Subj:     Greek Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 16 jokes and articles)

Greek flag from Animation Factory

Also see ACCIDENTS1   - 'Aeschylus' Death'
         FACTS4 file  - 'Cigarette Saboteur'
         HOOKER file  - 'Barmail Does Sex For Money'
         LAWYER2 file - 'Lawyer, Doctor, and Diogenes'
         SLOGAN?PROVRB- 'Greek Proverb'
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Subj:     Socrates' Triple Filter Test (S372, S548c)
          From: thebartend on 3/10/2004
      and From: jbcary1 on 7/16/2007

 Keep this in mind the next time you either hear or are about
 to repeat a rumor!

 In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was well known
 for his wisdom.  One day the great philosopher came upon an
 acquaintance who said excitedly, "Socrates, do you know what
 I just heard about one of our students?"

 Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything
 I'd like you to pass a little test.  It's called the Triple
 Filter Test."

 "Triple filter?"

 "That's right," Socrates continued "Before you talk to me
 about my student, it might be a good idea to take a moment
 and filter what you're going to say..  The first filter is
 Truth.  Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about
 to tell me is true?"

 "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and ..."

 "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's
 true or not.  Now let's try the second filter, the filter of
 Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student
 something good?"

 "No, on the contrary ...."

 "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad
 about him, but you're not certain it's true.  You may still
 pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the
 filter of Usefulness.  Is what you want to tell me about my
 student going to be useful to me?"

 "No, not really."

 "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is
 neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at
 all?".

 This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held
 in such high esteem.

 It also explains why he never found out that Plato was
 banging his wife.

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Subj:     Woman In Bar Likes It 'Greek Style' (S122)
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #304 on 5/30/99

 A man goes into a little neighborhood pub, and when he sits
 down, he notices a beautiful woman sitting at the other end
 of the bar.  He waves to her, and much to his surprise, she
 winks back at him.  It doesn't take long before he is on
 the stool next to her.

 They talk for about fifteen minutes and then the man says
 to the woman, "You're really hot!"  "You're pretty cute,
 too," she says to him.  "I'll tell you what.  I live just
 around the corner.  What do you think about coming up to
 my place?"

 "It sounds great!" the man eagerly replies.

 "Before we go up there, though," the woman says, "I have
 to ask you one question: Do you like doing it Greek style?"

 "Well...uh...I'm not exactly sure what that is," the man
 answers, "but it sure sounds interesting and I'm willing
 to learn!  Let's go!"

 So the two of them walk over to her apartment.  As soon as
 they get inside the door, the woman rips off all her
 clothes.  The man can't believe his eyes.  The woman has
 an incredibly beautiful body.  "Now, you're *sure*," the
 woman asks, "that you want to do it Greek style?"

 "Definitely!" the man replies.

 "All right, then," says the woman. "Take off all your
 clothes, and get up on the bed on yours hands and knees."

 "Sounds like fun!" the man exclaims. He leaps out of his
 clothes and climbs onto the bed on his hands and knees.
 The woman goes around and gets onto the bed right in front
 of the man.  She kneels down in front of his head.  She
 asks him again, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek
 style?"

 "Yeah! Yeah!" says the man.

 The woman grabs the man with her arms right under his
 armpits, getting him in a lock hold. He can't move at all,
 and his head is pressing right into her chest.

 One more time she says, "Are you sure that you want to do
 it Greek style?"

 The man's muffled voice can barely be heard from between
 her breasts. "Yeah!" he mumbles, "Greek style!"

 The woman's grip on him tightens like a vice, and she yells
 out, "GUS!"

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Subj:     The Original Trojan Horse Warning (S113)
          From: homeschooling.guide on 3/22/99

 FROM: laocoon@doomgloom.edu
 TO: Trojan Army Listserv ? Trojans-L@troy.org >
 RE: WARNING!! BEWARE GREEKS BEARING GIFTS!

 Hey Hector,

 This was forwarded to me by Cassandra--it looks legit.
 Please distribute to Priam, Hecuba, and your 99 siblings.

 Thanks,

 Laocoon

 WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

 IF YOU RECEIVE A GIFT IN THE SHAPE OF A LARGE WOODEN HORSE
 DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT!!!!  It is EXTREMELY DESTRUCTIVE and
 will overwrite your ENTIRE CITY!

 The "gift" is disguised as a large wooden horse about two
 stories tall.  It tends to show up outside the city gates
 and appears to be abandoned.  DO NOT let it through the
 gates! It contains hardware that is incompatible with
 Trojan programming, including a crowd of heavily armed
 Greek warriors that will destroy your army, sack your town,
 and kill your women and children.  If you have already
 received such a gift, DO NOT OPEN IT! Take it back out of
 the city unopened and set fire to it by the beach.

 FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

 Poseidon

 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
 FROM: hector@studmuffin.com
 TO: laocoon@doomgloom.edu
 CC: priam@timeo.danaos.et.dona.ferentis.gr
 RE: Greeks bearing gifts

 Laocoon,

 I hate to break to you, but this is one of the oldest
 hoaxes there is.  I've seen variants on this warning
 come through on other listservs, one involving some kind
 of fruit that was supposed to kill the people who ate it
 and one having to do with something called the "Midas
 Touch."  Here are a few tipoffs that this is a hoax:

 1) This "Forward this message to everyone you know" crap.
 If it were really meant as a warning about the Greek army,
 why tell anyone to post it to the Phoenicians, Sumerians,
 and Cretans?

 2) Use of exclamation points. Always a giveaway.

 3) It's signed "from Poseidon." Granted he's had his
 problems with Odysseus but he's one of their guys, isn't
 he? Besides, the lack of a real header with a detailed
 address makes me suspicious.

 4) Technically speaking, there is no way for a horse to
 overwrite your entire city. A horse is just an animal,
 after all.

 Next time you get a message like this, just delete it.  I
 appreciate your concern, but once you've been around the
 block a couple times you'll realize how annoying this
 kind of stuff is.

 Bye now,

 Hector

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Subj:     Mom Warns Daughter About Marrying Greeks (S241)
          From: Ossama's Laugh on 1/31/98
      and From: BennoRo on 9/9/2001

 This very young and innocent country girl fell madly in
 love with this Greek guy and was determined to marry him.
 Her mother tried hard to stop her, but when she knew she
 couldn't stop her daughter, she said to her, "Listen child,
 marry him and may you live happily ever after.  But the day
 or night he asks you in bed to turn over, you come back to
 me, for he has lost respect for you."

 The daughter agrees to this and the wedding takes place.
 Couple of years go by and they are one happy couple.  Then
 one night, when they are about to make love, the guy tells
 her, "Turn over honey, let's do it the other way."

 The girl is very unhappy. She is crying and begins to pack
 her bags.

 The husband doesn't understand and asks, "What's wrong, hon?"

 "My mom told me all about you guys. You have lost respect
 for me, so you want me to turn over.  I can't live with you
 when you have no respect for me."

 But honey," replied the Greek, "I thought you wanted to
 have a baby."

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Subj:     Irish, Jew And Greek Make A Deal w/St. Peter (S03)

 An Irishman, Jew, and a Greek are standing at the Pearly
 Gates.  St. Peter walks up and says "Guys it's been a real
 bad day, I'm beat and just want to take a break.  Tell you
 what.  If you each agree to give up your favorite vise,
 I'll send you all back."

 The three guys agree.  The Irishman gives up drink, the
 Jew money, the Greek sex.  In a flash they're back on the
 street outside a bar.  The Jew and the Greek decide to go
 in and have a drink to their good fortune.  As usual one
 drink leads to another etc. etc.  The Irishman decides to
 go in and join his friends.  As the hours pass poor old
 Patty gets thirstier and thirstier.  "What the hell " says
 Patty, "St Peter is probably asleep by now, one drink
 can't hurt". He orders a drink and downs in. In a flash
 Patty is gone.

 The Jew and the Greek leave the bar and are walking down
 the street both feeling terrible about what happened.  As
 they're walking the Jew sees a twenty dollar bill on the
 sidewalk ahead of them. He steps forward and bends over
 to pick up the bill. In a flash the Greek is gone.

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Subj:     Short Greek Jokes

From: igiggle on 11/1/2005 (S458b)
 Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools
 talk because they have to say something.  -- Plato

 I have hardly ever known a mathematician capable
      of reasoning.  -- Plato (in Quotes1)

From: Math5 file
 I have hardly ever known a mathematician capable of
 reasoning.  -- Plato

From: Imogenelumen on 1/27/2004 (S366)
 By all means marry.
 If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
 if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
   -- Socrates

From: LABLaughsClean on 9/11/2007 (S556b)
 The shortest and surest way to live with honor in the
 world is to be in reality what we would appear to be.
   -- Socrates

From: icohen on 98-11-16
 The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.
 No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.

From: LABLaughsClean on 2/27/2007 (S527b)
 Excellence is an art won by training and habituation.  We
 do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence,
 but rather, we have those because we have acted rightly.
 We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an
 act, but a habit.  -- Aristotle

From: Math5 file
 "The whole is more than the sum of the parts."
    -- Aristotle (384-322 BC)
 

 Q: What do you get when you cross a 6 yr old Japanese girl
    with a 6 yr old Greek boy?
 A: A Japanese girl with a 2 inch asshole.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #260 - Quickies! on 98-07-18
 Q: Why do Greek men wear gold neckchains?
 A: So they know when to stop shaving.

From: jcary on 99-01-18
 Q: How do Greeks separate the men from the boys?
 A: With a crowbar.

From: Tom_Adams on 99-02-06
 Q: What do you call a Greek girl who keeps running away from home?
 A: A virgin.

From: dogbyte on 2/8/2002 (S262)
 Q:  Why couldn't the Greek boy run away from home?
 A:  He couldn't leave his brothers behind!

From: Anonymous Junior on 10/02/04 (S403b)
 Q: What's long and hard that a Greek bride gets
    on her wedding night?
 A: A new last name.

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Smiley in Greece from Smiley_Central

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