Subj: Black2 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 101 jokes and articles)
Hippie Girl from
Millanimations
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Subj: Black2 Jokes (Gz) (Includes 101 jokes and articles) |
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Hippie Girl from Millanimations |
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Subj:
Barack Obama Speaks at Dr. King's Church (S573)
By Barack Obama on 1/20/2008 |
On the day before the Dr. Martin
Luther King, Jr. holiday, Senator
Barack Obama delivers a speech
to the congregation of Ebenezer
Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia.
You can hear and see the
speech at the source above,
or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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| Subj:
Bill Cosby's Speech On May 17, 2004 (S552)
From: rfslick on 8/17/2007 Source: http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/cosby.asp |
 |
Photo from University of Wisconsin |
Entertainer Bill Cosby gave a
speech on May 17, 2004, at an
NAACP event commemorating the
50th anniversary of Brown vs.
Board of Education, the landmark
Supreme Court decision that
struck down school segregation.
In his exposition to that
assembly, the man known to television
viewing audiences as
lovable, kindly, yet permanently
bemused patriarch Dr.
Huxtable spoke harshly about
his perception of the ills
affecting black American society.
You can read his speech
at the sources above, or on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Jesse
Jackson Turns White (S342b, DU)
From: DoctorDebt on 8/15/2003
Jesse Jackson got out of the
shower and was drying off when
he looked in the mirror and
noticed he was white from the
neck up to the top of his head.
In sheer panic and fearing he
really was turning white and
might have to start working
for a living, he called his
doctor and told him of his problem.
The doctor advised him to come
to his office immediately.
After an examination, the doctor
mixed a concoction of brown
liquid, gave it to Jesse and
told him to drink it all.
Jesse did and replied, "That tasted like bull shit!"
The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low."
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Subj: Black
Man At Welfare Office (S313, DU)
From: pns on 1/30/2003
(See 'Job Interview'
in COLLEGE-GRAD)
A young African American man
walked into the local welfare
office, marched straight up
to the counter and said, "Hi,
I hate drawing this welfare
check. I would really rather
find a job".
The man behind the counter replied,
"Your timing is amazing.
We just got a listing from a
very wealthy white man who wants
a black chauffeur/bodyguard
for his nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around
a big black Mercedes, and the
suits, shirts, and ties are
provided. Because of the long
hours of this job, meals will
also be provided and you will
also be required to escort the
young lady on her overseas
holiday trips and satisfy her
sexual needs. The salary
package is $200,000 a year".
The Black man said, "You're bullshitting me man!"
The man behind the counter said, " Well, you started it!"
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Subj: Black
Boy Pretends To Be White (S309)
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/28/2002
A little black boy goes into
the kitchen where his mom
is baking. He puts his
hand in the flour and wipes it
all over his face.
"Mom, look, I'm a white boy."
His mom slaps him in the face
and says "Go show your
father"
He goes to his dad in the living
room and says "Look
dad, I'm a white boy."
His dad slaps him hard in the
face and says "Go show your
grandmother."
The boy goes in his grandmothers
room and says "Look
granny, I'm a white boy." His
grandmother slaps him
in the face and sends him back
to his mother.
His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?"
To which the boy replies, "Sure
enough did. I have only
been white for five minutes
and I already hate you black
people.
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Subj: Painting
Of Three Nude Black Men (S168, S540c)
From: collins2 on 4/18/00
and
From: AFine963 on 5/17/2007
An exquisite painting entitled
"Home for Lunch" was on
display in a new art gallery
in West Virginia. It
depicted three very naked, very
black men sitting on a
park bench. What was unusual
was that the men on both
ends of the bench had erect,
black penises, but the
man in the middle had a very
flaccid, pink penis.
Two local matrons came to see
the new art gallery and
stopped at the above described
painting, both fascinated
and horrified.
"What is the meaning of this
painting?" they demanded to
know from the curator.
"Why are you showing the obscene
painting of Black men in your
gallery, and why does only
one of them have a pink penis?"
"Well," said the curator, "these
are not African Americans
sitting on the bench."
"These men are some of the finest
examples of West Virginian coal
minors, taking a noon time
break to have their lunch on
a park bench." "They are
covered in coal dust from head
to foot."
"But what about the fellow in
the middle?," says the oldest
of the matronly women. "why
is his penis pink in the painting."
"Oh, him," replies the curator," he went home for lunch."
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Subj: Ebonics
Translation Contest (S114, DU)
From: ossama on 3/21/99
This paper was turned in by an
Oakland High school student
who received the highest honors
at the school district's
ebonics translation competition.
Assignment: Please translate
the following Rap song lyrics
from Ebonics to standard English.
Artist: Notorious B.I.G.
Album: Ready to Die
Song: One more chance (remix)
Lyrics:
First things first, I poppa,
freaks all the honeys
Dummies - playboy bunnies, those
wantin' money
Those the ones I like 'cause
they don't get nathan'
But penetration, unless it smells
like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and
ugly as ever
However, I stay coochied down
to the socks
Rings and watch filled with
rocks
TRANSLATION:
As a general rule, I perform
deviant sexual acts with
women of all kinds, including
but not limited to those
with limited intellect, nude
magazine models, and prostitutes.
I particularly enjoy sexual
encounters with the latter group
as they are generally disappointed
in the fact that they only
receive penile intercourse and
nothing more, unless of course,
they douche on a consistent
basis. Although I am extremely
unattractive, I am able to engage
in these types of sexual
acts with some regularity.
Perhaps my sexuality is somehow
related to my fancy and expensive
jewelry.
Lyrics:
And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see
me, Nava-hoes creep me in they
tee pee
As I lay down laws like I lay
carpet
Stop it - if you think your
gonna make a profit
TRANS:
I enjoy playing my music loudly
on my car stereo. Apparently,
women enjoy this also because
they become sexually aroused
when they see me driving.
Oddly enough, when I visit the
Native American reservations,
some of the more sexually
promiscuous Indian women attempt
to seduce me in their homes.
Their intent is to divest me
of my earnings. Such actions
are unacceptable.
Lyrics:
Don't see my ones, don't see
my guns - get it
Now tell ya friends Poppa hit
it then split it
In two as I flow with the Junior
Mafia
I don't know what the hell's
stoppin' ya
I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades
watchin' ya
Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin
TRANS:
Understand this fact: you can
have neither my money, nor my
weapons. I suggest that
you inform your peers that we
engaged in violent sexual acts.
Currently, I am rapping
with my associates, the Junior
Mafia. I'm having some
difficulty understanding why
you refuse to approach me. I
am attempting to make eye contact
with you through my
expensive glasses, and as soon
as you respond with a smile,
I will approach you.
Lyrics:
First I talk about how I dress
and this
And diamond necklaces - stretch
Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from
the back I get
Deeper and deeper - help ya
reach the
Climax that your man can't make
Call and tell him you'll be
home real late
Let's sing the break
TRANS:
I prefer to open the conversation
with light banter about
my wardrobe and jewelry, then
I like to discuss my col-
lection of expensive cars.
This is more than enough to
convince you to have sexual
intercourse with me. I am
able to insert my penis further
into you when I enter you
from behind. Furthermore,
you will be able to reach orgasm.
I understand this to be a problem
with your current sexual
partner. He needn't be
concerned about your whereabouts.
Please phone him and inform
him that you won't be home for
a while. By the way, please
sing the chorus of the song
for me also.
Lyrics:
She's sick of that song on how
it's so long
Thought he worked his until
I handled my biz
There I is - major pain like
Damon Wayans
Low down dirty even like his
brother Keenan
Schemin' - don't bring your
girl 'round me
True player for real, ask Puff
Daddy
TRANS:
Your current love interest no
longer wishes to hear your
fabrications about the length
of your member. After I had
sexual intercourse with your
woman, she became enlightened
as to the proper way it is supposed
to be performed;
violently and immorally.
It would be in your best interest
to keep your woman away from
me as my sexual prowess is
very strong. If you are
unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy.
Lyrics:
You - ringin' bells with bags
from Chanel
Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai
Excel
Fully equipped, CD changer with
the cell
She beeped me, meet me at twelve
TRANS:
Despite the fact that you attempted
to win her at her
doorstep with bags full of expensive
clothes and a car
(the lower end model Mercedes
Benz which you financed by
signing over your current vehicle)
containing an expensive
stereo and a cellular phone,
your woman has contacted me
through my pager indicating
that we should rendezvous at
midnight.
Lyrics:
Where you at? Flippin' jobs,
playin' car notes?
While I'm swimmin' in ya women
like the breast stroke
Right stroke, left stroke what's
the best stroke
Death stroke - tongue all down
her throat
Nuthin' left to do but send
her home to you
I'm through - can ya sing the
song for me, boo?
TRANS:
You, on the other hand, jump
from job to job, barely able
to maintain payments on the
Mercedes Benz you purchased for
your woman. Meanwhile,
I continue to engage in sexual
intercourse and commit lewd
osculatory acts with your women.
My only remaining option is
to request that she leave my
home and return to you because
I have reached orgasm and no
longer have a need for her presence.
Lyrics:
So, what's it gonna be? Him
or me?
We can cruise the world with
pearls
Gator boots for girls
The envy of all women, crushed
linen
Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds
in 'em
The finest women I love with
a passion
Ya man's a wimp, I give that
ass a good thrashin'
TRANS:
The ultimate decision rests
with you. Whom do you choose as
your sexual partner. I
can take you on cruises around the
world. I will dress you
in the finest jewelry and footwear.
You will be envied by women
worldwide in your fine clothes
and jewelry. There is
a special place in my heart for
beautiful women. I will
defeat your man in an altercation
because he is effeminate.
Lyrics:
High fashion - flyin' into all
states.
Sexin' me while your man masturbates.
Isn't this great? Your flight
leaves at eight.
Her flight lands at nine, my
game just rewinds.
Lyrically I'm supposed to represent.
I'm not only the client, I'm
the player president
TRANS:
You will be dressed in finest
clothes on the runways of
Paris. I will fly you
to every state to shop for fine
clothes and jewelry. You
will enjoy sexual intercourse
with me and your man will be
forced to pleasure himself
through manual stimulation.
What a life! I'll return you
to LaGuardia in time to catch
your 8 o'clock flight. The
timing is perfect because I
have scheduled a date with a
second woman who arrives at
the same gate at 9 o'clock.
I'll seduce her in the same
way that I seduced you. I rap
well and I am a positive reflection
of my home town. Not
only am I a sexually deviant,
misogynistic, immoral, wealthy,
male prostitute, but I also
sit on the board of directors of
the organization that governs
others of my kind.
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Subj: Christopher
Does YMCA (S544c)
From: hellgunner50 on 6/14/2007 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir6YU53agFc |
The Amazing Christopher performing
YMCA as the Village
People. This is puppeteering
in a brand new direction.
You can view this 3,700 KB movie
at the source above,
or on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
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Subj: Short
Black Jokes
Top
Subj: African
World Conference Against Racism (S297, DU)
From: jerry on 10/7/2002
The African World Conference
Against Racism expelled a
dozen white people and an Asian
couple because they wanted
to restrict the conference "against
racism" to only black
people.
The Age (Melbourne, Australia)
3-Oct-02
Top
Subj: Short
Ebonics Joke (S164, DU)
From: KMacinty on 3/20/00
After spending a day with a
friend's fifth-graders, oh, MAN,
I could so relate to this:
Today's Ebonic word is: OMELETTE
Let me use it in a sentence:
I should punch you dead in yo
eye fo what you jus saide but
OMELETTE dis one slide.
Top
Subj: Black
Walks Into Bar W/Parrot (DU)
Black guy walks into a bar with
a parrot on his shoulder.
Bartender looks up and says
"Where did you get that?"
Parrot says: "Africa, there's
thousands of them there!"
From LAWS
file.
Slavery is still legal in Decatur,
Alabama.
Buckwheat attended the Million
Man March and was motivated
to convert to the Muslim faith.
His new Muslim name is
Kareem-A-Wheat.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #15
Buckwheat is in class.
The teacher says: "Buckwheat,
please spell 'dictate' for me."
Buckwheat says:
"D-I-C-T-A-T-E".
Teacher says: "Very good. Now please use
it in a sentence." Buckwheat
says: "O-tay. Hey Darla,
how'd my dictate last night?".
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #81
What's the difference between
a white fairy tales and a black
fairy tales?
White fairy tales starts, "Once
upon a time....".
Black fairy tales starts, "Yo,
you motherfuckers ain't gonna
believe this shit....."
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #221 on 98-01-07
A black man was found on the
bottom of the lake with 50 foot
of chain wrapped around him.
The Sheriff said, "Nigger should
have known better to steal
more chain than he could swim
with!"
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia,
has twice as many
bathrooms as is necessary. When
it was built in the 1940s,
the state of Virginia still
had segregation laws requiring
separate toilet facilities for
blacks and whites.
From: collins2 on 5/31/99 (S130)
Percentage of Africa that is
wilderness: 28%
Percentage of North America
that is wilderness: 38%
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 10/29/2001
(S248)
He that will not reason is a
bigot, He that cannot reason
is a fool, He that dares not
reason is a slave.
-- William Drummond
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/24/2002 (269c)
When you do the common things
in life in an uncommon way,
you will command the attention
of the world.
-- George Washington
Carver (1864-1943)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/29/2002 (s269c)
In the End, we will remember
not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
-- Martin Luther King
Jr. (1929-1968)
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/22/2002 (S274c)
"A man can't ride your back
unless it's bent."
-- Martin Luther
King Junior
From: igiggle on 1/13/2005 (S416b)
A man's respect for law and
order exists in precise
relationship to the size of
his paycheck.
-- Adam Clayton Powell
Jr.
From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 2/2/2007
(S525b – polit-supp)
"Sen. Joe Biden, on the day
of announcing his candidacy
for president of the United
States, called Barack Obama
the first mainstream African-American
who is articulate,
bright, and . . . clean.
I think we’ve seen the shortest
presidential campaign in history."
-- Jay Leno
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Subj: Black
Question & Answer Jokes (S50 & BN2)
Compiled by AJSwitzer
Q: What do you call one White
guy with...
one Black guy?
A: Liberal
three Black guys?
A: Victim
five Black guys?
A: Coach
ten Black guys?
A: Quarterback
twenty Black guys?
A: Foreman
one thousand Black
guys?
A: Warden
Q. What do you say to a black
man at the height of his career?
A. Big Mac and fries, please.
Q: What was the best thing about
the million man march?
A: Only six people actually
missed work!
Q: How do you stop five niggers
from raping a white woman?
A: Throw them a basketball.
Q: What do you say to a nigger
in a three-piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please
rise.
Q: Whats the difference between
a black and a snow tire?
A: A snow tire won't sing when
you put chains on it.
Q: Why are aspirin white?
A: You want 'em to work, don't
you?
Q: How can you tell if a nigger
is well hung?
A: You can only fit a finger
between his neck and the rope.
Q: What is the most confusing
day on the year
for black children?
A: Fathers Day.
Q: How do you get a nigger out
of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: A black and mexican are in
a car, whos driving?
A: The cop.
Q: How to keep little black kids
from jumping up and
down on the bed?
A: Put velcro on the ceiling.
Q: How do you know when a black
baby is baptized?
A: When the bubbles stop coming
up.
Q: How long does it take a black
woman to take a shit?
A: Nine months.
Q: Why don't you hit a car driven
by a black guy?
A: It's probably yours.
Q: Why did the nig run when his
girlfriend said
she wanted to give
him a blowjob?
A: He was afraid it would cancel
his unemployment benefits.
Q: What's the difference between
a pothole and a nigger?
A: You'd swerve to avoid a pothole,
wouldn't you?
Q: How do you make a nigger nervous?
A: Take him to an auction.
Q: Did you hear about Evil Kneivel's
cousin, Ku Klux Knieval?
A: He tried to jump over 50
niggers - With A Steamroller.
Q: What do you call two nigger
motocycle cops?
A: Chocolate CHiPs.
Q: What did the young black kid
get for Christmas?
A: My bike!
Q: What did the older black kid
get for Christmas?
A: My Car!
Q: What do you call a black frenchmen?
A: Jacques Custodian.
Q: What does NAACP stand for?
A: Niggers are actually colored
polocks.
Q: Whats Big, Long, Black and
smelly?
A: The Welfare Line in Harlem.
Q: Whats long and hard on a nigger?
A: The Fourth Grade.
Q: What do you call a black woman
who gets an abortion?
A: A member of Crimestoppers
of America.
Q: Why don't mexicans marry blacks?
A: They don't want their kids
to grow up too lazy to steal.
Q: How do we know Adam was white?
A: Have you ever tried to take
a rib from a black man?
Q: What is Websters dictionaries
definition of RENIGGED?
A: A shift change at McDonalds
Q: Why do niggers keep chickens
in there backyard?
A: To teach there kid's how
to walk.
Q: What was Kunta Kinte's prostitute
sister's name?
A: Rent a Kunta.
Q: What do you call a short nigger?
A: Snicker (cp)
Q: Why did The Nigger from Nation
of Islam wear his nicest
Tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: Cuz if I'ma gonsta Be Impotent
I wants to look Impotent.
Q: How can you spot a Black masochist?
A: He's the one working for
a living.
Q: Hear about the black version
of "Shogun"?
A: It's called "Shonuff".
Q: Hear about the new bumper
sticker that says
"Run, Jesse, Run"?
A: You put it on the front of
your car.
Q: How has Jesse Jackson lost
the vote of most niggers?
A: He promised to create jobs
for them if elected.
Q: What's the difference between
good nigger kids and
bad nigger kids?
A: Good nigger kids are in medium
security prisons.
Q: How do you starve a nigger?
A: Hide the food stamps and
welfare checks under a bar of soap.
Q: What is the most common form
of transportation in Harlem?
A: Ambulances.
Q: Did you hear about the nigger
and the Mexican who
opened a restaurant?
A: It's called Nacho Mama.
Q: What do you call 100 parachuting
niggers?
A: Skeet.
Q: Why did all the blacks die
in Vietnam?
A: When the sergent said "Get
down!", they got up and
started dancing.
Q: What do you call a black-midget
in Ireland?
A: A lepra-coon.
Q: What are the six words you
never ever want to hear?
A: "Hi, I be yo' new neighbor."
Q: How is transportation being
improved in Harlem?
A: They're planting the trees
closer together.
Q: Why do blacks call white people
"honkies"?
A: That's the last noise they
hear before the white
people run them
over.
Q: Why does California have so
many fags and New York have
so many niggers?
A: California had first choice.
Q: What is the difference between
a RAP group's manager and
a proctologist?
A: A proctologist only deals
with one asshole at a time.
Q: What's green and pink and
purple and orange?
A: A nigger dressed for church.
Q: Why don't niggers celebrate
Thanksgiving.?
A: Kentucky Fried Chicken isn't
open on holidays.
Q: What do niggers say during
foreplay?
A: If you scream, bitch, I'll
kill you!
Q: What is eight miles long and
has an I.Q. of 68?
A: The Martin Luther King Day
parade.
Q: What's the first thing taught
in a Harlem driving school?
A: How to unlock a car with
a coat hanger.
Q: What does cotton have in common
with noses?
A: Niggers are good at picken
both.
Q: How many niggers does it take
to roof a building?
A: Ten, if you slice them thin
enough.
Q: How many niggers does it take
to clean a toilet?
A: None, that's women's work!
Q: What do the US Postal Service
and the
Kinney Shoe company
have in common?
A: 500,000 Black loafers.
Q: What do steroids and the Ku
Klax Clan have in common?
A: They both make black guys
run faster.
Q: What do peroxide blondes and
black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What's the difference between
a black and a white baby?
A: 10 minutes in the microwave.
Q: What are the "Toys R Us" franchises
in black
neighborhoods called?
A: We Be Toys.
Q: What's the definition of everlasting
love?
A: Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles
playing tennis!
Q: Why don't black men drive
convertibles?
A: Coz their lips would slap
them to death at 30 mph!
Q: What is black and brown and
looks good on a black man?
A: A Doberman!
Q: Why don't black babies play
in sandboxes?
A: Because the cats keep trying
to bury them!
Q: What color is a black man
after he falls of
a 20 story building?
A: Flat Black!
Q: What do you get when you cross
two black people?
A: Your ass kicked!
Q: Whats black, blue, red all
over, face down
in a sewage ditch?
A: Some idiot who told too many
black jokes.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
Q: What do you call 123 white
guys chasing one black guy?
A: The PGA Tour.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #246 on 98-05-20
Q: Why are all blacks fast?
A: Because all the slow ones
are in jail.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #294 on 98-12-14
(S99)
Q: What's the difference between
St. Patrick's Day
and Martin Luther
King Day?
A: On St. Patrick's Day, everybody
wishes they were Irish.
From: Bawdy.Net #278 on 99-01-15 (S103)
Q: What's the difference between
a large cheese pizza and
a black man??
A: Only one of them can feed
a family of four.
From: Robert P. on 10/12/03 (S350b)
Q: Is it better to be black
or gay?
A: Black, because then you don't
have to tell your parents.
Q: What do you get when you cross
a nigger with a groundhog?
A: Six more weeks of basketball
season.
Q: What do you call a black man
in Thailand?
A: Tycoon.
Q: What do you call a black man
in a tree?
A: A branch manager.
\\\//
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Smiley with a fro from
Smiley_Central |
