Subject: The
Sunday Morning Laughs #629
Date: 2/22/2009
"They say the seeds of what
we will do are in all of us,
but it always seemed to me
that in those who make jokes
in life the seeds are covered
with better soil and with
a higher grade of manure.
" -- Ernest Hemingway
Thanks for the great jokes you guys
keep sending. If
I haven’t sent out a certain joke
for four years, I am
now sending the best ones out a
second time.
Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have
sent me through the years.
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Subj:
George Gobel On The Johnny Carson Show
From: LABLaughsClean
on 1/12/2009 |
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99z4CVkowJc
Bob Hope, Dean Martin, and
George Gobel on the Johnny
Carson Show in 1969.
Click on the above source, or
below for my file version
of this very funny video.
http://jokelibrary.net/xOtherAtoM/g_to_m/movies_etc-supp2-gobel.html
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Subj: Waiting
For You...
From: darrell94590 on 8/5/2005
I lie awake waiting for you.
As I lie on my bed, thinking
about you, I feel this strong
urge to grab you and squeeze
you, because I can't forget
last night. You came to me
unexpectedly during the balmy
and calm night, and what
happened in my bed still
leaves a tingling sensation in me.
You appeared from nowhere
and shamelessly, without any
reservations, you lay on
my naked body. You sensed my
indifference, so you applied
your hungry mouth to me with-
out any guilt or humiliation,
and you nearly drove me
crazy while you drained me.
Finally I went to sleep.
Today when I woke up, you were
gone. I searched for
you but to no avail, only the sheets
bore witness to last night's
events. My body still bears
faint marks of your enthusiastic
ravishings, making it
harder to forget you.
Tonight I will remain awake
waiting for you... “You
fucking mosquito!”
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Subj:
Pilot's Eye View Of Carrier Landing!
From: darrellvip on 1/27/2009 |
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This home video will make
your heart start racing.
It is very cool. Click
below to see it.
http://jokelibrary.net/occupations/p_files/pilot-supp-carrierlanding.html
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Subj: Older
Couple Get Romantic
From: DoctorDebt on 3/4/2004
An older couple were lying
in bed one night. The husband
was falling asleep but the
wife was in a romantic mood and
wanted to talk. She
said: "You used to hold my hand when
we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her
hand for a second and tried
to get back to sleep. A few
moments later she said: "Then
you used to kiss me. "Mildly
irritated, he reached across,
gave her a peck on the cheek
and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said:
"Then you used to bite my
neck." Angrily, he threw back
the bed clothes and got out
of bed. "Where are you going?"
she asked. "To get my teeth!"
he replied.
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Subj:
Barclaycard Waterslide
From: LABLaughsClean
on 1/12/2009 |
Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgoZb8rQmfE
This Barclaycard commercial
is very entertaining.
More companies should make
ads you enjoy seeing.
Click on the above source,
or below for my copy,
to view it.
http://jokelibrary.net/yNonJokes/b_to_t/head-waterslide.html
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Subj: Cop
Stops Lawyer With Fish
From: KMacinty on 09/13/1999
and From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/23/2009
Bob, a lawyer, was driving
home over the Golden Gate Bridge
after spending a great day
out on the ocean fishing. His
catch, cleaned and filleted,
was wrapped in newspaper on
the passenger side floor.
He was late getting home and
was speeding... Wouldn't you
know, a cop jumped out, radar
gun in hand, motioned him to
the side of the bridge.
Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to the
window and said, "You know how fast
you were going, BOY?"
Bob thought for a second and
said, "Uhh, 60?"
"67 mph, son! 67 mph in a
55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew,
officer" replied Bob, "Why did
you ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer,
the officer growled, in his normal
sarcastic fashion, "That's
speeding, and you're getting a
ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good close look at Bob,
in his stained fishing attire
and said, "You don't even look
like you have a job!
Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy
in my entire life!"
Bob answered, "I've got a
job! I have a good, well-paying
job!"
The cop leaned in the window,
smelling Bob's fish catch,
said, "What kind of a job
would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!"
replied Bob.
"What you say, BOY?" asked
the patrolman. And Bob repeated,
"I'm a rectum stretcher!"
The cop, scratching his head,
asked, "What does a rectum
stretcher do?"
Bob explained, "People call
me up and say they need to be
stretched, so I go over to
their house. I start with a
couple of fingers, then a
couple more, and then one whole
hand, then two. Then I slowly
pull them farther and farther
apart until it's a full six
feet across."
The cop, absorbed with these
bizarre images in his mind,
asked, "What the hell do
you do with a six foot asshole?"
Bob nonchalantly answered,
"You give it a radar gun and
stick it at the end of a
bridge."
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Subj:
FoxTrot Comic Strip
By Bill Amend
From: WashingtonPost.com on 1/25/2009 |
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Source: http://wpcomics.washingtonpost.com/client/wpc/ft/
This Sunday comic strip shows
how to solve
algebra problems. Click
below to view it.
http://jokelibrary.net/education/m_files/m3S-foxtrot.html
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Subj: Kid
Visits The Elderly
From: gheckman on 12/9/2002
While working for an organization
that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used
to take my four-year-old
daughter on my afternoon
rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued
by the various appliances
of old age, particularly
the canes, walkers and wheel-
chairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false
teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions,
she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy
will never believe this!"
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Subj:
Math Prob. - Ali Baba And The Thieves
From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 1/26/2009
Drawing from FotoSearch.com |
Source: http://www.afunzone.com/adailypuzzle/01-26-09.html
Take the number of states
before Alaska and Hawaii were added.
Double that and add the number
of "winds." Then subtract the
number of Ali Baba's thieves,
not counting Ali Baba. Divide
by the number of days in
May minus 1. Cube the result. What
do you get? Click below
for the answer.
http://jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS2-ali_baba.html
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Subj:
Puzzle - The Merchant Of Bagdad
From the book
"Mathematical Puzzles of Sam Loyd"
Edited by Martin Gardner
From: Dover Publications in 1959 |
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Show how the merchant measured
the wine and water.
You can see this problem's
description, drawing,
and solution on my web site
by clicking below.
http://jokelibrary.net/education/m2/m4cS2-merchant.html
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