>>> Subj:     Pig Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 17 jokes and articles)

Pigs On A Wing from Animation Factory

Also see COWBOY file  - 'Cowboy And Barnyard Pig'
         FAIRY TALES  - 'Telling Fairy Tales To Your Kids'
         FARMER1 file - 'Pig Fucking'
......................- 'Farmer Tries To Insemenate Pigs'
         FARMER2 file - 'Farmer Not Raising Hogs'
         JUDGE file   - 'Man Sued For 'Pig' Statement'
         MARRIAGE6    - 'Marriage Vs Free Milk'
         MEXICAN file - 'Two American Pigs And A Mexican'
         MUSIC file   - 'Britney Spears Scares Wild Boars'
         OTHER_ANIMALS- 'Animals Rescue People'
         PSYCH-SUPP   - 'Draw-A-Pig Personality Test'
         POLITICAL-SUP- 'How To Catch Wild Pigs'
         POLIT-CLINTON- 'Clinton's Driver Runs Over A Pig'
......................- 'Bill Brings Back Two Pigs'
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Subj:     Going To Jail Over Pig Toys (S313b)
          From: jerry on 1/29/2003

 Beginning in April, any pig farmer in Europe found to have
 bored pigs will face three months in prison and a $1,500
 fine.  By law, farmers must put toys inside every sty and
 change the toys when the pigs become bored with any of them.
 The animals are entitled to balls, squeaky dolls and other
 playthings.

 One farmer has already given his 1,200 pigs a plastic plane
 and a furry teddy bear.

 Says one farmer, "The day of the toy inspector has arrived
 and it is not a TV spoof.  It is the dictators of Europe
 who have thought this up."

 The purpose of the rule is to stop pigs from wanting to
 bite each other, presumably because they have nothing
 better to do.

 UK Sun 28-Jan-03
 http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2003041504,00.html

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Subj:     City Slicker Buys A Pig (S285)
          From: thebartend on 7/19/2002

 A city slicker decided to buy himself a pig, so he drove to
 the country until he saw a sign that said "PIGS FOR SALE".

 Turning into the driveway, he spotted the farmer, told him
 what he wanted, and they agreed on a price. They went to
 the barn where the farmer picked up a pig by the tail with
 his teeth. "Yup, that there swine weighs 74 pounds."

 Noting the man's bewilderment, the farmer explained that
 it was a family trait, passed on through generations, to
 be able to precisely weigh pigs in that manner.  The city
 slicker, however, insisted on a second opinion.  So the
 farmer called his son over and the boy came up with the
 same result.

 The man was ready to buy the pig on the spot, but the
 farmer said to go on up to the house and pay his wife.
 The man could then bring the receipt back to the farmer
 and take the pig.

 After a long wait, the city slicker finally returned, but
 without a receipt. "What's the problem, son?" asked the
 farmer.

 "I went up there like you said," said the man, "And your
 wife was too busy."

 "Busy doing what?"

 "Well, don't quote me on this," he warned, "But I think
 she was weighing the milkman."

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Subj:     Pig Goes Into A Bar (S359b)
          From: humorsearch.com on 4/6/99

 One day a pig walks into a bar and says to the bar tender
 "give me a beer".  So the bar tender does, the pig drinks
 it, and then he goes to the washroom, and goes home.

 Next day a pig walks into the bar and says to the bar tender
 "give me a beer".  So the bar tender does, the pig drinks it,
 and then he goes to the washroom and goes home.

 Third day in a row a pig walks into the bar and tells the
 bar tender to "give him a beer".  So the bar tender does,
 the pig drinks it, and then goes to the washroom, and goes
 home.

 Fourth day in a row a pig walks into the bar and tells the
 bar tender "give me a beer".  So the bar tender gives him a
 beer, the pig drinks it, goes to the washroom, and goes home.

 Fifth day in a row, a pig walks into the bar and tells the
 bar tender "give me a beer".  So by now the bar tender is
 pretty used to these pigs coming to the bar, so he gives him
 a drink.  The pig drinks it, and get's ready to go home.
 The bar tender is puzzled why it isn't using the washroom so
 he says "Aren't you going to use the washroom before you go
 home?"

 The pig looks at him and says..."nah, the fifth little pig
 goes wee wee wee all the way home."

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Subj:     Personality Test (S70)
          From: RFSlick on 98-05-30

 YOU MUST NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU DRAW YOUR PICTURE.

 On a blank piece of paper draw a pig.  Then scroll down and
 read the interpretation of your pig!!  Draw your pig first!
 And don't look at the next part until you are done!

 It won't be fun if you look first!!!
 
 
 
 

 ***** > > > YOU'RE NOT CHEATING, ARE YOU ?????
 
 
 

 IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN, JUST DRAW THE PIG!!! ? ? ? *********
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 The pig serves as a useful test of the personality traits
 of the drawer.

 YOUR PERSONALITY TRAITS
 **************************************************

 If the pig is drawn:
 
 

 WHERE ON THE PAPER
 -------------------
 Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.
 Toward the middle, you are a realist.
 Toward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency
 to behave negatively.

 DIRECTION
 -------------------
 Facing left, you believe in tradition, are friendly, and
 remember dates  (birthdays, etc.)

 Facing right, you are innovative and active, but don't have
 a strong sense of family, nor do you remember dates.

 Facing front (looking at you), you are direct, enjoy playing
 devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.

 DETAILS
 --------
 With many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful.

 With few details, you are emotional and naive, you care
 little for details and are a risk-taker.

 LEGS
 -----
 With less than 4 legs showing, you may be living
 through a period of major change.

 With 4 legs showing, you are secure, stubborn, and
 stick to your ideals.

 EARS
 ----
 The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are.
 The bigger the better.

 TAIL
 ----
 The length of the tail indicates the quality of your
 sex life!!!!  (And again more is better!)

 OK, who didn't draw a tail???

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Subj:     Three Couples At A Cafe (S65)
          From: thebartend on 98-04-22

 One day three couples in a minivan are heading to Yellowstone
 National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one
 is from Kansas, and one is from Iowa.  They stop at a little
 cafe on the side of the road for breakfast.

 Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband from
 Nebraska says, "could you pass the honey honey?"  To whom
 his wife, hands over the honey.

 Then, the husband from Kansas says " Could you pass the
 sugar sugar?" and she passes him the sugar.

 The Iowan husband sits there for a minute, then looks at his
 wife and says "Wanna pass me the bacon, pig.

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Subj:     Blind Dog Meets Blind Pig

 A blind pig met a blind dog, neither of which knew what
 they were themselves.  After a bit of discussion  the Dog
 says to the Pig "Why don't we figure out what each other
 is and solve the problem that way".  "Fair enough", says
 the Pig, "I'll go first".

 So the Pig starts to sniff the Dog. " Well, you have a wet
 nose on a fairly long snout, two pointy ears, four legs,
 hair all over and a big bushy tail, do you know, I think
 you're a dog!".

 "Well that's brilliant" says the Dog, "that's just what I
 always wanted to be. Now let me have a sniff of you."

 "Well you have a short flat nose, a squiggly little tail,
 short little legs, little beady eyes, very little hair and
 a big fat belly on you, I think you're...

 Rush Limbaugh!

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Subj:     Three Legged Pig Saves Farmer (S129b, S529b)
          From: smiles on 6/7/99

 Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his
 friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg.  His
 curiosity roused, he ask, "Fred, how'd that pig get him
 a wooden leg?"

 "Well Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a
 wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods.
 That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and
 chased him away.  Saved my life!"

 "And the boar tore up his leg?"

 "No he was fine after that.  But a bit later we
 had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn.
 Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck,
 woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had
 herded the other animals out of the barn and saved 'em all!"

 "So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?"

 "No, Michael. He was a might winded, though.  When my
 tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond
 I was knocked clean out.  When I came to, that pig had dove
 into the pond and dragged me out 'fore I drownded.  Sure did
 save my life."

 "And that was when he hurt his leg?"

 "Oh no, he was fine.  Cleaned him up, too."

 "OK, Fred. So just tell me.  How did he get the wooden leg?"

 "Well", the farmer tells him, "A pig like that, you don't
 want to eat all at once."

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Subj     Short Pig Jokes

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Subj:     The Pink Dachshund (S581b in Dogs-Supp)           From: rfslick           on 3/4/2008

 The mama is a Dachshund.  She is fostering this guy for
 another mom who couldn't take care of him.  You can view
 these eight, cute pictures on my site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     A Wild Hog From Florida (S536c)           From: darrell94590           on 4/23/2007

 These two pictures show a wild hog killed in Florida.  It
 is a very impressive hog.  You can view it on my web site
 by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Tiglets (S499b in Big-CATS)           From: gordonschuk           on 8/6/2006

 These four photos of a mother tiger raising piglets are
 quite cute.  You can view them on my web site by clicking
 'HERE'.
 

 Pigs are the only mammals besides humans which can be
 sunburned.  A hippopotamus also can get a sunburn.  A
 hippopotamus is related to a pig.

 Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to
 local pig farmers to use as feed.  Pigs love the stuff,
 except for one flavor: Mint Oreo.

 In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs
 having sex on the city's airport property.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #100 on 98-04-22
 Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to "CURE" it?

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #318 on 6/25/00 (S179)
 A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.  ( Note: I bet you'll
 never think of a pig in the same way again!)

From: icohen on 98-12-11
 If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

From: Puneet385 on 9/15/2002 (S294)
 I like pigs.  Dogs look up to us.  Cats look down on us.
 Pigs treat us as equals.  -- Sir Winston Churchill

From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
 Q: What is a crafty pig called?
 A: CunningHAM.

From: DR SWITZER on 98-02-24
 Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
 A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

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pig from Smiley_Central

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