Subj: Jewish3 Jokes (d3b)
(Includes 64 jokes and articles)
Menorah from
PageWorks
| >>>
Subj: Jewish3 Jokes (d3b) (Includes 64 jokes and articles) |
|
Menorah from PageWorks |
============================================================Top
Subj: Christmas
Vs. Chanukah
From: pns on 12/7/2003
Christmas Vs. Chanukah (Special Florida Calendar Edition)
Jews love Dec. 25th.
It's another paid day off work. We
go to movies and out for Chinese
food, and Israeli dancing.
Chanukah is eight days.
It starts the evening of the 24th
of Kislev, whenever that falls.
No one is ever sure. Jews
never know until a non Jewish
friend asks when Chanukah
starts, forcing us to consult
a calendar so we don't look
like idiots. We all have
the same calendar, provided free
with a donation from either
the World Jewish Congress, the
kosher butcher, or the local
Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially
in Florida).
* Christmas is a major holiday.
* Chanukah is a minor holiday
with the same theme as most
Jewish holidays: They
tried to kill us, we survived,
let's eat!!!
* Christians get wonderful presents
such as jewelry,
perfume, stereos...
* Jews get practical presents
such as underwear, socks, or
a the collected works
of the Rambam which looks impressive
on the bookshelf.
* There is only one way to spell
Christmas.
* No one can decide how to spell
Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukka,
Channukah, Hanukah, Hannuka.
* Christmas is a time of great
pressure for husbands and
boyfriends. Their
partners expect special gifts.
* Jewish men are relieved of
that burden. No one expects
a diamond ring on Chanukah.
* Christmas brings enormous
electric bills.
* Candles are used for Chanukah.
Not only are we spared
enormous electric bills,
but we get to feel good about
not contributing to the
energy crisis.
* Christmas carols are beautiful.
Silent Night,
Come o Ye Faithful.....
* Chanukah songs are about dreidels
made from clay or about
having a party and dancing
the Hora. Of course, we are
secretly pleased that
many of the beautiful carols were
composed and written
by our tribal brethren. And don't
Barbara Streisand and
Neil Diamond sing them beautifully?
* A home preparing for Christmas
smells wonderful. The
sweet smell of cookies
and cakes baking. Happy people
are gathered around in
festive moods.
* A home preparing for Chanukah
smells of oil, potatoes
and onions. The
home, as always, is full of loud people
all talking at once.
* Christian women have fun baking
Christmas cookies.
* Jewish women burn their eyes
and cut their hands grating
potatoes and onions for
latkes on Chanukah. Another
reminder of our suffering
through the ages.
* Parents deliver to their children
during Christmas.
* Jewish parents have no qualms
about withholding a gift
any of the eight nights.
* The players in the Christmas
story have easy to pronounce
names such as Mary, Joseph
and Jesus.
* The players in the Chanukah
story are Antiochus, Judah,
Maccabee, and Matta-whatever.
No one can spell it or
pronounce it. On
the plus side, we can tell our friends
anything and they believe
we are wonderfully versed in
our history.
* Many Christians believe in
the virgin birth.
* Jews think, "Joseph, bubela.
Snap out of it. Your woman
is pregnant, you didn't
sleep with her, and now you want
to blame God. Here's
the number of my shrink."
* In recent years, Christmas
has become more and more
commercialized.
* The same holds true for Chanukah,
even though it is a
minor holiday.
It makes sense. How could we market a
major holiday such as
Yom Kippur? Forget about
celebrating. Think
observing. Come to synagogue, starve
yourself for 27 hours,
become one with your dehydrated
soul, beat your chest,
confess your sins, a guaranteed
good time for you and
your family. Tickets a mere $200
per person.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Two
Jews On A Bus (S341)
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/5/2003
A young Jew and an old Jew are riding on a bus in Jerusalem.
The young Jew asks, "Excuse me, sir, what time is it?"
The old Jew doesn't answer.
"Excuse me, sir," the young Jew
asks again, "what time
is it?"
The old Jew still doesn't answer.
"Sir, forgive me for interrupting
you all the time, but I
really want to know what time
it is. Why won't you
answer me?"
The old Jew says, "Son, the next
stop is the last on this
route. I don't know you, so
you must be a stranger. If I
answer you now, according to
Jewish tradition, I must
invite you to my home.
You're handsome and I have a
beautiful daughter. You will
both fall in love and you'll
want to get married. And tell
me, why would I want a son-in-law
who can't even afford a
watch?"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Haiku's
For Jews (S212)
From: pns on 2/24/2001
Hey! Get back indoors!
Whatever you were doing
could put an eye out.
Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she beams --
nice, but
her son is forty.
Lovely nose ring --
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.
After the warm rain,
the sweet scent of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?
Wet moss on the old
stone path -- flat on my back,
I
ponder whom to sue.
The long pilgrimage
to the venerable shrine -
Leonard's of Great Neck.
In the ice sculpture
reflected bar-mitzvah guests
nosh on chopped liver.
Beyond Valium,
the peace of knowing one's
child
is an internist.
The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing-
got it at Loehmann's.
Jewish triathlon-
gin rummy, then contract bridge,
followed by a nap.
Scrabble anarchy
after 'putzhead' is placed
on
a triple-word score.
Hava nagila,
hava nagila, hava-
enough already.
Would-be convert lost-
thawed Lender's Bagels made
a
bad first impression.
Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz.
Five-day forecast-feh
The shivah visit-
So sorry for your loss. Now
back to my problems.
Now that Koreans
are the "New Jews", the "old
Jews"
can leave for Boca.
Yom Kippur-forgive
me, God, for the Mercedes
and all the lobsters.
Lonely mantra of
Jewish mother, "They never
call, they never write."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Remarkable
Quotes From Remarkable Jews (164)
From: FrankRoesch on 03/23/2000
My father never lived to see
his dream come true of an
all-Yiddish-speaking Canada.
-- David Steinberg
I once wanted to become an atheist
but I gave up . . .
they have no holidays.
-- Henny Youngman
Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved
lamenting would be
intolerable. So, for every ten
Jews beating their Breasts,
God designated one to be crazy
and amuse the breast beaters.
By the time I was five I knew
I was that one. -- Mel Brooks
The time is at hand when the
wearing of a prayer shawl and
skullcap will not bar a man
from the White House, unless, of
course, the man is Jewish.
-- Jules Farber
Even if you are Catholic, if
you live in New York you're
Jewish. If you live in
Butte, Montana, you are going to be
goyish even if you are Jewish.
-- Lenny Bruce
My idea of an agreeable person
is a person who agrees with me.
-- Benjamin Disraeali
It's so simple to be wise. Just
think of something stupid to
say and then don't say it.
-- Sam Levenson
God will pardon me. It's His business. -- Heinrich Heine
I went on a diet, swore off drinking
and heavy eating, and In
fourteen days I had lost exactly
two weeks. -- Joe E. Lewis
A spoken contract isn't worth
the paper it's written on.
-- Sam Goldwyn
I don't want to achieve immortality
through my work. I want
to achieve immortality through
not dying. -- Woody Allen
A politician is a man who will
double cross that bridge when
he comes to it. -- Oscar
Levant
Liberals feel unworthy of their
possessions. Conservatives feel
they deserve everything they've
stolen. -- Mort Sahl
Television is a medium because
it is neither rare nor well done.
-- Ernie Kovacs
When I bore people at a party,
they think it is their fault.
-- Henry Kissinger
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Passover
(S113)
From: smiles on 3/31/99
Passover is the the Jewish
holiday celebrating the Jews
freedom from Egyptian
enslavement thousands of years ago..
want to see the movie?
Look for the Ten Commandments
starring Charlton Heston..
or the Rugrats cartoon special
and hear Tommy (playing
Moses) say those immortal words
"Let My Babies Go"
Stan Kegel explains:
Passover is approaching. At
the sedar table, every Jewish
child will be retold the story
of Moses and the Pharoah,
and how God brought boils, locusts,
hail and the other
plagues onto the Egyptians.
Yet in spite of this over-
wealming evidence of God's intensions,
Pharoah refused to
let the Jews go, until a tenth
plague, the death of the
first-born children was inflicted
on every Egyptian home,
passing over the Jewish homes.
Only after this tragedy
did the Pharoah relent and let
the Jews leave slavery and
Egypt to begin their journey
to the promised land.
This has been known for generations.
What has not been
known is why the Phaaroah, in
the face of such overwealming
evidence would refuse to release
the Jews ater the first
nine plagues. It took eight
years of research by Elizabeth
Kubler-Ross, the renouned psychologist
and nurse, to find
the definative answer. Dr. Kubler-Ross
spent those years
studying the Dead Sea Scrolls
before discovering the answer.
And once found, it was obvious.....The
Pharoah was still
in de Nile.
Q: Why did it take the Israelites
40 years to get out
of the desert?
A: Because none of the men would
stop to ask for directions.
The Jewish community in Spain
goes into a panic before
Passover. Due to
a beet crop failure there won't be any
beets for chrain for the seders
this year. Upon learning
of the plight of the Spanish
Jews, the Israeli rabbinate
arranges for an emergency shipment
of beets to be flown
into Spain in time for the holiday.
All goes well and
the plane lands in Madrid without
incident. However, a
labor strike in Spain prevents
the cargo handlers from
unloading the cargo. Passover
finds the beets rotting on
the runway in the cargo hold.
What do we learn from this?
Answer: The chrain in
Spain stays mainly on the plane.
I thought you might enjoy excerpts from:
Uncle
Eli's, Special-for-Kids, Most Fun Ever
Under-the-Table Passover Haggadah
1986, 1990, 1995 by Eliezer Lorne Segal
elsegal@acs.ucalgary.ca
http://www.physics.brocku.ca/~edik/haggadah/
(more can be found at this web page)
A Present from Uncle Eli (1st stanza)
The house had gone crazy,
all turned upside-down,
with
everyone busily, running around.
Mommy was screaming ,
"Get out of the way!
You
can't keep on , lying around here all day!
Tomorrow is Passover.
You don't look ready.
We
have to remove , everything that is bready.
Pack up the old dishes
, and pull out the new.
Prepare
for the seder! There's too much to do!"
The Ten Plagues
When Pharaoh got nasty
and mean and deceiving
and wouldn't agree
to the Israelites' leaving,
God sent him ten plagues
so he might change his mind,
and the Jews could leave
terrible Egypt behind.
There was
blood in the gutters
and frogs in the butter,
and lice on their heads
and beasts in their beds,
disease in the cattle
and big boils in the saddle.
Hail started showering
and locusts devouring.
It turned dark as a pit.
Then the first-born were hit.
Rabban Gamaliel Omer...
Shh-h...
Rabban Gamaliel
has something to tell,
so we'd better all listen
to him very well.
He says that each person
must mention these three
if he wants his whole seder
to go perfectly.
Tonight these three things
might be found in your parlor--
They are: Pesah and Matzah and Maror.
Pesah, the lamb
that the Jews would prepare
at the time that the Temple
was still standing there,
to remind us of how
our ancestors were saved,
how they marched out of Egypt
and stopped being slaves.
It wasn't a soup
and it wasn't a stew.
It was more like roast lamb
in a big Bar-B-Q.
We try to remember
that lamb, if we're able,
by keeping a bone of some sort
on the table.
Matzah, this strange flat
and hard, crunchy bread
was the food that our forefathers ate
when they fled.
They didn't have time
to make something more tasty
like chocolate cake
or cherry-cream pastry,
because their departure was
ever so hasty.
The trip out of Egypt was
all so haphazard,
they left mountains of matzah-crumbs
all through the desert.
Manny, our matzah-dog,
eats it by tons.
He'll have two hundred matzahs
before the night's done.
The third thing is Maror.
These herbs are so bitter!
Let's give some to Marvin,
our mean baby-sitter!
Here's one last joke for telling
someone while
the matzah digests:
A Jewish man boards the train
heading for Texas. On
the third day the train is stopped
in the middle of
the desert and big Texan men
board the train and
bellow out,
"Are
there any Jews on this train?"
The man crunches down in his
seat and again the huge voice:
"Any
Jews on this train?"
He shrinks deep into the seat.
This great big Texan
wearing two pistols is now standing
over him and roars,
"Any
Jews on this train?"
The man gains his courage, sits
up straight and says,
"Ich
bin a Yid" (I'm a Jew!)
And the Texan replies, "Good!
We need a tenth man for
the Minyan."
(to hold Jewish prayer services
there has to be at least
ten Jewish men.)
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: The
Night Before Chanukah
From: smiles on 98-12-03
CHANUKAH
'T was the night before Chanukah,
as it is said
And Santa
was sitting and hocking his head
He had all the toys wrapped
up nice in his zeckel
For maidlach
and boys to give each one a peckel
The reindeer were saddled
and ready to fly
Like a crew
of brave astronauts all through the sky
But Santa was starving
to eat a good meichel
Some regular
food that would stick to his beichel
Not plum cakes or mincemeat
or peppermint candy
But some
kosher cooking he thought would be dandy
So he called to his reindeer,
"Hey, kinder, let's go
To a Jewish
balbusta and don't be so slow."
The house had no chimney,
so he went through the door
And kissed
the mezzuzah and jumped on the floor
Then the man of the house
said, "Santa you devil
Come on,
don't be shy and see our split level
The night is still early,
there's plenty of zeit
So come in
the den and please have a bite
If only we knew you were
coming, by gosh
But I'll
call out the wife and she'll give you a nosh
A slice of stuffed derma,
a few little strudels
Some chicken
salami, some flanken with noodles
Some blintzes, some kreplach,
some lox and bialy
A bissel
chopped herring, an end piece of chaleh
And if all of these goodies
don't fill up your gatkes
Last but
not least, some Chanukah latkes."
"A latke?" cried Santa,
"what is this delight?"
On the outside
it's golden and inside it's white.
On the outside so crisp
and inside it's yummy
And he gobbled
them up 'til he filled his fat tummy.
Then they gave him a
dreidel and showed him the plays
And he took
a menorah to light for eight days
And to give Santa some
spirit and to show how they felt
For mazel
they gave him some Chanukah gelt.
He beamed and he chuckled
and said "Kine-ahaora,
I don't want
to feel like a Chanukah schnorrer
To show you how much
I enjoyed your Jewish snack
I'm leaving
you everything, even my sack."
Then he called to his
reindeer and said, "Luz mir gehn."
And each
one got ready as he schlepped on the rein
"Giddyap Irving, Hoo
Ha Sidney, Hi ho Sadie, Let's go Minnie,
Onward Gussie,
Upward Solly, Ole Becky, Oy Vey Molly."
And they swore that he
yelled as he rode out of sight
"MERRY LATKES"
to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT."
Very Rough Translations of yiddish:
zeckel= bag
* maidlach = girl * peckel = coin
meichel = meal * beichel = stomach
* kinder = children
balbusta = lady of the house
(usually
a very nice description)
mezzuzah = Commandments inside
a small oblong ornament
attached to right
side of the door jam
zeit = life
* nosh = snack * flanken = flank steak
stuffed derma = cow intestines
blintzes = rolled like a crepe,
but stuffed full with
fruit & cottage
cheese (or something similar)
bissel = a little piece
* lox = smoked salmon (fish)
bialy = kind of roll, sold with
bagels * chaleh = bread
gatkes = guts *
latkes = potato pancakes
dreidel = special spinning top,
with hebrew letters on the
side, used for
a game at Chanukah
menorah = candle holder for
symbolic Chanukah candle lighting
mazel = luck
gelt = coins
schnorrer: cheapskate, typically
used to descibe someone
who always takes,
but never gives anything back
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Second
The Night Before Chanukah
From: smiles on 98-12-03
And here's another enjoyable version
chock full of yiddish:
Sent in by EliseMF:
'Twas the night before Chanukah,
Boichecks and Maidels,
Not a sound could
be heard. Not even the dreidels.
The Menorah was set by the
chimney alight,
In the kitchen,
the Bubbie was choppin' a bite.
Salami, pastrami, a glassele
tay.
nd Zozereh
pickles with bagels
----oy vay', Gesundt and geshmack
, the kindelach felt,
While dreaming
of taglach and Chanukah Gelt.
The alarm clock was sitting,
a klappen and ticken,
and Bubbie was
carving a shtikele chicken.
A tummel arose like a thousand
Beruches,
Someone had fallen
and broken his tuchas
I put on my slippers---- ains,Zvei,
drei.
While Bubbie was
enjoying her herring and rye,
I grabbed for my bathrobe and
buttoned my gotkies,
and Bubbie was
just devouring the latkes.
To the window I ran and to
my surprise,
A little red yamalke
greeted my eyes.
When he got to the door and
saw the Menorah,
"Yiddishe Kinder,"
he said "Kenahorah".
"I thought I was in a strange
hoise."
"As long as I 'm
here, I'll leave a few toys."
"Come into the kitchen, I'll
get you a dish
A gupel, a leffel
a shtikel fish."
With smacks of delight, he
started his fressen,
Chopped liver and
Knadlach and kreplach gegessen.
Along with his meals. he had
a few schnappes,
when it came to
eating, this boy was tops.
He asked for some knishes with
pepper and salt,
But they were so
hot he yelled 'oy gevalt".
He buttoned his hoysen and
ran from the tish,
"your Koshereh
meals are simply delish."
As he went through the door,
he said "See you-all later,
I'll be back
next Pesach in time for th Seder."
More rapid than eagles his
prancers they came,
As he
whistled and shouted and called them by name.
"Now Izzie--now Morris-- Now
Louis--and Sammy--
`on Irving
and Maxie-- and Hymie and Manny".
He gave a geshrey as he drove
out of sight.
"A
GOOD YONTIFF to all and to all a good night"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Jewish
Test (S91)
humorlist-digest V2 #224 on 98-09-22
1. There are no Jews living
in:
a. sin
b. El Paso
c. trailer
parks
2. The cleaning lady in a Jewish
household is expected to:
a. do windows
b. make latkes
c. attend
all bar mitzvahs and weddings
3. To make a good pet for a
Jewish child, an animal must be:
a. gentle
b. housebroken
c. stuffed
4. Jews spend their vacations:
a. sightseeing
b. sunbathing
c. discussing
where they spent their last vacation
and where they'll spend the next
5. A Jewish mouth never
a. lies
b. closes
c. contains
gold teeth
6. If there's a hairdresser
in your immediate family, you are
a. up on
the newest styles
b. entitled
to free haircuts
c. not Jewish
7. Wilderness means
a. no running
water
b. no electricity
c. no hot
and sour soup
8. The most popular outdoor
sport among Jews is:
a. jogging
b. tennis
c. howling
over the neighbors' lawn ornaments
9. Jews never drive
a. unsafely
b. on Saturdays
c. eighteen
wheelers
10. A truly unsuitable gift for
a Jewish person is
a. Easter
lilies
b. a crucifix
c. a Zippo
lighter
11. A Jewish skydiver is
a. careful
b. insured
c. an apparition
12. Jews never eat at restaurants
that
a. aren't
kosher
b. cost too
much
c. have paintings
for sale
13. No Jewish person in history
has ever been known to
a. become
a prostitute
b. deface
a synagogue
c. remove
the back of a TV set
14. There is no such thing as
a Jewish
a. black
belt
b. obscene
caller
c. toll collector
15. Jews never sing
a. off-key
b. "Nel Blu
di Pinto di Blu"
c. around
a piano bar
16. You won't catch a Jewish
person on a
a. horse
b. backhoe
c. toot
17. Jews are ambivalent about
a. vegetarianism
b. Jesse
Jackson
c. absolutely
nothing
Scoring: Take 1 point for
each "a" answer,
2 for each "b", 3 for each "c".
39-51: Mazel Tov! You know a
lot about Jews. Either you've
studied your loved one's family
carefully, out of desire
for true closeness plus your
respect for their traditions,
or you're from either Florida
or New York. They'll adore you.
29-38: You're not quite there
yet, but don't panic. Just
remember to do everything louder,
longer and with a lot
more butter than you're used
to.
17-28: Sorry. Better study harder.
Or consider getting a
divorce and buying a Nathan's
franchise.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
Subj: Short
Jewish jokes
Top
Subj: Jewish
Women And Chinese Food (S504b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/7/2006
The Harvard School of Medicine
did a study of why Jewish
women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that
this is due to the fact that
Won Ton spelled backward is
Not Now.
Top
Subj: Jewish
Cartoons (S384b)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 6/3/2004
The four pictures titled 'Jewish
Cartoons can be seen on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Top
Subj: Jewish
View on When Life Begins (S352)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #70 on 98-03-20
There is a big controversy these
days concerning when life
begins. In Jewish tradition,
the fetus is not considered
a viable human being until after
graduation from medical school.
Top
Subj: Grandma
Gives Elbow Directions To Grandson (S205)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 1/1/2001
Also titled Hannukkah Guilt
A grandmother was giving directions
to her grown grandson
who was coming to visit with
his wife:
"You come to the front door of
the apartment complex. I
am in apartment 14T. There
is a big panel at the door.
With your elbow push button
14T. I will buzz you in. Come
inside, the elevator is on the
right. Get in, and with
your elbow hit 14. When
you get out I am on the left.
With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but
why am I hitting all these
buttons with my elbow"?
"You're coming empty handed?"
It is better to know nothing
than to learn nothing.
-- Hebrew Proverb
From: igiggle on 1/15/2005 (S416b -
slogans)
One mother teaches more than
a hundred teachers.
-- Jewish Proverb
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/6/2007 (S563b
in Mothers-supp)
"God could not be everywhere,
so He created mothers."
-- Jewish Proverb
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #303 on 5/28/99
(S122)
Let me tell you the one thing
I have against Moses. He took
us forty years into the desert
in order to bring us to the
only place in the Middle East
that has no oil! -- Golda Meir
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/8/2002 (S288b)
Don't be so humble - you are
not that great.
-- Golda Meir (1898-1978)
to a visiting diplomat
If you could choose.... Look
Irish... Dress British...
Think Yiddish.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #189
Did ya hear about the Jewish
American Princess and her
husband who made love "doggie
style"?
He sat up and begged; she rolled
over and played dead.
From: humorlist-digest V1 #186 on 97-08-28
Sam Shwatrz was driving down
the road, gets pulled over by
a Policeman. Walking up
to Sam's car, the Policeman says,
"Your wife fell out the car
5 miles back." Sam replies,
"Thank god for that" I'd thought
I'd gone deaf!"
From: humorlist-digest V2 #138 on 98-06-04
Is that a mezuzzah in your pocket
or are you just
happy to see me?
From: humorlist-digest V3 #18 on 99-01-21
(S104)
All the major Jewish holidays
really have one basic reason
for celebration. "They
tried to kill us, we survived,
let's eat."
Q: How can you tell that Jesus
was Jewish?
A: He lived at home until he
was thirty, worked for
his dad and his
mother thaught he was god.
Q: What's the difference between
the yiddish
and the British?
A: The British leave without
saying goodbye, while
the yiddish say
goodbye without leaving.
Q: What's the difference between
a pizza and a Jew?
A: A pizza doesn't scream when
you put it in an oven.
Q: What is a real Jewish delema?
A: Free Ham
Q: What is a Jewish pervert's
favorite pickup line?
A: Hey little girl, wanna buy
a piece of candy?
Q: What's the difference between
a circumcision
and Crusifixian?
A: With crusifixian they throw
away the whole Jew.
Q: Why do Jews have such big
noses?
A: Air is free.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #86
Q: What's the difference between
a Catholic wife
and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real
orgasms and fake jewelry.
From: humorlist-digest V1 #186 on 97-08-28
Q: Where does a Jewish husband
hide money from his wife?
A: Under the Vacuum cleaner.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #193
Q: What's the difference between
a jew and a canoe?
A: A canoe tips.....
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #224 on 98-01-22
Q: How does a Jewish couple
do it "doggie style?"
A: He sits up & begs; she
lays down and plays dead.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #260 - Quickies!
on 98-07-18 (S77)
Q: What happens when a Jew walks
into a wall
with a fully erect
penis?
A: He breaks his nose.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #201 on 98-08-29
Q: What's the difference between
a Jewish Mother
and a Rottweiler?
A: Eventually the Rottweiler
lets go.
From: Robert P. on 10/12/03 (S350b)
Q: What's the difference between
a Jewish American Princess
and an bowl of
Jell-O?
A: The Jell-O moves when you
eat it.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/24/2005 (S425b
- gay)
Q: What do you call a Jewish
homosexual?
A: A He-blew
From: LABLaughsAdult on 9/7/2006 (S504b)
Q: How many Jewish mothers does
it take to
change a light
bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll
sit in the dark.
I don't want to
be a nuisance to anybody."
From: pns on 10/30/2003 (S352b in how_many)
Q: How many sons does it take
to change a light bulb
for one Jewish
mother?
A: None. Don't worry about your
mother. You go have a
good time.
I'll just sit here in the dark, again. Alone.
Q: How many Jewish Princesses
does it take to screw
in a light bulb?
A: What? And wreck my nails?
A: Two. One to get the diet
Cokes out of the fridge and
the other to call
Daddy.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Three Jewish Smileys from
Smiley_Central |