Subj:   Swedish-Northern European Jokes (Gz)               (Includes 5 jokes and articles)

Sweeden flag from Animation Factory

Also see CLOTHING file- 'Two Cajuns Buy Cloths In Texas'
         FACTS3 file  - 'Creative Trash Cans'
         Ig Nobel file- 'Public Health Prize'
         JEWISH2 file - 'Israeli Stud And The Blonde'
         MARRIAGE5    - 'Sex Free Marriage'
         OTHER-NATNLTS- 'How Yodeling Was Invented'
         PENIS2 file  - 'Scandinavian Ketchup Technique'
         WAITER-Waitrs- 'Stockholm Restraunt's Toilet Seats'
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Subj:     Swiss Seeks Directions (S216, S584)
          From: flovilla on 3/23/2001

 A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop
 where two Americans are waiting.  "Entschuldigung, koennen
 Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.  The two Americans just stare
 at him.

 "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two
 continue to stare.

 "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
 Still nothing.  The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

 The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know,
 maybe we should learn a foreign language."

 "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it
 didn't do him any good."

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Subj:     Sven & Ole Apply For Unemployment (S190, DU)
          From: RFSlick on 9/23/00

 Sven and Ole worked together were both laid off, so off they
 went to the unemployment office.  When asked his occupation,
 Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher.  I
 sew the elastic onto cotton panties."

 The clerk looked up panty stitcher.  Finding it classed as
 unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

 Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady. She asked Ole
 his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied.

 Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the
 Ole $600 a week.

 When Sven found out he was furious.  He stormed back in to
 find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting
 double his unemployment pay.  The clerk explained: "When I
 looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and
 diesel fitters were skilled laborers."

 Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven. "I sew the elastic on.
 He pulls on it and says,....."Yep, diesel fitter".

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Subj:     Olaf Dies In A Fire (DU)
          From: The Bartenders Joke on 10/30/97

 Olaf died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that
 the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body.  So they
 called up his two friends, Swen and Lars, to come and try
 to I.D. the body.

 Swen went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet, and
 Swen said "Yaa, he's burnt pretty bad.  Roll him over."
 So the mortician rolled him over, and Swen looked at his
 ass and said  "No, dat ain't Olaf."

 The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was
 kind of strange.  Then he brought in Lars to I.D. the
 body, and Lars looked at him and said "Yaa, he's burnt
 real bad; roll him over."

 The mortician rolled him over, and Lars looked down at
 his ass and said "No, dat ain't Olaf."

 The mortician said "How can you tell?"  Lars said, "Well,
 Olaf had two assholes."

 "What?  He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.

 "Yaa, everyone in town knew he had two assholes.  Every
 time the three of us went to town, everyone would say
 "Here comes Olaf with them two assholes!"

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Subj:     Short Sweedish Jokes

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Subj:     The Difference Between A Norwegian And A Canoe (S573)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/7/2008
 Lars, the bartender, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference
 between a Norwegian and a canoe?" "No, I don't," answered
 Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars.
 

 Until 1965, driving was done on the left-hand side on roads
 in Sweden.  The conversion to right-hand was done on a week-
 day at 5pm.  All traffic stopped as people switched sides.
 This time and day were chosen to prevent accidents where
 drivers would have gotten up in the morning and been too
 sleepy to realize *this* was the day of the changeover.
 

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 7/12/2005 (S442b - political2)
 Happiness is a Swedish sunset; it is there for all, but
 most of us look the other way and lose it.  -- Mark Twain
 

From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 10/22/2005 (S457b - slogans)
 "Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow".
    -- Swedish Proverb

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Smiley the Viking from Smiliemania.da

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