(Includes 82 jokes and articles, 26950,39,cf,md4vT,25)
Click "Here" for Music-Supp2
AGAG Animation Gallery
Subj: Jolene At 33 RPMs (S950d)
Posted by Tom Berry
From: Mark Hummel on Facebook
.......Ever heard Dolly Parton's 'Jolene' slowed down to 33
.......rpm? Click 'HERE' for this unexpectedly awesome song.
Piano Balls (S484d)
This amazingly talented young
man plays a piano keyboard by
bouncing orange balls on the keys. All I can say is Wow!
You can view this video at the source above, or on my site
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: My Favorite Things (S480b)
From: vaterbenicia on 4/1/2006
To commemorate her 69th birthday
on October 1, actress/vocalist
Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio
City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical
numbers she performed was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary
movie "Sound Of Music." However, the lyrics of the song were
deliberately changed for the entertainment of her "blue hair"
audience. :(Sing the song as you gooooo....) Here are the
lyrics she recited
Sing along with Julie Andrews
to the tune of "My Favorite
Things" from Sound of Music.
Maalox and nose drops and needles
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing
aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn
pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions ,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains,
and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that
lasted over four minutes and repeated encores.
The Llama Song (S469b,d in Other_Animals)
by Burton Earny
From: igiggle on 1/15/2006
This SWF movie is a very catchy
little song with pictures.
You can view it at the source above, or on my web site by
Subj: Revised Hits For Baby Boomers (S463b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/6/2005
'60s' artists revised their hits' lyrics for baby boomers.
Herman's Hermits -
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker
The Bee Gees -
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip
Bobby Darin -
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash
Ringo Starr -
I Get By With a Little Help from Depends
Roberta Flack -
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash -
I Can't See Clearly Now
Paul Simon -
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom
Marvin Gaye -
I Heard it Through the GrapeNuts
Procol Harem -
A Whiter Shade of Hair
Leo Sayer -
You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations -
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone
Tony Orlando -
Knock 3 Times on the Ceiling if you Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy -
I am Woman, Hear me Snore
Willie Nelson -
On the Throne Again
Leslie Gore -
It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want To
Celestial Jukebox S283b)
|Picture of Celestial Jukebox
from eBay add
The original article about the
Celestial Jukebox project in
no longer available on Yahoo. Two good alternate articles
are the following:
The Celestial Jukebox. Where
Posted by Bill Evans in Bill's Corner on May 3, 2002
The UJukebox Manifesto
By Janelle Brown
Subj: CD Copy Protection (S277b)
From: jerry on 5/19/2002
The music recording industry
which, in their zeal to prevent
people from copying CDs, has now, according to MacUser,
created music CDs which, when played in the iMac, damages
the machine's firmware requiring that the machine be sent
in for repair. The CD mentioned is Celine Dion's "A New
Day Has Come" (they ain't joking).
From: jerry on 5/20/2002
Yesterday we reported that a new CD copyright scheme
damages the firmware in iMacs requiring that the
machine be taken in for service.
Today Reuters reports that this
scheme, this brilliant,
clever, high tech copy protection scheme can be
completely defeated by merely investing 99 cents in a
marker pen. They report that if you scribble around
the rim of the CD with a felt-tip marker, the protection
They tried this with the Celine
Dion CD that damaged the
iMacs and it worked fine after the scribbling was done.
Reuters via Yahoo News 20-May-02
Subj: Short Music Jokes (S205)
We Wish You A Merry Christmas (S569d in Christmas1)
From: tom on 12/15/2007
(See 'Piano Balls' in Music-Supp)
Nocturne In B Flat Major (S566c)
Prelude To Fornication (S565c)
I'm My Own Grandpa (S563d)
By Ray Stephens
From: rfslick on 11/5/2007
I'm My Own Grandpa II (DU,d)
From: Wimp.com on 1/4/2010
Bobby McFerrin Performs Bach (S563d, S875)
My Nose Was Running Money"
From: rfslick on 10/16/2007 (S561b,d)
Photo from YouTube...
We Didn't Start The Fire (S560d,cf,md4,2)
From: edapsmas on 10/9/2007
Picture from Yahoo Images
Hip Hop Violinist (S559d)
Kill The Wabbit - What's Opera Doc? (S555b, S876d)
From: edapsmas on 9/2/2007 (in Cartoons)
Picture from YouTube.com
Country Weather Band (S554c)
Photos from: paskenta55
Rodney Carrington - Show Them To Me (S552d)
From: cappucinid on 8/14/2007 (in Breast)
Photo from Yahoo Images
Bon Jovi And The Insult Comic Dog (S551d)
From: YouTube.com on 8/13/2007
Paul Potts Sings Opera (S550d)
on 8/5/2007 (in Englishman)
Strangers On My Flight (in Planes-Supp)
From: AFine963 on 7/28/2007 (S549d)
Picture from Animatronics.org...
On the Street Where You Live (S548b,d)
From: Media @ Large on 7/18/2007
Picture from Damav.com
Tom Rush - Remember Song (S546b,d)
From: rfslick on 6/26/2007
Photo from YouTube...
Press One For English (S546c,d)
Grease Babies (S543d in Kids3)
The Four Fingered Pianist (S542c,d)
on 6/4/2007 (in Handicapped-Supp)
Clinton Got A Blowjob - Video (S534d)
on 4/16/2007 (in Movies)
||Subj: Joshua Bell
Plays The L'Enfant Plaza Station (S534b)
From: edapsmas on 4/11/2007
Name That Tune (S533c)
From: drgolfmd on 2/7/2007
Girl from Playa Cofi Jukebox
Smells like Nirvana (S517b,d)
From: ThatVideoSite.com on 12/11/06
11 Year Old Yodeller (S508d)
Today's The Day (S508d in Cowboy2)
From: edapsmas on 10/16/2006
Mozart's Opera Banned In Germany (S507)
From: edapsmas on 9/26/2006
Picture from CheapTickets.com
What A Wonderful World - PPS (S496b)
Subj: The Music Teacher (S492b)
From: igiggle on 6/26/2006
Because of professional commitments, my wife stayed in
Maryland for a year after I took a teaching job in South
Carolina. Some of my ninth-grade music-appreciation
students, however, had difficulty understanding our
separation. One day, while I was playing a Beethoven
symphony for them, a girl asked, "Do you listen to that
kind of music at home?"
When I answered that I did, another
student muttered, "No
wonder his wife won't live with him." ~~Reader's Digest
Beatles Quiz (S480c)
From: Dr. Quiz
Are You Lonesome Tonight?
...........(Senior Citizen Ver.) (S482c)
...........From: darrell94590 on 4/13/06
JUST THINK, ELVIS WOULD BE 70 THIS YEAR!.
If Elvis had lived longer, he
possibly would have re-written,
"Are You Lonesome Tonight," here's how it might have turned
out. Turn up speakers and sing along!
To listen, click on the source
above, or on my web site by
16 Century Walkman (S470b)
Pavarotti Loves Elephants
by Joel Veitch (S469b,d in Elephant)
From: Giggles and Grins on 1/16/2006
Wizards of Winter (S463b,d in Christmas3)
Freaking Brothers Piano Duet (S442b,d)
Subj: Violinist Jokes (S361b)
From Instrument Jokes on 12/29/03
Q: How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Q: How many second violinists
does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can't get up that high!
Subj: CD Settlement Money (S310)
From: agrief on 1/8/2003
I have NEVER forwarded one of these things along before.
But I guess there's a first time for everything, because
according to snopes.com
this is true, and I consider them a reliable source. So
check it out for yourself.
How to get your twenty dollars. Read below
and read the article about the $20.00 rebate as part of a
settlement with the record companies.
Thanks for the twenty dollars
Abe. I too went to
www.snopes2.com and did a search for CD Settlement. The
article came up as legitimate, but you must apply by
March 3 of this year.
Subj: Real Short Music Jokes
Among the music catalogues that Michael Jackson owns
the rights to is the South Carolina State anthem.
Who was John Lennon's first girl
John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.
What's unique about the Beatle's
song "Eleanor Rigby"?
The Beatles did not play a single note in the song.
Four musicians and a drummer walk into a bar.....
Bach had 22 kids because he had no stops on his organ.
I'm tired of all this sax and violins on public television.
"I'm told that Wagner's music is not as bad as it sounds."
-- Mark Twain.
For more Twain quotes see 'Twain on Government' in POLITICAL2.
Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio.
Johnny says to his mom: I want
to be a drummer when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
A band director avoided being
struck by lightning even
though he stayed on his aluminum ladder in a thunderstorm.
(Seems he wasn't a good conductor.)
We took a collection for our
band director's funeral
asking $50 from community leaders. We got $100 with
a note to bury two of them.
Told to turn on his amp, the
stroked it slowly while saying, "I love you."
A guitarist was so Baroque, he
robbed a music store and
ran off with the lute. His percussionist friend took a
drum and beat it.
A guitarist named Alex Opornockity
played a whole concert
with a flat 'B' string. It seems Opornockity only tunes once.
Three guitarists collaborated
on a book of scales.
Each contributed one he knew.
June the harpist and Sam the
trombonist went out to a
discotheque. Sam's car wouldn't lock, but Sam knew the
owner, so they locked their instruments in his office.
Having too much to drink, they went back to rehearsal
without their instruments. June told the conductor, "I
left my harp in Sam's friend's disco." [if you don't
get it, think Tony Bennett]
These jokes are so bad, I can't
Handel them. They make
me Lizstless. They can be too Mendlesohm. You'd better
go out Bach and stay in Haydn.
Not being on birth control, the
soprano tells the sax player
to pull out, to which he replies, "Why, am I sharp?"
The airplane Buddy Holly died
in was the "American Pie."
(Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)
The band Duran Duran got their
name from an astronaut in
the 1968 Jane Fonda movie "Barbarella."
White Out was invented by the
mother of Mike Nesmith
(Formerly of the Monkees)
From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97
A musician calls the symphony office to talk to conductor --
is told he is dead -- calls back 25 times -- same message from
receptionist -- receptionist asks why he keeps calling -- "I
just like to hear you say it."
From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97
A musician is surprised to see Toscannini in heaven. Peter
tells him it's God, but he thinks he's Toscannini.
From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #260 - Quickies!
on 98-07-18 (S77)
If Mama Cass had shared her sandwich with Karen Carpenter
they'd both be alive today.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 1/4/2001
A man left his bagpipes in the back seat with the window
rolled down. Realizing his mistake after only a few blocks,
he hurried back - but it was too late! Someone had ALREADY
left another set of bagpipes next to the first...
How many lead-singers does it
take to change a light bulb?
Only one - she just holds the bulb over her head, and
the universe revolves around her!
What's the difference between
a snake and a trombone player,
both dead in the road?
The snake MIGHT have been on it's way to a paying gig...
How do you know it's a drummer
who's at your door?
The knocking speeds up, and slows down, and speeds up, and...
In the Amazon, why should you
only be afraid when the drums
That means the guitar solo is gonna start...
Did you hear about the bass-player
who locked himself out
of his convertible, with the top down?
The drummer had to break a window to get out...
Why do bagpipers walk as they
To get away from the sound...
And from Trevor:
How does a folk band know when
the stage is level?
Cuz the accordion player is drooling out of BOTH sides
of his mouth.
From: flovilla on 3/1/2001 (S224)
Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
From: KMACINTY on 7/11/2001 (S232)
I don't usually pass on sad news like this, but sometimes
we need to pause and remember what life is all about.
There was a great loss recently
in the entertainment
world. Larry LaPrise, the Detroit native who wrote the
song "Hokey Pokey" died last week at 83. It was
especially difficult for the family to keep him in the
casket. They'd put his left leg in and.....well, you
know the rest.
From: RFSlick on 8/25/2001 (S239)
I discovered that I scream the same way, whether I'm about
to be devoured by a great white, or if a piece of seaweed
touches my foot. -- Axl Rose
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/22/2002 (S286b)
Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
-- Jimi Hendrix
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/6/2002 (S288b)
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
-- Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971)
From: LABLaughs.com on 9/19/2002 (S294b)
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
From: LABLaughs.com on 10/30/2002 (S300b)
I don't know anything about music. In my line you
don't have to. -- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
From: LABLaughs.com on 11/21/2002 (S303b)
We do not sing because we are happy,
we are happy because we sing.
-- William James
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/14/2003
You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed
if you don't try! -- Beverly Sills
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/23/2006 (S379b)
"I do not like country music, but I do not denigrate anyone
who does. For those people that do like country music,
denigrate means put down. -- Bob Newhart
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 6/1/2003 (S488b)
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
-- Britney Spears
Two quotes from famed violinist, Jascha
From: edapsmas on 2/6/2008
"No matter what side of an argument you're on,
you always find some people on your side that
wish you were on the other side."
"I occasionally play works by
for two reasons. First to discourage the composer
from writing any more and secondly to remind myself
how much I appreciate Beethoven."
.............................Jimmy Hendrix from Smiley_Central