Subj:     Butcher Jokes
                 (Includes 7 jokes and articles, 22 1002,1,cf,vXT3,0)

Butcher & Chicken from
Animation Factory
Includes the following:  Pearls Before Swine - Comic Strip (S1002)
.........................Tongue At A Butcher Shop (S714b)
.........................Two Butcher Shops (S465b)
.........................Russian Woman Goes To The Butcher (S427, S649)
.........................Butcher Sees Lawyer About A Dog (S320, DU)
.........................Butcher Supports A Baby (S54, DU)
.........................Short Butcher Jokes

Also see DOG1 file    - 'Dog Goes To The Butcher Shop'

Subj:     Pearls Before Swine (S1002)
          By Stephan Pastis on 3/22/2016
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2016/03/22
Subj:     Tongue At A Butcher Shop (S714b)
          From: ezines@arcamax.com on 9/13/2010

 A lady goes into the butcher shop and as she is walking
 around the store, she spies a beef tongue in the butcher's
 counter. The lady asks, "What in the world is that?"

 "Beef tongue," replies the butcher!

 The lady gives a little involuntary shudder, "No way would
 I put anything in my mouth that came out of an animal's mouth!"

 The butcher nods sympathetically while peeking into the woman's
 shopping cart, "I see you're buying a dozen eggs!"

Subj:     Two Butcher Shops (S465b)
          From: LABLaughsClean20051208 on 12/8/2005

 It´s a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher
 shop which has a sign in the window saying "Ground Sirloin:
 29 cents per pound."  The man says, "I´m having a cookout
 this weekend.  I´d like 5 pounds of your ground sirloin,

 The butcher shakes his head and says, "Sorry.  I´m all

 The man, disappointed goes down the street to another
 butcher shop and asks, "How much is your ground sirloin?"
 The proprietor replies, "It´s $3.29 per pound."

 "Three twenty nine!?!" exclaimed the customer. "Just up
 the street he sells it for 29 cents!"

 The butcher smiles calmly at the gentleman and asks,
 "Does he have any?"

 "No.  He´s out of it right now."

 "Well," says the butcher. "When I don´t have any, I sell
 it for 19 cents per pound!"

Subj:     Russian Woman Goes To The Butcher (S427, S648)
          From: auntiegah on 3/31/2005

 A Russian woman married an English gentleman and they lived
 happily ever after in London. However, the poor lady was not
 very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate
 with her Husband.

 The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
 One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy Chicken
 legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in
 desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt
 to show her thighs. The butcher got the message, and gave her
 the Chicken legs.

 The next Day, she needed to get chicken breasts.  Again, she
 didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken
 and unbuttoned her blouse to show the Butcher her breasts!
 The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken Breasts.

 The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.  Unable to
 find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the

 (Please scroll down)

 What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!

Subj:     Butcher Sees Lawyer About A Dog (S320, DU)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 3/19/2003

 A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a
 butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's
 office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece
 of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment
 for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers,

 "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast
 from me today."

 The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for
 $8.50 [attorneys don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian --
 and the butcher hadn't brought the shop's credit card
 imprinter to the lawyer's office].

 Several periods of time later -- it could be the next day
 but that would be unrealistic -- the butcher opens the mail
 and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $20 due for a

Subj:     Butcher Supports A Baby (S54, DU)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #41 on 98-02-11

 It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a
 young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher
 shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was
 his and asked what was he going to do about it?

 Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until
 the boy was 16. She agreed.

 He had been counting the years off on his calender, and
 one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat
 each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

 "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting
 too.  Tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat
 home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch
 the expression on her face."

 When the boy arrived home he told his mother.

 The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and
 tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, free groceries,
 and free rent for the last 16 years and watch the expression
 on HIS face!"

Subj:     Short Butcher Jokes
          From: Bawdy.Net Collage #166

From:  LABLaughsAdult20070614 on 6/14/2007 (S544b)
 A lady went into a butcher shop complaining about some
 hot dogs she had just bought.  "The middle is meat,"
 she exclaimed, "but the ends are sawdust!"

 "Well," said the butcher. "These days it's hard to make
 ends meat."

 There was a man walking past a butcher shop.  He saw a sign
 in the window: "Sausages $1, Bacon $1.50, Wank 50p."

 He went into the shop and there behind the counter was this
 horny blond chick with huge tits.  He said to her, "Are you
 the one who gives the wank?"

 "Yes, of course." she said smiling.

 "All right then, he replied, "Wash your hands and give me
 two sausages."

                           -(o o)-
............................From Armed and Dangerous Smilies