Subj: Dentist Jokes
(Includes 25 jokes and articles, 18853,9,cf,md4,6)
Also see ELDERLY4 file- 'Dentist
In Same High School Class'
GOLF3 file - 'Golfer Needs Dentures'
MARRIAGE6 - 'Matt Gets Part In School Play'
MOVIES_ETC-SU- 'A Few Good Dentists'
POLICE1 file - 'CHP Stops Fred'
SCHOOL1 file - 'High-Stakes Testing'
SCHOOL-SUPP3 - 'Selling Toothbrushs'
Why Engineers Shouldn't Babysit... (S741d)
My son wanted to pull out his
tooth his way with a rocket.
Click on the above source, or 'HERE' for my copy, to see
this silly, home-made video.
Subj: Speaker Forgets His Dentures (S130, S622)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 7/26/99
and From: LABLaughsClean on 12/9/2008
A dinner speaker was in such
a hurry to get to his engagement
that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he
suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."
The man said, "No problem."
With that, he reached into his
pocket and pulled out a pair
of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken back at
all. He then said, "I have
one more pair of false teeth... try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."
With that he ate his meal and
gave his address. After the
dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the
man who had helped him.
"I want to thank you for coming
to my aid. Where is your
office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."
Dentist Negotiation (S777)
From: AFine963 on 11/28/2011
Photo from YouTube.com...
Click on either source, or 'HERE'
for my copy, to see
this low quality video of a cute joke.
Subj: Scotsman Goes To The Dentist (S375, S546b)
From: JBCARY1 on 3/29/2004
and From: SCOTCOB on 6/28/2007
(Also see 'Dentist Negotiation' above)
A Scotsman goes to the dentist
and asks how much the dentist
charges for a tooth extraction.
"$85 for an extraction, sir," was the dentist's reply.
"Och, huv yer no got anythin' cheaper?" replies the Scotsman.
"But that's the normal charge
for an extraction, sir" said
"What about if yer din't use
any anesthetic?" asked the
"Well it's highly unusual sir,
but if that's what you want, I
suppose I can do it for $70," said the dentist.
"Hmmmm, what about if yer used
one of your dentist trainees
and still without anesthetic," asked the Scotsman.
"Well it's possible but they
are only training and I can't
guarantee their level of professionalism and it may be a
lot more painful. I suppose in that case, we can bring the
price down to, say, $40," said the dentist.
"Och, that's still a wee bit
much, how about if yer make it
a trainin' session and have yer student do the extraction
and the other students watchin' and learnin," said the
"Hmmmmm, well OK, it'll be good
for the students, I suppose.
I'll charge you only $5 in that case," said the dentist.
"Och, now yer talkin' laddie!
It's a deal," said the Scotsman.
"Can yer confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday, then?"
The Dentist (S562d)
From: rfslick on 10/24/2007
In this 6,000 KB video from the
Carol Burnett Show, Tim
Conway is the dentist and Harvey Corman the patient. Harney
could not keep a straight face in this very funny clip.
You can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: No Dentist Left Behind (S547c)
From: jmdillow on 7/6/2007
My dentist is great! He
sends me reminders so I don't forget
checkups. He uses the latest techniques based on research.
He never hurts me, and I have all my teeth.
When I ran into him the other
day, I was eager to see if he'd
heard about the new state program. I knew he'd think it was
"Did you hear about the new state
program to measure effective-
ness of dentists with their young patients?" I said.
"No," he said. He didn't
seem too thrilled. "How will they
"It's quite simple," I said.
"They will just count the number
of cavities each patient has at age 10, 14, and 18 and average
that to determine a dentist's rating. Dentists will be rated
as excellent, good, average, below average, and unsatisfactory.
That way parents will know which are the best dentists. The
plan will also encourage the less effective dentists to get
better," I said. "Poor dentists who don't improve could lose
their licenses to practice."
"That's terrible," he said.
"What? That's not a good
attitude," I said. "Don't you
think we should try.
"Sure I do," he said, "but that's
not a fair way to determine
who is practicing good dentistry."
"Why not?" I said. "It makes perfect sense to me."
"Well, it's so obvious," he said.
"Don't you see that
dentists don't all work with the same clientele, and that
much depends on things we can't control? For example, I
work in a rural area with a high percentage of patients
from deprived homes, while some of my colleagues work in
upper middle-class neighborhoods. Many of the parents I
work with don't bring their children to see me until there
is some kind of problem, and I don't get to do much
Also, many of the parents I serve
let their kids eat way
too much candy from an early age, unlike more educated
parents who understand the relationship between sugar and
decay. To top it all off, so many of my clients have
well water which is untreated and has no fluoride in it.
Do you have any idea how much difference early use of
fluoride can make?"
"It sounds like you're making
excuses," I said. "I can't
believe that you, my dentist, would be so defensive.
After all, you do a great job, and you needn't fear a
"I am not being defensive!" he
said. "My best patients
are as good as anyone's, my work is as good as anyone's,
but my average cavity count is going to be higher than
a lot of other dentists because I chose to work where I
am needed most."
"Don't' get touchy," I said.
"Touchy?" he said. His
face had turned red, and from
the way he was clenching and unclenching his jaws, I
was afraid he was going to damage his teeth. "Try
furious! In a system like this, I will end up being
rated average, below average, or worse. The few
educated patients I have who see these ratings may
believe this so-called rating is an actual measure of
my ability and proficiency as a dentist. They may
leave me, and I'll be left with only the most needy
patients. And my cavity average score will get even
worse. On top of that, how will I attract good dental
hygienists and other excellent dentists to my practice
if it is labeled below average?"
"I think you are overreacting,"
I said. "'Complaining,
excuse-making and stonewalling won't improve dental
health'... I am quoting from a leading member of the
DOC," I noted.
"What's the DOC?" he asked.
"It's the Dental Oversight Committee,"
I said, "a
group made up of mostly lay persons to make sure
dentistry in this state gets improved"
"Spare me," he said, "I can't
believe this. Reasonable
people won't buy it," he said hopefully.
The program sounded reasonable
to me, so I asked, "How
else would you measure good dentistry?"
"Come watch me work," he said. "Observe my processes."
"That's too complicated, expensive
I said. "Cavities are the bottom line, and you can't
argue with the bottom line. It's an absolute measure."
"That's what I'm afraid my parents
patients will think. This can't be happening," he
"Now, now," I said, "don't despair.
The state will
help you some."
"How?" he asked.
"If you receive a poor rating,
they'll send a dentist
who is rated excellent to help straighten you out," I
"You mean," he said, "they'll
send a dentist with a
wealthy clientele to show me how to work on severe
juvenile dental problems with which I have probably
had much more experience? BIG HELP!"
"There you go again," I said.
"You aren't acting
professionally at all."
"You don't get it," he said.
"Doing this would be
like grading schools and teachers on an average score
made on a test of children's progress with no regard
to influences outside the school, the home, the
community served and stuff like that. Why would
they do something so unfair to dentists? No one
would ever think of doing that to schools."
Just maybe this will help you
educators resent the recent federal NO CHILD LEFT
Subj: How To Make Surgical Gloves (S170, S378)
From: thebartend on 5/2/00
and From: DoctorDebt on 4/21/2004
A dentist was getting ready to
clean an elderly lady's teeth.
He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell
her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
She said, "No?"
"Well", he spoofed, "down in
Mexico they have this big
building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers
are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks
up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for
a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their
hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the
big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over
And she didn't laugh a bit!!!
Five minutes later, during the
procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst
The old woman blushed and exclaimed,
"I just suddenly thought
about how they must make condoms!"
Subj: Man Goes To Dentist For Toothache (S416b)
From: jerry 1/17/2005
| THIS is the skull
Patrick Lawler - complete with
a 4in nail he did not even know
was inside it.
Amazingly, Patrick, 23, didn’t
| Patrick, who also
blurred vision after the
incident in Breckenridge,
Colorado, spent six days in
pain despite using ice and
painkillers - and eating ice
cream to ease the swelling.
Finally he went to a dentist’s
Patrick was allowed home after
Subj: Dentist Makes A New Upper Plate (S151, DU)
From: DVR on 12/23/1999
A man goes to his dentist because
he feels something wrong
in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new
upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What
have you been eating?"
The man replies, "All I can think
of is that about four
months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on
it that was delicious... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so
much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish,
"Well," says the dentist, "that's
probably the problem.
Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is
highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll
make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient.
To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows
that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
Subj: Dentist And A Girl Meet At A Bar (S100, S853)
From: From: auntiegah on 3/25/2003
and From: tom on 5/18/2013
A guy and a girl met at a bar.
They started getting along
really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a
A few drinks later, the guy took
off his shirt and washed
He then took off his socks and washed his hands.
The girl looked at him and says: 'You must be a dentist!'
Flabergasted, the guy responded
'Yes, that's amazing
how did you figure that out ?'
The girl said: 'Easy .... you keep washing your hands'
One thing led to another, they
migrated to the bed and
things became more passionate. After they were done,
the girl said: 'You must be a GREAT dentist!'
The guy was very very surprised,
and said 'Yes, I sure
am a great dentist ... How did you figure that out??'
The girl said: 'Easy ... I didn't feel a thing'
Subj: Short Dentist Jokes
Garfield Comic Strip (S836)
By Jim Davis
From: WashingtonPost.com on 1/1/2013
Subj: Buddhist Has Root Canal (S261, S610c)
From: KMacinty on 7/22/99
and From: hellgunner50 on 9/16/2008
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend
Subj: Shoe Comic Strip (S780)
By Chris Cassatt and Gary Brookins
From: WashingtonPost.com on 12/28/2011
Subj: A Riddle (S129b, S382)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #99 on 98-04-21
I dig out tiny caves, and store gold and silver in them. I
also build bridges of silver and make crowns of gold. They
are the smallest you could imagine. Sooner or later every-
body needs my help, yet many people are afraid to let me
help them. Who am I?
Answer backwards: tsitneD A
Frank And Ernest Comic Strip (DU)
By Bob Thaves
From: WashingtonPost.com on 2/2/2009
Subj: Dentist Tells Woman Of Cavity (S317b)
From: Joke-of-the-day.com on 2/24/2003
This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is
through examining her he says "I am sorry to tell you this,
but I am going to have to drill that tooth."
The woman then says "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!"
To which the dentist replies
"Make up your mind, I have
to adjust the chair."
Quite A Root On That Tooth (S571c)
From: darrellvip on 12/29/2007
You can view this cute, dirty cartoon on my
web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Daughter's First Time At The Dentist (S612b)
From: tom on 9/28/2008
For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey
was coming to my office to have me, a dental hygienist,
clean her teeth. She was accompanied by her grand-mother.
When they came in, I greeted
them warmly, seated Kelsey
and, as usual, put on my gloves, goggles and mask. About
ten minutes into the procedure, she got scared and cried,
'I want my mommy!'
I quickly pulled off my mask and said, 'I am your mommy.'
Without hesitating, my daughter
'Then I want my granny!'
Subj: Mouse Brushing
From: rickydwyman on 2/18/2006
Gil: What time do most people
go to the denstist?
Jill: I don't know. What time?
Gil: At tooth-hurty!
An old statute in Flint, MI,
dentists to offer a
“slug of whiskey with no additional charge to said patient.”
From: ICohen on 3/13/2001 (S215)
Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least 6
feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting
from the flush.
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/25/2004
(S410b in epitaphs)
At: The New York Times
Stranger, tread this ground with gravity
Dentist Brown is filling his his cavity
Q: What time is it when a chinaman
goes to the dentist?
A: Tooth Hurtee
Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily Dirty
Joke For 3/14/97
Q: What do you call a gay dentist?
A: A tooth fairy.
From: szalay on 1/30/2003 (S313b)
Q: Where was the toothbrush invented?
A: Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else,
it would have been called a teethbrush.
.............................Smiley at the Dentists from Smiley_Central