "Frog, I don't
know how to repay you.
You won me all this money and I
am forever grateful."
| The frog replies,
"Ribbit, Kiss Me".
He figures why not, since after
all the frog did
|
 |
 |
"And that, your
honor, is how
the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton." |
\\\//
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Subj: Talking
Frog And The Programmer (S158, S574c)
From: mbucher on 02/11/2000
and
From: janeenmarie on 1/15/2008
A programmer was crossing a road
one day when a frog called
out to him and said, "If you
kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog
and put it in his pocket. The
frog spoke up again and said,
"If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I
will stay with you for one week."
The programmer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it
and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If
you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with
you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the programmer took the
frog out, smiled at it and put
it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What
is the matter? I've told you
I'm a beautiful princess that
I'll stay with you for a week
and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"
The programmer said, "Look I'm
a programmer. I don't have time
for a girlfriend, but a talking
frog, now that's cool."
\\\//
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Subj: Talking
Frog And The Old Man (S473)
From: thebartend on 2/3/2006
My 75-year old Dad was taking
his daily walk through the
park when he heard a tiny voice
calling to him. "Hey,
mister! Pssst, mister!"
Dad looked all around, and spotted
a little frog sitting in
the grass looking up at him.
"Hey mister," said the frog.
"A wicked witch cast a spell
on me, and turned me into an
ugly frog. If you'll just
kiss me, I'll turn back into a
beautiful princess and be forever
grateful."
Dad reached down, picked up the
frog, put it in his pocket,
and proceeded to walk on.
The frog called out to him, "Hey!
Didn't you hear me?
"I said if you'll kiss me, I'll
turn into a beautiful princess
and be forever grateful."
Dad said, "I heard you, but at
my age, I'd rather have a
talking frog."
\\\//
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Subj: Talking
Frog Was Once A Chemist
Two women were walking down a
street in Adelaide, and the
meet this frog. The frog
says, "Hey, stop." They stop.
The frog says, "an evil fairy
put a spell on me and turned
me into this frog. If
you kiss me, I will turn back into
an organic chemist." One
of the women picked up the frog
and put it in her purse and
starts to walk off.
The other woman says "Aren't
you going to kiss it, and turn
it back into an organic chemist?"
The first woman says
"Are you kidding? These
days, talking frogs are worth a
lot more than organic chemists."
\\\//
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Subj: Man
Goes To Restraunt w/Hamster And Frog (S24, S412b)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-22
and
From: Anonymous Junior on 12/19/04
A mangy looking guy who goes
into a restaurant and orders
food. The waiter says,
"No way. I don't think you can pay
for it." The guy says,
"You're right. I don't have any
money, but if I show you something
you haven't seen before,
will you give me the food?"
"Deal!"
The guy reaches into his coat
pocket and pulls out a
hamster. He puts the hamster
on the counter and it runs to
the end, across the room, up
the piano, jumps on the
keyboard, and starts playing
Gershwin songs. And the hamster
is really good.
The waiter says, "You're right.
I've never seen anything
like that before. That
hamster is truly good on the piano."
The guy downs the hamburger
he ordered and asks the waiter
for another. "Money or
another miracle," says the waiter.
The guy reaches into his coat
again and pulls out a frog.
He puts the frog on the counter,
and the frog starts to
sing. He has a marvelous
voice and great pitch. A fine
singer.
A stranger from the other end
of the counter runs over to the
guy and offers him $300 for
the frog. The guy says, "It's a
deal." He takes the three
hundred and gives the stranger the
frog. The stranger runs
out of the restaurant.
The waiter says to the guy, "Are
you crazy? You sold a
singing frog for $300?
It must have been worth millions."
"Not so", says the guy, "the
hamster is also a ventriloquist."
\\\//
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Subj: Freak
Accident After Frog Fishing (S416)
From: JOELFALLON on 1/13/2005
The following article was taken
from the Arkansas Democrat
Gazette, July 25, 1996:
Two Local Men Injured in Freak Truck Accident Cotton Patch, Ark.
Two local men were seriously
injured when their pick-up truck
left the road and struck a tree
near Cotton Patch on State
Highway 38 early Monday morning.
Woodruff County deputy Dovey
Snyder reported the accident
shortly after midnight Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc
and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of
Little Rock are listed in serious
condition at Baptist Medical
Center.
The accident occurred as the
two men were returning to Des Arc
after a frog gigging trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's
pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned.
The two men concluded
that the headlight fuse on the
older model truck had burned out.
As a replacement fuse was not
available, Wallis noticed that the
.22 caliber bullet from his
pistol fit perfectly into the fuse
box next to the steering wheel
column. Upon inserting the bullet,
the headlights again began to
operate properly and the two men
proceeded on east-bound toward
the White River bridge.
After traveling approximately
twenty miles and just before
crossing the river, the bullet
apparently overheated, discharged
and struck Poole in the right
testicle. The vehicle swerved
sharply to the right exiting
the pavement and striking a tree.
Poole suffered only minor cuts
and abrasions from the accident,
but will require surgury to
repair the other wound. Wallis
sustained a broken clavicle
and was treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that
bridge when Thurston shot his
nuts off or we might both be
dead" stated Wallis. "I've
been a trooper for ten years
in this part of the world, but
this is a first for me.
I can't believe that those two would
admit how this accident happened",
said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck,
Lavinia, Poole's wife asked
how many frogs the boys had
caught and did anyone get them
from the truck.
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Frog Jokes
 |
Subj:
Photo Of Five Frogs (S577c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/9/2008 |
| Subj:
Scientists Discover Purple Frog (S542c)
From: AOL.com on 6/5/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Kermit Gets An X-Ray (S406)
From: DafterLafter on 10/29/2004 |
| Subj:
Cute Frog Picture (S497b)
From: darrell94590 on 8/2/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Frog Warts - Sketch (S487c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/11/2006 |
| Subj:
The Answer To The Frog Question (S452)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/9/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: Toad
Love Poem (S404)
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/14/2004
A tree toad loved a she-toad
Who lived up in a tree.
He was a two-toed tree toad
But a three-toed toad was she.
The two-toed tree toad tried
to win
The three-toed she-toad's heart,
For the two-toed tree toad loved
the ground
That the three-toed tree toad
trod.
But the two-toed tree toad tried
in vain.
He couldn't please her whim.
From her tree toad bower
With her three-toed power
The she-toad vetoed him.
Top
Subj: What
Does A Frog Say? (S123 ? S367b)
From: RFSlick on 6/3/99
and
From: LABLaughs on 2/7/2004
A mother was reading a book
about animals to her 3 year
old daughter:
Mother: "What does the
cow say?"
Child: "Moooo!"
Mother: "Great!
What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so
smart! What does the frog say?"
The wide-eyed little three-year-old
looked up at her mother
and replied, "Bud."
Top
Subj: Eagle
Swallows Frog
From: ipkis on 97-07-24
An eagle swoops down on this
pond, and swallows an
unsuspecting frog whole...
Later on the frog pokes his
head out of the eagles ass and
says wow, we're pretty
high are'nt we.
And the eagle says: Yeah we're
at about 5,000 feet.
And the frog says: You
wouldn't shit me would you????
Certain frogs can be frozen solid
then thawed, and continue
living.
From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
It was discovered on a space
mission that a frog can throw
up. The frog throws up
its stomach first, so the stomach
is dangling out of its mouth.
Then the frog uses its forearms
to dig out all of the
stomach's contents and then
swallows the stomach back down
again.
"Time's fun when you're having
flies."
-- Kermit the Frog
(in Quotes1)
Q: Who said, "Time's fun when
you're having flies"? (S02)
A: Answer backwards - Gorf Eht
Timrek
Q: What's green and smells like
pork?
A: Kermit the Frog's finger.
Q: What do you call it when a
frog takes a shower?
A: Spring cleaning!
Q: What did one lesbian frog
say to the other?
A: Well I'll be damned....we
DO taste like chicken!
Q: What's the best way to eat
a frog?
A: Hook one leg over each ear.
\\\//
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 |
Hopping frog from
Smiley_Central |