Subj: Native Jokes(Gz)
(Includes 55 jokes and articles)
Natives Cookin from
Millanimations
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Subj: Native Jokes(Gz) (Includes 55 jokes and articles) |
|
Natives Cookin from Millanimations |
Also see ARAB file
- 'Two English At
A Native Restraunt'
DOCTOR3 file - 'Doctor
Gives Sex Talk To Naive Groom'
ENGINEERS2 - 'Five
Cannibals Become Engineers'
FART file - 'Three
Eskimos Brag'
GAMES file - 'BJ
roulette'
......................-
'African Roulette'
MATH2 file - 'Pregnant
Indian Math'
......................-
'Pythagorean's Theorem'
PENIS2 file - 'Husband
Visits Witch Doctor For Impotency'
RABBI file - 'Priest,
Rabbi, Witchdoctor and A Fly'
STRANDED file- 'Stranded
On Island With Natives'
WEDDING file - 'The
Wedding Night And Teeth'
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Subj: African
King Proposes Marriage (S448b)
From: philsam on 8/15/2005
The beautiful secretary of the
president of a bank goes on
a sight-seeing tour with a very
rich African king who was a
very important client.
The client out of the blue asks her
to marry him. Naturally,
the secretary is quite taken aback.
However, she remembers what
her boss told her ...don't reject
the guy outright. So, she tries
to think of a way to dissuade
the businessman from wanting
to marry her.
So, after a few minutes, the
woman says to the man, "I will
only marry you under three conditions.
First, I want my
engagement ring to be a 75-carat
diamond ring with a matching
200-carat diamond tiara."
The African king pauses for awhile.
Then, he nods his head and
says, "No problem! I have. I
have."
Realizing her first condition
was too easy the woman says to
the man, "I want you to build
me a 100-room mansion in New York.
As a vacation home, I want a
chateau built in the middle of the
best wine country in France."
The African king pauses for awhile.
He whips out his cellular
phone and calls some brokers
in New York and in France. He
looks at the woman, nods his
head and says, "Okay, okay. I build.
I build."
Realizing that she only has one
last condition, the secretary
knows that she'd better make
this a good one. She takes her
time to think and finally she
gets an idea. A sure-to-work
condition. She squints her eyes,
looks at the man and says,
rather coldly, "Since I truly
enjoy sex, I want the man I marry
to be endowed with a 14 inches
of manhood."
The king seems a bit disturbed.
He cups his face with his hands
and rests his elbows on the
table, all the while muttering in
native dialect.
Finally, after what seemed like
forever, the king shakes his
head, looking really sad, and
says to the woman, "Okay, okay.
I cut. I cut..."
\\\//
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Subj: Cannibal
Riddle (S301b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 11/3/2002
What you call the cannibal who eats his mother's sister?
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Scroll down for the answer
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x
Here it comes
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ANSWER
Aunteater
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Subj: Cannibal
Riddle II (S404b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 02-16-2004
One evening, the Chompem Cannibals
of Drybone Island threw
a dinner party, one of those
bring-a-friend get-togethers.
Six cannibals turned up and
they decided to eat each other
in turn. So someone was
selected for everyone to eat
(except the victim!), and when
he had been eaten, someone
else was selected, and so on.
If it took one cannibal two
hours on his own to devour one
person, how long was it
before just one consumer remained?
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x
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Scroll down for the answer
x
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x
x
Here it comes
x
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ANSWER
It took 4 hours 34 minutes for
one cannibal to remain. It
took 5 cannibals, 2/5 hours
to eat the first victim, four
cannibals 2/4 hours to devour
the second, three cannibals
2/3 hours for the third, two
cannibals 2/2 hours for the
fourth and one cannibal 2/1
hours for the fifth. One could
argue that stomach contents
increase a cannibal's edible
volume when he is the victim.
However, if the further
interpretation is granted that
these contents also turn a
cannibal as consumer into more
than one cannibal, the
original solution is restored!
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Subj: Some
Thoughts On Cannibals (S287b, DU)
From: pns on 7/29/2002
The Pillsbury dough boy turns
30 this year. Do we give him
a cake for his
birthday? Isn't that cannibalism?
(Contributed by
Juneisy)
If a cow were to eat a hamburger
would it then be a cannibal?
(Contributed by
Jean Young)
Is it progress if a cannibal
uses a knife and fork?
(Contributed by
Don F.)
If a cannibal ate a Chinese
guy would he be hungry again
in an hour? (Contributed
by Don F.)
Is it true that cannibals don't
eat clowns because they
taste funny? (Contributed
by Don F.)
Would a self-eating cannibal
ever be able to finish his
meal? (Contributed
by Don F.)
What does a cannibal do when
he gets fed up with people?
(Contributed by Jim Adams)
If people who shun meat are
vegetarians are cannibals
then considered
to be humanitarians? (Contributed by
Jim Moore Jr.)
Is putting mulch around a tree
considered cannibalism?
(Contributed by
Don F.)
Do cannibals get engaged to
be marinated? (Contributed
by Penfold)
Is it true that cannibals have
baked beings for lunch?
(Contributed by
Paul P.)
Do you think that cannibalism
should be grounds for
leaniancy in murder
trials? (Contributed by John F.)
You know how hunters are able
to kill animals for food?
Well, if a cannibal
kills a person to eat them, aren't
THEY killing for
food as well? (Contributed by Justin)
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Subj: Cannibals
Capture French,English,And New Yorker (S189, DU)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 09/13/2000
A Frenchman, an Englishman and
a New Yorker were captured
by cannibals. The chief
comes to them and says, "The bad
news is that now we've caught
you and we're going to use
your skins to build a canoe.
The good news is that you can
choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword."
The chief gives him a sword.
The Frenchman says, "Vive la
France!" and runs himself
through.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me please."
The chief gives him a pistol.
The Englishman points it at his
head and says, "God save
the queen!" and shoots himself.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork."
The chief is puzzled, but he
shrugs and gives him a fork.
The New Yorker takes the fork
and starts jabbing himself
all over. The chief asks,
"My God, what are you doing?"
And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your damn canoe!"
\\\//
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Subj: Missionary
Teaches Chief English (S183, S516c)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #20 on 98-01-21
and
From: auntiegah on 12/6/2006
A missionary who had spent years
showing a tribe of
natives how to farm and build
things to be self-
sufficient gets word that he
is to return home. He
thinks that the one thing he
never did was to teach
these natives how to speak English,
so he takes the
chief and starts walking in
the forest.
He points to a tree and tells the chief, "this is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "tree."
The missionary is pleased with
the response. They walk
a little farther and the padre
points to a rock and says,
"this is a rock."
At which the chief looks and grunts, "rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic
about the results
when he hears a rustling in
the bushes. As he peaks over
the top he sees a couple in
the midst of heavy romantic
activity. The padre is
really flustered and quickly
responds, "riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple
briefly, pulls out his blow
gun and kills them.
The padre goes ballistic and
yells at the chief that he
has spent years teaching the
tribe how to be civilized
and kind to each other,
so... how could he kill these
people.
The chief replied, "my bike."
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Subj: Foreskin
(S184, DU)
There was this tribe in the outback
and all the boys had
to undergo the a ritual to become
young men. As part of
this ritual all the boys had
to be circumcised. Once they
were finally circumcised an
Elder said to the young men,
"You cannot throw your foreskins
away. You must find a
use for them. It is our
custom."
So all the young men carried
gathered their foreskins
together and went off into to
the bush to decide what.
They decided to make a present
for the Elder. An hour
later they came to the elder
to show them what they had
made.
"What is this?," questioned the Elder.
"It is a wallet made out of our
foreskins," replied one
young man.
"This is not very impressive",
the Elder said looking
disappointed.
"Give it a rub and it will turn into a suitcase."
\\\//
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Subj: Picture
And The Tooth Brush (S49, S516c)
An interesting little anecdote
I once heard which is
supposed to be true. A
couple were vacationing in
Jamaica for a week, but half
way through they found
that their room had been broken
into. Nothing had
been stolen, however upon getting
back home and
receiving their developed photos,
there were a couple
of pictures of the perpetrators
from the break-in,
their tour guide shoving their
toothbrushes up his
asses.
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Subj: Minister
Tries To Convert The Tribe (S186)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/31/97
Catholic minister went into deepest
Africa in an attempt to
work with and convert the tribe
to the Catholic religion.
He wasn't able to speak the
language very well, so he hired
a member of the tribe to help
translate what he wanted to
say to the tribe. He asked for
and received permission from
the Chief of the tribe, to speak
to the whole tribal popul-
ation at once. He got
up on a very large boulder that over-
looked the central area of the
tribal village. As he spoke,
his translator was by his side
on the boulder, and he trans-
lated all that the minister
was saying.
"If you let me- I will show you
how to dig in the ground and
get good water to drink and
cook with". "Hoon-gow-wa!" was
the large response from the
tribespeople. "I can show you
how you can capture animals
without leaving your village".
"Hoon-gow-wa" shouted all the
tribe!! (By this time-the
minister was very happy with
his effort) "And if you will
let me- I will show you a way
to make peace with the other
tribes that are trying to take
your land and your women".
"HOON-GOW-WA" was the enormous
response, that was so loud,
that it scared away the wild
birds in the nearby trees! This
was the end of his talk and
he was invited to a large feast
and much dancing. The
minister was well received by the
tribe-indeed!
Later that afternoon, the translator
came up to the minister
and said "The Chief of our people
said that you have given
him much joy. As a sign
of his appreciation, he would like
to take you on a tour of animals
and tribal land". Well,
the Minister was absolutely
delighted at the acceptance that
he had been shown! He
Thanked the Chief and told him that
he felt honored by the Chief's
offer. So the Chief, Minister,
translator, and four warriors
went walking through the small
kingdom. As the Chief
gave the minister the guided tour, the
translator explained the different
places that the Chief was
showing the minister. He was
shown a large sparkling stream-
that was their water source.
They they all walked up a steep
knoll that overlooked a large
area that was bountiful in deer
and elk- that was the meat supply.
Then after another hour
of walking, the party came on
a very large lush green pasture
that looked to have about a
100 cows (to the best guess of
the Minister), the Chief said
something to the translator and
pointed, and the Minister asked
"What did he say?"
"My Chief tells you to watch
your step on this path, and to be
careful not to step in the Hoon-Gow-Wa".
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Subj: The
Missionary And A White Baby (S20)
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
(Also see The Missionary And A White Baby
II below)
A missionary gets sent into deepest
darkest Africa and goes
to live with a tribe therein.
He spends years with the
people, teaching them to read,
write and the good Christian
ways. One thing he particularly
stresses is the evils of
sexual sin. Thou must not commit
adultery or fornication!
One day the wife of one of the
Tribe's noblemen gives birth
to a white child. The
village is shocked and the chief is
sent by his people to talk with
the missionary. "You have
taught us of the evils of sexual
sin, yet here a black woman
gives birth to a white child.
You are the only white man
that has ever set foot in our
village. It doesn't take a
genius to work out what has
been going on!"
The missionary replies: "No,
no, my good man. You are
mistaken. What you have
here is a natural occurrence - what
is called an albino. Look
to thy yonder field. See a field
of white sheep, and yet amongst
them is one black one.
Nature does this on occasion."
The chief pauses for a moment
then says "Tell you what, you
don't say anything about the
sheep, I won't say anything
about the white child"
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| Subj:
The Missionary And A White Baby II (S416b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/19/2005 Source: http://www.ezines4all.com/at200411/027.htm |
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To view this comic strip, click 'HERE'.
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Subj: The
Golden Throne (S185, S574)
From: Vegas Jokes Archive on 06/26/97
This missionary got sent to evangelize
among the Fuzzie
Wuzzies on Bongo Bongo but was
having little success. He
approached the King of the Fuzzie
Wuzzies to see what
would be necessary to engender
his cooperation. The King
had seen pictures of European
kings and queens sitting on
thrones, and he told the missionary
that he would have the
entire tribe convert if only
he could have a golden throne.
The missionary wrote home to
the Home Mission Board to tell
them of this marvelous opportunity;
could they please send
him a golden throne? So
they sent him one (okay, it wasn't
solid gold, but the King liked
it a lot), and the whole
tribe converted and the missionary
was a big success.
In his later years, however,
the King of the Fuzzie Wuzzies
got kind of arthritic and decided
that sitting on his hard
old golden throne was exacerbating
his aches and pains, so
he stashed the throne up in
the attic of his little grass
shack. Sure enough, one
day the throne came crashing
through the ceiling and squashed
the old King of the Fuzzie
Wuzzies.
Which only goes to show that
people who live in grass
houses shouldn't stow thrones.
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Subj: Picking
Fruit (S187)
From: ipkis on 97-07-11
There were three men who were
lost in the forest. They
were then captured by cannibals.
The cannibal king then
told the prisoners that they
could live if they pass the
trial. First step of the
trial is to go to the forest
with the cannibals and get ten
pieces of the same kind of
fruit. So all three men
went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said
to the king, "I brought
ten apples." The king
then explains the trial to him. You
have to shove the fruits up
your ass without any expression
on your face or you'll be eaten.
The first apple went in...
but on the second one he winced
out in pain, so he was
killed and went to heaven.
The second one arrives and shows
the king his ten fruits
were berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he
thought to himself that this
should be easy.
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...
7... 8... on the ninth berry
he burst out in laughter, therefore
also was killed.
The first guy and the second
guy met in heaven. The first
one asked, "Why did you laugh,
you almost got away with
it?" The second one replied,
"I couldn't help it, I saw
the third guy coming with watermelons."
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Subj: Short
Native Jokes (DU)
| Subj:
The Magical Elevator (S477c)
From: gattica30 on 3/7/2006 |
 |
Top
Subj: Cannibals
Drink Victim's Blood (S195)
From: bennoro on 10/8/00
A victim of a shipwreck was
washed ashore on a remote
Pacific Island and was immediately
captured by a band
of cannibals. After being
tied to a stake, the haples
captive was slashed in the arms
and forced to watch as
the savages drank his blood
After several days of this, the
poor fellow called called
for the cannibal king.'you can
kill me if you want to, but
this torture has got to stop,'he
protested.'I'm tired of
being stuck for the drinks!'
Top
Subj: African
Marriage (S189)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 09/15/2000
The son came home from school
and asked his father, "Today
I learned that in some parts
of Africa, a man doesn't know
his wife until he marries her.
Dad replied, "That happens in
most countries, son."
How do you describe the average
cannibal?
A guy with a wife
and ate children. -- Corey Jones
What's the biggest advanage of
being a cannibal abortionst?
You do not have
to go out for lunch. -- Eric ? gang
Did you hear about the cannibal
who passed his brother
in the woods one
day? -- Neil Heiman
Did you hear about the cannibal
who was expelled
from school for
buttering up his teacher?
Cannibal: One who loves his fellow man with gravy.
Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man.
One cannibal to another: I never met a man I didn't like.
Two cannibals were sitting by
a fire. The first says,
"Gee, I hate my mother-in-law."
The 2nd replies, "So, try the
potatoes.
The first cannibal asked the
2nd cannibal, "Aren't you
done eating yet?"
The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm
on my last leg now."
One day a cannibal visited the
neighboring island of
cannibals.
There, people cost $2 but politicians cost
$25. The
visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians
cost so much?"
The chief answered, "Do you know how hard
it is to clean
one of those?"
A man gets captured by cannibals
and every day they poke him
with spears and
use his blood to wash down their food.
Finally the guy
calls the chief over and says, "You can
kill me or you
can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck
for drinks."
From: Anaise on 98-05-24
Two ferocious cannibal chiefs
sat licking their fingers after
a large meal.
"Your wife makes a delicious roast," one chief said.
"Thanks," his friend replied, "I'm gonna miss her"
From: drgolfmd on 9/22/2004 (S402b)
Jeffrey Dahmer invites his mother
over for dinner one night.
In the middle of dinner, his
mom says, "Jeffrey, I just
don't like your friends."
"Ma," Jeffrey says, "try the
vegetables."
Q: What is the ultimate in courage?
A: Two cannibals having oral
sex.
Q: What's the difference between
a tribe of pygmies
and a ladies track
team?
A: A tribe of pygmies is a cunning
bunch of runts.
Q: "Should I boil the new missionary?"
asked the cannibal?
A: "No" replied the chief, "He's
a friar."
Q: Did you hear about the cannibal
who came home late for dinner?
A: His wife gave him the cold
shoulder.
Q: What did the cannibal do after
dumping his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his butt.
Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: They taste funny.
From: ipkis on 97-12-03
Q: When do cannibals leave the
table?
A: When everyone's eaten.
Q: What is a cannibal's favorite
type of TV show?
A: A celebrity roast.
Q: Where do cannibals shop for
fine furniture?
A: Eatin' Allen's.
Q: What did the cannibal give
his wife for Valentine's Day?
A: A box of farmer's fannies.
Q: What do cannibals eat for
dessert?
A: Chocolate covered aunts.
Q: What do cannibals make out
of politicians?
A: Bologna sandwiches.
Q: What is a cannibal's favorite
game?
A: Swallow the leader.
Q: Have you heard about the cannibal
restaurant?
A: Dinner costs an arm and a
leg.
Q: Did you hear about the cannibal
who loved fast food?
A: He ordered a pizza with everybody
on it.
From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
Q: WHY DON'T PYGMIES WEAR TAMPONS?
A: They keep stepping on the
strings.
\\\//
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Two Smiley natives from
Smiley_Central |