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Subj:     Amish Jokes
                 (Includes 9 jokes and articles, 13796,3,cf,md4v,2)
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Amish Cart
from
The Amish and the Plain People
Includes the following:  Amish Paradise - Musical video (S489)
.........................Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble (S229, DU)
.........................Amish Lady's Buggy Stopped By Cop (S226, DU)
.........................Amish Mother And Daughter (S239b, S671)
.........................Amish Family Visit A Mall (S35, S611)
.........................Short Amish Jokes (S239)
..............................Amish Laugh - Cartoon (S433)
..............................Amish Vehicle (S426b)

Also see COMPUTERS4   - 'Amish Virus'
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Subj:     Amish Paradise (S489d)
          From: From: LABLaughsClean 
          on 6/1/2006
 Source: http://www.clownpaint.com/arcade/games/Amish-Paradise

          (See 'Smells like Nirvana' in Music-Supp
           and 'Weird Al - White And Nerdy' in Nerd
           and 'Weird Al Yankovic's I'm Fat' in Fat)

 "Amish Paradise" is a 1996 song/video by "Weird Al"
 Yankovic.  It is a parody of the hip hop song "Gangsta's
 Paradise" by Coolio  You can see this nice, music video
 at the above source, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble (S229, DU)
          From: tadams96 on 2/21/2001

 10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6am.

  9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without
     bonnets.

  8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.

  7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"

  6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."

  5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."

  4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.

  3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the
     beard ain't listening."

  2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the
     influence of cottage cheese."

  1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

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Subj:     Amish Lady's Buggy Stopped By Cop (S226, DU)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #258 on 98-07-02
      and From: thebartend on 5/18/2001

 An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and
 buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

 "Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue
 you a warning.  You have a broken reflector on your buggy."

 "Oh, I'll let my husband know as soon as I get home."

 "That's fine.  Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way
 that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one
 of his balls.  I consider that animal abuse.  That's
 cruelty to animals.  Have your husband take care of that
 right away!"

 Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about
 her encounter with the cop.

 "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?"

 "He said the reflector is broken."

 "I can fix that in two minutes.  Anything else?"

 "I'm not sure, something about the fucking emergency brake..."

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Subj:     Amish Mother And Daughter (S239b, S671)
          From Scott's Joke Archive 0n 5/31/97
      and From: oiawh on 8/29/2001
          (See 'Young Couple Goes To Mountains' in BODY_PARTS)
 
 
 An Amish woman and her daughter were riding
 in an open buggy one cold blustery January
 day.  The daughter said to the mother, "My
 hands are freezing cold." The mother replied,
 "Put your hands between your legs.  The body
 heat will warm them up." So the daughter did
 and her hands warmed up.

 The next day the daughter was riding in the
 buggy with her boyfriend.  The boyfriend said,
 "My hands are freezing cold."  The daughter
 said, "Put them between my legs, they'll
 warm up." Happly he did just that.

 Next day the boyfriend is driving in the buggy with the
 daughter.  He said, "My nose is freezing cold."  The
 daughter said "Put it between my legs, it will warm up."
 He did and his nose warmed up.

 The next day the boyfriend is driving again with the
 daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."  Later
 that week, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her
 mother.  She says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of
 a penis?"

 Mother says "Sure why do you ask?"  The daughter says,
 "Well, they just make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!!"

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Subj:     Amish Family Visit A Mall (S35, S796)
          From: Dickschu on 5/11/2005
      and From: brucejohnsonbaugh on 4/13/2012

 An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were
 amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two
 shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together
 again.  The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"

 The father responded "Son, I have never seen anything like
 this in my life, I don't know what it is."  While the boy
 and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel
 chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
 The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small
 room.  The walls closed and the boy and his father watched
 small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light
 up.  They continued to watch the circles light up in the
 reverse direction.  The walls opened up again and a beautiful
 24 year old woman stepped out.

 The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."


Subj:     Short Amish Jokes (S239)

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Subj:     Amish Laugh - Cartoon (S433)
          From: LABLaughsCleann
          on 5/13/2005
 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20050513
 To view The cartoon 'Amish Laugh', you can go to the source
 above, or view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Amish Vehicle (S426b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 3/18/2005
 While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish
 carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of
 humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a
 hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats
 and grass. Caution: Do Not step in exhaust."
 

 Q: What goes clip clop clip clop bang bang bang clip clop clip clop?
 A: Amish driveby.

From: CatScratch on 3/7/2002 (S267c)
 Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand
    up a horse's ass?
 A: A mechanic!
 

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......................From Time to Discover Ohio
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