(Includes 16 jokes and articles)
Flasher from
Hurricane Electric
| Subj:
Rats and Mice Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 16 jokes and articles) |
|
Flasher from Hurricane Electric |
Also see BALLS file - 'Mouse
Balls'
COMPUTERS3 - 'New
Mouse - SWF Movie'
CONDOM file - 'Little
Johnny And Dad's Condom'
HEAVEN2 file - 'Cat
And Mice Go To Heaven'
LAWYER2 file - 'Lawyers
As Test Rats'
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Subj: Mouse
Story (S472b)
From: gordonschuk on 1/29/2006
Mouse looked through the crack
in the wall to see the farmer
and his wife open a package.
"What food might this contain?"
The mouse wondered - he was
devastated to discover it was a
mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the
mouse proclaimed the warning.
"There is a mousetrap in the
house! There is a mousetrap in
the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched,
raised her head and said,
"Mr. Mouse, I can tell this
is a grave concern to you, but it
is of no consequence to me.
I cannot be bothered by it."
The mouse turned to the pig and
told him, "There is a mouse-
trap in the house! There
is a mousetrap in the house!"
The pig sympathized, but said,
"I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse,
but there is nothing I can do
about it but pray. Be assured
you are in my prayers."
The mouse turned to the cow and
said "There is a mousetrap in
the house! There is a mousetrap
in the house!"
The cow said, "Wow, Mr.
Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's
no skin off my nose."
So, the mouse returned to the
house, head down and dejected,
to face the farmer's mousetrap
alone.
That very night a sound was heard
throughout the house -- like
the sound of a mousetrap catching
its prey.
The farmer's wife rushed to see
what was caught. In the dark-
ness, she did not see it was
a venomous snake whose tail the
trap had caught. The snake
bit the farmer's wife.
The farmer rushed her to the
hospital, and she returned home
with a fever. Everyone
knows you treat a fever with fresh
chicken soup, so the farmer
took his hatchet to the farmyard
for the soup's main ingredient.
But his wife's sickness continued,
so friends and neighbours
came to sit with her around
the clock. To feed them, the
farmer butchered the pig.
The farmer's wife did not get
well; she died. So many people
came for her funeral, the farmer
had the cow slaughtered to
provide enough meat for all
of them.
The mouse looked upon it all
from his crack in the wall with
great sadness.
So, the next time you hear someone
is facing a problem and
think it doesn't concern you,
remember -- when one of us is
threatened, we are all at risk.
We are all involved in this
journey called life. We
must keep an eye out for one another
and make an extra effort to
encourage one another.
One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend.
\\\//
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Subj: Sex
Maniac Mouse (S235)
From: dogbyte on 7/28/2001
One night a man heard howls coming
from his basement and
went down to discover a female
cat being raped by a mouse.
Fascinated by what he saw, the
man gained the mouse's
confidence with some cheese
and then took him next door.
The mouse repeated his amazing
performance by raping a
German Shepherd. The man,
very excited by this, was dying
to show someone his discovery.
He rushed home and woke up
his wife but before he could
explain, she saw the mouse,
screamed, and covered her head
with the blanket.
"Don't be afraid, darling," said
the man. "Wait until I
tell you about this."
"Get out of here!" cried his
wife. "And take that sex
maniac with you!"
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Mice Bragging In A Bar (DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #130 on 98-05-25
Three mice were sitting in a
bar talking about how tough
they were.
The first mouse slams a shot
and says, "I play with mouse
traps for fun. I'll run
into one on purpose and as it is
closing on me, I grab the bar
and bench press it twenty or
thirty times." And with
that he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot
and says, "That's nothing.
I take those Decon tablets,
cut them up and snort them
just for the fun of it."
And with that he slams another
shot.
The third mouse slams a shot,
gets up and walks away. The
first two mice look at each
other, and then turn to the
third mouse and ask, "Where
the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies,
"Can't hang around
with you wimps. I'm going
home to fuck the cat."
\\\//
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Subj: Guinness
And The Mouse (S110)
From: thebartend on 99-03-06
Some Guinness was spilt on the
barroom floor
When the pub was shut for the
night.
When out of his hole crept a
wee brown mouse
And stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy foam
from the floor
Then back on his haunches he
sat.
And all night long, you could
hear the mouse roar,
"Bring on the goddamn cat!"
\\\//
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Subj: Snake
Drawing (S399b)
From: Imogenelumen on 6/26/2004
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Subj: A Tourist
And The Rat Sculpture (S27, S405)
From: Yzmir's HUMOR LISTS Updated 5/22/1997
and
From: jbcary1 on 10/18/2004
(Also see 'Red Pigeon In Phoenix' in
BIRDS)
A tourist wanders into a back-alley
antique shop in San
Francisco's Chinatown.
Picking through the objects on
display he discovers a detailed,
life-sized bronze
sculpture of a rat. The
sculpture is so interesting and
unique that he picks it up and
asks the shop owner what
it costs.
"Twelve dollars for the rat,
sir," says the shop owner,
"and a thousand dollars more
for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old
man," he replies, "but I'll
take the rat." The transaction
complete, the tourist
leaves the store with the bronze
rat under his arm. As
he crosses the street in front
of the store, two live
rats emerge from a sewer drain
and fall into step behind
him. Nervously looking
over his shoulder, he begins to
walk faster, but every time
he passes another sewer drain,
more rats come out and follow
him. By the time he's walked
two blocks, at least a hundred
rats are at his heels, and
people begin to point and shout.
He walks even faster, and
soon breaks into a trot as multitudes
of rats swarm from
sewers, basements, vacant lots,
and abandoned cars. Rats
by the thousands are at his
heels, and as he sees the
waterfront at the bottom of
the hill, he panics and starts
to run full tilt. No matter
how fast he runs, the rats
keep up, squealing hideously,
now not just thousands but
millions, so that by the time
he comes rushing up to the
water's edge a trail of rats
twelve city blocks long is
behind him. Making a mighty
leap, he jumps up onto a light
post, grasping it with one arm
while he hurls the bronze
rat into San Francisco Bay with
the other, as far as he
can heave it. Pulling
his legs up and clinging to the
light post, he watches in amazement
as the seething tide
of rats surges over the breakwater
into the sea, where
they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes
his way back to the antique
shop. "Ah, so you've come
back for the rest of the story,"
says the owner.
"No," says the tourist, "I was
wondering if you have a
bronze lawyer."
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Rat And Mice Jokes
 |
Subj:
Everyone has a bad day! (S550)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/6/2007 |
| Subj:
Blind Rat Has Sex (S483b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/26/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
When You're Down And Out (S464b)
From: darrell94590 on 12/12/2005 |
| Subj:
Mouse Songs (S462b)
From: Science News on 11/26/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: Family
of Mice Caught By Cat (S318)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/2/2003
A family of mouse were surprised
by a big cat. Father Mouse
jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!"
The cat ran away. "What was
that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse.
"Well, son, that's why it's
important to learn a second
language."
From: ICohen on 3/13/2001 (S215)
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
In L.A., California it is illegal
to set a mousetrap without
a hunting license....
From: mombear1 on 8/21/2001 (S238)
A rat can last longer without
water than a camel.
From: joke-of-the-day.com on 5/5/2003
(S327b)
Whenever man comes up with a
better mousetrap, nature
immediately comes up with a
better mouse. -- James Carswell
From: DoctorDebt on 6/2/2003 (S322b)
It has recently been discovered
that
research causes cancer in rats.
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 |
Mouse in wheel from
Smiley_Central |