Subj: Butcher Jokes
(Includes 7 jokes and articles, 22 1002,1,cf,vXT3,0)
Butcher & Chicken from
Also see DOG1 file - 'Dog Goes To The Butcher Shop'
Subj: Pearls Before Swine (S1002)
By Stephan Pastis on 3/22/2016
Subj: Tongue At A Butcher Shop (S714b)
From: firstname.lastname@example.org on 9/13/2010
A lady goes into the butcher
shop and as she is walking
around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher's
counter. The lady asks, "What in the world is that?"
"Beef tongue," replies the butcher!
The lady gives a little involuntary
shudder, "No way would
I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal's mouth!"
The butcher nods sympathetically
while peeking into the woman's
shopping cart, "I see you're buying a dozen eggs!"
Subj: Two Butcher Shops (S465b)
From: LABLaughsClean20051208 on 12/8/2005
It´s a summer holiday weekend
and a man walks into a butcher
shop which has a sign in the window saying "Ground Sirloin:
29 cents per pound." The man says, "I´m having a cookout
this weekend. I´d like 5 pounds of your ground sirloin,
The butcher shakes his head and
says, "Sorry. I´m all
The man, disappointed goes down
the street to another
butcher shop and asks, "How much is your ground sirloin?"
The proprietor replies, "It´s $3.29 per pound."
"Three twenty nine!?!" exclaimed
the customer. "Just up
the street he sells it for 29 cents!"
The butcher smiles calmly at
the gentleman and asks,
"Does he have any?"
"No. He´s out of it right now."
"Well," says the butcher. "When
I don´t have any, I sell
it for 19 cents per pound!"
Subj: Russian Woman Goes To The Butcher (S427, S648)
From: auntiegah on 3/31/2005
A Russian woman married an English
gentleman and they lived
happily ever after in London. However, the poor lady was not
very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate
with her Husband.
The real problem arose whenever
she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy Chicken
legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in
desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt
to show her thighs. The butcher got the message, and gave her
the Chicken legs.
The next Day, she needed to get
chicken breasts. Again, she
didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken
and unbuttoned her blouse to show the Butcher her breasts!
The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken Breasts.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed
to buy sausages. Unable to
find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the
(Please scroll down)
What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!
Subj: Butcher Sees Lawyer About A Dog (S320, DU)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/19/2003
A lawyer's dog, running about
unleashed, beelines for a
butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's
office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece
of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment
for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers,
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your
dog was loose and stole a roast
from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes
the butcher a check for
$8.50 [attorneys don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian --
and the butcher hadn't brought the shop's credit card
imprinter to the lawyer's office].
Several periods of time later
-- it could be the next day
but that would be unrealistic -- the butcher opens the mail
and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $20 due for a
Subj: Butcher Supports A Baby (S54, DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #41 on 98-02-11
It was many years ago since the
embarrassing day when a
young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher
shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was
his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide
her with free meat until
the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years
off on his calender, and
one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat
each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with
a smile, "I've been counting
too. Tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat
home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch
the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son,
go back to the butcher and
tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, free groceries,
and free rent for the last 16 years and watch the expression
on HIS face!"
Subj: Short Butcher Jokes
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #166
on 6/14/2007 (S544b)
A lady went into a butcher shop complaining about some
hot dogs she had just bought. "The middle is meat,"
she exclaimed, "but the ends are sawdust!"
"Well," said the butcher. "These
days it's hard to make
There was a man walking past
a butcher shop. He saw a sign
in the window: "Sausages $1, Bacon $1.50, Wank 50p."
He went into the shop and there
behind the counter was this
horny blond chick with huge tits. He said to her, "Are you
the one who gives the wank?"
"Yes, of course." she said smiling.
"All right then, he replied,
"Wash your hands and give me
............................From Armed and Dangerous Smilies