Subj: Science1 Jokes
(Includes 84 jokes and articles, 09 1013,20,cf,wXT3,13)
Also see ACCIDENTS1 - 'Francis
BEARS file - 'Two Foreign Scientists Study Grizzlys'
BIRDS-CHICKEN- 'FAA Test'
CHEMISTRY - 'Scientists Discover New Element'
......................- (the whole file)
CHICKEN file - 'Why Did The Chicken...(Scientists)?'
HOWTO-SUPP - 'TED - Massimo Banzi Explains Arduin
JUDGE file - 'Carl Sagan Sues'
LAWS file - 'Mallard Fillmore On Light Bulbs'
MATH1 file - (all the files)
MATH2 file - 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not!'
......................-..(the whole file)
MATH3 file - (the whole file)
MATH4 file - (the whole file)
MATH5 file - (the whole file)
MATH6 file - (the whole file)
OTH-ANIM-SUPP- 'Theo Jansen's Strandbeests' - Video
.........OTH-OCC-SUPP2- 'Ana Yang Gazillion Bubble Show' - Video
PHYSICS1 - (the whole file)
PHYSICS2 - (the whole file)
PHYSICS3 - (the whole file)
PSYCH-SUPP - 'Perceptual Blindness Test'
SCHOOL1 file - 'Why Science Teachers Should Not Be In Charge Of Recess'
SCHOOL-SUPP2 - 'Children's Science Exam Answers:'
SCHOOL-SUPP3 - 'The Phenom Harriett Ball' - Video
STARTREK_SPC2- 'Armageddon Asteroids'
THO-TIME-SUPP- 'Thousands Expect Apocalypse in 2012'
WORD_JOKES1 - 'The First Human Clone'
by John Graziano on 7/6/2009
i.am FIRST - Science Is Rock And Roll
From: Wimp.com on 7/10/2011 (S761d)
Black Eyed Peas star Will.i.am
has partnered with science
inventor and educator, Dean Kamen, to highlight the
importance of science education programs in a special on
ABC on Sunday, August 14. A dozen famous stars discuss
the importance of science and engineering and whose robot
is best. Click 'HERE' to see this great video.
Time Travel (S679b,d)
Time travel, Einstein's relativity
made easy. This video
is part of The Cassiopeia Project. Click 'HERE' to learn
the theory of time travel.
Is 2012 The End? (S676d)
From: Wimp.com on 12/30/2009
In this video, Dr.
Neil deGrasse Tyson, an American astro-
physicist, discusses Planet X (aka Nibiru), 2012, and the
Mayan calendar. Click 'HERE' for to see this fascinating
and revealing video.
Subj: Northern Lights in Finland (S943)
From: Zoraida Alilin McNorton on Facebook
.....Click 'HERE' to see this beautiful 15 second video.
Do Aliens Exist? (S669b,d in Aliens)
From: Wimp.com on 10/8/2009
This video is a set of three
lectures by Michio Kaka,
professor in physics, City University, New York.
Click 'HERE' to listen Michio discuss our search
2,500 Lbs of Cornstarch On The
.............Ellen Degeneres Show (S618c,d)
From: darrellvip on 11/10/2008
What happens when you add water
to 2500 lbs of cornstarch
on The Ellen Degeneres Show? To see this impressive science
demonstration, click 'HERE' to see it on my web site.
Subj: Short Jokes About Unit Conversions(S135, S893)
..........Some of these were compiled by Harvey Gould
...................... Research Professor of Physics
...................... Clark University
...................... Worcester, MA 01610-1477
..........From: sam.hutkins on 2/22/2014
Typed by AJSwitzer@aol.com
1 million microphones ...............
= 1 megaphone
2 million bycycles .................. = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds ................... = two kilomockingbirds
52 cards ............................ = 1 decacards
1/2 lavatory ........................ = 1 demijohn
1 millionth of a fish ............... = 1 microfiche
453.6 graham crackers ............... = 1 pound cake
10 rations .......................... = 1 decoration
100 rations ......................... = 1 C-ration
10 millipedes ....................... = 1 centipede
3-1/3 tridents ...................... = 1 decadent
10 monologues ....................... = 5 dialogues
2 monograms ......................... = 1 diagram
8 nickels ........................... = 2 paradigms
2 baby sitters ...................... = 1 gramma grampa
1 million piccolos .................. = 1 gigolo
2 snake eyes ........................ = 1 paradise
100 billion decagons ................ = 1 tarragon
1 Lucy .............................. = 1 deciarnez
From: firstname.lastname@example.org on
2000 lbs of Chinese soup ............ = Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash .......... = 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel
and smacking the pavement ...... = 1 bananosecond
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at
1 nautical mile per hour ....... = Knotfurlong
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone ...... = 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine ........... = 1 semicolon
1,000,000 aches .................... = 1 megahurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis ........... = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes . = A straight line
365.25 days ......................... = 1 unicycle
1 kilogram of falling figs .......... = 1 Fig Newton
1000 milliliters of wet socks ....... = 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish ............... = 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins ..................... = 1 terrapin
4 nickels ........................... = 2 paradigms
2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical
tubing at Yale University Hospital .. = 1 IV League
100 Senators ........................ = Not 1 decision
Critics Fear Collider Could Doom Earth (S598)
By DOUGLAS BIRCH,AP
From: AOL Science News on 6/30/2008
Subj: Message From An Alien Civilization (S107, DU)
From: a_fool on 99-02-12
Scientists decode the first message from an alien civilization...
Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of
hydrogen to the star system
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your
star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other
star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy
reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!
Subj: Frazz Sunday Comic Strip (S667b)
By Jef Mallett on 10/18/2009
Mammatus Clouds (S457b)
Photos by Jorn Olsen
From: auntiegah on 10/22/2005
Jorn said, "Like any aviator,
I've seen clouds before, but
these are unreal; beautiful, and netherworldly." Jorn Olsen
works for the Dutton-Lainson Co. in Hastings, Nebraska, and
lives next to Hastings College. The other night he took
these photos and posted them to his web site at
The stadium lights are at the
Hastings College stadium just
east of his home. The clouds are called Mammatus clouds
and there's a link on this URL that tells about them. They
do not precede a tornado, or fortell a storm, but are formed
when the air is already saturated with rain droplets and/or
ice crystals and begins to sink. The worst of the storm is
usually over when these kind of clouds are seen. They are
quite rare, but really beautiful.
You can view these six photos by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: The Night Before Christmas, Scientifically Explained (DU)
From: smiles on 98-12-11
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the
diurnal period preceding
the annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our place
of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among
the possessors of this potential, including that species
of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was
meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood-
burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the
honorific title,of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably
ensconced in their
respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing
subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit
confections moving rhythmically through their cerebra. My
conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal cranial
coverings, were about to take slumbrous advantage of the
hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior
portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of
dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity
from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining
the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I
forthwith opened the barriers
sealing the fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar
brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of
a recent crystalline aqueous precipitation, might be said
to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus
permitting my incredulous optical sensor to peruse a
miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by an octet
of diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by
a miniscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that
it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our
anticipated caller. With his undulate motive power
traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous
velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia,
and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective
cognomen ... "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding
them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through
which structure I could readily distinguish the concatena-
tions of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from
its erstwhile location, and
was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished
visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward
leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad
entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebon residue from
the oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated
on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor
I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings
which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with
reflected luminosity, while
his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of
engaging amiability. The capillaries of his molar regions
and nasal aptenance were engorged with blood which suffused
the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the
coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of
the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and
supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot,
and their ambient hirstute facial adornment appeared like
small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors
was a smokingpiece whose
gray fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were
suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His
visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly
mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the
manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container.
Without utterance and with dispatch,
he commenced filling the
aforementioned hosiery with articles of merchandise extracted
from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth
receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an
abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral
juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith affected
his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.
He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his
conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his
contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of
burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto
observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a
common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation,
audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the
limits of visibility: "Ecstatic yuletides to the planetary
constituence, and to that self-same assemblage my sincerest
wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly
pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
Bill Gates On Energy And Climate (S684b,d)
From: Wimp.com on 2/21/2010
and From: TED2010 (in famous-Gates)
At TED2010, Bill Gates unveils
his vision for the world's
energy future, describing the need for "miracles" to avoid
planetary catastrophe and explaining why he's backing a
dramatically different type of nuclear reactor. The neces-
sary goal? Zero carbon emissions globally by 2050.
Click 'HERE' to see this interesting, twenty-nine minute video.
Subj: A Scientist And A Poet (S186)
There were once two people travelling
on a train, a scientist
and a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They
had never met before, so naturally, there wasn't much conver-
sation between the two. The poet was minding his own business,
looking out the window at the beauty of the passing terrain.
The scientist was very uptight, trying to think of things he
didn't know so he could try to figure them out. Finally, the
scientist was so bored, that he said to the poet, "Hey, do you
want to play a game?"
The poet, being content with
what he was doing, ignored him and
continued looking out the window, humming quietly to himself.
This infuriated the scientist, who irritably asked again, "Hey,
you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and
if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, YOU ask ME a question,
and if I can't answer it, I'll give YOU $5." The poet thought
about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that
the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely
turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who, by this time
was going mad, tried a final
time. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer
it, you give me $5. Then you ask ME a question, and if I can't
answer it, I'll give you $50!" Now, the poet was not that smart
academically, but he wasn't totally stupid. He readily accepted
the offer. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the EXACT
distance between the Earth and the Moon?" The poet, obviously
not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's
question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to
the scientist. The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly
said, "Okay, now it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for
a few minutes, then asked, "All
right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on
four?" The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face.
He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and
making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad
and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. After
about an hour of this, the poet quietly watching the mountains of
Colorado go by the whole time, the scientist FINALLY gave up. He
reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill. The poet accepted it
graciously, turning back to the window. "Wait!" the scientist
shouted. "You can't do this to me! What's the answer??"
The poet looked at the scientist
and calmly asked the scientist,
"Can you break a fifty?"
Ruler Experiment (S676b,d)
From: Wimp.com on 12/26/2009
This ruler experiment is mind-boggling.
to see if you can figure out what will happen.
Subj: Real Science As Seen By Students (S51)
From: mbucher on 98-01-09
This is a list of comments from
test papers, essays, etc.,
submitted to science and health teachers by elementary,
junior high, high school, and college students: "It is
truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars
can create under the pressures of time and grades." The
spellings are the original ones. (Transmitted by Professor
Pill-Soon Song, a KASTN editor, from a chemistry net group
called SAFETY@uvmvm.uvm.edu, dated 1/13/96)
1. H2O is hot water, and CO2
is cold water.
2. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over
a flame in a test tube.
3. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably
4. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is water and gin.
5. A super saturated solution is one that holds more
than it can hold.
6. Liter: A nest of young puppies.
7. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over
a dead cat.
8. Momentum: What you give a person when they are
9. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
10. Artificial insemination is when the farmer
does it to the cow instead of the bull.
11. The pistol of the flower is its only protection
12. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is,
the more extinct it is.
13. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down
over the nose.
14. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower that the
heart until the heart stops.
15. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose
until it drops in your throat.
16. Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
17. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon.
All water tends towards the moon, because there is no
water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I
forget where the sun joins in this fight.
18. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
by John Graziano on 3/17/2009
I. When a distinguished
but elderly scientist states that
something is possible, he is almost certainly right.
When he states that something is impossible, he is
very probably wrong.
On which he commented:
the adjective "elderly" requires definition.
In physics, mathematics, and astronautics it means over
thirty; in the other disciplines, senile decay is some-
times postponed to the forties. There are, of course,
glorious exceptions; but as every researcher just out
of college knows, scientists of over fifty are good for
nothing but board meetings, and should at all costs be
kept out of the laboratory!
_Profiles of the Future_ (1962; rev. 1973)
"Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination"
II. The only way of discovering
the limits of the possible
is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
III. Any sufficiently advanced
technology is indistinguishable
From: "Physics of the Impossible
by Michio Kaku
Published by Doubleday in New York in 2008
Clarke adds: As three laws were
good enough for Newton, I have
modestly decided to stop there.
A post with the "first law" invariably
gets followed up with
one mentioning this:
When, however, the lay public
rallies round an idea that is
denounced by distinguished but elderly scientists and supports
that idea with great fervor and emotion--the distinguished but
elderly scientists are then, after all, probably right.
Isaac Asimov (1920-1992)
_Fantasy and Science Fiction_ 1977 [magazine]
In answer to Clarke's First Law
8 Amazing Holes! (S613c)
From: gattica30 on 10/7/2008
These eight holes in the earth
are large, terrifying, and
impressive. Some are natural but most are man made. Click
'HERE' to view them.
Subj: Laws In Science, Engineering, And Life
Corry's Law: "Paper is always strongest at the perforations."
Epstein's Axiom: "With extremely
nothing is worth the trouble."
Etorre's Observation: "The other line moves faster."
Farber's Fourth Law: "Necessity
is the mother of
(1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a
disc straining to land under a car, just out of
reach (called 'car suck');
(2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more
predictive than 'Watch this!'
(Murray) Gell-Mann's Law: "Whatever
isn't forbidden is
required; thus, if there's no reason why something
shouldn't exist, then it must exist."
Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences:
"Whoever has the gold
makes the rules."
(Sam) Goldwyn's Law: "A verbal
contract isn't worth the
paper it's printed on."
Grave's Law - As soon as you
make something idiot-proof,
along comes another idiot.
GUMMIDGE'S LAW - The amount of
expertise varies in
inverse proportion to the number of statements
understood by the general public.
Hofstadter's Law: "It always
takes longer than you expect,
even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account."
Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
"The chance of forgetting
something is directly proportional to....to....."
-- Lane Hurewitz
IGGY'S RULE OF SCIENTIFIC ADVANCES
- All scientific
discoveries are first recorded on napkins or tablecloths.
Engineering advances are drawn inside matchbook covers.
Keep supplies of them handy at all times.
JONES'S LAW - The man who can
smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone he can blame it on.
Laura's Law: "No child throws up in the bathroom."
LORD FALKLAND'S RULE - When it
is not necessary to make
a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.
Maier's Law: "If the facts
do not conform to the theory,
they must be disposed of."
Mathis' Rule: "It is bad luck to be superstitious."
Morton's Law: "If rats are experimented
they will develop cancer."
MESKIMEN'S LAW - There's never
time to do it right,
but always time to do it over.
The Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project
Schedules: "The first
90% of the task takes 90% of the time, and the last
10% takes the other 90%."
PERVERSITY OF NATURE LAW - You
cannot successfully determine
beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: "It's on the other side."
OSBORN'S LAW Variables won't, constants aren't.
SATTINGER'S LAW - It works better if you plug it in.
Slick's Three Laws of the Universe:
(1) Nothing in the known universe travels faster
than a bad check.
(2) A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
(3) There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which
is attracted to light objects, and the light kind,
which is attracted to dark objects."
THE SNAFU EQUATIONS
1. Given any problem containing N equations, there
will be N+1 unknowns.
2. The object or bit of information most needed will
be least available.
3. The device requiring service or adjustment will
be least accessible.
4. In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all
possibilities and failed, there will be one solution,
simple, obvious, and highly visible to everyone else.
5. Badness comes in waves.
(Mark) Twain's Rule: "Only kings, editors, and people with
tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we'."
The Unspeakable Law: "As soon
as you mention something ....
... if it's good, it goes away
... if it's bad, it happens."
ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING
SYSTEM DYNAMICS - Once you
open a can of worms, the only way you can recan them is
to use a larger can. (Old worms never die; they just
worm their way into larger cans.)
A Volcano In Chili Erupts (S608b)
From: darrellvip on 9/2/2008
Nobody is certain what causes
them, but according to
National Geographic it's believed to be 'the result of
rock fragments, ash, and ice particles in the plume
colliding to produce static charges just as ice particles
collide to create charge in regular thunderstorms.'
Click 'HERE' to view these five amazing photos.
Subj: Basic Guide for Scientists (S469)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 1/15/2006
I. Science Classification
If it's green or
it wiggles, it's part of Biology.
If it stinks, it's Chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it belongs to Physics.
II. Rules for Laboratory Workers
When you don't know
what you're doing, do it neatly.
First draw your curves, then plot the data.
Experience is directly proportional to the equipment ruined.
Experiments must be reproducible. They should all fail
the same way.
A record of data is essential. It indicates
you have been working.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
Teamwork is essential in the lab. It allows
you to blame someone else.
Always leave room to add an explanation when it doesn't work.
III. Finagle's Laws, Creed, and Motto
First Law - If anything
can go wrong with an
experiment, it will.
Second Law - No matter what result is anticipated, there is
always someone willing to fake it.
Third Law - No matter what occurs, there is always someone
who believes it happened according to his pet theory.
Fourth Law - No matter what the result, there is always
someone eager to misinterpret it.
Creed - Science is truth. Don't be misled by facts.
Motto - Smile; tomorrow it will be worse.
The McGurk Effect:
Watch Your Ears Lie To You (S720d)
From: Wimp.com on 9/18/2010
This video is a great example
of the McGurk Effect taken from
the BBC show Horizon. In the McGurk Effect, your vision can
over ride what your ears actually hear. Click 'HERE' to see
this amazing effect.
Subj: Murphy's Laws Of Research
From: Internet Joke Archive
1st Law of Research : If you
think of something new,
it's been done.
2nd Law of Research : If you think something is important,
no one else will.
3rd Law of Research : If you throw it away, someone else will
publish it, obtain a grant, write a book, and get on the
Oprah Winfrey show.
1st Law of Theory : No theory
will answer the important
questions. Corollary : All theories are irrelevant.
2nd Law of Theory : All theories seem workable in conversations.
Law of Importance : When you
think you have discovered the
real problem, you have not. Corollary: When you are sure
it is not important, it is.
Law of Remaining Time: If there
is a significant breakthrough,
it will occur when your adviser is out of the country.
Corollary: When your adviser is available, you will be
mired in confusion.
1st Law of the Research Question:
If you have finalized your
research question, you don't understand the literature.
2nd Law of the Research Question: Only when you have clarified
your research question will you discover a large body of
3rd Law of the Research Question: Your study will only make
sense as long as your research question is hazy.
Law of Inverse Self-Reward: The
more you enjoy your research,
the less data there is to support it.
Fallacy of the Library Researcher:
Somewhere there is a
reference (the "Ultimate Reference") which will give you
a stunningly brilliant opening and conclusion, tie your
materials together and give you the premise for your first
book. (The search for this kind of thing has delayed
dissertations for years, and forced advisers to threaten
the student with bodily harm if the search is not abandoned.)
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If anything can't go wrong, it will go wrong.
If anything can't go wrong on its own, someone will make it
O'Tool's Commentary on Murphy's Law
Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy's Law for Engineers:
The more innocuous a design change appears, the further will
its influence extend. Any error that can creep in, will.
It will be in the direction that will do most damage to
the calculation. A transister protected by a fast-acting
fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
Murphy's Law for Electricians:
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
Murphy's Law of Selective Gravity
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Murphy's Laws on Work
From: email@example.com on 97-07-12
-A pat on the back is a few centimeters from
a kick in the pants.
-Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced,
you won't get promoted.
-The more Crap you put up with, the more you are
going to get.
-You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and
carry a clipboard.
-If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit.
No use in being a damn fool about it.
-Mom said there'd be days like this but she never said
there'd be so many.
-If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would
ever get done.
Subj: Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S623c)
By Bob Thaves on 12/20/2008
Subj: New Scientific Developments
From: OXyMoron Humour Archive on 07/01/97
(Also see 'Flying Horse - Gatorrada (Cat-Toast)' in Physics2)
These are supposedly responses
to a contest sponsored by
OMNI magazine. Strangely, these scientific developments
were never considered by the Nobel Committee.
Grand Prize Winner
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and
when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered
side facing down. It is proposed to strap buttered toast
to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches
above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-
speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
Rednecks ? Braille
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite
number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun
rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will
eventually produce all the worlds great literary works in
Why Yawning Is Contagious
You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This
pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other
people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because
they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to
communicate ideas at a faster rate.
Effects of Deforestation
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.
Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the
arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall
trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
Why the Earth rotates
Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the
world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth
to spin on its axis.
How to make your car go faster
The reason hot-rod owners raise the backs of their cars is
that it's easier to go faster when you're always going
The Constant Consonant Theorem
The quantity of consonants in the English language is
constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in
another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost
r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his
car and invest in "erl wells."
Power Of Ten - PPS (S548b)
From: AFine963 on 7/9/2007
Subj: Non Sequitur Cartoon (S1013)
By Wiley Miller on 7/1/2015
Naica Crystal Caves - PPS (S544c)
From: darrell94590 on 6/14/2007