(Includes 15 jokes and articles)
Gears from
AGAG Animation Gallery
| Subj:
Engineer1 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 15 jokes and articles) |
|
Gears from AGAG Animation Gallery |
Also see BANKING SUPP - '3M
- Security Glass'
BAR-SUPP - 'Drinks
After
Mining Accident'
BIRDS_CHICKEN- 'FAA Test'
BREASTS file - 'Hardening
Of The Nipples'
CARS2 file - 'Car
Won't Start After Buying Vanilla Ice Cream'
CARSMURPHY - 'Murphy's
Laws Applied To Cars'
COLLEGE2 file- 'The
College Graduate'
COMPUTERS3 - 'Man
In Hot Air Balloon Is Lost'
......................-
'Three
Computer People Have A Car Proble'
DOG1 file - 'Who's
Dog Is Better'
FACTS2 file - 'Lighting
Charcoal'
GOLF2 file - 'The
Blind Play Golf'
HALLOWEEN - 'Pumpkin
Pie'
HELL file - 'Engineer
Goes To Hell'
HUNTING-CMPNG- 'Three
Hunters Caught In A Snowstorm'
JOBS2 file - 'Three
Men Apply For CEO Job'
KIDS5 file - 'Murphy's
Laws for Parents'
LAWS file - 'Murphy's
Law of Technology ? The Internet'
......................-
'Variations
On Murphy's Law' in NonJokes
LAWYER1 file - 'Lawyer
Astronaut'
MATH1 file - 'The
Mathematician, The Engineer, And The Hooker'
MATH2 file - 'The
Flagpole'
......................-
'Mathematician,
Engineer, And Physicist At A Fire'
MATH3 file - 'Formulas
For Work, Knowledge And Money'
PROGRAMMER - 'Programmer
And Engineer Bet On Plane'
......................-
'Soft
And Hard Engineers And Manager's Car Stops'
WORD JOKES1 - 'Indian
Gets Degree In Electrical Engineering'
PSYCHOLOGY - 'Three
Take Personality Test'
REDNECK3 file- 'Redneck
Engineering Exam'
SCIENCE1 file- 'Laws
In Science, Engineering, And Life'
SEX SUPP file- 'Sex Flow Chart'
STAR TREK ETC- 'NASA
Interviews Mars Astronauts'
STATISTICIAN - 'An
Engineer, A Physicist and A Statistician Answer'
STRANDED - 'Stranded
On Island With A Beautiful Woman'
ENGINEER1 contains jokes
ENGINEER2 and 3 contains oddities
and short jokes
============================================================Top
| Subj:
Guinness Book of Records (S589)
From: darrellvip on 5/1/2008 |
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If you would like to see the
world's records for the biggest
and the tallest, this PowerPoint
Show is wonderful. Click
'HERE'
to view it on my site.
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Subj:
The Water Wheel (S584)
From: ginafm on 3/29/2008 |
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| Subj:
Their Levees Vs Our Levees (S467)
From: darrell94590 on 12/29/2005 |
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To compare the levees of Britain,
Holland, Italy, and the USA
click 'HERE'.
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Subj: Architect,
Artist, And Engineer Discuss Women (S425b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 2/6/2002
(Also see 'Relative
Merits Of Wife Or Mistress' in MATH1)
The architect, the artist and
the engineer were discussing
whether it was better to spend
time with the wife or the
mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed
time with his wife, building
a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time
with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he
found there.
The engineer said, "I like both"
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have
a wife and a mistress, they
will both assume you are spending
time with the other
woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."
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Subj: Engineers
On A Train (S118)
From: JOELFALLON on 5/5/99
(See 'The
Bushes ? Clintons Ride A Train'
and 'Hiding
In The Train Bathroom' in TRAIN)
An EE/ME engineering convention
was being held. On the
train to the convention, there
were a bunch of electrical
engineering students and a bunch
of mechanical engineering
students. Each of the
mechanical majors had his or her
train ticket. The group
of electrical engineers had only
ONE ticket for all of them.
The ME's started laughing and
snickering.
One of the EE's yelled "Here
comes the conductor!!" and
then all of the EE's went into
the bathroom. The ME's
were baffled (as usual).
The conductor came aboard and
said "Tickets please!" and got
tickets from all the ME's.
He then went to the bathroom
and knocked on the door and
said "Ticket please..." and
the EE's stuck the ticket under
the door. The conductor
took it and then the electrical
engineers came out of the bathroom
a few minutes later.
The ME's felt really stupid
(rightfully so).
On the way back from the convention,
the group of ME's
bought only one ticket for the
whole bunch. They started
snickering at the EE's, for
the whole group had no tickets
amongst them.
The EE lookout called "Conductor
coming!". All the EE's
went to one bathroom.
All the ME's went to another bath-
room. Before the conductor
came on board, one of the EE's
left the bathroom, knocked on
the other bathroom, and said
"Ticket please!"
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Subj: God
Is An Engineer??
Three men sitting at a bar had
decided that god must have
been an engineer. The
first said he must have been a
mechanical engineer. Look
at man's joints, the structure,
how the body moves. This
only could be done by a mechanical
engineer.
The 2nd said god must have really
been an electrical engineer.
Look at the nervous system -
it is the most amazing electric
system that could only have
been developed by an electrical
engineer.
The 3rd said that god must have
been a civil engineer. The
other two looked at him wondering
why he would say something
so silly. Yeah, said the
3rd, only a civil engineer would
build a waste-disposal pipe
so close to a recreational facility.
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Subj: Doctor,
Chemist, And Engineer To Die (S152)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 12/29/1999
Once upon a time there lived
three men: a doctor, a chemist,
and an engineer. For some
reason all three offended the king
and were sentenced to die on
the same day.
The day of the execution arrived,
and the doctor was led up
to the guillotine. As
he strapped the doctor to the guillotine,
the executioner asked, "Head
up or head down?"
"Head up," said the doctor.
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised the
axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came
the blade--and stopped barely
an inch above the doctor's neck.
Well, the law stated that if
an execution didn't succeed the
first time the prisoner had
to be released, so the doctor was
set free.
Then the chemist was led up to
the guillotine. "Head up or
head down?" said the executioner.
"Head up," said the chemist.
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised his
axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came
the blade--and stopped an inch
above the chemist's neck. Well,
the law stated that if the execution
didn't succeed the first
time the prisoner had to be
released, so the chemist was set free.
Finally the engineer was led
up to the guillotine. "Head up or
head down?" asked the executioner.
"Head up."
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised his
axe, but before he could cut the
rope, the engineer yelled out,
"WAIT! I see what the problem is!"
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Subj: Engineering,
Physics ? Math Students In A Contest
An Engineering Student, a Physics
Student, and a Mathematics
student were each given $150
dollars and were told to use
that money to find out exactly
how tall a particular hotel
was.
All three ran off, extremely
keen on how to do this. The
Physics student went out, purchased
some stopwatches, a
number of ball bearings, a calculator,
and some friends.
He had them all time the drop
of ball bearings from the roof,
and he then figured out the
height from the time it took for
the bearings to accelerate from
rest until they impacted
with the sidewalk.
The Math student waited until
the sun was going down, then
she took out her protractor,
plumb line, measuring tape,and
scratch pad, measured the length
of the shadow, found the
angle the buildings roof made
from the ground, and used
trignometry to figure out the
height of the building.
These two students bumped into
the Engineering student the
next day, who was nursing a
really bad hangover. When
asked what he did to find the
height of the building he
replied: "Well, I walked up
to the bell hop, gave him 10
bucks, asked him how tall the
hotel was, and hit the bar
inside for happy hour!"
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Subj: Bridge-Tunnel
Picture (S429b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/20/2005
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20040207
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The bridge (or should it
be called tunnel) goes under water
to allow movement of ships.
In order for ships to pass,
this bridge is half under the
water. You drive down in the
water and then come out on the
other side. Truly a marvelous
piece of engineering!
This bridge is the Monitor-Merrimac
Memorial Bridge-Tunnel in Virginia,
at the James River.
I want to thank MikeChristo@BellSouth.net
for correcting
the location of this bridge.
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Subj: Electronic
Engineer's Girlfriend (S22)
From: Vegas Jokes Archive on 06/27/97
Yesterday afternoon my girlfriend
and I had lunch together.
Afterward, she accompanied me
back to work. I thought this
slightly unusual, since she
had never before expressed in
interest in my work (electronic
engineering), but it didn't
occur to me that she had something
planned.
We arrived at my workbench, where
I currently trying to
figure why the board on which
I am working is not performing
the way it is designed. "Is
this where you work?" she asked.
"At the moment," I replied.
I reached over to turn on the
scope, thereby completely
failing to notice the huge black
studded collar she had
produced from her purse.
Before I could blink (it's amazing
the speed at which she can do
this), she had locked the
collar snugly around my neck,
and locked the end of the
6 foot jack chain to the center
of the bench (where there
just happened to be a mounting
hole). I turned to her in
utter disbelief, mouth agape.
"I'll be back for you at five," she said.
"HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY WACKO!??!?!",
I yelled in a
hushed voice. "How am
I going to explain this!?!?!"
"You'll think of something", she said, "you always do".
"But suppose I have to go to the bathroom", I countered.
"Don't give me that", she hissed,
"I've seen you go a
whole day without visiting the
bathroom"
"But....," I tried to say.
"SHHH! The subject is closed. I'll be back at five. Bye"
She turned around and left, against
my hushed protests. I
sat in panic and tried to think
out my situation. I tried
to think of who might visit.
Most of my co-workers were friends
who knew that my girl-
friend and I were a bit odd,
so this shouldn't surprise
them. But I had *no* idea
what I was going to do if one
of my bosses came in.
I checked my watch to see how long
I would have to endure this
ignominy. 13:30 (I'm a
military time weenie).
"Three and a half hours," I thought.
I heaved a heavy
sigh, and got to work, such
as I could. As it happened,
three of my co-workers visited
for what-not. All of them
immediately noticed the collar
(it would be hard not to)
and asked if it was my girlfriend's
idea. I said yes.
They asked what I would do if
my supervisor saw it. I
told them I hadn't the faintest
idea.
One of the aforementioned colleagues
took the bench next
to me, and after a few remarks
(and a question as to
where he could get such a collar),
settled down to work
in silence.
After some time, I checked my
watch. 16:40. "Gee, I just
might make it through this after
all," I thought. I was
even beginning to get a handle
on the problem with the
board on which I was working.
Murphy must have been
standing right behind me, reading
my thoughts, for not
two minutes later one of my
bosses entered the room. And
not just any boss. Noooooooo.
This was Mr. Narrowminded
himself. This was the
guy who took Lifespring *and* became
a born-again fundamentalist.
How he came to have the power
of hire-and-fire over us is
one of the Great Mysteries of
The Universe. We avoided this
guy at all costs.
His eyes fell upon me immediately.
A few picoseconds later,
he saw the collar around my
neck in all it's splendor. "My
life is over," I thought.
I still hadn't thought of a plausible
explanation for this.
Mr Solderbrain (the name we
called him behind his back; a
corruption of his real name)
started to walk slowly and
deliberately over to me, his
eyes fixed on the collar.
Fifteen agonizing seconds later,
he was standing next to me.
I thought the guy sitting next
to me was going to have
seizures stifling all his giggles.
I continued to work,
acting as though there were
nothing the least bit unusual
about my predicament.
Finally, he spoke.
"What. the. HELL! is. THAT!?!?!" he said.
I don't know how I thought of
what I said. In fact, I'm
pretty sure I didn't know what
I was going to say until
I was saying it. I'm even
more amazed that Solderbrain
actually bought it and didn't
fire me on the spot.
I turned to face him calmly,
with total nonchalance,
exuding complete confidence
in what I was about to say,
even though I didn't know what
it was yet. I didn't
even miss a beat.
"Grounding strap," I said, and returned to work.
The guy next to me fell off his
chair and nearly died
laughing.
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Subj: Starting
Engineer's Salary
From: Amy's Humor Archive on 06/27/97
Let's Talk Benefits:
Reaching the end of a job interview,
the Human Resources
Person asked the young Engineer
fresh out of MIT, "And
what starting salary were you
looking for?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood
of $125,000 a year,
depending on the benefit's package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what
would you say to a package
of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid
holidays, full medical and
dental, company matching retirement
fund to 50% of salary,
and a company car leased every
2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight
and said, "Wow!!! Are you
kidding?" And the HR Person
replied, "Yeah, but you started
it."
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Subj: Engineering
Student Gets A New Bike (S273e)
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-05-22
and
From: RFSlick on 4/26/2002
Two engineering students meet on campus one day.
The first engineer calls out
to the other, "Hey -- Nice
bike! Where did you get
it?"
"Well," replies the other, "I
was walking to class the
other day when this pretty,
young coed rides up on this
bike. She jumps off, takes
off all of her clothes, and
says 'You can have ANYTHING
you want!!' "
"Good choice," says the first,
"her clothes wouldn't have
fit you anyway."
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Subj: Marry
Not An Engineer
From: Amy's Humor Archive on 06/27/97
================================================
(Purchased on a scroll during
the 1970's. According to the
scroll, this is reprinted from
the March 1943 Tau Beta Pi
COUNCIL Bulletin and the original
source is unknown. As
you can see, it is a bit dated.)
================================================
THE ENGINEER
Verily, I say unto you, marry
not an engineer for the
engineer is a strange being
possessed of many devils; yea,
he speaketh eternally in parables,
which he calleth
"formulas", and he wieldeth
a big stick which he calleth
a slide rule, and he hath but
one Bible-- a handbook.
He talketh always of stresses
and strains, and without
end of Thermodynamics.
He showeth always a serious aspect
and seemeth not to know how
to smile; and he picketh his
seat in the car by the springs
therein and not by the
damsel beside him; neither does
he know a waterfall except
for its power, nor the sunset
except for her specific heat.
Always he carieth his books with
him, and he entertaineth
his maiden with steam tables.
Verily though his damsel
expecteth chocolates, when he
calleth he openeth the pack-
ages to disclose samples of
iron.
Yea, he holdeth his damsel's
hand, but only to measure the
friction, and kisses but to
test viscosity. For in his
eyes shineth a faraway look
which is neither love nor
longing -- but a vain attempt
to recall a formula.
There is but one key dear to
his heart, and that is the
Tau Beta Pi key; and one love
letter for which he yearneth,
and that an "A"; and when to
his damsel he writeth of love
and signeth with crosses, mistake
not these symbols for
kisses but rather for unknown
quantities.
Even as a young boy he pulleth
a girl's hair to test its
elasticity, but as a man he
discovers different devices;
for he would count the vibrations
of her heart strings
and reckon her strength of materials;
for he seeketh
ever to pursue the scientific
investivations, and
inscribeth his passion in a
formula; and his marriage is
a simultaneous equation involving
unkunknowns and yielding
diverse answers.
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| Subj:
Skiing In United Arab Emirates
From: LABLaughsAdult (S474c in Skiing) on 2/7/2006 |
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If I hadn't seen these five photos,
I wouldn't have believed
it. It's best to view
these photos on my web site by clicking
'HERE'.
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Subj:
Dubai Skyscraper World's Tallest Building (S553b)
by Gulliver on July 30, 2007 From: LABLaughs.com on 8/22/2007 |
A skyscraper still under construction
in the oil rich Persian
Gulf state of Dubai has become
the world's tallest building.
You can see the picture and
read the article at the source
above, or on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Frank
and Ernest On Engineering Degrees (S581b)
From: WashingtonPost.com on 3/8/2008
Source: http://members.comics.com/members/common
......../affiliateArchive.do?site=washpost?comic=franknernest
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Smiley the Gear from
GIFs Rubrik:Neon Smiley |