Subj:    Contractor-Construction Jokes
               (Includes 48 jokes and articles, 19946,30,cf,wXT,26)

Hammer and Nail
AGAG Animation Gallery
Includes the following:  Great Door Design - Video (S930)
.........................Central Texas Tools - Video (S841)
.........................Three Hired At Construction Site (S270d)
.........................Toothpick Windmill Machine - Video (S945)
.........................Time Warp Table Saw called SawStop - Video (S700)
.........................Nun Visits Construction Site (S338, S762)
.........................Changes A Light Bulb - Video (S946)\
.........................Building Implosion - Video (S676b)
.........................Building Implosion Gone Wrong - Video (S676b)
.........................5-Year-Old Girl Helps At Construction Site (S225, S849)
.........................The Making of Stonehenge - Video (S447)
.........................Blondes At The Lumberyard (S586)
.........................50 Strange Buildings Of The World (S616)
.........................Construction Worker Litter (S562)
.........................German Hammer Juggler - Video (S674)
.........................Bricklayer's Brother Is A Bishop (S406)
.........................Winscape Intro - Video (S694)
.........................Worker Does Sign Language (S214)
.........................Construction Site Fantasies - Cartoon (S406b)
.........................Parable Of Good Contractor (S118)
.........................Hidden Secret Passages - Video (S848)
.........................Three Contractors Tour White House
.........................Short Contractor Jokes
..............................Amazing Marble Run - Video (S937)
..............................Construction Arcade - Webcomic/GIF (S910)
..............................Lego Wall Repairs - 4 Photos and a Video (S889)
..............................Pile Driving In The Third World - Video (S852)
..............................Loading A Backhoe On A Truck - Video (S850)
..............................How To Throw Cement - Video (S701b)
..............................Forklift Vs Coin And Bottle - Video (S832d)
..............................A Forklift Accident - Video (S641c)
..............................Crane Operator Wanted (S613b)
..............................Wife Buys Hinge At Store (S619)
..............................How To Load A Bobcat? - Video (S603b)
..............................Construction Tongue Twister (S397)
..............................Crappy Monday - Video (S578c)
..............................Using A Caulking Gun Correctly - Video (S574)
..............................Bull Dosing Crew Knocks Down Wrong House (S346b)
..............................Backhoe Terrorist (S536c)
..............................Irish Girl Calls Demolition Company - Audio (S511)
..............................First Time House Builder (S325b)
..............................Crane Stuck In Building (S495b)
..............................The Modern Construction Worker - Photo (S458b)
..............................Popsicle Stick Riddle (S827)

Also see ACCIDENT1    - 'The Bricklayer'
         BLONDE1 file - 'Blonde Gets Windows Installed'
......................- 'The Blonde And The Contractor'
         FARMER2 file - 'The Weathered Old Barns'
         FARMER-SUPP  - 'Bruno Barm Move' - Video
         HOSPITAL1    - 'Minor Operation And Men In White'
         HANDICAP-SUPP- 'Phil Parr And The Blind Handyman Radio Show' - Video
         HOWTO  file  - 'How To Build Fun Stairs'
......................- 'Homeowners Guide To Basic Tools'
......................- 'How To Locate Studs'
         HOWTO-SUPP   - 'TED - Massimo Banzi Explains Arduino' - Video
         ITALIAN file - 'Paolo The Carpenter'
         JOBS2 file   - 'Worker Dies In Scaffolding Fall'
         JOBS-SUPP    - 'ABC News - The All American Home' - Video
         REDNECK3     - 'Irish, Mexican, And Redneck Do
.............................Construction Work'
         POLISH file  - 'Mexican, English, And Polack Eat Lunch'
         PRISON file  - 'Inmate Becomes A Carpenter'
         STORIES file - 'Tired Carpenter Gets Ride Home' (in NonJokes)

Subj:     Great Door Design (S930d)
          From: Dennis Gacutan on Facebook
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=730160733696759
.....Check out this beautiful new door design by clicking
.....on above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see it move.
Subj:     Central Texas Tools (S841d)
          Produced by Texas Country Reporter
          From: From: Mel's Video of the Day on 2/18/2013
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/BckZ4i1BzF0
 Source2: http://www.coolestone.com/media/5367/

 In this video from the Texas Country Reporter, one family
 has engineered a legacy that spans four generations.
    Tom, Tommy, and Pierce Carpenter
    Central Texas Tool Co.
    1410 Walnut Street
    Abilene, TX 79601
    Phone: 325-672-3903
 Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see
 this machine shop which is a piece of American history.

Subj:     Three Hired At Construction Site (S270)
          From: coreymac on 4/2/2002

 An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a
 construction site.  The foreman points out a huge pile of
 sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of
 sweeping." To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge
 of shoveling."  And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge
 of supplies."   He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a
 little while.  I expect you guys to make a dent in that
 there pile."

 The foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns,
 the pile of sand is untouched.  He asks the Italian, "Why
 didn't you sweep any of it?"

 The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom.  You saida to the
 Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but
 he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

 Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you,
 I thought I told you to shovel this pile."  The Scotsman
 replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a
 shoovel!  Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies,
 boot ah couldnay fin' him either."

 The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the
 pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.  Just then, the
 Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and
 yells... "SUPPLIES!!"

Subj:     Toothpick Windmill Machine (S945d)
          Made by Larnie Fox
 Source: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152796405654794

 (Also see 'San Francisco Made w/Toothpicks' in Tho-Time-Supp2)
.....Watch this windmill made with a toy motor by clicking
.....on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy.
Subj:     Time Warp Table Saw called SawStop (S700d)
          From: ft.apache on 6/9/2010
Photo from YouTube.com...
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/E3mzhvMgrLE

 For those of you who use a table saw, you will find this
 fascinating.  If you have never seen "Time Warp," it's a
 show all about super-duper slow motion cameras capturing
 things we take for granted and never see as they really
 are.  In this case, they take photos of this guy's new
 invention of a safer table saw.  Click on the source,
 or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this wonderful innovation.

Subj:     Nun Visits Construction Site (S338, S762)
          From: BennoRo on 7/14/2003
      and From: allenbergman on 8/22/2011

 An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn
 construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers
 and decided to spend some time with them to correct their

 She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers,
 and talk with them.  She put her sandwich in a brown bag
 and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

 She walked up to the group and with a big smile said, "Do
 you men know Jesus Christ?"

 They shook their heads and looked at each other.  One of
 the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled,
 "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

 One of the steelworkers peeked over and shouted down "Why?"

 The worker yelled back, "His wife is here with his lunch."

Subj:     Changes A Light Bulb (S946d)
          Made by Prairie Aerial
          From: tom on 2/17/2015
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/f1BgzIZRfT8
..........Click 'HERE' to watch this magnificent climb.
Subj:     Building Implosion (S676b,d)
          From: darrellvip on 12/28/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/7Ng5qwtR59A

 A building implosion is when the building falls into
 itself making a wonderful display of smoke.  Click
 on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see
 this amazing demolition of a building going from
 skyscraper to groundscraper in 10 seconds.
Subj:     Building Implosion Gone Wrong (S676b)
          From: Hufferingtom.com
          on 12/28/2009
 Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/03

 Sometimes implosions go very wrong.  Officials in Turkey
 are trying to figure out why a building demolition went
 wrong.  Instead of imploding, the structure fell over,
 narrowly missing a neighboring apartment building.  Click
 on the above source to see this scary video.

Subj:     5-Year-Old Girl Helps At Construction Site (S225, S849)
          From: FrankRoesch on 5/21/2001
      and From: tom on 4/16/2013

 A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot.
 One day, a construction crew turned up to start building
 a house on the empty lot.  The young family's 5-year-old
 daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity
 going on next door and spent much of each day observing
 the workers.

 Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-
 the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project
 mascot.  They chatted with her, let her sit with them while
 they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs
 to do here and there to make her feel important.

 At the end of the first week, they even presented her with
 a pay envelope containing ten dollars.  The little girl
 took this home to her mother who suggested that she take
 her ten dollars "pay," she'd received, to the bank the
 next day to start a savings account.

 When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was
 equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had
 come by her very own pay check at such a young age..  The
 little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a
 real construction crew building the new house next door
 to us."

 "Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you
 be working on the house again this week, too?"

 The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at
 Lowe's ever deliver the damn sheet rock..."  Kind of brings
 a tear to the eye - doesn't it?

Subj:     The Making of Stonehenge (S447d)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles
          on 8/23/2005 (in Movies)
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/uYQBDhkBfr0

 This retired construction worker shows us how Stonehenge
 could be built by one man without pulleys or levers.  You
 can view it at the source above, or on my web site by
 clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Blondes At The Lumberyard (S586)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 3/11/2008

Some blondes in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.
One of the blondes
Walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The blonde said, "I'll go check," and went back to the
truck.  She returned
And said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
"I'd better go check."
After awhile, the blonde returned to the office and
said, "A long time.
We're gonna build a house."

Subj:     50 Strange Buildings Of The World (S616)
          From: darrellvip on 10/28/2008
 Source: http://villageofjoy.com/50-strange-buildings-of-the-world/
 The architecture on these 50 buildings is amazing, bizarre,
 and impressive.  You can view these unique buildings at the
 above source, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Construction Worker Litter (S562)
          From: SCOTCOB on 10/26/2007

 The Dallas Solution

 I have a friend who is president of his homeowners associa-
 tion in the Dallas, Texas suburbs.  They were having a
 terrible problem with litter near some of his association's

 The reason according to Wallace (my friend) is that six very
 large, luxurious new houses are being built right next to
 their community.

 The trash was coming from the Mexican laborers working at the
 construction sites, and included bags from McDonalds, Burger
 King and 7-11, plus coffee cups, napkins, cigarette butts,
 coke cans, empty bottles, etc.

 He went to see the site supervisor and even the general
 contractor politely urging them, to get their workers not
 to litter the neighborhood, to no avail.

 He called the city, county, and police and got no help
 there either.

 So here's what his community did.  They organized about
 twenty folks, named themselves The "Inner Neighborhood
 Services" group, and arranged to go out at lunch time,
 and "police" the trash themselves.

 It is what they did while picking up the trash that is so
 hilarious.  They bought navy blue baseball caps and had the
 initials "INS" embroidered in gold on the caps.

 It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand what they
 hoped people, might mistakenly think the letters really
 stand for.

 After the Inner Neighborhood Services group's first lunch
 time pickup detail, with all of them wearing their caps
 and some carrying cameras, 46 out of the total of 68
 construction workers did not show up for work the next
 morning -- and have not come back yet.

 It has been ten days now.

 The General Contractor, I'm told, is madder than hell, but
 can't say anything publicly because, he could be busted for
 hiring illegal aliens.

 Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating
 federal personnel, because they have the official name of
 the group recorded in their homeowner association minutes,
 along with a notation about the vote to approve formation
 of the new subcommittee -- and besides, they informed the
 INS in advance of their plans and according to Wallace,
 the INS said basically, "Have at it!"


 This is an Urban Legend as reported by Snopes.com at

Subj:     German Hammer Juggler (S674d)
          From: lubin100 on 12/8/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/0ByrC03ePHI

 This handyman juggling hammers while driving a nail
 into a beam in the ceiling.  The narrator calls this
 stunt, unbelievable, amazing, and awesome.  Click on
 the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see
 Joel B., the hammer thrower.

Subj:     Bricklayer's Brother Is A Bishop (S406)
          From: DafterLafter on 10/26/2004

 At the construction site of a new church, the contractor
 stopped to chat with one of his workmen.  "Paddy," he asked
 casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother
 who was a bishop?"

 "That I did, sir."

 "And you are a bricklayer!  It sure is a funny world. Things
 in life aren't divided equally, are they?"

 "No, that they ain't sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly
 slapped the mortar along the line of bricks.  "Me poor
 brother couldn't do this to save his life!"

Subj:     Winscape Intro (S694d)
          From: Wimp.com on 5/2/2010
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/Vqu9NuINKbc
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/windowmonitor

 This video is an introduction to the Winscape monitor/windows.
 See www.rationalcraft.com for more details.  Music is Annen
 Polka by Johann Strauss.  Click on either source, or 'HERE'
 to see these absolutely incredible window monitors.

Subj:     Workers Does Sign Language (S214)
          From: KMACINTY on 3/8/2001

 A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs
 a handsaw. He sees another man on the 1st floor.  He yells
 down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language.

 To do sign language, the man on the 3rd floor points at his
 eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and
 moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.

 The man on the 1st floor nods his head, drops his pants and
 starts pulling himself off.

 The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the
 1st floor and says, "What the fuck is wrong with you, dumb
 ass? I said I need a handsaw!"

 The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell
 you I'm coming."

Subj:     Construction Site Fantasies (S406b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult 2004-10-25 on 10/25/2004
 Source: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
Subj:     The Parable Of The Good Contractor (S118)
          From: smiles on 98-08-12

 There once was a computer contractor who lived her whole life
 without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked
 for, she believed in knowledge transfer and never kept infor-
 mation from others.  In fact, she made sure that every job
 she did resulted in a win-win situation.

 One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit
 by a bus and she died.  Her soul arrived up in heaven where
 she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

 Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled
 in though it seems we have a problem.  You see, strangely
 enough, we've never once had a contractor make it this far
 and we're not really sure what to do with you."

 "No problem, just let me in." said the contractor. "Well,
 I'd like to, but I have higher orders.  What we're going to
 do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and
 then you can choose which one you want to spend eternity

 "Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay
 in Heaven"

 "Sorry, we have rules..."

 And with that St. Peter put the contractor in an elevator
 and it went down-down-down to hell.  The doors opened and
 the contractor found herself stepping out onto the putting
 green of a beautiful golf course.  In the distance was a
 country club and standing in front of her were all her
 friends -  fellow contractors that she had worked with and
 they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
 They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked
 about old times.  They played an excellent round of golf
 and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an
 excellent steak and lobster dinner.  She met the Devil who
 was actually a really nice bloke (kind-of-cute) and she
 had a great time telling bawdy jokes and dancing.  The
 contractor was having such a good time that before she
 knew it, it was time to leave.  Everybody shook her hand
 and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

 The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the
 Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.

 "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven."

 So the contractor spent the next 24 hours lounging around
 on clouds and playing the harp and singing.  She had a
 great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up
 and St. Peter came and got her.

 "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in
 heaven. Now you must choose your eternity."

 The contractor paused for a second and then replied, "Well,
 I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been
 really great and all, but I think I had a better time in
 Hell."  So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and
 again the contractor went down-down-down back to Hell.

 When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself
 standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and
 filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were
 picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.  The
 Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

 "I don't understand," stammered the contractor, "Yester-
 day I was here and there was a golf course and a country
 club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great
 time.  Now there is a wasteland of garbage and all my
 friends look miserable."

 The Devil looked at her and smiled. "That's because
 yesterday you were a contractor, but today you're a

Subj:     Hidden Secret Passages (S848d)
          Made by Creative Home Engineering
..........From: Wimp.com on 4/11/2013
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/cS5II_LavsQ
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/secretpassages/

 Creative Home Engineering builds Hollywood-style secret passages
 for homes.  Click on the company to see other secret passages
 that they have built.  Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my
 copy, to learn more about this construction firm.

Subj:     Three Contractors Tour The White House
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #277 on 97-12-15

 (See 'NASA Interviews Mars Astronauts' in STAR TREK and SPACE)

 Three contractors were touring the white house on the same
 day.  One was from New York, another from Missouri, and the
 third from Florida.  At the end of the tour, the guard
 asked them what they did for a living.  When they each
 replied that they were contractors the guard said "Hey, we
 need one of the rear fences redone.  Why don't you guys
 look at it and give me a bid."

 So to the back fence they went.  First up was the Florida
 contractor.  He took out his tape measure and pencil, did
 some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run
 about $900.  $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and
 $100 profit for me."

 Next was the Missouri contractor.  He also took out his
 tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said,
 "Looks like I can do this Job for $700. $300 for materials,
 $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

 The guard asks the New York contractor how much.  Without
 so much as moving the contractor says, $2700."

 The guard, incredulous, looks at him and says "You didn't
 even measure like the guys!  How did you come up with such
 a high figure?"

 "Easy" says the contractor from New York, "$1,000 for me,
 $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Missouri."

Subj:     Short Contractor Jokes

Subj:     Amazing Marble Run (S937d)
          Built by By: Steve Moseley
          From: Woodworking Tips
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/RTxmTTisThY
 Source2: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=598534940280146
 (Also see 'Belgian Man Has Marble Addiction' in Other-Nations
   and see 'Rolling Ball plays Bach On Xylophone' in Asian-Supp))
 Follow a marble as it takes a lap around Steve Moseley's
 my sons room.  Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my
 copy, to see this marvelous contraption.

Subj:     Construction Arcade - GIF (S910d)
          Created by Dave MeEfatrick
          From: Desiree Kelsey on Facebook
 Source1: http://explosm.net/comics/3220/
 Source2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyanide_and_Happiness
 This animated GIF is one of many fine 'Cyanida and
 Happiness' webcomics.  They are written and illustrated
 by Rob DenBleyker, Kris Wilson, and Dave McElfatrick.
 It is published on their website explosm.net.  Click
 on the top source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see it.

Subj:     Lego Wall Repairs (S889d)
          From: tom on 1/20/2014
Photo from WeHeartIt.com...
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/YFc7h5MTgDU
 Jan Vormann restores crumbling architecture with what he
 calls dispatchwork with the emphasis on the patchwork.
 Instead of plaster or stucco, the German artist mends
 cracks, holes and fissures in buildings with Lego blocks.
 Click 'HERE' to see four photos and a video of his work.

Subj:     Pile Driving In The Third World (S852d)
          From: Wimp.com on 5/8/2013
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/s3SnbOsPwcQ
 Source2: http://www.dump.com/constructionworks/
 This thirty second video titled 'How construction works
 in other parts of the world' is cute and very happy.
 Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to learn
 how to do construction with a tambourine.

Subj:     Loading A Backhoe On A Truck (S850d)
          From: Wimp.com on 4/19/2013
Photo from YouTube.com...
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/hKRJzGKv4MY
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/howyou/
 This video also called 'Now that's how you do it' is impressive.
 These workers load a large backhoe on a truck without a ramp.
 Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this
 backhoe loaded on the truck.

Subj:     How To Throw Cement (S701b,d)
          From: Wimp.com on 6/21/2010
Photo from YouTube.com
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/QGj-KkjwXJY
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/cementthrowing/
 This video shows he "South African" art of cement throwing.
 Click on either source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this
 one minute instructive video.

Subj:     Forklift Vs Coin And Bottle (S832d)
          From: sam.hutkins on 12/17/2012
Photo from YouTube.com...
 Source: http://biertijd.com/mediaplayer/?itemid=34305
 The Sao Paulo native is known for his uncanny ability to
 lift a Brazilian ten-cent piece off the ground and drop
 it into a water bottle with his trusty Hyster 30-ton
 forklift. Click on the source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
 to see this very skilled forklift driver.

Subj:     A Forklift Accident (S641c,d)
          From: rfslick on 4/11/2009
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/GKYJcFfHWCU
 Forklift driver hits scaffolding used as a storage
 rack in a warehouse resulting in the collapse and
 engulfment of the forklift. Click on the above
 source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see this video.

Subj:     Crane Operator Wanted (S613b,d)
          From: tom on 10/6/2008
 Source: http://burjdubaiskyscraper.com/
 (See 'Dubai Skyscraper World's Tallest Building' in Engineer1)
 This is a picture of the Nakheel Tower (or previously known
 as Tall Tower / Al Burj).  It will have over 200 stories,
 150 lifts, 500,000 m3 of concrete and will be definitely
 over 1 km in height.

 Burj Dubai is going to hold the world's tallest title
 for at least another 10 years, as the construction of
 the Tall Tower will take minimum 10 years.  Click 'HERE'
 to view this spectacular picture.

Subj:     Wife Buys Hinge At Store (S619)
          From: darrellvip on 11/18/2008
 Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a
 new hinge, so he sent his wife Jane to Lowe's.  At
 Lowe's, Jane saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while
 she was waiting for Walt the manager to finish waiting
 on a customer.  When Walt was finished with the customer,
 Jane asked 'How much for that faucet?

 Walt replied, 'That's pewter and it costs $300.'

 My goodness that sure is a lot of money!' Jane exclaimed.
 Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie
 had sent her to buy, and Walt went to find it.  From the
 back aisle Walt yelled, 'Jane, you wanna screw for that
 hinge?  She replied, 'No, but I will for the faucet.'

 And this is why you can't send a woman to Lowe's.

Subj:     How To Load A Bobcat? (S603b,d)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 7/25/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/uRaebq-NhEQ
 This short video shows you one way to load a bobcat onto
 a flatbed truck.  You can view it at the above source,
 or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Construction Tongue Twister (S397)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 8/30/2004
 Mr. See owned a saw.
 And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
 Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
 Before Soar saw See,
 Which made Soar sore.
 Had Soar seen See's saw
 Before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
 See's saw would not have sawed
 Soar's seesaw.
 So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
 But it was sad to see Soar so sore
 Just because See's saw sawed
 Soar's seesaw!

Subj:     Crappy Monday (S578c,d)
          From: tom on 2/18/2008
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/PSC8HQTFwqo
 This short video is funny, as long as it isn't you.
 Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy,
 to view it.

Subj:     Using A Caulking Gun Correctly (S574d)
          From: tom on 1/13/2008
 Source1: http://www.youtube.com/embed/tiPkYt09awo
 Source2: http://www.jokelibrary.net/occupations/b_to_l/contr-caulk.wmv
 This Saturday Night Live skit is cute.  Click on the
 top source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to view it on YouTube.
 Or click on the second source, to see the WMV video.

Subj:     Bull Dosing Crew Knocks Down The Wrong House (S346b)
          From: jerry on 9/15/2003
 "Yes, we have knocked your house down."

 Comment made by a construction crewman to a Tennessee man
 who returned home from work to find that they had torn his
 home down by mistake.  The demolition crew got their right
 and left turns confused and, despite being sent to tear down
 a burned out home that had no porch, tore down his home
 which was not burned up and which had a porch.

 The Leaf Chronicle (Clarksville, Tennessee) 14-Sep-03

Subj:     Backhoe Terrorist (S536c)
          From: edapsmas on 4/26/2007
 Don't mess with someone who owns a backhoe.  You can see
 this picture on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Irish Girl Calls Demolition Company (S511)
..........From: darrell94590 on 11/14/2006
Drawing from Ginny Prior Media Services
 This 1,500 KB radio broadcast is a call by a young Irish
 girl to a demolition company.  She asks them to destroy
 her school.  You can listen to the funny recording on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     First Time House Builder (S325b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 4/20/2003

 Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.  One
 of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some

 The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

 The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
 He returned and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."

 "All right. How long do you need them?"

 The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go
 check."  After a while, the customer returned to the office
 and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Subj:     Crane Stuck In Building (S495b)
          From: jerry on 7/23/2006
 Source: http://test.funreports.com/fun/21-07-2006/1395-tower-crane-0
 A Ukrainian construction company had this great engineering
 idea for quickly building a tall building ... by keeping the
 crane inside the building the entire time.  Now they can't
 figure out how to get the crane out.  You can view the
 article and picture at the source above, or on my web site
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     The Modern Construction Worker (S458b)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 11/2/2005
 Source: http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/contractor.htm
 You can view this cute photo at the source above, or on my
 web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Popsicle Stick Riddle (S827)
          From: Unilever
................Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632
 Source: www.Popsicle.com

From: PGM2R4U on 5/31/99 (S130)
 Wife of a local building contractor ask her daughter on
 Thanksgiving Day, "What do you want for Christmas?"
 Daughter says, "Mommie I want a little brother".  Wife
 says, "I'm sorry dear but this year we just don't have
 time".  Daughter says,  "Mommie, why don't you do what
 daddy says when he is short of time,  "Put more men on
 the job".

 Weinberg's Second Law
 If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote
 programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would
 have destroyed civilization.

From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/4/2001 (S240)
 "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it."
   -- Steven Wright

From: LABLaughs.com on 7/14/2002 (S285b)
 Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber
 on Sunday.  -- Woody Allen (1935-)

From: LABLaughs.com on 10/13/2002 (S300b)
 Men have become the tools of their tools.
   -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

From: LABLaughs.com on 3/30/2006 (S380b)
 "To the man who only has a hammer in the toolkit,
  every problem looks like a nail."  -- Abraham H. Maslow

                           -(o o)-
............................From Smiley_Central.