Subj: Police-Supp Jokes (Gz-m3)
(Includes 19 jokes and articles)
Police Speeding Tticket
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Subj: Police-Supp Jokes (Gz-m3) (Includes 19 jokes and articles) |
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Police Speeding Tticket
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| Subj:
Underwear Cops (S575c)
From: rfslick on 1/18/2008 |
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Subj: Lawyer
Runs A Stop Sign (S608b)
From: tom on 9/1/2008
Only in Texas my friends... Only in Texas ..... Too bad......
A lawyer runs a stop sign and
gets pulled over by a sheriff's
deputy. He thinks that
he is smarter than the deputy because
he is a lawyer from New York
and is certain that he has a
better education then any cop
from Houston, Texas. He
decides to prove this to himself
and have some fun at the
Texas deputy's expense.
The deputy says,' License and registration, please.'
'What for?' says the lawyer.
The deputy says, 'You didn't
come to a complete stop at the
stop sign.'
Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'
'You still didn't come to a complete
stop, Says the deputy.
License and registration, please.'
The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
'The difference is you have to
come to complete stop, that's
the law License and registration,
please!' the Deputy says.
Lawyer says, 'If you can show
me the legal difference between
slow down and stop, I'll give
you my license and registration;
and you give me the ticket.
If not, you let me go and don't
give me the ticket.'
'That sounds fair. Please
exit your vehicle, sir,' the
deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes
out his nightstick and starts
beating the daylights out of
the lawyer and says, 'Do you want
me to stop, or just slow down?'
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Subj: Sixteen
Police Comments (S533)
From: rfslick on 4/10/2007
Sixteen Police Comments were
taken off actual police car
videos around the country
#16 "You know, stop lights don't
come any redder than the
one you just
went through."
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are
tight because they're new,
they'll stretch
after you wear them a while."
#14 "If you take your hands off
the car, I'll make your
birth certificate
a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than
1200 feet per second?
Because that's
the speed of the bullet that'll
be chasing
you."
#11 "You don't know how fast
you were going? I guess
that means
I can write anything I want to on the
ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to
the shift supervisor,
but I don't
think it will help. Oh, did I mention
that I'm
the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want
a warning? O.K., I'm warning
you
not to do that again or I'll give you another
ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last
question will determine
whether you
are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a
cat or a
dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me
to be fair? Listen, fair is
a place
where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton
candy
and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota.
Two more tickets and my
wife gets
a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas
anymore. We used to,
but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we
can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief
(of Police) Hawker is a
personal friend
of yours. So you know someone who
can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
#1 "You didn't think we give
pretty women tickets? You're
right, we don't.
Sign here."
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Subj: Wyoming
State Police Story (S519)
From: jokes on 12/22/2006
In most of the northern states,
there is a policy of checking
on any stalled vehicle on the
highway when the temperatures
drop down to single digits or
below.
About 3 AM, one very cold morning,
a state police officer
responded to a call there was
a car off the shoulder of the
road outside Casper. He
located the car, stuck in deep snow,
and with the engine still running.
Pulling in behind the car with
his emergency lights on, the
officer walked to the driver's
door to find an older man
passed out behind the wheel
with a nearly empty vodka bottle
on the seat beside him.
The driver came awake when the officer tapped on the window.
Seeing the rotating lights in
his rearview mirror, and the
state policeman standing next
to his car, the man panicked.
He jerked the gearshift into
'drive' and hit the gas. The
car's speedometer was showing
20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but
it was still stuck in the snow,
wheels spinning.
The policeman, having a sense
of humor, began running in
place next to the speeding,
but still stationary car. The
driver was totally freaked,
thinking the officer was actually
keeping up with him. This
goes on for about 30 seconds, then
the officer yelled at the man
to 'Pull over!'
The man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the engine.
Needless to say, the man from
Casper was arrested, and is
probably still shaking his head
over the state patrolman who
could run 50 miles per hour.
Who says policemen don't have
a sense of humor?
¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤»¥«¤»§«¤
You can read the same story in
a newspaper article
by clicking 'HERE'.
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Subj: Police
Stop Old Lady w/Garbage Bags (S502)
From: darrell94590 on 9/7/2006
A little old lady is walking
down the street, dragging two
plastic garbage bags with her,
one in each hand. There's a
hole in one of the bags,
and every once in a while a $20
bill flies out of it onto the
pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops
her... "Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that
bag..."
"Damn!" says the little
old lady.... "I'd better go back
and see if I can still find
some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says
the cop. "How did you get
all that money? "Did you steal
it?"
"Oh, no," says the little
old lady. "You see, my back yard
backs up to the parking lot
of the football stadium. Each
time there's a game, a lot of
fans come and pee in the
bushes, right into my flower
beds!
"So, I go and stand behind the
bushes with a big hedge
clipper, and each time someone
sticks his little thingie
through the bushes, I say: '$20
or off it comes!'"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs
the cop. "OK, good luck. By
the way, what's in the other
bag?"
"Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."
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Subj: Suspect
Shocks Officer w/Own Taser (S496b)
From: jerry on 7/23/2006
Source: http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/mld/sunnews/15069712.htm
Associated Press
FLORENCE, S.C. - Steve Lee Menius,
30, was arrested at his
home Tuesday after police arrived
with a warrant for violating
his probation.
While being driven to the Darlington
County jail in the back
of the police car, Menius managed
to get his hands out of his
handcuffs and tried to climb
in the front seat, Hartsville
Police Chief Tim Kemp said.
During the struggle, Menius grabbed
the officer's Taser and
shocked him, Kemp said.
The officer pulled to the side of
the road and got out of the
cruiser to continue to fight with
Menius, who then jumped back
inside the car and drove off,
Kemp said.
Police chased Menius briefly,
and he was arrested again when
he jumped from the cruiser after
a train blocked his way,
police said. Menius has
also been charged with assaulting
a law enforcement officer and
failing to stop for a blue light.
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Subj: Drug
Theft Gone Wrong (S493)
From: darrell94590 on 7/6/2006
A news article from a Florida Newspaper:
When Nathan Radlich's house was
burgled, thieves left his
TV, his VCR, and even left his
watch. What they did take
was "generic white cardboard
box filled with grayish-white
powder." (That at least is the
way the police described it.)
A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale
police said "that it
looked similar to cocaine and
they'd probably thought they'd
hit the big time."
Then Nathan stood in front of
the TV cameras and pleaded
with the burglars: "Please return
the cremated remains of
my sister, Gertrude. She died
three years ago."
Well, the next morning, the bullet-riddled
corpse of a drug
dealer known as Hoochie Pevens
was found on Nathan's doorstep.
The cardboard box was there
too; about half of Gertrude's
ashes remained. And there
was this note. It said: "Hoochie
sold us the bogus blow, so we
wasted Hoochie. Sorry we
snorted your sister.
This is a wonderful story rewritten
from an urban legend. To
read the original true story
go to Snopes.com at
http://www.snopes.com/horrors/cannibal/cocaine.htm
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Subj: Short
Police Jokes
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Subj:
Awesome New Radar System (S595b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/12/2008 Photo from YouTube |
| Subj:
Officer Stops Traffic For Ducks (S592b)
From: ginafm on 5/24/2008 Source: http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=c1c_1209428470 |
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Subj:
Dashboard Camera (S582c)
From: tom on 3/11/2008 |
| Subj:
Son Of A Bitch (S581b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/7/2008 Source: http://www.ezines4all.com/pics/sonofabitch.htm |
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Subj:
Woman Fights Robber, Cops Have to Rescue Him! (S577b)
From: rfslick on 1/29/2008 |
| Subj:
Redneck Lawnmower Beer Run (S576b)
From: AFine963 (in Redneck-supp) on 1/24/2008 |
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Subj:
A Good Answer By Sheriff Judd (S575)
From: gordonschuk on 1/12/2008 |
| Subj:
Old Marijuana Sign (S548b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/17/2007 |
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Subj:
Negotiations - Japanese Style (S529 in Asian)
From: darrell94590 on 3/9/2007 |
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Subj: Police
Find Body In Park (S527)
From: darrell94590 on 2/25/2007
Today local police found a man's
body in a park nearby.
They describe him as having
a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls,
Wrinkly Ass and a Small Wiener.
.
.
.
Let me know if you're OK.
| Subj:
Bumpkeys (S525c)
From: darrell94590 on 2/9/2007 |
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This first video will give you
an introduction that was aired
on a news program at http://www.peiferlock.com/alert-bump-keys.htm
This second video is from a company
who will sell you a key to
open any lock of a certain kind
for about $3.00
http://www.bumpkey.us/Bump-Key-Videos-sp-1.html
This third video is a one hour
movie which explains why bumping
works at http://connectmedia.waag.org/toool/21c.wmv
I verified that lock bumping
is a real threat at Snopes.com
at http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/bumpkeys.asp
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Subj:
Police Stop A DUI (S501)
From: edapsmas on 8/22/2006 |
| Subj:
The Copper Clapper Caper (S485)
From: LABLaughsClean (in Quotes-Comed-Supp) on 5/3/2006 |
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Police with Stick comes from
darrell94590@sbcglobal.net on 4/17/2006 |
