Subj: Mailman/Etc Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 29 jokes and articles)
Mailbox from
All free Original ClipArt
| >>>
Subj: Mailman/Etc Jokes (Gz) (Includes 29 jokes and articles) |
|
Mailbox from All free Original ClipArt |
Also see ACCIDENT1
- 'Iraq Terrorist'
BIRD-PARROTS - 'Parrot
With No Legs'
CHRISTMAS4 - 'Christmas,
Michigan'
COMPUT-SUPP - 'Clean
Out Your Mailbox'
COW_SHEEP - 'Service'
FACTS3 file - 'Urban
Legend Exposed'
FACTS5 file - 'White
Powder In The Mail'
FROG file - 'Boy
Goes To Whore House With Dead Frog'
KIDS1 file - 'Son
Says "Goodbye" To Family Members'
MARRIAGE4 - 'Husband
Shares Wife's Birth Pain'
OTH-ANIM-SUPP- 'Gas &Electric
Service Call'
VALENTINE - 'Man
Sends Out 1000 Valentines'
============================================================Top
| Subj:
911 Call For The Postman (S570c)
From: tom on 12/9/2007 |
 |
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Doggie
Heaven (S532c)
From: darrell94590 on 4/3/2007
And a great Post Office story....................
Our dog Abbey died Aug. 23, and
the day after Abbey died,
my 4 year old, Meredith, was
SO upset. She wanted to
write a letter to God so that
God would recognize Abbey
in heaven. She told me
what to write, and I did.
Then she put 2 pictures of Abbey
in the envelope. We
addressed it to God in Heaven,
put two stamps on it
(because, as she said, it could
be a long way to
heaven). We put our return
address on it, and I let
her put it in the drop box at
the post office that
afternoon. She was absolutely
sure that letter would
get to heaven, and I wasn't
about to disillusion
her.
So on Labor Day, we took the
kids to the museum in Austin,
and when we came home, there
was a package wrapped in
gold on our front porch.
It was addressed to Mer. So,
she took it inside and opened
it.
Inside was a book, When Your
Pet Dies, by Mr. Rogers (Fred
Rogers). On the front
cover was the letter we had written
to God, in its envelope (opened).
On the opposite page
was one of the pictures of Abbey
taped on the page. On
the back page was the other
picture of Abbey, and this
handwritten note on pink paper:
"Dear Mer, I know that you will
be happy to find out that
Abbey arrived safely and soundly
in heaven. Having the
pictures you sent to me was
a big help! I recognized
Abbey right away! You
know, Mer, she isn't sick anymore.
Her spirit is here with me (-just
like it stays in your
heart-) young and running and
playing. Abbey loved being
your dog, you know. Since
we don't need our bodies in
heaven, I don't have any pockets
to keep things in-- so I
am sending you your beautiful
letter back with the
pictures--so that you will have
this little memory book
to keep. One of my angels
is taking care of this for me.
I hope this little book will
help.
Thank you for your beautiful
letter. Thank your mother
for sending it. What a
wonderful mother you have. I
picked her especially for you.
God blesses you every day and
remember I love you very
much. By the way, I am
in heaven and everywhere there
is love.
Signed, God, and one of his special
angels (who
wrote this letter after God
told HER the words)."
How wonderful is that!
I never knew there were angels
working at the post office.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Applying
For Work At The Post Office (S471c)
From: thebartend on 2/1/2006
A guy goes to the U.S. Post Office
to apply for a job. The
interviewer asks him, "Have
you been in the service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Vietnam for three years."
The interviewer says, "That will
give you extra points toward
employment." and then he asks,
"Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes, 100%... a
mortar round exploded near me
and blew my testicles off."
The interviewer tells the guy,
"O.K. I can hire you right now.
The hours are from 8:00 A.M.
to 4:00 P.M. You can start
tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M."
The guy is puzzled and says,
"If the hours are from 8:00 A.M.
to 4:00 P.M. then why do you
want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the
interviewer says. "For the
first two hours we stand around
scratching our balls... no
point in your coming in for
that."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
 |
Subj:
Milkman's Puzzle (S406)
Written by Sam Loyd (1841-1911) At: http://thinks.com/puzzles/loyd/loyd.htm |
Honest John says: "What I don't
know about milk is scarcely
worth mentioning," but he was
flabbergasted one day when each
of two ladies asked him for
two quarts of milk. One lady had
a five-quart pail and the other
had a four-quart pail. John
had only two ten-gallon cans,
each full of milk. How did he
measure out exactly two quarts
of milk for each lady?
It is a juggling trick pure and
simple, devoid of trick or
device, but it calls for much
cleverness to get two quarts
of milk into those two pails
without making use of any
receptacles other than the two
pails and the two full cans.
The solution can be found on
my web site by clicking 'HERE',
or on the web at http://thinks.com/puzzles/loyd/puzzle5a.htm
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Playing
"Who Am I" (S367b)
From: LABLaughs on 2/7/2004
(Also see 'Mailman
And The Bedsheet' in this file)
One Monday morning a mailman
is walking the neighborhood
on his usual route. As
he approaches one of the homes he
notices that both cars are in
the driveway, his wonder is
cut short by Bob the homeowner
coming out with a load of
empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys
had a hell of a party last
night." The Mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies,"
Actually we had it Saturday
night, this is the first I have
felt like moving since 4 am
Sunday morning." We had
about fifteen couples from around
the neighborhood over for the
Holiday cheer and got a bit
wild. Hell we even got
so drunk that around midnight we
started playing WHO AM I."
The Mailman thinks a moment and
says, "How do you play that?"
Bob continues between hung over
gasps, "Well all the guys go
in the bedroom and we come out
one at a time with a sheet
covering us and only our "units"
showing through a hole in
the sheet. Then the women
try to guess who it is."
The Mailman laughs and says," Damn I am sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did,"
Bob responds," your name
was guessed at least four or
five times."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: What
To Do With Your Junk Mail (S259b)
From: gheckman on 1/10/2002
When you get ads in your phone
or utility bill, include
them with the payment. Let them
throw it away.
When you get those pre-approved
letters in the mail for
everything from credit cards
to 2nd mortgages and junk
like that, most of them come
with postage paid return
envelopes, right? Well, why
not get rid of some of your
other junk mail and put it in
these cool little envelopes!
Send an ad for your local dry
cleaner to American Express.
Or a pizza coupon to Citibank.
If you didn't get anything
else that day, then just send
them their application back!
If you want to remain anonymous,
just make sure your name
isn't on anything you send them.
You can send it back
empty if you want to just to
keep them guessing!
Eventually, the banks and credit
card companies will begin
getting all their junk back
in the mail. Let's let them
know what it's like to get junk
mail, and best of all
THEY'RE paying for it! Twice!
Let's help keep our postal service
busy and out of bank-
ruptct, since they say e-mail
is cutting into their
business, and that's why they
need to increase postage
again!
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Blonde
Wants Milk Bath (S117, S430b)
From: RFSlick on 4/30/99
(Also see 'Milk Baths'
in COWS ? SHEEP
and 'Mutts Comic Strip'
in OTHER2-DRAWINGS)
A blonde heard that milk baths
would make you beautiful. She left a
note for her milkman to leave
15 gallons of milk. When the milkman
read the note he felt sure there
must be a mistake. He thought she
probably meant 1.5 gallons,
so he knocked on the door to clarify the
point.
The blonde came to the door and
the milkman said, "I found your note
to leave 15 gallons of milk.
Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons.
I'm going to fill my tub up
with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my nipples."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: TV Repairman
And The Sexy Housewife (S87)
From: RFSlick on 98-09-27
The little sexy housewife was
built so well the TV repairman
couldn't keep his eyes off of
her. Every time she came in the
room, he'd near about jerk his
neck right out of joint looking at
her.
When he'd finished she paid him
and said, "I'm going to make a
. . . well . . . unusual request.
You have to first promise me
you'll keep it a secret."
The repairman quickly agreed
and she went on. "Well, it's kind
of embarrassing to talk about,
but while my husband is a kind,
decent man -- sigh -- he has
a certain physical weakness. A
certain disability. Now,
I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "
The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"
"And since I've been wanting
to ever since you came in the
door . . ."
"Yes yes!"
"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
| Subj:
Little Johnny Catches His Parents (S74, S337)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-06-28 and From: thebartend on 7/8/2003 |
 |
Little
Johnny
from Yahoo! Images |
Little Johnny is passing his
parents' bedroom in the middle
of the night, in search of a
glass of water. Hearing a lot
of moaning and thumping, he
peeks in and catches his folks
in The Act. Before dad
can even react, Little Johnny exclaims
"Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy,
can I ride on your back?"
Daddy, relieved that Johnny's
not asking more uncomfortable
questions, and seeing the opportunity
not to break his stride,
agrees. Johnny hops on
and daddy starts going to town. Pretty
soon mommy starts moaning and
gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang
on tight, Daddy! This
is the part where me and the milkman
usually get bucked off!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Mailing
A Letter (S399)
From: Imogenelumen on 6/26/2004
 |
One morning a mailman called
on one of his regular customers
and was surprised to see a white
bedsheet with a hole in the
middle hanging up in her living
room. The housewife explained
she'd had a party the night
before. They had played a game
called "Who's Who's," in which
each of the men had put their
equipment through the hole and
the women had tried to guess
their identity.
"Gee, that sounds like fun,"
said the mailman. "Sure wish
I'd been there."
"You should have been," the housewife
informed him. "Your
name came up three times!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Mailman's
Last Day (S12, S474c)
From DHECKMAN on 97-04-20
and
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/11/2005
(See 'The Vicar's Salary'
in Preacher-Supp)
It was George the Mailman's last
day on the job after 35
years of carrying the mail through
all kinds of weather to
the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house
on his route he was greeted
by the whole family there, who
roundly and soundly congratulated
him and sent him on his
way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house they presented
him with a box of fine
cigars.
The folks at the third house
handed him a selection of
terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met
at the door by a strikingly
beautiful woman in a revealing
negligee. She took him by
the hand, gently led him through
the door (which she closed
behind him), and led him up
the stairs to the bedroom where
she blew his mind with the most
passionate love he had ever
experienced. When he had
had enough they went downstairs,
where she fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham,
sausage, blueberry waffles,
and fresh-squeezed orange
juice. When he was truly
satisfied she poured him a cup of
steaming coffee. As she
was pouring, he noticed a dollar
bill sticking out from under
the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful
for words," he said, "but
what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night,
I told my husband that
today would be your last day,
and that we should do some-
thing special for you.
I asked him what to give you. He
said, 'Screw him. Give him a
dollar.'
The breakfast was my idea."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Letter
To God At Christmas (S464)
From: rfslick on 12/12/2005
One day at the post office (Australia
Post here) one of the
sorters comes across a letter
addressed 'To God, care of
heaven'. Of course, the poor
guy didn't know where to send
it, there was no postcode or
anything, so finally, he decided
to open it. He carefully opened
the envelope and read the
following:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living
on a small pension. Yesterday
someone stole my purse.
It had $100 in it, which was all the
money I had until my next pension
check. Next Sunday is
Christmas, and I had invited
two of my friends over for dinner.
Without that money I have nothing
to buy food with. I have no
family to turn to, and you are
my only hope. Can You please
help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched.
He showed the letter to all the
other workers. Each one
dug into his or her wallet and came
up with a few dollars.
By the time he had made the rounds, he
had collected $96, which they
put into an envelope and sent to
the woman.
The rest of the day the workers
felt a warm glow thinking of
Edna and the dinner she would
be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter
came from the old lady to God.
All the workers gathered around
while the letter was opened. It read:
Dear God:
How can I ever thank you enough
for what you did for me? Because
of your gift of love, I was
able to fix a glorious dinner for my
friends. We had a very nice
day and I told my friends of your
wonderful gift.
By the way, there was $4 missing.
I think it must have been those
thieving bastards at the Post
Office, but you know what robbin'
mongrels they are in that Australia
Post.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Short
Mailman Jokes
| Subj:
Driving Dog Prank (S584c)
From: RDobry on 4/1/2008 At: www.justforlaughs.ca/home |
 |
 |
Subj:
U.S. Islamic Holiday Stamp (S559)
From: rfslick on 10/5/2007 |
| Subj:
Lickable Stamps (S517c)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/11/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Hawaii Stamps 1894 (S459b)
From: igiggle on 11/9/2005 |
| Subj:
US Postal (S443b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/13/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: Sam's
Mailbox Picture Collection (S416b)
From: igiggle on 1/15/2005
At: http://sblom.com/mailbox/
A wonderfully collection of
117 pictures of creative mail
boxes. To view them you
must go to the site above.
Top
Subj: Snail
Mail (S276c)
From: jerry on 11/25/2001
UK Post Office officials say
that snails have become hooked
on the taste of saliva and glue
on envelopes and have been
getting inside post boxes and
destroying letters. Hundreds
of boxes are being fitted with
snail excluders.
"They were leaving slime everywhere,
getting into the
letters, licking the paste,"
says a Post Office spokesperson.
The Guardian (UK) via Ananova
(UK) 10-Nov-01
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet,
didn't pay enough
postage on aletter bomb. It
came back with "return to sender"
stamped on it. You guessed it,
he opened it and said a fond
farewell to his face.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
Every time you lick a stamp,
you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #133 on 98-05-28
Avoid mailmen, they're carriers
From: ossama on 99-01-27
Guns don't kill people, postal
workers do.
From: ossama on 3/22/99 (S113)
Researchers say they have been
able to slow down the speed of light.
Know how they do it? They take
a beam of light, and they aim it
through a post office. (Leno)
From: KMacinty on 6/4/99
If walking is so good for you,
then why
does my mailman look like Jabba
the Hut??
From: igiggle on 12/13/2005 (S463b
- quotes-comed-supp)
Mail your packages early so
the post office can lose them
in time for Christmas.
-- Johnny Carson
From: KMacinty on 8/24/99 (S134, S322b)
and From: DoctorDebt on 6/1/2003
Q: What does it mean when the
flag at the Post Office
is flying at half
mast?
A: They're hiring.
From: LABLaughsAdult on 2/9/2005 (S420b)
Q: What do you call a gay milkman?
A: A dairy queen
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Smiley the Postman from
Smiley_Central |