>>> Subj:     Cowboy2 Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 21 jokes and articles)

Cowboy Saddle from Millanimations

============================================================Top

Subj:     Today's The Day (S508)           From: edapsmas on 10/16/2006  Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMNzF9i8e4k

 This 1,900 KB music video is Rodney Carrington's very funny
 country western song "Today's The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend"
 You can view this movie at the source above, or on my web site
 by clicking 'HERE'.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Old Prospector Comes To Town (S589b)
          From: ginafm on 4/27/2008
          (See 'Cowboy Kisses Horses Ass' in Cowboy1)

 An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western
 town one day.  He'd been out in the desert for about six
 months without a drop of whiskey.

 He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his
 old mule to the hitch rail.

 As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face
 and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon
 with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

 The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
 saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

 The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I
 never did dance.  I just never wanted to.'

 A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well,
 you old fool, you're gonna dance now,' and started shooting
 at the old man's feet.  The old prospector was hopping
 around and everybody was laughing.

 When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his
 gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

 The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and
 pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.
 The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.
 The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around
 looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

 The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'

 The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've
 always wanted to.'

 The lessons from this story are:

 1. Don't waste ammunition.

 2. Don't mess with old people.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Top 17 Country Songs (S517)
          From: jbcary1 on 12/11/06

 17. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine

 16. It's Hard To Kiss the Lips At Night
     That Chewed My Ass Out All Day

 15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life,
     Then Number Two On You

 14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

 13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

 12. I Liked You Better Before I Got To Know You So Well

 11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better

 10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause
     I'm Afraid She'd Win

  9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

  8. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here

  7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To,
     I'd Be Out Of Prison Now

  6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend,
     and I Sure Do Miss Him

  5. She Got The Ring and I Got the Finger

  4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

  3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Were Pure

  2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

     And the Number One Country Song ---

  1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman,
     But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     The Cowboy Code (S488)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 5/24/2006

 I grew up in much simpler times.  Television was in its infancy,
 and the idea of a hero was exemplified in the white-hatted
 cowboy.  There was a clarity and simplicity to such a hero`s
 moral code that left no doubt there is a right and wrong.

 As I became more sophisticated, it was easy to ridicule these
 simplistic approaches to ethics and living.  Yet the more I
 learn, the more I`ve come to think there`s as much danger in
 complexifying our choices into endless shades of gray.

 Sure, there are extenuating factors and exceptions that
 challenge the validity of every ethical principle, but on
 balance we need clear prescriptive guidelines of virtue.  Such
 guidelines are provided in the quaintly old-fashioned Cowboy
 Code promoted by the late Gene Autry:

  1. Don`t shoot first, hit a smaller man or take unfair
     advantage.
  2. Don`t go back on your word or a trust confided
     in you.
  3. Tell the truth.
  4. Be gentle with children, the elderly and animals.
  5. Don`t advocate or possess racially or religiously
     intolerant ideas.
  6. Help people in distress.
  7. Be a good worker.
  8. Keep yourself clean in thought, speech, action and
     personal habits.
  9. Respect women, parents and the law.
 10. Be patriotic.

 With a little updating, this code still works.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Old West Phrases (S486b)
          From: gattica30 on 5/9/2006

 Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound
 The Same After That Damned  Gay Cowboy Movie

  1. "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"

  2. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"

  3. "Don't fret---I've been in tight spots before."

  4. "Howdy, pardner."

  5. You stay here while I sneak around from behind."

  6. Two words:  "Saddle Sore."

  7. "Hold it right there!  Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like"

  8. "Let's mount up!"

  9. "Nice spread ya got there!"

 10. "Ride'em cowboy!"

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     The General And The Indian Scout (S453)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 9/21/2005

 An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked.  The wily
 old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout.

 "Scout, you must use all your thirty years of skills for
 me and try to estimate the sort of army we are up against
 here."

 The trusty Indian Scout lays down and puts his ear to the
 ground.

 "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves,
 four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions.
 All have war paint.  Many, many guns! Medicine man also with
 them."

 "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of
 that just by listening to the ground?"

 "NO," replied the Indian. . .

 "I can see under the gate."

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Blonde Cowboy (S436b)
          From: Dickschu on 5/30/2005

 The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees
 a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his
 cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent
 exposure.

 As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you
 only wearing your gun, hat and boots?"

 The Cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff... I was in the
 bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to
 go out to her motor home with her ... so I did. We go inside
 and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt..
 so I did.  Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull
 off my pants...so I did.  Then she pulls off her panties and
 asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.  "Then she gets on
 the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to
 town cowboy... "

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top

Subj:     A True Lone Ranger Story (S546)           From: Stupidity.org on 7/1/2007 Photo from Paul ? Sue's Hoempage

 Source: http://www.stupidity.org/video/1960

 While Jay Thomas is on the Late Show with David Letterman,
 he tells a true Lone Ranger story.  This is very funny
 stuff.  You can see this 21,000 KB movie at the source
 above, or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Cowboy Poetry - Women's Underwear (S432b)
          From: Dickschu on 5/9/2005

 I ain't much for shopping,
 Nor even goin' into town -
 Except at cattle-shipping time,
 I ain't too easily found.

 But the day came when I had to go
 And I left the kids with ma.
 But before I left she asked me,
 "Would you pick me up a bra?"

 Without thinkin' I said "Sure,"
 How tough could that job be?
 I bent down and kissed her
 And said, "I'll be back by three"

 Well, when I done the things I needed,
 I started to regret
 Ever offering to buy that thing,
 I was working up a sweat.

 I crossed the street to the ladies shop
 With my hat pulled over my eyes,
 I wasn't takin' any chances
 On bein' recognized.

 I walked up to the sales clerk -
 I didn't hem or haw -
 I told the lady right straight out,
 "Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra."

 From behind I heard some snickers,
 So I turned around to see
 At least fifteen women in the store
 And they's all a'gawkin' at me!

 "What kind would you be looking for?
 "Well," I just scratched my head.
 I'd only seen one kind before
 "Thought bras was bras," I said.

 She gives me a disgusted look,
 "Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
 "Come with me," I heard her say,
 And like a dog, I tagged along.

 She took me down this alley
 Where bras was on display.
 Well, I thought my jaw'd hit the floor
 When I seen that lingerie.

 They had all these different styles
 That I'd not seen before
 I thought that I'd go crazy
 'fore I left that women's store.

 They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
 And bras that cross your heart.
 There was bras that lift and separate,
 And that was just the start.

 They had bras that made you feel
 Like you weren't wearing one at all,
 And bras that you can train in
 When you start off when you're small.

 Well, I finally make my mind up -
 Picked a black and lacy one -
 I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
 And figured I was done

 But then she asked me for the size.
 I didn't hesitate.
 I knew them measurements by heart,
 "A six-and-seven-eighths."

 "Six and seven eighths, well sir,
 That really isn't right."
 "Oh, yes ma'am! Yeah, I'm positive,
 I just measured them last night."

 I thought that she'd go into shock,
 Musta took her by surprise
 When I told her that my wife's bust
 Was the same as my hat size.

 "That's what I used to measure with,
 I figured it was fair,
 But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
 This drew another stare.

 By now a crowd had gathered
 And they's all crackin' up
 When the lady asked to see my hat,
 To measure for the cup.

 When she finally had it figured,
 I gave the gal her pay.
 Then I turned to leave the store,
 Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."

 My wife heard the whole story
 'fore I ever made it home.
 She'd talked to fifteen women
 Who'd called her on the phone.

 She was still a-laughing
 But by then I didn't care.
 Now she don't ask and I don't shop
 For no more women's underwear.

 Author Unknown

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Two Cowpokes And The Indian Head (S383b)
          From: mrx on 5/25/2004

 Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes,
 Jeff  and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong
 sasparilla in  the local saloon, when a man walked into the
 bar with an Indian's head under his arm.

 The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians; last
 week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted
 my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man
 brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand
 dollars."

 The two blonds looked at each other and walked out of the
 bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around
 for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock
 which hit the Indian right on the head. The Indian fell off
 his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two
 nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out
 a knife to claim their trophy.

 Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave
 replied, "Not now, I'm busy."

 Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think
 you should look at this."

 Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a
 thousand dollars in my hand."

 But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."

 So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the
 ravine were five thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his
 head and said, "Oh... my... God... we're going to be
 millionaires!"

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top

Subj:     Mostly Rodeo Accidents (S590b)           From: edapsmas on 5/5/2008

 You can view this shirt movie of accidents with animals
 on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Top 30 Things A Texan Will Never Say (S359b)
          From: ICohen on 12/17/2003

 30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

 29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

 28. Duct tape won't fix that.

 27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

 26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

 25. You can't feed that to the dog.

 24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

 23. Wrestling is fake.

 22. We're vegetarians.

 21. Do you think my gut is too big?

 20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

 19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

 18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

 17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

 16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor

 15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

 14. Trim the fat off that steak.

 13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

 12. The tires on that truck are too big.

 11. I've got it all on the C: drive.

 10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

  9. My fianc??, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

  8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

  7. Checkmate.

  6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

  5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

  4. I don't have a favorite college football team.

  3. You All.

  2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
 

 AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A TEXAN SAY:

  1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Three Men At The Urinals (S326b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 4/17/2003
          (Also see 'Pissing At Urnal' in Soldier2)

 In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a
 cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

 The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing
 and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his
 elbows.  He used 20 paper towels before he finished.  He
 turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated
 from the University of Michigan and they taught us to
 be clean."

 The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips
 of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented,
 "I graduated from the University of California and they
 taught us to be environmentally conscious."

 The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door
 said, "I graduated from Texas Tech University and they
 taught us not to piss on our hands.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj:     Cowboy Poetry (S310b)
          From: truhland on 1/13/2003

 Jake, the rancher, went one day to fix a distant fence.
 The wind was cold and gusty and the clouds rolled gray
 and dense.

 As he pounded the last staples in and gathered tools to go,
 The temperature had fallen, the wind and snow began to blow.

 When he finally reached his pickup, he felt a heavy heart.
 From the sound of that ignition, he knew it wouldn't start.

 So Jake did what most of us would do if we had been there.
 He humbly bowed his balding head and sent aloft a prayer.

 As he turned the key for the last time, he softly cursed
 his luck.
 They found him three days later, frozen stiff in that old truck.

 Now Jake had been around in life and done his share of roaming.
 But when he saw Heaven, he was shocked, it looked just
 like Wyoming!

 Of all the saints in Heaven, his favorite was St. Peter.
 (Now, this line ain't needed but it helps with rhyme and meter)

 So they set and talked a minute or two, or maybe it was three.
 Nobody was keeping' score -- in Heaven time is free.

 "I've always heard," Jake said to Pete, "that God will answer prayer,
 But one time I asked for help, well, he just plain wasn't there."

 "Does God answer prayers of some, and ignore the prayers of others?
 That don't seem exactly square -- I know all men are brothers."

 "Or does he randomly reply, without good rhyme or reason?
 Maybe, it's the time of day, the weather or the season."

 "Now I ain't trying to act smart, it's just the way I feel.
 And I was wondering', could you tell me -- what the heck's
 the deal?!"

 Peter listened very patiently and when Jake was done,
 There were smiles of recognition, and he said, "So, you're
 the one!!"

 "That day your truck, it wouldn't start, ? you sent your
 prayer a flying,
 You gave us all a real bad time, with hundreds of us trying."

 "A thousand angels rushed, to check the status of your file,
 But you know, Jake, we hadn't heard from you in quite
 a long while."

 "And though all prayers are answered, and God ain't got no quota,
 He didn't recognize your voice, and started a truck in Minnesota."

 BETTER KEEP IN TOUCH!

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
Subj:     More Short Cowboy Jokes

Top

Subj:     Song "But I Could Be Wrong" (S583c in Music-Supp)           From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/20/2008 Photo from YouTube

 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-5d5IfdYK4
 A video about celebrities that we all can't stand, to the
 music of Tim Wilson and his song titled "But I Could Be
 Wrong."  You can see this funny video at the source above,
 or on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top

Subj:     Rodeo Teeter-Totter (S560b)           From: darrellvip           on 10/11/2007

 This 2,900 KB movie demonstrates how dumb young males
 cab be.  Click 'HERE' to view it on my web site.
 

Top

Subj:     Davy Crockett At The Alamo (S551)           From: ginafm on 8/7/2007 Photo from Mrs. McGowan's First Grade

 On March 6, 1836, that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up
 and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to
 the observation post on the west wall.  Col. William B.
 Travis and Jim Bowie were up there already.

 As the three gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily
 towards them, Davy turned to Bowie with a puzzled look on his
 face and asked, "Jim . . .are we landscaping today?"
 

Top

Subj:     Brokeback Mountain2 (S482)           From: darrell94590           on 4/17/2006

 Finally a gay cowboy movie to which I can relate.  You can
 view it's poster on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

Top

Subj:     Bull Riding - Cartoon (S444)           From: darrell94590           on 7/22/2005

 To view this cartoon on my web site click 'HERE'.
 

Top

Subj:     Second Texas Limo (S436b)           From: darrell94590           on 6/1/2005

 To view this picture go to my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 To view first Texas Limo click 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Why Cowboys Live So Long (S427b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 4/6/2005
 A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he
 wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a
 pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

 The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of
 110. He left 4 children, 20 grand-children, 30
 great-grandchildren, 10  great-great-grand-children and a
 fifty-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
 

From: igiggle on 5/19/2004 (S381b)
 Q: Who wears a black mask and always smells great?
 A: The Cologne Ranger.

                            \\\//
                           -(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 

Cowboy Smiley from Smiley_Central

.