Sunday Morning Laughs #760
say the seeds of what we will do are in all of us,
it always seemed to me that in those who make jokes
life the seeds are covered with better soil and with
grade of manure. " -- Ernest Hemingway
the great jokes you guys keep sending. If
sent out a certain joke for two years, I am
the best ones out a second time.
Go to http://jokelibrary.net/a_joke_library.html
to read the great jokes you have
sent me through the years.
You can also view old "Sunday Morning
||Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009
The volume of new material
I see in emails and on the web is
decrease. The Sunday
Morning Laughs will be getting shorter.
Help keep the Sunday Laughs
going by sending me new stuff.
The Frantics - Her First Period
This video is a hilarious
skit by Canadian comedy troupe
Frantics. It was featured in 30th anniversary show
the Royal in Toronto, November 2009. Her First Period
one of the most memorable shows in the troupe's history.
on either source, or below for my copy, to see this
Lincoln Assassination Eyewitness
Text from HyperVocal
once in a while you come across something on the Internets
so good you just have to share it, no matter how old it
This clip of a game show from 1956 hit YouTube in 2009, but
are you haven't seen it. If that's true, stop what you
doing and appreciate a piece of living history right now.
I've Got a Secret featured a panel of four celebrities
a modified game of 20 Questions, with each star trying
figure out the contestant's amusing, embarrassing or amazing
particular episode, airing some time in February 9, 1956,
a man named Samuel J. Seymour, who at the time was the
living eyewitness to President Abraham Lincoln's assassin-
Click on either source, or below for my copy to watch
Secrets Of Women's Language
From: tom on 8/16/2008
and From: kgilmour2000 on 8/4/2011
and their meanings.
is the word a woman uses at the end of any argument
she feels she is right about but needs to shut you up.
use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will
you to have one of those arguments.
is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes
your football/hockey or whatever game is going to last
you take out the trash, so she feels that it's an
means something and you should be on your toes.
is usually used to describe the feeling a woman
of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
AHEAD (c/w Raised Eyebrows)
is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting
over "Nothing" and eventually cause an argument that
last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
AHEAD (w/out raised eyebrows)
means "I give up. Do what you want because I don't
You will, however, get a Raised Eyebrow "Go Ahead"
just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing", and a "Five
argument ending with "Fine".
actually a word of course but often a verbal cue
by men. The "Loud Sigh" means she thinks
an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time
there having a "Five Minute" argument with you
of the few sounds that some men actually understand.
is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe.
word followed by any statement is trouble. E.G. -
let me get that",which actually means you are
incapable and incompetent and cannot possibly
the task to her particular standard. Or "Oh,
talked to the cable guy", which means she
inadvertently blown the cover on your secret extra
and black box. Worse yet is, "Oh, I talked to
about what you did last night.
is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to
long and hard before paying you back for what ever
is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used
the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised
point in the near future, you are going to be in
mighty big trouble.
is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving
the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason
have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You
a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you
get a "That's Okay"
is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say,
A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It
that you have offended her in some callous way,
will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to
what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
Andy Serkis: The Famous, Unknown Actor
Serkis has had leading roles in mega-blockbusters that
earned over $2.5 billion worldwide. He's the main
in a major movie opening this month, and this
he'll appear in a new 3D adventure film directed
Steven Spielberg. And yet, odds are good that if you
into him on the street you'd have no idea he was a
star. Because usually you never see his face. Click
the above source, or below for my copy, to read this
article, and see three trailers of his movies.
A Mariachi Band Serenading A Beluga Whale
Mariachi Connecticut performs for a beluga whale at
Aquarium, where they were performing during a
Based in Hartford, Mariachi Connecticut has been
eight years. Click on either source, or below
my copy to view the obvious intelligence of this whale.
Storing Cannon Balls
From: RFSlick on 1/23/2002
and From: tom on 8/8/2011
heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many
carried iron cannons. Those cannon fired
iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good
near the cannon, but prevent them from rolling
the deck. The best storage method devised was a
based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on
resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.
a supply of thirty cannon balls could be stacked
a small area right next to the cannon. There was
one problem - how to prevent the bottom layer from
from under the others? The solution
a metal plate called a, "Monkey," with sixteen
indentations. If this plate was made of iron,
iron balls would quickly rust to it.
solution to the rusting problem was to make, "Brass
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts
more and much faster than iron when chilled.
when the temperature dropped too far, the
indentations would shrink so much that the cannon
would roll right off the monkey.
it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the
off a brass monkey!" (And all this time, you have
dirty thoughts, haven't you?) - - -
is a good story, but it is an urban legend as verified
Touch The Mouse Pointer To His Nose
Made by SelfControlFreak
From: kgilmour2000 on 8/8/2011
practice, three times I was able to rest the mouse
the man's nose. Click on the above source, or below
my copy, to play this fun interactive video.
to see all twenty-
College Football Coach Quotes
From: tom on 8/6/2011
Drawing from Flickr.com
on the above source, or below for my copy,
read some wonderful college football quotes.
Two Southern Ladies Talk
From: thebartend on 8/16/2001
and From: sam.hutkins on 8/5/2011
delicate flowers of Southern womanhood, one from Georgia,
other from Alabama, were conversing on the porch swing
a large white pillared mansion.
Georgia peach said, "When my first child was born, my
built this beautiful mansion for me."
lady from Alabama commented. "Well, bless your heart."
first woman continued, "When my second child was born,
husband bought me that fine Cadillac you see parked in
drive. "Again, the belle from Alabama commented, Well,
first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child was
my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.
again, the second of the ladies commented, "Well, bless
first woman then asked her companion, "What did your
buy for you when you had your first child?"
husband sent me to charm school," declared the Alabama
school, the first woman cried, "Land sakes," child,
on Earth for?""
Alabamian responded, "So that instead of saying "Who
a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart."
Hagar Sunday Comic Strip
by Dik Browne
From: WashingtonPost.com on 7/31/2011
below to read this cute, Hagar the Horrible,
comic strip about how to get a girlfriend.
Snoopy And Bridge II
By Charles M. Schulz
From: News.Yahoo.com on 8/7/2011
below to see this Sunday Classic Peanuts
strip about Snoopy and playing bridge.
Short Jokes That Made Me Laugh Or Smile
Hurricane Irene Warning
From" Ruby Lou on Facebook on 8/27/2011
JUST IN ** As Hurricane Irene prepares to batter the
Coast, federal disaster officials have warned that
outages could force people to interact with other
for the first time in years. Residents are bracing
for the horror of awkward silences and unwanted
contact. FEMA has advised: "Be prepared. Write down
topics to talk about in advance. Sports...the
Remember, a conversation is basically a series
Facebook updates strung together.":
Franklin On Wine, Beer, And Water
From: hilary.miller05 on 8/9/2011
there is one quote that was NOT said by Ben Franklin!!
were not CALLED Bacteria back in the 1700s.
"In wine there
is wisdom, in beer there is strength,
water there is bacteria." -- David Auerbach
At Steve Gibbs suggestion I have
placed this donate button at
a few key locations on my web site.
If you are sending me
jokes each week, or find my errors,
you have already donated.
Hey, if you sent
a quarter each week, I might have some cents.