Subj: Native Jokes
(Includes 62 jokes and articles, 14 1050,8,cif,wXT4a5a,5)
Natives Cookin from
Also see ARAB file
- 'Two English At
A Native Restraunt'
DOCTOR3 file - 'Doctor Gives Sex Talk To Naive Groom'
ENGINEERS2 - 'Five Cannibals Become Engineers'
FART file - 'Three Eskimos Brag'
GAMES file - 'BJ roulette'
......................- 'African Roulette'
MATH2 file - 'Pregnant Indian Math'
......................- 'Pythagorean's Theorem'
PENIS2 file - 'Husband Visits Witch Doctor For Impotency'
RABBI file - 'Priest, Rabbi, Witchdoctor and A Fly'
STRANDED file- 'Stranded On Island With Natives'
WEDDING file - 'The Wedding Night And Teeth'
Subj: Strange Brew (S640b)
by John Deering on 4/12/2009
Subj: Picture And The Tooth Brush (S49, S516c)
An interesting little anecdote
I once heard which is
supposed to be true. A couple were vacationing in
Jamaica for a week, but half way through they found
that their room had been broken into. Nothing had
been stolen, however upon getting back home and
receiving their developed photos, there were a couple
of pictures of the perpetrators from the break-in,
their tour guide shoving their toothbrushes up his
39 Cents - Saturday Night Live (S926d)
Published by: Saturday Night Live
This Saturday Night Live sketch
features guest host Bill
Hader as Charles Daniels, the philanthropy fund spokesperson.
The clip opens with shots of an unnamed African village,
where residents pass the time by gazing longingly into the
camera and dolefully stirring pots of stew.
"For only 39 cents a day," Daniels
says to his viewers,
"you can provide water, food and medicine for these people...
That's less than a small cup of coffee."
"Ask for more," whispers a villager
played by Jay Pharoah.
"Why you starting so low?"
to see this very funny, and very true skit.
Subj: Missionary Teaches Chief English (S183, S897)
From: auntiegah on 12/6/2006
and From: tom on 3/25/2014
A missionary who had spent years
showing a tribe of
natives how to farm and build things to be self-
sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He
thinks that the one thing he never did was to teach
these natives how to speak English, so he takes the
chief and starts walking in the forest.
He points to a tree and tells the chief, "this is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "tree."
The missionary is pleased with
the response. They walk
a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says,
"this is a rock."
At which the chief looks and grunts, "rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic
about the results
when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peaks over
the top he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic
activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly
responds, "riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple
briefly, pulls out his blow
gun and kills them.
The padre goes ballistic and
yells at the chief that he
has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized
and kind to each other, so... how could he kill these
The chief replied, "my bike."
Subj: The Golden Throne (S185, S574)
From: Vegas Jokes Archive on 06/26/97
This missionary got sent to evangelize
among the Fuzzie
Wuzzies on Bongo Bongo but was having little success. He
approached the King of the Fuzzie Wuzzies to see what
would be necessary to engender his cooperation. The King
had seen pictures of European kings and queens sitting on
thrones, and he told the missionary that he would have the
entire tribe convert if only he could have a golden throne.
The missionary wrote home to the Home Mission Board to tell
them of this marvelous opportunity; could they please send
him a golden throne? So they sent him one (okay, it wasn't
solid gold, but the King liked it a lot), and the whole
tribe converted and the missionary was a big success.
In his later years, however,
the King of the Fuzzie Wuzzies
got kind of arthritic and decided that sitting on his hard
old golden throne was exacerbating his aches and pains, so
he stashed the throne up in the attic of his little grass
shack. Sure enough, one day the throne came crashing
through the ceiling and squashed the old King of the Fuzzie
Which only goes to show that
people who live in grass
houses shouldn't stow thrones.
The Missionary And A White Baby II (S416b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/19/2005
Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
(Also see text version below)
To view this Sunday comic strip, click 'HERE'.
Subj: The Missionary And A White Baby (S20)
From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97
(Also see The Missionary And A White Baby II above)
A missionary gets sent into deepest
darkest Africa and goes
to live with a tribe therein. He spends years with the
people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian
ways. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of
sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!
One day the wife of one of the
Tribe's noblemen gives birth
to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is
sent by his people to talk with the missionary. "You have
taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman
gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man
that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a
genius to work out what has been going on!"
The missionary replies: "No,
no, my good man. You are
mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - what
is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field
of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one.
Nature does this on occasion."
The chief pauses for a moment
then says "Tell you what, you
don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say anything
about the white child"
Subj: African King Proposes Marriage (S448b)
From: philsam on 8/15/2005
The beautiful secretary of the
president of a bank goes on
a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a
very important client. The client out of the blue asks her
to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback.
However, she remembers what her boss told her ...don't reject
the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade
the businessman from wanting to marry her.
So, after a few minutes, the
woman says to the man, "I will
only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my
engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching
200-carat diamond tiara."
The African king pauses for awhile.
Then, he nods his head and
says, "No problem! I have. I have."
Realizing her first condition
was too easy the woman says to
the man, "I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York.
As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the
best wine country in France."
The African king pauses for awhile.
He whips out his cellular
phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He
looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build.
Realizing that she only has one
last condition, the secretary
knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her
time to think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work
condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says,
rather coldly, "Since I truly enjoy sex, I want the man I marry
to be endowed with a 14 inches of manhood."
The king seems a bit disturbed.
He cups his face with his hands
and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in
Finally, after what seemed like
forever, the king shakes his
head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay.
I cut. I cut..."
Subj: 60 Most Powerful Photos (S900d)
From: AFine963 on 4/15/2014
Source: (Removed from news.distractify.com)
The 60 Most Powerful Photos Ever Taken That Perfectly Capture The Human Experience
This incredible collection of
moments represents the joy,
innocence, despair, curiosity, and undying perseverance
within all of us. No matter where we're from, these are
the emotions that unite us - it's what makes us human.
We set out to capture this spirit in 60 incredible
photographs, and I truly hope you enjoy.
A Mursi tribe woman discovers Vogue magazine
What you call the cannibal who eats his mother's sister?
Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes
Subj: Cannibal Riddle II (S404b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 02-16-2004
One evening, the Chompem Cannibals
of Drybone Island threw
a dinner party, one of those bring-a-friend get-togethers.
Six cannibals turned up and they decided to eat each other
in turn. So someone was selected for everyone to eat
(except the victim!), and when he had been eaten, someone
else was selected, and so on. If it took one cannibal two
hours on his own to devour one person, how long was it
before just one consumer remained?
Scroll down for the answer
Here it comes
It took 4 hours 34 minutes for
one cannibal to remain. It
took 5 cannibals, 2/5 hours to eat the first victim, four
cannibals 2/4 hours to devour the second, three cannibals
2/3 hours for the third, two cannibals 2/2 hours for the
fourth and one cannibal 2/1 hours for the fifth. One could
argue that stomach contents increase a cannibal's edible
volume when he is the victim. However, if the further
interpretation is granted that these contents also turn a
cannibal as consumer into more than one cannibal, the
original solution is restored!
The Magical Elevator (S477c)
From: gattica30 on 3/7/2006
You can view this eleven-panel cartoon strip by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Some Thoughts On Cannibals (S287b, DU)
From: pns on 7/29/2002
The Pillsbury dough boy turns
30 this year. Do we give him
a cake for his birthday? Isn't that cannibalism?
(Contributed by Juneisy)
If a cow were to eat a hamburger would it then be a cannibal?
(Contributed by Jean Young)
Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork?
(Contributed by Don F.)
If a cannibal ate a Chinese guy would he be hungry again
in an hour? (Contributed by Don F.)
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they
taste funny? (Contributed by Don F.)
Would a self-eating cannibal ever be able to finish his
meal? (Contributed by Don F.)
What does a cannibal do when he gets fed up with people?
(Contributed by Jim Adams)
If people who shun meat are vegetarians are cannibals
then considered to be humanitarians? (Contributed by
Jim Moore Jr.)
Is putting mulch around a tree considered cannibalism?
(Contributed by Don F.)
Do cannibals get engaged to be marinated? (Contributed
Is it true that cannibals have baked beings for lunch?
(Contributed by Paul P.)
Do you think that cannibalism should be grounds for
leaniancy in murder trials? (Contributed by John F.)
You know how hunters are able to kill animals for food?
Well, if a cannibal kills a person to eat them, aren't
THEY killing for food as well? (Contributed by Justin)
Subj: Cannibals Capture French,English,And New Yorker (S189, DU)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 09/13/2000
A Frenchman, an Englishman and
a New Yorker were captured
by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad
news is that now we've caught you and we're going to use
your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can
choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword."
The chief gives him a sword.
The Frenchman says, "Vive la
France!" and runs himself
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me please."
The chief gives him a pistol.
The Englishman points it at his
head and says, "God save
the queen!" and shoots himself.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork."
The chief is puzzled, but he
shrugs and gives him a fork.
The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself
all over. The chief asks, "My God, what are you doing?"
And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your damn canoe!"
Subj: Foreskin (S184, DU)
There was this tribe in the outback
and all the boys had
to undergo the a ritual to become young men. As part of
this ritual all the boys had to be circumcised. Once they
were finally circumcised an Elder said to the young men,
"You cannot throw your foreskins away. You must find a
use for them. It is our custom."
So all the young men carried
gathered their foreskins
together and went off into to the bush to decide what.
They decided to make a present for the Elder. An hour
later they came to the elder to show them what they had
"What is this?," questioned the Elder.
"It is a wallet made out of our
foreskins," replied one
"This is not very impressive",
the Elder said looking
"Give it a rub and it will turn into a suitcase."
Girl Who Grew Up in the African Wild (S903d)
From: bill7808 on 4/30/2014
Some of the pics are certainly
staged, but Tippi Degre did
spend her childhood in the wilds of Africa.
A white child, she was born in
Namibia to French wildlife
photographer, Alain Degre, and his wife, Sylvie Robert.
Tippi spent her whole childhood till the age of ten with
wild animals including lion cubs, a mongoose, a snake, a
cheetah, baby zebra, giraffes and crocodiles. The little
girl saw nothing unusual about her company. "I don't have
friends here. Because I never see children. So the animals
are my friends, she once said."
At the age of ten Tippi moving
to Paris, France, with her
parents, and grew up to be a lovely French woman. She
returned to Africa to make six nature documentaries for
the Discovery Channel. These pictures of her childhood
are just gorgeous. Click 'HERE' to see these photos.
Subj: Minister Tries To Convert The Tribe (S186)
From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/31/97
Catholic minister went into deepest
Africa in an attempt to
work with and convert the tribe to the Catholic religion.
He wasn't able to speak the language very well, so he hired
a member of the tribe to help translate what he wanted to
say to the tribe. He asked for and received permission from
the Chief of the tribe, to speak to the whole tribal popul-
ation at once. He got up on a very large boulder that over-
looked the central area of the tribal village. As he spoke,
his translator was by his side on the boulder, and he trans-
lated all that the minister was saying.
"If you let me- I will show you
how to dig in the ground and
get good water to drink and cook with". "Hoon-gow-wa!" was
the large response from the tribespeople. "I can show you
how you can capture animals without leaving your village".
"Hoon-gow-wa" shouted all the tribe!! (By this time-the
minister was very happy with his effort) "And if you will
let me- I will show you a way to make peace with the other
tribes that are trying to take your land and your women".
"HOON-GOW-WA" was the enormous response, that was so loud,
that it scared away the wild birds in the nearby trees! This
was the end of his talk and he was invited to a large feast
and much dancing. The minister was well received by the
Later that afternoon, the translator
came up to the minister
and said "The Chief of our people said that you have given
him much joy. As a sign of his appreciation, he would like
to take you on a tour of animals and tribal land". Well,
the Minister was absolutely delighted at the acceptance that
he had been shown! He Thanked the Chief and told him that
he felt honored by the Chief's offer. So the Chief, Minister,
translator, and four warriors went walking through the small
kingdom. As the Chief gave the minister the guided tour, the
translator explained the different places that the Chief was
showing the minister. He was shown a large sparkling stream-
that was their water source. They they all walked up a steep
knoll that overlooked a large area that was bountiful in deer
and elk- that was the meat supply. Then after another hour
of walking, the party came on a very large lush green pasture
that looked to have about a 100 cows (to the best guess of
the Minister), the Chief said something to the translator and
pointed, and the Minister asked "What did he say?"
"My Chief tells you to watch
your step on this path, and to be
careful not to step in the Hoon-Gow-Wa".
Subj: Picking Fruit (S187)
From: ipkis on 97-07-11
There were three men who were
lost in the forest. They
were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then
told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the
trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest
with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of
fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said
to the king, "I brought
ten apples." The king then explains the trial to him. You
have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression
on your face or you'll be eaten. The first apple went in...
but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was
killed and went to heaven.
The second one arrives and shows
the king his ten fruits
were berries. When the king explained the trial to him he
thought to himself that this should be easy.
1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...
7... 8... on the ninth berry
he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.
The first guy and the second
guy met in heaven. The first
one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with
it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw
the third guy coming with watermelons."
Subj: Bizarro Cartoon (S1050)
By Dan Piraro on 2/13/2017
Subj: Short Native Jokes (DU)
Subj: Cannibals Drink Victim's Blood (S195)
From: bennoro on 10/8/00
A victim of a shipwreck was washed ashore on a remote
Pacific Island and was immediately captured by a band
of cannibals. After being tied to a stake, the haples
captive was slashed in the arms and forced to watch as
the savages drank his blood
After several days of this, the
poor fellow called called
for the cannibal king.'you can kill me if you want to, but
this torture has got to stop,'he protested.'I'm tired of
being stuck for the drinks!'
Subj: Pearls Before Swine (S1022)
By Stephan Pastis on 8/9/2016
Subj: African Marriage (S189)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 09/15/2000
The son came home from school and asked his father, "Today
I learned that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know
his wife until he marries her.
Dad replied, "That happens in
most countries, son."
How do you describe the average
A guy with a wife and ate children. -- Corey Jones
What's the biggest advanage of
being a cannibal abortionst?
You do not have to go out for lunch. -- Eric ? gang
Did you hear about the cannibal
who passed his brother
in the woods one day? -- Neil Heiman
Did you hear about the cannibal
who was expelled
from school for buttering up his teacher?
Cannibal: One who loves his fellow man with gravy.
Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man.
One cannibal to another: I never met a man I didn't like.
Two cannibals were sitting by
a fire. The first says,
"Gee, I hate my mother-in-law."
The 2nd replies, "So, try the potatoes.
The first cannibal asked the
2nd cannibal, "Aren't you
done eating yet?"
The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm on my last leg now."
One day a cannibal visited the
neighboring island of
cannibals. There, people cost $2 but politicians cost
$25. The visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians
cost so much?" The chief answered, "Do you know how hard
it is to clean one of those?"
A man gets captured by cannibals
and every day they poke him
with spears and use his blood to wash down their food.
Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can
kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck
From: Anaise on 98-05-24
Two ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers after
a large meal.
"Your wife makes a delicious roast," one chief said.
"Thanks," his friend replied, "I'm gonna miss her"
From: drgolfmd on 9/22/2004 (S402b)
Jeffrey Dahmer invites his mother over for dinner one night.
In the middle of dinner, his mom says, "Jeffrey, I just
don't like your friends."
"Ma," Jeffrey says, "try the
Q: What is the ultimate in courage?
A: Two cannibals having oral sex.
Q: What's the difference between
a tribe of pygmies
and a ladies track team?
A: A tribe of pygmies is a cunning bunch of runts.
Q: "Should I boil the new missionary?"
asked the cannibal?
A: "No" replied the chief, "He's a friar."
Q: Did you hear about the cannibal
who came home late for dinner?
A: His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
Q: What did the cannibal do after
dumping his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his butt.
Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: They taste funny.
From: ipkis on 97-12-03
Q: When do cannibals leave the table?
A: When everyone's eaten.
Q: What is a cannibal's favorite
type of TV show?
A: A celebrity roast.
Q: Where do cannibals shop for
A: Eatin' Allen's.
Q: What did the cannibal give
his wife for Valentine's Day?
A: A box of farmer's fannies.
Q: What do cannibals eat for
A: Chocolate covered aunts.
Q: What do cannibals make out
A: Bologna sandwiches.
Q: What is a cannibal's favorite
A: Swallow the leader.
Q: Have you heard about the cannibal
A: Dinner costs an arm and a leg.
Q: Did you hear about the cannibal
who loved fast food?
A: He ordered a pizza with everybody on it.
From: RFSlick on 98-08-13
Q: WHY DON'T PYGMIES WEAR TAMPONS?
A: They keep stepping on the strings.
From: kgilmour2000 on 3/13/2012 (S792)
Q: Why don't cannibals eat Pentecostals?
A: They keep throwing up their hands.