Subj: School3 Jokes
(Includes 84 jokes and articles, 09 1039,3,cf,wYT4b,2)
Click "Here" for School-Supp
SCHOOL1 and 2 contains jokes
SCHOOL3 contains jokes and short jokes
Subj: Mother Goose & Grimm (S1006)
By Mike Peters on 4/30/2016
Presents 'To The Teacher' (S232, S642a)
From: BennoRo on 7/5/2001
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
This was unusual... The
teacher asked "Children, who
wrote this on the board?"
Little Johnny raised his hand,
"I did teacher." So she
asked, "What does it mean?"
He said, "To the teacher, one
apple." He went up and
gave her an apple. She said, "Thank You."
The next morning she arrived
to find another cryptic note
on the blackboard: " T T T l O "
"Children, who wrote this on the board?" the teacher asked.
Bobby raised his hand and said
"I did teacher." She
asked, "Well Bobby, what does that mean?"
He said, "To the teacher, one
orange," and he gave her
an orange. "Very good," says the teacher, "Thank You."
The following day when she got
to class she noticed
another note: " F U C K l T ."
This was disappointing.
The teacher roared "WHO WROTE
THAT ON THE BOARD?!" Little Pepito raised his hand,
"I did teacher." "Well what does this mean, Pepito?"
"It means: From us Chicano kids, one tamale."
Palisades High School Answering Machine
From: jtgalvan on 1/23/2006 (S471d)
High School Symbol
Subj: Teacher Gets To Know Kids (S270b, S468, DU)
From: gheckman on 3/31/2002
and From: hellgunner50 on 1/8/2006
It's the first day of school
in Houston and the teacher
thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their
name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says: "My
name is Mary and my daddy
is a postman."
The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."
Then one little boy says: "My
name is Jimmy and my father
is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men."
The teacher gasps and quickly
changes the subject, but
later in the school yard the teacher approaches Jimmy
privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad
dances nude in a gay bar. He blushed and said,
"No," the boy said, "He
works for the Democratic National
Committee and is helping to secure the nomination of Hilary
Clinton, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of
the other kids."
Teacher Gets To Know Kids II (S357, S569c)
Made by Talking Tom
From: Steven Sanfilippo on Facebook
from Yahoo! Images
||Little Johnny was in his
4th grade class when
the teacher asked the children what their
fathers did for a living. Click 'HERE' to
listen to this Talking Tom's joke of Little
Johnny's fathers occupation.
Actually, I think this applies
more to our teacher nightmares
than the thoughts of our kids.....which, while I think about
it, it says a LOT for us as their teachers.
by Max Fatchan
The witches mumble horrid chants,
You're scolded by five thousand ants,
A martian pulls a fearsome face
And hurls you into Outer Space,
You're tied in front of whistling trains,
A tomahawk has sliced your brains,
The tigers snarl, the giants roar,
You're sat on by a dinosaur.
In vain you're shouting ''Help'' and ''Stop''
The walls are spinning like a top,
The earth is melting in the sun
And all the horror's just begun.
And, oh, the screams, the thumping hearts
That awful night before school starts.
Subj: New School Prayer (S169, S468b)
From: TAdams on 4/18/00
and From: DoctorDebt on 1/10/2006
Since the Pledge of Allegiance
and The Lord's Prayer are
not allowed in most public schools anymore because the
word "God" is mentioned.... a teen in Bagdad, Arizona
wrote the New School Prayer.
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot;
My soul please take!
Subj: Man Dies And Goes To Heaven (S166, S337)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 04/02/2000
and From: LABLaughs.com on 7/8/2003
'Being Asked About Salary At The Pearly Gates'
Subj: Indian Student's First Day (S161, S661b)
From: RFSlick on 2/26/00
and From: tom on 9/12/2009
It was the first day of
school in the USA and a new Indian
student named Chandrasekhar Patel entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin
by reviewing some American
History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death"?
She saw a sea of blank faces,
except for Chandrasekhar, who
had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.
Who said 'Government of the People,
by the People, for the
People, shall not perish from the Earth?'
Again, no one responded except
from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham
Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class,
you should be ashamed.
Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about
its history than you do.
She heard a loud whisper: 'F*ck the Indians,'
'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and
asks 'All right! Now, who said
Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George
Bush to the Japanese
Prime Minister, 1991.
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his
chair waving his hand and
shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,
Now with almost mob hysteria
someone said, 'You little
shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Chandrasekhar frantically yells
at the top of his voice,
'Michael Jackson to the child witness testifying against
'The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around
the teacher on the floor,
someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly,
"Illinois Governor Rod
Blagojevich, December 9, 2008."
|Subj: Female Teacher
Kicks Three Boys Out of Class
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 12/21/1999
from Yahoo! Images
A young female teacher was giving
an assignment to her
Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she
started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there
was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She
quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she
yells, "I don't want to see
you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the
chalkboard. Realizing she
had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the
very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even
louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns
and asks,"What's so funny Billy?"
"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of
my classroom!" This time the
punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for
Embarrassed and frustrated, she
drops the eraser when she
turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This
time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."
Subj: What A Teacher Does (S129b, S648)
From: smiles on 6/22/99
and From: gattica30 on 6/5/2009
This is from a brand new teacher ......
Let me see if I've got this right.
You want me to go into
that room with all those kids, and fill their every waking
moment with a love for learning.
Not only that, I'm to instill
a sense of pride in their
ethnicity, behaviorally modify disruptive behavior, and
observe them for signs of abuse.
I am to fight racism, patriotism,
the war on drugs and
sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for
guns and raise their self-esteem.
I'm to teach them good citizenship,
sportsmanship and fair
play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a
checkbook and how to apply for a job, but I am never to ask
if they are in this country illegally.
I am to check their heads occasionally
for lice, maintain a
safe environment, recognize signs of potential antisocial
behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for
student employment and scholarships, encourage a respect for
the cultural diversity of others, and, oh yeah, teach, always
making sure that I give the girls in my class fifty percent
of my attention.
I'm required by my contract to
be working on my own time
(summers and evenings) and at my own expense towards
additional certification, advanced certification and a
master's degree, to sponsor the cheerleaders or the
sophomore class (my choice) and after school.
I am to attend committee and
faculty meetings and
participate in staff development training to maintain my
current certification and employment status.
I am to be a paragon of virtue
larger than life, such that
my very presence will awe my students into being obedient
and respectful of authority.
I am to purchase supplies, room
decorations, bulletin board
supplies, supplies for children who can't afford them, and
luxury items such as scissors, glue, scotch tape, paper
clips, note book paper, red pens, and markers with my own
money as there is no money in the budget for these items.
I'm to do all of this with just
a piece of chalk, a few
books and a bulletin board, and on a starting salary that
qualifies my family for food stamps in many states.
Is that all? Work like you don't
need the money, Love like
you've never been hurt before, and Dance like no one is
Subj: Homework Policy (S119, DU)
From: Anaise on 5/10/99
Here is an explanation of our homework policy :
Students should not spend more
than 90 minutes per night.
The time should be budgeted in the following manner:
--15 minutes looking for
--11 minues calling a friend for the assignment
--23 minutes explaining to parents why the teacher is mean
and just does not like children
---8 minutes in the bathroom
--10 minutes getting a snack
---7 minutes checking the TV Guide
---6 minutes telling parents that the teacher
never explained the homework
--10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting
for Mom to do the assignment
LONG TERM ASSIGNMENTS:
These are given the night before
they are due. This explains
the name "long term". It is a long term commitment to time
that begins at 9:30PM and ends at 11:50PM. It is important
that the whole family is involved in the project. It is
imperative that at least one family member race to Walmart
for posterboard, and that one family member ends up in tears
(does not have to be the student).
One parent needs to stay up and
complete the project. The
other parent needs to call the school and leave a message
that the student is out sick.
It is not necessary to have the
student's name on the
Subj: PUZZLE - Calculating Teacher's Age (S119)
From: collins2 on 5/11/99
Mrs. Porter's students were singing
"happy birthday" to her
when playfully they warbled, "How old are you?"
"It's not polite to ask a lady
about her age, but there is
a way in which you can figure it out for yourselves...by
doing a little math."
With that, the instructor presented
the following mind-
stretchers to her curious scholars.
"Some months have 30 days; others
have 3l. But how many
"If a basket's filled with 20
apples and you take away
seven of them, how many do you have?
A farmer has 80 head of cattle
and all but 30 are sold.
How many does he have left?
"How many animals of each gender did Moses take on the Ark?
"How many birthdays does the average person have?"
Smiling, Mrs. Porter directed,
"Now, all that you have to
do is take the answers to each of the five questions and
add them together. The figure you come up with will tell
you which birthday I'm celebrating today."
By our calculations, the answers
l2 (every month has at least 28 days).
7 (you took them).
30 (the cattle that weren't sold).
0 (Noah, not Moses, captained the Ark).
l (you are only born once).
With a little addition, it's
elementary, the teacher
Class Learns Stories With Morals (S116, S773)
From: Tom_Adams on 4/14/99 and 11/5/2011
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
The teacher gave her fifth grade
class an assignment: get
their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end
of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began
to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer
and we have a lot of egg-
laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in
a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump
in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made
"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"
"Our family are farmers too.
But we raise chickens for the
meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they
hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this
story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Lucy.
Johnny do you have a story to
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me
this story about my uncle Bob.
Uncle Bob was a pilot in Vietnam and his plane got hit. He
had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a
bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. He drank
the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then
he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He
killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran
out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete
till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with
his bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified
teacher, " What kind of
moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Don't f*** with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."
Little Johnny Learns About Sex In School
From: RFSlick on 99-03-13 (S111, S671)
(See 'Fourteen Year Old Has First Sex' on Sex1
from Yahoo! Images
Little Johnny returns from school
and upon being greeted by
his mother is immediately asked, "What did you learn today
in school Johnny?" He answers that he learned about sex
today in class. His mother asked him just what was taught.
Johnny said he learned about vaginas, penises, Coitus, human
anatomy and fondling genitalia including masturbation. His
mother became enraged and sent him to his room telling him
to await the arrival of his father from work.
In the interim she called her
sister on the phone and
explained the tragedy to her. Her sister being a few years
her junior and a little more current with the times, persuaded
her that this is the twenty-first century and that sex is now
being taught in school.
Mother went to Johnny's room,
and entering without first
knocking, walks in on him, and catches him masturbating.
She immediately says to him, "When you get done with your
homework, you can watch T. V."
Subj: Teacher's Salaries (S105, S325)
From: RFSlick on 4/24/2003
Typed by AJSwitzer
I'm fed up with teachers and
their hefty salary schedules.
What we need is a little perspective. If I had my way, I'd
pay these teachers myself. I'd pay them babysitting wages.
That's right-instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I'd
give them $3.00 an hour out of my own pocket. And I'm only
going to pay them for 5 hours, not for any coffee breaks.
That would be $15.00 a day-each
parent should pay $15.00 a
day for these teachers to babysit their child. Even if they
have more than one child, it's still a lot cheaper than
Now, how many children do they
teach a day-maybe 20? That's
$15.00 times 20 equals $300.00. But remember, they only work
180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for all these
vacations. $300.00 times 180 equals $54,000 (Hold on a minute,
I think my calculator isn't working right.)
I know teachers will ask what
about those teachers who have
10 or more years of experience and a Master's degree? Well,
maybe (to be fair) they could get minimum wage, and instead
of just babysitting, they could read the kids a story or
something. We could round that off to $5.00 an hour, times
20 children. That's $500.00 a day times 180 days. That's
Huh? Wait a minute, let's
get a perspective here. Baby-
sitting wages are too good for these teachers. Where did
we put that salary schedule?
Subj: Short School Jokes
Irish Girl Calls Demolition Company (S511wma)
From: darrell94590 on 11/14/2006 (in Contractor)
Drawing from Ginny Prior Media Services
This 1,500 KB radio broadcast
is a call by a young Irish
girl to a demolition company. She asks them to destroy
her school. You can listen to the funny recording by
clicking 'HERE'. Down loads a file to your computer
when running Google-Chrome.
Subj: Nursery Students Learn Of Freedom (S285b)
From: morinhome on 7/17/2002
For the Fourth of July a nursery school teacher took the
opportunity to tell her class about patriotism.
"We live in a great country,"
she said. "One of the
things we should be happy is that, in this country, we
are all free."
One little boy came walking up
to her from the back of
the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said:
"I'm not free. I'm four."
Subj: Boys Vs Girls In School (S254b)
From: jerry on 12/10/2001
Why a man needs a woman.
A University of Hong Kong study
claims that while girls
perform better academically in all-girl schools, boys'
academic results suffer in all-boy schools.
Even in co-educational classes
girls outperformed boys
in most subjects.
Specifically girls did much better
in science without
boys around and boys did particularly badly in the arts
without girls being around.
While kind of on the subject,
reading this reminded me
of something Red Skeleton once said: "We all make
mistakes, but married men find out about theirs sooner."
South China Morning Post 1-Dec-01
Subj: Teaching German (S251)
From: jerry on 11/19/2001
Newt Gingrich, for his attempt to explain how teachers
should and should not be selected:
"You can now get a certificate
to teach German by sitting
through enough classes, but if you speak German, you can't
teach German, you can't teach German if you don't have a
certificate. So you can have a German teacher who can't
speak German but they have the certificate so they can
teach, even though they can't teach.
If you can speak it, you can't
teach it, even if you could
teach it. Are you with me so far?"
Subj: A Test Of Courage In School (S248)
From: jerry on 10/30/2001
Schools who don't keep their students busy enough.
Bonehead award two goes to three
teenagers in Mount
Vision, New York from the Morris Central School who,
as a test of courage, or more accurately a testament
to their stupidity, shot each other in the leg with a
.22 caliber rifle.
They've been charged with second-degree
will recover from their physical wounds.
Associated Press via Newsday
(Long Island, NY) 27-Oct-01
Subj: Teacher Arrested (S244)
From: jerry on 10/1/2001
Bonehead award four, a ''stupidest excuse in the world
bonehead award'' goes to a Milwaukee Public School High
School teacher who, after being arrested for possession
of child pornography, after asking the school librarian
to make a copy of a video showing two of the students
having sex, explained that he wanted a copy because,
among other things, he wanted to strengthen his student/
teacher relationship with the young man.
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel 14-Sep-01
Subj: Illinois Teacher Tests (S241)
From: bonehead on 9/10/2001
According to the Chicago Sun-Times, 5,243 Illinois teachers
failed 24 out of 25 teacher competency tests, many of the
tests being at the eighth and ninth grade level.
Chicago Sun-Times 6-Sep-01
Subj: Teacher Discusses Blood Circulation (S216, S451)
From: RFSlick on 3/18/2001
and From: LABLaughsClean on 9/7/2005 (S451b - political2)
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the
blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now,
class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know,
would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes" the class said. "Then why
is it that while I am
standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood
doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted,
"Cause yer feet ain't empty."
Subj: Note Sent Home From The Teacher (S206)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com ON 1/5/2001
Joey's teacher send a note home to his mother saying, "Joey
seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his
time thinking about sex and girls."
Joey's mother wrote back the
very next day, "If you find a
solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his
Subj: Marine Teacher's Discipline Solution (S186, S1039)
From: rlr29 on 8/22/00
and From: AFine963 on 12/9/2016
A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as
a high school teacher. Just before the school year
started, he injured his back. He was required to wear
a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't
On the first day of class, he
found himself assigned to
the toughest students in the school. The smart alack
punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former
Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be
testing his discipline in the classroom. Walking
confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher
opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When
a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a
stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
Dead silence from the class.
Discipline was not a
problem from that day forth!
Subj: Stand Up If You're Stupid (S135)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 8/27/99
from Yahoo! Images
Little Johnny replied, "No, ma'am,
but I hate to see you
standing there all by yourself."
Subj: Teaching Vincent Math (S130)
From: PGSP4LIFE on 7/28/99
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father
for another, how many dollars would you have?
Vincent: One dollar.
Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic.
Vincent: You don't know my father.
Subj: Columbine Jokes (S129)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #308 on 6/21/99
2 Black Trench coats: $140
2 Semi Automatic Rifles: $1200
2 Ski Masks: $10
2 Ammunition Magazines: $19.
The look on your classmates'
Some things money can't buy. For everything else,
Q: What is the difference between
The Trench Coat Mafia
and NATO in Kosovo?
A: About a year of meticulous planning....
Subj: Kindergarteners See Flag (S120)
From: mbucher on 5/20/99
The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyc-
lopedia page picturing several national flags. She
pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?"
A little girl called out, That's
the flag of our country."
"Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of our
country?" 'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently.
Subj: How Long Should This Report Be? (DU)
From: Joke-of-the-day on Friday, April 9,1999
Student: "How long do you want this report to be?"
Teacher: "I would like you to
think of this paper
much like a lady's dress - long enough to cover the
subject, yet short enough to keep it interesting."
Subj: Mother Wakes Son For School (S91)
From: icohen on 98-09-22
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one,
and the teachers
hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to
go to school. Come on
now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years
And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"
Little Johnny In A Spelling Bee (S46)
From: humorlist-digest V1 #270 on 97-12-08
Little Johnny from Yahoo! Images
Little Johnny stood up and proudly
said "E-A-R". Then to
use it in a sentence, he pretended to take a big hit off a
joint and then while pretending to have his lungs full of
smoke he pretended to pass the joint to Little Suzy and
In 1900 one in ten US adults
couldn't read or write. Only
6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
A teacher asked Lil' Suzy, "Please
punctuate the following
sentence: 'Fun fun fun worry worry worry.'"
Lil' Suzy thought for a moment
and began her reply, "Let's
see 'Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry!'"
Never let your schooling interfere with your education. (S11)
Some students drink at the fountain
of knowledge, others
just gargle. (S11)
If there were no schools to take
the children away from
home, the insane asylum would be filled with mothers.
-- Edgar Watson Howe (S11)
If you took all the students
that felt asleep in class and
laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable. (S11)
One advantage of being an elementary
school teacher as
opposed to working as a high school teacher is that it's
easier to get a parking space every morning. (S11)
If you think education is expensive,
- Derek Bok, president of Harvard (S11)
Quotes from Famous Economist:
Football has as much to do with Education as Bullfighting
has to Agriculture.
Sports makes higher education palatable for students who
do not belong. -- Veblen
A school board in Maine that
had 'Black Beauty' pulled from
the shelves in the mistaken belief that it had something
to do with sexy females of African ancestry.
Strikebound L.A. teachers rejected
the school districts
latest offer saying it was copied from a previous offer,
contained too many erasures and misspellings, and was
turned in late.
From the L.A. Times: 70% of big
city schools now have metal
detectors. This is a great idea. Now they can tell if a
student has really been shot or if they're just faking it
to get out of a test.
Clarence Notree, a Chicago gym
teacher, reacted to a gunman
shooting at his students by herding the stunned children
out a door to safety, but was himself hit in the hand.
After a hearing, the Illinois Industrial Commission awarded
the 19-year veteran $13,447 in Worker's Compensation for
his injury. But the Chicago Board of Education appealed
the ruling, saying that saving the children's lives was
not part of a physical education teacher's job. After an
outcry, the Board agreed to approve the claim.
A student questioned his 0 on
a test. "But these are the
same answers as Tran, and he got hundred percent." "Tran
had a different test."
Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.
From: ipkis on 97-12-06 (S46)
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a
lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and
showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of
iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name
begins with the letter `M' and I pick up things. What
am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a
From: RFSlick on 98-04-08
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer
in public schools.
Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately
all its students!
From: RFSlick on 98-05-08
"It's our our job to prepare kids for what they will be
using tomorrow, not what people are using today ..."
--- Houston K-12 teacher
From: RFSlick on 98-05-13
i souport publik edekashun.
From: auntieg on 98-05-20
My kid had sex with your honor student.
From: humorlist-digest V3 #25 on 99-01-27
The Minnesota Board of Education voted to consider
requiring all students to do some "volunteer work"
as a prerequisite to high school graduation.
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 3/13/00
"Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals."
-- Donna Maria G, age 9
From: mombear1 on 7/22/2001 (S234)
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line
up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"
-- Warren Hutcherson
From: KMACINTY on 8/2/2001 (S237)
"You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in
a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with
clue musk and did the clue mating dance." - Edward Flaherty
(It's perfect for students who
don't do their homework and
wonder why their grades are falling.) -- Kirsten
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 1/7/2002 (S258)
"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own
coroner. We used to write essays like 'What I'm Going
to be If I Grow Up.'" -- Lenny Bruce
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/17/2002 (S264,
"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those
who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn,
unlearn, and relearn." -- Alvin Toffler
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/5/2002 (S266c)
"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with
an open one." -- Malcolm S. Forbes
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/28/2002 (S269c)
Human history becomes more and more a race between
education and catastrophe. -- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
From: Newsweek, October 2,2000, Page
"By the time students graduate from high school, they've
spent a full year being taught by substitutes,...
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/21/2002 (S273c)
"There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented
by a good teacher." -- Flannery O'Connor (1925-1964)
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/6/2002 (S275)
"Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and
three-fourths theater." -- Gail Godwin
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/26/2003 (S339)
A teacher affects eternity: he can never tell where his
influence stops. -- Henry [Brooks] Adams (1838 - 1918)
It is the supreme art of the
teacher to awaken joy in
creative expression and knowledge. -- Albert Einstein
Teaching should be such that
what is offered is preceived
as a valuable gift and not as a hard duty." -- Albert Einstein
From: LABLaughs.com on 9/17/2002 (S294b)
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
From: Anon. Junior on 4/13/2006 (S482c)
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice.
Then he made school boards. -- Mark Twain.
It is noble to teach oneself,
it is still nobler to teach others.
-- Mark Twain (in Quotes2)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/7/2008 (S573b)
"Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned."
-- Mark Twain
From the book "Teacher Laughs" by Allen
Gramercy Books, New York
When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name,
it means trouble. -- Mark Twain
For more Twain quotes see 'Twain
on Government' in POLITICAL2.
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/8/2002 (S279b)
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
-- Will Durant
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/30/2002 (S287b)
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the
21st century. -- Perelman
From: dogbyte on 9/6/2002 (S292b)
I suhport publik edukashun
Q: Why is a diploma like a condom?
A: It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot
of effort, it's worthless the next day.
Q: Why did the doctor bring his
eyechart into the classroom?
A: Because he wanted to test the pupils!
Q: Did you hear about the teacher
who was fired
for being cross-eyed?
A: She couldn't control her pupils.
Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily Dirty
Joke For 2/9/97
Q: Did you hear about the new sex ed film on VD
that they're showing to first graders?
A: It's called See Dick Run.
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor.