Subj: Firemen Jokes(Gz-m3)           (Includes 26 jokes and articles)

Firetruck from Steve Gibbs

Also see ACCIDENT1....- 'Its A Bad Day When......'
......................- 'Launched On The Fourth Of July ...'
         ARAB file    - '15 Schoolgirls Die In Blaze'
         CAT file     - 'Fire Dept to the Rescue!'
         COLLEGE1 file- 'UCF Student Set Dorm Fire To Meet Women'
         DARWIN AWRDS2- 'Warehouse Burns'
......................- 'Factory Fire'
         FUNERAL file - 'Mortician At His Class Reunion'
         GAY file     - 'Two Firemen Caught Butt-Fucking'
         GOLF3 file   - 'A Series Of Unfortunate Events'
         MUSIC file   - 'Britney Spears And Candles'
         POLICE file  - 'Police Officer Comes Home Early'
         POLISH file  - 'British, American, & Pollack In Burning Building'
         REDNECK3     - 'Redneck Navitity Scene'
         TEAR-JERKER3 - 'Daddy's Pink Rose'
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Subj:     The Kiss ... (S492)           From: LABLaughsClean           on 6/28/2006

 Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/clean_toon.php?id=C20060621

 He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her
 by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while
 he continued to fight the fire.

 She was pregnant.

 When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to
 catch his breath and rest.

 A photographer from the  "The Observer," noticed her in the
 distance looking at the fireman.

 He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered
 what she was going to do.

 As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had
 saved her life and the lives of her babies, and kissed him,
 just as the photographer snapped this photograph.

 Click 'HERE' to see the photo.  It's worth the click.

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Subj:     Fireman Gets Cancer (S488c)
          BY STEVE WARMBIR Staff Reporter Advertisement
          At Chicago Sun-Times on 5/21/2005
          From: jerry on 5/31/2006
 Source: http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-insure21.html

 Ronald Michalowicz, a fire inspector for the village of
 Bedford Park, was given a 27 percent chance to live as he
 battled a rare form of tongue cancer.

 The community rallied around him, raising about $25,000
 to help.

 He fought the cancer into remission.

 But the village where he had worked for 28 years fired him
 for taking the contributions, in alleged violation of the
 Illinois Gift Ban Act and village code prohibiting employees
 from soliciting gifts that could affect their decision-making.

 On Friday, Michalowicz sued Bedford Park, its mayor and
 village board in federal court for allegedly violating his
 rights.  "The emotional stress I'm going through is unbeliev-
 able," Michalowicz said.

 'His crime . . . he recovered'

 His attorney, Michael Ettinger, said he doesn't understand
 why the village fired his client.

 "His crime seems to be that he recovered from cancer," said
 Ettinger, who is representing Michalowicz with attorney
 Richard S. Zachary.

 Michalowicz was diagnosed with cancer in 2003 and continued
 working until March 2004 while undergoing chemotherapy.  He
 left work when brutal radiation treatments began.  He lost
 107 pounds.

 In January 2004, two colleagues at the village decided to
 solicit donations to help Michalowicz pay his mounting bills.

 A building inspector, Steve Edwards, cleared a form letter
 with the mayor at the time, Ronald Robison, to ask for
 contributions.

 "It just seemed like the right thing to do," said Robison,
 who is no longer mayor.  Michalowicz looked so bad the mayor
 figured he was never coming back to work.

 In January 2005, Michalowicz did return.  In July, he got
 a letter from his fire chief stating he was being invest-
 igated for having "accepted gifts of cash and/or property
 from businesses or individuals associated with businesses
 that are subject to fire inspection," among other alleged
 misdeeds.

 Wants fire inspector job back

 A village attorney did not return a message requesting
 comment.

 Michalowicz argues he has no conflict.  After he returned
 to work, he notes, he wrote up four businesses that contri-
 buted to his fund.

 Michalowicz wants damages from the village and his job
 back -- a job he loved.

 At 54, he had a year left with the village before he
 could retire.

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Subj:     The Littlest Fireman (S459)           From: rfslick           on 11/10/2005

 The 26-year-old mother stared down at her son who was dying
 of terminal leukemia.  Although her heart was filled with
 sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination.
 Like any parent she wanted her son to grow up and fulfill
 all his dreams.  Now that was no longer possible.  The
 leukemia would see to that.  But she still wanted her son's
 dreams to come true.  She took her son's hand and asked,
 "Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once
 you grew up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do
 with your life?"

 "Mommy, I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up."
 Mom smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can make your
 wish come true."

 Later that day she went to her local fire department in
 Phoenix, Arizona, where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart
 as big as Phoenix.  She explained her son's final wish and
 asked if it might be possible to give her six year old son
 a ride around the block on a fire engine.  Fireman Bob said,
 "Look, we can do better than that.  If you'll have your son
 ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an
 honorary fireman for the whole day.  He can come down to the
 fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the
 whole nine yards!  "And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll
 get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat — not
 a toy one — with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department
 on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.  They
 are all manufactured right here in Phoenix, so we can get
 them fast."

 Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in
 his fire uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to
 the waiting hook and ladder truck.  Billy got to sit on the
 back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station.
 He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Phoenix that
 day and Billy got to go out on all three calls.  He rode in
 the different fire engines, the paramedic's van, and even the
 fire chief's car.  He was also videotaped for the local news
 program.  Having his dream come true, with all the love and
 attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy
 that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought
 possible.

 One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically
 and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept that
 no one should die alone, began to call the family members to
 the hospital.  Then she remembered the day Billy had spent
 as a fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it
 would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital
 to be with Billy as he made his transition. The chief replied,
 "We can do better than that.  We'll be there in five minutes.
 Will you please do me a favor?  When you hear the sirens
 screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over
 the PA system that there is not a fire?  It's just the fire
 department coming to see one of its finest members one more
 time.  And will you open the window to his room?

 About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at
 the hospital, extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor
 open window and 16 firefighters climbed up the ladder into
 Billy's room.  With his mother's permission, they hugged him
 and held him and told him how much they loved him.  With his
 dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said,
 "Chief, am I really a fireman now?"  "Billy, you are," the
 chief said. With those words, Billy smiled and closed his
 eyes one last time.

 Checked on Snopes.com at http://www.snopes.com/glurge/fireman.htm

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Subj:     Short Firefighter (S261)
          From: jerry on 1/31/2002

 A 5 ft 1 inch firefighter in the UK who, being so short:
 · Cannot reach equipment on the fire truck,
 · Cannot pull the hoses from the fire truck,
 · Cannot lift ladders because they are too long,
 · Cannot clean the fire engine because she cannot reach
   all areas,
 · Cannot use cutting equipment on large commercial
   vehicles and,
 · Cannot reach the emergency keys in an elevator and so
   cannot handle emergencies involving elevators

 She has become embarrassed and depressed and so has
 decided to SUE the fire brigade for:
 · Not making shorter fire trucks so she can reach
   equipment, pull hoses and clean all areas,
 · Not using shorter ladders,
 · Not making smaller cutting equipment and smaller
   commercial vehicles
 · Not making sure all elevators have keys she can reach

 She is claiming sexual discrimination.  Huh???

 UK Telegraph 30-Jan-02

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Subj:     The Little Fireman (S156, S392)
          From: jbcary1 on 8/4/2004

 A fireman looked out of the firehouse window and noticed a
 little boy playing on the sidewalk.  He had small ladders hung
 on the side of his little red wagon, and a garden hose coiled
 up in it. He was wearing a fireman's hat.

 He had the wagon tied to his dog, so that the dog could pull
 the wagon. The fireman thought this was really cute, so he went
 out and told the little boy what a great looking fire truck he
 had.

 As he did, he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his
 testicles.  The fireman said, "Son, I don't want to tell you
 how to run your fire company or anything, but I think if you
 would tie that rope around the dog's neck you would go faster."

 "Maybe so," said the little boy, "but then I'd lose my siren!"

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Subj:    Kitchen Fire (S607c)          From: tom on 8/21/2008

 Read first then watch the video.

 I never realized that a wet dishcloth can be a one size
 fits all lid to cover a fire in a pan!

 This is a dramatic video (30-second, very short) about how
 to deal with a common kitchen fire... oil in a frying pan.
 Read the following Introduction, then watch the show ...
 It's a real eye-opener!!
 

 At the Fire Fighting Training school they would demonstrate
 this with a deep fat fryer set on the fire field.  An
 instructor would don a fire suit and using an 8 oz cup at
 the end of a 10 foot pole toss water onto the grease fire.

 The results got the attention of the students.  The water,
 being heavier than oil, sinks to the bottom where it
 instantly becomes superheated.  The explosive force of the
 steam blows the burning oil up and out.  On the open field,
 it became a thirty foot high fireball that resembled a
 nuclear blast.  Inside the confines of a kitchen, the fire
 ball hits the ceiling and fills the entire room.

 Also, do not throw sugar or flour on a grease fire.  One
 cup of either creates the explosive force of two sticks of
 dynamite.

 Click 'HERE' to see the video.

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Subj:     Fire Truck w/Dog Passes Van w/Kids (S147, S389b)
          From: PGSP4LIFE on 11/24/1999
      and From: Imogenelumen on 7/8/2004

 A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full
 of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.  Sitting
 in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog.  The
 children fell to discussing the dog's duties.

 "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

 "No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

 A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the
 dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

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Subj:     Fireman Sex (S316, S601c)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/14/2003
      and From: darrellvip on 7/17/2008

 A fireman came home from work and told his wife, "We have a
 great system at the fire station.  Bell 1 rings and we all
 put on our jackets.  Then Bell 2 rings and we all slide down
 the pole.  Bell 3 rings and we're all set to go on the
 trucks."

 "From now on," he continued, "this house will be run the
 same way.  When I say Bell 1, you're to strip naked.  When I
 say Bell 2, you jump into bed and when I say Bell 3, we're
 going to make love all night."

 When he came home the next night, he yelled Bell 1 and his
 wife took off her clothes.  Then he yelled Bell 2 and his
 wife jumped into bed.  He then yelled Bell 3 and they began
 to make love.

 After a few minutes, his wife shouted, "Bell 4!"

 "What the hell is Bell 4?" he asked.

 "More hose!  You're nowhere near the fire!" she replied.
 
 

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Subj:     Fireman's Revenge (S451)
          From: darrell94590 on 9/7/2005
 

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Subj:     Itailian Firefighters (S323b, S576b)
          From: THE GAG ROOM on 03/16/97
      and From: RFSlick on 4/2/2003 and 1/23/2008

 One dark night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire
 started inside the local sausage factory.  In a blink the
 building was engulfed in flames.  The alarm went out to
 all the fire departments for miles around.

 When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the
 scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire
 chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in
 the vault in the center of the plant.  They must be saved.
 I will donate $50,000 to the fire department that brings
 them out and delivers them to me."

 But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.  Soon
 more fire departments had to be called in because the
 situation became desperate.  As the firemen arrived, the
 president shouted out that the offer to extricate the
 secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department
 that could save them.

 Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as
 another fire truck came into sight.  It was the fire
 engine of the nearby Lodi, NJ volunteer fire department
 composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.

 To everyone's amazement, the little run-down fire engine,
 operated by these Italian firefighters, passed fire
 engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into
 the middle of the inferno.  Outside, the other firemen
 watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off
 and began to fight the fire with a performance that was
 as if they were fighting to save their own lives Within a
 short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire
 and saved the secret recipes.

 The grateful sausage company president joyfully announced
 that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping
 the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally
 thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.

 A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film.
 The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief,
 "What are you going to do with all that money?"

 "Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-
 year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza
 fixa uppa de brakes on dat fockinna truck!!"

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Subj:     Mickey's Fire Brigand (S563b)           From: LABLaughsClean on 10/29/2007 Source: http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies569.html

 This YouTube cartoon from the 1930s is quite cute.  You can
 see it at the source above, or on my site by clicking 'HERE'.

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Subj:     Short Firemen Jokes
 

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Subj:     Fire Angel (S585b)           From: lauracollins07           on 4/9/2008

 This "Fire Angel Ice Sculpture" is quite moving.
 Click 'HERE' to see it on my web site.
 

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Subj:     Firemen Lift Car (S568)           From: darrellvip           on 11/20/2007

 In this movie, firemen lift a car using hoses.  This is very
 strange.  You can view it on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     The Pregnant Fireman (S527c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 2/27/2007
 Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant,"
 said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down
 the ladder pregnant."  The teacher took the lad aside to
 correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
 Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a
 child."
 

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Subj:     Why Dalmatians Are Firehouse Mascots (S362b)
          From: igiggle on 12/29/2003
 Bred as coach dogs, Dalmatians would run alongside horse-
 drawn carriages to guard against highwaymen.  Because of
 its inbred love of horses, vivid coloring and ability to
 go long distances, the Dalmatian was a natural choice as
 the animal to accompany the horse-drawn fire engine,
 warning onlookers to clear the way.
 

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Subj:     Blonde Calls Fire Department (S313b)
          From: RFSlick on 98-05-13
      and From: szalay on 1/30/2003
 A blonde called the fire department.  She screams into the
 phone.  "Hurry, Come Quick! My house is on fire."
 The fire chief replied, "OK, but how do we get to your house?"
 The blonde said, "Duh, use the red truck!"
 

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Subj:     Firemen Practice On Jaws Of Life (S302b)
          From: jerry on 11/11/2002
 Some firefighters in Framingham, Massachusetts, practiced
 using the Jaws of Life tool to cut up the WRONG CAR.
 Antonio Rocha parked his 1998 Honda behind the fire
 department's headquarters only to return later to find
 his car had been cut up and that it no longer had a roof
 or doors.

 WPVI Channel 6 (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) 10-Nov-02
 

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Subj:     Seasonal Fireman Needs Money (S249)
          From: jerry on 11/7/2001
 Bonehead award three goes to a Southern California seasonal
 (summertime) firefighter, paid for each fire he fought, who
 was arrested for starting forest fires that his unit would
 need to respond to, according to fellow firefighters who
 noticed he always started warming up the fire engine just
 before the fires were called in. (from KOOI radio)

 One day this guys house was on fire so he decided he
 better call the fire department.  He got on the phone
 with the chief and the man was very frantic.  The man
 said chief you have to get over her my house is on
 fire.  The chief says calm down, how do we get to your
 house, and the man said you don't have those big red
 trucks anymore!  --  Anthony Makoski

 The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from
 the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses.
 The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured
 out how to walk up straight staircases.

 Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted
 people without killing them used to burn their houses down
 - hence the expression "to get fired."

 Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a
 blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short
 in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm
 system.  "This is even worse than last year," said the
 distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my
 new security system..."

 In the great fire of London in 1666 half of London was burnt
 down but only 6 people were injured.

 A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex
 with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges,
 the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man
 does not receive any punishment.
 

From: RFSlick on 98-12-09
 Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded fire station?

 Q: What word begins with F and ends with UCK?
 A: Firetruck.

From: RFSlick on 98-04-10
 Q: Why do firemen use dogs during a fire?
 A: To find the fire hidrant.

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Smiley the Fireman from Smiley_Central

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