(Includes 18 jokes and articles)
Algebra GIF from
Animation Factory
| Subj: MATH1
File - NonMath Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 18 jokes and articles) |
|
Algebra GIF from Animation Factory |
Also see BIRD-DUCKS - 'Duck
Word Riddle'
BIRTHDAY file- 'Slicing
A Brithday Cake'
BRAINTEASERS - (the whole
file)
......................-
'The
Mind Reader'
.........BRAINTEASERS7-
'da
Vinci's Square Puzzle'
CATS1 file - 'Cats
In A Basket Riddle'
CATS2 file - 'Cat
And Mice Riddle'
......................-
'Cat
And Mice Riddle II'
COMPUTERS4 - 'Growth
In Sales Of Wyse Computers'
DATING3 file - 'Maths
and Romance'
DIFFERENCES3 - 'Many
Differences'
DOGS1 file - 'Two
Farmers And A Dog Who Can Count'
EBONICS file - 'Algebra
I Mid Term Exam Ebonics'
ENGINEERING1 - 'Students
Of Engineering, Physics, And Math-Contest'
FARMER2 file - 'Settling
The Will Of A Missouri Farmer'
FOOD_ETC - 'Ordering
Six McNuggets'
FOOTBALL file- 'Football
Player Takes Math Test'
GOLF3 file - 'Riddle-100
Golfers In Match Play'
HALLOWEEN - 'Pumpkin
Pie'
JOBS1 file - 'Types
Of Jobs'
JOB-STUFF - 'The
Dilemma'
HEAVEN1 file - 'Einstein
Dies And Goes To Heaven'
HELL file - 'The
Devil's Muse - Puzzle'
LAWS file - 'Variations
On Murphy's Law'
MAILMAN-ETC. - 'Milkman's
Puzzle'
MARRIAGE1 - 'Accountant
Leaves Wife For Secretary'
MIDDLE EAST - 'US
Arrests Iraqi School Teacher'
NATIONAL2 - 'A
Billion In Perspective...'
.........NATIVES
file - 'Cannibal
Riddle II'
NEW YORK file- 'The
Twin Towers And Numbers'
NUNS2 file - 'Sister
Mathematical And Sister Logical'
PHYSICS1 file- 'Mathematician,
Physicist And A Nude Woman'
POLICE2 file - 'Math
Teacher Stopped By Highway Patrol'
PSYCHOLOGY - 'Psychic
Web Site'
RELIGION2 - 'Heavenly
Mathematics'
SCHOOL1 file - 'Pepito Learns
To Add'
......................-
'Old-Fashioned
Catholic Discipline'
SCHOOL3 file - 'PUZZLE-Calculating
Teacher's Age'
SCHOOL-SUPP - 'Blonde Waves In Supermarket'
SCIENCE1 file- 'Murphy's
Laws Of Research'
SEX1 file - 'Sex
And Numbers'
TEST2 file - 'Free
Will Or Synaptic Wiring?'
Valentine - 'Valentine
Riddle'
The MATH1
file are nonmathematical math jokes
MATH2
file are mathematical jokes
Math3
file contains tests, and formulas
Math4
file contains problems
Math5
file contains quotes
MATH6
file contains lymerics, short jokes, stories, and Q/A.
===========================================================Top
| Subj:
Math, Poker, And Life (S580b)
By Brian Townsend (in Games2-Supp) From: gayleheckman on 2/25/2008 |
 |
Photo from CardPlayer.com |
This article from Card Player
Magazine compares
mathematics to real life in
an interesting way. The
author is a young man who has
made millions of dollars
playing poker professionally.
Click 'HERE' to read it.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: The
Full Story-Weapons Of Math Instruction (S359b, DU)
From: mbucher on 12/19/2003
(Also see 'US
Arrests Iraqi School Teacher' in MIDDLEEAST
and 'Oakland Teacher Arrested'
in MATH6)
At New York's Kennedy airport
today, an individual, later
discovered to be a public school
teacher, was arrested
trying to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler,
a protractor, a set square,
and a calculator.
Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez
believes the man is a member
of the notorious al-gebra movement.
He is being charged
with carrying weapons of math
instruction. Al-gebra is a
very fearsome cult, indeed.
They desire average solutions
by means and extremes, and sometimes
go off on a tangent
in a search of absolute value.
They consist of quite
shadowy figures, with names
like "x" and "y", and, although
they are frequently referred
to as "unknowns", we know they
really belong to a common denominator
and are part of the
axis of medieval with coordinates
in every country.
As the great Greek philanderer
isosceles used to say, there
are 3 sides to every angle,
and if God had wanted us to
have better weapons of math
instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and
toes. Therefore, I'm extremely
grateful that our government
has given us a sine that it is
intent on protracting us from
these math-dogs who are so
willing to disintegrate us with
calculus disregard. These
statistic bastards love to inflict
plane on every sphere of
influence. Under the circumferences,
it's time we
differentiated their root, made
our point, and drew the line.
These weapons of math instruction
have the potential to
decimal everything in their
math on a scalene never before
seen unless we become exponents
of Higher Power and begin to
factor-in random facts of vertex.
As our Great Leader would say,
Read my ellipse. Here is one
principle he is ncertainty of---though
they continue to
multiply, their days are numbered
and the hypotenuse will
tighten around their necks.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
Subj: Seconds
In A Year
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/30/2003
The teacher said, "Class, we
know there are 60 seconds in a
minute, 60 minutes in an hour,
24 hours in a day, and 365
days in a year. Now, who can
tell me how many seconds there
are in a year?"
The class looked very baffled
by the question, except for
Billy, who raised his hand and
waved it excitedly.
"Ok, Billy, tell me how many
seconds there are in a year,"
the teacher said.
"There are twelve seconds in a year," exclaimed Billy.
"Twelve? Please explain how on
earth you came up with that
number," the teacher said.
"Well," explained Billy, "there's
January second, February
second, March second..."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
Subj: Proof
Barney Is Satanic (S214, DU)
From: jdillow on 3/8/2001
Given: Barney is a CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
Prove: Barney is Satanic
The Romans had no letter 'U' and used
'V' instead for printing,
meaning the Roman representation for
Barney would be:
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
Extracting the Roman numerals, we have:
C V V L D I V
Decimal Equivalents are:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5
Adding those numbers produces: 666
666 is the number of the beast.
Therefore, Barney is Satan.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
| Subj:
Little Johnny Knows His Numbers (S244, S450b)
From: thebartend on 10/3/2001 and From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 8/29/2005 |
 |
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three."
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job.
What comes after ten?"
"A jack," says the kid.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
|
|
Subj:
Little Johnny Doesn't Pay Attention (S134, S578)
From: smiles on 8/22/99 . Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images |
The math teacher saw that Little
Johnny wasn't paying attention
in class. She called on him
and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and
4 and 28 and 44?"
Johnny quickly replied, "CBS, NBC, HBO and the Cartoon Network."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
| Subj:
Little Johnny Gets An F In Math (S228)
From: h2oman19 on 6/7/2001 . |
|
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
Subj: Algebra
(S443b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/18/2005
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20040709
 |
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
|
|
Subj:
Teaching Math Concept Of A 100 (S238)
From: flovilla on 8/20/2001 . Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images |
Little Johnny runs up to the
B/Board, grabs the chalk and
draws three trees and says..."Tree
plus Tree plus Tree!"
"Very good Johnny, but that only
makes nine!" replies
the Teacher.
Little Johnny thinks some more
and colours the trees
in a dark brown color and says
"Dirty Tree plus Dirty
Tree plus Dirty Tree!"
"Very good Johnny, but now you
only have 99!" replies
the Teacher.
Little Johnny thinks some more
and puts a small dot
under each tree.
"Whats that supposed to be?" asks the Teacher.
"Dirty Tree and a Turd plus Dirty
Tree and a Turd plus
Dirty Tree and a Turd."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
| Second version
Subj: Cajun Math Test (S476) From: darrell94590t on 3/4/2006 |
 |
To see the Cajun Math Test click 'HERE'.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
Subj: Elementary
Class Does Operations
Mrs. Johnson the elementary school
math teacher was having
children do problems on the
blackboard that day.
"Who would like to do the first problem, addition?"
No one raised their hand.
She called on Tommy, and with
some help he finally got it
right.
"Who would like to do the second problem, subtraction?"
Students hid their faces.
She called on Mark, who got
the problem but there was some
suspicion his girlfriend
Lisa whispered it to him.
"Who would like to do the third problem, division?"
Now a low collective groan could
be heard as everyone
looked at nothing in particular.
The teacher called on
Suzy, who got it right (she
has been known to hold back
sometimes in front of her friends).
"Who would like to do the last problem, multiplication?"
Tim's hand shot up, surprising
everyone in the room. Mrs.
Johnson finally gained her composure
in the stunned silence.
"Why the enthusiasm, Tim?"
"God said to go fourth and multiply!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
| Subj:
Math Prob-Birds And Ice Cream (S22, S578b)
From: dscott on 97-06-30 and From: Imogenelumen on 11/20/2003 |
|
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
Little Johnny is attending his
math class when teacher asks
him a question: "Johnny, if
there were five birds sitting on
a fence and you shot one with
your rifle, how many would be
left?"
"None," says Johnny, "because the rest would fly away."
"Well the answer is four," says
teacher, "but I like the way
you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a
question for now: If there were
three women eating ice cream
cones entering a shop, one was
licking her cone, the second
was biting the cone, and the
third was sucking the cone,
which one is married?"
"Well" says teacher, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"Not quite," says little Johnny,
"the one with the wedding
ring on her finger, but I like
the way you're thinking."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
Subj: Merits
Of A Wife Or A Mistress (S262c)
(Also See 'Architect,
Artist, And Engineer' in ENGINEER1)
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician
were discussing the
relative merits of having a
wife or a mistress. The lawyer
says: "For sure a mistress is
better. If you have a wife
and want a divorce, it causes
all sorts of legal problems.
The doctor says: "It's better
to have a wife because the
sense of security lowers your
stress and is good for your
health.
The mathematician says: " You're
both wrong. It's best to
have both so that when the wife
thinks you're with the
mistress and the mistress thinks
you're with your wife ---
you can do some mathematics.
-- Bruce Bukiet, Los
Alamos National Lab
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
Subj: The
Number "Seven" (S578c)
This guy lives near a mental
hospital. Everyday on his way
to the bus stop, he has to pass
along the tall walls of the
hospital.
One morning, on his way to work,
he heard the psychos behind
the wall chanting, "Seven! Seven!
Seven!" The guy thought
to himself, "Crazy nuts!"
Later that afternoon on the way
home, he again passed the
sanitarium. And again
he heard the loonies counting,
"Seven! Seven! Seven!"
Now thoroughly intrigued, he went
around the tall walls to look
for somewhere he could peek
in. He found a big boulder
just beside the fence and he
climbed it. And he stuck
his head over the wall and looked
down...
BAM!! A loony waiting just
behind the other side of the
wall hit him with a big baseball
bat. Down he went from
the boulder and fell to the
ground unconscious. And the
nuts resumed their chanting,
"Eight! Eight! Eight!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
Subj: The
Number 43 (like "7" joke, but I prefer the this version)
A man was jumping up ? down on
a manhole cover on a sidewalk
in town. Every time he
landed he shouted 43. On and on he
went : "43 43 43 43...."
A curious passer-by stopped and
asked him what he was doing?
To which the man replied "making
money". The passer was
sceptical, and said : "what
by jumping up and down shouting
43?" "Yup" replied the man.
The passer by chuckled and left.
On his way back, he again came
across the man jumping on the
manhole cover. "43 43
43 43 ...". Still curious he asked
the man if he could give it
a try, "Nooooo!" replied the man
"this is my lucky manhole cover,
go find your own!"
The passer-by begged him to let
him try, and reluctantly, the
man let him have his way for
5 bucks. The passer started
jumping up and down yelling
"43 43 43...". As he was in mid
flight, the man swept the manhole
cover away.
The passer by fell down into
the darkness. After which the
man resumed: "44 44 44 44 44........"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
Subj: The
Mathematician, The Engineer, And The Hooker
A Mathematician and an engineer
walk into a square room.
On the far side of the room
is a hooker. The engineer says
to the mathematician "Bet you
can't get to her if you go
half the distance to her, then
go half the distance of that
half the distance that you just
took, and so on". The
mathematician takes out his
calculator, does some figuring
for fifteen minutes, realizes
he will never accomplish the
feet, and starts to walk out
the door. As he reaches the
door the hooker offers the engineer
the same challenge and
says she will work for free
if he wins. The engineer takes
out his HP, does some figuring
for five minutes, and walks
to the bathroom.
He soon comes back with a ruler
in his hand. The mathe-
matician asks the engineer "What
are you doing?". The
engineer answers "Well at least
I can get within working
distance within the next ten
minutes."
Second version
A mathematician and a physicist
agree to a psychological
experiment. The mathematician
is put in a chair in a large
empty room and a beautiful naked
woman is placed on a bed
at the other end of the room.
The psychologist explains, "You
are to remain in your chair.
Every five minutes, I will move
your chair to a position
halfway between its current
location and the woman on the
bed." The mathematician
looks at the psychologist in disgust.
"What? I'm not going to go through
this. You know I'll never
reach the bed!" And he
gets up and storms out. The psycho-
logist makes a note on his clipboard
and ushers the physicist
in. He explains the situation,
and the physicist's eyes
light up and he starts drooling.
The psychologist is a bit
confused.
"Don't you realize that you'll
never reach her?" The
physicist smiles and replied,
"Of course! But I'll get
close enough for all practical
purposes!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
Subj: Knowledge
Pills
A somewhat advanced society has
figured how to package basic
knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning,
goes to the pharmacy and
asks what kind of knowledge
pills are available. The
pharmacist says "Here's a pill
for English literature."
The student takes the pill and
swallows it and has new know-
ledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history,
biology, and world
history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and
swallows them and has new
knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says "Wait just
a moment", and goes back
into the storeroom and brings
back a whopper of a pill and
plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied "Well,
you know math always was a
little hard to swallow."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================Top
 |
Subj:
Hard Math Equations (S528)
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/8/2007 |
You can view this silly, cute
picture at the source above,
or on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo======================
 |
Cheating in math from
Smiley_Central |