school1

Subj: School1 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 25 jokes and articles)

SCHOOL1 and 2 contains jokes
SCHOOL3 contains jokes and short jokes
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Subj:     An 8th Grade Education (S240, S479b)
          From: mbucher on 9/6/2001
      and From: DoctorDebt on 3/24/2006

To view this old 8th Grade Final Exam click 'HERE'.

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Subj:     High-Stakes Testing (S273b)
          From: morinhome on 4/20/2002

Long ...but worth reading it anyway.

My dentist is great! He sends me reminders so I don't forget
checkups. He uses the latest techniques based on research.
He never hurts me, and I've got all my teeth, so when I ran
into him the other day, I was eager to see if he'd heard
about the new state program. I knew he'd think it was great.

"Did you hear about the new state program to measure the
effectiveness of dentists with their young patients?" I said.

"No," he said. He didn't seem too thrilled. "How will they
do that?"

"It's quite simple," I said. "They will just count the
number of cavities each patient has at age 10, 14, and 18
and average that to determine a dentist's rating. Dentists
will be rated as Excellent, Good, Average, Below Average,
and unsatisfactory. That way parents will know which are
the best dentists. It will also encourage the less
effective dentists to get better," I said. "Poor dentists
who don't improve could lose their licenses to practice in
our State."

"That's terrible," he said.

"What? That's not a good attitude," I said. "Don't you
think we should try to improve children's dental health
in this state?"

"Sure I do," he said, "but that's not a fair way to
determine who is practicing good dentistry."

"Why not?" I said. "It makes perfect sense to me."

"Well, it's so obvious," he said. "Don't you see that
dentists don't all work with the same clientele; so much
depends on things we can't control? "For example," he
said, "I work in a rural area with a high percentage of
patients from deprived homes, while some of my colleagues
work in upper-middle-class neighborhoods. Many of the
parents I work with don't bring their children to see me
until there is some kind of problem and I don't get to do
much preventative work. "Also," he said, "many of the
parents I serve let their kids eat way too much candy
from a young age, unlike more educated parents who under-
stand the relationship between sugar and decay.

"To top it all off," he added, "so many of my clients
have well water which is untreated and has no fluoride
in it. Do you have any idea how much difference early
use of fluoride can make?"

"It sounds like you're making excuses," I said. I could
not believe my dentist would be so defensive. He does a
great job.

"I am not!" he said. "My best patients are as good as
anyone's, my work is as good as anyone's, but my average
cavity count is going to be higher than a lot of other
dentists because I chose to work where I am needed most."

"Don't get touchy," I said.

"Touchy?" he said. His face had turned red, and from the
way he was clenching and unclenching his jaws, I was
afraid he was going to damage his teeth. "Try furious.
In a system like this, I will end up being rated average,
below average or worse."

"My more educated patients who see these ratings may
believe this so-called rating actually is a measure of my
ability and proficiency as a dentist. They may leave me,
and I'll be left with only the neediest patients. And my
cavity average score will get even worse.

"On top of that, how will I attract good dental hygienists
and other excellent dentists to my practice if it is
labeled below average?"

"I think you're overreacting," I said. "'Complaining,
excuse making, and stonewalling won't improve dental
health.' I am quoting that from a leading member of the
DOC," I noted.

"What's the DOC?" he said.

"It's the Dental Oversight Committee," I said, "a group
made up of mostly lay persons to make sure dentistry in
this state gets improved."

"Spare me," he said. "I can't believe this. Reasonable
people won't buy it," he said hopefully.

The program sounded reasonable to me, so I asked, "How
else would you measure good dentistry?"

"Come watch me work," he said. "Observe my processes."

"That's too complicated and time-consuming," I said.
"Cavities are the bottom line and you can't argue with
the bottom line. It's an absolute measure."

"That's what I'm afraid my patients and prospective
patients will think. This can't be happening," he said
despairingly.

"Now, now," I said, "don't despair. The state will help
you some."

"How?" he said.

"If you're rated poorly, they'll send a dentist who is
rated excellent to help straighten you out," I said
brightly.

"You mean," he said, "they will send a dentist with a
wealthy clientele to show me how to work on severe
juvenile dental problems with which I have probably had
much more experience? Big help."

"There you go again," I said. "You aren't acting
professionally at all."

"You don't get it," he said. "Doing this would be like
grading schools and teachers on an average score on a
test of children's progress without regard to influences
outside the school, the home, the community served, and
stuff like that. Why would they do something so unfair
to dentists? No one would ever think of doing that to
schools."

I just shook my head sadly, but he had brightened.

I'm going to write my representatives and senator," he
said. "I'll use the school analogy, surely they'll see
my point."

He walked off with that look of hope mixed with fear and
suppressed anger that I see in the mirror so often lately.

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Subj:     Students Go To The Race Track (S72, S375b)
          From: RFSlick on 98-06-15
      and From: Grampsboyd on 4/4/2004

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by
two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track
to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.

During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet
so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and
the boys would go with the other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's
toilet, one of the boys came out and told her he couldn't reach
the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside and began hoisting
the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was
unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child.
"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

"No ma'am" he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow.
Thanks for the lift anyhow."

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Subj:     Teacher Motivates Class (S71)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #142 on 98-06-08
      and From: RobertTompkins on 98-10-06 Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to
motivate her class. She told them that she would read a
quote and the first student to correctly identify who said
it would receive the rest of the day off. Little Johnny
says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm
smart and will answer the question".

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years
Ago?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said,
"Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie.
You can go". Johnny was MAD, Susie had answered first!

The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before
Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther
King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go".
Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary had answered first!

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can
do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy
said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy.
You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD. Nancy answered first!

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish
these bitches would keep their mouths shut". The teacher
heard this comment and furiously asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny replied frustratedly, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"

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Subj:     Hall Pass (S399)
          From: DafterLafter - 09 September 2004
          At: http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200408/013.htm

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Subj:     Guessing What's Behind The Teacher's Back (S183)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98
. Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images

One day the teacher told her 3rd grade class. Ok class. I
want to test you and see how well you use your imagination.
I going to hold something behind my back and as soon as you
think that you know what it is, raise your hand and say what
you think it is! Now little Johnny, who was a terrible cut-up,
knew that he could have a lot of fun with this. The Teacher
said ok, I have something that is small and round "I know I
know" Said Mary- "It's a raisin!!! "No" said the teacher-"but
it just shows that you are thinking!"

"OK. now I have something in my hand that fills my hand-it is
round.." said the teacher. "I know I know" says Jimmy it's a
grapefruit!!" "No Jimmy-But it shows that you are thinking!"

Well this went on several more times. Meanwhile Little Johnny
was almost always the first to raise his hand! The teacher
doesn't like to call on Johnny because he is a little TOO
street smart. So finally, three minutes before the end of
class, Little Johnny jumps up and says "Teacher I have one
for you". The Teacher thinks to herself "Oh no-now what"
"Ok Johnny, say what you have to say" she said (dredding what
was he going to say THIS time).

Little Johnny reached into his pocket and moved his hand
around and said, "Teacher what I've got in my pocket is
round ...and long...it's pointed at the end and it's HARD!!!"

"JOHNNY!" yelled the Teacher. Johnny smiles devilishly and
says "No teacher it's just a banana but it shows that you
were thinking !!

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Subj:     Not Wanting To Go To School (S184, S456)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #33 on 98-02-03

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate
me, too!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now
and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. For another,
you're the PRINCIPAL!"

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Subj:     Little Johnny Learns Multi-Syllable Words (S228)
          From: h2oman19 on 6/7/2001
.
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-
syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask
a few of the children examples of words with more than one
syllable. "Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words?"
After some thought Jane proudly replied with "Monday."
"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day. Does
anyone know another word."

"I do! I do!" replied Johnny. Knowing Johnny's more mature
sense of humor she picks Mike instead. "OK Mike, what is
your word." "Saturday." says Mike. "Great, that has three
syllables." she says.

Not wanting to be outdone, Johnny says "I know a four
syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the
teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four
syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."

Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says,
"Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a
mouthful." "No Ma'am. Your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's
only two syllables."

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Subj:     Johnny's Oral final Exam (S54)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #228 on 98-02-03
. Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images

Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done
so well during the year that the teacher suggested to the
principal that they give him an oral exam to make up for
the test he'd missed.

The principal agreed so they called Johnny into the office,
explained, then the teacher asked, "Johnny what does a cow
have four of, that I only have two of?"

Johnny replied, "Legs."

The teacher asked, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants
that I don't have in my pants?"

Johnny replied, "Pockets."

The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?"

Johnny replied. "Rome."

The teacher turned to the principal and asked, "Should we
pass him?"

The principal replied, "Better not ask me, I got the first
two wrong!"

Footnote:
I saw the first two questions in the fifties as part of the
'Turtle Club' membership card. Other questions on the card
were the following:

What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs? Answer backwards: Sdnah ekahs

What word starts with 'F' and ends with 'uck'? Answer
backwards: Kcurterif

What is round, firm, hairy, secrets liquid, and sticks out
of a man's pajamas far enough to hang your hat on? Answer
backwards: Daeh ruoy

If someone asked you 'Are you a member of the turtle club?',
members had to answer 'You bet your sweet ass I am.' We
were young and loved it.

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Subj:     Third Grade Gambler (S53)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98

Miss Jones, an unusually attractive and voluptuous third
grade teacher, was at her wits end. She had a seemingly
insoluble problem. Her student, Tommy Smith, was perpetually
making bets and winning all the other kids lunch money and
allowances. She had tried everything to get him to stop
betting. Nothing worked. Parents were complaining. Her
principal demanded results or else. Tommy just kept making
bets and winning. She was desperate.

Finally, one day after she had tried yet another unsuccessful
tactic, Tommy commented, "Tell you what Teach, if I ever lose
a bet I'll stop for good." Miss Jones thought about this and,
very much not wanting to be defeated by this ten year old,
saw a chance accomplish the needed behavior modification.

"OK Tommy," Miss Jones said, "Its a deal. What do you want to
bet on?" Tommy then offered to bet her ten dollars that the
color of the hair on her head was a different color than the
hair on her pussy. Miss Jones spluttered and blushed, but
knowing she had him beaten because she was a natural redhead
everywhere, agreed to this unusual wager.

Tommy refused to take her word that he had lost. Miss Jones,
being willing to do almost anything to get him to stop betting,
took him into to coatroom for verification. The young lecher
got an eyefull. "Now Tommy," Miss Jones said, "a deal is a
deal and you lost. Are you going to keep your word and stop
betting forever?"

Tommy grinned at his teacher and replied, "Naw, I don't think
so. You see my daddy bet me $500.00 I'd never get to see
your pussy."

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Subj:     Little Girl Named 'Happy Butt' (S185)
          From: The Bartenders Joke of the day for 15 Jan 98

This lovely little girl was entering class for the first time.
A friendly little boy said his name was "David, what is yours?"
"Happy Butt" she says. "Don't lie to me, that isn't your name!
What is your name?" "Happy Butt" she says again. "I'm going to
tell the teacher on you for lying!" he shouts. He gets the
teacher and says she is lying to him about her name.

"What is your name?" asks the teacher. "Happy Butt" says the
little girl. "No, no," says the teacher. "What is your real
name?" "Happy Butt" replies the little girl. "Shame on you for
lying." says the teacher. "You go straight to the principal's
office right this minute!"

"Why are you here?" asks the principal of the little girl.
"They think I'm lying when I tell them my name is Happy Butt."
said the little girl. "Your name can't be Happy Butt" says
the principal. "I'm going to call your mother right this minute
and straighten this out. You mustn't lie to us about your name."

The principal calls the mother and says, "We have your little
girl here and she keeps telling us her name is 'Happy Butt.'"
"Oh, that must be Gladys," says the mother.

"Well, little girl, your mother says your name is Gladys," says
the principal. The little girl replies, "Happy Butt, Glad ass,
what's the difference?"

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Subj:     The Urinate Joke (S186)
          From: DoctorDebt on 6/12/2004
.
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images

A teacher is instructing all her second grade pupils on three
syllable words. She asks for volunteers to give a three
syllable word and use it in a sentence. The teacher calls on
Susy. "BEAUTIFUL. My teacher is beautiful," Susy says.
"Very good!" says the teacher. She then calls on Melissa.
"WONDERFUL. My teacher is wonderful," she says.
"Excellent!" says the teacher. She sees that Little Dirty
Johnny has had his hand up for some time, so with no little
amount of trepidation, she calls on him.
"URINATE!" Johnny says.
"JOHHNY!!!" says the teacher, shocked.
"Urinate, but if your tits were bigger, you'd be a ten!"

Second version (S386)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-06-28
and From: DoctorDebt on 6/12/2004

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden,
he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones,
I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny,
that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The
correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word
'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight,
but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"

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Subj:     First Graders Learn Grown-Up Words (S31, S424b)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #183 on 97-08-26
      and From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/8/2005 Little Johnny
from Yahoo! Images

The kindergartners were now in the first grade. Their teacher
wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in
kindergarten. She told them to use grown-up words instead of
baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did
during the summer. The first little one said he went to see
his Nana. The teacher said, "No, No, you went to see your
grandmother. Use the grown-up word."

The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo-choo.
The teacher again said, "No, No, you went on a trip on a train.
That's the grown-up word."

The teacher asked the third one, Little Johnny, what he did
during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The
teacher asked what book he had read. Johnny puffed out his
chest and in a very adult way replied, "Winnie the Shit."

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Subj:     Tasting Lifesavers (S187, S515c)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 8/16/2003
      and From: darrell94590 on 11/30/2006

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to
broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With
their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones
to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.
Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of
lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine.

"Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these,"
announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to
identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the
teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their
mouths, every one of the children was stumped.

"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something
your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time."

Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his
mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!"

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Subj:     Mother Goose And Grimm (S590c)
          By Mike Peters
          From: Grimmy.com on May 5,2008
Drawing from Grimmy.com

Source: http://www.grimmy.com/comics.php

This cute comic strip concerns schools that teach to the test.
You can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     JC Biology Class (S16)
          From: Internet Joke Archive
          Also see 'College Biology Class' in COLLEGE2)

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's
junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you
please name the organ of the human body , which under the
appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size,
and define the conditions."

Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I
don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure
you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down
red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson
and asked the same question.

Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye,
in dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe, I have
three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your
lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will
some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

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Subj:     Old-Fashioned Catholic Discipline (S38, S565b)
          From: Don_Hatch on 97-05-14
      and From: rfslick on 11/17/2007

A ten year old public school boy was finding fifth grade math
to be the challenge of his life. Science? A piece of cake.
Geography? No big deal. Spelling? Ha! Give me a break...
but MATH? It was devastating! To not only him, but his mom
and dad, too! And not that they weren't doing everything and
anything to help their son...Private tutors, peer assistance,
CD-Roms, Textbooks, even HYPNOSIS! Nothing worked. Finally,
at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll
their son in a private school. Not just ANY private school,
but a Catholic school. Nuns. Weekly mass.. The whole
shootin' match.

Well, the first day of school finally arrived, and dressed in
his salt-and-pepper cords and white wool dress shirt and blue
cardigan sweater, the youngster ventured out into the great
unknown. His mother and father were convinced they were
doing the right thing. They were both there waiting for
their son when he returned home. And when he walked in with
a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face,
they hoped they had made the right choice. He walked right
past them and went straight to his room - and quietly closed
the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room -
with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding
floor. He only emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly
cleaning his plate, he went straight back to his room, closed
the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the
first quarter report card.

After school, the boy walked into the home with his report
card - unopened - in his hand. Without a word, he dropped
the envelope on the family dinner table and went straight to
his room. His parents were petrified. What lay inside the
envelope? Success? Failure? DOOM?!? Patiently, cautiously
the mother opened the letter, and to her amazement, she saw
a bright red "A" under the subject, MATH.

Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room,
thrilled at the remarkable progress of their young son! "Was
it the nuns that did it?", the father asked. The boy only
shook his head and said, "No."

"Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?", asked
the mother. Again, the boy shrugged, "No."

"The textbooks? The teacher? The curriculum?", asked the
father.

"Nope," said the son. "It was all very clear to me from the
very first day of school, that these folks in Catholic school
meant business!"

"How so?", asked his mom.

"When I walked into the lobby, and I saw that guy they'd
nailed to the plus sign, I knew they were serious!"

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Subj:     Teacher Deals With Sexual Exhaustion (S15, S330)
          From TNKRTEACH on 97-04-06
      and From: auntiegah on 5/28/2003

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for
not showing up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death
in the student's immediate family.

A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about
extreme sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles
sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly
says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write
with."

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Subj:     Lipstick On The Mirror (S23, S490c)
          From: Joke of the Day [arbon.com]
      and From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 6/13/2006

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a
few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying
it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the
mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He
gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told
them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at
2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the
school custodian waiting for them.

"Thank you for coming," said the Principal, "You will see
there are several lipstick kisses in the mirrors in this
washroom.."

Some of the girls grinned at each other.

"As you will understand, modern lipstick is cleverly designed
to stay on the lips, and so the lipstick is not easy at all
to clean from the mirrors. We have therefore had to develop
a special cleaning regime, and my hope is that when you see
the effort involved you will help spread the word that we'd
all be better off if those responsible for the kisses use
tissue paper instead of the mirrors in future.."

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a
handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest
toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the
mirror.

Beaverton School District
Beaverton, Oregon

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Subj:     Presents For The Teacher (S27, S531b)
          From: skingon on 97-07-18
      and From: darrell94590 on 3/19/2007

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten
teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held
it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some
flowers."

"That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"

"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The
teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I
bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.

"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner.
The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking.
She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and
touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No" the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process,
taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

"Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No" the boy replied.

The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give
up, what is it?"

The boy replied, "A puppy!"

               ^\
     /        / /o__o
    /\       /   ___/
    \ \______\ /
     \         /
      \ \---\ \
       \_ \_ \_\_

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Subj:     Unruly Class (S188)

While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board
Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students
were making in the next room. Angrily, he opened the door
and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing
most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and
stood him in the corner.

A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room
and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?"

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Subj:     First Grade Learns Animal Names (DU)
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-26
.
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She
holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows
what it is. No one raises his/her hand.

The teacher says, "See it's long neck? What animal has
a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.

"Very good, Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds
up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up
his/her hand.

"See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"

Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra.

"Very good, Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds
up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up
his/her hand.

"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns
like this?"

Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint: it's
something your mother calls your father."

Johnny shouts out, "I know what it is! It's a horny bastard."

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Subj:     Pepito Learns To Add (S191, S440b)
          From: Internet Joke Archive
      and From: CKButch4Femme on 6/28/2005
          (See 'Primary School Visits Farm' in COWS_SHEEP)

Pepito is at home doing his Math homework.

Pepito: "Two plus five the son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six the son of a bitch is nine".

In that moment, his mother comes in his room.

Mother: "But Pepito, what are you doing?! Why are you
saying that?!"
Pepito: "I'm doing my Math homework, mom".
Mother: "And is that what your teacher taught you?"
Pepito: "Yeees"

Next day, the mother, worried about the education his son
is receiving, goes to Pepito's school to talk to the teacher.

Mother: "I would like to know what you are teaching
           my son in Math?
Teacher: "Oh, sure. We are learning addition problems."
Mother: "And... are you teaching them to say two plus two
           the son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
Teacher: "No way! What I taught them was two plus two
           THE SUM OF WHICH IS four."

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Subj:     History Lesson (S503c)
          From: darrell94590
          on 9/7/2006

You can view this cute, dirty, series of cartoons on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Three smileys at school from
Smiley_Central

.