Subj: School2 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 23 jokes and articles)
Click "Here" for School-Supp2
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Subj: School2 Jokes (Gz) (Includes 23 jokes and articles) Click "Here" for School-Supp2 |
|
Pullcart from Animation Factory |
SCHOOL1 and 2 contains jokes
SCHOOL3 contains jokes and short jokes
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| Subj:
School Accident (S508b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/16/2006 |
 |
This picture is so funny, I almost
cried. You can view it
at the source above, or on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: What
Teachers Make (S465)
From: Gmahered on 12/14/2005
The dinner guests were sitting
around the table discussing
life. One man, a CEO,
decided to explain the problem with
education.
The CEO argued, ""What's a kid
going to learn from someone
who decided his best option
in life was to become a teacher?""
He reminded the other dinner
guests what they say about
teachers: ""Those who can, do.
Those who can't, teach.""
To stress his point he said
to another guest; ""You're a
teacher. Be honest. What do
you make?""
Having a reputation for honesty
and frankness replied, ""You
want to know what I make?
""I make kids work harder than
they ever thought they could.
I make a C+ feel like the winner
of the Congressional Medal
of Honor. I make kids
sit through 40 minutes of study hall
in absolute silence."
"You want to know what I make?
I make kids wonder. I make
them question. I make them criticize.
I make them apologize
and mean it. I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work
in math and perfect their
final drafts in English. I make
them understand that if you
have the brains, and follow
your heart, and if someone ever
tries to judge you by what you
make, you must pay no attention
because they just didn't learn.""
I paused and continued. ""You
want to know what I make?
'I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.' What
do you make?""
THIS IS WORTH SENDING TO EVERY
TEACHER YOU KNOW.
(And everyone on your mailing
list, for that matter).
THERE IS MUCH TRUTH IN THAT
STATEMENT.
""Teachers make every other
profession possible!""
\\\//
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Subj: The
New Principal (S269)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 3/25/2002
As a new school principal, Mr.
Mitchell was checking over
his school on the first day.
Passing the stockroom, he was
startled to see the door wide
open and teachers bustling in
and out, carrying off books
and supplies in preparation for
the arrival of students the
next day.
The school where he had been
a Principal the previous year
had used a check-out system
only slightly less elaborate
than that at Fort Knox.
Cautiously, he asked the school's
long time Custodian, "Do you
think it's wise to keep the
stock room unlocked and to let
the teachers take things
without requisitions?"
The Custodian looked at him gravely...
"We trust them with
the children, don't we?"
\\\//
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Subj: The
Next Survivor Show (S260c)
From: buddy94510 on 1/23/2002
Have you heard about the next planned Survivor show?
Three businessmen and three businesswomen
will be dropped
in an elementary school classroom
for 6 weeks. Each
business person will be provided
with a copy of their
school district's curriculum,
and a class of 28 students.
Each class will have five learning-disabled
children,
three with A.D.D., one gifted
child, and two who speak
limited English. Three
will be labeled as severe
behavior problems.
Each business person must complete
lesson plans at least
3 days in advance, with annotations
for curriculum
objectives and modify, organize,
or create materials
accordingly.
They will be required to teach
students, handle misconduct,
implement technology, document
attendance, write referrals,
correct homework, make
bulletin boards, compute grades,
complete report cards, document
benchmarks, communicate
with parents, and arrange parent
conferences.
They must also supervise recess
and monitor the hallways.
In addition, they will complete
drills for fire, tornadoes,
or shooting attacks.
They must attend workshops, (100
hours), faculty meetings,
union meetings, and curriculum
development meetings. They
must also tutor those students
who are behind, and strive
to get their 2 non-English speaking
children proficient
enough to take the Terra Nova
and EPA tests.
If they are sick, or having a
bad day, they must not let
it show. Each day, they
must incorporate reading, writing,
math, science, and social studies
into the program.
They must maintain discipline,
and provide an educationally
stimulating environment at all
times.
The business people will only
have access to the golf
course on the weekends, but
on their new salary they will
not be able to afford it anyway.
There will be no access to vendors
who want to take them
out to lunch, and lunch will
be limited to 30 minutes.
On days when they do not have
recess duty, the business
people will be permitted to
use the staff restroom, as
long as another survival candidate
is supervising their
class. They will be provided
with two 30-minute planning
periods per week while their
students are at specials.
If the copier is operable, they
may make copies of
necessary materials at this
time.
The business people must continually
advance their
education on their own time,
and pay for this advanced
training themselves. This can
be accomplished by moon-
lighting at a second job or
marrying someone with money.
The winner will be allowed to return to his or her job.
Pass this on to your friends
who think teaching is easy
and to the ones that think it
is hard. They will both
benefit.
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Subj: Kindergartener’s
Boots (S215, S427)
From: scott_pryor on 3/10/2001
and
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/1/2005
Did you hear about the teacher
who was helping one of her
kindergarten students put his
boots on? He asked for help
and she could see why. With
her pulling and him pushing, the
boots still didn't want to go
on.
When the second boot was on,
she had worked up a sweat. She
almost whimpered when the little
boy said, "Teacher, they're
on the wrong feet." She looked,
and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling
the boots off than it was
putting them on. She managed
to keep her cool as together
they worked to get the boots
back on... this time on the
right feet. He then announced,
"These aren't my boots." She
bit her tongue rather than get
right in his face and scream,
"Why didn't you say so?" like
she wanted to.
Once again she struggled to help
him pull the ill-fitting
boots off. He then said, "They're
my brother's boots. My Mom
made me wear them." She didn't
know if she should laugh or
cry. She mustered up the grace
to wrestle the boots on his
feet again.
She said, "Now, where are your
mittens?" He said, "I stuffed
them in the toes of my boots..."
\\\//
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Subj: God
Visits Earth (S205)
From: gheckman on 1/2/2001
One day in heaven, the Lord decided
He would visit the Earth
and take a stroll. Walking
down the road, He encountered a
man who was crying.
The Lord asked the man, "Why
are you crying, my son?"
The man said that he was blind
and had never seen a sunset.
The Lord touched the man, who
could then see and was happy.
As the Lord walked further, He
met another man crying and
asked, "Why are you crying,
my son?"
The man was born a cripple and
was never able to walk.
The Lord touched him and he
could walk and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord
met another man who was
crying and asked,
"Why are you crying, my son?"
The man said, "Lord, I work
for the school system."
......and the Lord sat down
and cried with him.
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Subj: Dumbing
Down Our Kids (S126)
From: Anaise on 7/2/99
Charles Sykes is
the author of Dumbing Down Our Kids. He
volunteered the following advice
to high school and college
graduates. It is a list of eleven
things kids do not learn in
school. In his book, he talks
about how the feel good
politically correct teachings
created a generation of kids
with no concept of reality,
and set them up for failure in
the real world. It seems to
me these rules have also been
forgotten (or never learned)
by many adults.
Rule 1 - Life is not fair; get
used to it.
Rule 2 - The world won't care
about your self-esteem. The
world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE
you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 - You will NOT make 40
thousand dollars a year right
out of high school. You won't be a vice president
with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4 - If you think your teacher
is tough, wait until you
get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
Rule 5 - Flipping burgers is
not beneath your dignity. Your
grandparents had a different word for burger
flipping; they called it opportunity.
Rule 6 - If you mess up, it's
not your parents' fault, so
don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7 - Before you were born,
your parents weren't as boring
as they are now. They got that way from paying your
bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you
talk about how cool you are. So before you save the
rain forest from the parasites of your parents'
generation, try delousing the closet in your own
room.
Rule 8 - Your school may have
done away with winners and
losers, but life has not. In some schools they have
abolished failing grade; they'll give you as many
times as you want to get the right answer. This, of
course, doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to
ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9 - Life is not divided
into semesters. You don't get
summers off, and very few employers are interested
in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own
time.
Rule 10 - Television is NOT
real life. In real life people
actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to
jobs.
Rule 11 - Be nice to nerds.
Chances are you'll end up
working for one.
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Subj: A Good
Friend (S128)
From: RFSlick on 98-10-12
and
From: TA989287 on 7/8/99
1. In kindergarten your idea
of a good friend was the person
who let you
have the red crayon when all that was left
was the ugly
brown one.
2. In first grade your idea
of a good friend was the person
who went
to the bathroom with you and held your hand as
you walked
through the scary halls.
3. In second grade your idea
of a good friend was the person
who helped
you stand up to the class bully.
4. In third grade your idea
of a good friend was the person
who shared
their lunch with you when you forgot yours on
the bus.
5. In fourth grade your idea
of a good friend was the person
who was willing
to switch square dancing partners in gym
so you wouldn't
have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty
Nicky or
Smelly Susan.
6. In fifth grade your idea
of a friend was the person who
saved a seat
on the back of the bus for you.
7. In sixth grade your idea
of a friend was the person who
went up to
Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them
to dance
with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't
have to be
embarrassed.
8. In seventh grade your idea
of a friend was the person who
let you copy
the social studies homework from the night
before that
you had forgotten about.
9. In eighth grade your idea
of a good friend was the person
who helped
you pack up your stuffed animals and old
baseball
cards so that your room would be a "high
schooler's"
room, but didn't laugh at you when you
finished
and broke out into tears.
10. In ninth grade your idea
of a good friend was the person
who went
with you to that "cool" party thrown by a senior
so you wouldn't
wind up being the only freshman there.
11. In tenth grade your idea
of a good friend was the person
who changed
their schedule so you would have someone to
sit with
at lunch.
12. In eleventh grade your idea
of a good friend was the
person who
gave you rides in their new car, convinced
your parents
that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you
when you
broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a
date to the
prom.
13. In twelfth grade your idea
of a good friend was the
person who
helped you pick out a college, assured you
that you
would get into that college helped you deal with
your parents
who were having a hard time adjusting to the
idea of letting
you go.
14. At graduation your idea of
a good friend was the person
who was crying
on the inside but managed the biggest
smile one
could give as they congratulated you.
15. The summer after twelfth
grade your idea of a good friend
was the person
who gave you a reason to get out of the
house when
you just couldn't deal with your parents,
assured you
that now that you and Nick or you and Susan
were back
together, you could make it through anything,
helped you
pack up for college and just silently hugged
you as you
looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of
memories
you were leaving behind, and finally on those
last days
of childhood, went out of their way to come
over and
send you off with a hug, a lot of memories,
reassurance
that you would make it in college as well as
you had these
past 18 years, and most importantly sent
you off to
college knowing you were loved.
16. Now, your idea of a good
friend is still the person who
gives you
the better of the two choices, holds your hand
when you're
scared, helps you fight off those who try to
take advantage
of you, thinks of you at times when you
are not there,
reminds you of what you have forgotten,
helps you
put the past behind you but understands when
you need
to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you
so that you
have confidence, goes out of their way to
make time
for you, helps you clear up your mistakes,
helps you
deal with pressure from others, smiles for
you when
they are sad, helps you become a better person,
and, most
important, loves you!
\\\//
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Subj: Little
Teddy's Teacher (S85)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-09-08
There is a story many years ago
of an
elementary teacher. Her
name was Mrs.
Thompson. And as she stood
in front of her
5th grade class on the very
first day of school,
she told the children a lie.
Like most teachers,
she looked at her students and
said that she
loved them all the same.
But that was
impossible, because there in
the front row,
slumped in his seat, was a little
boy named
Teddy Stoddard.
Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy
the year
before and noticed that he didn't
play well with
the other children, that his
clothes were messy
and that he constantly needed
a bath. And
Teddy could be unpleasant.
It got to the point
where Mrs. Thompson would actually
take
delight in marking his papers
with a broad red
pen, making bold X's and then
putting a big "F"
at the top of his papers.
At the school where Mrs. Thompson
taught,
she was required to review each
child's past
records and she put Teddy's
off until last.
However, when she reviewed his
file, she was
in for a surprise.
Teddy's first grade teacher wrote,
"Teddy is a
bright child with a ready laugh.
He does his
work neatly and has good manners...he
is a joy
to be around."
His second grade teacher wrote,
"Teddy is an
excellent student, well liked
by his classmates,
but he is troubled because his
mother has a
terminal illness and life at
home must be a
struggle."
His third grade teacher wrote,
"His mother's
death has been hard on him.
He tries to do his
best but his father doesn't
show much interest
and his home life will soon
affect him if some
steps aren't taken."
Teddy's fourth grade teacher
wrote, "Teddy is
withdrawn and doesn't show much
interest in
school. He doesn't have
many friends and
sometimes sleeps in class."
By now, Mrs. Thompson realized
the problem
and she was ashamed of herself.
She felt
even worse when her students
brought her
Christmas presents, wrapped
in beautiful
ribbons and bright paper, except
for Teddy's.
His present which was clumsily
wrapped in the
heavy, brown paper that he got
from a grocery
bag.
Mrs. Thompson took pains to open
it in the
middle of the other presents.
Some of the
children started to laugh when
she found a
rhinestone bracelet with some
of the stones
missing, and a bottle that was
one quarter full
of perfume. But she stifled
the children's
laughter when she exclaimed
how pretty the
bracelet was, putting it on,
and dabbing some
of the perfume on her wrist.
Teddy Stoddard stayed after school
that day
just long enough to say, "Mrs.
Thompson,
today you smelled just like
my Mom used to."
After the children left she
cried for at least an
hour.
On that very day, she quit teaching
reading,
and writing, and arithmetic.
Instead, she
began to teach children.
Mrs. Thompson paid particular
attention to
Teddy. As she worked with
him, his mind
seemed to come alive. The more
she
encouraged him, the faster he
responded. By
the end of the year, Teddy had
become one of
the smartest children in the
class and, despite
her lie that she would love
all the children the
same, Teddy became one her "teacher's
pets."
A year later, she found a note
under her door,
from Teddy, telling her that
she was still the
best teacher he ever had in
his whole life.
Six years went by before she
got another note
from Teddy. He then wrote
that he had
finished high school, third
in his class, and she
was still the best teacher he
ever had in his
whole life.
Four years after that, she got
another letter,
saying that while things had
been tough at
times, he'd stayed in school,
had stuck with it,
and would soon graduate from
college with the
highest of honors. He
assured Mrs. Thompson
that she was still the best
and favorite teacher
he ever had in his whole life.
Then four more years passed and
yet another
letter came. This time he explained
that after
he got his bachelor's degree,
he decided to go
a little further. The letter
explained that she
was still the best and favorite
teacher he ever
had. But now his name
was a little longer --
the letter was signed,
Theodore F. Stoddard,
M.D.
The story doesn't end there.
You see, there
was yet another letter that
spring. Teddy said
he'd met this girl and was going
to be married.
He explained that his father
had died a couple
of years ago and he was wondering
if Mrs.
Thompson might agree to sit
in the place at the
wedding that was usually reserved
for the
mother of the groom.
Of course, Mrs. Thompson did.
And guess
what? She wore that
bracelet, the one with
several rhinestones missing.
And she made
sure she was wearing the perfume
that Teddy
remembered his mother wearing
on their last
Christmas together.
They hugged each other, and Dr.
Stoddard
whispered in Mrs. Thompson's
ear, "Thank you
Mrs. Thompson for believing
in me. Thank you
so much for making me feel important
and
showing me that I could make
a difference."
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in
her eyes,
whispered back. She said,
"Teddy, you have it
all wrong. You were the
one who taught me
that I could make a difference.
I didn't know
how to teach until I met you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can easily judge the character
of others by
how they treat those who can
do nothing for
them or to them. --Malcolm Forbes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
Never be quick to judge.
A persons present situation does
not necessarily dictate his
future.
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Subj: Cute
Bake Sale Sign (S451)
From: Anon Jr. on 9/10/2005
Source: http://www.northernsun.com/images/thumb/5729Bakesale.jpg
 |
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Subj: Day
On The Sesame Street Bus (S206)
From: Anaise on 98-02-19
There was this guy who just got
a new job as a school bus
driver for elementary school
children. He thought it would
be nice to paint the school
bus with characters from Sesame
Street. So, he painted
Bert and Ernie, Big Bird, The Cookie
Monster and so forth.
At his first stop, there was this
very over-weight little girl.
He opened the door and said
"Hi, I'm the new bus driver.
What is your name?"
The girl said that her name was Pattie.
Waiting at the next stop was
another over-weight little girl.
He said, "Hi, I'm the new bus
driver. What is your name?"
She said that her name was Pattie also.
At the next stop, there was a
grown woman and a little boy.
The bus driver said, "Hi, I'm
the new bus driver. What is
your name?"
The woman piped up and said,
"His name is Ross and he is my
son." She continued, "He
is very, very special, so I want
you to take extra good care
of him." The bus driver replied,
"No problem." "He can
have this seat right behind me and I
can watch him really good in
the mirror."
At the next stop, there was this
little country boy standing
there. The little boy
was wearing tattered overalls and had
no shoes or socks on his feet.
The poor little boy had
problems walking because of
bunions all over his feet. The
bus driver said, "Hi, I'm the
new bus driver. What is your
name?"
The little boy replied, "My name is Lester Cleese."
Well, little Lester picked at
his bunions all the way to the
school house, nearly driving
the driver crazy. Later that
night, at home, his wife asked
him how his first day on the
new job was.
The man replied:
Well, I had Two Obese Patties,
Special Ross, Lester Cleese
Picking Bunions On A Sesame
Street Bus."
\\\//
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| Subj:
Little Johnny's Summer Vacation (DU)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98 . |
 |
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
Well it's the start of the new
school year and the teacher
say that little Johnny has a
story for us class. Ok little
Johnny tell your story.
Little Johnny get up in front of
the class and starts his story.
Over summer vacation I went
to my grandfathers house and
he has a big barn with a big
cock on top of it. Where
ever the cock points that is where
the wind is blowing. The
teacher says that was a very good
story Little Johnny but why
does it have to be a cock,
little Johnny look at his teacher
and says, well if it was
a cunt the wind would blow right
through it.
\\\//
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Subj: Well
Known Proverbs By First Graders (S120, S451)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-11-11
and
From: julie on 9/8/2005
Ah, the mind of a six year old...
A first grade school teacher
in Virginia had twenty-five
students in her class.
She presented each child in her
classroom with the first half
of a well known proverb and
asked them to come up with the
remainder of the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were
actually done by first
graders. Their insight
may surprise you. While reading
these keep in mind that these
are first graders, 6-year-
olds, because the last one is
classic!
As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You... Mess It Up.
Better Be Safe Than................. Punch A 5th Grader.
Strike While The.................... Bug Is Close.
It's Always Darkest Before.......... Daylight Savings Time.
Never Under Estimate The Power Of... Termites.
You Can Lead A Horse To Water But... How?
Don't Bite The Hand That............ Looks Dirty.
No News Is.......................... Impossible.
A Miss Is As Good As A.............. Mr.
You Can't Teach An Old Dog New...... Math.
If You Lie Down With The Dogs,
You'll... Stink In The
Morning.
Love All, Trust..................... Me
The Pen Is Mightier Than The........ Pigs.
An Idle Mind Is..................... The Best Way To Relax.
Where There's Smoke, There's........ Pollution.
Happy The Bride Who................. Gets All The Presents!
A Penny Saved Is.................... Not Much.
Two's Company, Three's.............. The Musketeers.
Don't Put Off Tomorrow What......... You Put On To Go To Bed.
Laugh And The Whole World Laughs
With You,
Cry And........................
You Have to Blow Your Nose.
None Are So Blind As................ Stevie Wonder.
Children Should Be Seen And Not..... Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed....... Get New Batteries.
You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.
When The Blind Leadeth The Blind.... Get Out Of The Way.
There Is No Fool Like............... Aunt Eddie.
And my favorite...
Better late than.................... pregnant
From: julie@shamrockgold.com on 9/8/2005
Don't change horses.................
until they stop running.
\\\//
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Subj: Famous
Quotations By Fourth Graders (S51)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #11 on 98-01-12
A teacher gave her fourth-grade
students the beginning of a
list of famous sayings and asked
them to provide original
endings for each one.
Here are some examples of what they
submitted:
The grass is always greener when you leave the sprinkler on.
A rolling stone plays the guitar.
The grass is always greener when you remember to water it.
A bird in the hand is a real mess.
No news is no newspaper.
It's better to light one candle than to waste electricity.
It's always darkest just before I open my eyes.
You have nothing to fear but homework.
If you can't stand the heat, don't start the fireplace.
If you can't stand the heat, go swimming.
Never put off 'til tomorrow what you should have done yesterday.
A penny saved is nothing in the real world.
The squeaking wheel gets annoying.
We have nothing to fear but our principal.
To err is human. To eat a muskrat is not.
I think, therefore I get a headache.
Better to light a candle than to light an explosive.
It's always darkest before 9:30 p.m.
Early to bed and early to rise is first in the bathroom.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a blister.
There is nothing new under the bed.
The grass is always greener when you put manure on it.
Don't count your chickens -- it takes too long.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and someone yells, "Shut up!"
\\\//
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Subj: 1923
Elementary School Teacher Requirements (S159)
From: smiles on 02/16/2000
The following was found in the
Utah County Journal; it's an
article outlining some of the
agreements in a 1923 elementary
school teacher's contract for
female teachers teaching in
Payson City, Utah.
1. Teacher is not to get married.
This contract becomes
null and
void if teacher marries.
2. Teacher is not to keep the
company of men.
3. Teacher must be home between
the hours of 8 P.M. and
6 A.M. unless
in attendance at a school function.
4. Teacher may not loiter downtown
in ice cream parlors.
5. Teacher may not leave town
at any time without
permission
of the Chairman of the Board of Trustees.
6. Teacher is not to smoke
cigarettes or drink wine, beer
or whiskey.
7. Teacher may not ride in
a carriage with any man except
her brother
or father.
8. Teacher is not to dress
in bright colors.
9. Teacher may not dye her
hair.
10. Teacher will not wear dresses
more than two inches
above the
ankle.
11. Teacher is to wear at least
two petticoats.
12. Teacher is to bring a bucket
to school to clean
and scrub
the building every week.
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Subj: Real
Teachers (S405b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/15/2004
Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil in bulk at Sam's.
Real teachers will eat anything left in the teacher's lounge.
Real teachers grade papers in
the car, during commercials,
in faculty meetings, in the
bathroom, and at the end of
nine weeks have even been seen
grading in church.
Real teachers know that sixth
graders
get hormones from Santa
at Christmas.
Real teachers cheer when they
hear that
April 1st does not fall on a
school day.
Real teachers can't walk past
a crowd of kids
without straightening up the
line.
Real teachers never sit down
without
first checking the seat of the
chair.
Real teachers have disjointed
necks from
writing on boards without turning
around.
Real teachers are written up
in medical journals
for the size and elasticity
of their bladders.
Real teachers wear glasses from
trying to read
the fine print in the teacher's
manuals.
Real teachers have been timed
gulping down lunch in 2 minutes
18 seconds. Master teachers
can eat faster than that.
Real teachers can predict exactly
which
parents show up at open house.
Real teachers understand the
importance
of making sure every kid gets
a Valentine.
Real teachers never teach the
conjugations
of "lie" and "lay" to eighth
graders.
Thanks The Irish Warlock
\\\//
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Subj: Are
You An Elementary School Teacher (S154)
From: smiles on 01/11/2000
A quiz... I kind of think this
quiz can tell if you are mom
to young kids too...
Are You A TRUE Elementary School Teacher? Let's Find Out:
Chapter 1 Do you ask guests if
they have remembered their
scarves and mittens as
they leave your home?
Chapter 2 Do you move your dinner
partner's glass away
from the edge of the
table?
Chapter 3 Do you ask if anyone
needs to go to the bathroom
as you enter a theater
with a group of friends?
4. Do you hand a tissue to anyone who sneezes?
5. Do you refer to happy hour as "snack time"?
6. Do you declare "no cuts"
when a shopper squeezes ahead of
you in a
checkout line?
7. Do you say "I like the way
you did that" to the mechanic
who repairs
your car nice?
8. Do you ask "Are you sure
you did your best?" to the
mechanic
who fails to repair your car to your
satisfaction?
9. Do you sing the "Alphabet
Song" to yourself as you look
up a number
in the phone book?
10. Do you say everything twice?
I mean, do you repeat
everything?
11. Do you fold your spouse's
fingers over the coins as you
hand him/her
the money at a tollbooth?
12. Do you ask a quiet person
at a party if he has something
to share
with the group?
~~~
* If you answered yes to 4 or
more, it's in your soul--you
are hooked on teaching.
And if you're not a teacher, you
missed your calling.
* If you answered yes to 8 or
more, well, maybe it's *too
much* in your soul--you
should probably begin thinking
about retirement.
* If you answered yes to all
12, forget it--you'll *always*
be a teacher, retired
or not!
\\\//
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Subj: You
Might Be In Education IF.....
From TNKRTEACH on 97-03-29
1. you believe the staff
room should be equipped with a
Valium
salt lick.
2. you find humor in other
people's stupidity.
3. you want to slap the next
person who says, "Must be nice
to work 8
to 3 and have your summers free."
4. you believe chocolate is
a food group.
5. you can tell it's a full
moon without ever looking
outside.
6. you believe "shallow gene
pool" should have
its own box
on the report card.
7. you believe that unspeakable
evils will befall you if
anyone says,
"Boy, the
kids are sure mellow today."
8. when out in public, you
feel the urge to snap your
fingers at
a child.
9. you have no time for a life
from August throught June.
10. putting all "As" on a report
card would make your life SO
much easier.
11. when you mention "vegetables,"
you are not talking about a
food group.
12. you think people should
be required to get
a government
permit before being allowed to reproduce.
13. you believe in the aerial
spraying of Prozac.
14. you encourage a parent to
check into home schooling.
15. you believe no one should
be permitted to reproduce
without having
taught in a middle school for at least
five years.
16. you can't have children
because there isn't any name
you can hear
that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.
17. you think caffeine should
be available to staff in IV
form.
18. meeting a child's parents
instantly answers the question,
"Why is this
kid like that?"
19. your personal life comes
to a screeching halt
at report
card time.
Top
Subj: You
Might Be In Education If...
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-12-19
* You can converse in middle
schoolease.
* Your last nerve is a distant
memory...
* Every day is a bad hair day.
* You find humor in public parental
discipline.
* You worry about getting sued
for self-esteem violations.
* You believe the staff room
should be equipped with Valium
salt licks.
* You stand on your front porch
instructing the neighbor
children to "Walk!"
* Junior Highers make you feel
old but
you could not be paid
to be that age again...
* You refer to adults as "boys
and girls".
* You encourage your husband
by telling him he is a "good
helper".
* You believe chocolate is a
major food group.
* You can tell it's a full moon
without ever looking outside.
* You believe "extremely annoying"
should have its own box
on the report card.
* When you are out in public
you snap your fingers at
children who are misbehaving.
* You give your husband "the
look" when he "misbehaves."
* You have no life from August
through June.
* Putting all A's on the report
card would be so much easier.
* You encourage a parent to
check into home schooling.
* You think that caffeine should
be available in I V form.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #166 on 98-07-05
* When out in public, you feel
the urge to talk to
strange children and
correct their behavior.
* You wonder how some parents
ever MANAGED to reproduce.
\\\//
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Subj: 12 Rules
Kids Won't Learn In School (S153)
(Also see 'Bill
Gates' Message on Life' in JOBS3)
(See 'Bill
Of No Rights' in POLITICAL1)
1. Life is not fair. Get used
to it.
2. The real world won't care
as much about your self esteem
as your school
does. It'll expect you to accomplish
something
before you feel good about yourself. This may
come as a
shock.
3. Sorry, you won't make $40,000
a year right out of high
school.
4. If you think your teacher
is tough, wait until you get a
boss.
5. Flipping burgers is not
beneath your dignity.
6. It is not your parents'
fault. If you screw up, YOU
are responsible.
7. Before you were born your
parents weren't as boring as
they are
now. They got that way paying your bills,
cleaning
up your room, and listening to you tell them how
idealistic
you are.
8. Life is not divided into
semesters. You won't get summers
off.
9. Smoking does not make you
look cool. It makes you look
like a moron.
10. You are not immortal.
11. Your school may be outcome-based.
Life isn't.
12. Enjoy this while you can.
\\\//
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Subj: Excuses
To Stay Home (S237, S452b)
From: kmacinty on 8/10/2001
and
From: darrell94590 on 9/13/2005
Excuses actually received by
teachers at school via notes
from home...from San Francisco
Teacher, 1978 (including
spelling): The last two
came from other cities.
Lillian was absent from school because she had a going over.
Please excuse Pedro from being
absent yesterday. he had
(diahre)(dyrea) (direathe) the
runs. [words in ()'s were
crossed out.]
Ralph was absent yesterday because of a sore trout.
Please excuse Sara for being
absent. She was sick and I
had her shot.
My son is under a doctor's care
and should not take fizacal
ed. today. Please execute
him.
Please excuse Lisa for being
absent. She was sick and I
had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John
being absent on Jan. 28,
29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
Please excuse Roland from P.E.
for a few days. Yesterday
he fell out of a tree and misplaced
his hip.
John has been absent because
he had two teeth taken out
of face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because
he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school
today because she has been
bothered by very close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Tommy for being
absent yesterday. He had
diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing
school yesterday. We
forgot to get the Sunday paper
off the porch, and when we
found it Monday, we thought
it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week
from Friday. We have to
attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday
because she was tired.
She spent a weekend with the
Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being
absent yesterday. He had
a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being
absent yesterday. She was
in bed with gramps.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
Maryann was absent December 11-16,
because she had a fever,
sore throat, headache and upset
stomach. Her sister was
also sick, fever and sore throat,
her brother had a low
grade fever and ached all over.
I wasn't the best either,
sore throat and fever. There
must be something going
around, her father even got
hot last night.
I kept Billie home because she
had to go Christmas
shopping because I don't know
what size she wears.
Please excuse little Jimmy for
not being in school
yesterday. His father
is gone and I could not get
him ready because I was in bed
with the doctor.
\\\//
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Subj: Jesus
Taught The Disciples (S348)
Reprinted without permission
from "The CTA Reporter
(CTA means 'Classroom Teacher's
Association'):
The Lesson
Then Jesus took His disciples
up the mountain and gathered
them around Him. He taught
them saying, "Blessed are the
poor in spirit for theirs is
the kingdom of heaven. Blessed
are the meek. Blessed
are they that mourn. Blessed are
they who thirst after righteousness.
Blessed are they who
are persecuted. Blessed
are they who suffer. Be glad and
rejoice for your reward is great
in heaven. Remember what
I am telling you."
Then Simon Peter said, "Do we have to write this down?"
And Andrew said, "Are we supposed to know this?"
And James said, "Will we be tested on it?"
And Bartholomew said, "Do we have to turn this in?"
And John said, "The other disciples didn't have to learn this."
And the other disciples likewise.
Then one of the Pharisees who
was present asked to see Jesus'
lesson plan and inquired of
Jesus His terminal objectives in
the cognitive domain.
And Jesus wept.
\\\//
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| Subj:
Seatbelt Sign (S510b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 10/25/2006 |
 |
In America we can put what's
on our mind in any sign we own.
You can view this sign at the
source above, or on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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 |
Snow day from
Smiley_Central |
