Subj: School Jokes - Supp2
(Includes 67 jokes and articles, 05 1043n,32,cf,wXT4a5,28)
SCHULACES3 on 10/16/2003
Subj: Frank And Ernest (S550c)
By Bob Thaves on 8/3/2007
Changing Education Paradigms
From: Wimp.com on 10/16/2010 (S718d)
This animate was adapted from
a talk given at the RSA
by Sir Ken Robinson, world-renowned education and
creativity expert and recipient of the RSA's Benjamin
Franklin award. Click 'HERE' to see this all too true
video on schools.
From Random House Webster's College
A paradigm is an example serving as a model or pattern.
- Do Schools Kill Creativity? (S713d)
From: Wimp.com on 9/15/2010
Sir Ken Robinson makes an entertaining
moving case for creating an education system that
nurtures (rather than undermines) creativity. Click
'HERE' to hear this funny, great speaker.
Subj: Daddy Sleeps Naked (S621, S767)
From: mauryschu on 12/4/2008
and From: virv on 9/24/2011
'Late again,' the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.
'It isn't my fault this time,
Miss Crabtree. You can blame
this'un on my daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is
my daddy sleeps naked!'
Now Miss Crabtree had taught
grammar school for thirty-some-
odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little
Sammy what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and
in the flower of his youth,
little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always
told her the truth.
'You see, Miss Crabtree; out
at the ranch we got this here
low down Coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens
and killed Ma's best milk goat. Last night, when Daddy
heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his shot
gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna
'Stay back,' he whispered to
all us kids. He was naked as
a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt!'
'To the hen house he crawl ed,
just like an Injun on the
snoop. Then he stuck that double barreled 12 Gauge shot
gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the
darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke
had done woke up and comes sneaking' up behind Daddy. Then
as we all looked on plumb helpless, old Zeke stuck his cold
nose in Daddy's crack!
'Miss Crabtree, we all been cleanin'
chickens since three
o'clock this Mornin.
Sugata Mitra's Self-Teaching (S713b,d)
From: Wimp.com on 9/10/2010
Indian education scientist Sugata
Mitra tackles one of
the greatest problems of education -- the best teachers
and schools don't exist where they're needed most. In a
series of real-life experiments from New Delhi to South
Africa to Italy, he gave kids self-supervised access to
the web and saw results that could revolutionize how we
think about teaching. Click 'HERE' to see this wonderful,
Little Johnny Scares Little Mary (S583c)
LABLaughsAdult on 3/21/2008
from Yahoo! Images
"What are they doing, Johnny?"
Mary asked. Well, Little
Johnny, being a man of the world for all his 12 years, knew
what they were doing but was embarrassed to say it, so he
said, "Well, he's scaring her." Little Mary said, "Oh."
They walked a little farther,
and Little Mary said, "Scare
me, Little Johnny." Well, Little Johnny thought, "What the
Hell." So he took her into the bushes and "scared" her.
After they were finished, they
started walking home again.
Pretty soon,they walked past a stallion mounting a mare in
the field. "What are they doing, Little Johnny ?", she asked.
"Well, he's scaring her." So LittleMary said, "Scare me
again, Johnny." Well, Little Johnny took her into the bushes
and "scared" her again.
After they were finished, they
started walking home again.
Pretty soon,you guessed it, they saw a bull and a heifer in
the field, going at it.
"What are they doing, Little
Johnny?" she innocently (?)
asked again. "Well, he's scaring her" Little Johnny said
once again. After a few more minutes of walking, Little Mary
said, "Scare me again, Little Johnny."
Now Little Johnny, being a little
tired by now, had just
about had enough, so he yelled out,
"Boo, damn it, boo!"
Did You Know II (S669d)
Fantastic video on the progression
technology, researched by Karl Fisch, Scott McLeod,
and Jeff Brenman. Click 'HERE' to see amazing,
Subj: What The Teacher Said (S628c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/22/2009
What the teacher says and (what the teacher means)
1. Your son has a remarkable
ability in gathering
needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).
2. Karen is an endless fund
of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched
in his capacity for
blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever
4. Margie exhibits a casual,
relaxed attitude to school,
indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).
5. Her athletic ability is marvelous.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15
6. Nick thrives on interaction
with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).
7. Your daughter's greatest
asset is her demonstrative
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain
an assignment she creates a class argument).
8. John enjoys the thrill of
engaging challenges with
(He's a bully).
9. An adventurous nature lover
who rarely misses
opportunities to explore new territory.
(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the
10. I am amazed at her tenacity
in retaining her
(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).
11. Unlike some students who
hide their emotion,
Charles is very expressive and open.
(He must have written the Whiner's Guide).
12. I firmly believe that her
emotional progress would be enhanced through a
year's repetition of her learning environment.
(Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready
for high school and must repeat the 8th grade).
13. Her exuberant verbosity is
(A mouth that never stops yacking).
Don Blue's Radio Show - Benicia Schools
From: A.Benician on 11/12/08 (S615d)
Source: (Removed from star1013fm.com)
In order to attend a school in
Benicia, the child must reside
in the town. Don Blue called a the parent, who lives in Vallejo,
but has their child go to a Benicia school. You can listen
to the argument on an audio file by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: No Child Left Behind - Football Version (S607b)
From: bweidel on 8/23/2008
The football version of what
is going on in education
right now. (If you're not an educator, this may not make
a lot of sense to you. But send it to your friends who
are in education. They will love it!)
For all the educators. In or out of the system.
NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND-FOOTBALL VERSION!
1. All teams must make the state
playoffs and all MUST win
the championship. If a team does not win the championship,
they will be on probation until they are the champions,
and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years
they have not won the championship their footballs and
equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the
2. All children will be expected
to have the same football
skills at the same time even if they do not have the same
conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO
exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football,
a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or
disabilities of themselves or their parents.
ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!
3. Talented players will be asked
to workout on their own,
without instruction. This is because the coaches will be
using all of their instructional time with the athletes
who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic
ability or whose parents don't like football.
4. Games will be played year
round, but statistics will
only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game.
It will create a New Age of Sports
where every school is
expected to have the same level of talent and all teams
will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets
ahead, then no child gets left behind.
Why I Was Never Late For School
From: rfslick on 12/27/2007 (S571b,d)
This short dragstrip video is
impressive. Click 'HERE'
Subj: Schools 1967 vs. 2007 (S581b)
From: gayleheckman on 3/7/2008
Scenario: Jack goes quail
hunting before school, pulls into
school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
- Vice principal comes over to look at Jack's shotgun.
He goes to his own car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
- School goes into lock-down, and FBI is called. Jack
is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again.
Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
|Drawing from tom on 8/21/2009|
- Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands
and end up best friends.
- Police called. SWAT team arrives. Johnny and Mark are
arrested and charged with assault. Both are expelled even
though Johnny started it.
- Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by
the Principal. He returns to class, sits still, and does
not disrupt class again.
- Jeffrey is diagnosed with A. D. D. and given huge
doses of Ritalin. Be comes a zombie. School gets extra
money from State because Jeffrey has a learning disability.
- Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal,
goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
- Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is
placed in foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist
convinces Billy's sister that she remembers being abused
herself, and their dad goes to prison. Billy's Mom has
affair with psychologist.
- Mark takes aspirin in lunchroom and headache
- Police called. Mark is expelled from school for
drug violations. Car is searched for drugs and weapons.
- Pedro goes to summer school, passes English,
goes to college.
- Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper
articles appear nationally explaining that teaching
English as a requirement for graduation is racist.
ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school
system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned
from core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma anyway
but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot
1967 - Ants die.
- Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, Homeland
Security, and FBI called. Johnny is charged with domestic
terrorism. The FBI investigates parents; siblings are
removed from home; computers are confiscated. Johnny's
dad goes on Terror Watch List and is never allowed to fly
1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
- Teacher is accused of being a sexual predator and
loses her job. She faces three years in state prison.
Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.
AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THIS COUNTRY IS SUCH A MESS... DUHHHHHH!
Geography Quiz (S625c,d)
Did you know "the Middle East"'
stretches as far west as the
Western Sahara in Africa? What is the smallest Middle Eastern
country? Test your knowledge on this drag-and-drop game.
(All ages). Requires Flash.
You can play this challenging game by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: The Teacher Questions Students (S564)
From: hellgunner50 on 11/12/2007
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
TEACHER: John, why are you doing
your math multiplication
on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but
you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's
H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important
thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer
to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I
am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: George Washington not
only chopped down his father's
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do
you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had
the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me
frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to,
my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition
on "My Dog" is exactly
the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the
TEACHER: Harold, what do you
call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
Origami Hang Gliders (S700b,d in Asian)
From: Wimp.com on 6/15/2010
Teaching middle school students
to make origami hang
gliders is a great activity. This video is just Part 1.
the introduction. To see Part 2, the construction
details, and templates go to Source3. Click 'HERE'
to see this intro video.
Subj: Wet Pants In Third Grade (S527b)
From: darrell94590 on 2/12/2007
Come with me to a third grade
classroom... There is a nine-
year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there
is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are
wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot
possibly imagine how this has happened.
It's never happened before, and
he knows that when the boys
find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls
find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is
going to stop; he puts his head
down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency!
I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."
He looks up from his prayer and
here comes the teacher with a
look in her eyes that says he has been discovered. As the
teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is
carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie
trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the
bowl of water in the boy's lap.
The boy pretends to be irritated,
but all the while is saying
to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"
Now all of a sudden, instead
of being the object of ridicule,
the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him
downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants
dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees
cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But
as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his
has been transferred to someone else - Susie.
She tries to help, but they tell
her to get out. "You've done
Finally, at the end of the day,
as they are waiting for the
bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that
on purpose, didn't you?"
Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."
Children's Science Exam Answers: (S704b)
From: darrellvip on 7/12/2010
Source: (Removed from islam.trivuz.com)
Click 'HERE' to read these unusual answers to science questions.
The Polite Way To Pee (S526)
From: jbcary1 on 2/21/2007
from Yahoo! Images
"Michael, if you were on a date
having dinner with a nice
young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying,
"That would be rude and
What about you Peter, how would
you say it?" Peter said,
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still
not very nice to say the
word bathroom at the dinner table
And you, little Johnny, can you
use your brain for once
and show Us your good manners?"
I would say: "Darling, may I
please be excused for a
moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend
of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted.
Subj: 2 Pickles Comic Strips (S686, S1024)
By Brian Crane on 3/5/2010
Subj: Dumbing Down Our Kids (S126)
From: Anaise on 7/2/99
Charles Sykes is
the author of Dumbing Down Our Kids. He
volunteered the following advice to high school and college
graduates. It is a list of eleven things kids do not learn in
school. In his book, he talks about how the feel good
politically correct teachings created a generation of kids
with no concept of reality, and set them up for failure in
the real world. It seems to me these rules have also been
forgotten (or never learned) by many adults.
Rule 1 - Life is not fair; get
used to it.
Rule 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The
world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE
you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 - You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right
out of high school. You won't be a vice president
with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you
get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
Rule 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your
grandparents had a different word for burger
flipping; they called it opportunity.
Rule 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so
don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring
as they are now. They got that way from paying your
bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you
talk about how cool you are. So before you save the
rain forest from the parasites of your parents'
generation, try delousing the closet in your own
Rule 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and
losers, but life has not. In some schools they have
abolished failing grade; they'll give you as many
times as you want to get the right answer. This, of
course, doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to
ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get
summers off, and very few employers are interested
in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own
Rule 10 - Television is NOT real life. In real life people
actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to
Rule 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up
working for one.
Subj: Short School Jokes
International School Buses (S684b)
From: gattica30 on 2/21/2010
Drawing from Zazzle.co.uk
A Lesson That Should Be Taught In All Schools
From: ft.apache on 1/25/2010 (S680b)
Subj: Cafeteria Food (S714a)
From: firstname.lastname@example.org on 9/8/2010
When the power went off at the elementary school, the
cook couldn't serve a hot meal in the cafeteria. She
had to feed the children something, so at the last
minute she whipped up great stacks of peanut-butter
and jelly sandwiches.
As one little boy filled his
plate, he said, "It's
about time. At last -- a home cooked meal!"
Peanuts Comic Strips II (DU in Latin)
By Charles M. Schulz on 8/21/2009
Frazz Comic Strip V (S641b)
By Jef Mallett on 4/19/2009
Little Johnny Gets Bad Grades (S641b)
From: LABLaughs Clean on 4/15/2009
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
"What's the matter." asked his mother.
"Aw, gee," said Little Johnny,
"it's my grades.
They're all wet."
"What do you mean 'all wet?'" asked his mother.
"You know," he replied, "below
Non Sequitur Comic Strip II (S638b)
By Wiley Miller on 3/30/2009
One Big Happy Comic Strip (S636)
by Rick Detorie on 3/15/2009
Little Johnny's Class Picture (S636c)
From: rfslick on 3/11/2009
Frazz Comic Strips IV (S632c)
by Jeff Mallett on 2/19/2007
Herman Comic Strip (S618c)
by Jim Unger on 11/1/2008
Peanuts Comic Strip (S619b)
By Charles M. Schulz on 11/19/2008
Frazz Comic Strips III (S620c)
..........by Jeff Mallett on 11/25/2008
Frazz Sunday Comic Strip II (S615c)
by Jeff Mallett on 10/5/2008
Frazz Sunday Comic Strip (S614c)
by Jeff Mallett on 10/12/2007
Drawing from Comics.com
8 Mallard Comic Strips (S608b)
by Bruce Tinsley on 9/7/2008
Subj: The Old Three "R"s (S528b)
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 2/28/2007
The old three "R"s need to be updated. Readin, Riteing,
Rithmatic -- should be taught in school.
The more important three "R"s
need to be taught in the home.
Respect for Self
Respect for Others
Responsibility for all of your Actions
Mallard Comic Strip (S608c)
by Bruce Tinsley on 9/4/2008
Subj: A Student Who Hated Graphing (S527)
From: LABLaughsClean on 2/27/2007
A student at our high school a few years back, having had
his fill with drawing graph after graph in senior high math
class, told his teacher,
"I'll do algebra, I'll do trig,
and I'll even do statistics,
but graphing is where I draw the line."
Opus Sunday Comic Strip (S602b)
By Berkeley Breathed on Sept 23, 2007
You can view other great Opus
Comic Strips by clicking 'HERE'.
||Subj: Why Our Schools
Are Failing (S604)
By Richard Garner, Education Editor
From: bweidel on July 31,2008
Going To School In The Jungle (S573c,d)
From: darrellvip (in Latin America)
Zits Comics On AP Classes (S561c)
by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman on 10/10/2007
Maxine On Testing (S556)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/17/2007
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
6 Non Sequitor Comics On Math Tests (S556)
By Wiley Miller on 9/17/2007
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/20/2007
Education is what remains after one has forgotten
everything he learned in school.
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 5/17/2007
(S540b - signs-supp)
Sign on a bulletin board in a kindergarten in Toronto, Canada:
"I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care."
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/24/2008 (S583b)
"The family fireside is the best of schools."
-- Arnold Glasgow
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/15/2009 (S627b)
My grades were so bad,
my dog refused to eat my homework.
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/27/2009
"Education is what survives when what has been learned
has been forgotten." -- B.F.Skinner
...............................From catlynnbray on 7/23/06