Subj: Cowboy2 Jokes
(Includes 27 jokes and articles, 07799,16,cf,m,11)
Cowboy Saddle
from
Millanimations
| >>>
Subj: Cowboy2 Jokes (Includes 27 jokes and articles, 07799,16,cf,m,11) |
|
Cowboy Saddle from Millanimations |
..Made
from LegendsOfAmerica
and Metal-Art.us
 |
Subj:
Jim Lisk, A Cowboy Cartoonist (S766)
Drawings by Jim Lisk From: virv on 9/18/2011 |
Jim Lisk, self taught cartoonist/artist
who was raised on
a dairy ranch in eastern Washington
state. He broke into
the professional freelance market
selling gag cartoons to
SRI Publishing company of Fort
Worth, Texas from 1968 to
1972. Click 'HERE'
to see five of my favorite Lisk drawings.
Many great Lisk drawings are
for sale from $500 to $1,500 at
the first source.
..Top
Subj: Old
Prospector Comes To Town (S589b)
From: ginafm on 4/27/2008
(See 'Cowboy Kisses Horses
Ass' in Cowboy1)
An old prospector walks his tired
old mule into a western
town one day. He'd been
out in the desert for about six
months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon
he came to and tied his
old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some
of the dust from his face
and clothes, a young gunslinger
walked out of the saloon
with a gun in one hand and a
bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at
the old man and laughed,
saying, 'Hey old man, have you
ever danced?'
The old man looked up at the
gunslinger and said, 'No, I
never did dance. I just
never wanted to.'
A crowd had gathered by then
and the gunslinger said, 'Well,
you old fool, you're gonna dance
now,' and started shooting
at the old man's feet.
The old prospector was hopping
around and everybody was laughing.
When the gunslinger fired his
last bullet, he holstered his
gun and turned around to go
back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the
mule, drew his shotgun, and
pulled both hammers back making
a double clicking sound.
The gunslinger heard the sound
and everything got quiet.
The crowd watched as the gunslinger
slowly turned around
looking down both barrels of
the shotgun.
The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's ass?'
The gunslinger swallowed hard
and said, 'No. But I've
always wanted to.'
The lessons from this story are:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.
..Top
| Subj:
Today's The Day (S508)
From: edapsmas on 10/16/2006 Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMNzF9i8e4k |
 |
This 1,900 KB music video is
Rodney Carrington's very funny
country western song "Today's
The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend"
You can view this movie at the
source above, or on my web site
by clicking 'HERE'.
..Top
Subj: Top
17 Country Songs (S517)
From: jbcary1 on 12/11/06
17. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
16. It's Hard To Kiss the Lips
At Night
That Chewed
My Ass Out All Day
15. If I Can't Be Number One
In Your Life,
Then Number
Two On You
14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
12. I Liked You Better Before I Got To Know You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Getting Better
10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A
Dogfight 'Cause
I'm Afraid
She'd Win
9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
8. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here
7. If I Had Shot You When I
First Wanted To,
I'd Be Out
Of Prison Now
6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best
Friend,
and I Sure
Do Miss Him
5. She Got The Ring and I Got the Finger
4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Were Pure
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
And the Number One Country Song ---
1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed
With an Ugly Woman,
But I've
Sure Woke Up With A Few
..Top
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Subj:
A True Lone Ranger Story (S546)
From: Stupidity.org on 7/1/2007 Photo from Paul ? Sue's Hoempage |
While Jay Thomas is on the Late
Show with David Letterman,
he tells a true Lone Ranger
story. This is very funny
stuff. You can see this
21,000 KB movie at the source
above, or on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
..Top
Subj: The
Cowboy Code (S488)
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/24/2006
I grew up in much simpler times.
Television was in its infancy,
and the idea of a hero was exemplified
in the white-hatted
cowboy. There was a clarity
and simplicity to such a hero`s
moral code that left no doubt
there is a right and wrong.
As I became more sophisticated,
it was easy to ridicule these
simplistic approaches to ethics
and living. Yet the more I
learn, the more I`ve come to
think there`s as much danger in
complexifying our choices into
endless shades of gray.
Sure, there are extenuating factors
and exceptions that
challenge the validity of every
ethical principle, but on
balance we need clear prescriptive
guidelines of virtue. Such
guidelines are provided in the
quaintly old-fashioned Cowboy
Code promoted by the late Gene
Autry:
1. Don`t shoot first, hit a
smaller man or take unfair
advantage.
2. Don`t go back on your word
or a trust confided
in you.
3. Tell the truth.
4. Be gentle with children,
the elderly and animals.
5. Don`t advocate or possess
racially or religiously
intolerant
ideas.
6. Help people in distress.
7. Be a good worker.
8. Keep yourself clean in thought,
speech, action and
personal
habits.
9. Respect women, parents and
the law.
10. Be patriotic.
With a little updating, this code still works.
..Top
Subj: Cowboy
Poetry - Women's Underwear (S432b, S778)
From: Dickschu on 5/9/2005
and
From: virv on 12/6/2011
I ain't much for shopping,
Nor even goin' into town -
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't too easily found.
But the day came when I had to
go
And I left the kids with ma.
But before I left she asked
me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"
Without thinkin' I said "Sure,"
How tough could that job be?
I bent down and kissed her
And said, "I'll be back by three"
Well, when I done the things
I needed,
I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing,
I was working up a sweat.
I crossed the street to the ladies
shop
With my hat pulled over my eyes,
I wasn't takin' any chances
On bein' recognized.
I walked up to the sales clerk
-
I didn't hem or haw -
I told the lady right straight
out,
"Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra."
From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
At least fifteen women in the
store
And they's all a'gawkin' at
me!
"What kind would you be looking
for?
"Well," I just scratched my
head.
I'd only seen one kind before
"Thought bras was bras," I said.
She gives me a disgusted look,
"Well sir, that's where you're
wrong.
"Come with me," I heard her
say,
And like a dog, I tagged along.
She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
Well, I thought my jaw'd hit
the floor
When I seen that lingerie.
They had all these different
styles
That I'd not seen before
I thought that I'd go crazy
'fore I left that women's store.
They had bras you wear for eighteen
hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and
separate,
And that was just the start.
They had bras that made you feel
Like you weren't wearing one
at all,
And bras that you can train
in
When you start off when you're
small.
Well, I finally make my mind
up -
Picked a black and lacy one
-
I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
And figured I was done
But then she asked me for the
size.
I didn't hesitate.
I knew them measurements by
heart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths."
"Six and seven eighths, well
sir,
That really isn't right."
"Oh, yes ma'am! Yeah, I'm positive,
I just measured them last night."
I thought that she'd go into
shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's
bust
Was the same as my hat size.
"That's what I used to measure
with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry
ma'am."
This drew another stare.
By now a crowd had gathered
And they's all crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my
hat,
To measure for the cup.
When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good
day."
My wife heard the whole story
'fore I ever made it home.
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who'd called her on the phone.
She was still a-laughing
But by then I didn't care.
Now she don't ask and I don't
shop
For no more women's underwear.
Author Unknown
..Top
| Subj:
Mostly Rodeo Accidents (S590b, S793)
From: edapsmas on 5/5/2008 and From: virv on 3/25/2012 |
 |
You can view this short movie
of accidents with animals
at the above source, or on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
..Top
Subj: Two
Cowpokes And The Indian Head (S383b)
From: mrx on 5/25/2004
Back in the old Wild West, there
were two blond cowpokes,
Jeff and Dave. One day,
the two were enjoying a strong
sasparilla in the local
saloon, when a man walked into the
bar with an Indian's head under
his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and
says, "I hate Indians; last
week the bastards burnt my barn
to the ground, assaulted
my wife and killed my children."
He then says, "If any man
brings me the head of an Indian,
I'll give him one thousand
dollars."
The two blonds looked at each
other and walked out of the
bar to go hunting for an Indian.
They were walking around
for a while when suddenly they
saw one; Jeff threw a rock
which hit the Indian right on
the head. The Indian fell off
his horse, but landed seventy
feet down a ravine. The two
nuts made their way down the
ravine where Dave pulled out
a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take
a look at this." Dave
replied, "Not now, I'm busy."
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder
and says, "I really think
you should look at this."
Dave said, "Look, you can see
I'm busy. There's a
thousand dollars in my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."
So Dave looked up and saw that
standing at the top of the
ravine were five thousand red
Indians. Dave just shook his
head and said, "Oh... my...
God... we're going to be
millionaires!"
..Top
Subj: Top
30 Things A Texan Will Never Say (S359b)
From: ICohen on 12/17/2003
30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won't fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
26. We don't keep firearms in this house.
25. You can't feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
23. Wrestling is fake.
22. We're vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor
15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
12. The tires on that truck are too big.
11. I've got it all on the C: drive.
10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
9. My fianc??, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
7. Checkmate.
6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
4. I don't have a favorite college football team.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be
a little longer, Betty Mae.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A TEXAN SAY:
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving.
..Top
 |
Subj:
Gunslinger Supreme (S600b)
From:LABLaughsClean on 7/7/2008 Photo from YouTube.com |
This gunslinger is using a post
Civil War type single-action
revolver... like John Wayne
used in all those various Westerns.
The hammer has to be cocked back BEFORE each shot!
Cocked back manually!
That's why he has the glove on
the other hand,
as he is "fanning the hammer"...
I have seen "Cowboy Shooting"
and "Fast Draw"
(both certified shooting sports)
experts before,
but never, ever anything like
this! He is not only
FAST... but he is accurate.
And since he obviously is strictly
"point shooting"
(i.e., not using sights), can
you imagine the amount
of practice that he had to have
performed to
attain this degree of "instinctive"
shooting???
Wow... I must have watched this ten times.
You can see this short movie
at the above source, or
on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
..Top
Subj: Three
Men At The Urinals (S326b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/17/2003
(Also see 'Pissing At Urnal'
in Soldier2)
In the men's bathroom, an accountant,
a lawyer and a
cowboy were standing side-by-side
using the urinal.
The accountant finished, zipped
up and started washing
and literally scrubbing his
hands...clear up to his
elbows. He used 20 paper
towels before he finished. He
turned to the other two men
and commented, "I graduated
from the University of Michigan
and they taught us to
be clean."
The lawyer finished, zipped up
and quickly wet the tips
of his fingers, grabbed one
paper towel and commented,
"I graduated from the University
of California and they
taught us to be environmentally
conscious."
The cowboy zipped up and as he
was walking out the door
said, "I graduated from Texas
Tech University and they
taught us not to piss on our
hands.
..Top
Subj: Cowboy
Poetry (S310b)
From: truhland on 1/13/2003
Jake, the rancher, went one day
to fix a distant fence.
The wind was cold and gusty
and the clouds rolled gray
and dense.
As he pounded the last staples
in and gathered tools to go,
The temperature had fallen,
the wind and snow began to blow.
When he finally reached his pickup,
he felt a heavy heart.
From the sound of that ignition,
he knew it wouldn't start.
So Jake did what most of us would
do if we had been there.
He humbly bowed his balding
head and sent aloft a prayer.
As he turned the key for the
last time, he softly cursed
his luck.
They found him three days later,
frozen stiff in that old truck.
Now Jake had been around in life
and done his share of roaming.
But when he saw Heaven, he was
shocked, it looked just
like Wyoming!
Of all the saints in Heaven,
his favorite was St. Peter.
(Now, this line ain't needed
but it helps with rhyme and meter)
So they set and talked a minute
or two, or maybe it was three.
Nobody was keeping' score --
in Heaven time is free.
"I've always heard," Jake said
to Pete, "that God will answer prayer,
But one time I asked for help,
well, he just plain wasn't there."
"Does God answer prayers of some,
and ignore the prayers of others?
That don't seem exactly square
-- I know all men are brothers."
"Or does he randomly reply, without
good rhyme or reason?
Maybe, it's the time of day,
the weather or the season."
"Now I ain't trying to act smart,
it's just the way I feel.
And I was wondering', could
you tell me -- what the heck's
the deal?!"
Peter listened very patiently
and when Jake was done,
There were smiles of recognition,
and he said, "So, you're
the one!!"
"That day your truck, it wouldn't
start, ? you sent your
prayer a flying,
You gave us all a real bad time,
with hundreds of us trying."
"A thousand angels rushed, to
check the status of your file,
But you know, Jake, we hadn't
heard from you in quite
a long while."
"And though all prayers are answered,
and God ain't got no quota,
He didn't recognize your voice,
and started a truck in Minnesota."
BETTER KEEP IN TOUCH!
..Top
(S677b)
by John Graziano (in College1) From: Comics.com on 12/30/2009 |
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..Top
Subj: Old
West Phrases (S486b)
From: gattica30 on 5/9/2006
Top Ten Old West Phrases That
Will Never Sound
The Same After That Damned
Gay Cowboy Movie
1. "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"
2. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"
3. "Don't fret---I've been in tight spots before."
4. "Howdy, pardner."
5. You stay here while I sneak around from behind."
6. Two words: "Saddle Sore."
7. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like"
8. "Let's mount up!"
9. "Nice spread ya got there!"
10. "Ride'em cowboy!"
..Top
Subj: The
General And The Indian Scout (S453)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/21/2005
An old Wild West fort is about
to be attacked. The wily
old General sends for his trusty
Indian Scout.
"Scout, you must use all your
thirty years of skills for
me and try to estimate the sort
of army we are up against
here."
The trusty Indian Scout lays
down and puts his ear to the
ground.
"Heap large war party," he says,
"maybe three hundred braves,
four chiefs, two on black stallions,
two on white stallions.
All have war paint. Many,
many guns! Medicine man also with
them."
"Good grief!" exclaims the General,
"you can tell all of
that just by listening to the
ground?"
"NO," replied the Indian. . .
"I can see under the gate."
..Top
Subj: Blonde
Cowboy (S436b)
From: Dickschu on 5/30/2005
The Sheriff in a small town walks
out in the street and sees
a blonde cowboy coming down
the walk with nothing on but his
cowboy hat, gun and his boots,
so he arrests him for indecent
exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks
"Why in the world are you
only wearing your gun, hat and
boots?"
The Cowboy says "Well it's like
this Sheriff... I was in the
bar down the road and this pretty
little red head asks me to
go out to her motor home with
her ... so I did. We go inside
and she pulls off her top and
asks me to pull off my shirt..
so I did. Then she pulls
off her skirt and asks me to pull
off my pants...so I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and
asks me to pull off my shorts...so
I did. "Then she gets on
the bed and looks at me kind
of sexy and says, "Now go to
town cowboy... "
..
Subj: More
Short Cowboy Jokes
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Subj:
Rare Pictures Of The Old Wild West (S799)
From: tom on 5/6/2012 . Quotation from LegendsOf America.com |
| Subj:
A Cowboy's Headstone (S658 in Epitaphs)
From: allenbergman on 8/19/2009 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Bizarro Cartoon (S641b)
By Dan Piraro From: WashingtonPost.com on 4/21/2009 |
| Subj:
Great TV Cowboys (S605b)
From: darrellvip on 8/11/2008 |
 |
Top
Subj: Why
Cowboys Live So Long (S427b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/6/2005
A tough old cowboy once counseled
his grandson that if he
wanted to live a long life,
the secret was to sprinkle a
pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal
every morning.
The grandson did this religiously
and lived to the age of
110. He left 4 children, 20
grand-children, 30
great-grandchildren, 10
great-great-grand-children and a
fifty-foot hole where the crematorium
used to be.
 |
Subj:
Song "But I Could Be Wrong" (S583c in Music-Supp)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/20/2008 Photo from YouTube |
| Subj:
Rodeo Teeter-Totter (S560b, S783)
From: darrellvip on 10/11/2007 and From: sam.hutkins on 1/4/2012 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Davy Crockett At The Alamo (S551)
From: ginafm on 8/7/2007 Photo from Mrs. McGowan's First Grade |
As the three gazed at the hordes
of Mexicans moving steadily
towards them, Davy turned to
Bowie with a puzzled look on his
face and asked, "Jim . . .are
we landscaping today?"
| Subj:
Brokeback Mountain2 (S482)
From: darrell94590 on 4/17/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Bull Riding - Cartoon (S444)
From: darrell94590 on 7/22/2005 |
| Subj:
Second Texas Limo (S436b)
From: darrell94590 on 6/1/2005 |
 |
Top
From: virv on 1/23/2012 (S787)
Source: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/john_wayne.html
"Life's tough... It's even tougher
if you're stupid."
-- John Wayne
From: igiggle on 5/19/2004 (S381b)
Q: Who wears a black mask and
always smells great?
A: The Cologne Ranger.
..
.
...........................
..Cowboy
Smiley from Smiley_Central.
.
.
