>>> Subj:     Latin and Greek Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 6 jokes and articles)

Roman Speaker from Joseph's Free Stuff

Also see GREEK file   - 'Socrates' Triple Filter Test'
         HOOKER2 file - 'A Dick Named Caesar'
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Subj:     The Death Of Caesar (S530c)
          From: Joke-of-the-Day.com on 3/14/2007

 It's a little known fact that Julius Caesar did not die
 from stab wounds by Brutus, but, rather, was poisoned.
 During a sumptuous banquet which they both attended on
 that fateful Ides of March, Brutus slipped some poisonous
 hemlock leaves onto Julius' salad. (Thus making the world's
 first Caesar's salad - no, that's not the joke, wait for it.)

 When Julius slumped over into his salad, Brutus feigned
 concern and asked, "My dear friend Julius, how many hemlock
 leaves have you eaten?" To which Julius gasped in reply:

 "Ate two, Brute."

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Subj:     'When Was Rome Built?' (S431b)
          From: LABLaughs on 4/29/2005

 Marilyn, the teacher, asked her 5th grade history class,
 "When was Rome built?" and called on Timothy to answer
 first.

 "Rome was built at night." was his answer.

 "At night?" asked Mrs. Taylor, holding her ruler firmly
 in her boney-knuckled hands. "How ever did you get such
 an idea?"

 "Well," gulped the student, hoping his answer would satisfy
 her, "everyone knows Rome wasn't built in a day."

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Subj:     Helpful Little Known Latin Phrases (S75)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #167 on 98-07-06

 Die dulci fruere.
 Have a nice day.

 Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.
 Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog.

 Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus
    alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
 If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the
    fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!

 Sona si Latine loqueris.
 Honk if you speak Latin.

 Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum!
 Don't you dare erase my hard disk!

 Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput
    tuum saxum immane mittam.
 I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an
    enormous rock at your head.

 Gramen artificiosum odi.
 I hate Astroturf.

 Furnulum pani nolo.
 I don't want a toaster.

 Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
 I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

 Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
 I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.

 Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
 Don't call me, I'll call you.

 Cave ne ante ullas catapultas ambules.
 If I were you, I wouldn't walk in front of any catapults.

 Canis meus id comedit.
 My dog ate it.

 Illiud Latine dici non potest.
 You can't say that in Latin.

 Vidistine nuper imagines moventes bonas?
 Seen any good movies lately?

 Nullo metro compositum est.
 It doesn't rhyme.

 Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
 I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem.

 Fac ut gaudeam.
 Make my day.

 Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica
    Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
 Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt
    and the plaid jacket!

 Visne saltare? Viam Latam Fungosam scio.
 Do you want to dance? I know the Funky Broadway.

 Re vera, potas bene.
 Say, you sure are drinking a lot.

 Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
 May barbarians invade your personal space!

 Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant!
 May conspirators assassinate you in the mall!

 Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
 May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!

 Radix lecti
 Couch potato

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Subj:     Short Latin Jokes

From: RFSlick on 98-12-09 (S99)
 VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

From: LABLaughs.com on 10/5/2002 (S296b)
 It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   -- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)

From: LABLaughsClean on 9/13/2004 (S452b - weddings)
 "The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen
  for girls and thirty-seven for men."  -- Aristotle.

From: LABLaughsClean on 10/17/2006 (S509b)
 "The best political community is formed by citizens of the
  middle class."  -- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC), Politics

From: igiggle on 1/13/2005 (S416b - slogans)
 By learning you will teach; by teaching you will learn.
   -- Latin Proverb

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