>>> Subj:     Dentist Jokes (Gz)                  (Includes 19 jokes and articles)

Teeth from Animation Factory

Also see ELDERLY4 file- 'Dentist In Same High School Class'
         GOLF3 file   - 'Golfer Needs Dentures'
         MARRIAGE6    - 'Matt Gets Part In School Play'
         MOVIES_ETC-SU- 'A Few Good Dentists'
         POLICE1 file - 'CHP Stops Fred'
         SCHOOL1 file - 'High-Stakes Testing'
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Subj:     The Dentist (S562)           From: rfslick on 10/24/2007 .

 In this 6,000 KB movie Tim Conway is the dentist. Harvey Corman
 just could not keep a straight face in this very funny movie.
 You can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     No Dentist Left Behind (S547c)
          From: jmdillow on 7/6/2007

 My dentist is great!  He sends me reminders so I don't forget
 checkups.  He uses the latest techniques based on research.
 He never hurts me, and I have all my teeth.

 When I ran into him the other day, I was eager to see if he'd
 heard about the new state program.  I knew he'd think it was
 great.

 "Did you hear about the new state program to measure effective-
 ness of dentists with their young patients?" I said.

 "No," he said.  He didn't seem too thrilled. "How will they
 do that?"

 "It's quite simple," I said. "They will just count the number
 of cavities each patient has at age 10, 14, and 18 and average
 that to determine a dentist's rating.  Dentists will be rated
 as excellent, good, average, below average, and unsatisfactory.
 That way parents will know which are the best dentists.  The
 plan will also encourage the less effective dentists to get
 better," I said. "Poor dentists who don't improve could lose
 their licenses to practice."

 "That's terrible," he said.

 "What?  That's not a good attitude," I said.  "Don't you
 think we should try.

 "Sure I do," he said, "but that's not a fair way to determine
 who is practicing good dentistry."

 "Why not?" I said. "It makes perfect sense to me."

 "Well, it's so obvious," he said. "Don't you see that
 dentists don't all work with the same clientele, and that
 much depends on things we can't control?  For example, I
 work in a rural area with a high percentage of patients
 from deprived homes, while some of my colleagues work in
 upper middle-class neighborhoods.  Many of the parents I
 work with don't bring their children to see me until there
 is some kind of problem, and I don't get to do much
 preventive work.

 Also, many of the parents I serve let their kids eat way
 too much candy from an early age, unlike more educated
 parents who understand the relationship between sugar and
 decay.  To top it all off, so many of my clients have
 well water which is untreated and has no fluoride in it.
 Do you have any idea how much difference early use of
 fluoride can make?"

 "It sounds like you're making excuses," I said. "I can't
 believe that you, my dentist, would be so defensive.
 After all, you do a great job, and you needn't fear a
 little accountability."

 "I am not being defensive!" he said.  "My best patients
 are as good as anyone's, my work is as good as anyone's,
 but my average cavity count is going to be higher than
 a lot of other dentists because I chose to work where I
 am needed most."

 "Don't' get touchy," I said.

 "Touchy?" he said.  His face had turned red, and from
 the way he was clenching and unclenching his jaws, I
 was afraid he was going to damage his teeth.  "Try
 furious!  In a system like this, I will end up being
 rated average, below average, or worse.  The few
 educated patients I have who see these ratings may
 believe this so-called rating is an actual measure of
 my ability and proficiency as a dentist.  They may
 leave me, and I'll be left with only the most needy
 patients.  And my cavity average score will get even
 worse.  On top of that, how will I attract good dental
 hygienists and other excellent dentists to my practice
 if it is labeled below average?"

 "I think you are overreacting," I said. "'Complaining,
 excuse-making and stonewalling won't improve dental
 health'... I am quoting from a leading member of the
 DOC," I noted.

 "What's the DOC?" he asked.

 "It's the Dental Oversight Committee," I said, "a
 group made up of mostly lay persons to make sure
 dentistry in this state gets improved"

 "Spare me," he said, "I can't believe this.  Reasonable
 people won't buy it," he said hopefully.

 The program sounded reasonable to me, so I asked, "How
 else would you measure good dentistry?"

 "Come watch me work," he said. "Observe my processes."

 "That's too complicated, expensive and time-consuming,"
 I said.  "Cavities are the bottom line, and you can't
 argue with the bottom line.  It's an absolute measure."

 "That's what I'm afraid my parents and prospective
 patients will think.  This can't be happening," he
 said despairingly.

 "Now, now," I said, "don't despair.  The state will
 help you some."

 "How?" he asked.

 "If you receive a poor rating, they'll send a dentist
 who is rated excellent to help straighten you out," I
 said brightly.

 "You mean," he said, "they'll send a dentist with a
 wealthy clientele to show me how to work on severe
 juvenile dental problems with which I have probably
 had much more experience? BIG HELP!"

 "There you go again," I said.  "You aren't acting
 professionally at all."

 "You don't get it," he said.  "Doing this would be
 like grading schools and teachers on an average score
 made on a test of children's progress with no regard
 to influences outside the school, the home, the
 community served and stuff like that.  Why would
 they do something so unfair to dentists?  No one
 would ever think of doing that to schools."
 

 Just maybe this will help you understand why
 educators resent the recent federal NO CHILD LEFT
 BEHIND ACT.

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Subj:     Scotsman Goes To The Dentist (S375, S546b)
          From: JBCARY1 on 3/29/2004
      and From: SCOTCOB on 6/28/2007

 A Scotsman goes to the dentist and asks how much the dentist
 charges for a tooth extraction.

 "$85 for an extraction, sir," was the dentist's reply.

 "Och, huv yer no got anythin' cheaper?" replies the Scotsman.

 "But that's the normal charge for an extraction, sir" said
 the dentist.

 "What about if yer din't use any anesthetic?" asked the
 Scotsman hopefully.

 "Well it's highly unusual sir, but if that's what you want, I
 suppose I can do it for $70," said the dentist.

 "Hmmmm, what about if yer used one of your dentist trainees
 and still without anesthetic," asked the Scotsman.

 "Well it's possible but they are only training and I can't
 guarantee their level of professionalism and it may be a
 lot more painful.  I suppose in that case, we can bring the
 price down to, say, $40," said the dentist.

 "Och, that's still a wee bit much, how about if yer make it
 a trainin' session and have yer student do the extraction
 and the other students watchin' and learnin," said the
 Scotsman hopefully.

 "Hmmmmm, well OK, it'll be good for the students, I suppose.
 I'll charge you only $5 in that case," said the dentist.

 "Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman.
 "Can yer confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday, then?"

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Subj:     How To Make Surgical Gloves (S170, S378)
          From: thebartend on 5/2/00
      and From: DoctorDebt on 4/21/2004

 A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth.
 He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell
 her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...

 "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"

 She said, "No?"

 "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big
 building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers
 are all picked according to hand size.  Each individual walks
 up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for
 a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their
 hands!  Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the
 big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over
 again."

 And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the
 procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst
 out laughing.

 The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought
 about how they must make condoms!"

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Subj:     Man Goes To Dentist For Toothache (S416b)
          From: jerry 1/17/2005
          At: http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005022450,00.html
 

THIS is the skull of builder  Patrick Lawler — complete with  a 4in nail he did not even know  was inside it.  Amazingly, Patrick, 23, didn’t  realise he had shot himself with  a nail gun while working.  The  accident left him with what he  thought was a minor toothache.

Patrick, who also suffered  blurred vision after the  incident in Breckenridge,  Colorado, spent six days in  pain despite using ice and  painkillers — and eating ice  cream to ease the swelling.  Finally he went to a dentist’s  surgery where wife Katerina  worked and the nail was found,  lodged 4cm into his brain.  Patrick was allowed home after  surgery.

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Subj:     Dentist Makes A New Upper Plate (S151)
          From: DVR on 12/23/1999

 A man goes to his dentist because he feels something wrong
 in his mouth.  The dentist examines him and says, "that new
 upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding.  What
 have you been eating?"

 The man replies,    "all I can think of is that about four
 months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on
 it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce.  I loved it so
 much I now put it on everything  --- meat, toast, fish,
 vegetables, everything."

 "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
 Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is
 highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate.  I'll
 make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."

 "Why chrome?"  Asks the patient.

 To which the dentist replies, "It's simple.  Everyone knows
 that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

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Subj:     Speaker Forgets His Dentures (S130)
          From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 7/26/99

 A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement
 that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he
 suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
 Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."

 The man said, "No problem."

 With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair
 of false teeth.  "Try these," he said.

 The speaker tried them.  "Too loose," he said.

 The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."

 The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

 The man was not taken back at all.  He then said, "I have
 one more pair of false teeth... try them."

 The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."

 With that he ate his meal and gave his address.  After the
 dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the
 man who had helped him.

 "I want to thank you for coming to my aid.  Where is your
 office?  I've been looking for a good dentist."

 The man replied, "I'm not a dentist.  I'm the local undertaker."

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Subj:     Dentist And A Girl Meet At A Bar (S100, S321)
          From: The Bartenders Joke of the day on 10/31/97
      and From: auntiegah on 3/25/2003

 A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along
 really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a
 drink.

 A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed
 his hands.

 He then took off his socks and washed his hands.

 The girl looked at him and says: 'You must be a dentist!'

 Flabergasted, the guy responded 'Yes, that's amazing
 how did you figure that out ?'

 The girl said: 'Easy .... you keep washing your hands'

 One thing led to another, they migrated to the bed and
 things became more passionate.  After they were done,
 the girl said: 'You must be a GREAT dentist!'

 The guy was very very surprised, and said 'Yes, I sure
 am a great dentist ... How did you figure that out??'

 The girl said: 'Easy ... I didn't feel a thing'

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Subj:     Short Dentist Jokes

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Subj:     Quite A Root On That Tooth (S571c)           From: darrellvip on 12/29/2007  You can view this cute, dirty cartoon on my  web site by clicking 'HERE'.

Top
Subj:     Mouse Brushing
          From: rickydwyman on 2/18/2006
 

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Subj:     Dentist Tells Woman Of Cavity (S317b)
          From: Joke-of-the-day.com on 2/24/2003
 This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is
 through examining her he says "I am sorry to tell you this,
 but I am going to have to drill that tooth."

 The woman then says "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!"

 To which the dentist replies "Make up your mind, I have
 to adjust the chair."
 

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Subj:     A Riddle (S129b, S382)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #99 on 98-04-21
 I dig out tiny caves, and store gold and silver in them. I
 also build bridges of silver and make crowns of gold. They
 are the smallest you could imagine. Sooner or later every-
 body needs my help, yet many people are afraid to let me
 help them. Who am I?

 Answer backwards: tsitneD A

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Subj:     Buddist Has Root Canal (S261)
          From: KMacinty on 7/22/99
      and From: jdillow on 1/28/2002
 Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's
 Novocain during root canal work?  He wanted to transcend
 dental medication.
 

 Gil: What time do most people go to the denstist?
 Jill: I don't know. What time?
 Gil: At tooth-hurty!

 An old statute in Flint, MI, compels dentists to offer a
 “slug of whiskey with no additional charge to said patient.”

From: ICohen on 3/13/2001 (S215)
 Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least 6
 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting
 from the flush.

From: LABLaughsClean on 11/25/2004 (S410b in epitaphs)
At: The New York Times
 Stranger, tread this ground with gravity
 Dentist Brown is filling his his cavity
 

 Q: What time is it when a chinaman goes to the dentist?
 A: Tooth Hurtee

Neal's Nasty Free Filthy Daily Dirty Joke For 3/14/97
 Q: What do you call a gay dentist?
 A: A tooth fairy.

From: szalay on 1/30/2003 (S313b)
 Q: Where was the toothbrush invented?
 A: Arkansas.  If it were invented anywhere else,
    it would have been called a teethbrush.

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Smiley at the Dentists from Smiley_Central

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