(Includes 43 jokes and articles)
Indian flag from
Animation Factory
| Subj:
Asian Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 43 jokes and articles) |
|
Indian flag from Animation Factory |
Also see ACCIDENTS1 - 'Falling
Cow'
ARAB file - (see whole file)
BANKING-SUPP - 'Currency
Exchange At Bank'
BREAST file - 'Curing
Infertility In India'
CAMEL file - 'Sex
Like A Camel'
COLLEGE2 file- 'Computer
Science Majors In College'
COMPUTERS4 - 'If
Error Messages Were In Haiku'
DARWIN AWRDS2- 'Pumping
In Thailand'
DENTIST file - 'Buddist
Has Root Canal'
DOCTOR3 file - 'Heart
Attacks'
ELDERLY2 file- 'Old
Man And Punk Rocker On A Bus'
ENGINEER3 - 'Ten
Japanese Bridges'
HOSPITAL2 - '18
Year Old India Girl Has Pain'
JEWISH1 file - 'A
Rabbi And A Korean On A Plane'
JEWISH2 file - 'Samurai Contest'
LAWYER2 file - 'Exporting
Lawyers To Japan'
MIDDLE EAST - (see whole file)
NUDIST file - 'India
Women Plough Fields In Nude'
OTHER_SPORTS - 'Burning
Soccer Fan'
PILOT file - 'The
Greatest Pilot in WWII'
PREGNANT file- 'Granddaughter
Born In Japan'
REDNECK-SUPP - 'Three
Nationalities In A Sauna'
SCHOOL3 file - 'Japanese
Student's First Day'
SHIPS file - 'Japanese
American Boat Race'
SOLDIER1 file- 'Large
Pakastani Unit Meets Indian Soldier'
SOLDIER-SUPP - 'Busy
Radio Operator In Korea'
STARTREK_SPC2- 'Invisibility
Cloak'
THOUGHTS LRN2- 'The
Dalai Lama Says'
===========================================================Top
| Subj:
Asian Paper-Scissors-Rock (S540c)
From: ArcadeNerds.com on 5/18/2007 Source: http://www.arcadenerds.com/games/Game-Maniac |
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The intensity of some of the
Asian cultures is amazing.
You will enjoy this short movie
at either the source above,
or on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
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Subj: Indians
Drink “Divine” Sea Water (S501c)
From: Khaleej Times 19-Aug-06
From: jerry on 8/20/2006
News article from a newspaper.
MUMBAI - Thousands of Indians
drank from a murky Arabian
Sea creek after news spread
overnight that its water had
miraculously turned sweet and
could cure illnesses, police
said on Saturday.
About 5,000 people gathered at
the creek in India’s biggest
city of Mumbai overnight, and
many of them were seen
drinking the dirty water with
their palms, they said.
“Sweet seawater, this is a miracle.
This water is divine,”
Sheikh Naseer, a Mumbai resident,
told a local TV news
channel. He was also shown
giving a young boy a bath in
the creek’s murky waters that
receive thousands of tonnes
of sewage and industrial waste
every day.
Some people carried seawater
away in bottles and plastic
bags, saying they were going
to share it with their families.
Children as well as adults bathed
in the murky water in which
garbage and plastic were seen
floating.
Police said the news spread after
some fishermen tasted the
water and found it sweet and
told local residents about it.
“There has been a mad rush to
the creek. There is a dargah
nearby and people felt this
is something divine,” said S.
Kumar, a police officer, referring
to an Islamic mausoleum
in the area.
But police stepped in and stopped
people from going to the
creek on Saturday after authorities
and doctors warned that
the water could be polluted
and drinking it could be dangerous.
Mumbai’s civic officials said
the water could have temporarily
lost its salinity due to several
reasons, including pollution
and inflow of freshwater from
a nearby source.
“We have collected a sample of
the water and sent it for
testing,” a city official said,
adding that the water in the
creek had returned to being
saline.
Last year three people drowned
in the Arabian Sea off Mumbai
after thousands of people made
a dash for a beach where
diamonds were rumoured to be
washing ashore.
Khaleej Times (Dubai) 19-Aug-06
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Subj: Passage
To Adulthood in Thailand (S476)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/20/2006
In Thailand, when a male reaches
the age of 18 they are
invited to participate in a
ceremony of passage to adult-
hood, which is celebrated in
the center of the village,
surrounding the central fire
and attended by the all the
natives in residence, and accompanied
by considerable
consumption of food an drink
amid singing, dancing and
all manner of joyous festivities.
At the appointed time the native
boys that are reaching
maturity are formed into a large
circle around the fire
and stand there motionless and
stark naked facing
inward towards the fire.
Then, accompanied by a haunting
musical rendition of
native music, the most beautiful
girl in the village is
honered to perform a sexy dance,
naked, around the inner
center circle.
Behind each boy is a naked native
girl that he cannot
see.. As soon as all the males
are excited and have
erections, the girls behind
them reach between their
legs, and pull their erect unit
downward and back
through and then on a signal
all release them.
Their units spring back up and
go loudly "WHAP"
against their bellies. This
is considered measurement
of their strength and of youthful
masculinity.
And that's why the capital of
Thailand is called
Bangkok.
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Subj: Pakistani
Arrives In America (S425b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/15/2005
A Pakistani arrives in Houston,
Texas. All excited, he
stops the first person he meets.
"Good day, Mr. American,
thank you to accept me in your
nice country, and..."
The person interrupts and says:
"I am not American, I'm
Chinese "
The Pakistani continues on his
way and meets another
passer-by: "Thank you
Mr. American for to let my family
and me stay here..."
Again, he is interrupted before
finishing his sentence:
"American, no !! Mexican
National. See, still wet....."
The Pakistani continues on his
way and meets another
passer-by: "Mr. American,
me thank you for hospitality
you give..."
"But my friend, don't you see
that I am black? I am African,
not American"
"But", answers the Pakistani
distressed, "where are the
Americans??"
The African looking at his watch
and says: "Oh, they all
work 'til five o'clock
\\\//
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Subj: Assyrian
King Pawns His Jewels (S362b)
From: pns on 1/2/2004
Assyrian wars King Ozymandias
of Assyria was running low on
cash after years of war with
the Hittites. His last great
possession was the Star of the
Euphrates, the most valuable
diamond in the ancient world.
Desperate, he went to Crosus,
the pawn-broker, to ask for
a loan.
"I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it," says Crosus.
"But I paid a million dinars
for it!" the King protests.
"Don't you know who I am?
I am the KING!"
Crosus shrugs his shoulders.
"When you wish to pawn a Star,
makes no difference who you
are."
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Subj:
TV Tetris In Japan (S546)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/25/2007 |
The Japanese are so weird, and
yet, so awesome. This
25,000 KB movie is big, but
too good to not put on my
site. You can view it
at the source above, or on my
site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
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Subj: Three
Bodies At Japanese Morgue (S207)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 1/15/2001
Three dead bodies turn up at
the mortuary, all with very big
smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to show
them what has happened.
A Detective Inspector is sent
and is taken straight to the
first body. "A Sato, 60, died
of heart failure whilst making
love to his mistress.
Hence the enormous smile Inspector",
says the Coroner.
The Detective is taken to the second dead man.
"A Tamura, 25, won the lottery,
spent it all on Brandy.
Died of alcohol poisoning, hence
the smile."
"Nothing unusual here", thinks
the Detective, and asks to
be shown the last body.
"Ah," says the coroner, "this
is the most unusual one. A
Soho, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Detective.
To which the coroner replies:
"Thought he was having his
picture taken".
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Subj: Asian
Enters Currency Exchange (S270c)
From: pns on 3/11/2002
An Asian man walked into the
currency exchange in New York
City with 2000 yen and walked
out with $72.
The following week, he walked
in with 2000 yen, and was
handed $66. He asked the
teller why he got less money
that week than the previous
week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian man stormed out, but
just before slamming the
door, turned around and shouted,
"Fluc you Amelicans, too!
\\\//
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Subj: Banking
Crisis In Japan (S147, S344b)
From: PGSP4LIFE on 11/24/1999
and
From: LABLaughs.com on 8/20/2003
According to inside contacts,
the Japanese banking crisis
shows no signs of ameliorating.
If anything, it's getting
worse.
Following last week's news that
Origami Bank had folded, we
are hearing that Sumo Bank has
gone belly up and Bonsai Bank
plans to cut back some of its
branches. Karaoke Bank is up
for sale and is (you guessed
it!) going for a song.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze
Bank have nose-dived and 500
back-office staff at Karate
Bank got the chop. Analysts
report that there is something
fishy going on at Sushi Bank
and staff there fear they may
get a raw deal.
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Asian Jokes
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Subj:
Thailand's Most Beautiful Girl (S574c)
From: tom on 1/14/2008 |
| Subj:
Made In Japan (S554)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/27/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Negotiations - Japanese Style (S529)
From: darrell94590 on 3/9/2007 |
Top
Subj: Tongue
Twister (S528)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/6/2007
If a bra is an upper topper
titty flopper stopper, and a
jock strap is a lower decker
pecker checker, and a roll
of toilet tissue is a super
duper doody pooper scooper,
what do you a call a Japanese
drummer boy whose father
nhas diarrhea?
A slap happy Jappy with a crap
happy pappy.
| Subj:
A Single Sheet Of Paper... (S508 in Art)
From: darrell94590 on 10/13/2006 |
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Top
Subj: Buddhist
Monk Buys A Hot-Dog (S500b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com 8/20/2006
"Make me one with everything,"
the Buddhist monk said to the
hot-dog vendor who was hawking
food near the temple.
The vendor made a frank with
mustard, ketchup, relish, and
onions. The monk took it and
handed over a twenty-dollar bill.
The vendor stashed the cash in
his apron and turned his
attention to the next customer.
"But where's my change?" the
monk inquired.
"Change must come from within,
my friend," said the vendor.
 |
Subj:
New Japanese Skirts (S485b)
From: darrell94590 on 5/6/2006 |
| Subj:
Birth Of Japanese Baby (S474b in Pregnant)
From: darrell94590 on 2/14/2006 |
 |
Top
Subj: Japanese
Writing (S432b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/9/2005
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20050116
 |
Top
Subj: Hindu
Women's Red Spot (S338, S543c)
From: Imogenelumen on 7/13/2003
and
From: edapsmas on 6/10/2007
For centuries, Hindu women have
worn a red spot on their
foreheads. We have naively
thought it had something to
do with their religion.
The true story has just been
revealed by the Indian Embassy
in Washington. When one
of these women gets married, on
her wedding night, the husband
scratches off the red spot
to see if he has won a convenience
store, a gas station,
or a motel in Florida.
If not, he must take a job in
India answering telephones giving
technical support.
Top
Subj: Disciplining
Japanese Children (S326b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/11/2003
A frustrated Japanese father vented,
"When I was a
youngster, I was disciplined by being
sent to my room
without supper. But in my son's room,
he has his own color
TV, telephone, computer, and CD player."
"So what do you do?" asked his friend.
"I send him to MY room!" exclaimed
the father.
Top
Subj: Innocent
New Delhi Man Spends 14 Years In Jail (S318b)
From: jerry on 3/2/2003
An innocent New Delhi man spent
14 years in prison, even
after being declared innocent,
because no one, including
his family, bothered to tell
him or jail authorities that
he was free to go.
But the nightmare isn't over.
His family doesn't want him
because they say he'll be a
financial burden. "Had he
completed his education, he
would have got a good job by
now. They spoiled his
life."
The Independent (South Africa)
11-Feb-03
Top
Subj: Japanese
Fashion Craze (S317)
From: jerry on 2/23/2003
The latest Japanese women's
fashion craze is skirts that
appear to be see-through but
really aren't. They are
prints where the outline of
the woman's butt and underwear
are painted onto the fabric.
You can see a picture at http://lerman.biz/pics/Gallery8.html
or on my joke site at or click
'Here'
to view in these files
The Sunday Mail (Australia) 18-Feb-03
Regarding our story of the new
Japanese style of apparently
see-through skirts, it appears
that the newspaper, and there-
fore we as well, were fooled
by a hoax. It looks like I
won't need to make that "important
trip" to Japan after all.
Top
Subj: Extortion
Korean Style (286c)
From: jerry on 7/24/2002
A Korean man sent form letters
to 250 randomly selected
Korean corporate executives
claiming to have evidence of
their adulterous behavior and
threatening to go public
with his evidence unless they
sent him a million won.
Nine executives sent him the
money before his arrest for
extortion.
The executives who paid said
they did so, not because they
were having affairs, but to
prevent bad publicity.
Korean Herald 22-Jul-02
 |
Subj:
Paper Airplanes - Nakamura (S546b in Eng3)
From: Origami-Kids.com on 6/30/2007 |
Top
Subj: Elections
In India (S267b)
From: jerry on 3/3/2002
Voters in India's most populous
state have elected 122
lawmakers who are currently
facing criminal charges such
as rape, murder, kidnapping
and robbery. At least 910
candidates for the 403 seats
in the Uttar Pardesh state
assembly are alleged criminals.
Ananova 26-Feb-02
Top
Subj: Shrimp
For Japanese Water Plant (S254)
From: jerry on 12/11/2001
Yokohoma, Japan city officials
are placing small shrimp
and killfish, which are sensitive
to poison, in tanks at
four water filtration plants
at points before the water
gets distributed.
If the shrimp and killfish are
healthy, their electrical
emissions will be steady, but
if poisoned this will change
and set off an alarm to alert
officials that the water
needs further testing.
Mainichi Shimbun (Japan) 7-Dec-01
Top
Subj: Bin
Laden Look-A-Like (S249b)
From: jerry on 11/7/2001
If it looks like a Laden, walks
like a Laden .
An Indian man who looks like
Osama bin Laden was ordered
out of town because he's been
attracting huge crowds.
Kind of wondering wherever he can move to.
Ananova 6-Nov-01
Top
Subj: Children's
Day
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 2/12/99
In India, 14th November is celebrated
as Children's Day
(It is dedicated in the memory
of the first Prime Minister
who loved children). A
kid was asked "Why 14th November is
celebrated as Children's day
?" He replied with a smirk,
"Because it is 9 months after
Valentine's Day"
| Subj:
Magic Hands (S460b - movies)
From: darrell94590 on 11/18/2005 |
 |
I found a better source and moved
this to
Chinese
Dancers in Asian-Chinese
Top
Subj: Mahatma
Gandhi (S123, S392)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 6/5/99
and
From: joeleon on 8/3/2004
(Also see 'Ghandi Pun'
in WORD_JOKES2)
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know,
walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive
set of callouses on his
feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This
made him what?
A super calloused fragile mystic
hexed by halitosis..
Top
Subj: Mahatma
Ghandi's List Of The Seven Deadly Sins (S512b)
From: edapsmas on 11/7/2006
Wealth without Work
Pleasure without Conscience
Science without Humanity
Knowledge without Character
Politics without Principle
Commerce without Morality
Worship without Sacrifice
Top
Subj: Mahatma
Gandhi Quotations
From: igiggle on 12/31/2003 (S362b)
Be the change that you want
to see in the world.
-- Mahatma Gandhi
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/11/2002 (S271c)
"First they ignore you, then
they laugh at you, then they
fight you, then you win."
-- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
From: LABLaughs.com on 12/4/2002 (S305b)
There are people in the world
so hungry, that God cannot
appear to them except in the
form of bread.
-- Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/13/2003 (S324b)
Freedom is not worth having
if it does not include the
freedom to make mistakes.
-- Mohandas Karamchand
Gandhi (1869 - 1948)
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/15/2003
It is difficult but not impossible
to conduct strictly
honest business. . . . What
is true is that honesty is
incompatible with the amassing
of large fortune.
-- Mohandas Karamchand
Gandhi (1869 - 1948)
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/20/2006 (S495b)
"Prayer is not an old woman's
idle amusement. Properly
understood and applied, it
is the most potent instrument
of action." -- Mahatma
Gandhi
From: LABLaughs.com on 1/29/2007 (S524b)
"Don't let anybody walk through
your mind with dirty feet."
-- Mahatma Gandhi
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/12/2007 (S536b)
It is easy enough to be friendly
to one's friends. But to
befriend the one who regards
himself as your enemy is the
quintessence of true religion.
The other is mere business.
-- Mahatma Gandhi, 1869-1948
The flag of the Philippines is
the only national flag that
is flown differently during
times of peace or war. A
portion of the flag is blue,
while the other is red. The
blue portion is flown on top
in time of peace and the red
portion is flown in war time.
In 1983, a Japanese artist made
a copy of the Mona Lisa
completely
out of toast.
From 'International Sex Laws' in LAWS file.
The penalty for masturbation
in Indonesia is decapitation.
(wonder how they enforce that
one??)
There are men in Guam whose full-time
job is to travel the
countryside and deflower young
virgins, who pay them for
the privilege of having sex
for the first time. Reason:
under Guam law, it is expressly
forbidden for virgins to
marry. (now let's just think
for a minute...is there any
job anywhere else in the world
that even comes close to
this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife
is legally allowed to kill
her adulterous husband, but
may only do so with her bare
hands. (the husband's lover,
on the other hand, may be
killed in any manner desired).
From: humorlist-digest V2 #190 on 98-08-15
BUMPER STICKER
A mouse is an elephant built
by the Japanese.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #285 on 99-02-13
If you take an Oriental person
and spin him around several
times, does he become Disoriented?
From: LABLaughs.com on 2/14/2002 (S263)
Vision without action is a daydream,
Action without vision is a nightmare.
-- Japanese Proverb
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 11/16/2006
(S513b in Slogans)
"If you believe everything you
read, better not read."
-- Japanese Proverb
From: danschu63 on 1/16/2005 (S416b)
The Dali Llama says to the street
hot-dog vendor:
“Make me one with everything”
From: humorlist-digest V2 #113 on 98-05-08
Q: What's a Japanese girl's
favorite holiday?
A: Erection day.
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 |
Asian Smiley from
Smiley_Central |