Subj: Arab Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 64 jokes and articles)
Mosque in Desert
from
KarmaStorm
| >>>
Subj: Arab Jokes (Gz) (Includes 64 jokes and articles) |
|
Mosque in Desert from KarmaStorm |
Also see ACCIDENT1
- 'Iraq Terrorist
Dies' in NonJokes
ANAGRAMS file- 'Anagrams
For Osama Bin Laden'
ASIAN file - 'Bin
Laden Look-A-Like'
CAMEL file - 'Sex
Like A Camel'
CHRISTMAS3 - 'Twas
The Night Before Ramadan'
......................-
'Twas
The Night Before Payback'
FRENCH file - 'Iraq
Strengthens Air Force w/French Parts'
FUNERAL file - 'Sign
In A Window'
GOD2 file - 'How
The Jews Got The 10 Commandments'
HEAVEN2 file - 'Muslim
Goes To Heaven'
HELL file - 'Saddam
Goes To Hell'
IRISH2 file - 'Saddam And
Paddy'
JOBS3 file - 'Security
Bulletin'
MIDDLE EAST - 'US
Soldier Talks About Iraq'
......................-
'Shakespeare
On Iraq'
......................-
(see
whole file)
NATIONAL file- 'Root
Out Terrorists!'
......................-
'Oliver
North Video'
PLANE1 file - 'Airport
Screening'
......................-
'Two
Arabs And A Jew On A Plane'
PLANE2 file - '73
Year Old Can't Board Plane'
POLIT-BUSH - 'Movie
- Time To Bomb Saddam'
SHIT file - 'Don't
Poop On October 28'
SOLDIER2 file- 'British
Forces Test Fire Weapons'
......................-
'USMC
Bumper Sticker'
STARTREK file- 'Pres.
Bush Explains Star Trek'
VALENTINE - 'Sending
Osama A Valentine'
WOMEN2 file - 'Woman
Fighting In Afghanistan'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Arab Photo (S575c)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 1/19/2008 Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv |
 |
You can see this Bizarro Comic Strip by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: RIDDLE
- Iranians On Phone (S315b)
LABLaughs.com on 2/11/2003
How do Iranians speak on the telephone?
x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x
ANSWER
Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).
\\\//
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Subj: 15 Schoolgirls
Die In Blaze (S270c)
From: jerry on 3/19/2002
15 schoolgirls died in a blaze
in Saudi Arabia, and 50
others were injured, when they
were prevented from leaving
a blazing building by Saudi
Arabia's religious police who
forced them back into the building
because the girls were
not wearing correct Islamic
dress, according to newspaper
reports in Saudi Arabia.
The girls were not wearing the
required headscarves and abayas
(black robes).
The al-Eqtisadiah daily reports
that firemen confronted
the police as they beat the
girls back into the building,
but to no avail. Even
the school guard refused to open
the gates to let the girls out.
BBC 15-Mar-02
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Subj: Funny
Quotes About Osama (258b)
From: ICohen on 1/9/2002
"What we know about Osama bin
Laden is this -- he's
worth $300 million, he has five
wives and 26 kids
and he hates Americans for their
'excessive'
lifestyle." -- David Letterman
"The leaders of the Taliban said
today that killing
bin Laden won't solve the problem,
but, you know, it
couldn't hurt." -- Jay
Leno
"More and more details coming
out now about spoiled
rich kid Osama bin Laden.
Time reports this week he
was one of 52 kids. His mother
must be exhausted. This
guy inherited $80 million at
age 13 and has since
expanded it to $300 million
through construction,
smart investments and gas and
oil investments. This
way, he can use the money in
his war against capitalism."
-- Jay Leno
"You read about all these terrorists,
most of them
came here legally, but they
hung around on these
expired visas, some for as long
as 10-15 years. Now,
compare that to Blockbuster.
If you are two days late
with a video and these people
are all over you. Let's
put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration." -- Jay Leno
"More and more facts coming out
about Osama bin Laden.
You know, he never sleeps in
the same place two nights
in a row, just like Clinton."
-- Jay Leno
"This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled
rich kid worth
$300M. I have three words
for this guy: Anna Nicole
Smith. We send her over
there, she'll get his money,
he'll be dead in a week"
-- Jay Leno
"It was reported today that Osama
Bin Laden has 50
brothers and sisters.
Which absolutely shocked me
because I had no idea he was
Catholic" -- Conan O'Brien
"One of the Taliban spokesmen
said they have thousands
of men who look forward to death
like Americans look
forward to living, which is
great because we can
arrange that We'll set them
up with death, we'll
continue living." -- Jay
Leno
"CBS News finally received anthrax
in the mail As
usual, we're number three."
-- David Letterman
"Things have really changed here
in Hollywood. It
used to be people in this town
couldn't wait to get
an envelope full of white powder."
-- Jay Leno
"I don't mean to harp on this,
but it's like the
networks are a how-to manual
for terrorists. You see
them on the news. This
reporter is standing outside
a water treatment plant, going,
'If they poured the
poison here it could wipe out
thousands because the
guard is off duty from noon
until 1 every day!'"
-- Jay Leno
"Postal inspectors have been
given advanced warning
that Publishers Clearinghouse
is sending packets of
laundry detergent that could
be mistaken for anthrax.
Oh, good timing! What genius
came up with this
promotion? What's next?
A ticking alarm clock? Let's
put that in a box." --
Jay Leno
"The FBI is urging all Americans
to beware of any
letters or packages that have
badly misspelled words.
Man, this is going to be terrible
news for the rap
industry." -- Jay Leno
"In Pakistan anti-American protesters
set a Kentucky
Fried Chicken restaurant on
fire. The protesters
mistakenly thought they were
attacking high-ranking
US military official Colonel
Sanders"
-- Jimmy Fallon on Saturday
Night Live's Weekend
Update
"Tomorrow night on NBC a very
special episode of West
Wing, it makes a direct reference
to what happened in
New York City. The exact
plot is being kept top
secret. We are the only
country in the world where we
put our battle plans on CNN,
but the plots to our TV
shows are top secret"
-- Jay Leno
"Pakistan's ruler Pervez Musharraf
predicted the
Taliban will fall for hiding
Osama bin Laden. Ex-king
Zahir Shah is standing by to
replace Mullah Mohammed
Omar. And the most ominous
sign of all, President Bush
has learned all their names"
-- Comedian Argus Hamilton
"There was a rumor that Jesse
Jackson was going to go
over there to talk with the
Taliban; apparently they
were having trouble rhyming
the word Jihad" -- Jay Leno
"Now this really annoys me: All
these people getting
on the Internet and saying Nostradamus
predicted this.
If Nostradamus were alive today
his name would be Miss
Cleo and he'd be charging $299
a minute" -- Jay Leno
"US Government has said they
are now going to go
after the terrorist's electronic
banking system. You
know what they should do?
They should transfer bin
Laden's funds to my bank.
They'd mess up his deposits,
screw up his statement and nickel
and dime him to
death with service charges."
-- Jay Leno
"People want to say there isn't
racial profiling at
the airport, but let's be honest.
If you first name is
Mohammed, and your last name
isn't Ali, arrive at the
airport extra early."
-- Jay Leno
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Subj: bin
Laden Quotation (S257b)
From: jerry on 12/19/2001
"Islamic governments have never
and will never be established
through peaceful solutions and
cooperative councils. They are
established as they [always]
have been by pen and gun by word
and bullet by tongue and teeth."
Opening statement in bin Laden's
Al Qa'eda training manual,
found in an apartment of an
Al Qa'eda member, in the UK.
Below are links to the
translated Al Qa'eda training manuals
should you like to see what
terrorism is all about.
Summary article from Boston Daily Globe
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Subj: Atomic
Bomb In Afghanistan (S257)
From: jerry on 12/19/2001
Bonehead award two goes to Al
Qa'eda and Taliban members
whose homes were raided in Afghanistan
and who were found
to have been busily working
on a nuclear device. But it's
too bad they hadn't gotten further
before the home was
raided because it would have
been interesting to see the
device they would have ended
up with.
Turns out the "plans" they were
poring over and using to
produce the device was a document
they got from the
Internet entitled, "How to Build
an Atomic Bomb in 10
Easy Steps," a scientific SPOOF
published in 1979 in the
Journal of Irreproducible Results
which calls it "a great
ice-breaker at parties, and
in a pinch, can be used for
national defense."
UK Telegraph 20-Nov-01
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Subj: Moral
Question For You (S246)
From: ICohen on 10/16/2001
Think carefully before you answer
this question.
Remember, you can't check with
Dr. Laura for the answer!
I have a moral question for you.
This is an imaginary
situation, but I think it is
fun to decide what one would do.
The situation: You are in the
Middle East, and there is a
huge flood in progress.
Many homes have been lost, water
supplies compromised and structures
destroyed. Let's say
that you're a photographer and
getting still photos for a
news service, traveling alone,
looking for particularly
poignant scenes.
You come across Osama Bin Laden
who has been swept away by
the floodwaters. He is barely
hanging on to a tree limb
and is about to go under.
You can either put down your
camera and save him, or take
a Pulitzer Prize winning
photograph of him as he loses
his grip on the limb.
So, here's the question and think
carefully before you
answer the question below:
Which lens and shutter speed would you use?
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Subj: Arab
And Jewish Tie Salesman (S197, S396)
From: BartendJOTD-owner on 11/10/2000
and
From: DafterLafter on 8/24/2004
(Also see 'Man
On Camel Dying Of Thirst' in CAMEL)
An Arab was walking through the
Sahara desert, desperate for
water, then he saw something,
far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked
towards the image, only to
find a little old Jewish man
sitting at a card table with a
bunch of neckties laid out on
it.
The Arab asked, "Please, I'm
dying of thirst, can I have
some water?"
The man replied "I don't have
any water, but why don't you
buy a tie? Here's one
that goes nicely with your robes."
The Arab shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"
"OK, don't buy a tie. But
to show you what a nice guy I am,
I'll tell you that over that
hill there, about 5 miles, is a
nice restaurant my brother runs.
Walk that way, they'll give
you all the water you want."
The Arab thanked him and walked
away towards the hill and
eventually disappeared.
Three hours later the Arab came
crawling back to where the man
was sitting behind his card
table. He said "I told you, about
5 miles over that hill.
Couldn't you find it?"
The Arab rasped "I found it alright.
They wouldn't let me in
without a tie."
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Subj: Two
English At A Native Restraunt (S139)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #311 on 09/27/1999
Two Englishmen in darkest Africa
got hungry and dropped into
a native restaurant in a small
village. They received menus
and noticed a fair variety of
dishes. Broiled Spaniard was
$3.50, including salad and dessert.
Fried Frenchman, with a
side order of vegetables, cost
$3.75. Stewed Swiss ran $3.25.
But baked Arab was listed at
$10.50.
They called the waiter. "Why?"
asked one. "Are the Arabs that
delicious?"
"No," replied the waiter. "They all taste about the same."
"But the price is so high," the
Englishman protested. "There
must be some reason."
"Oh," the waiter said. "There
is a good reason. Did you ever
try to clean an Arab?"
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Subj: Arab
Diplomat Is Thirsty (S121)
From: kate289 on 5/25/99
An Arab diplomat visiting the
US for the first time was being
wined and dined by the State
Department. The Grand Emir was
unused to the salt in American
foods (french fries, cheeses,
salami, anchovies ets) and was
constantly sending his man-
servant Abdul to fetch him a
glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper
off and return with a
glass of water, but then came
the time when he returned
empty-handed. "Abdul,
you son of an ugly camel, where is my
water??" demanded the
Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious
One," stammered the wretched
Abdul, "white man sit on well."
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Subj: I Had
A Dream (S62)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #83 on 98-04-02
Sadam called President Clinton
and said: "Bill, I called you
because I had this incredible
dream last night. I could see
all of America, and it was beautiful
and all top of every
building, there was a flag."
Clinton said: "Sadam, what was on the flag?"
Sadam said: "Allah is G-d, G-d is Allah."
Clinton said: "You know, Sadam,
I'm really glad you called
because last night I had a dream
too. I could see all of
Bagdad, and it was even more
beautiful than before the war.
It had been completely rebuilt.
And on every building there
was a flag."
Sadam said: "Bill, what was on the flag?"
Clinton replied: "I really don't know, I can't read Hebrew!"
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Subj: American,
Italian And Iranian Brag
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #29
An American, an Italian and an
Iranian were drinking together
and began to boast. The
American says, "I have four daughters;
one more and I have a basketball
team."
The Italian joins in, "I hava
eight daughters; onea more and I
hava baseball team."
The Iranian quietly acknowledges
each, and then says, "I have
17 wives; one more and I have
a golf course!"
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Subj: Short
Arab Jokes
Top
Subj: Two
Arabs Talk (S313b)
From: KMACINTY on 2/1/2003
Two Arabs are chatting.
One has his wallet out and he's
flipping through pictures.
"This is my oldest, he's a
martyr. This is my second
son. He's a martyr too."
The second Arab says wistfully,
"Ah, they blow up so fast,
don't they?"
Top
Subj: Two
Terrorists Get Visas (S267)
From: jerry on 3/14/2002
"To call the INS [U.S. Immigration
and Naturalization
Service] a Mickey Mouse agency
would be an insult to
Mickey." Comment made
by a U.S. congressman upon
learning that the INS just approved
visas for two of
the 11 terrorist hijackers who
crashed planes into
the World Trade Center in New
York City, in case you
wondered how much background
checking the INS really does.
UK Sun 14-Mar-02
and
Las Vegas Sun 13-Mar-02
Top
Subj: Bad
Reporting In Afghanistan War (S250)
From: jerry on 11/12/2001
Vincent Laforet, a staff photographer
for the New York
Times in Pakistan, has these
words of advice:
''I have but one thing to tell
you. Don't trust anything
you see on TV and be wary of
some of the things you read.
I witnessed how sensationalistic
the media can be .''
''We covered a pro-Taliban demonstration
last week
attended by maybe 5,000 protesters.
CNN stated there
were 50,000. The BBC estimated
40,000. We're continually
hearing of 'violent clashes
with police' when the [local]
TV stations report on non-violent
demonstrations we
covered ourselves.''
Sports Shooter via Mike Kesterton's
column (Globe and
Mail - Toronto)
Top
Subj: Taliban
Threat (S247)
From: ICohen on 10/26/2001
At a hastily called news conference
this morning, Taliban
Minister of Emigration, Mohammed
Omar, warned the United
States that if military action
continues against
Afghanistan, Taliban authorities
would not hesitate to
cut off America's supply of
convenience store managers.
Top
Subj: What
Should We Do With Bin Laden? (S244)
From: Anaise on 10/6/2001
Suggested Solutions That Won't
Work:
Killing him will only create a martyr.
Holding him prisoner will inspire
his comrades to take
hostages to demand his release.
Therefore, I suggest we do neither.
Let the Special Forces, Seals
or whatever covertly capture
him, fly him to an undisclosed
hospital and have surgeons
quickly perform a complete sex
change operation. Then we
return her to Afghanistan to
live as a woman under the
Taliban.
Top
Subj: Flying
Kites (S243)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/24/2001
Copyright The Humor Network / OptaNetwork LLC
We just read that the Taliban
law considers kite-flying
useless and an obstacle to education.
Leave it to a
terrorist country to believe
you only fly something to kill.
Top
Subj: Bin
Laden Dies On Holiday (S243)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/23/2001
Osama bin Laden, severely injured
in an American attack, is
in a US Army medical facility,
when he asks the attending
doctor, "Doc, when will I die?"
"Unsure of the exact time of
death," his Western doctor
says. "But you will die
on an American holiday."
"How do you know it will be on
an American holiday?" asks
the terrorist.
"Oh," said the doctor, "Any day
that you die will be an
American holiday."
Top
Subj: Killer
Of Sixteen (S237)
From: bonehead on 8/8/2001
Religious hard-liners and a
couple of the country's newspapers
in Iran have proclaimed Saeed
Hanayi, a serial killer who
killed 16 prostitutes, a national
hero. His goal was to kill
150, by the way.
UK Telegram 1-Aug-01
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet,
didn't pay enough
postage on aletter bomb. It
came back with "return to sender"
stamped on it. You guessed it,
he opened it and said a fond
farewell to his face.
A Saudi Arabian woman can get
a divorce if
her husband
doesn't give her coffee.
From: humorlist-digest V3 #13 on 99-01-15
(S103)
Saddam Hussein is wondering
why the United Nations won't
approve a "no-open-fly zone"
around the Oval Office.
From: ossama on 99-02-25 (S110)
"Our bombs are smarter than
the average high school student.
At least they can find Kuwait."
--A. Whitney Brown
From: dogbyte on 10/18/2001 (S246)
World Trade Center: 20 Billion
Dollars
Shock To World Economy: 1 Trillion
Dollars
Osama Bin Laden's Head: Priceless!
From: RFSlick on 2/4/2003 (S314b)
IMPORTANT NOTICE:
ALL K-MART AND WALMART STORES
WILL BE CLOSED IN IRAQ.
THEY WILL BE REPLACED WITH TARGETS.
Bawdy.Net Collage #86
Q: Why don't they teach driver's
education and
sex education on
the same day in Iran?
A: They don't want to wear out
the camel.
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
Q. What's the difference between
an Iranian woman and
the New York Rangers?
A. The Rangers shower after
three periods!!!
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
Q: Why can't you circumcise
an Iranian?
A: There's just no end to those
pricks.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #84 on 98-04-06
Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima
have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.
Q: What does Saddam want for
Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.
Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam
Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their
Whey.
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and
General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where
the hell those Tomahawks
are coming from!
Q: What is the difference between
the Iraqi Special Forces &
Senator Edward
Kennedy.
A: The Senator has killed more
people
Q: What is the best Iraqi government
job?
A: Foreign Ambassador
Q: How many Iraqis does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They can't turn them
on anyway.
Q: How many Americans does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he does it
from 200 miles away using
laser targeting,
and at a cost of $800,000.
Q: "How many members of the coalition
does it take
to screw in a lightbulb?"
A: "We are not prepared to comment
on specific numbers
at this time."
Q: Did you hear that it is twice
as easy to train Iraqi
fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them
to take off.
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-52
Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck
Q: What's the difference between
Aeroflot and
the Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more
people.
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have
glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air
Force.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #296 on 98-12-17
(S99)
Q: What number clears out an
Iraqi bingo hall?
A: B52
From: auntieg on 98-12-27
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows
and see Rubble.
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 |
Smiley the Arab from
Smiley_Central |