(Includes 32 jokes and articles)
Smoking Gun from
Josephs Free Stuff
| Subj:
Soldier-Supp Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 32 jokes and articles) |
|
Smoking Gun from Josephs Free Stuff |
| Subj:
The Best Commercial Ever (S507)
From: jbcary1 on 10/8/2006 |
 |
You can view 'The Best Commercial
Ever' on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Wisdom
- From The Military (S519b)
From: jbcary1 on 1/3/2007
"A slipping gear could let your
M203 grenade launcher fire
when you least expect it.
That would make you quite
unpopular in what's left of
your unit."
-- Army's magazine
of preventive maintenance.
------------------------------------------------------
"Aim towards the Enemy."
-- Instruction
printed on US Rocket Launcher
------------------------------------------------------
"When the pin is pulled, Mr.
Grenade is not our friend.
-- U.S. Marine
Corps
------------------------------------------------------
"Cluster bombing from B-52s
are very, very accurate.
The bombs are guaranteed to
always hit the ground."
-- USAF Ammo Troop
------------------------------------------------------
"If the enemy is in range, so
are you."
-- Infantry Journal
-----------------------------------------------------
"It is generally inadvisable
to eject directly over the
area you just bombed."
-- U.S. Air Force Manual
------------------------------------------------------
"Whoever said the pen is mightier
than the sword obviously
never encountered automatic
weapons." -- General Macarthur
-----------------------------------------------------
"Try to look unimportant; they
may be low on ammo."
-- Infantry Journal
------------------------------------------------------
"You, you, and you ... Panic.
The rest of you,
come with me." -- U.S.
Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
------------------------------------------------------
"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance
------------------------------------------------------
"Five second fuses only last
three seconds."
-- Infantry Journal
-------------------------------------------------------
"Don't ever be the first, don't
ever be the last, and don't
ever volunteer to do anything."
-- U.S. Navy Swabbie
-------------------------------------------------------
"Bravery is being the only one
who knows you're afraid."
-- David Hackworth
-------------------------------------------------------
"If your attack is going too
well, you're walking into
an ambush." -- Infantry
Journal
-------------------------------------------------------
"No combat-ready unit has ever
passed inspection."
-- Joe Gay
-------------------------------------------------------
"Any ship can be a minesweeper.
Once."
-------------------------------------------------------
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant
you have nothing to do."
-- Unknown Marine
Recruit
-------------------------------------------------------
"Don't draw fire; it irritates
the people around you."
-- Your Buddies
-------------------------------------------------------
"If you see a bomb technician
running, follow him."
-- USAF Ammo Troop
-------------------------------------------------------
"Though I Fly Through the Valley
of Death, I Shall Fear No
Evil. For I am at 80,000
Feet and Climbing." -- At the
entrance to the old SR-71 operating
base Kadena, Japan
-------------------------------------------------------
"You've never been lost until
you've been lost at Mach 3."
-- Paul F. Crickmore
(test pilot)
-------------------------------------------------------
"The only time you have too
much fuel is when you're on fire."
-------------------------------------------------------
"Blue water Navy truism: There
are more planes in the ocean
than submarines in the sky."
- From an old carrier sailor
------------------------------------------------------
"If the wings are traveling
faster than the fuselage, it's
probably a helicopter -- and
therefore, unsafe."
-------------------------------------------------------
"When one engine fails on a
twin-engine airplane you always
have enough power left to get
you to the scene of the crash."
-------------------------------------------------------
"Without ammunition, the USAF
would be just another expensive
flying club."
-------------------------------------------------------
"What is the similarity between
air traffic controllers and
pilots? If a pilot screws
up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws
up, .... The pilot dies"
-------------------------------------------------------
"Never trade luck for skill."
-------------------------------------------------------
The three most common expressions
(or famous last words) in
aviation are: "Why is it doing
that?", "Where are we?" And
"Oh S...!"
------------------------------------------------------
"Weather forecasts are horoscopes
with numbers."
-------------------------------------------------------
"Progress in airline flying:
now a flight attendant can get
a pilot pregnant."
-------------------------------------------------------
"Airspeed, altitude and brains.
Two are always needed to
successfully complete the flight."
-------------------------------------------------------
"A smooth landing is mostly
luck; two in a row is all luck;
three in a row is prevarication."
-------------------------------------------------------
"I remember when sex was safe
and flying was dangerous."
---------------------------------------------------------
"Mankind has a perfect record
in aviation;
we never left one up there!"
-------------------------------------------------------
"Flashlights are tubular metal
containers kept in a flight
bag for the purpose of storing
dead batteries."
-------------------------------------------------------
"Flying the airplane is more
important than radioing your
plight to a person on the ground
incapable of understanding
or doing anything about it."
--------------------------------------------------------
"The Piper Cub is the safest
airplane in the world; it can
just barely kill you."
-- Attributed to
Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
--------------------------------------------------------
"A pilot who doesn't have any
fear probably isn't flying
his plane to its maximum."
- Jon McBride, astronaut
--------------------------------------------------------
"If you're faced with a forced
landing, fly the thing as
far into the crash as possible."
-- Bob Hoover (renowned
aerobatic and test pilot)
--------------------------------------------------------
"Never fly in the same cockpit
with someone braver than you."
-------------------------------------------------------
"There is no reason to fly through
a thunderstorm in
peacetime." -- Sign over
squadron ops desk
at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
--------------------------------------------------------
"If something hasn't broken
on your helicopter, it's about to."
--------------------------------------------------------
Basic Flying Rules: "Try to
stay in the middle of the air.
Do not go near the edges of
it. The edges of the air can
be recognized by the appearance
of ground, buildings, sea,
trees and interstellar space.
It is much more difficult
to fly there."
-------------------------------------------------------
"You know that your landing
gear is up and locked when it
takes full power to taxi to
the terminal."
-------------------------------------------------------
As the test pilot climbs out
of the experimental aircraft,
having torn off the wings and
tail in the crash landing,
the crash truck arrives, the
rescuer sees a bloodied pilot
and asks "What happened?".
The pilot's reply: "I don't
know, I just got here myself!" -
Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed
test pilot)
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Murphy's
Military Laws... (S509c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 10/20/2006
The most dangerous thing in the
combat zone is
an officer with a map.
The problem with taking the easy
way out is that
the enemy has already mined
it.
The buddy system is essential
to your survival; it
gives the enemy somebody
else to shoot at.
If your advance is going well,
you are walking
into an ambush.
The quartermaster has only two
sizes, too large
and too small.
The only thing more accurate
than incoming
enemy fire is incoming friendly
fire.
Never worry about the bullet
with your name
on it. Instead, worry about
shrapnel addressed
to 'occupant'.
All battles are fought uphill and in the rain.
Tracers works both ways.
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
War is like love. To triumph,
you must make
contact.
It isn't necessary to be an idiot
to be a senior
officer, but it sure helps.
Your equipment was made by the lowest bidder.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
 |
Subj:
If I Die Before You Wake... (S599)
From: aldavito on 7/8/2008 Photo from G.Dwgsee.com |
This video is a PowerPoint Show
of a song by a US soldier.
You can see this great movie
at the above source, or on
my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: The
Monsters And The Weak - Poem (S504c)
From: gordonschuk on 9/13/2006
This poem was written by a Marine....Keep
the fight away
from home so Americans can be
Americans!
Monsters and the Weak by Michael Marks
The sun beat like a hammer, not
a cloud was in the sky.
The mid-day air ran thick with
dust, my throat was parched and dry.
With microphone clutched tight
in hand and cameraman in tow,
I ducked beneath a fallen roof,
surprised to hear "stay low."
My eyes blinked several times
before in shadow I could see,
the figure stretched across
the rubble, steps away from me.
He wore a cloak of burlap strips,
all shades of gray and brown,
that hung in tatters till he
seemed to melt into the ground.
He never turned his head or took
his eye from off the scope
but pointed through the broken
wall and down the rocky slope.
"About eight hundred yards,"
he said, his whispered words concise,
"beneath the baggy jacket he
is wearing a device."
A chill ran up my spine despite
the swelter of the heat,
"You think he's gonna set it
off along the crowded street?"
The sniper gave a weary sigh
and said "I wouldn't doubt it,"
"unless there's something this
old gun and I can do about it."
A thunderclap, a tongue of flame,
the still abruptly shattered;
while citizens that walked the
street were just as quickly scattered.
Till only one remained, a body
crumpled on the ground,
The threat to oh so many ended
by a single round.
And yet the sniper had no cheer,
no hint of any gloat,
instead he pulled a logbook
out and quietly he wrote.
"Hey, I could put you on TV,
that shot was quite a story!"
But he surprised me once again
-- "I got no wish for glory."
"Are you for real?" I asked in
awe, "You don't want fame or credit?"
He looked at me with saddened
eyes and said "you just don't get it."
"You see that shot-up length
of wall, the one without a door?
Before a mortar hit, it used
to be a grocery store."
"But don't go thinking that to
bomb a store is all that cruel,
the rubble just across the street
-- it used to be a school.
The little kids played soccer
in the field out by the road,"
His head hung low, "They never
thought a car would just explode."
"As bad as all this is though,
it could be a whole lot worse,"
He swallowed hard, the words
came from his mouth just like a curse.
"Today the fight's on foreign
land, on streets that aren't my own,
I'm here today 'cause if I fail,
the next fight's back at home."
"And I won't let my Safeway burn,
my neighbors dead inside,
don't wanna get a call from
school that says my daughter died;
I pray that not a one of them
will know the things I see,
nor have the work of terrorists
etched in their memory."
"So you can keep your trophies
and your fleeting bit of fame,
I don't care if I make the news,
or if they speak my name."
He glanced toward the camera
and his brow began to knot,
"If you're looking for a story,
why not give this one a shot."
"Just tell the truth of what
you see, without the slant or spin;
that most of us are OK and we're
coming home again.
And why not tell our folks back
home about the good we've done,
how when they see Americans,
the kids come at a run."
You tell 'em what it means to
folks here just to speak their mind,
without the fear that tyranny
is just a step behind;
Describe the desert miles they
walk in their first chance to vote,
or ask a soldier if he's proud,
I'm sure you'll get a quote."
He turned and slid the rifle
in a drag bag thickly padded,
then looked again with eyes
of steel as quietly he added;
"And maybe just remind the few,
if ill of us they speak,
that we are all that stands
between the monsters and the weak."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Letter
From Wellington (S472b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/27/2006
Message from the Duke of Wellington
to the British Foreign
Office in London. Written
from Central Spain, August 1812
Gentlemen, Whilst marching from
Portugal to a position which
commands the approach to Madrid
and the French forces, my
officers have been diligently
complying with your requests
which have been sent by H.M.
ship from London to Lisbon and
thence by dispatch to our headquarters.
We have enumerated our saddles,
bridles, tents and tent poles,
and all manner of sundry items
for which His Majesty's
Government holds me accountable.
I have dispatched reports on
the character, wit, and spleen
of every officer. Each item
and every farthing has been
accounted for, with two regrett-
able exceptions for which I
beg your indulgence.
Unfortunately the sum of one
shilling and ninepence remains
unaccounted for in one infantry
battalion's petty cash and
there has been a hideous confusion
as the number of jars of
raspberry jam issued to one
cavalry regiment during a sand-
storm in western Spain.
This reprehensible carelessness may
be related to the pressure of
circumstance, since we are war
with France, a fact which may
come as a bit of a surprise to
you gentlemen in Whitehall.
This brings me to my present
purpose, which is to request
elucidation of my instructions
from His Majesty's Government
so that I may better understand
why I am dragging an army
over these barren plains. I
construe that perforce it must
be one of two alternative duties,
as given below. I shall
pursue either one with the best
of my ability, but I cannot
do both:
1. To train an army of uniformed
British clerks in Spain for
the benefit of
the accountants and copy-boys in London or
perchance...
2. To see to it that the forces
of Napoleon are driven out
of Spain.
Your most obedient servant,
Wellington
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Busy
Radio Operator In Korea (S469b)
From: igiggle on 1/16/2006
A few years ago I worked as a
radio operator with the Second
Infantry Division in Korea.
Traffic over the radio came fast
and furious, and it became apparent
early on that handling it
all was a special skill.
During one particularly hectic
day I took a break and walked
past another unit, where an
operator calmly manned three radios
while flawlessly taking down
messages. Later I ran into the
soldier and remarked how impressed
I was with his cool efficiency.
"What's your secret?" I asked.
"I had training as a civilian,"
he responded. "I worked the
McDonald's drive-through."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: New
Colonel's First Day (S445b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/28/2005
Having just moved into his new
office, a pompous, new colonel
was sitting at his desk when
an airman knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position,
the colonel quickly picked up
the phone, told the airmanto
enter, then said into the phone,
"Yes, General, I'll be seeing
him this afternoon and I'll pass
along your message. In the meantime,
thank you for your good
wishes, sir." Feeling as though
he had sufficiently impressed
the young enlisted man, he asked,
"What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the
airman replied, "I'm just here
to hook up your telephone."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: New
Elite Fighting Force (S443b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/12/2005
The Pentagon announced today
the formation of a new 500 man
elite fighting unit called the
US REDNECK SPECIAL FORCES
(USRSF). These North Carolina,
Kentucky, West Virginia,
Mississippi, Missouri, Arkansas,
Alabama, Georgia Texas
and Tennessee boys will be dropped
into Iraq and have been
given the following facts about
Terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups,
country music or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE
for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
This mess in Iraq should be over IN A WEEK
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Military
T-Shirt (S479b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 3/24/2006
Source: http://www.lablaughs.com/adult_toon.php?id=A19970504
 |
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
Subj: Short
Soldier Jokes
 |
Subj:
Colin Powell At A Conference (S601)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 7/11/2008 Photo from USA-Hero.com |
He answered by saying that, "Over
the years, the United
States has sent many of its
fine young men and women into
great peril to fight for freedom
beyond our borders. The
only amount of land we have
ever asked for in return is
enough to bury those that did
not return."
It became very quiet in the room.
| Subj:
Laser Cannon (S587b)
From: tom on 4/15/2008 and From: Popular Science Magazine |
 |
 |
Subj:
Letter From A US Soldier In Iraq (S583)
From: hellgunner50 on 3/26/2008 Drawing from Flickr.com |
| Subj:
Arlington at Christmas (S568 in Graveyard)
From: tom on 12/5/2007 Picture
from Wreaths-Across_america.org...
|
 |
 |
Subj:
8 Unusual Old Pictures (S560)
From: darrellvip on 10/11/2007 |
| Subj:
New Terrorist Trick (S556)
From: rfslick on 9/15/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Home Of The Brave (S556)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/11/2007 |
It is said a picture is worth
a thousand words but it leaves
me speechless and tears
in my eyes. Click 'HERE' to
view.
| Subj:
Grass Grows In Iraq (S553)
From: darrellvip on 8/24/2007 Photo from
Snopes.com..
|
 |
 |
Subj:
A Prayer For Our Soldiers (S548c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/10/2007 |
| Subj:
Lizzie Palmer's Remember Me (S542b)
From: gordonschuk on 5/30/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Camouflage Jacket (S536 in Physcis3)
From: MentalBay.com 4/30/2007 Source: http://www.mentalbay.com/videos/41/videos |
Top
Subj: Becoming
An Airborn Soldier (S531b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/22/2007
After enlisting in the 82nd
Airborne Division, I eagerly
asked my Recruiter what I could
expect from jump school.
"Well," he said, "its three weeks long."
"What else," I asked.
"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said.
"The second week, they separate the men from the fools."
"And the third week?" I asked.
"The third week, the fools jump."
| Subj:
Soldier's Funeral In Texas (S525c in Funeral)
From: Glorybbabi on 1/30/2007 |
 |
 |
Subj:
America's Army (S517b in Games2)
From YouTheyWe.com on 12/8/06 |
| Subj:
Troops Reply To Sen. Kerry (S511)
From: jbcary1 on 11/3/2006 |
 |
 |
Subj:
Afghan Helicopter Photo (S505b)
From: darrell94590 on 9/25/2006 |
Top
Subj: A Mountain
Man In Basic Training (S504b)
From: allenbergman on 9/16/2006
Fifty-one years ago, Herman
James, a North Carolina mountain
man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training,
the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber
sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army
issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist
yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued
him a jock strap. The Army
has been looking for Herman
for 51 years.
| Subj:
National Guard Call-Up Letter (S488)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 5/22/2006 |
 |
Top
Subj: Off-Base
Housing (S470)
From: igiggle on 1/19/2006
As a young married couple, my
husband and I lived in a cheap
housing complex near the base
where he was stationed. Our
chief complaint was that the
walls were paper-thin and that
we had no privacy. This
was painfully obvious one morning
when my husband was upstairs
and I was downstairs on the
telephone. I was interrupted
by the doorbell and went to
greet my neighbor.
"Give this to Lieutenant Gridley,"
he said, thrusting a roll
of toilet paper into my hands.
"He's been yelling for it for
15 minutes."
From: LABLaughs.com on 9/1/2006 (S302b
in Cowboy1)
"You can't say that civilization
don't advance, however,
for in every war they kill
you in a new way. "
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935),
New York Times, Dec. 23, 1929
From: LABLaughsClean on 6/3/2008 (S593b)
"Age wrinkles the body. Quitting
wrinkles the soul."
-- Douglas MacArthur
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Smiley soldiers came from
drgolfmd@yahoo.com |
