Subj: Job Related Stuff-Supp2
(Includes 29 jokes and articles, 03 1094n,21,cL2f,vXT5b,19)
Best Flow Chart... (S716b)
From: tom on 9/30/2010
Coffee Shop Worker Quits Via Song
From: Wimp.com in 2012
This month on the "Steve Harvey"
show, Phil Sipka quit his
job of three years as a barista at the trendy Robust Coffee
Lounge in Chicago in October, and delivered his resignation
via song -- backed up by a quintet of backup singers known
as The Voices. Click 'HERE' to see this cute, but probably
Cameron Herold: Let's Raise Kids
To Be Entrepreneurs
in 2011 (S735d-iFrame)
Bored in school, failing classes,
at odds with peers:
This child might be an entrepreneur, says Cameron Herold.
At TEDxEdmonton, he makes the case for parenting and
education that helps would-be entrepreneurs flourish --
as kids and as adults. Filmed in Edmonton, Canada.
Click 'HERE' to see this enlightening, twenty-two minute video.
Subj: Dilbert Comic Strip (S1048)
By Scott Adams on 2/4/2017
Don't Look Away When
.............I'm Talking to You
..........From: tom in 12 (S787d-iFrame)
This guy gets distracted while
his woman boss is talking to him,
but she has a trick to teach him a lesson he will not forget.
Click 'HERE' to see this cute, very funny skit.
Nigel Marsh - Work Life Balance
From: Wimp.com in 2011 (S729d-iFrame)
Nigel Marsh is the bestselling
author of "Fat, Forty and
Fired" and "Overworked and Underlaid" and the Regional
Group CEO of Young and Rubicam Brands for Australia and
New Zealand. Finding the balance between work and life
is an ongoing battle. Click 'HERE' to see this wonderful
Jenny Quits Her Job
..........in 2010 (S723d-iFrame)
The 33-image pictorial story
of an attractive woman quit-
ting her job (and getting back at her chauvinist boss)
with messages on a dry-erase board, which went viral to
the tune of 250,000 Facebook shares, was a hoax.
is an aspiring
who answered an
ad placed by the
image web site
Chive, which posted
But the 33 photos
Secrets To Success (S722d-iFrame)
From: Wimp.com on 11/17/2010
In this video, Eric Thomas, aka
the Hip Hop Preacher,
share his secrets to success with MSU students. Please
visit http://etthehiphoppreacher.com/ for Eric's official
website. Click 'HERE' to listen to this modern success speaker.
Napoleon Hill -
.............Think And Grow Rich
in 2010 (S722d-iFrame)
Think and Grow Rich! (ISBN 1-59330-200-2)
is a classic
motivational book. Written by Napoleon Hill and inspired
by Andrew Carnegie, it was published in 1937 at the end
of the Great Depression. Click 'HERE' to see and listen
to Napoleon Hill.
Subj: Aqua-Thermal Treatment (S1066)
From: AFine963 on 6/15/2017
(AKA - The Value of A Good Vocabulary)
I called an old USC classmate and asked what he was doing.
He replied that he was working
on "Aqua-thermal treatment of
ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed...
Upon further inquiring, I learned
that he was washing dishes
with hot water under his wife's supervision.
Surprise Party Turns Embarrassing
in 2010 (S715d-On Site, in Birthday)
A guy is blindfolded and led
into a room by his office
girlfriend thinking he's about to get lucky. Click on
'HERE' to see this very funny, naughty video.
BP Spills Coffee
Made by UCBComedy.com
..........in 2010 (S706d-iFrame)
Click 'HERE' to see this cute parody of our gulf oil spill.
Companies That Use Acronyms Or Initials
From: tom on 6/6/2010 (S699b)
Drawing from The Digital Skyline
to learn about sixteen companies who use
acronyms or initials in their title.
Subj: The Boss Returned From Lunch (S714b)
From: firstname.lastname@example.org on 9/8/2010
The boss returned from lunch
in a good mood and called the
whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked
up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled
the boss. "Haven't you got a
sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."
RSA Animate - Smile Or Die
By Barbara Ehrenreich
..........in 2010 (S696d-iFrame)
Acclaimed journalist, author
and political activist
Barbara Ehrenreich explores the darker side of pos-
itive thinking. Click 'HERE' to see this very
Subj: Human Resource Dictionary (S241)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 9/10/2001
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position
has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE
VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without
the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what
they want and do it.
Drive: The Surprising Science Of Motivation
By Dan Pink and www.theRSA.org
in 2010 (S696d-iFrame)
This lively RSA Animate, adapted
from Dan Pink's talk at the RSA,
illustrates the hidden truths behind what really motivates us at
home and in the workplace. Click 'HERE' to see what really motivate us.
Subj: The New "Family Pack" Hefty Bags (S275)
From: jerry on 5/6/2002
The new "Family Pack" Hefty Lawn
and Leaf Bags come 38 bags
in a box. They used to come 40 bags in a box. Yet the
newer box with 2 fewer bags has a big yellow star proclaiming
"Now more bags!"
What the??? How does this add up?
According to a spokesperson at
Pactiv Corporation, the
maker of Hefty bags, they perform this magic by having
declared one day that the new "Family Pack" size would
be 35 bags, instead of 40 bags, and then, quicker than
you can say, "where's my money?," they bumped the "Family
Pack" size to 38 bags therefore, they say, permitting
them to boast that they've added three more bags to the
No change in price either, by
the way, in case you don't
yet feel completely irritated.
Consumer Reports - June, 2002
Making Plastic Eco-Friendly
..........in 2012 (S834d-iFrame)
Cereplast CEO Frederic Scheer
talks about his company's
work on compostable bioplastic. Click 'HERE' to hear
about the benefits of compostable bioplastic.
Subj: Stock Market Terminology (S305b, S610b)
From: RFSlick on 12/3/2002
and From: gattica30 on 10/7/2008
These terms have been updated to fit today's times:
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market
movement causing an
investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month
period when the kids
get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of
investors wetting their
pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD and POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST! -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife
and her lawyer split your
assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A person whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement
your money makes as it
disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after
selling it to some poor sucker
for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out
of when you're the sucker
who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past
who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
Jason Fried: Why Work Doesn't Happen
At Work (S725d-iFrame)
From: Wimp.com in 2010
Jason Fried has a radical theory
of working: that the
office isn't a good place to do it. At TEDxMidwest he
lays out the main problems (call them the MandMs) and
offers three suggestions to make work work. Click
'HERE' to see this too true video.
Subj: Stock Prices (S314)
From: cappucid on 2/7/2003
Stock Market Report ---
Helium was up, feathers were
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt
to recharge the market.
How To Find And Do Work You Love
By Scott Dinsmore
in 10/10/2013 (S866d-iFrame)
Scott Dinsmore's mission is to
change the world by helping
people find what excites them and build a career around
the work only they are capable of doing. He is a career
change strategist whose demoralizing experience at a
Fortune 500 job launched his quest to understand why 80%
of adults hate the work they do, and more importantly, to
identify what the other 20% were doing differently.
Click 'HERE' to hear this great TEX talk.
Subj: How To Attend A Meeting
To really succeed in a business
or organization, it is some-
times helpful to know what your job is, and whether it
involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you
should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my
job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant
governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do
crossword puzzles until retirement.
Most jobs, however, will require some work.
There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:
1. Taking phone messages for
people who are in meetings, and,
2. Going to meetings.
Your ultimate career strategy
will be to get a job involving
primarily #2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and
good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never
going to get a position of power, a position where you can
cost thousands of people their jobs with a single bonehead
decision, unless you learn how to attend meetings.
The first meeting ever was held
back in the Mezzanine Era.
In those days, Man's job was to slay his prey and bring it
home for Woman, who had to figure out how to cook it. The
problem was, Man was slow and basically naked, whereas the
prey had warm fur and could run like an antelope. (In fact
it was an antelope, only nobody knew this).
At last someone said, "Maybe
if we just sat down and did
some brainstorming, we could come up with a better way to
hunt our prey!" It went extremely well, plus it was much
warmer sitting in a circle, so they agreed to meet again
the next day, and the next.
"But the women pointed out that,
prey-wise, the men had
not produced anything, and the human race was pretty much
starving. The men agreed that was serious and said they
would put it right near the top of their "agenda". At
this point, the women, who were primitive but not stupid,
started eating plants, and thus modern agriculture was
born. It never would have happened without meetings.
The modern business meeting,
however, might better be
compared with a funeral, in the sense that you have a
gathering of people who are wearing uncomfortable clothing
and would rather be somewhere else. The major difference
is that most funerals have a definite purpose. Also,
nothing is really ever buried in a meeting.
An idea may look dead, but it
will always reappear at
another meeting later on. If you have ever seen the movie,
"Night of the Living Dead," you have a rough idea of how
modern meetings operate, with projects and proposals that
everyone thought were killed rising up constantly from
their graves to stagger back into meetings and eat the
brains of the living.
There are two major kinds of meetings:
1. Meetings that are held for
basically the same reason
that Arbor Day is observed - namely, tradition. For
example, a lot of managerial people like to meet on
Monday, because it's Monday. You'll get used to it.
You'd better, because this kind account for 83% of
all meetings (based on a study in which I wrote down
numbers until one of them looked about right). This
type of meeting operates the way "Show and Tell" does
in nursery school, with everyone getting to say some-
thing, the difference being that in nursery school,
the kids actually have something to say.
When it's your turn,
you should say that you're still
working on whatever it is you're supposed to be working
on. This may seem pretty dumb, since obviously you'd
be working on whatever you're supposed to be working on,
and even if you weren't, you'd claim you were, but that
is the traditional thing for everyone to say. It would
be a lot faster if the person running the meeting would
just say, "Everyone who is still working on what he or
she is supposed to be working on, raise your hand." You
would be out of there in five minutes, even allowing for
But this is not
how we do it in America. My guess is,
it's how they do it in Japan.
2. Meetings where there is some
alleged purpose. These
are trickier, because what you do depends on what the
purpose is. Sometimes the purpose is harmless, like
someone wants to show slides of pie charts and give
everyone a big, fat report. All you have to do in
this kind of meeting is sit there and have elaborate
fantasies, then take the report back to your office
and throw it away, unless, of course, you're a vice
president, in which case you write the name of a
subordinate in the upper right hand corner, followed
be a question mark, like this:
you send it to Bill and forget all about
it (although it will plague Bill for the rest of his
But sometimes you
go to meetings where the purpose is
to get your "input" on something. This is very serious
because what it means is, they want to make sure that
in case whatever it is turns out to be stupid or fatal,
you'll get some of the blame, so you have to escape
from the meeting before they get around to asking you
One way is to set
fire to your tie. Another is to have
an accomplice interrupt the meeting and announce that
you have a phone call from someone very important, such
as the president of the company or the Pope. It should
be one or the other. It would a sound fishy if the
accomplice said, "You have a call from the president of
the company, or the Pope."
You should know
how to take notes at a meeting. Use a
yellow legal pad. At the top, write the date and under-
line it twice. Now wait until an important person, such
as your boss, starts talking; when he does, look at him
with an expression of enraptured interest, as though he
is revealing the secrets of life itself. Then write
interlocking rectangles like this: (picture of doodled
If it is an especially
lengthy meeting, you can try some-
thing like this (Picture of more elaborate doodles and a
caricature of the boss).
If somebody falls
asleep in a meeting, have everyone else
leave the room. Then collect a group of total strangers,
right of the street, and have them sit around the sleeping
person until he wakes up. Then have one of them say to
him, "Bob, your plan is very, very risky. However, you've
given us no choice but to try it. I only hope, for your
sake, that you know what you're getting yourself into."
Then they should file quietly out of the room.
Subj: Changing Company Names (S222)
From: pns on 4/25/2001
I changed my name to bilk you better by Dave Barry
Several months ago, out of the
blue, a company named 'Cingular'
started sending me bills. I had never heard of Cingular, and
I honestly did not know what these bills were for, so I put
them in the pile where I keep documents that I intend to
scrutinize more carefully later on, after my death.
I started seeing TV commercials
for Cingular, but of course
they did not make it clear what Cingular is, because the First
Rule of Modern Advertising is: 'Never reveal what you are
advertising.' In the Cingular commercials -- maybe you've
seen them -- these little characters, which look like mutant
starfish from space, walk around and make gestures. It is
not at all clear why they are doing this. It crossed my mind
that maybe they ARE mutant starfish from space, and Cingular
is the name of their home planet, and they've sent bills to
all of humanity, and they are gesturing to indicate that if
we don't pay them, they'll vaporize the earth.
Eventually, I found out that
Cingular is the new name of my
cellular telephone company. It used to be named BellSouth
Mobility. Before THAT, I think it was just BellSouth, and
before THAT, it was Southern Bell, and before that, I'm
sure it was several other things. If you go far enough
back, you'd probably find out that at one time, the name
actually included the words ``telephone company,'' so you
could tell, from the name, what it did, which today would
be a serious violation of business ethics.
I paid my Cingular bills, because
I need my cellular phone
to communicate vital information ('Hello? Hello? Can you
hear me? I can't hear you. Hello?'). I apparently have a
special cellular plan wherein all my calls are routed
through a Burger King drive-thru intercom in Bolivia. I
envy the people whose cell phones always seem to work --
the people you see in airports, with their phones attached
to earphone/microphone devices, so they can stride around,
gesturing and talking really loud into the air, looking
kind of like Hamlet delivering his soliloquy ('To be, or
not to be, that is the ... Hello?').
My question is: Why do companies
keep changing their
names? And why do they always change them to names that
don't MEAN anything? We consumers like names that reflect
what the company does. We know, for example, that
International Business Machines makes business machines;
and Ford Motor makes Fords; and Sara Lee makes us fat.
But we don't know, from the name 'Verizon,' what Verizon
does. As far as I can tell, Verizon consists of some big
telephone companies that joined together. So why couldn't
they call themselves ``An Even Bigger Telephone Company?''
What in the world is ``Accenture?''
This is a company
that buys a LOT of ads, the overall message of which seems
to be: 'Accenture -- A Company That Buys a LOT of Ads.' I
checked the Accenture Internet site, and here's what it
says about the name: 'Accenture is a coined word that
connotes putting an accent or emphasis on the future.'
Swell! I am all for the future! But what does Accenture
DO? What if it sends me a bill? Should I pay it? What
if I don't, and it turns out that 'Accenture' is the new
name for the organization formerly known as 'La Cosa
Nostra?' My body parts would be found in nine separate
Hefty bags. The police would shake their heads and say,
'Looks like he didn't pay his Accenture bill.'
This brings me to my idea for
how you can make big money.
You start by inventing a new, modern-sounding company
name, such as 'Paradil' or 'Gerbadigm,' which are coined
words that connote a combination of 'paradigm' and 'gerbil.'
Then you print official-looking invoice forms for this
company, and you send out a mass-mailing of bills for,
let's say, $20.38 apiece, to several million randomly
selected people. You enclose an announcement with a perky
corporate marketing statement that is clearly a lie, and
thus appears totally realistic, such as: 'We've changed
our name to serve you better!'
Granted, some consumers would
throw the bill away. But a
LOT of them would pay it, because they're used to companies
suddenly mutating on them. You'd get rich! The only flaw
in this plan is that the postal authorities might question
its legality. If they give you any trouble, refer them to
me, OK? My name is now Enron P. Citigroup.
Subj: Short Job-Stuff Files
.............Dogbert's Consult Video
By Scott Adams (S887d-iFrame)
Subj: The GIF - Office Essentials (S428)
From: LABLaughs.com on 4/11/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com/clean_toon)
Calvin and Hobbes Sunday Comic Strip
Created by Bill Watterson
in 3/26/2012 (S793)
Subj: Moving Furniture (S728)
From: email@example.com on 12/15/2010
Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her
back was really sore from moving furniture.
"Why didn't you wait till your husband got home?" someone asked.
"I could have," my mother told
the group," but the couch is
easier to move if he's not on it."
Best-Known Consumer Brand Logos
From: Newsweek on April 19,2010
Page 64 (S699b)
to see the evolution of the logos for Betty
Crocker, Kodak, Pepsi, John Deer, Shell, and 3M over the
last 125 years.
Subj: Successful New Business (S711b in Middle_East-Supp)
From: sfo_pilot on 8/31/2010
A friend of mine just started his own business, making
landmines that look like Muslim prayer mats.
It's doing well. Prophets
are going through the roof.
.............................From: rfslick on 9/20/08