Subj: School Jokes - Supp2 (GZ-m4)
(Includes 38 jokes and articles)
Teacher from
SCHULACES3 on 10/16/2003
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Subj: School Jokes - Supp2 (GZ-m4) (Includes 38 jokes and articles) |
|
Teacher from SCHULACES3 on 10/16/2003 |
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| Subj:
Don Blue's Radio Show - Benicia Schools
From: A.Benician on 11/12/2008 (S615) Drawing
from Don
Blue Radio...
|
 |
In order to attend a school in
Benicia, the child must reside
in the town. Don Blue
called a the parent, who lives in Vallejo,
but has their child go to a
Benicia school. You can listen
to argument at the above source
(clicking on Sara), or listen
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: No Child
Left Behind - Football Version (S607b)
From: bweidel on 8/23/2008
The football version of what
is going on in education
right now. (If you're not an
educator, this may not make
a lot of sense to you.
But send it to your friends who
are in education. They
will love it!)
For all the educators. In or out of the system.
NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND-FOOTBALL VERSION!
1. All teams must make the state
playoffs and all MUST win
the championship. If a
team does not win the championship,
they will be on probation until
they are the champions,
and coaches will be held accountable.
If after two years
they have not won the championship
their footballs and
equipment will be taken away
UNTIL they do win the
championship.
2. All children will be expected
to have the same football
skills at the same time even
if they do not have the same
conditions or opportunities
to practice on their own. NO
exceptions will be made for
lack of interest in football,
a desire to perform athletically,
or genetic abilities or
disabilities of themselves or
their parents.
ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!
3. Talented players will be asked
to workout on their own,
without instruction. This
is because the coaches will be
using all of their instructional
time with the athletes
who aren't interested in football,
have limited athletic
ability or whose parents don't
like football.
4. Games will be played year
round, but statistics will
only be kept in the 4th, 8th,
and 11th game.
It will create a New Age of Sports
where every school is
expected to have the same level
of talent and all teams
will reach the same minimum
goals. If no child gets
ahead, then no child gets left
behind.
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| Subj:
Little Johnny Scares Little Marry (S583c)
LABLaughsAdult on 3/21/2008 |
 |
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
"What are they doing, Johnny?"
Mary asked. Well, Little
Johnny, being a man of the world
for all his 12 years, knew
what they were doing but was
embarrassed to say it, so he
said, "Well, he's scaring her."
Little Mary said, "Oh."
They walked a little farther,
and Little Mary said, "Scare
me, Little Johnny." Well, Little
Johnny thought, "What the
Hell." So he took her into the
bushes and "scared" her.
After they were finished, they
started walking home again.
Pretty soon,they walked past
a stallion mounting a mare in
the field. "What are they doing,
Little Johnny ?", she asked.
"Well, he's scaring her." So
LittleMary said, "Scare me
again, Johnny." Well, Little
Johnny took her into the bushes
and "scared" her again.
After they were finished, they
started walking home again.
Pretty soon,you guessed it,
they saw a bull and a heifer in
the field, going at it.
"What are they doing, Little
Johnny?" she innocently (?)
asked again. "Well, he's scaring
her" Little Johnny said
once again. After a few more
minutes of walking, Little Mary
said, "Scare me again, Little
Johnny."
Now Little Johnny, being a little
tired by now, had just
about had enough, so he yelled
out,
"Boo, damn it, boo!"
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Subj:
Why I Was Never Late For School (S571b)
From: rfslick on 12/27/2007 |
This short dragstrip movie is
impressive. Click 'HERE'
to play it on my site.
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Subj: Schools
1967 vs. 2007 (S581b)
From: gayleheckman on 3/7/2008
Scenario: Jack goes quail
hunting before school, pulls into
school parking lot with shotgun
in gun rack.
1967
- Vice principal comes over to look at Jack's shotgun.
He
goes to his own car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007
- School goes into lock-down, and FBI is called. Jack
is
hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again.
Counselors
called in for traumatized students and teachers.
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1967
- Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands
and
end up best friends.
2007
- Police called. SWAT team arrives. Johnny and Mark are
arrested
and charged with assault. Both are expelled even
though
Johnny started it.
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤
Scenario: Jeffrey won't be
still in class, disrupts
other students.
1967
- Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by
the
Principal. He returns to class, sits still, and does
not
disrupt class again.
2007
- Jeffrey is diagnosed with A. D. D. and given huge
doses
of Ritalin. Be comes a zombie. School gets extra
money
from State because Jeffrey has a learning disability.
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤
Scenario: Billy breaks a window
in his neighbor's car and
his dad gives him a whipping
with his belt.
1967
- Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal,
goes
to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007
- Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is
placed
in foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist
convinces
Billy's sister that she remembers being abused
herself,
and their dad goes to prison. Billy's Mom has
affair
with psychologist.
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤
Scenario: Mark has a headache
and brings some aspirin
to school.
1967
- Mark takes aspirin in lunchroom and headache
goes
away.
2007
- Police called. Mark is expelled from school for
drug
violations. Car is searched for drugs and weapons.
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤
Scenario: Pedro fails English in high school.
1967
- Pedro goes to summer school, passes English,
goes
to college.
2007
- Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper
articles
appear nationally explaining that teaching
English
as a requirement for graduation is racist.
ACLU
files class action lawsuit against state school
system
and Pedro's English teacher. English banned
from
core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma anyway
but
ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot
speak
English.
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤
Scenario: Johnny takes apart
leftover firecrackers from
4th of July, puts them in
a model airplane paint bottle,
blows up a fire ant hill.
1967 - Ants die.
2007
- Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Homeland
Security,
and FBI called. Johnny is charged with domestic
terrorism.
The FBI investigates parents; siblings are
removed
from home; computers are confiscated. Johnny's
dad
goes on Terror Watch List and is never allowed to fly
again.
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤
Scenario: Johnny falls while
running during recess and
scrapes his knee. He
is found crying by his teacher
who hugs him to comfort him.
1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007
- Teacher is accused of being a sexual predator and
loses
her job. She faces three years in state prison.
Johnny
undergoes five years of therapy.
AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THIS COUNTRY IS SUCH A MESS... DUHHHHHH!
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Subj: The
Teacher Questions Students (S564)
From: hellgunner50 on 11/12/2007
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing
your math multiplication
on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without
using tables.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but
you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's
H to O.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important
thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer
to the ground than you are.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I
am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_____________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not
only chopped down his father's
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do
you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had
the axe in his hand.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me
frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to,
my Mom is a good cook.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition
on "My Dog" is exactly
the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the
same dog.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you
call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
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Subj: Wet
Pants In Third Grade (S527b)
From: darrell94590 on 2/12/2007
Come with me to a third grade
classroom... There is a nine-
year-old kid sitting at his
desk and all of a sudden, there
is a puddle between his feet
and the front of his pants are
wet. He thinks his heart
is going to stop because he cannot
possibly imagine how this has
happened.
It's never happened before, and
he knows that when the boys
find out he will never hear
the end of it. When the girls
find out, they'll never speak
to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is
going to stop; he puts his head
down and prays this prayer,
"Dear God, this is an emergency!
I need help now! Five
minutes from now I'm dead meat."
He looks up from his prayer and
here comes the teacher with a
look in her eyes that says he
has been discovered. As the
teacher is walking toward him,
a classmate named Susie is
carrying a goldfish bowl that
is filled with water. Susie
trips in front of the teacher
and inexplicably dumps the
bowl of water in the boy's lap.
The boy pretends to be irritated,
but all the while is saying
to himself, "Thank you, Lord!
Thank you, Lord!"
Now all of a sudden, instead
of being the object of ridicule,
the boy is the object of sympathy.
The teacher rushes him
downstairs and gives him gym
shorts to put on while his pants
dry out. All the other
children are on their hands and knees
cleaning up around his desk.
The sympathy is wonderful. But
as life would have it, the ridicule
that should have been his
has been transferred to someone
else - Susie.
She tries to help, but they tell
her to get out. "You've done
enough."
Finally, at the end of the day,
as they are waiting for the
bus, the boy walks over to Susie
and whispers, "You did that
on purpose, didn't you?"
Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."
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| Subj:
The Polite Way To Pee (S526)
From: jbcary1 on 2/21/2007 . |
|
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
"Michael, if you were on a date
having dinner with a nice
young lady, how would you tell
her that you have to go to
the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying,
"That would be rude and
impolite.
What about you Peter, how would
you say it?" Peter said,
"I am sorry, but I really need
to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still
not very nice to say the
word bathroom at the dinner
table
And you, little Johnny, can you
use your brain for once
and show Us your good manners?"
I would say: "Darling, may I
please be excused for a
moment? I have to shake
hands with a very dear friend
of mine, whom I hope you'll
get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted.
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Subj: Short
School Jokes
 |
Subj:
Herman Comic Strip (S618c)
by Jim Unger From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/9/2008 |
| Subj:
Peanuts Comic Strip (S619b)
By Charles M. Schulz From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/19/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Frazz Comic Strip III (S620c)
by Jeff Mallett From: WashingtonPost.com on 11/25/2008 |
| Subj:
Frazz Comic Strip II (S615c)
by Jeff Mallett From: WashingtonPost.com on 10/5/2007 Drawing
from Comics.com...
|
 |
 |
Subj:
Frazz Comic Strip (S614c)
by Jeff Mallett From: WashingtonPost.com on 10/12/2007 Drawing from Comics.com |
| Subj:
Mallard Comic Strip II (S608b)
by Bruce Tinsley From: SeattlePi.com on 9/4/2008 |
 |
Top
Subj: The
Old Three "R"s (S528b)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 2/28/2007
The old three "R"s need to be
updated. Readin, Riteing,
Rithmatic -- should be taught
in school.
The more important three "R"s
need to be taught in the home.
Respect for Self
Respect for Others
Responsibility
for all of your Actions
 |
Subj:
Mallard Comic Strip (S608c)
by Bruce Tinsley From: SeattlePi.com on 9/4/2008 |
Top
Subj: A Student
Who Hated Graphing (S527)
From: LABLaughsClean on 2/27/2007
A student at our high school
a few years back, having had
his fill with drawing graph
after graph in senior high math
class, told his teacher,
"I'll do algebra, I'll do trig,
and I'll even do statistics,
but graphing is where I draw
the line."
| Subj:
Opus Comic Strip (S602b)
By Berkeley Breathed on Sept 23, 2007 From: Salon.com on 8/14/2008 |
 |
You can view other great Opus
Comic Strips by clicking 'HERE'.
 |
Subj: Why Our Schools
Are Failing (S604)
By Richard Garner, Education Editor From: bweidel on July 31,2008 |
| Subj:
Going To School In The Jungle (S573c)
From: darrellvip (in Latin America) on 1/15/2008 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Zits Comics On AP Classes (S561c)
From: WashingtonPost on 10/10/2007 |
| Subj:
Maxine On Testing (S556)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/17/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Non Sequitor On Math Tests (S556)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 8/26/2007 |
| Subj:
Frank And Ernest (S550c)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 8/3/2007 |
 |
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/20/2007
(S532b)
Education is what remains after
one has forgotten
everything he learned in school.
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 5/17/2007
(S540b – signs-supp)
Sign on a bulletin board in
a kindergarten in Toronto, Canada:
“I don’t care how much you know
until I know how much you care.”
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/24/2008 (S583b)
"The family fireside is the
best of schools."
-- Arnold Glasgow
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Snow eats ice cream from
catlynnbray on 7/23/2006 |