Subj:    Arab Jokes
               (Includes 66 jokes and articles, 08 1023n,2,cf,vXT2a,0)

Mosque in Desert
Includes the following:  Arab Loses Donkey In Parking Lot - Video (S978)
.........................You May Be A Muslim (S860)
.........................Arab Photo (S575c)
.........................Arab Father And Son Talk (S761)
.........................RIDDLE - Iranians On Phone (S315b)
.........................15 Schoolgirls Die In Blaze (S270c, DU)
.........................Funny Quotes About Osama (258b, DU)
.........................bin Laden Quotation (S257b, DU)
.........................Atomic Bomb In Afghanistan (S257, DU)
.........................Moral Question For You (S246, DU)
.........................Arab And Jewish Tie Salesman (S197, S396)
.........................Two English At A Native Restraunt (S139, DU)
.........................Arab Diplomat Is Thirsty (S121, DU)
.........................I Had A Dream (S62 DU)
.........................American, Italian And Iranian Brag (DU)
.........................Short Arab Jokes
..............................Two Arabs Talk (S313b, S649)
..............................Two Terrorists Get Visas (S267)
..............................Bad Reporting In Afghanistan War (S250)
..............................Taliban Threat (S247)
..............................What Should We Do With Bin Laden? (S244)
..............................Flying Kites (S243)
..............................Bin Laden Dies On Holiday (S243)
..............................Killer Of Sixteen (S237)

Also see ACCIDENT1    - 'Iraq Terrorist Dies' in NonJokes
         ANAGRAMS file- 'Anagrams For Osama Bin Laden'
         ASIAN file   - 'Bin Laden Look-A-Like'
         BAR-SUPP file- 'A Cowboy, A Muslim and A Indian'
         CAMEL file   - 'Sex Like A Camel'
         CHRISTMAS3   - 'Twas The Night Before Ramadan'
......................- 'Twas The Night Before Payback'
         FRENCH file  - 'Iraq Strengthens Air Force w/French Parts'
         FUNERAL file - 'Sign In A Window'
         GOD2 file    - 'How The Jews Got The 10 Commandments'
         HEAVEN2 file - 'Muslim Goes To Heaven'
         HELL file    - 'Saddam Goes To Hell'
         IRISH2 file  - 'Saddam And Paddy'
         JOBS3 file   - 'Security Bulletin'
         MIDDLE EAST  - 'US Soldier Talks About Iraq'
......................- 'Shakespeare On Iraq'
......................- (see whole file)
         NATIONAL file- 'Root Out Terrorists!'
......................- 'Oliver North Video'
         PLANE1 file  - 'Airport Screening'
......................- 'Two Arabs And A Jew On A Plane'
         PLANE2 file  - '73 Year Old Can't Board Plane'
         POLIT-BUSH   - 'Movie - Time To Bomb Saddam'
         SHIT file    - 'Don't Poop On October 28'
         SOLDIER2 file- 'British Forces Test Fire Weapons'
......................- 'USMC Bumper Sticker'
         SOLDIER-SUPP2- 'Southpark: Killing Ben Laden' - Movie
         STARTREK file- 'Pres. Bush Explains Star Trek'
         VALENTINE    - 'Sending Osama A Valentine'
         WOMEN2 file  - 'Woman Fighting In Afghanistan'
Subj:     Arab Loses Donkey In Parking Lot (S978d in horse-supp)
          From: Peter Bray on Facebook on 10/9/2015
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/earl.mills3/videos/908239815897391/
..........Click 'HERE' to see this cute, funny video.
Subj:     You May Be A Muslim (S860)
          From: AFine963 on 6/26/2013
 Source: http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/foxworthy.asp

  1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral
     objection to liquor.  You may be a Muslim.

  2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher,
     but you can't afford shoes.  You may be a Muslim.

  3. You have more wives than teeth.  You may be a Muslim.

  4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider
     bacon unclean.  You may be a Muslim.

  5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and
     suicide.  You may be a Muslim.

  6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared
     Jihad against.  You may be a Muslim.

  7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry
     explosives in your clothing.  You may be a Muslim.

  8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses
     other than setting off roadside bombs.  You may be a Muslim.

  9. You have nothing against women and think every man
     should own at least four.  You may be a Muslim.

 10. Your cousin is president of the United States.
     You may be a Muslim.

 11. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it.
     You may be a Muslim.
This joke is usually attributed to Jeff Foxworthy because
 it's a 'You may be' style joke, but Jeff did NOT send this out.

Subj:     Arab Photo (S575c)
          By Dan Piraro on 1/19/2008
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/january-19-2008/

 (Also see 'Arab Family Photo' in Middle East)
Subj:     Arab Father And Son Talk (S761)
          From: hellgunner50 on 8/17/2011

 Also called "Daddy, please tell me why?"

 A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that weird hat
 you are wearing?"

 The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the
 desert it protects our heads from the sun."

 "And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?"
 asked the young man.

 "It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot
 and it protects the body." said the father.

 The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

 His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us
 from burning our feet in the desert."

 "Tell me," added the boy.

 "Yes, my son?"

 "Why are you living in Dearborn, Michigan and still wearing
 all this shit?"

Subj:     RIDDLE - Iranians On Phone (S315b)
          LABLaughs.com on 2/11/2003

How do Iranians speak on the telephone?

Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes


Persian-to-Persian (person-to-person).

Subj:     15 Schoolgirls Die In Blaze (S270c, DU)
          From: jerry on 3/19/2002

 15 schoolgirls died in a blaze in Saudi Arabia, and 50
 others were injured, when they were prevented from leaving
 a blazing building by Saudi Arabia's religious police who
 forced them back into the building because the girls were
 not wearing correct Islamic dress, according to newspaper
 reports in Saudi Arabia.  The girls were not wearing the
 required headscarves and abayas (black robes).

 The al-Eqtisadiah daily reports that firemen confronted
 the police as they beat the girls back into the building,
 but to no avail.  Even the school guard refused to open
 the gates to let the girls out.

 BBC 15-Mar-02

Subj:     Funny Quotes About Osama (258b, DU)
          From: ICohen on 1/9/2002

 "What we know about Osama bin Laden is this -- he's
 worth $300 million, he has five wives and 26 kids
 and he hates Americans for their 'excessive'
 lifestyle."  -- David Letterman

 "The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing
 bin Laden won't solve the problem, but, you know, it
 couldn't hurt."  -- Jay Leno

 "More and more details coming out now about spoiled
 rich kid Osama bin Laden.  Time reports this week he
 was one of 52 kids. His mother must be exhausted.  This
 guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since
 expanded it to $300 million through construction,
 smart investments and gas and oil investments.  This
 way, he can use the money in his war against capitalism."
   -- Jay Leno

 "You read about all these terrorists, most of them
 came here legally, but they hung around on these
 expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.  Now,
 compare that to Blockbuster. If you are two days late
 with a video and these people are all over you.  Let's
 put Blockbuster in charge of immigration."  -- Jay Leno

 "More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden.
 You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights
 in a row, just like Clinton."  -- Jay Leno

 "This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth
 $300M.  I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole
 Smith.  We send her over there, she'll get his money,
 he'll be dead in a week"  -- Jay Leno

 "It was reported today that Osama Bin Laden has 50
 brothers and sisters.  Which absolutely shocked me
 because I had no idea he was Catholic"  -- Conan O'Brien

 "One of the Taliban spokesmen said they have thousands
 of men who look forward to death like Americans look
 forward to living, which is great because we can
 arrange that We'll set them up with death, we'll
 continue living."  -- Jay Leno

 "CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail As
 usual, we're number three."  -- David Letterman

 "Things have really changed here in Hollywood.  It
 used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get
 an envelope full of white powder."  -- Jay Leno

 "I don't mean to harp on this, but it's like the
 networks are a how-to manual for terrorists.  You see
 them on the news.  This reporter is standing outside
 a water treatment plant, going, 'If they poured the
 poison here it could wipe out thousands because the
 guard is off duty from noon until 1 every day!'"
   -- Jay Leno

 "Postal inspectors have been given advanced warning
 that Publishers Clearinghouse is sending packets of
 laundry detergent that could be mistaken for anthrax.
 Oh, good timing! What genius came up with this
 promotion?  What's next?  A ticking alarm clock? Let's
 put that in a box."  -- Jay Leno

 "The FBI is urging all Americans to beware of any
 letters or packages that have badly misspelled words.
 Man, this is going to be terrible news for the rap
 industry."  -- Jay Leno

 "In Pakistan anti-American protesters set a Kentucky
 Fried Chicken restaurant on fire.  The protesters
 mistakenly thought they were attacking high-ranking
 US military official Colonel Sanders"
   -- Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live's Weekend

 "Tomorrow night on NBC a very special episode of West
 Wing, it makes a direct reference to what happened in
 New York City.  The exact plot is being kept top
 secret.  We are the only country in the world where we
 put our battle plans on CNN, but the plots to our TV
 shows are top secret"  -- Jay Leno

 "Pakistan's ruler Pervez Musharraf predicted the
 Taliban will fall for hiding Osama bin Laden.  Ex-king
 Zahir Shah is standing by to replace Mullah Mohammed
 Omar.  And the most ominous sign of all, President Bush
 has learned all their names"  -- Comedian Argus Hamilton

 "There was a rumor that Jesse Jackson was going to go
 over there to talk with the Taliban; apparently they
 were having trouble rhyming the word Jihad"  -- Jay Leno

 "Now this really annoys me: All these people getting
 on the Internet and saying Nostradamus predicted this.
 If Nostradamus were alive today his name would be Miss
 Cleo and he'd be charging $299 a minute"  -- Jay Leno

 "US Government has said they are now going to go
 after the terrorist's electronic banking system.  You
 know what they should do?  They should transfer bin
 Laden's funds to my bank.  They'd mess up his deposits,
 screw up his statement and nickel and dime him to
 death with service charges."  -- Jay Leno

 "People want to say there isn't racial profiling at
 the airport, but let's be honest.  If you first name is
 Mohammed, and your last name isn't Ali, arrive at the
 airport extra early."  -- Jay Leno

Subj:     bin Laden Quotation (S257b, DU)
          From: jerry on 12/19/2001

 "Islamic governments have never and will never be established
 through peaceful solutions and cooperative councils. They are
 established as they [always] have been by pen and gun by word
 and bullet by tongue and teeth."

 Opening statement in bin Laden's Al Qa'eda training manual,
 found in an apartment of an Al Qa'eda member, in the UK.

 Below are links to  the translated Al Qa'eda training manuals
 should you like to see what terrorism is all about.

 Summary article from Boston Daily Globe

Subj:     Atomic Bomb In Afghanistan (S257, DU)
          From: jerry on 12/19/2001

 Bonehead award two goes to Al Qa'eda and Taliban members
 whose homes were raided in Afghanistan and who were found
 to have been busily working on a nuclear device.  But it's
 too bad they hadn't gotten further before the home was
 raided because it would have been interesting to see the
 device they would have ended up with.

 Turns out the "plans" they were poring over and using to
 produce the device was a document they got from the
 Internet entitled, "How to Build an Atomic Bomb in 10
 Easy Steps," a scientific SPOOF published in 1979 in the
 Journal of Irreproducible Results which calls it "a great
 ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch, can be used for
 national defense."

 UK Telegraph 20-Nov-01

Subj:     Moral Question For You (S246, DU)
          From: ICohen on 10/16/2001

 Think carefully before you answer this question.
 Remember, you can't check with Dr. Laura for the answer!

 I have a moral question for you.  This is an imaginary
 situation, but I think it is fun to decide what one would do.

 The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a
 huge flood in progress.  Many homes have been lost, water
 supplies compromised and structures destroyed.  Let's say
 that you're a photographer and getting still photos for a
 news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly
 poignant scenes.

 You come across Osama Bin Laden who has been swept away by
 the floodwaters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb
 and is about to go under.  You can either put down your
 camera and save him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning
 photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb.

 So, here's the question and think carefully before you
 answer the question below:

 Which lens and shutter speed would you use?

Subj:     Arab And Jewish Tie Salesman (S197, S396, DU)
          From: BartendJOTD-owner on 11/10/2000
      and From: DafterLafter on 8/24/2004

 (Also see 'Man On Camel Dying Of Thirst' in CAMEL)

 An Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for
 water, then he saw something, far off in the distance.

 Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to
 find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with a
 bunch of neckties laid out on it.

 The Arab asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have
 some water?"

 The man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you
 buy a tie?  Here's one that goes nicely with your robes."

 The Arab shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"

 "OK, don't buy a tie.  But to show you what a nice guy I am,
 I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 5 miles, is a
 nice restaurant my brother runs.  Walk that way, they'll give
 you all the water you want."

 The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and
 eventually disappeared.

 Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the man
 was sitting behind his card table.  He said "I told you, about
 5 miles over that hill.  Couldn't you find it?"

 The Arab rasped "I found it alright.  They wouldn't let me in
 without a tie."

Subj:     Two English At A Native Restraunt (S139, DU)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #311 on 09/27/1999

 Two Englishmen in darkest Africa got hungry and dropped into
 a native restaurant in a small village.  They received menus
 and noticed a fair variety of dishes.  Broiled Spaniard was
 $3.50, including salad and dessert.  Fried Frenchman, with a
 side order of vegetables, cost $3.75.  Stewed Swiss ran $3.25.
 But baked Arab was listed at $10.50.

 They called the waiter. "Why?" asked one. "Are the Arabs that

 "No," replied the waiter. "They all taste about the same."

 "But the price is so high," the Englishman protested. "There
 must be some reason."

 "Oh," the waiter said. "There is a good reason.  Did you ever
 try to clean an Arab?"

Subj:     Arab Diplomat Is Thirsty (S121, DU)
          From: kate289 on 5/25/99

 An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being
 wined and dined by the State Department.  The Grand Emir was
 unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses,
 salami, anchovies ets) and was constantly sending his man-
 servant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

 Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a
 glass of water, but then came the time when he returned
 empty-handed.  "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my
 water??"  demanded the Grand Emir.

 "A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One,"  stammered the wretched
 Abdul, "white man sit on well."

Subj:     I Had A Dream (S62, DU)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #83 on 98-04-02

 Sadam called President Clinton and said: "Bill, I called you
 because I had this incredible dream last night.  I could see
 all of America, and it was beautiful and all top of every
 building, there was a flag."

 Clinton said: "Sadam, what was on the flag?"

 Sadam said: "Allah is G-d, G-d is Allah."

 Clinton said: "You know, Sadam, I'm really glad you called
 because last night I had a dream too.  I could see all of
 Bagdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war.
 It had been completely rebuilt.  And on every building there
 was a flag."

 Sadam said: "Bill, what was on the flag?"

 Clinton replied: "I really don't know, I can't read Hebrew!"

Subj:     American, Italian And Iranian Brag (DU)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #29

 An American, an Italian and an Iranian were drinking together
 and began to boast.  The American says, "I have four daughters;
 one more and I have a basketball team."

 The Italian joins in, "I hava eight daughters; one more and I
 hava baseball team."

 The Iranian quietly acknowledges each, and then says, "I have
 17 wives; one more and I have a golf course!"

Subj:     Short Arab Jokes

Subj:     Two Arabs Talk (S313b, S649)
          From: KMACINTY on 2/1/2003
 Two Arabs are chatting.  One has his wallet out and he's
 flipping through pictures.  "This is my oldest, he's a
 martyr.  This is my second son.  He's a martyr too."

 The second Arab says wistfully, "Ah, they blow up so fast,
 don't they?"

Subj:     Two Terrorists Get Visas (S267)
          From: jerry on 3/14/2002
 "To call the INS [U.S. Immigration and Naturalization
 Service] a Mickey Mouse agency would be an insult to
 Mickey."  Comment made by a U.S. congressman upon
 learning that the INS just approved visas for two of
 the 11 terrorist hijackers who crashed planes into
 the World Trade Center in New York City, in case you
 wondered how much background checking the INS really does.

 UK Sun 14-Mar-02
 Las Vegas Sun 13-Mar-02

Subj:     Bad Reporting In Afghanistan War (S250)
          From: jerry on 11/12/2001
 Vincent Laforet, a staff photographer for the New York
 Times in Pakistan, has these words of advice:

 ''I have but one thing to tell you.  Don't trust anything
 you see on TV and be wary of some of the things you read.
 I witnessed how sensationalistic the media can be .''

 ''We covered a pro-Taliban demonstration last week
 attended by maybe 5,000 protesters.  CNN stated there
 were 50,000.  The BBC estimated 40,000.  We're continually
 hearing of 'violent clashes with police' when the [local]
 TV stations report on non-violent demonstrations we
 covered ourselves.''

 Sports Shooter via Mike Kesterton's column (Globe and
 Mail - Toronto)

Subj:     Taliban Threat (S247)
          From: ICohen on 10/26/2001
 At a hastily called news conference this morning, Taliban
 Minister of Emigration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United
 States that if military action continues against
 Afghanistan, Taliban authorities would not hesitate to
 cut off America's supply of convenience store managers.

Subj:     What Should We Do With Bin Laden? (S244)
          From: Anaise on 10/6/2001
 Suggested Solutions That Won't Work:

 Killing him will only create a martyr.

 Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take
 hostages to demand his release.

 Therefore, I suggest we do neither.

 Let the Special Forces, Seals or whatever covertly capture
 him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons
 quickly perform a complete sex change operation.  Then we
 return her to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the

Subj:     Flying Kites (S243)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/24/2001
          Copyright The Humor Network / OptaNetwork LLC
 We just read that the Taliban law considers kite-flying
 useless and an obstacle to education.  Leave it to a
 terrorist country to believe you only fly something to kill.

Subj:     Bin Laden Dies On Holiday (S243)
          From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/23/2001
 Osama bin Laden, severely injured in an American attack, is
 in a US Army medical facility, when he asks the attending
 doctor, "Doc, when will I die?"

 "Unsure of the exact time of death," his Western doctor
 says.  "But you will die on an American holiday."

 "How do you know it will be on an American holiday?" asks
 the terrorist.

 "Oh," said the doctor, "Any day that you die will be an
 American holiday."

Subj:     Killer Of Sixteen (S237)
          From: bonehead on 8/8/2001
 Religious hard-liners and a couple of the country's newspapers
 in Iran have proclaimed Saeed Hanayi, a serial killer who
 killed 16 prostitutes, a national hero.  His goal was to kill
 150, by the way.

 UK Telegram 1-Aug-01

 Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough
 postage on aletter bomb. It came back with "return to sender"
 stamped on it. You guessed it,  he opened it and said a fond
 farewell to his face.

 A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if
     her husband doesn't give her coffee.

From: humorlist-digest V3 #13 on 99-01-15 (S103)
 Saddam Hussein is wondering why the United Nations won't
 approve a "no-open-fly zone" around the Oval Office.

From: ossama on 99-02-25 (S110)
 "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.
  At least they can find Kuwait."  --A. Whitney Brown

From: dogbyte on 10/18/2001 (S246)
 World Trade Center: 20 Billion Dollars
 Shock To World Economy: 1 Trillion Dollars
 Osama Bin Laden's Head: Priceless!

From: RFSlick on 2/4/2003 (S314b)

Bawdy.Net Collage #86
 Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and
    sex education on the same day in Iran?
 A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
 Q. What's the difference between an Iranian woman and
    the New York Rangers?
 A. The Rangers shower after three periods!!!

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
 Q: Why can't you circumcise an Iranian?
 A: There's just no end to those pricks.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #84 on 98-04-06
 Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
 A: Nothing, yet.

 Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
 A: Turkey.

 Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
 A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.

 Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
 A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks
    are coming from!

 Q: What is the difference between the Iraqi Special Forces ?
    Senator Edward Kennedy.
 A: The Senator has killed more people

 Q: What is the best Iraqi government job?
 A: Foreign Ambassador

 Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: None. They can't turn them on anyway.

 Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A: Only one, but he does it from 200 miles away using
    laser targeting, and at a cost of $800,000.

 Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take
    to screw in a lightbulb?"
 A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers
    at this time."

 Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi
    fighter pilots?
 A: You only have to teach them to take off.

 Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?
 A: B-52...F-16...B-52

 Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
 A: Duck

 Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and
    the Scud Missile?
 A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

 Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
 A: So they can see their Air Force.

From: humorlist-digest V2 #296 on 98-12-17 (S99)
 Q: What number clears out an Iraqi bingo hall?
 A: B52

From: auntieg on 98-12-27
 Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
 A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

                           -(o o)-
.........................From AFine963 on 6/26/2013