Subj: Job Related Stuff-Supp (Gz)
(Includes 54 jokes and articles)
Electric Shock
from
FeebleMinds
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Subj: Job Related Stuff-Supp (Gz) (Includes 54 jokes and articles) |
|
Electric Shock from FeebleMinds |
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Subj:
Company Mascot Quiz (S597)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/25/2008 |
Quiz: How well do you know your
favorite company mascots?
Take this fun twenty-question
quiz and spot the real
mascots. Click on the
above source to test your skill.
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| Subj:
Smart Marketing (S578)
From: tom on 2/9/2008 |
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This twenty question test is
fun and tests your brand
recogniition. You can
test your knowledge at the
source above, or on my web site
by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: The
Four Way Test (S515b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 11/28/2006
The man was Herbert J. Taylor
who surveyed the way the
company did its business, which
was the sale of aluminum
pots and pans. The nature
of the industry was fraught with
unethical business practices.
To bring the business out of
bankruptcy Taylor knew that
he had to change the way business
was conducted. Ultimately
he developed a very simple business
philosophy that all employees
were to follow in all of their
business dealings with customers,
suppliers and associates.
The philosophy changed the business,
turned the business
around and ultimately brought
it out of bankruptcy.
The business philosophy is a
simple four step decision making
tool. It didn't tell people
what to do or how to think, but
it did give them a tool to use
in all of their business
dealings. The tool is
now well known to anyone that has ever
associated themselves with Rotary
International. It is
simple, The Four Way Test.
The tip is to use this simple
decision making tool in your
life and see if it doesn't make
a difference. As people,
we must all stand by our personal
honesty and integrity.
This is a handy and simple test of
what you say, do or think. Give
it a try in your life.
The Four Way Test
1. Is it the TRUTH?
2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?
3. Will it build GOODWILL and
better friendships?
4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to
all concerned?
By the way, this tool made Herbert
Taylor a multimillionaire
in the 1930s. So it's also a
very profitable way of doing
business.
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Subj: The
Brewery (S499c)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 8/12/2006
Warning, this is a true story
with an implied moral and
NOT a joke.
It is believed to me that this
is a true story: A very
old traditional brewery in England
decided to install a
new canning line, so as to enable
its beer products to
be marketed through the supermarket
sector. This
represented a major change for
the little company, and
local dignitaries and past employees
were invited to
witness the first running of
the new canning line, which
was followed by a reception.
After the new line had been switched
on successfully,
and the formalities completed,
the guests relaxed in
small groups to chat and enjoy
the reception. In a quiet
corner stood three men discussing
trucks and transport
and distribution, since one
was the present distribution
manager, and the other two were
past holders of the post,
having retired many years ago.
The three men represented
three generations of company
distribution management,
spanning over sixty years.
The present distribution manager
confessed that his job
was becoming more stressful
because company policy
required long deliveries be
made on Monday and Tuesday,
short deliveries on Fridays,
and all other deliveries
mid-week.
"It's so difficult to schedule
things efficiently -
heaven knows what we'll do with
these new cans and the
tight demands of the supermarkets..."
The other two men nodded in agreement.
"It was the same in my day,"
sympathized the present
manager's predecessor, "It always
seemed strange to me
that trucks returning early
on Mondays and Tuesdays
couldn't be used for little
local runs, because the
local deliveries had to be left
until Friday."
The third man nodded, and was
thinking hard, struggling
to recall the policy's roots
many years ago when he'd
have been a junior in the dispatch
department. After
a pause, the third man smiled
and then ventured a
suggestion.
"I think I remember now," he
said, "It was the horses...
During the Second World War
fuel rationing was introduced.
So we mothballed the trucks
and went back to using the
horses. On Mondays the
horses were well-rested after the
weekend - hence the long deliveries.
By Friday the
horses so tired they could only
handle the short local
drops..."
Soon after the opening of the
new canning line the company
changed its delivery policy.
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Subj: Best
Out Of Office Auto Replies (S454)
From: auntiegah on 9/25/2005
1. I am currently out at a job
interview and will reply to
you if I fail to
get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic
notification because I
am out of the office.
If I was in, chances are you would
not have received
anything at all.
3. I will be unable to delete
all the unread, worthless emails
you send me until
I return from holiday on 4 April. Please
be patient and
your mail will be deleted in the order it was
received.
4. Thank you for your email.
Your credit card has been charged
5.99 for the first
ten words and 1.99 for each additional
word in your message.
5. The e-mail server is unable
to verify your server connection
and is unable to
deliver this message. Please restart your
computer and try
sending again. (The beauty of this is that
when you return,
you can see how many in-duh-viduals did
this over and over).
6. Thank you for your message,
which has been added to a queuing
system. You
are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to
receive a reply
in approximately 19 weeks.
7. I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
8. I will be out of the office
for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret'
instead of 'Steve'.
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Subj: The
Lost Dr. Seuss Poem (S414)
From: BuffalosJokes.com
At: http://www.buffalosjokes.com/12230419.htm
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Subj: Entertaining
Women Clients (397b)
From: JokesUncut - 03 September 2004
The boss called in Bill, his
star salesman and said, "I
notice on your last expense
report you entered '$50 for
women'. I don't really
mind you having a good time and
entertaining our clients, but
you should be more discreet.
From now on list those expenses
as being for hunting."
After that, the Bill's expense
account regularly included
items of "$50 for hunting."
But then one month the first
entry read, "$300 for cleaning
rifle."
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Subj: Dinner
With The Boss (S395)
From: DafterLafter - 21 August 2004
My husband, Michael, and I were
at a restaurant with his
boss, a rather stern older man.
When Michael began a tale,
which I was sure he had told
before, I gave him a kick under
the table. There was no
response, so I gave him another
poke. Still the story
went on. Suddenly he stopped,
grinned and said, "Oh, but I've
told you this one before,
haven't I?"
We all chuckled and changed the
subject. Later, on the
dance floor, I asked my husband
why it had taken him so
long to get my message.
"What do you mean?" he replied.
"I cut the story off as
soon as you kicked me."
"But I kicked you twice and it
still took you awhile to
stop!"
Suddenly we realized what had
happened. Sheepishly we
returned to our table. The boss
smiled and said, "Don't
worry. After the second
one I figured it wasn't for me,
so I passed it along!"
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Subj: New
Son-In-Law Becomes Partner (S387b)
From: mrx on 6/17/2004
A very successful businessman
had a meeting with his new
son-in-law. "I love my daughter,
and now I welcome you into
the family," said the man. "To
show you how much we care for
you, I'm making you a 50-50
partner in my business. All you
have to do is go to the factory
every day and learn the
operations."
The son-in-law interrupted.
"I hate factories. I can't
stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law.
"Well then you'll work
in the office and take charge
of some of the operations."
"I hate office work," said the
son-on-law. "I can't stand
being stuck behind a desk all
day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law.
"I just make you
half-owner of a moneymaking
organization, but you don't like
factories and won't work in
a office. What am I going to do
with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."
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Subj: Dead
Man Works For A Week (S355)
From: Imogenelumen on 11/20/2003
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Even though this article is an
Urban Legend, it is a great
read. See http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/fivedays.htm
for the truth. The Sunday
Mercury from Birmingham [England]
got taken in by the hoax.
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Subj: The
Meeting Minder (S334)
From: szalay on 6/20/2003
Subj: The Meeting Minder or How to Stay Engaged in a Meeting
Do you keep falling asleep in
meetings? What about those
long and boring conference calls?
Here's a way to change
all of that.
1. Before your next meeting,
seminar, or conference call,
prepare your Bullshit
Bingo Card by drawing a square
(5" x 5" is a good
size) and divide it into columns
and rows {five
across and five down). That will give
you (25} 1" blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
* synergy
* strategic fit
* core competencies
* out of the box
* bottom line
* revisit
* take that off-line
* 24/7
* out of the loop
* benchmark
* value-added
* proactive
* win-win
* think outside the box
* fast track
* result-driven
* empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base
* at the end of the day
* touch base
* mindset
* client focus(ed)
* ballpark
* game plan
* leverage
3. Check off the appropriate
block when you hear one
of those words/phrases.
4. When you get five blocks horizontally,
vertically,
or diagonally,
Stand up and Shout "BULLSHIT!"
Testimonials from satisfied "Bullshit
Bingo" players:
-----------------------------------------------------------
"I had been in the meeting for
only five minutes when I won."
-Jack
W., Boston
"My attention span at meetings
has improved dramatically."
-David
D., Florida
"What a gas! Meetings will never
be the same
after my first win."
-Bill
R., New York City
"The atmosphere was tense in
the last process meeting as
14 of us waited for the fifth
box."
-Ben
G., Denver
"The speaker was stunned as eight
of us screamed
"BULLSHIT!" for the third time
in two hours."
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| Subj:
Asking Applicants A Final Question (S333b, S535b)
From: JokesUncut on 6/14/2003 and From: drgolfmd on 4/22/2007 |
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Bubba drawing
from Quizarama |
An office manager at Wal-Mart
was given the task of hiring
an individual to fill a job
opening. After sorting through
a stack of resumes he found
four people who were equally
qualified. He decided
to call the four in and ask them
only one question. Their
answer would determine which of
them would get the job.
The day came and as the four
sat around the conference room
table the interviewer asked,
"What is the fastest thing you
know of?"
Acknowledging the first man on
his right, the man replied,
"A THOUGHT." It just pops
into your head. There's no
warning that it's on the way;
it's just there. A thought
is the fastest thing I know
of."
"That's very good!" replied
the interviewer. "And now you
sir?" he asked the second man
"Hmm..... let me see A
blink! It comes and goes and you
don't know that it ever happened.
A BLINK is the fastest
thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer.
"The blink of an eye,
that's a very popular cliche
for speed." He then turned
to the third man who was contemplating
his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch,
you step out of the house
and on the wall there's a light
switch. When you flip
that switch, way out across
the pasture the light in the
barn comes on in less than an
instant. Yep, TURNING ON
A LIGHT is the fastest thing
I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed
with the third answer
and thought he had found his
man. "It's hard to beat
the speed of light," he said.
Turning to Bubba, the
fourth and final man, the interviewer
posed the same
question.
Old Bubba replied, "After hearing
the three previous
answers. It's obvious
to me that the fastest thing
known is DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh sure", said old Bubba. "You
see the other day I
wasn't feeling so good, and
I ran for the bathroom, but
before I could THINK, BLINK,
or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I
had already crapped my pants."
Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!!!!
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Subj: Office
Printer's Type Grows Faint (S333)
From: LABLaughs.com on 5/27/2003
When the office printer's type
began to grow faint, the
office manager called a local
repair shop where a friendly
man informed him that the printer
probably needed only to be
cleaned. Because the store
charged $50 for such cleanings,
he said, the manager might try
reading the printer's manual
and doing the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor,
the office manager
asked, "Does your boss know
that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea,"
the employee replied. "We
usually make more money on repairs
if we let people try to
fix things themselves first."
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| Subj:
Econ 101: Supply, Demand and Prayer
by DAVE BARRY From: pns on 2/8/2003 |
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You can read this cute article
by Dave Barry
by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Short
Job-Stuff Files
| Subj:
Foolish Trivia (S579b)
From: The Contra Costa Times on 2/25/2008 Animated
GIF from gordonschuk...
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Subj:
Creative Advertising (S541c in Sign-Supp)
From: jbcary1 on 5/24/2007 |
| Subj:
Work Place Dangers (S553c)
From: ginafm on 8/20/2007 |
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Subj:
Maxine On Being A Consultant (S537b)
From: darrell94590 on 5/3/2007 |
| Subj:
Painted Ceiling In The Smoking Area (S518b)
From: auntiegah on 12/19/2006 |
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Subj:
Nor Sequitur Comic for 11/29/06 (S515c)
From: GoComics.com on 11/29/2006 |
| Subj:
Company Summer Party (S503b)
From: samhutkins on 9/13/2006 |
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Subj:
Mooning The Boss (S502)
From: LABLaughsClean on 8/30/2006 |
| Subj:
Crew Practice At The Office (S495b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/20/20 |
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Subj:
Riding The Market (S489b)
From:LABLaughsClean on 5/31/2006 |
Top
Subj: How
To Get Days Off Work (S486)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 5/18/2006
I urgently needed a few days
off work, but I knew the Boss
would not allow me to take a
leave. I thought that maybe
if I acted "CRAZY" then he would
tell me to take a few days
off.
So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker asked me what I
was doing? I told her that I
was pretending to be a light
bulb so that the Boss would
think I was "CRAZY" and give
me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss
came into the office and asked
"What are you doing?" I told
him I was a light bulb. He
said "You are clearly stressed
out. Go home and recuperate
for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out
of the office. When my co-worker
followed me, the Boss said to
her, "And where do you think
you're going?"
She said, "I'm obviously going
home too, I can't work in the dark!"
| Subj:
Christmas Season Store Sign (S465b)
From: LABLaughsClean20051208 on 12/8/2005 |
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Top
Subj: Office
Arithmetic (S453b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/22/2005
Smart boss + smart employee
= profit
Smart boss + dumb employee =
production
Dumb boss + smart employee =
promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee =
overtime
Top
Subj: Sexual
Harassment (S440b)
From: darrell94590 on 7/3/2005
In this day of people being
a little sensitive about what
"sexual harassment" really is,
I thought I'd pass along
this example.
Every day, a male co-worker walks
up very close to a lady
standing at the coffee machine,
inhales a big breath of
air and tells her that her hair
smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't
stand it anymore, takes
her complaint to a supervisor
in the personnel department
and states that she wants to
write a sexual harassment
grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor
is puzzled by this decision
and asks, "What's sexually threatening
about a co-worker
telling you your hair smells
nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith,
the midget.
Top
Subj: Running
Out of Typing Paper S394b)
From: Imogenelumen on 8/11/2004
Several years ago, we had an
Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned
to a secretary and said,
"I'm almost out of typing paper.
"What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her
last remaining blank piece
of paper, put it on the photocopier
and proceeded to make
five "blank" copies.
Top
Subj: Buying
A Thermometer (S373)
From: Imogenelumen on 3/26/2004
On your way home from work,
stop at your pharmacy and go to
the thermometer section.
Purchase a rectal thermometer made
by Johnson and Johnson.
Be sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and
disconnect the phone so you
will not be disturbed. Change
into very comfortable clothing
and sit in your favorite
chair, open the package and
remove the thermometer. Now,
carefully place it on a table
or surface so that it will
not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins -
Take out the literature and
read it carefully. You
will notice that in small print
there is a statement, "Every
rectal thermometer made by
Johnson and Johnson is personally
tested"
Now, close your eyes and repeat
out loud five times, "I am so
glad I do not work for quality
control at Johnson and Johnson."
Top
Subj: Anal
Glaucoma (S369)
From: Grampsboyd on 2/12/2004
(I always knew there was a medical
term for it!)
Employee....."I'm sorry but
I can't come in today. I am
suffering from Anal Glaucoma."
Boss........"Anal Glaucoma? What's that?"
Employee...."I just can't see
my ass coming to work!"
Top
Subj: Workplace
Safety Winners (S362)
From: gheckman on 12/30/2003
The pictures of the four 'Workplace
Safety Winners' can
be found on my web site at
http://jokelibrary.150m.com/yyPictures/work2.html#safety
or click 'Here'
to see it in this file.
Top
Subj: Definition
Of A Committee (S358b)
From: zzarry on 12/7/2003
(See 'Committee' in WORD_JOKES2)
What is a committee? A group
of the unwilling,
picked from the unfit, to do
the unnecessary.
-- Richard Harkness,
The New York Times, 1960
| Subj:
WorkEthicEvaluation (S324b)
From: RFSlick on 4/10/2003 |
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From: LABLaughs.com on 5/14/2003 (S328b)
Boldness in business is the
first, second, and third thing.
-- Thomas Fuller (1608
- 1661)
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/3/2003 (S331b)
In a knowledge-driven economy,
talk is real work.
-- Thomas Davenport and
Laurence Prusak
From: igiggle on 2/6/2004 (S367b)
A desk is a dangerous place
from which to view the world.
-- John le Carre
From: Zackit Vallejo Electronics on
04/10/2005 (S429b - stranded)
The only person
who always
Got all the
work
Done
by Friday
Was
Robinson Crusoe.
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/25/2005
(S435b)
The great successful men of
the world have used their
imagination they think ahead
and create their mental
picture in all its details,
filling in here, adding a
little there, altering this
a bit and that a bit, but
steadily building - steadily
building.
-- Robert Collier
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/2/2005 (S462b)
Bosses are like legs.
When they get to the top, they
become asses.
From: LABLaughsClean on 5/1/2006 (S484b)
"Everyone rises to their level
of incompetence."
-- Laurence J.
Peter (1919 - 1988), "The Peter Principle"
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 11/28/2006
(S515b)
"No man needs a vacation so
much as the man
who has just had one."
-- Elbert Hubbard
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Smiley at the Water Cooler
from
Smiley_Central |