(Includes 87 jokes and articles, 27772n,7,cf)
Mexico flag from
Also see BALLS file - 'Cojones'
BAR2 file - 'American, Canadian, And An Australian In A Seedy Bar'
BICYCLE file - 'Smuggling From Mexico'
BIRDS file - 'Red Pigeon In Phoenix'
CARS2 file - 'Scary Car Ride In Mexico'
CHRISTMAS4 - 'Playing Weeweechu'
DOG2 file - 'Three Male Dogs Meet a Beautuful Poodle'
FISHING1 file- 'Mexican Fisherman Meets MBA'
GOD2 file - 'How The Jews Got The 10 Commandments'
......................- 'Is God Black Or White?'
GOLF3 file - 'Golf Gun Murder'
HOOKER2 file - 'Doing It Messiccan-Style'
JESUS file - 'Need Help? Call Jesus'
MOVIES2 file - 'Tom Hanks On Univision' - Movie
OTH-ANIM-SUPP- 'A Mariachi Band Serenading A Beluga Whale' - Movie
REDNECK3 - 'Irish, Mexican, And Redneck Do Constructiom Work'
POLISH file - 'Mexican, English, And Polack Eat Lunch'
SCHOOL-SUPP - 'Teacher-Pupil Joke3'
SOLDIERS file- 'LBJ Requests Two Lieutenants'
SOLDIER2 file- 'British Forces Test Fire Weapons'
SHIPS file - 'A Titanic Celebration...'
THO-TIME-SUPP- 'Thousands Expect Apocalypse in 2012'
TREE file - 'The Bacon Tree'
Mexican Tree Removal (S753 in Trees)
Normally I do not forward homemade,
disaster movies, but
this one is funny and no one was hurt. Click on either
source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this 2007 video.
Subj: Mexican Prays For Food (S293)
From: coreymac on 9/10/2002
A Mexican family crosses over
the border to the Land of
Milk and Honey where the streets are paved with gold. But
the husband can find no work.
His family is hungry, so he takes
a walk to a quiet place
at the foot of a big hill, kneels at the base of a tree,
and begins to pray: "Sweet Jesus, please show me a way to
feed my family..." Eyes closed, the Mexican does not see
the Black man coming over the top of the hill, who is
stumbling wildly with a broken grocery sack.
When the Mexican man opens his
eyes, a large wheel of
cheddar cheese rolls down the hill and lands at his feet!
"Oh, thank you Jesus, thank you!" he cries, grabs the
cheese, and runs straight home.
Upon returning home, he gives
the cheese to his wife and
instructs her to make nachos. "But wouldn't you rather
have cheese enchiladas and burritos and other things?"
"No,"the husband says, "Jesus
sent this to me with a
message... As I ran home, I kept hearing Him yell,
'THAT'S NACHO CHEESE! THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!'
The Mexican 300 (S557b)
From: darrellvip on 9/18/2007
This is a takeoff on the movie
about 300 Spartans, but it
still is dumb.
Subj: Mexican Lawmakers Denounce New AZ Law (S638b)
From: tom on 4/3/2009
Delegation of Mexican lawmakers
denounces employer sanctions law
from Associated Press on Jan. 16, 2008
"TUCSON- A delegation of nine
state legislators from Sonora
traveled to Tucson to make the case against Arizona's new
employer sanctions law,
The lawmakers say it will have
a devastating affect on the
At a news conference Tuesday,
they said Sonora cannot handle
the demand for housing, jobs and schools it will face as
illegal Mexican workers in Arizona return to their hometowns
without jobs or money.
The law, which took effect Jan.1,
punishes employers who
knowingly hire individuals who don't have valid legal
documents to work in the United States.
Businesses found violating the
law face suspension or loss
of a business license.
The lawmakers were to travel
to Phoenix Wednesday for a
breakfast meeting with Hispanic legislators.
They're expected to tell them
how the law will affect
Mexican families on both sides of the border.
"How can they pass a law like
this?" asked Mexican Rep.
Leticia Amparano Gamez, who represents Nogales. "There
is not one person living in Sonora who does not have a
friend or relative working in Arizona," Amparano said
Amparano said the Sonoran legislators
are already asking
the federal government of Mexico for help.
Rep. Florencio Diaz Armenta,
coordinator of the delegation,
represents the agricultural rich San Luis, Rio Colorado,
area south of Yuma which employs some 28,000 legal
"What do we do with the repatriated?"
he asked. "As
Mexicans, we are worried. They are Mexicans but they
are also people's fathers and mothers and young people
with jobs who won't have work in Sonora."
Diaz said the Arizona law will
lead to the disintegration
of the family, as one legal Mexican parent remains in
Arizona and the other returns to Mexico."
MercuryNews Source: http://www.azcentral.com/news
Bottom Line.... The Mexican government
is running scared
from their own people now that they can not dump the
result of their failed policies on our door steps.
Fred Thompson and Duncan Hunter are right. There is no
need to round up the illegal immigrunts. Enforcement of
our own laws works!
Subj: Immigrant Laws (S543b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 6/8/2007
There will be no special bilingual
programs in the schools,
no special ballots for elections, all government business
will be conducted in our language.
Foreigners will NOT have the
right to vote no matter how
long they are here.
Foreigners will NEVER be able to hold political office.
Foreigners will not be a burden
to the taxpayers. No
welfare, no food stamps, no health care, or any government
Foreigners can invest in this
country, but it must be an
amount equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.
If foreigners do come and want
to buy land that will be
okay, BUT options will be restricted. You are not allowed
waterfront property. That is reserved for citizens
naturally born into this country.
Foreigners may not protest; no
demonstrations, no waving a
foreign flag, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing
our president or his policies, if you do you will be sent home.
If you do come to this country
illegally, you will be hunted
down and sent straight to jail.
Harsh, you say? These are the immigration laws of MEXICO.
The Limbaugh Laws (S485c)
Subj: Earthquake Hits Mexico (S473)
From: darrell94590 on 2/6/2006
A big earthquake with the strength
of 8.1 on the Richter
scale has hit Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and
over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined
and the government doesn't know where to start with providing
help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Canada is sending troopers
to help the Mexican army control the riots. Saudi Arabia is
sending oil. Other Latin American countries are sending
supplies. The European community (except France) is sending
food and money. The United States, not to be outdone, is
sending two million replacement Mexicans.
Subj: Two Jews In Mexico (S403)
From: DoctorDebt on 10/12/2004
(Also see 'Chinese Jews' in Chinese)
Two Jewish men, "Sid" and
"Al" were sitting in a Mexican
restaurant. Sid asked Al, "Are there any people of our
faith born and raised in Mexico?"
Al replied, "I don't know, let's
ask our waiter." When
the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican
Jews?" and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask
He returned from the kitchen
in a few minutes and said
"No sir, no Mexican Jews." Al wasn't really satisfied
with that and asked, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he was
dealing with "Gringos" gave
the expected answer, "I will check again, Senor!" and
went back into the kitchen.
While the waiter was away, Sid
said, "I find it hard to
believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are
The waiter returned and said,
"Senor, the head cook says
"No Mexican Jews!"
"Are you certain?" Al asked once
again, "I can't believe
there are no Mexican Jews!"
"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replied
the exasperated waiter.
"We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape
Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!"
The Story Of A Sign (S611 in Hand-Supp)
From: edapsmas on 9/22/2008
Photo from YouTube.com...
This short film (5 min.) was
voted #1 for the special award
at the Cannes 2008 Film Festival by YouTube viewers. You
view this touching movie at the either source shown above,
or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Bungee-Jumping Business In Mexico (S291b)
From: HuntMcmahunt on 8/26/2002
Al and Joe are bungee-jumping
one day. Al says to Joe, "You
know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-
jumping service in Mexico. They don't have it there." Joe
thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and
buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord,
insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up
on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a
crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people
gather to watch them at work.
When they had finished, there
was such a crowd they thought
it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So Al
jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he
comes back up Joe notices that he has a few cuts and
scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him
and he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and
bleeding. Again Joe misses
him. Al falls again and bounces back up. This time he
comes back pretty messed up, he's got a couple of broken
bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Joe finally
catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the
cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Al gasps,
"No, the bungee cord was
fine. It was the crowd. What the heck is a pi?ata?"
Subj; Two American Pigs And A Mexican
From:Bawdy.Net Collage #172
Two American pigs and a Mexican
will be sent to the moon.
The ground controller does the final check up.
"Pig# 1, do you read?"
"Groink, yes, this is pig #1."
"Do you know what to do?"
"Groink. Yes, when we leave
earth, I push the green button
and navigate the spaceship to the moon."
"Good, now pig # 2 do you know what to do ?
"Groink. When we return
to earth, I push the white button
and navigate back."
"Very good. Mexican, do you know what to do."
"Yes, don't touch anything and feed the pigs..."
Get A Yob (S643b)
Get a YOB - Joseph Mencia's 7
Days to Wetback English Video
is racist, but cute. Click on the above source, or 'HERE'
for my file copy, to see this video from Comedy Central.
Subj: The Night Before Christmas, Tex-Mex Vers.
Written by Jim and Nita Lee (Dec. 1972)
From: smiles on 98-12-11
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the casa,
Not a creature ws stirring Caramba! Que pasa?
Los ninos were tucked away in their camas,
Some in long underwear, some in pijamas,
While hanging the stockings with mucho cuidado
In hopes that old Santa would feel obligado
To bring all children, both buenos and malos,
A nice batch of dulces and other regalos.
Outside in the yard there arose such a grito
That I jumped to my feet like a fightened cabrito.
I ran to the window and looked out afuera,
And who in the world do you think that it era?
Saint Nick in a sleigh and a big red sombrero
Came dashing along like a crazy bombero.
And pulling his sleigh instead of venados
Were eight little burros approaching volados.
I watched as they came and this quaint little hombre
Was shouting and whistling and calling by nombre:
"Ay Pancho, ay Pepe, ay Cuco, ay Beto,
Ay Chato, ay Chopo, Macuco, y Nieto!"
Then standing erect with his hands on his pecho
He flew to the top of our very own techo.
With his round little belly like a bowl of jalea,
He struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea,
Then huffing and puffing at last in our sala,
With soot smeared all over his red suit de gala,
He filled all the stockings with lovely regalos
For none of the ninos had been very malos.
Then chuckling aloud, seeming very contento,
He turned like a flash and was gone like the viento.
And I heard him exclaim, and this is verdad,
Merry Christmas to all, and Feliz Navidad!
Subj: Three Guys Want To Watch The Olympics (S54)
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #229 on 98-02-08
Three guys, one Chinese, one
French, and one Mexican wanted
to watch the Olympics but didn't have any money to buy
tickets. The Chinese guy suddenly gets an idea and went
home to fetch his bicycle.
He rode up to the security guard
at the gate and yells,
"China, bicycling.! Hurry, let me in, I'm late!" The
guard, not wanting to jeopardize his job, lets the Chinese
Seeing that this idea worked,
the French guy runs home and
grabs a long pole and runs back to the security guard and
yells, "France, pole vaulting! Let me in, I'm late!" The
security guard lets the French guy through.
Seeing how great their ideas
were, the Mexican runs home
and grabs a chain link fence, wraps the fence around his
body and hops up to the security guard and yells, "Mexico,
2 Girls And The US Border Fence (S736)
From my son Walt on 2/21/2011
Since the mid-1990s, the US has
built fencing at various
points along the southern border in an attempt to deter
would-be immigrants from Mexico. Building the fence is
not cheap. On average, each mile of border fence costs
US taxpayers about $4 million to build and will cost
another $6.5 billion over the next 20 years to repair
Are we getting our money's worth?
Is the border fence
an effective deterrent? To find out, I asked two young
women, both only about 5'5", to see if they could climb
the wall. Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my
copy to watch these two girls test the US border fence.
The information and video from
the source at
http://www.TheOtherSideOfImmigration.com presents the
other side of the story as viewed by the Mexican citizens.
Subj: Bounty Hunter In Mexican Bar
(Also see 'Two Brothers, One A Lawyer' in Lawyer1
and 'Deaf and dumb bag man' in ITALIAN file)
A bounty hunter came into a bar
in Mexico to look for a man
who had been robbing banks in Texas. He put a gun up to
the man's head and said "Where's the money?" Another man
came up and said "Him don't know English. I will interpret
for you." The bounty hunter said "Ok, tell him that I will
blow his head off if he doesn't tell me where the money is."
So the man talked to the other man who told him to go to the
brick building on the corner and count three brick layers up
and three bricks to the right and there he would find the
money. The bounty hunter asked "What did he say!?" The man
said "Oh, senor. He said he don't care. Blow his head off."
Subj: Mexican In A Bar
This couple went to a bar to
have a few drinks. The guy
goes off to the restroom, and sees a mexican guy picking
up on his girl. The guy tells the mexican to back off,
he knows Karate. The mexican guy says "Hey, ju back off,
man! I know mexican judo!" "What the hell is mexican
Judo?" he asks.
The mexican guy says "Hey, ju
don' know eef I got a knife,
ju don' know eef I got a gun...".
Subj: Pissing On A Building
This Mexican dude is taking a
piss on the side of a
building and this white dude sees him. After the Mexican
is done the white guy asks him, "How come you Mexicans
don't wash your hands after you pee?"
The Mexican guy replies, "Because
we Mexicans don't piss
in our hands".
Subj: God Messed With Human's Brains
God wonders what would happen
if he took the left side of
the man's brain out. He does it and the man now counts: 2,
4, 6, etc...
So God thinks, ok, cool.
What would happen if I put the
left side back in and took out the right side? So he does
it, and the man starts counting: 1, 3, 5, etc...
God thinks, ok, let's see what
happens if I take both sides
of his brain out? He does it and the man starts counting:
uno, due, tre...
Subj: Short Mexican Jokes
Mexican Epitaphs (S580c in Epitaphs)
Kyle: Did you hear the Mexican
Nyle: No, what is it?
Kyle: Chili today and hot tamale!
New mexican word Choo-choo.
Used in a sentense:
Don't touch my chevy or I'll choo-choo.
From: David at Napa Bridge Club on
and at http://www.wilwheaton.net/mt/archives/001665.php
Translate to English ?Como esta' frijoles?
The answer backwards is ?neab uoy evah woH.
Q: Why do Mexicans have big noses?
A: So they have something to pick in the offseason.
Q: How many Mexicans does it
take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them
Q: Why can't Mexicans become
A: It's too hard to spray paint perscriptions.
Q: How do 3 Mexicans cross the
A: One swims and the other two walked on the dead fish.
Q: How Are mexican Children Taught
To Put On Their Underwear?
A: Brown In The Back, Yellow Up Front.
Q: Why don't mexicans have barbeques?
A: The beans keep slipping through the grill.
Q: Why don't mexicans marry blacks?
A: Their kids would be too lazy to steal.
Q: Why did the Mexican government
cancel both drivers
ed ? sex ed in school?
A: The donkey died.
Q: What Do You Say To A mexican
In A Three-Piece Suit?
A: Will The Defendant Please Rise!
Q: What do you call An mexican
with a dog ?
A: A vegetarian !
Q: What Do Mexicans Say Before
Picking Their Noses?
Q: What has 3 mexicans, a chinese,
and 4 blacks?
A: the sound of a sprinkler:
"spick, spick, spick, *chink*, niggerniggerniggernigger"
Q: Why don't mexicans have checking
A: It's too hard to spray paint your name on the little line.
Q: What do you call a mexican
A: a bean dip.
Q: Why did Santa Anna only bring
4000 troops to the Alamo?
A: He had only 2 cars.
Q: What do you have when there
are two mexicans in a box?
A. A pair of loafers.
Q: What do you get when you cross
a chicano and a polock?
A: A kid who spray paints his name on a chain link fence.
Q: How do you starve a Mexican?
A: Hide their Food Stamps under their work boots.
Q: What's a Mexican with no arms?
Q: What Do You Call A Mexican
With A Vasectomy?
A: A Dry Martinez.
Q: What Do You Get When You Cross
A Mexican With An Octopus?
A: I Don't Know, But It Can Sure Pick Lettuce
Q: What Is A Wiener?
A: The First One To Cross The Line At A Mexican Track Meet.
Q: What Is The Name Of Mexico's
A: "Taco Bell."
Q: What Would You Call A Mexican
A: Juan For The Money!
Q: When Does A Mexican Become
A: When He Marries Your Daughter.
Q: Why Aren't There Any Swimming
Pools In Mexico?
A: Because All The Mexicans Who Can Swim Are Over Here.
Q: Why Do Mexicans Eat Beans
A: So They Can Take Bubble Baths.
Q: Why Wasn't Christ Born In
A: They Couldn't Find Three Wise Men And A Virgin.
Q: Why Is There So Little Great
A: Spray Paint Wasn't Invented Until 1950.
Q: Why Is The Average Age Of
The mexican Army, 40?
A: Because They Take 'em Right Out Of High School!
Q: Why Is Semen White And Pee
A: So Mexicans Can Tell If They're Coming Or Going.
Q: Why Don't They Give Mexicans
A Whole Hour For Lunch?
A: They Don't Want To Have To Retrain Them.
Q: Why Don't Mexicans Like Blow
A: They're Afraid It'll Interfere With Their
Q: Why Don't mexican Women Use
A: It Chips Their Teeth.
Q: Why Don't mexican Women Breast
Feed Their Children?
A: It Hurts Too Much To Boil Their Nipples!
Q: Why Do Mexicans Pick At Their
Belly Buttons When
Their Plates Are Clean?
A: They Want An After-Dinner Lint.
Q: Why Do They Using Mexicans
Instead Of Laboratory Rats
In Experiments Now?
A: Mexicans Breed Faster And You Don't Get So
Attached To Them.
Q: Why Are There No mexican Pharmacies?
A: They Can't Figure Out How To Put The Little Bottles
In The Typewriter.
Q: Why Are Mexicans So Quick
On Their Feet?
A: Because They Spend Their First Nine Months
Dodging Coat Hangers.
Q: What Happened To The Mexicans
A: Someone Stole The Book.
Q: What Do You Get When You Cross
A mexican And A Squirrel?
A: A Tree Full Of Hubcaps.
Q: What do you call a Mexican
at a university?
A: The caretaker.
Q: What Did The mexican Do With
His First Fifty Cent Piece?
A: He Married Her.
Q: What Are The Three Most Difficult
Years In A mexican's Life?
A: Second Grade.
Q: How Many Mexicans Does It
Take To Eat An Armadillo?
A: Three, One To Eat It And Two To Watch For Cars.
Q: How Many mexican Men Does
It Take To Do The Washing Up?
A: None Its Women's Work!
Q: How Does The mexican Prepare
For A Trip In Alaska?
A: He Packs A Six-Pack In Case He Has To Leave
A Message In The Snow.
Q: How does a Mexican count?
A: "1, 2, 3, another, another, another...."
Q: How do you break a Mexican's
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How can you tell a Mexican
woman is on her period?
A: She's only wearing one sock
Q: How can you tell a Mexican
A: He's the one spitting feathers.
Q: Have you heard about the Mexican
500 car race?
A: The first car to start wins.
Q: Did You Hear About The mexican
To Blow Up A Car?
A: He Burned His Mouth On The Tailpipe.
Q: Did you hear about the Mexican
A: She loved men.
Q: Why do Mexicans keep tin foil
on their noses?
A: Keeps their lunch warm.
Q: What is the best selling deoderant
Q: Why do mexicans drive lowriders?
A: So they can drive and pick lettuce.
Q: Why do mexicans have small
A: So they can drive with handcuffs on!
Q: What do you call a kid that's
and half polish?
Q: How many mexican mechanics
does it take to lube a car?
A: One if you back over him twice.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any
athletes in the Olympics?
A: Because anyone who could run, jump or swim is over here!
Q: What do you call a mexican
A: A senor eater.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #195 on 98-08-23
and From: firstname.lastname@example.org on 10/27/2002
Q: What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko.
From: Someone Shy on 03/24/03
Q: What's 5 miles long and has the IQ of 10?
A: The Cinco de Mayo parade.
From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003 (S322b)
Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.
From: Raul H. on 10/6/0303 (S349b)
Q: What do you call a Mexican without a car?
From: Robert P. on 10/12/03 (S350b)
Q: Did you hear about the two Mexicans on That's Incredible?
A: One had auto insurance and the other was an only child.
|Three Smileys as a Mexican