Subj: School-Supp Jokes (dGz)
(Includes 48 jokes and articles)
Dummy from
Degsworld
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Subj: School-Supp Jokes (dGz) (Includes 48 jokes and articles) |
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Dummy from Degsworld |
SCHOOL1 and 2 contains jokes
SCHOOL3 contains jokes and short jokes
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| Subj:
Did You Know (S526b)
From: darrell94590 on 2/17/2007 Source: http://www.scottmcleod.org/didyouknow.wmv |
 |
This 6,100 KB movie presents
an amazing amount of information
so quickly that you feel overwhelmed,
the first time you see
it. You can view it at
the source above, or on my web site
by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: What
Teachers Make (S526)
From: edapsmas on 2/20/2007
The dinner guests were sitting
around the table discussing
life, the media, and today's
favorite topic, education.
One man, a CEO, decided to explain
the problem with education.
He argued, "What's a kid going
to learn from someone who
decided his best option in life
was to become a teacher?"
He reminded the other dinner
guests what they say about
teachers: "Those who can, do.
Those who can't, teach."
To stress his point he said to
another guest; "You're a
teacher, Bonnie. Be honest.
What do you make?"
Bonnie, who had a reputation
for honesty and frankness
replied, "You want to know what
I make? (She paused for a
second, then began...) "Well,
I make kids work harder than
they ever thought they could.
I make a C+ feel like the Congressional
Medal of Honor. I
make kids sit through 40 minutes
of class time when their
parents can't make them sit
for 5 without an I Pod, Game
Cube or movie rental.. You want
to know what I make?"
(She paused again and looked
at each and every person at
the table.)
I make kids wonder. I make
them question. I make them
criticize. I make them
apologize and mean it. I make them
have respect and take responsibility
for their actions. I
teach them to write and then
I make them write. I make
them read, read, read!
I make them show all their work in
math. I make my students
from other countries learn every-
thing they need to know in English
while trying to preserve
their unique cultural identity.
I make my classroom a place
where all my students feel safe.
I make my students stand
to say the Pledge of Allegiance
to the Flag, because we live
in the United States of America.
And I make them understand
that if they use the gifts they
were given, work hard, and
follow their hearts, they can
succeed in life.
(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)
"Then, when people try to judge
me by what I make, I can
hold my head up high and pay
no attention because they are
ignorant... You want to know
what I make?
I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. By the way Mark, what do you make?"
\\\//
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Subj: Shakespear
In Elementary School (S507)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/5/2006
Two little boys in first grade
were chosen to be the leads
in their first school play.
It was to be Shakespearean play.
The first little boy was to
say, "My fair maiden...I have
come to snatch a kiss and fill
your soul with hope." The
second little boy was to reply
by saying, "Hark, a pistol
shot!"
Well, on opening night in the
school auditorium, the two
little boys were a bit nervous,
knowing that all the seats
were going to be filled with
grown-ups. The teacher told
them to take their places on
the stage and to remember to
speak very loud as soon as the
curtain goes up. The
curtain rose and looking out
upon the audience the two
boys were terrified. They
stood there frozen. So the
teacher whispered for them to
begin.
The first boy yelled out these
unforgettable words..."My
fair maiden!. . .I have come
to kiss your snatch and fill
your hole with soap."
The second boy screams out..."Hark!
A shistol pot, a
postle shiss, a pot of shit,
horse shit, bull shit...I never
wanted to be in this lousy play
anyway..."
The audience left howling.
\\\//
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Subj: Teacher
Reads Chicken Little Story (S477)
From: vaterbenicia on 3/13/2006
One day the first grade teacher
was reading the story of
Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the
story where Chicken Little tried
to warn the farmer. She
read, ".... and so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer
and said, "The sky is falling,
the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked
the class, "And what do you
think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand
and said, "I think he said:
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
\\\//
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Subj: Interview
With A Teaching Prospect (S410)
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/25/2004
After being interviewed by the
school administration, the
eager teaching prospect said:
"Let me see if I've got this
right. "You want me to go into
that room with all those kids
and fill their every waking
moment with a love for learning.
And I'm supposed to instill
a sense of pride in their ethnicity,
modify their disruptive
behavior, observe them for signs
of abuse and even censor
their T-shirt messages and dress
habits.
"You want me to wage a war on
drugs and sexually transmitted
diseases, check their backpacks
for weapons of mass destruction,
and raise their self-esteem.
"You want me to teach them patriotism,
good citizenship, sports-
manship, and fair play, how
and where to register to vote, how
to balance a checkbook, and
how to apply for a job.
"I am to check their heads for
lice, maintain a safe environment,
recognize signs of antisocial
behavior, offer advice, write
letters of recommendation for
student employment and scholarships,
encourage respect for their
elders and future employers.
"And I am to communicate regularly
with the parents by letter,
telephone, newsletter, and report
card.
"All of this I am to do with
just a piece of chalk, a computer, a
few books, a bulletin board,
and a big smile AND on a starting
salary that qualifies my family
for food stamps!
"You want me to do all of this, and you expect me NOT TO PRAY?"
\\\//
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Subj: Kissing
And Telling At School (S408)
From: JokesUncut - 11 November 2004
Last week was parent-teacher
conference week. Thank God my
children haven't become the
clock tower snipers you would
imagine them to be with a mother
like theirs. I swear, if
it weren't for me the whole
family would be messed up and
misguided. Anyway, my
six-year-old daughter tells us as
we're leaving the house to meet
her teacher, that Antoine
has been chasing her and her
friend around the playground
trying to kiss them, and she's
afraid she's going to get
in trouble.
"Did you let him kiss you?" my wife asked.
"No, we ran away and told the teacher."
"That's good, Sweetie," my wife
said. "The most important
word a girl must learn how to
say is no. Don't ever feel
you have to do ANYTHING you
don't want to do just to make
someone else happy, okay?"
"Okay, Mommy," she smiled.
"Honey," I said to my wife, "do
we really want her running
and snitching every time a six-year-old
boy tries to kiss her?"
My wife's dirty look was cut off when my daughter interrupted us.
"Antoine is not a six-year-old boy, Daddy. He's the janitor."
\\\//
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Subj: Man
Meets Perky Young Lady (S401b)
From: JokesUncut - 13 July 2004
A man exiting a grocery store
was very surprised when a
rather good-looking and perky
young lady greeted him
cheerfully by saying, "Good
evening!" Her face was beaming.
At least she was smiling until
he gave her that "Who are
you?" look. He couldn't
remember having ever seen her
before. Then she obviously
realized that a mistake had
been made and apologized.
She explained, "Oh, I'm so
sorry. When I first saw you
I thought you were the father
of one of my children."
She walked on her way into the
store. The man was left
staring dumbfounded after her.
More than a bit puzzled,
he thought to himself, "What
is the world coming to, an
attractive woman who doesn't
even keep track of what the
father of her children look
like."
However, he was also a bit flattered
that he might resemble
one of her former suitors, but
also hoped that nobody
overheard her saying that she
mistook him for being the
father of one of her children.
A bit panicked, he then thought,
"Could I possibly have
forgotten a relationship?"
"Could it be that I really fathered a child?"
Still stunned, he walked to his car.
He still did not realize, of course, that....
She was a second grade teacher.
Version Two
Subj: Blonde
Waves In Supermarket (S464)
From: auntiegah on 12/12/2005
A guy goes to a supermarket and
notices a beautiful blonde
wave at him and say hello.
He's rather taken back, because
he can't place where he knows
her from. So he asks, "Do
you know me?”
To which she replies, "I think
you're the father of one of
my children."
Now he thinks back to the ONLY
time he's ever been unfaithful,
and says "My GOD! Are
you the stripper from my bachelor party
that I laid on the pool table
with all my buddies watching,
while your partner whipped my
ass with wet celery and then
stuck a carrot up my butt?".
She said, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
\\\//
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Subj: Private
California Schools Errors (S399)
From: BoneheadOfTheDayAward 10-Aug-04
A chain of private California
schools have been found to be
teaching immigrants that there
are 53 states in the US (instead
of 50), that there are four
branches of government (instead of
three), that Congress has two
houses; one for the Republicans
and the other for the Democrats
and that Puerto Rico is the
53rd state. The assets
of California Alternative High School
have thus been seized.
The students, mainly Latino,
were paying between $450 and $1,450
for a 10-week course and were
given a 54-page book riddled with
errors. The school has
78 locations nationwide.
The Independent (South Africa) 7-Aug-04
\\\//
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Subj: Helping
A Student Learn To Pronounce 'R' (S386b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/16/2004
A young schoolboy was having
a hard time pronouncing the
letter ''R,'' and all the other
kids were, of course,
teasing him about it. To help
him out, the teacher gave
him a sentence to practice at
home: ''Robert gave Richard
a rap in the ribs for roasting
the rabbit so rare.''
In class a few days later, the
teacher asked the boy to
recite the sentence out loud.
The boy nervously eyed his
classmates--many of them already
laughing at him--then
replied, ''Bob gave Dick a poke
in the side because the
bunny wasn't cooked enough.''
\\\//
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Subj: Neighbor
Follows Tim To School (S364b, S543b)
From: http://www.fartimer.com/shirley.shtm
on 1/19/04
and
From: gordonschuk on 6/6/2007
Timmy was a five-year-old boy.
His mother loved him very much.
A worrier, she was concerned
when he started kindergarten about
his walking to school.
She walked him to school for a couple
of days, but one day he told
his mother that he did not want
her walking him to school every
day. He wanted to be like the
"big boys."
She had an idea how to handle
it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs.
Goodnest, to follow her son
surreptitiously to school, at a
distance that he would not likely
notice, but close enough to
keep a watch on him. Mrs.
Goodnest said that since she was up
early with her toddler anyway,
it would be a good way for them
to get some exercise as well.
The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest
and her little girl Marcy
set out behind Timmy as he walked
to school with another boy.
She did this for the whole week.
As the boys walked and
chatted, kicking stones and
twigs, Timmy's friend noticed that
a lady was following them every
day all week.
Finally, he asked Timmy, "Have
you noticed that lady following
us? Do you know her?"
Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."
"Well, who is she?"
"That's Shirley Goodnest," Timmy said.
"Shirley Goodnest? Who
the heck is she, and why is she
following us?"
"Well," Timmy explained, "every
night my Mom makes me say the
23rd Psalm 'cuz she worries
about me so much. And the psalm
says, 'Shirley Goodnest and
Marcy shall follow me all the days
of my life,' so I guess I'll
just have to get used to it."
\\\//
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Subj: Bush
Visits School (S346b, S509)
From: RFSlick on 9/15/2003
and
From: auntiegah on 10/20/2006
George Bush goes to a primary
school to talk to the kids
to get a little PR. After
his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand
and George asks him his name.
"Stanley," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Stanley?"
"I have 4 questions:
First, why did the USA invade
Iraq without the support
of the UN?
Second, why are you President
when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to
Osama Bin Laden?"
Fourth, why are we so worried
about gay-marriage when 1/2
of all Americans
don't have health insurance?"
Just then, the bell rings for
recess. George Bush informs
the kiddies that they will continue
after recess.
When they resume George says,
"OK, where were we? Oh, that's
right, question time.
Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his
hand. George points him out
and asks him his name.
"Steve," he responds.
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"Actually, I have 6 questions:
First, why did the USA invade
Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President
when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to
Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why are we so worried
about gay marriage when 1/2
of all Americans
don't have health insurance?
Fifth, why did the recess bell
go off 20 minutes early?
And sixth, what the heck happened
to Stanley?"
\\\//
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Subj: Harry
Wants To Jump To 3rd Grade (S341)
From: pns on 8/7/2003
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks,
was having trouble with
one of her students. The teacher
asked, "Harry, what's your
problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart
for the 1st grade. My sister
is in the 3rd grade and I'm
smarter than she is! I think I
should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She
took Harry to the principal's
office. While Harry waited
in the outer office, the teacher
explained to the principal what
the situation was. The
principal told Ms. Brooks he
would give the boy a test. If
he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back
to the 1st grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the
conditions were explained to
him and he agreed to take the
test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question
the principal thought a
3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks
and tells her, "I think
Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal,
"Let me ask him some
questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a
cow have four of that I have
only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your
pants that you have but I do
not have?"
The principal wondered, why
would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog
do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with
a C, ends with a T, is hairy,
oval, delicious and contains
thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with
his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard
and pink then comes out soft
and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened
really wide and before he could
stop the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man
do standing up, a woman do
sitting down and a dog do on
three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts
with an 'F' and ends in'K'
that means a lot of heat and
excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh
of relief and told the
teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade,
I got the last seven
questions wrong."
\\\//
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Subj: Pre-School
Test (S463)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 12/7/2005
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C19981018
Pre-school children were asked
the following question:
"In which direction is the bus
pictured below traveling?"
 |
Look carefully at the picture.
Do you know the answer?
The only possible answers are "left" and "right."
x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x
The pre-schoolers all answered
"left."
When asked, "Why do you think
the bus is traveling in the left
direction?" they answered: "Because
you can't see the door."
Feel pretty silly now, don't you?
I know .. me, too.
\\\//
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Subj: The
Sneeze (S341b)
From: Imogenelumen on 8/2/2003
They walked in tandem, each of
the ninety-three students
filing into the already crowded
auditorium. With rich
maroon gowns flowing and the
traditional caps, they looked
almost as grown up as they felt.
Dads swallowed hard
behind broad smiles, and moms
freely brushed away tears.
This class would not pray during
the commencements -----
not by choice but because of
a recent court ruling
prohibiting it. The principal
and several students were
careful to stay within the guidelines
allowed by the
ruling. They gave inspirational
and challenging speeches,
but no one mentioned divine
guidance and no one asked for
blessings on the graduates or
their families.
The speeches were nice, but they
were routine.......until
the final speech received a
standing ovation. A solitary
student walked proudly to the
microphone. He stood still
and silent for just a moment,
and then he delivered his
speech. An astounding -- SNEEZE!
The rest of the students rose
immediately to their feet,
and in unison they said, "GOD
BLESS YOU." The audience
exploded into applause.
The graduating class found a
unique way to invoke God's blessing
on their future
with or without the court's
approval.
\\\//
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Subj: First
Grade Teacher Explains Politics (S312)
From: thebartend on 1/22/2003
A first grade teacher explained
to her class that she was
a liberal Democrat. She
then asked her students to raise
their hands if they were liberal
Democrats, too. Not
really knowing what a liberal
Democrat was, but wanting
to please their teacher, hands
exploded into the air like
fleshy fireworks.
There was, however, one exception.
A girl named Lucy had
not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asked Lucy
why she decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a liberal Democrat," Lucy said.
The teacher asked, "Then what are you?"
"I'm a proud conservative Republican" said the little girl.
The teacher, a little perturbed
and red-faced, asked Lucy
why she was A conservative Republican?
Lucy proclaimed, "Well, I was
brought up to trust in myself
and freedom, instead of relying
on an intrusive government
to care for me and do all of
my thinking. My Dad and Mom
are conservative Republicans,
and I am a conservative
Republican too."
The teacher calmly pointed out,
"That's no reason. What
if your Mom and Dad were both
morons? What would you be
then?"
Lucy answered, "Then, I'd be a liberal Democrat."
\\\//
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Subj: Man
In Hot Air Balloon Is Lost (S310)
From: tnkr on 1/11/2003
(Also see 'Man
In Hot Air Balloon Is Lost' in COMPUTERS3)
A man in a hot air balloon realized
he was lost. He reduced
altitude and spotted a woman
below. He descended a bit more
and shouted, "Excuse me, can
you help me? I promised a friend
I would meet him an hour ago,
but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're
in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above
the ground. You're between 40 and
41 degrees north latitude and
between 59 and 60 degrees west
longitude."
"You must be a teacher," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist,
"everything you told me is,
technically correct, but I've
no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is
I'm still lost. Frankly, you've
not been much help at all.
If anything, you've delayed my
trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be a School Administrator."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you
don't know where you are or where
you're going. You have
risen to where you are due to a large
quantity of hot air. You
made a promise, which you've no
idea how to keep, and you expect
people beneath you to solve
your problems. The fact
is you are in exactly the same
position you were in before
we met, but now, somehow, it's my
fault."
\\\//
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| Subj:
Little Johnny Learns About Electricity (S435b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/24/2005 . |
 |
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
Little Johnny stammered, "Why...er?"
The teacher smiled and said,
"Wire is right. Very good Little
Johnny.
Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?"
Little Johnny asked, "The what?"
His teacher was very pleased,
saying, "That's absolutely
correct-- the watt. Now, class,
you should all take the
time to study as diligently
as Little Johnny does."
\\\//
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|
|
Subj:
Little Johnny Uses 'Fascinate' (S408b)
From: JokesUncut on 11/12/2004 Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images |
The first one, Billy, came up
with an answer right away. He
said, "One of my hobbies is
painting, and no matter if I
paint with water colors, or
oils I always fascinate people
with my work."
The second, Shelly, said "My
grandfather was a magician,
and when ever he performed a
trick be it with cards, or
hoops, or magic balls he would
always fascinate us."
Little Johnny said, "I don't know if I can do that."
The teacher said, "Go ahead take
a couple of minutes then
give it your best."
Little Johnny thought for a while
then said, "I know this
gal, one time she went to the
store to buy a new blouse. The
blouse had ten buttons on it,
but when she went to button it
her boobs were so big that she
could only fasten eight."
\\\//
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| Subj:
Little Johnny Sees Two Dogs Mating (S382)
From: mrx on 5/25/2004 . |
|
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
The teacher ran to the window and pulled the blind.
A little girl in the front row
said, "Teacher, what was
those two dogs doing?
The teacher said that the dog
on top had a broken leg, and
the dog on the bottom was helping
him get home.
Little Johnny then said, "Teacher,
ain't that just like
life, you try to help someone
out and end up getting
screwed?"
\\\//
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|
|
Subj:
Little Johnny Has A Substitute (S308)
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/26/2002 . Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images |
A few days later the regular
teacher is still sick. When
Little Johnny gets to his desk,
the teacher asks him what
her name is. Johnny thinks hard
and then says, "I remember
it has an "r" after the first
letter."
"That's right." she coaxed.
Then after a few second, Little
Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"
\\\//
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Subj: Classroom
Computer Crashes (S300)
From: crtoth516 on 11/1/2002
The computer in my high school
classroom recently started
acting up. After watching
me struggle with it, one of my
students took over. "Your
hard drive crashed," he said.
I called the computer services
office and explained, "My
computer is down. The
hard drive crashed."
"We can't just send people down
on your say-so. How do you
know that's the problem?"
"A student told me," I answered.
"We'll send someone over right away."
\\\//
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Subj: The
New School Prayer (S297)
From: RFSlick on 10/12/2002
Since the Pledge of Allegiance
and The Lord's Prayer are
not allowed in most public schools
anymore because the
word "God" is mentioned....
a kid in Arizona wrote the
attached NEW School prayer.
I liked it....
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the
rule
For this great nation under
God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange
or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom
scene.
The law is specific, the law
is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious
vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no
faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by
the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress
like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues
and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST
the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes
me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior
Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior
King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach
right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments"
do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth
controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and
totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are
not allowed,
No word of God must reach this
crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's
a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I
make:
Should I be shot; My soul please
take!
Amen
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: The
Blueberry Story (S276b)
By: Jamie Robert Vollmer
From: tnkr on 5/12/2002
I stood before an auditorium
filled with outraged teachers
who were becoming angrier by
the minute. My speech had
entirely consumed their precious
90 minutes of in-service
training. Their initial icy
glares had turned to restless
agitation. You could cut
the hostility with a knife. I
represented a group of business
people dedicated to
improving public schools.
I was an executive at an ice
cream company that became famous
in the middle-1980s when
People Magazine chose its blueberry
flavor as the "Best
Ice Cream in America."
I was convinced of two things.
First, public schools
needed to change; they were
archaic selecting and sorting
mechanisms designed for the
Industrial Age and out of
step with the needs of our emerging
"knowledge society."
Second, educators were a major
part of the problem: They
resisted change, hunkered down
in their feathered nests,
pro! tected by tenure and shielded
by a bureaucratic
monopoly. They needed
to look to business. We knew how
to produce quality. Zero
defects! Total Quality Management!
Continuous improvement!
In retrospect, the speech was
perfectly balanced-equal parts
ignorance and arrogance.
As soon as I finished, a woman's
hand shot up. She appeared
polite, pleasant. She
was, in fact, a razor-edged, veteran
high school English teacher
who had been waiting to unload.
She began quietly, "We are told,
sir, that you manage a
company that makes good ice
cream. "I smugly replied, "Best
ice cream in America, ma'am."
"How nice," she said. "Is it
rich and smooth?" "Sixteen percent
butterfat," I crowed.
"Premium ingredients?" she inquired.
"Super-premium!
Nothing but triple-A."
I was on a roll. I never saw the
next line coming. "Mr.
Vollmer," she said, leaning
forward with a wicked eyebrow
raised to the sky, "when you
are standing on your receiving
dock and you see an inferior
shipment of blueberries arrive,
what do you do?"
In the silence of that room,
I could hear the trap snap.
I was dead meat, but I wasn't
going to lie. "I send them
back." "That's right!" she barked,
"and we can never send
back our blueberries.
We take them big, small, rich, poor,
gifted, exceptional, abused,
frightened, confident,
homeless, rude, and brilliant.
We take them with attention
deficit hyperactivity disorder,
junior rheumatoid arthritis,
and English as their second
language. We take them all.
Every one. And that, Mr.
Vollmer, is why it's not a business.
It's school."
In an explosion, all 290 teachers,
principals, bus drivers,
aides, custodians, and secretaries
jumped to their feet and
yelled, "Yeah! Blueberries!
Blueberries!"
And so began my long transformation.
Since then, I have
visited hundreds of schools.
I have learned that a school
is not! a business. Schools
are unable to control the
quality of their raw material,
they are dependent upon the
vagaries of politics for a reliable
revenue stream, and
they are constantly mauled by
a howling horde of disparate,
competing customer groups that
would send the best CEO
screaming into the night.
None of this negates the need
for change. We must change what,
when, and how we teach
to give all children maximum
opportunity to thrive in a
postindustrial society.
But educators cannot do this
alone; these changes can occur
only with the understanding,
trust, permission, and active
support of the surrounding
community. For the most
important thing I have learned is
that schools reflect the attitudes,
beliefs, and health of
the communities they serve,
and therefore, to improve
public education means more
than changing our schools, it
means changing America.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
Subj: Short
School Jokes
Top
Subj: Circumnavigating
The Globe (S463b)
From: igiggle on 12/4/2005
The teacher was lecturing on
history and asked, "Can anyone
tell me the genus and nationality
of the first animal to
circumnavigate the globe?"
Andrew raised his hand. "It was that duck from Paris, I believe."
The teacher's eyebrows arched. "What duck from Paris?"
Andrew said, "Sir - France's
drake."
Top
Subj: Using
'I' IN A Sentence (S423b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/8/2005
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence
starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always
say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the
ninth letter of the
alphabet."
Top
Subj: Public
Schools - Definition (S397b)
From: igiggle on 8/29/2004
A place of detention for children
placed in the care of
teachers who are afraid of the
principal, principals who
are afraid of the school board,
school boards who are
afraid of the parents, parents
who are afraid of the
children, and children who are
afraid of nobody.
Top
Subj: Teacher's
Salaries (S394)
From: igiggle on 8/16/2004
It's Charlotte Bradford's notion
that schoolteachers petition
for higher salaries at the wrong
time of year. "If they'd
wait till the beginning of August
- just past halfway in the
kids' summer vacations - to
make their plea, parents would
give them anything they asked
on the first ballot!"
Top
Subj: Teacher
Questionaire (S391b)
From: igiggleon 7/25/2004
A teacher was asked to fill
out a special questionnaire
for the state. One question
said, "Give two reasons for
entering the teaching profession."
The teacher wrote, "July and
August."
| Subj:
Teacher-Pupil Joke (S351b)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 10/13/2003 |
|
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
Little Johnny, in the back row, raised his hand.
"Yes, Johnny," said the teacher
"A teacher!"
Top
Subj: Teacher-Pupil
Joke2 (S383)
From: igiggle on 5/30/2004
Teacher: Which is farther away,
England or the Moon?
Andrew: England.
Teacher: England? What
makes you say that?
Andrew: Cause we can see
the Moon and we can't see England.
Top
Subj: Teacher-Pupil
Joke3 (S390b)
From: Anonymous Jr on 7/16/2004
Source: Joke Genie
There was a teacher who asked
her class to use the words
green, pink and yellow in a
sentence. So a little Mexican
boy raises his hand and says
"The phone goes green green,
I pink up the phone and say
yellow".
Top
Subj: Teacher-Pupil
Joke4 (S390b)
From: igiggle on 7/16/2004
Teacher: Andrew, how do you
define ignorance?
Andrew: It's when you
don't know something and
somebody finds it out.
Top
Subj: Teacher-Pupil
Joke5 (S475c)
From: auntiegahon 2/20/2006
A teacher asked her class, "What
do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row
raised her hand and said,
"All I want out of life is four
little animals, just like
my Mom always says".
The teacher asked, "Really and
what four little animals
would that be?"
The little girl said, "A mink
on my back, a jaguar in the
garage, a tiger in the bed and
a jackass to pay for all
of it."
The teacher fainted.
Top
Subj: School
Board Cancels Advanced English (S334)
From: jerry on 6/17/2003
The Mt. Diablo, California,
school board has cancelled
advanced English courses for
high school freshman. They
say, the advanced English courses
are unfair to those
having trouble learning.
Contra Costa Times (California)
6-Jun-03
Top
Subj: Letter
To The First Grade Teacher (S300)
From: gheckman on 11/5/2002
On the first day of school,
a first grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother.
The note said, "The
opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily
those of his parents."
From: LABLaughs.com on 11/26/2002 (S304b)
Education is the ability to
meet life's situations.
-- Dr. John G. Hibben
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/9/2003 (S322b)
An investment in knowledge pays
the best interest.
-- Benjamin Franklin
From: Joke-of-the-Day-Mail.com on 12/14/2005
(S465b)
"Tell me and I forget. Teach
me and I remember.
Involve me and I learn."
-- Benjamin Franklin
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/6/2003 (S332b)
Knowing is not enough, we must
apply. Willing is not
enough, we must do. --
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/17/2003 (S335b)
Knowledge is like money: To
be of value it must circulate,
and in circulating it can increase
in quantity and,
hopefully, in value. --
Louis L'Amour
From: RFSlick on 12/7/2003 (S358b -
in BumperSticker)
"If you can read this - THANK
A TEACHER,
If you're reading it in English
- THANK A VETERAN!"
From: igiggle on 5/30/2004 (S383b)
A teacher is a person who used
to think he liked children.
From: igiggle on 8/14/2004 (S394)
Sign on a high school bulletin
board in Dallas:
Free every Monday through Friday
- knowledge.
Bring your own containers.
From: igiggle on 1/13/2005 (S416b -
slogans)
By learning you will teach;
by teaching you will learn.
-- Latin Proverb
From: igiggle on 1/15/2005 (S416b -
slogans)
One mother teaches more than
a hundred teachers.
-- Jewish Proverb
From: igiggle on 1/23/2005 (S417b)
Sixty years ago I knew everything;
now I know nothing;
education is a progressive discovery
of our own ignorance.
-- Will Durant
From: igiggle on 11/28/2005 (S462b)
A teacher was asked to fill
out a special quiestionnaire
for the state. One question
said, "Give two reasons for
entering the teaching profession."
The teacher wrote,
"July and August." --
Milton Berle
From: igiggle on 1/9/2006 (S468b)
You know there is a problem
with the education system when you
realize that out of the three
Rs, only one begins with an R.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/29/2006
(S480b - quotes-comed)
"I can't understand why I flunked
American history.
When I was a kid there was so
little of it."
-- George Burns
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/10/2007 (S521b)
"There are obviously two educations.
One should teach
us how to make a living and
the other how to live."
-- James Truslow
Adams
From: darrell94590 on 1/18/2007 (S522b)
Aspire to inspire before you
expire.
From the book "Teacher Laughs" by Allen
Klein (S582b)
Gramercy Books, New York
Sex education may be a good
idea in the schools, but I don't
believe the kids should be given
homework. -- Bill Cosby
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/28/2009 (S589b)
"The family fireside is the
best of schools."
-- Arnold Glasgow
From: Anon Jr. on 6/1/2004 (S383)
Q: What happens to a teacher
who retires?
A: The teacher loses all his
principals.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
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