Subj:     Physics3 Jokes
                 (Includes 65 jokes, 27 1128n,21,cL2f,wXT4a7a,16)

Magnet from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Baldo Comic Strip (S1095)
.........................Big Bang Quotes And Videos (S801)
.........................A Party of Famous Physicists (S359b)
.........................TED-Ed - Questions No One Knows The Answers To - Vid (S799)
.........................Archimedes' Principle, A Physics Poem (S236)
.........................TED: Clifford Stroll's Amazing Talk - Video (S768)
.........................Candorville Sunday Comic Strip (S1025)
.........................Are You A Physicist?
.........................Does Neil Tyson Think We Are Alone? - Video (S730)
.........................Laws And Formulas
.........................The Making of Stonehenge - Video (S447)
.........................The Physicists' Bill of Rights
.........................Sinusiodal Vs Harmonic Motion - GIFs (S611b)
.........................Physics Bumper Stickers
.........................Camouflage Jacket - Video (S536)
.........................Physics Quotes Not By Einstein (S73)
                         Short Physics Jokes
..............................The Higgs Boson Walks Into A Church (S808)
..............................The Higgs Boson Explained In A Drawing (S808)
..............................Shoe Sunday Comic Strip (S727)
..............................Rising Tone Vs. Sand - Video (S697b)
..............................Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S645)
..............................Two Physics Puzzles (S573c)
..............................Online Conversion (S384b)
..............................Swimming Pool Puzzle (S563)
..............................Two Spheres Puzzle (S513)
..............................Physics Cartoons (S360)
..............................The Monkey and The Rope (S483c)
..............................How Many Physicists To Change A Light Bulb? (S359)
..............................Balloon In A Car (S481c)
..............................Physics Web Site (S261)
..............................Calvin And Hobbes
..............................Popsicle Stick Riddle (S821)

PHYSICS1 contains things that are almost jokes
PHYSICS2 contains sort of jokes
PHYSICS3 contains oddities and short jokes
Subj:     Baldo Comic Strip (S1095)
          by Hector D. Cantu and Carlos Castellanos
 Source: www.gocomics.com/baldo/2018/01/09
Subj:    Big Bang Quotes And Videos
         From: RDobry
.........in 2012 (S801,cf,md4,2d)
 Source1: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Bang_Theory
 Source2: www.today.msnbc.msn.com/id/33523728/ns/today-

 The Big Bang Theory (2006- Present)is an American
 television show featuring the escapades of four
 scientifically brilliant but socially inept friends
 and their female friend who has more common sense
 then all four combined.  The Big Bang Theory uses
 geek culture to fuel comic situations involving comic
 book collecting, science-fiction trivia, and overall
 geeky social ineptitude.

 "The Big Bang Theory" is jokey and stupid yet smart
 and witty, and no character embodies all of that
 more than Sheldon.  Sheldon Cooper is narcissistic,
socially awkward, childish, hurtful, naive,
irascible, selfish, rude, and irrepressible.
He is also extremely popular with viewers
Drawing from DeviantArt.com
 and even lovable.  As "The Big Bang Theory" character
 has said, "This would be one of those circumstances
 that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers
 would call a coincidence."

 Click  to read several witty, silly jokes,

 click  to see several cute videos from the show.


For more Big Bang see 'Sheldon Cooper Plays Catan' in GAMES
..............and see 'Big Bang Theory Flash Mob' in MOVIES2-SUPP.

Subj:     A Party of Famous Physicists (S359b)
          From: rwtmpkns on 12/17/2003

 One day, all of the world's famous physicists decided to
 get together for a tea luncheon.  Fortunately, the doorman
 was a grad student, and able to observe some of the guests...

Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept
    moving around at a constant velocity and showed no reaction.
Einstein thought it was a relatively good time.
Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing.
Cavendish wasn't invited, but he had the balls
    to show up anyway.
Cauchy, being the only mathematician there, still managed
    to integrate well with everyone.
Thompson enjoyed the plum pudding.
Pauli came late, but was mostly excluded from things,
    so he split.
Pascal was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.
Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere's opinions
    on current events.
Hamilton went to the buffet tables exactly once.
Volt thought the social had a lot of potential.
Hilbert was pretty spaced out for most of it.
Heisenberg may or may not have been there.
The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time.
van der Waals forced himeself to mingle.
Wien radiated a colourful personality.
Millikan dropped his Italian oil dressing.
de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.
Hollerith liked the hole idea.
Stefan and Boltzman got into some hot debates.
Everyone was attracted to Tesla's magnetic personality.
Compton was a little scatter-brained at times.
Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache.
Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker.
Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.
Faraday had quite a capacity for food.
Oppenheimer got bombed.

Subj:     TED-Ed - Questions No One
.............Knows The Answers To
          in 2012 (S799d-iFrame)
 Source1: www.youtube.com/embed/7SWvDHvWXok
 Source2: www.wimp.com/questionsanswers/

 In the first of a new TED-Ed series designed to catalyze
 curiosity, TED Curator Chris Anderson shares his boyhood
 obsession with quirky questions that seem to have no answers.
 Animated by Andrew Park (http://www.cognitivemedia.co.uk).

 This video discusses questions such as the following:
How many universes are there?
Why can't we see evidence of alien life?

 Click 'HERE' to see this great, thought provoking video.

 TED-Ed hopes everyone will be a lifelong learner through
TED-Ed's Lessons Worth Sharing.  its
mission is to capture and amplify the
voices of great educators around the
world.  We do this by pairing extra-
ordinary educators with talented
animators to produce a new library of
Drawing from SoulPancake.com
 curiosity-igniting videos.

Subj:     Archimedes' Principle, A Physics Poem (S236)
          From: Science Jokes and From: bredmile
 Source: www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/

 Came across this at school, early 1950s.  Funny how some
 things stick!

                        ARCHIMEDES' PRINCIPLE

 Students of physics are frequently told
 Of experiments performed by great physicists of old
 Like Boyles and Charles -- but greatest of these
 Was the Principle discovered by Archimedes.

 The Sicilian King, Archimedes was told,
 Ordered a crown from a large lump of gold,
 And though the weight of the gold was completely correct,
 The goldsmith's eye made the King suspect
 That he'd made up the weight with some cheaper metal
 And stolen some gold, that his debts he might settle.
 His problem was then of outstanding immensity
 As he had no idea, whatsoever, of density.

 Climbing into a bath he received a surprise
 When he noticed the water beginning to rise.
 He suddenly snapped, and let out a scream,
 As he realized, with joy, his long-wished-for dream.

 He found the up thrust, produced on a body's base*,
 To be equal in weight to the water displaced,
 And soon volumes and weights would make it quite plain
 What various metals the crown could contain,
 And so he could easily show to his Royalty
 The absolute proof of the goldsmith's disloyalty.

 Leaping out of the bath at remarkable rate,
 He made for the palace by doorway and gate --
 But the men in the street were completely confounded
 To see a naked man shout "Eureka!  I've found it!"

 * Is this the only error?  The up thrust is not on the
 base, but at the Center of Pressure.

Subj:     TED: Clifford Stroll's
.............Amazing Talk
          in 2011 (S768d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/Gj8IA6xOpSk

 Clifford Stoll could talk about the atmosphere of Jupiter.
 Or hunting KGB hackers.  Or Klein bottles, computers in
 classrooms, the future.  But he's not going to.  Which is
 fine, because it would be criminal to confine a man with
 interests as multifarious as Stoll's to give a talk on
 any one topic.  Instead, he simply captivates his audience
 with a wildly energetic sprinkling of anecdotes, observations,
 asides -- and even a science experiment.  After all, by
 his own definition, he's a scientist: "Once I do something,
 I want to do something else."

 Click 'HERE' to see this fabulous, amazing talk at TED
 in Monterey, CA on Feb. 2006.

Subj:     Candorville Sunday Comic Strip (S1025)
          By Darrin Bell on 9/4/2016
 Source: www.gocomics.com/candorville/2016/09/04
Subj:     Are You A Physicist?
          From: OXyMoron Humour Archive on 07/01/97

 Due to the enormous workload involved in physics classes
 combined with stress and lack of sleep, physics students
 often forget (either by accident, defence mechanism, or
 intentionally) what their degree really is.  Thus, as
 a physics student, I took it upon myself to create a small
 list of indicators to help us all remember what we really

 You might be a Physics Student...

 if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.

 if you enjoy pain.

 if you know vector calculus but you can't remember
    how to do long division.

 if you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."

 if you've actually used every single function
    on your graphing calculator.

 if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics student.

 if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are
    working on a computer.

 if you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."

 if you always do homework on Friday nights.

 if you know how to integrate a chicken and
    can take the derivative of water.

 if you think in "maths."

 if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

 if you hesitate to look at something because
    you don't want to break down its wave function.

 if you have a pet named after a scientist.

 if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

 if the Humane Society has you arrested because you actually
    performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.

 if you can translate English into Binary.

 if you can't remember what's behind the door in the
    science building which says "Exit."

 if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of
    summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.

 if you are completely addicted to caffeine.

 if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to
    contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

 if you consider ANY non-science course "easy."

 if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you
    claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so
    precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be
    anywhere in the universe.

 if the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated
    from lack of use.

 if you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere"
    in order to make the maths easier.

 if you understood more than five of these indicators.

 if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.

 If these indicators apply to you, there is good reason to
    suspect that you might be a physics student.  I hope this
    clears up any confusion.

Subj:     Does Neil Tyson Think We Are Alone?
          From: Wimp.com (S730d-On Site)
..........in 2011 (in Biology)
 Source: www.wimp.com/universealone/

 This seven minute video/lecture by Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson,
 host of Novascience Now, is one segment of a one hour,
 twenty-eight minute presentation called "Cosmic Quandaries
 with Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson" held at St. Petersburg College.
 This video answers the question, "Does Neil Tyson think we
 are alone in the universe?"  Click 'HERE' to see this
 illuminating video.

Subj:     Laws And Formulas

 Three Laws of Thermodynamics (paraphrased):

 First Law:  You can't get anything without working for it.
 Second Law: The most you can accomplish by work is to break even.
 Third Law:  You can't break even.

From: 74222.2372
 Ginsberg's Theorem (The modern statement of the three
 laws of thermodynamics)
 1. You can't win.
 2. You can't even break even.
 3. You can't get out of the game.

 The perversity of the universe tends towards a maximum.
 "Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's Theorem:
 "Every majoy philosophy that attempts to make life seem
     meaningful is based on the negation of one part
     of Ginsberg's Theorem.
 To wit:
 "1.  Capitalism is based on the assumption that
      you can win.
 "2.  Socialism  is based on the assumption that
      you can break even.
 "3.  Mysticism  is based on the assmuption that
      you can quit the game."

 What is "pi"?
 Mathematician: Pi is the number expressing the relationship
    between the circumference of a circle and its diameter.
 Physicist: Pi is 3.1415927 plus or minus 0.00000005
 Engineer: Pi is about 3.

Subj:     The Making of Stonehenge
          in 2005 (in Movies)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/uYQBDhkBfr0

 This retired construction worker shows us how Stonehenge
 could be built by one man without pulleys or levers.  You
 can view it by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     The Physicists' Bill of Rights
          From: American Physics Society
 Source: (Removed from aps.org/apsnews/articles)

 We hold these postulates to be intuitively obvious, that
 all physicists are born equal, to a first approximation,
 and are endowed by their creator with certain discrete
 privileges, among them a mean rest life, n degrees of
 freedom, and the following rights, which are invariant
 under all linear transformations:

 I. To approximate all problems to ideal cases.

 II. To use order of magnitude calculations whenever deemed
     necessary (i.e., whenever one can get away with it).

 III. To use the rigorous method of "squinting" for solving
     problems more complex than the additions of positive
     real integers.

 IV. To dismiss all functions which diverge as "nasty"
     and "unphysical".

 V. To invoke the uncertainty principle whenever confronted
    by confused mathematicians, chemists, engineers,
    psychologists, dramatists, and andere schweinhund.

 VI. To the extensive use of "bastard notations" where
    conventional mathematics will not work.

 VII. To justify shaky reasoning on the basis that it gives
    the right answer.

 VIII. To cleverly choose convenient initial conditions,
    using the principle of general triviality.

 IX. To use plausible arguments in place of proofs, and
    thenceforth refer to those arguments as proofs.

 X. To take on faith any principle which seems right
    but cannot be proved.

 Copyright 1995, The American Physical Society.
 The APS encourages the redistribution of the materials
 included in this newsletter provided that attribution
 to the source is noted, the materials are not truncated
 or changed.

Subj:     Sinusoidal Vs Harmonic Motion
          From: tom on 9/24/2008 (S611b)

 Can you explain the difference between sinusoidal and
 harmonic Motion?  To see this visual expanation, click

Subj:     Physics Bumper Stickers
          From: joeshmoe

 (List of Taglines)
 Plasma is another matter.
 Interstellar Matter is a Gas
 It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim!
 "The faster you go, the shorter you are" - Einstein
 A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
 All that glitters has a high refractive index.
 Black Holes are Out of Sight
 Black Holes were created when God divided by zero!
 Black holes really suck...
 The Universe is a big place... perhaps the biggest
 The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry!
 Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
 Friction can be a drag sometimes.
 Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
 Gravity:  Not just a good idea...it's the LAW.
 How many weeks are there in a light year?
 Jet Engine Theory -Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow!
 Power corrupts, but we need electricity.
 Resistance Is Useless!   (If [ 1 ohm)
 Supernovae are a Blast

 Scientists do it experimentally.
 Scientists do it with plenty of research.
 Scientists discovered it.
 Graduates do it by degrees.
 Professors do it by the book.
 Professors do it with class.
 Professors forget to do it.
 Research professors do it only if they get grants.
 Researchers are still looking for it.
 Researchers do it with control.

Subj:     Camouflage Jacket
          From: MentalBay.com
..........in 2007 (S536d-iFrame)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/vEm4EY4IWTI

 The invisible jacket is pretty cool.  You can view
 this video by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Physics Quotes Not By Einstein (S73)

 Einstein quotations are in MATH5.

 All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
    -- E. Rutherford

 Physics is not a religion.  If it were, we'd have
 a much easier time raising money. -Leon Lederman

 What is mind?  No matter.
 What is matter?  Never mind.  - Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875

 "Truth decays into beauty, while beauty soon becomes merely charm.
 Charm ends up as strangeness, and even that doesn't last, but up
 and down are forever." - The Laws of Physics

 John Andrew Holmes: "It is well to remember that the entire
 universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others."

 Max Frisch: "Technology is a way of organizing the universe
 so that man doesn't have to experience it."

 Kilgore Trout: "The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest."

 Ray Bradbury: "We are an impossibility in an impossible universe."

 Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson): "The surest sign that
 intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that
 it has never tried to contact us."

 I had a professor who said that "physicists have a knack for
 jumping into mathematical cesspools and coming out smelling
 like a rose"  From: johncobb@uts.cc.utexas.edu (John W. Cobb)

 Overheard after a student failed a physics test miserably:
 Nuclear, Hydrogen, Atomic, My test-  They can all be bombs.

 --- Black Holes are where God is dividing by zero ---
 From: dnichols

 We have learned that matter is weird stuff.  It is weird
 enough, so that it does not limit God's freedom to make
 it do what he pleases.  --  Dyson, Freeman J., Ch. 1,
 p. 8, _Infinite in All Directions: Gifford lectures given
 at Aberdeen, Scotland, April-November 1985_; edited by
 the author (Harper ? Row, New York, 1988).

 "Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action
 and reaction and the need to have something better than a
 vacuum against which to react.  He seems to lack the basic
 knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."  -- 1921 New
 York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary
 rocket work.

 A theory is something nobody believes, except the person
 who made it.  An experiment is something everybody believes,
 except the person who made it.

 If it moves it is biology, if it stinks it is chemistry
 and if it does not work it is physics.

From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
 With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three
 thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the
 constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who
 continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress.
                              -- Ransom K. Ferm

From: LABLaughs.com on 9/16/2002 (S294b)
 Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   -- Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon on why his
      works on celestial mechanics make no mention of God.

From: LABLaughs.com on 10/1/2002 (S296b)
 We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy
 enough?  -- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)

From: LABLaughs.com on 6/2/2003 (S331b)
 If I have seen more than others, it is because I was
 standing on the shoulders of giants.  -- Sir Isaac Newton

 I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself,
 I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore
 and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother
 pebble or prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great
 ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.
 -- Sir Isaac Newton (in Quotes1)

Subj:     Short Physics Jokes

Subj:     The Higgs Boson
.............Walks Into A Church
          in 2012 (S808)
 Source: (Removed from DigitalVegetarian.com)
 Click 'HERE' to read this cute joke in a drawing.

Subj:     The Higgs Boson Explained In A Drawing
          From: Denise Cullen
          on Facebook in 2012 (S808)
 Source: GenevaIrishPubs.com
 Click 'HERE' to see this cute drawing's explanation of the Higgs Boson field.

Subj:     Shoe Sunday Comic Strip
          By Cassatt and Brookins
..........in 2010 (S727)
 Source: www.gocomics.com/shoe/2010/12/05

 This Shoe comic strip about physics is one of the funniest
 things I have seen on the internet this year.  Click 'HERE'
 to see it.

Subj:     Rising Tone Vs. Sand (S697b)
          From: Wimp.com in 2010 (d-iFrame)
Bat drawing from YouTube.com
 Source1: www.youtube.com/embed/GtiSCBXbHAg
 Source2: www.wimp.com/risingtone/
 AKA -A Cymatic Experiment
 A simple experiment demonstrating the visualisation of
 cymatics can be done by sprinkling sand on a metal plate
 and vibrating the plate, for example by drawing a violin
 bow along the edge, the sand will then form itself into
 standing wave patterns such as simple concentric circles.
 The higher the frequency, the more complex the shapes
 produced, with certain shapes having similarities to
 traditional mandala designs.
 Click 'HERE' to see these pretty, standing, sand waves.

Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon
          By Bob Thaves
..........in 2009 (S645)
 Source: www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2009/05/18
 Click 'HERE' to enjoy a little subatomic particle humor.

Subj:     Two Physics Puzzles (S573c)
          From: Puzzles And Brain Teasers on 1/10/2008
Bat drawing from Rockham County Public Schools
 Source: (Removed from apuzzlezone.com/adailypuzzle)

 1. If a solid piece of iron shaped as a doughnut was placed
    under extreme heat, what would the hole in the middle do?

 2. Is balancing a baseball bat vertically on your hand
    easier with the larger end at the top or with the
    smaller end at the top?

 The solution can be found on my site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Online Conversion (S384b)
          From: igiggle on 6/6/2004
 Converts from one unit of measure to any similar unit.
 Convert just about anything to anything else.  Over
 5,000 units, and 50,000 conversions. View online at
 - www.onlineconversion.com/

Subj:     Swimming Pool Puzzle
          in 11/02/2007 (S563)
 At: (Removed from apuzzlezone.com)
Coin drawing from
 An inflatable boat is floating in a swimming pool.
 Which will raise the water level higher:
      Throwing a coin into the boat?
      Throwing a coin into the water?

 The solution can be found by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Two Spheres Puzzle (S513)
          From: MathForm.org on 4/8/2006
Sphere picture from Yahoo! Images
 Source: (Removed by brainyplanet.com)
 Two spheres are the same size and weight, but one is hollow.
 They are each made of uniform material, though of course not
 the same material.  With a minimum of apparatus, how can I
 tell which is hollow?

Subj:     Physics Cartoons (S360)
          From: rwtmpkns on 12/17/2003
 Bob, thank you for sending me the location of these 13
 great Physics cartoons. Click 'Here' to see them.

Subj:     The Monkey and The Rope (S483c)
          From: From: MathForm.org
          on 4/28/2006 
Monkey on Rope from
Yahoo Images
 Source: www.mathforum.org/rec_puzzles_archive/physics
.........(Clicking on the source, downloads a file)
 Hanging over a pulley there is a rope, with a weight at one
 end.  At the other end hangs a monkey of equal weight.  What
 happens if the monkey starts to ascend the rope?  Assume that
 the mass of the rope and pulley are negligible, and the pulley
 is frictionless. .

Subj:     How Many Physicists To Change A Light Bulb? (S359)
          From: Homepage of Andreas Handle on 12/18/03
 How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
 Eleven. One to do it and ten to co-author the paper.

 How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
 Only one, but 600 applied for the job.

 How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb ?
 They can't. If they know where the socket is, they cannot locate the new bulb

 How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
 None, astronomers prefer the dark.

 How many radio astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
 None. They are not interested in that short wave stuff.

 How many general relativists does it take to change a light bulb?
 Two. One holds the bulb, while the other rotates the universe.

Subj:     Balloon In A Car (S481c)
          From: MathForm.org on 4/8/2006
Balloon Drawing from Andrew Hill International
 Source: www.mathforum.org/rec_puzzles_archive/physics
.........(Clicking on the source, downloads a file)
 A helium-filled balloon is tied to the floor of a car that
 makes a sharp right turn.  Does the balloon tilt while the
 turn is made?  If so, which way?  The windows are closed so
 there is no connection with the outside air. 

Subj:     Physics Web Site (S261)
          From: gheckman on 1/29/2002
 I subscribe to "Science News".  For $54.50, each week I get
 news magazine of short articles on all thats new in science.
 I like it a lot, and will probably continue to subscribe.

 Gayle sent the web site address http://physicsweb.org/.
 The site is called 'PhysicsWeb'.  It provides the reader
 with the latest news in physics, job opportunities in
 physics and resources. The articles come from 'Physics
 World'.  Every time I turn around someone turns me on
 to some other amazing web site.  Thanks Gayle.

Subj:     Calvin And Hobbes
          From: ossama on 98-05-12
 Calvin's (c) Dad's (D) "scientific" explanations.

 C: Dad, will you explain the theory of relativity to me?
    I don't understand why time goes slower at greater speed.
 D: It's because you keep changing time zones. See, if you
    fly to California, you gain three hours on a five-hour
    flight, right?  So if you go at the speed of light, you
    gain MORE time, because it doesn't take as long to get
    there.  Of course, the theory of relativity only works
    if you're going west.

 What is the most frequently asked questions by the following
 after they graduate :
 1) Engineer : How do I do it?
 2) Economist : How much will it cost?
 3) Mathematician/Physicist : Would you like some ketchup
    with it?

Subj:     Popsicle Stick Riddle (S821 in Police-Supp2)
          From: Unilever
................Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632
 Source: www.Popsicle.com.
............Click 'HERE' to see all 22 riddles.

 Each unit on the Richter Scale is equivalent to a power
 factor of about 32.  So a 6 is 32 times more powerful than
 a 5!  Though it goes to 10, 9 is estimated to be the point
 of total tetonic destruction (2 is the smallest that can
 be felt unaided.)

 Sir Isaac Newton was an ordained priest in the Church of England.

 Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.

 A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

 The little bags of netting for gas lanterns (called 'mantles')
 are radioactive--so much so that they will set off an alarm
 at a nuclear reactor.

 There once was a fellow named Blight
 Whose speed was much faster than light.
 He sat off one day
 In a relative way
 and returned on the previous night.

 We've heard of that fellow named Blight,
 And his trip on that fabulous night,
 But his increasing mass
 Would have soon proved so vast
 He'd have been a most *singular* sight!

 According to the late R. P. Feynman, an easy rule for telling
 which was is up is the following: point the index finger
 of your right hand in the direction of motion of the bus, and
 the thumb in the direction of motion of exiting passengers.
 The middle finger will point *up*.

 In Britain, use the left hand.

 The Stanford Linear Accelerator Center was known as SLAC,
 until the big earthquake, when it became known as SPLAC.
 SPLAC?  Stanford Piecewise Linear Accelerator.

 Historians have concluded that W.Heisenberg must have been
 contemplating his love life when he discovered the Uncertainty
 -When he had the time,he didn't have the energy and,
 -When the moment was right,he couldn't figure out the position...

 The Heineken Uncertainty Principle:
 You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.

 The high energy density variations of vacuum
 are mainly produced within brains.

 A physics joke:
 "Energy equals milk chocolate square"

 Entropy isn't what it used to be...

 Polymer physicists are into chains.

 Brownian motion = Jogging girl scout

 Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.

 Anything that won't sell, I don't want to invent.  Its
 sale is proof of utility and utility is success.
 --  Thomas Edison (in Quotes1)

From: LABLaughsClean on 12/6/2006 (S517b)
 "If we did all the things we were capable of doing, we
  would literally astound ourselves. "
    -- Thomas Edison, inventor, businessman (1847-1931)

From: vcarlew on 97-09-27
 Two atoms smashed into each other while travelling at high
 speed.  The first atom got up and said to the second atom.
 "Hey are you all right?"
 The second atom said "No I'm not.  I think I lost an electron!"
 The first atom said "Lost an electron?  Are you sure?"
 The second atom said "Yes, I'm positive."

From: cohen#il on 97-12-12 (S160)
 OK, so what's the speed of dark?
 Black holes are where God divided by zero.

From: auntieg on 98-02-12 (S226)
 A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How
 much for a beer?"
 The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

From: ICohen on5/29/2001 (S226)
 Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to
 each other.  One says to the other, "Are you all right?"
 "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

From: grs on 98-04-05
 If your in a vehicle going the speed of light.
 What happens when you turn on the headlights?

From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
 I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
 A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #115 on 98-05-10
 There's no future in time travel.

 Black holes are where God divided by zero.

 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11 (S157)
 and From: RFSlick on 01/29/2000
 Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #263 on 98-08-01
 I was always taught the laws of Physics applied to all
 situations, regardless of the circumstances.  How is it
 then that the girls with the most streamlined shapes
 offer the most resistance?

From: ossama on 98-08-12
 In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

From: ossama on 99-01-27
 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW!

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 12/12/2001 (S254)
 "Sound really does travel slower than light.  The advice
 parents give to their 18-year-olds doesn't reach them
 until they're about 40."  -- Unknown.

From: LABLaughs.com on 9/1/2002 (S292b)
 There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe,
 and it has a longer shelf life.  -- Frank Zappa

From: vaterbenicia on 5/21/2006 (S487b)
 Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/28/2006 (S506b)
 "Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical
  results, but that's not why we do it."  -- Richard Feynman

From: jbcary1 on 2/2/2007 (S525b)
 Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

 Q: What is more useful: the sun or the moon?
 A: The moon, because the moon shines at night when
    you want the light, whereas the sun shines
    during the day when you don't need it.

 Q: Why did the cat fall off the roof?
 A: Because he lost his mu.  (mew=sound cats make,
    mu=coeff of friction)

 Q: How does Santa deliver presents all over the world
    on Christmas Eve?
 A: With Rudolf the red-shift reindeer.

 Q: What do physicist enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
 A: The 'wave'.

 Q: What is uttered by a sick duck?
 A: Quark!

 Q: What is an astronomical unit?
 A: One helluva big apartment

 Q: How many kinds of physicists are there?
 A: Three.  Those who can count and those who can't.

 Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
 A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission!
    What do you use for bait?"

                           -(o o)-
............................From Smiley_Central