Subj: Psych-Counseling (Gz)
(Includes 60 jokes and articles)
Click "Here" for Psych-Supp
Alien Psychology from
Millanimations
| >>>
Subj: Psych-Counseling (Gz) (Includes 60 jokes and articles) Click "Here" for Psych-Supp |
|
Alien Psychology from Millanimations |
Also see BREASTS file - 'Male
Hypnotic Tools'
BROTHERS file- 'Two
Brothers At Christmas'
CHRISTMAS1 - 'Pyschological
Christmas Carols'
COMPUTER-SUPP- 'Why
You Forward Jokes'
DOCTOR1 file - 'Two
Doctors Open Small Town Practice'
......................-
'Doctor
Helps Couple's Sex Life'
ELDERLY1 - 'Elderly
Couple Has Sex In Front Of Doctor'
FACTS4 file - 'Phobia
Trivia...'
GERMANY file - 'Hypnotic
Freedom'
HUNTING-CMPNG- 'Three
Hunters Caught In A Snowstorm'
JOBS-SUPP - 'Hung
Chow Too Sick To Work'
JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'How
To Get Days Off Work'
......................-
'The
Lost Dr. Seuss Poem'
.........KIDS4
file - 'Lifesaver
Study'
MARRIAGE1 - 'Psychiatrist
Helps Shy Man'
MARRIAGE3 - 'Man
And Wife Are Having Two Problems'
MARRIAGE5 - 'Couple
See Marriage Counselor'
MATH1 file - 'The Number
"Seven"'
OTHER-ANIMALS- 'Professional
Competency Test'
......................-
'Two
Penguins - Animated GIF'
PHONE file - 'Answering
Machine At Mental Hospital'
SANTA file - 'In The
Wrong Job'
SEX3 file - 'Firing
A Starter Gun During Sex'
......................-
'Different
Types Of Sex - LOUD SEX:'
SHIT file - 'The
Hypnotist'
TENNIS file - 'Tennis Mind
Reading'
TESTS1 file - 'Intriguing
Intelligence Test'
TESTS2 file - 'Tibetan
Personality Test'
......................-
'Are
You In The 98% Test?'
......................-
'Good
Short Test'
THO-LEARN-SP2- 'Stress
Management'
THOUGHTS-SLLY- 'Feeling
Stressed?'
TREE file - 'The
Tree Picture Test'
TRUCK-BUS - 'Zimbabwea
Bus Driver Stops At Bar'
for PSYCHIC
file - (see GHOSTS file)
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Classic Peanuts By Charles Schultz (S589)
From: WashingtonPost on 4/27/2008 |
 |
You can view this Classic Peanuts
comic strip about
psychology on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Dr Phil's
Test..... (S456)
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/17/2005
Here you go . try this. Below
is Dr Phil's test. (Dr. Phil
scored 55; he did this test
on Oprah - she was a 38.) Some
folks pay a lot of money to
find out this stuff. Read on,
this is very interesting!
Don't be overly sensitive! The
following is pretty accurate
and only takes 2 minutes. Take
this test yourself and then
send it to your friends.
Don't peek but begin the test as
you scroll down and answer.
Answers are for who you are now
...... not in the past. Have
pen or pencil and paper ready.
This is a real test given by
the Human Relations Dept. at
many major corporations today.
It helps give them better
insight concerning their employees
and prospective hires.
It's only 10 simple questions,
so keep track of your letter
answers to each question.
1. When do you feel your best?
a) in the
morning
b) during
the afternoon and early evening
c) late at
night
2. You usually walk...
a) fairly
fast, with long steps
b) fairly
fast, with little steps
c) less fast
head up, looking the world in the face
d) less fast,
head down
e) very slowly
3. When talking to people you...
a) stand
with your arms folded
b) have your
hands clasped
c) have one
or both your hands on your hips
d) touch
or push the person to whom you are talking
e) play with
your ear, touch your chin,
or smooth your hair
4. When relaxing, you sit with..
a) your knees
bent with your legs neatly side by side
b) your legs
crossed
c) your legs
stretched out or straight
d) one leg
curled under you
5. Something is really amusing;
you react with...
a) big appreciative
laugh
b) a laugh,
but not a loud one
c) a quiet
chuckle
d) a sheepish
smile
6. When going to a party or
social gathering you...
a) make a
loud entrance so everyone notices you
b) make a
quiet entrance, looking around for
someone you know
c) make the
quietest entrance, trying to stay
unnoticed
7. You're working very hard,
concentrating, and then
are interrupted...
do you:
a) welcome
the break
b) feel extremely
irritated
c) vary between
these two extremes
8. Which of the following colors
do you like most?
a) Red or
orange
b) black
c) yellow
or light blue
d) green
e) dark blue
or purple
f) white
g) brown
or gray
9. When in bed at night, in
those last few moments
before going
to sleep, you are....
a) stretched
out on your back
b) stretched
out face down on your stomach
c) on your
side, slightly curled
d) with your
head on one arm
e) with your
head under the covers
10. You often dream that you
are...
a) falling
b) fighting
or struggling
c) searching
for something or somebody
d) flying
or floating
e) usually
not dreaming
f)having
pleasant dreams
POINTS:
1. A2 B4
C6
2. A6 B4
C7 D2 E1
3. A6 B2
C5 D7 E6
4. A4 B6
C2 D1
5. A6 B4
C3 D5 E2
6. A6 B4
C2
7. A6 B2
C4
8. A6 B7
C5 D4 E3 F2 G1
9. A7 B6
C4 D2 E1
10. A4 B2 C3 D5
E6 F1
Now add up your total.
OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you
as someone they should
"handle with care." You're seen
as vain, self-centered,
and extremely dominant. Others
may admire you, wishing
they could be more like you,
but don't always trust you,
hesitating to become too deeply
involved with you.
51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you
as an exciting, highly
volatile, rather impulsive personality;
a natural leader,
who's quick to make decisions,
though not always the
right ones. They see you as
bold and adventuresome,
someone who will try anything
once; someone who takes
chances and enjoys an adventure.
They enjoy being in
your company because of the
excitement you radiate.
41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you
as fresh, lively,
charming, amusing, practical,
and always interesting;
someone who's constantly in
the center of attention,
but sufficiently well-balanced
not to let it go to your
head. They also see you as kind,
considerate, and
understanding; someone who'll
always cheer them up and
help them out.
31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you
as sensible, cautious,
careful & practical. They
see you as clever, gifted,
or talented, but modest. Not
a person who makes friends
too quickly or easily, but someone
who's extremely loyal
to friends you do make and who
expect the same loyalty
in return. Those who really
get to know you realize it
takes a lot to shake your trust
in your friends, but
equally that it takes you a
long time to get over if
that trust is ever broken.
21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends
see you as painstaking
and fussy; very cautious, extremely
careful, a slow
and steady plodder. It would
really surprise them if
you ever did something impulsively
or on the spur of
the moment, expecting you to
examine everything
carefully from every angle and
then usually decide
against it. They think this
reaction is caused partly
by your careful nature.
UNDER 21 POINTS: People think
you are shy, nervous,
and indecisive, someone who
needs looking after, who
always wants someone else to
make the decisions &
who doesn't want to get involved
with anyone or
anything! They see you as a
worrier who always sees
problems that don't exist. Some
people think you're
boring. Only those who know
you well know that you
aren't.
\\\//
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Subj: Girl
Visits Psychiatrist (S398b)
From: JokesUncut - 24 August 2004
GIRL: I have done a great sin.
I called a boy a B*S#^RD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's
not a nice thing to call
anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like
this?
GIRL: .. Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no
reason to call him a B*S#^RD..
GIRL: But, he put his hand in
my bra.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like
this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no
reason to call him a B*S#^RD..
GIRL: But, he took my clothes
off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like
this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no
reason to call him a B*S#^RD..
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like
this?
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no
reason to call him a B*S#^RD..
GIRL: But, he told me he has
AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: THAT B*S#^RD.!
\\\//
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Subj: Psychological
Test (S331, S530)
From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003
and
From: darrell94590 on 3/17/2007
This is a genuine psychological test.
It is a story about a girl.
While at the funeral of her
own mother, she met this guy
whom she did not know. She
thought this guy was amazing,
so much the dream guy she
was searching for that she fell
in love with him right
then and there but never asked
for his name or number and
afterward could not find anyone
who knew who he was. A
few days later the girl killed
her own sister.
Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?
Give this some thought for a
while before you scroll down.
DON'T CHEAT!
Answer: She was hoping that the
guy would appear at the
funeral again.
If you answered this correctly,
you think like a psychopath.
This was a test by a famous
American psychologist used to
test if one has the same mentality
as a killer. Many
arrested serial killers took
part in this test and answered
it correctly. If you didn't
answer correctly - good for
you. (If you got the answer
correct, please let me know so
I can take you off my e-mail
list......unless that will
tick you off, then I'll just
be extra nice to you from now
on.... )
HOPE YOU ALL FLUNKED THIS TEST!!!!!!!!!!!
\\\//
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Subj: Insane
Asylum Exit Test (S318)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/3/2003
Jon and Dave were in a mental
institution. This place had
an annual contest, picking two
of the best patients and
giving them two questions.
If they got them correct,
they're deemed cured and free
to go.
Jon was called into the doctor's
office first and asked if
he understood that he'd be free
if he answered the questions
correctly. The doctor
said, "Jon, what would happen if I
poked out one of your eyes?"
Jon said, "I'd be half blind."
"That's correct. What if I
poked out both of your eyes?"
"I'd be completely blind."
The doctor got up, shook his
hand and told him he was free.
On Jon's way out, as the doctor
filled out the paperwork,
Jon mentioned the exam to Dave.
He told him what questions
were going to be asked, and
told him the answers. Dave was
called in. The doctor
went through the formalities and
asked, "What would happen if
I cut off one of your ears?"
Dave, remembering what Jon said
was the correct answer, he
said, "I'd be half blind."
The doctor looked a little
puzzled, but went on. "What
if I cut off both of your
ears?" "I'd be completely
blind." Dave answered. "Dave,
can you explain how you'd be
blind?" "My hat would fall
over my eyes."
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Take Personality Test (S309)
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/2/2003
A psychology student was to help
a professor in conducting
a personality test. The room
was set up with various props
in order to move through the
assessment quickly. The first
person to enter the room started
through the test.
"How does this glass of water look to you?"
Person 1: It is half empty.
Student writes 'pessimist' in his report.
Person 2 enters the room. "How
does this glass of water
look to you?"
Person 2: It is half full.
Student writes 'optimist' in his report.
Person 3 enters the room. "How
does this glass of water
look to you?"
Person 3: Looks like you have
twice as much glass as
you need there.
The student looks totally blank
and goes to consult with
the professor. "Oh them!",
the professor says, "I forgot
to warn you about the engineers!
They have no personality."
\\\//
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Subj: The
Psychiatrist And The Hostess (S231b)
From: thebartend on 6/28/2001
A noted psychiatrist was a guest
speaker at a large gathering,
and his blonde hostess naturally
broached a subject of which
the doctor was most at ease.
"Would you mind telling me,
Doctor," she asked, "how you
detect a mental deficiency in
somebody who appears completely
normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied.
"You ask a simple question
which anyone should answer with
no trouble. If he or she
hesitates, that puts you on
the track."
"What sort of question?" asked the hostess.
"Well, you might ask her or him,
'Captain Cook made three
trips around the world and died
during one of them. Which
one?'"
The woman thought for a moment,
then said with a nervous
laugh, "You wouldn't happen
to have another example would
you? I must confess I don't
know much about history."
\\\//
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Subj: Oreo
Personality Test (S223)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 5/4/2001
Psychologists have discovered
that the manner in which
people eat Oreo cookies provides
great insight into their
personalities. Choose
which method best describes your
favorite method of eating Oreos:
1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time.
3. Slow and methodical nibbles
examining the results
of each bite
afterwards.
4. In little feverous nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk,
coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside,
then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside,
and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the
inside.
9. I just like to lick them,
not eat them.
10. I don't have a favorite
way because I don't like Oreo.
Your Personality:
1. The whole thing. This means
you consume life with
abandon, you are
fun to be with, exciting, carefree
with some hint
of recklessness. You are totally
irresponsible.
No one should trust you with their
children.
2. One bite at a time. You are
lucky to be one of the
5.4 billion other
people who eat their Oreos this very
same way.
Just like them, you lack imagination, but
that's okay, not
to worry, you're normal.
3. Slow and methodical. You
follow the rules. You're
very tidy and orderly.
You're very meticulous in every
detail with every
thing you do to the point of being
anal retentive
and irritating to others. Stay out of
the fast lane if
you're only going to go the speed limit.
4. Feverous nibbles. Your boss
likes you because you get
your work done
quickly. You always have a million
things to do and
never enough time to do them. Mental
breakdowns and
suicides run in your family. Valium and
Ritalin would do
you good.
5. Dunked. Every one likes
you because you are always up
beat. You
like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences
and rationalize
bad situations into good ones. You are
in total denial
about the shambles you call a life.
You have a propensity
towards narcotic addiction.
6. Twisted apart, the inside,
and then the cookie. You
have a highly curious
nature. You take pleasure in
breaking things
apart to find out how they work, though
not always able
to put them back together, so you
destroy all the
evidence of your activities. You deny
your involvement
when things go wrong. You are a
compulsive liar
and exhibit deviant, if not criminal,
behavior.
7. Twisted apart, the inside,
and then toss the cookie.
You are good at
business and take risk that pay off.
You take what you
want and throw the rest away. You
are greedy, selfish,
mean, and lack feelings for others.
You should be ashamed
of yourself. But that's ok, you
don't care, you
got yours.
8. Just the cookie, not the
inside. You enjoy pain.
9. I just like to lick them,
not eat them. Stay away from
small furry animals
and seek professional medical help
- immediately.
10. I don't have a favorite way, I
don't like Oreo cookies.
You probably come
from a rich family, and like to wear
nice things, and
go to up-scale restaurants. You are
particular and
fussy about the things you buy, own, and
wear. Things
have to be just right. You like to be
pampered.
You are a prim.
\\\//
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Subj: Learning
Memory Tricks (S167)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 4/13/00
Two elderly couples were enjoying
friendly conversation
when one of the men asked the
other, "Fred, how was the
memory clinic you went to last
month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied.
"They taught us all the latest
psychological techniques: visualization,
association, etc.
It was great."
"That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought
and thought, but couldn't
remember. Then a smile
broke across his face and he asked,
"What do you call that flower
with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!"
He turned to his wife, "Rose,
what was the name of that
memory clinic?"
\\\//
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Subj: Psychiatrist
Discuss Four Mother's Obsessions (S156, S329)
From: thebartend on 01/27/2000
and
From: CKButch4Femme on 5/19/2003
The psychiatrist was holding
a group consultation with
three young mothers and their
small children.
"You all have obsessions," he told them.
To the first one, he said, "Your
obsession is eating. Why
you've even named your daughter
Candy."
The second, he said, was obsessed
by money. "Again, it
manifests itself in your child's
name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom, Joyce:
"Your obsession is alcohol.
This too manifests itself in
your child's name, Brandy".
At this point, the fourth mother,
Kathy, gets up, takes her
little boy by the hand and whispers.
"Come on, Dick, we're
leaving."
\\\//
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Subj: How
You See Yourself - Picture (S400b)
From: DafterLafter - 16 August 2004
At: http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200407/050.htm
 |
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Nuts At The Insane Asylum (S367b)
From: JBCARY1 on 2/3/2004
Jim and Edna were both patients
in a mental hospital. One
day while they were walking
past the hospital swimming pool
Jim suddenly jumped into the
deep end. He sank to the
bottom of the pool and stayed
there. Edna promptly jumped
in to save him. She swam
to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became
aware of Edna's heroic act
he immediately ordered her to
be discharged from the hospital
as he now considered her to
be mentally stable. He went to
Edna to tell the news and said,
"Edna, I have good news and
bad news. The good news
is you're being discharged since you
were able to rationally respond
to a crisis by jumping in and
saving the life of another patient.
I have concluded that
your act displays that you have
a sound mind. The bad news
is Jim, the patient you saved,
hanged himself with his bath-
robe belt in the bathroom.
I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Nuts At The Insane Asylum (S291)
Contributed by Josh Hiller
While making his rounds in the
New York City Insane Asylum,
an intern happened upon one
of the residents bent over with
his hands in a flower pot.
Quite loudly, the resident yelled,
"Down....Set.....Hike!
Hike!" He proceeded to throw an
imaginary football to an imaginary
receiver, who ran for an
imaginary touchdown. Asking
the resident what was going
on, he calmly replied, "I'm
practicing for when I get outta
here; I'm going to be
a quarterback in the NFL and lead my
team to the Super Bowl!"
The intern noted that the resident
was making progress and proceeded
to the next room.
In the next room he came upon
a resident dribbling an
imaginary basketball, faking
out an imaginary defender, and
scoring, shouting, "He shoots,
he scores!" The intern once
again approached the resident,
inquiring about what was going
on. "When I get out of
here, I'm going to the NBA and
leading my team to the Finals!"
The intern, smiling, noted
once again that his patient
was making progress, and continued
on to the next room.
In this room he came upon a resident
sitting on his bed, next
to a five gallon trashcan filled
to the brim with peanuts.
As the intern moved closer,
he noted the resident was grabbing
a handful of peanuts and masturbating.
After several
repetitions of the unusual masturbation
technique, the intern
proceeded to ask the resident
what he was doing.
"Say, I've visited two rooms
before you and they're both
making progress. One's
going to the NFL, and the other one's
going to the NBA. What
in the hell are you doing?"
The resident sharply replied,
"Man, I'm fucking nuts! I
ain't never getting out of here!"
\\\//
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Subj: Marriage
Counselor (S108, S461)
From: JOELFALLON on 99-02-18
After just a few years of marriage,
filled with constant
arguments, a young man and his
wife decided the only way
to save their marriage was to
try counseling. They had
been at each other's throat
for some time and felt that
this was their last straw. When
they arrived at the
counselor's office, the counselor
jumped right in and
opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be the problem?"
Immediately, the husband
held his long face down without
anything to say. On the
other hand, the wife began talking
90 miles an hour
describing all the wrongs within
their marriage. After
5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening
to the wife, the
counselor went over to her,
picked her up by her shoulders,
kissed her passionately for
several minutes, and sat her
back down. Afterwards, the wife
sat there speechless.
He looked over at the husband
who was staring in disbelief
at what had happened.
The counselor spoke to the husband,
"Your wife NEEDS that at least
three times a week! Can
you do that?"
The husband thinks for a moment
and replies, "Well, I can
get her here Monday and Wednesday,
but Friday I play golf.
\\\//
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Subj: Obsession
With Sex (S303)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #94 on 98-04-16
and
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 11/19/2002
A man goes to a psychiatrist,
and tells him, "Doc, I think
I have an obsession with sex."
The doctor agrees to examine
him and begins by showing him
various drawings. First the
doctor draws a square and asks
the man to identify it. The
man immediately says, "OMIGOSH!!
Four people having sex!!!!".
Next the doctor draws a circle,
at which the man gasps, and
says, "One man having sex."
Thirdly, the doctor draws a triangle,
which, of course, the
patient identifies as, "two
woman and one man having sex".
The doctor puts the drawings
away and says to the patient,
"Yes, I do believe that you
have an obsession with sex."
To which the man replies, "ME?????
YOU'RE the one drawing
all the dirty pictures!"
\\\//
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Subj: Dumpster
Experiment
From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98
I heard a funny story the other
week which I thought that
you might enjoy -- it is a true
story. Some of the psycho-
logy students at the university
decided to set up an
experiment. They left
a dumpster in a [city] street and
put some desirable items in
it -- the idea was to see how
many people would just help
themselves to the contents.
They set up a camera to film
the results. Later on my
friend's brother, Seth and his
friend, Paul (I've changed
their names) walked past.
Seth saw something in the
dumpster which he wanted, so
he walked up to the house
that the dumpster outside and
asked if he could have the
item. The student said
yes he could, but could he creep
up to the dumpster and act as
if he was stealing it, as
they were filming this for a
class experiment. Seth said
no way! He has a reputation
to consider and didn't want
to be on film "stealing" from
a dumpster -- and anyway he
had asked permission to take
the item. The student said
that if he wanted the item,
that is what he would have to
do. Seth walked off in disgust
and without the item. Seth
and Paul got to thinking and
being practical jokers them-
selves decided to get back in
kind. They got a sack and
put armholes into it, then Seth
climbed into the sack,
putting his arms through the
holes so that it was obvious
that a body was inside.
Then Paul slung Seth over his
shoulder, crept furtively up
to the dumpster, looked
suspiciously up and down the
road, then threw the "body"
in and ran away.
Seth lay there for a while, then
sat up slowly like a
corpse in a horror film, climbed
out of the dumpster,
waved to the camera and walked
away. Unfortunately, the
students panicked when they
saw the "body" thrown in the
dumpster and called the police.
When Seth and Paul came
back to play another trick (they
had a sack each this
time and were planning to jump
up to the dumpster like
kangaroos, look at the stuff
inside, shake their heads
at it, then jump off again)
they found the police
searching through the dumpster
for a body, so they
decided to quietly walk away.
The whole thing was caught
on film and used in a local
TV program. The host of the
show was doubled up with laughter
when she saw it.
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Crazy Patients
A doctor of psychology was doing
his normal morning rounds
when he entered a patient's
room. He found Patient #1
sitting on the floor, pretending
to saw a piece of wood in
half. Patient #2 was hanging
from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number
1 what he was doing. The
patient replied, "Can't you
see I'm sawing this piece of
wood in half!?" The doctor
enquired of Patient #1 what
Patient #2 was doing.
Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my
friend, but he's a little crazy.
He thinks he's a light-
bulb." The doctor looks
up and notices Patient #2's face
is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If
he's your friend, shouldn't
you get him down from there
before he hurts himself?"
Patient #1 replies, "What?! And work in the dark?!"
\\\//
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Subj: Psychology
Experiment At A Bar
From: Vegas Jokes Archive on 06/27/97
A very shy guy goes into a bar
and sees a beautiful woman
sitting at the bar. After
an hour of gathering up his
courage he finally goes over
to her and asks, tentatively,
"Um, would you mind if I chatted
with you for a while?"
To which she responds by yelling,
at the top of her lungs,
"No, I won't sleep with you
tonight!" Everyone in the bar
is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly
and completely embarrassed and
he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman
walks over to him and
apologizes. She smiles
at him and says, "I'm sorry if I
embarrassed you. You see,
I'm a graduate student in
psychology and I'm studying
how people respond to
embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the
top of his lungs, "What do you
mean $200?"
\\\//
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========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Woman
Has Sex Problems (S29, S466b)
From: TheBartend on 97-08-14 and 12/22/2005
A woman went to her psychiatrist
because she was having
severe problems with her sex
life. The psychiatrist asked
her many questions but did not
seem to be getting a clear
picture of her problems.
Finally he asked, "Do you ever
watch your husband's face
while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I did once."
"Well, how did he look?"
"Very angry."
At this point the psychiatrist
felt that he was really
getting somewhere and he said,
"Well that's very
interesting, we must look into
this further. Now tell me,
you say that you have only seen
your husband's face once
during sex; that seems somewhat
unusual; how did it occur
that you saw his face that time?"
"He was looking through the window at us."
\\\//
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Subj: Psychology
Quotes
Top
Subj: The
Hypothalamus (S358)
From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
and
From: zzarry on 12/7/2003
The hypothalamus is one of the
most important parts of the
brain, involved in many kinds
of motivation, among other
functions. The hypothalamus
controls the "Four F's":
1. fighting; 2. fleeing;
3. feeding; and 4. mating.
-- Psychology professor
in neuropsychology intro course
A Freudian slip is when you say
one thing but mean your
mother.
From: Daemonic Funnies Page on 12/1/97
A great many people think they
are thinking when they are
merely rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/27/2002 (S287b)
One of the symptoms of an approaching
nervous breakdown
is the belief that one's work
is terribly important.
-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Psychology Jokes
 |
Subj:
Big Red Button (S465b)
From: DoctorDebt on 12/18/2005 |
| Subj:
Find The Head Test (S447)
From: LABLaughsClean20050810 on 8/10/2005 |
 |
According to medical experiments:
If you can find the Man's
Head within 3 seconds, your
right brain is more developed
than normal people. If you can
find the Man's Head within 1
minute, your right brain is
developed normally. If you can
find the Man's Head within 1-3
minutes, your right brain is
slow in reacting, you should
eat more meat protein. If you
can't find the Man's Head in
3 minutes or more, your right
brain is a disaster... extremely
slow in reacting, eat way
more protein and try some Ginkgo
Biloba. AND, YES THERE
REALLY IS A MAN'S HEAD IN THERE.
You can take the test at
the source above, or on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.
 |
Subj:
Color And I Test(S409b)
From: JokesUncut on 11/17/2004 |
| Subj:
Psychic Quiz (S383)
From: mrx on 5/20/2004 |
 |
Top
Subj: Color
Quiz (S380)
From: igiggle on 5/6/2004
Gives you a psychological analysis
based on color preferences.
My results were amazingly accurate,
almost too accurate.
- http://www.colorquiz.com/
Top
Subj: Psychic
Web Site (S316)
From: gibbz on 2/18/2003
Try and figure out this one,
I can't
http://www.cyberglass.co.uk/assets/Flash/psychic.swf
Steve
Solution:
I did it six times
45-9=36, 80-8=72, 75-12=63,
22-4=18, 51-6=45, and 11-2=9
Now go back to the web site
and look again at 36 and 72 and
63 and 18 and 45. They
all have the same picture each time.
Top
Subj: Patient
Studied By Two Students (S261b)
From: trumpetz on 1/30/2002
A psychiatrist is doing rounds
in his asylum with a couple
of students. They look
in on one patient and the psych-
iatrist says to his students,
"Sometimes, this fellow
thinks he's a temptress in a
Bizet opera, but today, as
you can see from his goose stepping,
he thinks he's the
World War II head of the Nazi
Luftwaffe. What condition
do you think he's suffering
from?"
The first student replies, "Is
he a paranoid schizophrenic
with a multiple personality
disorder?"
The second student says, "No,
I think he just doesn't know
whether he's Carmen or Goering."
Top
Subj: Men
In Psych Study (S250)
From: jerry on 11/12/2001
And I always thought that caffeine
was my drug of choice!
''These guys look like rodents bar-pressing for cocaine.''
Comment made by an MIT researcher
after discovering,
using brain scans, that heterosexual
men's reaction to
seeing a beautiful women is
similar to that of a drug
addict getting a fix.
And when these men were shown
random pictures of women
for several seconds where they
could extend or cut the
viewing time by pressing keys,
attractive women were
viewed an average of 8.7
seconds while others were
viewed for 5.2 seconds. Men
worked frantically to keep
the attractive woman's pictures
up longer, pressing the
keys an average of 6,700 times
in 40 minutes.
From the journal Neuron via Ananova
9-Nov-01
Top
Subj: Man
Is Worried About His Dream (S218)
From: RFSlick on 4/5/2001
A guy walks into a psychiatrist's
office with a concerned
look on his face. "Doc,"
he says, "I'm worried. It's
that dream. I'm having
it again!"
"What dream?" asked the psychiatrist.
"You know," says the man, "the
one where I'm into sadism
and bestiality and necrophilia.
Should I be worried,...
or am I just beating a dead
horse?"
Top
Subj: A Kid,
A Dog, & A Psychologist (S211)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 2/17/2001
My best lesson in child psychology
came when I saw our
five-year-old, Steven, roughly
jerking our poodle's
leash. Suddenly his fuming
father appeared and asked,
"Do you want to tell me how
sorry you are?"
"I don't know how much you saw!" Steven
stammered.
Top
Subj: Guy
Thinks He Is A Teepee (S169)
From: RFSlick on 4/22/00
A guy goes to a psychiatrist.
"Doc, I keep having these
alternating recurring dreams.
First I'm a teepee; then
I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee;
then I'm a wigwam. It
is driving me crazy. What's
wrong with me?"
The doctor replies: "It's very
simple. You're two tents."
What a distressing contrast there
is between the radiant
intelligence of the child and
the feeble mentality of the
average adult. -- Sigmund
Freud (in Quotes1)
Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #59 on 98-03-09
I may be schizophrenic, but
at least I'll always have
each other.
Never trust a proctologist with
both hands
on your shoulders.
From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
It IS as bad as you think, and
they ARE out to get you.
Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
From: humorlist-digest V2 #116 on 98-05-11
When I'm not in my right mind,
my left mind
gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
From: humorlist-digest V3 #25 on 99-01-27
Does the name Pavlov ring a
bell?
From: RFSlick on 3/10/2001 (S215)
I read somewhere that 77 per
cent of all the mentally
ill live in poverty. Actually,
I'm more intrigued by
the 23 per cent who are apparently
doing quite well for
themselves." -- Jerry
Garcia (Grateful Dead)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/11/2001
(S245)
"Part of the happiness of life
consists not in fighting
battles but in avoiding them.
A masterly retreat is in
itself a victory." --
Norman Vincent Peale
From: dogbyte on 10/25/2001 (S247)
Therapy is expensive.
Poppin' bubble wrap is cheap.
The choice is yours!
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 12/31/2001
(S257)
"Dreaming permits each and every
one of us to be
quietly and safely insane every
night of our lives."
-- William Dement
From: dogbyte on 1/23/2002 (S260)
Ever notice that the word "therapist"
breaks down into
"the rapist"? Simple coincidence?
( I Think NOT! )
From: CatScratch on 2/17/2002 (S264)
Insanity is hereditary.
You get it from your kids!
From: dogbyte on 3/25/2002 (S270c)
Only two of my personalities
are schizophrenic, but one
of them is paranoid and the
other one is out to get him.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/20/2002
(S270c)
A good listener is usually thinking
about something
else. -- Kin Hubbard
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/9/2002 (S280b)
All are lunatics, but he who
can analyze his delusion is
called a philosopher.
-- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/25/2002 (S291b)
It is much more comfortable
to be mad and know it, than
to be sane and have one's doubts.
-- G. B. Burgin
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/15/2002
(S294b)
The statistics on sanity are
that one out of every four
Americans are suffering from
some form of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends.
If they're okay, then
it's you." -- Rita Mae
Brown.
From: dogbyte on 10/29/2002 (S300b)
A guy walks into the psychiatrist
wearing nothing but a
pair of shorts made from plastic
wrap. The psychiatrist
says, "Well,... I can clearly
see you're nuts!"
From: LABLaughs.com on 11/5/2002 (S301b)
Show me a sane man and I will
cure him for you.
-- Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/29/2005 (S418b
- tho-lea-supp)
"Change has a considerable psychological
impact on the
human mind. To the fearful
it is threatening because
it means that things may get
worse. To the hopeful it
is encouraging because things
may get better. To the
confident it is inspiring because
the challenge exists
to make things better. "
-- King Whitney Jr.
From: igiggle on 6/16/2003 (S333b)
Is there such a thing as a closet
claustrophobic?
From: My neighbor Lee on 12/21/01 (S255)
Q: What Christmas Carol was
sung by the schizoid?
A: It begins 'Do you know who
I know'.
From: igiggle on 1/2/2004 (S362b)
Q: What happened when the psychologist
taught his dog
to eat when a bell rang?
A: The dog ate the Avon lady.
\\\//
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 |
Smiley at the Shrink from
Smiley_Central |