>>> Subj:     Biology Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 24 jokes and articles)

Microscope from Animation Factory

Also see CLINTONSCNDL1- 'Brain Cells'
         COLLEGE1     - 'Cheek Cells Under A Microscope'
         COLLEGE2     - 'College Biology Class'
         FROG file    - 'Frog Phones Pyschic Hotline'
         Ig Nobel file- 'Biology Prize'
         LAWYER2 file - 'Lawyers As Test Rats'
         MATH2 file   - 'A Mathematician, Biologist And Physicist Count'
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Subj:     Jumping Frog Experiment (DU)

 There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with
 frogs.  He was measuring just how far frogs could jump.  So
 he puts a frog on a line and says "Jump frog, jump!".  The
 frog jumps 2 feet.  He writes in his lab book: 'Frog with 4
 legs - jumps 2 feet'.

 Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiment.
 "Jump frog jump!" he says.  The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet.
 So he writes in his lab book: 'Frog with 3 legs - jumps 1.5 feet'.

 He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot.  He writes
 in his book: 'Frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot'.

 He continues and removes yet another leg.  " Jump frog jump!"
 and the frog somehow jumps a half of a foot.  So he writes in
 his lab book again: 'Frog with one leg - jumps 0.5 feet'.

 Finally he chops off the last leg.  He puts the frog on the line
 and teels it to jump. "Jump frog, jump!".  The frog doesn't move.
 "Jump frog, jump!!!".  Again the frog stays on the line.  "Come
 on frog, jump!".  But to no avail.

 The biologist finally writes in his book:  'Frog with no legs -
 goes deaf'

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Subj:     Biology Quotes

 "Biology is the only science in which multiplication means
 the same thing as division."

 Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain
 things which otherwise require harder thinking.
    -- Jerome Lettvin

 Physics-envy is the curse of biology. -- Joel Cohen

 A curious aspect of the theory of evolution is
 that everybody thinks he understands it.
    -- Jacques Monod _On the Molecular Theory of Evolution_ (1974)

 Orgel's Second Rule: Evolution is cleverer than you are.
    -- Francis Crick quoted by Daniel C. Dennett in _Elbow Room_ (1984)

 Evolution is a tinkerer.
    -- Francois Jacob "Evolution and Tinkering" (1977)

 A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
    -- Samuel Butler _Life and Habit_ (1877)

 People are DNA's way of making more DNA.
    -- Edward O. Wilson, 1975

 Much of what we know about man is derived from the
 study of sweet peas and a species of vinegar fly.

 The misnaming of fields of study is so common as to lead
 to what might be general systems laws.  For example, Frank
 Harary once suggested the law that any field that had the
 word "science" in its name was guaranteed thereby not to
 be a science.  He would cite as examples Military Science,
 Library Science, Political Science, Homemaking Science,
 Social Science, and Computer Science.  Discuss the
 generality of this law, and possible reasons for its
 predictive power.   -- Gerald Weinberg, "An Introduction
 to General Systems Thinking."

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Subj:     Short Biology Jokes

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Subj:     Worms And Alcohol (S291)
          From: grs on 97-12-04
      and From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 8/27/2002
      (Also see 'Minister Gives A Talk About Worms And Sin' in Preacher)
 A seventh grade Biology teacher arranged a demonstration
 for his class.  He took two earth worms and in front of
 the class.  He dropped the first worm into a beaker of
 water where it dropped to the bottom and wriggled about.
 He dropped the second worm into a beaker of Ethyl alcohol
 and it immediately shriveled up and died.  He asked the
 class if anyone knew what this demonstration was intended
 to show them.

 A boy in the second row immediately shot his arm up and,
 when called on said, "You're showing us that if you drink
 alcohol, you won't have worms."
 

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Subj:     Life (S255)
          From: dogbyte on 12/17/2001
 Life is a biochemical reaction to the stimulus of the
 surrounding environment in a stable ecosphere, while
 a bowl of cherries is a round container filled with
 little red fruits on sticks.

 Therefore, life is NOT like a bowl of cherries!
 

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Subj:     Who's In Charge Of The Body? (S439b)
          From: FrankRoesc on 99-03-05
 All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to
 decide who was in charge.  "I should be in charge," said
 the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so with-
 out me nothing would happen."

 "I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I
 circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste
 away."

 "I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I
 process food and give all of you energy."

 "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because I'm
 responsible for waste removal."

 All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and
 insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.  Within
 a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the
 stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually
 the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum
 should be the boss.

 The moral of the story?  You don't have to be smart or
 important to be in charge... just an asshole.
 

 Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?

 OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away

 Life is a sexually transmitted disease

 Life is anything that dies when you stomp it!

 Support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!

 Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

 There was once a cloner named Hector,
 who had problems in his private sector,
 his wife was depressed,
 'cos his genes weren't experessed,
 for lack of a functioning vector!

 Biologists think they're biochemists.
 Biochemists think they're chemists.
 Chemists think the're physical chemists.
 Physical Chemists think they're physicists.
 Physicists think they're God.
 God thinks he is a mathematician
 

 Q: What does DNA stand for?
 A: National Dyslexics Association

From: icohen on 12/07/1999 (S149)
 Q: What is the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?
 A: You can't hear an enzyme.

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