(Includes 84 jokes and articles)
Mexico flag from
Animation Factory
| Subj:
Mexican Joke (Gz)
(Includes 84 jokes and articles) |
|
Mexico flag from Animation Factory |
Also see BALLS file - 'Cojones'
BAR2 file - 'American,
Canadian, And An Australian In A Seedy Bar'
BICYCLE file - 'Smuggling
From Mexico'
BIRDS file - 'Red
Pigeon In Phoenix'
CARS2 file - 'Scary
Car Ride In Mexico'
CHRISTMAS4 - 'Playing
Weeweechu'
DOG2 file - 'Three
Male Dogs Meet a Beautuful Poodle'
FISHING1 file- 'Mexican
Fisherman Meets MBA'
GOD2 file - 'How
The Jews Got The 10 Commandments'
......................-
'Is
God Black Or White?'
GOLF3 file - 'Golf
Gun Murder'
HOOKER2 file - 'Doing It
Messiccan-Style'
REDNECK3 - 'Irish,
Mexican, And Redneck Do Constructiom Work'
POLISH file - 'Mexican,
English, And Polack Eat Lunch'
SCHOOL-SUPP - 'Teacher-Pupil
Joke3'
SOLDIERS file- 'LBJ
Requests Two Lieutenants'
SOLDIER2 file- 'British
Forces Test Fire Weapons'
SHIPS file - 'A
Titanic Celebration...'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
The Mexican 300 (S557b)
From: darrellvip on 9/18/2007 . |
 |
This is a takeoff on the movie
about 300 Spartans, but it
still is dumb.
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Subj: Immigrant
Laws (S543b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/8/2007
There will be no special bilingual
programs in the schools,
no special ballots for elections,
all government business
will be conducted in our language.
Foreigners will NOT have the
right to vote no matter how
long they are here.
Foreigners will NEVER be able to hold political office.
Foreigners will not be a burden
to the taxpayers. No
welfare, no food stamps, no
health care, or any government
assistance programs.
Foreigners can invest in this
country, but it must be an
amount equal to 40,000 times
the daily minimum wage.
If foreigners do come and want
to buy land that will be
okay, BUT options will be restricted.
You are not allowed
waterfront property. That
is reserved for citizens
naturally born into this country.
Foreigners may not protest; no
demonstrations, no waving a
foreign flag, no political organizing,
no bad-mouthing
our president or his policies,
if you do you will be sent home.
If you do come to this country
illegally, you will be hunted
down and sent straight to jail.
Harsh, you say? These are the immigration laws of MEXICO.
\\\//
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Subj: Earthquake
Hits Mexico (S473)
From: darrell94590 on 2/6/2006
A big earthquake with the strength
of 8.1 on the Richter
scale has hit Mexico.
Two million Mexicans have died and
over a million are injured.
The country is totally ruined
and the government doesn't know
where to start with providing
help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Canada is sending troopers
to help the Mexican army control
the riots. Saudi Arabia is
sending oil. Other Latin
American countries are sending
supplies. The European
community (except France) is sending
food and money. The United
States, not to be outdone, is
sending two million replacement
Mexicans.
\\\//
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Subj: Two
Jews In Mexico (S403)
From: DoctorDebt on 10/12/2004
(Also see 'Chinese Jews'
in Chinese)
Two Jewish men, "Sid" and
"Al" were sitting in a Mexican
restaurant. Sid asked
Al, "Are there any people of our
faith born and raised in Mexico?"
Al replied, "I don't know, let's
ask our waiter." When
the waiter came by, Al asked
him, "Are there any Mexican
Jews?" and the waiter said,
"I don't know Senor, I'll ask
the cooks."
He returned from the kitchen
in a few minutes and said
"No sir, no Mexican Jews."
Al wasn't really satisfied
with that and asked, "Are you
absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he was
dealing with "Gringos" gave
the expected answer, "I will
check again, Senor!" and
went back into the kitchen.
While the waiter was away, Sid
said, "I find it hard to
believe that there are no Jews
in Mexico. Our people are
scattered everywhere."
The waiter returned and said,
"Senor, the head cook says
"No Mexican Jews!"
"Are you certain?" Al asked once
again, "I can't believe
there are no Mexican Jews!"
"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replied
the exasperated waiter.
"We have orange Jews, prune
Jews, tomato Jews and grape
Jews, but no one ever hear of
Mexican Jews!"
\\\//
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Subj: Mexican
Prays For Food (S293)
From: coreymac on 9/10/2002
A Mexican family crosses over
the border to the Land of
Milk and Honey where the streets
are paved with gold. But
the husband can find no work.
His family is hungry, so he takes
a walk to a quiet place
at the foot of a big hill, kneels
at the base of a tree,
and begins to pray: "Sweet Jesus,
please show me a way to
feed my family..." Eyes
closed, the Mexican does not see
the Black man coming over the
top of the hill, who is
stumbling wildly with a broken
grocery sack.
When the Mexican man opens his
eyes, a large wheel of
cheddar cheese rolls down the
hill and lands at his feet!
"Oh, thank you Jesus, thank
you!" he cries, grabs the
cheese, and runs straight home.
Upon returning home, he gives
the cheese to his wife and
instructs her to make nachos.
"But wouldn't you rather
have cheese enchiladas and burritos
and other things?"
she inquires.
"No,"the husband says, "Jesus
sent this to me with a
message... As I ran home, I
kept hearing Him yell,
'THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!
THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!'
\\\//
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Subj: Bungee-Jumping
Business In Mexico (S291b)
From: HuntMcmahunt on 8/26/2002
Al and Joe are bungee-jumping
one day. Al says to Joe, "You
know, we could make a lot of
money running our own bungee-
jumping service in Mexico.
They don't have it there." Joe
thinks this is a great idea,
so they pool their money and
buy everything they'll need;
a tower, an elastic cord,
insurance, etc. They travel
to Mexico and begin to set up
on the square. As they
are constructing the tower, a
crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people
gather to watch them at work.
When they had finished, there
was such a crowd they thought
it would be a good idea to give
a demonstration. So Al
jumps. He bounces at the
end of the cord, but when he
comes back up Joe notices that
he has a few cuts and
scratches. Unfortunately,
Joe isn't able to catch him
and he falls again, bounces
and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and
bleeding. Again Joe misses
him. Al falls again and
bounces back up. This time he
comes back pretty messed up,
he's got a couple of broken
bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, Joe finally
catches him this time and says,
"What happened? Was the
cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Al gasps,
"No, the bungee cord was
fine. It was the crowd.
What the heck is a pi?ata?"
\\\//
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Subj: The
Night Before Christmas, Tex-Mex Vers.
Written by Jim and Nita Lee (Dec. 1972)
From: smiles on 98-12-11
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the casa,
Not a creature ws stirring Caramba!
Que pasa?
Los ninos were tucked away in
their camas,
Some in long underwear, some
in pijamas,
While hanging the stockings
with mucho cuidado
In hopes that old Santa would
feel obligado
To bring all children, both
buenos and malos,
A nice batch of dulces and other
regalos.
Outside in the yard there arose
such a grito
That I jumped to my feet like
a fightened cabrito.
I ran to the window and looked
out afuera,
And who in the world do you
think that it era?
Saint Nick in a sleigh and a
big red sombrero
Came dashing along like a crazy
bombero.
And pulling his sleigh instead
of venados
Were eight little burros approaching
volados.
I watched as they came and this
quaint little hombre
Was shouting and whistling and
calling by nombre:
"Ay Pancho, ay Pepe, ay Cuco,
ay Beto,
Ay Chato, ay Chopo, Macuco,
y Nieto!"
Then standing erect with his
hands on his pecho
He flew to the top of our very
own techo.
With his round little belly
like a bowl of jalea,
He struggled to squeeze down
our old chiminea,
Then huffing and puffing at
last in our sala,
With soot smeared all over his
red suit de gala,
He filled all the stockings
with lovely regalos
For none of the ninos had been
very malos.
Then chuckling aloud, seeming
very contento,
He turned like a flash and was
gone like the viento.
And I heard him exclaim, and
this is verdad,
Merry Christmas to all, and
Feliz Navidad!
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Guys Want To Watch The Olympics (S54)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #229 on 98-02-08
Three guys, one Chinese, one
French, and one Mexican wanted
to watch the Olympics but didn't
have any money to buy
tickets. The Chinese guy
suddenly gets an idea and went
home to fetch his bicycle.
He rode up to the security guard
at the gate and yells,
"China, bicycling.! Hurry,
let me in, I'm late!" The
guard, not wanting to jeopardize
his job, lets the Chinese
guy through.
Seeing that this idea worked,
the French guy runs home and
grabs a long pole and runs back
to the security guard and
yells, "France, pole vaulting!
Let me in, I'm late!" The
security guard lets the French
guy through.
Seeing how great their ideas
were, the Mexican runs home
and grabs a chain link fence,
wraps the fence around his
body and hops up to the security
guard and yells, "Mexico,
fencing!"
\\\//
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Subj: Bounty
Hunter In Mexican Bar
(Also see 'Two
Brothers, One A Lawyer' in Lawyer1
and 'Deaf and dumb bag man'
in ITALIAN file)
A bounty hunter came into a bar
in Mexico to look for a man
who had been robbing banks in
Texas. He put a gun up to
the man's head and said "Where's
the money?" Another man
came up and said "Him don't
know English. I will interpret
for you." The bounty hunter
said "Ok, tell him that I will
blow his head off if he doesn't
tell me where the money is."
So the man talked to the other
man who told him to go to the
brick building on the corner
and count three brick layers up
and three bricks to the right
and there he would find the
money. The bounty hunter
asked "What did he say!?" The man
said "Oh, senor. He said
he don't care. Blow his head off."
\\\//
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Subj: Mexican
In A Bar
This couple went to a bar to
have a few drinks. The guy
goes off to the restroom, and
sees a mexican guy picking
up on his girl. The guy
tells the mexican to back off,
he knows Karate. The mexican
guy says "Hey, ju back off,
man! I know mexican judo!"
"What the hell is mexican
Judo?" he asks.
The mexican guy says "Hey, ju
don' know eef I got a knife,
ju don' know eef I got a gun...".
\\\//
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Subj: Pissing
On A Building
This Mexican dude is taking a
piss on the side of a
building and this white dude
sees him. After the Mexican
is done the white guy asks him,
"How come you Mexicans
don't wash your hands after
you pee?"
The Mexican guy replies, "Because
we Mexicans don't piss
in our hands".
\\\//
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Subj: God
Messed With Human's Brains
God wonders what would happen
if he took the left side of
the man's brain out. He
does it and the man now counts: 2,
4, 6, etc...
So God thinks, ok, cool.
What would happen if I put the
left side back in and took out
the right side? So he does
it, and the man starts counting:
1, 3, 5, etc...
God thinks, ok, let's see what
happens if I take both sides
of his brain out? He does
it and the man starts counting:
uno, due, tre...
\\\//
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Subj; Two
American Pigs And A Mexican
From:Bawdy.Net Collage #172
Two American pigs and a Mexican
will be sent to the moon.
The ground controller does the
final check up.
"Pig# 1, do you read?"
"Groink, yes, this is pig #1."
"Do you know what to do?"
"Groink. Yes, when we leave
earth, I push the green button
and navigate the spaceship to
the moon."
"Good, now pig # 2 do you know what to do ?
"Groink. When we return
to earth, I push the white button
and navigate back."
"Very good. Mexican, do you know what to do."
"Yes, don't touch anything and feed the pigs..."
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Mexican Jokes
 |
Subj:
Mexican Epitaphs (S580c in Epitaphs)
From: darrellvip on 2/27/2008 |
| Subj:
The Limbaugh Laws (S485c)
From: darrell94590 on 5/8/2006 |
 |
Kyle: Did you hear the Mexican
weather report?
Nyle: No, what is it?
Kyle: Chili today and hot tamale!
New mexican word Choo-choo.
Used in a sentense:
Don't touch my chevy
or I'll choo-choo.
From: David at Napa Bridge Club on
12/17/2005 (S465b)
and at http://www.wilwheaton.net/mt/archives/001665.php
Translate to English ?Como esta'
frijoles?
The answer backwards is ?neab
uoy evah woH.
Q: Why do Mexicans have big noses?
A: So they have something to
pick in the offseason.
Q: How many Mexicans does it
take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice
them
Q: Why can't Mexicans become
Doctors?
A: It's too hard to spray paint
perscriptions.
Q: How do 3 Mexicans cross the
Rio Grand?
A: One swims and the other two
walked on the dead fish.
Q: How Are mexican Children Taught
To Put On Their Underwear?
A: Brown In The Back, Yellow
Up Front.
Q: Why don't mexicans have barbeques?
A: The beans keep slipping through
the grill.
Q: Why don't mexicans marry blacks?
A: Their kids would be too lazy
to steal.
Q: Why did the Mexican government
cancel both drivers
ed ? sex ed in
school?
A: The donkey died.
Q: What Do You Say To A mexican
In A Three-Piece Suit?
A: Will The Defendant Please
Rise!
Q: What do you call An mexican
with a dog ?
A: A vegetarian !
Q: What Do Mexicans Say Before
Picking Their Noses?
A: Grace.
Q: What has 3 mexicans, a chinese,
and 4 blacks?
A: the sound of a sprinkler:
"spick, spick,
spick, *chink*, niggerniggerniggernigger"
Q: Why don't mexicans have checking
accounts?
A: It's too hard to spray paint
your name on the little line.
Q: What do you call a mexican
baptism?
A: a bean dip.
Q: Why did Santa Anna only bring
4000 troops to the Alamo?
A: He had only 2 cars.
Q: What do you have when there
are two mexicans in a box?
A. A pair of loafers.
Q: What do you get when you cross
a chicano and a polock?
A: A kid who spray paints his
name on a chain link fence.
Q: How do you starve a Mexican?
A: Hide their Food Stamps under
their work boots.
Q: What's a Mexican with no arms?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What Do You Call A Mexican
With A Vasectomy?
A: A Dry Martinez.
Q: What Do You Get When You Cross
A Mexican With An Octopus?
A: I Don't Know, But It Can
Sure Pick Lettuce
Q: What Is A Wiener?
A: The First One To Cross The
Line At A Mexican Track Meet.
Q: What Is The Name Of Mexico's
Telephone Company?
A: "Taco Bell."
Q: What Would You Call A Mexican
Gigolo?
A: Juan For The Money!
Q: When Does A Mexican Become
A Spaniard?
A: When He Marries Your Daughter.
Q: Why Aren't There Any Swimming
Pools In Mexico?
A: Because All The Mexicans
Who Can Swim Are Over Here.
Q: Why Do Mexicans Eat Beans
For Dinner?
A: So They Can Take Bubble Baths.
Q: Why Wasn't Christ Born In
Mexico?
A: They Couldn't Find Three
Wise Men And A Virgin.
Q: Why Is There So Little Great
mexican Literature?
A: Spray Paint Wasn't Invented
Until 1950.
Q: Why Is The Average Age Of
The mexican Army, 40?
A: Because They Take 'em Right
Out Of High School!
Q: Why Is Semen White And Pee
Yellow?
A: So Mexicans Can Tell If They're
Coming Or Going.
Q: Why Don't They Give Mexicans
A Whole Hour For Lunch?
A: They Don't Want To Have To
Retrain Them.
Q: Why Don't Mexicans Like Blow
Jobs?
A: They're Afraid It'll Interfere
With Their
Unemployment Benefits.
Q: Why Don't mexican Women Use
Vibrators?
A: It Chips Their Teeth.
Q: Why Don't mexican Women Breast
Feed Their Children?
A: It Hurts Too Much To Boil
Their Nipples!
Q: Why Do Mexicans Pick At Their
Belly Buttons When
Their Plates Are
Clean?
A: They Want An After-Dinner
Lint.
Q: Why Do They Using Mexicans
Instead Of Laboratory Rats
In Experiments
Now?
A: Mexicans Breed Faster And
You Don't Get So
Attached To Them.
Q: Why Are There No mexican Pharmacies?
A: They Can't Figure Out How
To Put The Little Bottles
In The Typewriter.
Q: Why Are Mexicans So Quick
On Their Feet?
A: Because They Spend Their
First Nine Months
Dodging Coat Hangers.
Q: What Happened To The Mexicans
National Library?
A: Someone Stole The Book.
Q: What Do You Get When You Cross
A mexican And A Squirrel?
A: A Tree Full Of Hubcaps.
Q: What do you call a Mexican
at a university?
A: The caretaker.
Q: What Did The mexican Do With
His First Fifty Cent Piece?
A: He Married Her.
Q: What Are The Three Most Difficult
Years In A mexican's Life?
A: Second Grade.
Q: How Many Mexicans Does It
Take To Eat An Armadillo?
A: Three, One To Eat It And
Two To Watch For Cars.
Q: How Many mexican Men Does
It Take To Do The Washing Up?
A: None Its Women's Work!
Q: How Does The mexican Prepare
For A Trip In Alaska?
A: He Packs A Six-Pack In Case
He Has To Leave
A Message In The
Snow.
Q: How does a Mexican count?
A: "1, 2, 3, another, another,
another...."
Q: How do you break a Mexican's
finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How can you tell a Mexican
woman is on her period?
A: She's only wearing one sock
Q: How can you tell a Mexican
cock sucker?
A: He's the one spitting feathers.
Q: Have you heard about the Mexican
500 car race?
A: The first car to start wins.
Q: Did You Hear About The mexican
Terrorist Sent
To Blow Up A Car?
A: He Burned His Mouth On The
Tailpipe.
Q: Did you hear about the Mexican
lesbian?
A: She loved men.
Q: Why do Mexicans keep tin foil
on their noses?
A: Keeps their lunch warm.
Q: What is the best selling deoderant
in Mexico?
A: Raid.
Q: Why do mexicans drive lowriders?
A: So they can drive and pick
lettuce.
Q: Why do mexicans have small
sterring wheels?
A: So they can drive with handcuffs
on!
Q: What do you call a kid that's
half mexican
and half polish?
A: Retardo.
Q: How many mexican mechanics
does it take to lube a car?
A: One if you back over him
twice.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any
athletes in the Olympics?
A: Because anyone who could
run, jump or swim is over here!
Q: What do you call a mexican
queer?
A: A senor eater.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #195 on 98-08-23
(S300)
and From: barbara@agdatasystems.com
on 10/27/2002
Q: What do you call four bull
fighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko.
From: Someone Shy on 03/24/03
Q: What's 5 miles long and has
the IQ of 10?
A: The Cinco de Mayo parade.
From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003 (S322b)
Q: What do you call two Mexicans
playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.
From: Raul H. on 10/6/0303 (S349b)
Q: What do you call a Mexican
without a car?
A: Joaquin.
From: Robert P. on 10/12/03 (S350b)
Q: Did you hear about the two
Mexicans on That's Incredible?
A: One had auto insurance and
the other was an only child.
\\\//
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 |
Three Smileys as a Mexican
band from
Smiley_Central |