Subj: Artist Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 52 jokes and articles)
Click "Here" for Artist-Supp
Drawing Hand from
AGAG Animation Gallery
| >>>
Subj: Artist Jokes (Gz) (Includes 52 jokes and articles) Click "Here" for Artist-Supp |
|
Drawing Hand from AGAG Animation Gallery |
Also see ASCII ART 1 - (see
whole file)
ASCII ART 2 - (see whole file)
ASCII ART 3 - (see whole file)
BLACKS2 file - 'Painting
Of Three Nude Black Men'
BUCKLEY file - 'Lord Buckley'
DOG1 file - 'How
To Draw A Dog'
HOW MANY... - 'How
Many Art Students To Change Light Bulb?'
KIDS2 file - 'Class
Draws On Chalkboardn (Little Johnny)'
KIDS4 file - 'Crayon
Color Quiz'
JESUS file - 'Last
Supper In Sand'
JOB-STUFF-SUP- 'Painted Ceiling
In The Smoking Area'
MARRIAGE5 - 'Wife
Has Portrait Painted'
MATH4b-SUPP - 'Artist's
Puzzle'
PSYCHOLOGY - 'Color
Quiz'
THOUGHTS-LND1- 'Daffodils'
TRUCK-BUS - 'Patriotic
Trucker'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Learn How To Draw (S518)
From: auntiegah on 12/12/2006 |
 |
Learn to draw a woman from the
inside out,
a park bench,
a flower growing,
a woman's face,
a tiger in the jungle,
and to draw 9,837 other objects
by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Gogh
family (S443)
From: darrell94590 on 7/14/2005
HERE I GOGH
Van Gogh's Family Tree
His dizzy aunt --------------------------------
Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes --------------------
Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a
convenience store - Stop n Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia
--------------- U Gogh
The cousin from Illinois ----------------------
Chica Gogh
His magician uncle ----------------------------
Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ----------------------------
A mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American
half-brother ---- Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage
coach------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle -------------------------
Cant Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt ---------------------
Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle --------------------------
Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst ----------------------
E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin -----------------------
Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive
thinking ---------- Way-to Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ----------------------
Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco ----------------------
Go Gogh His niece
who travels in a van --------------------------
Winnie Bay Gogh
"And there ya Gogh"!!!!
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| Subj:
42 Jim Warren Paintings (S395)
From: igiggle on 8/18/2004 at http://www.jimwarren.com/new.htm Click on the source above to
view all
|
 |
|
"Dolphin Encounters" |
This painting is titled "Living in a Jim Warren Painting" |
 |
 |
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Subj: British
Art (S265c, DU)
By Dave Barry
From: jerry on 2/25/2002
According to humor columnist,
Dave Barry, "We Americans
tend to assume that the British
are more intelligent than
we are, because they speak with
British accents. That's
why we need to know about the
Turner Prize." The Turner
Prize is an esteemed award giving
in the UK for art
achievement.
Before you go and read Dave Barry's
very funny piece on
the Turner prize (Thanks Autymn
for finding this!) we
have to set the stage by awarding
a "This ain't art,"
bonehead award to the Ikon Gallery
in Birmingham, UK,
which, using public funding,
has paid for an "art exhibit,"
which is nothing more than a
constantly repeating video
tape of ten Cuban men masturbating.
It leaves nothing to
the imagination.
And what says the city's licensing committee?
One member, who says she's calling
in the police, states,
"No one wants to say this kind
of thing is rubbish because
they want to sound arty but
I'm not afraid to say it."
And what says the gallery?
They say it's a serious attempt
to convey the impact that
the sex trade had on the lives
of ordinary people..
Sorry, we lost interest.
The Times (London) 25-Feb-02
http://www.thetimes.co.uk/printFriendly/0,,1-2-218138,00.html
or
http://shorterlink.com/?KVVLTP
Now that you get the idea, you're
ready to read Dave Barry's
funny commentary on the UK's
Turner award:
http://www.freep.com/voices/columnists/nbarry17_20020217.htm
or
http://shorterlink.com/?K9UHUN
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Subj: Painting
The Last Supper (S169, DU)
From: smiles on 4/24/00
The story of the painting, The
Last Supper, is extremely
interesting and instructive.
The two incidents connected
with it afford a most convincing
lesson on the effects of
right thinking or wrong thinking
in the life of a boy or
girl, or of a man or a woman.
The Last Supper was painted by
Leonardo Da Vinci, a noted
Italian artist; and the time
engaged for its completion
was seven years. The figures
representing the twelve
Apostles and Christ himself
were painted from living persons.
The life-model for the painting
of the figure of Jesus was
chosen first.
When it was decided that Da Vinci
would paint this great
picture, hundreds and hundreds
of young men were carefully
viewed in an endeavor to find
a face and personality
exhibiting innocence and beauty,
free from the scars and
signs of dissipation caused
by sin.
Finally, after weeks of laborious
searching, a young man
nineteen years of age was selected
as a model for the
portrayal of Christ. For six
months, Da Vinci worked on
the production of this leading
character of his famous
painting.
During the next six years, Da
Vinci continued his labors
on this sublime work of art.
One by one fitting persons
were chosen to represent each
of the eleven Apostles;
space being left for the painting
of the figure representing
Judas Iscariot as the final
task of this masterpiece. This
was the Apostle, you remember,
who betrayed his Lord for
thirty pieces of silver, worth
in our present day, currency
of $16.96.
For weeks, Da Vinci searched
for a man with a hard callous
face, with a countenance marked
by scars of avarice, deceit,
hypocrisy, and crime; a face
that would delineate a character
who would betray his best friend.
After many discouraging experiences
in searching for the type
of person required to represent
Judas, word came to Da Vinci
that a man whose appearance
fully met his requirements had
been found in a dungeon in Rome,
sentenced to die for a life
of crime and murder.
Da Vinci mad the trip to Rome
at once, and this man was
brought out from his imprisonment
in the dungeon and led out
into the light of the sun.
There Da Vinci saw before him a
dark, swarthy man; his long,
shaggy and unkempt hair sprawled
over his face, which betrayed
a character of viciousness and
complete ruin. At last, the
famous painter had found the
person he wanted to represent
the character of Judas in his
painting.
By special permission from the
king, this prisoner was
carried to Milan where the picture
was being painted; and
for months he sat before Da
Vinci at appointed hours each
day as the gifted artist diligently
continued his task of
transmitting to his painting
this base character in the
picture representing the traitor
and betrayer of our savior.
As he finished his last stroke,
he turned to the guards and
said, "I have finished. You
may take the prisoner away."
As the guards were leading their
prisoner away, he suddenly
broke loose from their control
and rushed up to Da Vinci,
crying as he did so, "O, Da
Vinci, look at me! Do you not
know who I am?"
Da Vinci, with the trained eyes
of a great character
student, carefully scrutinized
the man upon whose face he
had constantly gazed for six
months and replied, "No, I
have never seen you in my life
until you were brought
before me out of the dungeon
in Rome."
Then, lifting his eyes toward
heaven, the prisoner said,
"Oh, God, have I fallen so low?".
Then turning his face
to the painter he cried, "Leonardo
Da Vinci! Look at me
again for I am the same man
you painted just seven years
ago as the figure of Christ."
\\\//
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Subj: Artist's
Paintings Sell (S224, DU)
From: humorlist-digest V3 #8 on 99-01-10
and
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 5/16/2001
An artist asked the gallery owner
if there had been any
interest in his paintings on
display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news,"
the owner replied. "The
good news is that a gentleman
inquired about your work and
wondered if it would appreciate
in value after your death.
When I told him it would, he
bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist
exclaimed. "What's the bad
news?"
"The guy was your doctor."
\\\//
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Subj: Man
And His Son Collected Art (DU)
From: pac_navigator on 98-12-11
Years ago, there was a very wealthy
man who, with his devoted
young son, shared a passion
for art collecting. Together
they traveled around the world,
adding only the finest art
treasures to their collection.
Price-less works by Picasso,
Van Gogh, Monet and many others
adorned the walls of the
family estate.
The widowed elder man looked
on with satisfaction as his only
child became an experienced
art collector. The son's trained
eye and sharp business mind
caused his father to beam with
pride as they dealt with art
collectors around the world. As
winter approached, war engulfed
the nation, and the young man
left to serve his country.
After only a few short weeks,
his father received a telegram.
His beloved son was missing
in action. The art collector
anxiously awaited more news,
fearing he would never see his
son again. Within days,
his fears were confirmed. The young
man had died while rushing a
fellow soldier to a medic.
Distraught and lonely, the old
man faced the upcoming Christmas
holidays with anguish and sadness.
The joy of the season-a
season that he and his son had
so looked forward to-would visit
his house no longer.
On Christmas morning, a knock
on the door awakened the
depressed old man. As
he walked to the door, the masterpieces
of art on the walls only reminded
him that his son was not
coming home. As he opened
the door, he was greeted by a
soldier with a large package
in his hand. He introduced
himself to the man by saying,
"I was a friend of your son.
I was the one he was rescuing
when he died. May I come in
for a few moments? I have
something to show you." As the
two began to talk, the solider
told of how the man's son had
told everyone of his father's
love of fine art. "I'm an
artist," said the soldier, "and
I want to give you this."
As the old man unwrapped the
package, the paper gave way to
reveal a portrait of the man's
son. Though the world would
never consider it the work of
a genius, the painting featured
the young man's face in striking
detail.
Overcome with emotion, the man
thanked the soldier, promising
to hang the picture above the
fireplace. A few hours later,
after the soldier had departed,
the old man set about his
task. True to his word,
the painting went above the fireplace,
pushing aside thousands of dollars
of paintings. The man sat
in his chair and spent Christmas
gazing at the gift he had
been given. During the
days and weeks that followed, the man
realized that even though his
son was no longer with him, the
boy's life would live on because
of those he had touched. He
would soon learn that his son
had rescued dozens of wounded
soldiers before a bullet stilled
his caring heart. As the
stories of his son's gallantry
continued to reach him, fatherly
pride and satisfaction began
to ease the grief. The painting
of his son soon became his most
prized possession, far
eclipsing any interest in the
pieces for which museums around
the world clamored. He told
his neighbors it was the greatest
gift he had ever received.
The following spring, the old
man became ill and passed away.
The art world was in anticipation.
With the collector's
passing, and his only son dead,
those paintings would be sold
at an auction. According
to the will of the old man, all of
the art works would be auctioned
on Christmas day, the day he
had received his greatest gift.
The day soon arrived and art
collectors from around the world
gathered to bid on some of
the world's most spectacular
paintings. Dreams would be
fulfilled this day; greatness
would be achieved as many would
claim "I have the greatest collection."
The auction began with a painting
that was not on any museum's
list. It was the painting
of the man's son. The auctioneer
asked for an opening bid.
The room was silent. "Who will
open the bidding with $100?"
he asked. Minutes passed. No
one spoke. From the back
of the room came, "Who cares about
that painting? It's just
a picture of his son. Let's forget
it and go on to the good stuff."
More voices echoed in
agreement.
"No, we have to sell this one
first," replied the auctioneer.
"Now, who will take the son?"
Finally, a friend of the old
man spoke. "Will you take ten
dollars for the painting? That
is all I have. I knew
the boy, so I'd like to have it." "I
have ten dollars. Will
anyone go higher?" called the auctioneer.
After more silence, the auctioneer
said, "Going once, going
twice. Gone." The gavel
fell. Cheers filled the room and
someone exclaimed, "Now we can
get on with it and we can bid
on these treasures!"
The auctioneer looked at the
audience and announced the auction
was over. Stunned disbelief
quieted the room. Someone spoke
up and asked, "What do you mean
it's over? We didn't come here
for a picture of some old guy's
son. What about all of these
paintings? There are millions
of dollars of art here! I
demand that you explain what's
going on here!."
The auctioneer replied, "It's
very simple. According to the
will of the father, whoever
takes the son...gets it all."
Puts things into perspective,
doesn't it? Just as those art
collectors discovered on that
Christmas day, the message is
still the same - the love of
a Father - a Father whose
greatest joy came from his son
who went away and gave his
life rescuing others.
And because of that Father's love...
whoever takes the Son gets it
all.
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Subj: The
Painters: (S83, DU)
From: RFSlick on 98-08-31
Back in the fifteenth century,
in a tiny village near Nuremberg,
lived a family with eighteen
children. Eighteen! In order
merely to keep food on the table
for this mob, the father and
head of the household, a goldsmith
by profession, worked almost
eighteen hours a day at his
trade and any other paying chore he
could find in the neighborhood.
Despite their seemingly hopeless
condition, two of Albrecht
Durer the Elder's children had
a dream. They both wanted to
pursue their talent for art,
but they knew full well that their
father would never be financially
able to send either of them
to Nuremberg to study at the
Academy.
After many long discussions at
night in their crowded bed, the
two boys finally worked out
a pact. They would toss a coin.
The loser would go down into
the nearby mines and, with his
earnings, support his brother
while he attended the academy.
When that brother who won the
toss completed his studies, in
four years, he would support
the other brother at the academy,
either with sales of his artwork
or, if necessary, also by
laboring in the mines.
They tossed a coin on a Sunday
morning after church. Albrecht
Durer won the toss and went
off to Nuremberg.
Albert went down into the dangerous
mines and, for the next
four years, financed his brother,
whose work at the academy
was almost an immediate sensation.
Albrecht's etchings, his
woodcuts, and his oils were
far better than those of most of
his professors, and by the time
he graduated, he was beginning
to earn considerable fees for
his commissioned works.
When the young artist returned
to his village, the Durer
family held a festive dinner
on their lawn to celebrate
Albrecht's triumphant homecoming.
After a long and memorable
meal, punctuated with
music and laughter, Albrecht rose from
his honored position at the
head of the table. His words
were, "And now, Albert, blessed
brother of mine, now it is
your turn. Now you can
go to Nuremberg to pursue your dream,
and I will take care of you."
All heads turned in eager
expectation to the far end of
the table where Albert sat,
tears streaming down his pale
face, shaking his lowered head
from side to side while he sobbed
and repeated, over and over,
"No ...no ...no ...no."
Finally, Albert rose and wiped
the tears from his cheeks. He
glanced down the long table
at the faces he loved, and then,
holding his hands close to his
right cheek, he said softly,
"No, brother. I cannot
go to Nuremberg. It is too late for
me. Look ... look what
four years in the mines have done to
my hands! The bones in every
finger have been smashed at
least once, and lately I have
been suffering from arthritis
so badly in my right hand that
I cannot even hold a glass to
return your toast, much less
make delicate lines on parchment
or canvas with a pen or a brush.
No, brother ... for me it is
too late."
More than 450 years have passed.
By now, Albrecht Durer's
hundreds of masterful portraits,
pen and silver-point sketches,
watercolors, charcoals, woodcuts,
and copper engravings hang
in every great museum in the
world, but the odds are great that
you, like most people, are familiar
with only one of Albrecht
Durer's works. More than
merely being familiar with it, you
very well may have a reproduction
hanging in your home or office.
One day, to pay homage to Albert
for all that he had sacrificed,
Albrecht Durer painstakingly
drew his brother's abused hands
with palms together and thin
fingers stretched skyward. He
called his powerful drawing
simply "Hands," but the entire world
almost immediately opened their
hearts to his great masterpiece
and renamed his tribute of love
"The Praying Hands."
The next time you see a copy
of that touching creation, take a
second look. Let it be
your reminder, if you still need one,
that no one - no one - - ever
makes it alone!
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Subj: Artist
And The Nude Model (DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #51 on 98-02-22
Some time ago, there was this
artist, who worked from a studio
in his home. He specialized
in nudes, and had been working on
what he thought would be a masterpiece
for several months now.
As usual, his model reported,
and after exchanging the usual
greetings and small talk, she
began to undress for the day's
work. He told her not
to bother, that he felt pretty bad with
a cold he had been fighting.
He added that he would pay her
for the day, but that she could
just go home; he just wanted
some hot tea and then, off to
bed.
The model said, "Oh, please,
let me fix it for you. It's the
least I can do." He agreed and
told her to fix herself a cup
too.
They were sitting in the living
room just exchanging small
talk and enjoying their tea,
when he heard the front door
open and close, then some familiar
footsteps.
"Oh my God!!!" he whispered tersely,
"It's my wife! Quick!!!
Take all your clothes off."
\\\//
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Subj: Short
Artist Jokes
 |
Subj:
When God Paints (S519)
From: darrell94590 on 12/27/2006 |
| Subj:
More Strange Statues Of The World (S511c)
From: vaterbenicia on 11/4/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Swimming Pool Art (S509c)
From: auntiegah on 10/19/2006 |
| Subj:
A Single Sheet Of Paper... (S508)
From: darrell94590 on 10/13/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Christofer Gilbert's Artwork (S505b)
From: darrell94590 on 9/25/2006 |
| Subj:
Animated Stickman (S502b in Short Jokes)
From: darrell94590 on 8/30/2006 |
 |
| Subj:
Microscopic Art (S500)
by Willard Wigen From: catlynnbray on 8/18/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Crop Circles (S498b in Aliens)
From: edapsmas on 8/6/2006 |
Crop Circles Gain Perspective
By
Nigel Watson| Also by this reporter
Crop circles have started appearing
again in the English
countryside, but this time in
a new permutation.
A crop circle in a complicated
three-dimensional design
was discovered in the first
week of July near Ashbury,
Oxfordshire. The exaggerated
perspective of the formation,
which is approximately 360 feet
in diameter, suggests a
bird's-eye view of a group of
skyscrapers, as though the
viewer was looking down on a
city center from directly
overhead.
You can view these Crop Circles
at the source above, or
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
| Subj:
Mus?e du Louvre PPS (S496)
From: darrell94590 on 7/24/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Sand Sculptures From Vancouver (S490)
From: darrell94590 on 6/12/2006 |
| Subj:
39 Drawings Of Leonardo Da Vinci (S486b)
From: igiggle on 5/18/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Four Mobius Benches (S481c in Math2)
From: Science News on 4/10/2006 At: http://blog.sciencenews.org/ |
| Subj:
10 Statues (S481b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/7/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Dogs Made From Flowers (S479c in Dogs3)
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/24/2006 |
| Subj:
Nine Ice Scupltures (S479)
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/20/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Warp Faces Of 25 Stars (S470)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/16/2006 |
| Subj:
Can Food Art (S469 in Food-Etc)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/13/2006 |
 |
NYC Design and Build Canned Goods
Competition Architects
and engineers compete to see
whose team can build the most
spectacular structure using
little more than cans of food.
The exhibit at New York Design
Center is open to the public.
At the end of the competition,
the 130,000 cans will be
given to the Food Bank of New
York City. For more
information, visit http://www.canstruction.org/
You can view fifteen pictures
from the competition at the
sources above, or on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.
 |
Subj:
artPad (S459b)
From: art.com on 11/7/2005 Source: http://artpad.art.com/artpad/painter/ |
| Subj:
Mickey Mouse Clipart (S458b)
From: Disney Halloween Clipart on 10/31/2005 |
 |
Need pictures of Pooh or Mickey?
Here is the place to go.
 |
Subj:
Amazing Wood Carver (S455)
From: darrell94590 on 10/12/2005 |
| Subj:
Sand Animation (S447b in Movies)
From: julie and From: www.Jamizine.com |
 |
To see the WMV movie, you can
go to the source above, or
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
To view it through your
computer's media player click
'HERE'.
 |
Subj:
Cakes As Art (S447 in Food-Etc)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/10/2005 |
| Subj:
Niagra Shopping Mall (S445)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/22/2005 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Hospital Mural (S444b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/22/2005 |
| Subj:
Chinese Watermelon Art (S442b in Chinese)
From: darrell94590 on 7/10/2005 |
 |
 |
Subj:
ZoomQuilt Art (S442)
From: igiggle on 7/11/2005 |
| Subj:
Brick Art Work (S431)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/27/2005 |
 |
 |
Subj:
8 Sand Sculptures (S429)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/20/2005 |
| Subj:
Eggshell Art 1 to 6 (S429)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/19/2005 |
 |
 |
Subj:
The Five Street Art Pictures (S424)
From: DafterLafter on 3/9/2005 |
Top
Subj: The
Three More Street Art Pictures (S455b)
From: auntiegah on 10/5/2005
The artist, Julian Beever, is
an English artist who's famous
for his art on the pavement
of England, France, Germany,
USA, Australia and Belgium.
You can view the three pictures
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
| Subj:
Panting on Side of House (S418b)
From: Buffalo's Jokes on 01/30/05 At: http://www.buffalosjokes.com/122931.htm |
 |
Top
Subj: Make
Your Own Picasso Picture (S362b)
From: igiggle on 12/29/2003
Mr. Picasso Head - http://www.mrpicassohead.com/create.html
Make your own and share with
others.
Top
Subj: Truly
Amazing Picture (S323)
From: BennoRo on 4/7/2003
Check out this website and focus
on the middle for
20 seconds and then look at
a flat surface.
http://home.mn.rr.com/t1camp1/Focus.swf
Top
Subj: Photo
Removed From Exhibit (S269d)
From: jerry on 3/26/2002
Bonehead award four goes to
Sacramento (California) State
University's Writing Center
for removing a photograph of
a sea shell from an art exhibit
because some people at
the center said it reminded
them of a vagina. They said
it was too sensual. Hmm.
Whatever turns you on, baby.
They should ponder the words
of Sigmund Freud, "Sometimes
a cigar is just a cigar."
Sacramento News ? Review 14-Mar-02
http://www.newsreview.com/issues/sacto/2002-03-14/news.asp
Top
Subj: Large
Art (S257)
From: jerry on 12/18/2001
Reader Joshua Roberts challenged
a story in a recent issue
that described the world's largest
piece of art, pointing
out that the Nasca Lines in
Peru are much larger, covering
an area of 450 square kilometers.
You can see them at, and get
full information at:
http://www.crystalinks.com/nasca.html
Who is "Lisa Gheradini"?
DaVinci's Mona Lisa
From: BawdyNet test part 3! on 98-03-01
*Leonardo Da Vinci invented
the scissors.
In 1983, a Japanese artist made
a copy of the Mona Lisa
completely
out of toast.
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/20/2002 (S269c)
"An artist is nothing without
the gift, but the gift
is nothing without work."
-- Emile Zola (1840-1902)
From: octagon999 on 8/5/00 (S184)
If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo
would have painted
on the Sistine floor.
-- Neil Simon (1927-, American Playwright)
From: LABLaughs.com on 10/27/2002 (S300)
I choose a block of marble and
chop off whatever I
don't need. -- Francois-Auguste
Rodin (1840-1917),
when asked how he managed to
make his remarkable statues
From: igiggle on 1/10/2006 (S468b)
Everyone wants to understand
painting. Why is there no attempt
to understand the song of the
birds? -- Pablo Picasso
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/12/2006 (S483b)
"The artist is a receptacle
for the emotions that come from
all over the place: from the
sky, from the earth, from a scrap
of paper, from a passing shape,
from a spider's web."
-- Pablo Picasso
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