Subj: Other Occupations
(Includes 39 jokes and articles, 02 1099,18,cL2f,wYT2a3,15)
Man Reading Paper from
Animated GIF Finder
Also see BALLS file - 'Matador
Has A Bad Day'
BANKING-SUPP2- 'Amazing Mind Reader Reveals His Gift' - Video
BREASTS file - 'Hardening Of The Nipples'
CHURCH-SUPP - 'Handyman Quits Synagogue'
CLOTHING file- 'A Woman And Her Desires'
......................- 'Magic Cloths' on America's Got Talent
CONDOM file - 'Young Man Buys Some Condoms
......................- 'Young Man Buys Some Condoms - Ver. 2'
CHURCH file - 'Painting The Church'
CONTRACTOR - 'Changes A Light Bulb' - Video
COWBOY file - 'Ventriloquist Cowboy And The Rancher'
DOG-SUPP - 'Talking Dog Wendy On Britain's Got Talent' - Video
ELDERLY2-SUPP- 'Oldest Showgirl in the World'
ENGLISHMAN - 'Prince Charles Vs The Photographer'
ENGLMAN-SUPP - 'Magician Jamie Raven On BGT 2015' - Video
FARMER-SUPP - 'The Farmer And The Bug Spray Salesman'
.........FOOD_ETC file- 'The Muppet Show: The Swedish Chef' - Video
.........FOOD_ETC2 - 'The Swedish Chef | The Muppets'- Video
GAMES file - 'Bottom Of The Sea'
GAMES2 file - 'The Bridge Party And The Cleaning Lady'
GOD2 file - 'Woodcutter Meets The Lord'
HEAVEN2 file - 'Teacher, Garbageman, And Lawyer Go To Heaven'
HOOKER2 file - 'Whores At A Druggist's Convention'
HOSPITAL-SUPP- 'The Will'
JEWISH3 file - 'The Taylor' - Movie
MARRIAGE3 - 'Proxy Father (photographer)'
MARRIAGE5 - 'Husband Goes To Buy Tampons'
MARRIAGE6 - 'Man Sees Magic Show '
MEXICAN file - 'Two Jews In Mexico'
MOVIES file - 'The Garbageman's Movie'
MOVIES2-SUPP2- 'Darci Lynne: 12-Year-Old Ventriloquist' - Video
......................- 'Darci Lynne And Edna On America's Got Talent 2017'
MUSIC-SUPP - 'Terry Fator And Julius Sing' - Video
MUSIC-SUPP2 - 'Dancin' The Boogie'
NUDIST file - 'Ursula Martinez: Stripper Magician' - Video
PENIS1 file - 'Drug Makes Your Dick Last'
PENIS2 file - 'Female Pharmacists'
PENIS3 file - 'Weatherman Predicts Snow'
.........PHYSICS1 file- 'Blacksmith's Riddle'
PLANE1 file - 'Plane Hired To Fly Over Fire'
POLIT-BUSH - 'Bush Plans World War III'
PREGNANT file- 'Couple Get Help For Pregnancy'
QTS-COMED-SUP- 'Jeff Dunham And Walter' - Video
.........REDNECK-SUPP2- 'Jeff Dunham And 3 Rednecks' - Video
.........RELIGION2 - 'Old Store Owner Quotes Scriptures'
SEX-SUPP - 'Jack The Optimist'
STORIES file - 'Little Girl Buys A Miracle'
SWIMMING file- 'The Lifeguard'
WAITER-Waitrs- 'Shoe Shop Next To French Restaurant'
Subj: Willie Nelson's Card Trick (S967d-iFrame)
Posted by The Official Willie Nelson
From: Bud Hathaway on Facebook
.......Click 'HERE' to watch Willie do a card trick.
Dancing Skeleton Pan Handler
..........in 2006 (S515b,d-iFrame)
This pan handling puppeteer is
excellent. His dancing
skeleton sings the song 'Lucille.' Click 'HERE' to
see this video.
Subj: Grocery Store Manager Stops Thief (S581)
From: LABLaughsClean on 3/7/2008
My friend is the manager at a
grocery store. Recently, he
nabbed a shoplifter in the act. While escorting the
suspect to the office at the front of the store (near
the cash registers), the shoplifter broke free from his
grip and attempted a brazen escape.
I should mention that my friend
was an all-county
linebacker in high school, so it was with little effort
that he brought the shoplifter down with a tackle. He
pinned the guy against the pickle display, then looked
up to see a number of surprised shoppers staring at him.
"Everything's fine, folks," he
reassured them. "This
guy just tried to go through the express line with more
than nine items!"
Subj: Feisty Old Lady Vs The Electrician (S557b)
From: ginafm on 9/19/2007
A feisty old lady had to call
the electric company for a
repairman. After a quick inspection, Al, the man from the
power company found the problem and handed her a $70 bill
"Labor charges! One hour?"
she exclaimed. "It only took
you five minutes!"
Al explained that his company
had a minimum one-hour charge
on every house call.
"Well, I want my remaining 55
minutes of labor," the lady
responded, and she handed him a rake.
Al spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves.
Subj: The Wal-Mart Greeter (S497, S676)
From: auntiegah on 8/1/2006
and From: sam.hutkins on 12/30/2009
A very unattractive, mean actin'
woman walks into Wal-mart
with her two kids. After shoving her way past several
customers waiting to get carts, she says to the Wal-mart
greeter, "Go through those carts and find me one that
doesn't need oiling for once!"
"Yes Ma'am, happy to oblige,"
says the Greeter, and goes
and picks out a cart for her.
"Here you are, Ma'am, hope this one is okay," he says.
"If you'd get out of my way,
maybe I could find out!"
snaps the woman.
"Sorry, Ma'am," the Greeter says,
standing aside, "And
you and the twins have a nice day."
The woman snarls, "They're not
twins, you moron! They
don't even look alike."
The greeter smiles, "No they
don't Ma'am. I just could
not believe you got laid twice."
Subj: The Great Zumbrati (S488b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/25/2006
Upon finishing an exceptionally
dangerous tightrope walk over
Niagara Falls in appalling wind, rain and limited visibility
'The Great Zumbrati' was met by an enthusiastic supporter,
who urged him to make a return trip, this time pushing a
wheelbarrow, which the spectator had thoughtfully brought
The Great Zumbrati was extremely
reluctant, given the terrible
conditions, but the supporter pressed him, "You can do it - I
know you can," he urged.
"You really believe I can do it?" asked The Great Zumbrati.
"Yes - definitely - you can do it." the supporter gushed.
"Are you really 100% Certain,
even given these terrible winds",
Zumbrati queried again.
"Yes, Yes, Yes?", answered the fan, gushing with expectation.
"Okay," said Zumbrati, "Get in the wheelbarrow....."
Subj: Herman On The Magician's Convention (S595c)
By Jim Unger on 5/24/2008
Subj: Exterminator Tech Phone Call (S478b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/9/2006
Source: (Removed from wtfun.com)
My husband works as a service
technician for a large
exterminating company. One of the rules of the company
is that he has to comfirm each appointment by phone the
night before his service call to that household.
One evening he made such a call,
and when a man answered
the phone, he said, "Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest
Control Company. Your wife phoned us." There was a long
silence, and then my husband heard the man on the other
end say, "Honey, it's for you....someone wants to talk to
you about your relatives."
Subj: Small Town Ambulance Driver (S477c)
From: LABLaughs.com on 3/8/2006
Driving a small town ambulance,
it was not uncommon for my
husband and I to stop at the local grocer to buy food for
dinner after a call at the end of the day. I had gone in
to get a head of lettuce and some tomatoes, and unknown to
me the floor was wet. Down I went, hitting my head hard.
When I came to, the manager of
the store was sitting beside
me telling me not to move, that he had called 911.
At the same time my pager went
off and he looked at me and
asked, "What was that?"
"My pager," I said. "I am 911."
Subj: The Clock Repairman (S464b)
From: LABLaughsClean on 12/9/2005
Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly
stops working right one
day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock
repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he
is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey,
"Vat sims to be ze problem?"
Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but
it doesn't go
'tick-tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes
The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and
steps behind the counter,
where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge
flashlight and walks over the the grandfather clock. He
turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the
clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice,
"Ve haf vays of making you tock!"
Subj: Harry, The Ice Man (s462b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/2/2005
During the summers in the early
1940's, my uncle Harry, a
young man working his way through college, was working as
an ice man and drove an ice truck up and down the streets
and alleys on the north side Chicago looking for the "ice
cards" hung on the screen doors and windows of the
residents who wished to purchase ice for their ice boxes.
The cards usually had 3 settings;
25 lbs, 50 lbs and
100 lbs. It was a poor time, the country just coming
out of the depression and facing the start of WW ii.
There were two spinster sisters
that lived alone on the
second floor of a frame wooden house on our block and
they sometimes would display their ice card in the window
for 25 lbs.
My uncle, knew they could never
scrape together the money
to pay their bill but he always stopped and took all the
broken ice pieces off his truck and carried it up to their
place and packed it in their small wooden ice box.
One day, towards the end of summer,
after he had packed
their box one of the sisters, the younger one, stepped
out on the back porch and asked to speak to him. She
seemed a bit shy and seemed flushed in embarrassment,
"Young man my sister and I know
you have helped us this
summer with the ice, even when knowing we could not pay.
We've read in books recently that sometimes women offer
their bodies for sex in exchange for favors. Well since
we have not been able to raise any money we decided to
do that for you and since I am the youngest I am
Well my uncle always claimed
that he tried to convince
her that it wasn't necessary, but knowing him, that's
highly doubtful, but he said after she insisted, he
finally gave in and said, "Okay" and then they
supposedly went at it with youthful fervor.
Afterwards, he thanked the woman
and dressed, took out
his receipt book and wrote "PAID IN FULL" and handed it
to the sister.
The women looked at the bill
for only a second and blurted
out, "Now, look here, young man, we got that ice a little
piece at a time and we damn well intend paying for it the
Triumph Gives The Hawaii Weather Report
..........in 2007 (S552d-On Site)
(Click on 'Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog' for other videos)
Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog,
gives The Hawaii weather
report. You can see it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Janitor With Rocks (S454)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/26/2005
A very small female janitor (4'10",
90 pounds) worked at
an amusement park and was told to go out and sweep up the
As she was getting ready to head
out to clean up, her
supervisor noticed her putting rocks in her pockets. When
asked what she was doing, she pointed out that it was so
windy out she was afraid of getting knocked over by the
wind. 'So,' she said, 'now I weigh me down to sweep.'
Subj: Night Watchman At A Factory (S422)
From: DafterLafter on 2/23/2005
(Also see 'Smuggling From Mexico' in Bicycle)
A man got a job as a night watchman
at a factory. There
had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift,
and so every morning when the night shift workers passed
through his gate it was his job to check their bags and
pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen.
Things were going along very
well the first night on the job
until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspaper came through
his gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up
what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the
paper only to find nothing.
Still he felt that the man was
acting strangely, so he
questioned him about the paper.
"I get a little extra money from
newspapers I recycle, so I go
into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have
The guard let him pass, but decided
to keep a close eye on
The next night it was the same,
and the night after that.
Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the
wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard's checkpoint. The
guard would always check and find nothing.
Then one night, about a year
later, the guard reported for
work only to find a message had been left for him telling
him to report to his supervisor.
He walked into the supervisor's
office and before he could
say a word, the boss said, "You're fired!"
"Fired?" he asked in total surprise. "Why? What did I do?"
"It was your job to make sure
that no one stole anything
from this plant and you have failed. So you're fired."
"Wait a minute, what do you mean
failed. Nobody ever stole
anything from this place while I was on guard."
"Oh, really," the boss answered.
"Then how do you account
for the fact that there are 365 wheelbarrows missing?"
Subj: Finding A Claim Ticket From WWII (S421b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 2/17/2005
Stanley comes home after his
mother's funeral to try to put
her place in order. He goes up to the attic to look around
and finds an old trunk. Looking in it, he discovers his
father's WWll uniform.
So he tries it on and it's a
little tight on him. Before
taking it off, he puts his hand in the pocket and comes up
with a ticket. Looking at it, he finds a shoe repair ticket
for Herman's on West 53rd Street in New York, dated January
He can barely believe it.
An unclaimed ticket from 55 years
ago. Weeks later, Stabley happens to be in the area of West
53rd and wanders over to see where the shoe repair was. He
can't believe his good luck; the shoe repair store is still
there. He wanders in and tells the story of finding the
ticket to the old man.
The man says his name is Herman
and has owned the shop for
60 years. "Gimme the ticket" says Herman and wanders to the
back of the shop. Stanley is amazed. What good fortune!
What a coincidence!
Herman comes back. "I've
got your shoes. They'll be done
Subj: Door-To-Door Vacuum Cleaner Salesman (S410b, S634c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/25/2004
A little old woman answered a
knock on the door one day,
only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying
a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If
I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like
to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old woman.
"I haven't got any money!" and
she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man
wedged his foot in the door
and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said.
"Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
In addition, with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure
onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not
remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet,
Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old woman stepped back and
said, "Well I hope you've got
a darned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity
Subj: Bizarro Cartoon (S992)
By Dan Piraro on 8/13/2013
Subj: Baby Names Based On Occupation (S404b)
From: DafterLafter on 6/4/2004
(See 'What Do You Call A...' in Handicapped)
Baby name ideas, based on your occupation.....
Thief's son: Rob
Lawyer's son: Will
Doctor's son: Bill
Meteorologist's daughter: Haley
Steam shovel operator's son: Doug
Hair stylist's son: Bob
Homeopathic doctor's son: Herb
Justice of the peace's daughter: Mary
Sound stage technician's son: Mike
Hot-dog vendor's son: Frank
Gambler's daughter: Betty
Exercise guru's son: Jim
Cattle thief's son: Russell
Painter's son: Art
Iron worker's son: Rusty
TV show star's daughter: Emmy
Movie star's son: Oscar
Barber's son: Harry
Housewife's son: Dusty
Minister's daughter: Faith
Day-trader's daughter: Hope
Televangelist's daughter: Charity
Geneticist's son: Gene
Espresso vendor's son: Joe
Undertaker's son: Barry
Beautician's son: Curly
Gardener's daughter: Daisy
Florist's daughter: Rose
Baker's daughter: Cookie
Manicurist's son: Hans
Athlete's son: Victor
Plumber's son: John
Accountant's son: Ira
Musician's daughter: Melody
Jeweler's daughter: Opal
Gastrointerologist's daughter: Fanny
Butcher's daughter: Patty
Bartender's daughter: Brandy
Counterfeiter's son: Bill
Museum curator's son: Art
Book printer's daughter: Paige
Trout fisher's daughter: Brook
Publisher's daughter: Mag
Woodworker's daughter: Peg
Tennis player's son: Ace
Clothing manufacturer's daughter: Polly Esther
Teacher's son: Mark
Singer's twin daughters: Harmony and Melody Highway
patrolman's son: Chase
Subj: How To End The Careers Of Professionals (S402b)
From: jokes on 10/5/2004
If lawyers are disbarred and
clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged, models deposed (and eventually disfigured)
and dry cleaners depressed?
Laundry workers could decrease,
eventually becoming depressed
and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball
players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bull-
dozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered,
the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers
will eventually decompose. As a student, I spent all my time
wishing to be detested and degraded.
On a more positive note though,
perhaps we can hope politicians
will be devoted.
Subj: TV Repairman And The Housewife (S402b)
From: Anonymous Junior on 10/02/04
The little sexy housewife was
built so well the TV repairman
couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the
room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking
When he'd finished she paid him
and said, "I'm going to make
a . .well . unusual request. But you have to first promise
me you'll keep it a secret."
The repairman quickly agreed
and she went on. "Well, it's
kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is
a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical
weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're
a man . . "
The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"
"And since I've been wanting
to ever since you came in the
door . . ."
"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"
Subj: Texas Pharmacy Sells Drugs At Cost (S399b)
From: jerry on 8/9/2004
McKinney pharmacy of Texas has
announced that they will now
sell prescription drugs to uninsured and underinsured customers
at cost. This is good.
But the article indicates, as
an example, that a drug, normally
costing $240 will cost just $16.68 for these folks. And you
thought it was the drug companies who were making all the profit
on drugs, didn't you? This is bad.
Houston Chronicle 31-Jul-4
Subj: Plumber's Truck (S395)
From: gheckman on 8/22/2004
Subj: Shoe Repair (S341b)
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/23/2003
Arnold and his wife were cleaning
out the attic one day when
he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The
date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven
years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of
them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a
"Do you think the shoes will
still be in the shop?" Arnold
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said,
pocketing the ticket. He
went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the
With a straight face, he handed
the ticket to the man
behind the counter.
With a face just as straight,
the man said, "Just a
minute. I'll have to look for these."
He disappeared into a dark corner
at the back of the shop.
Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who
would have thought they'd still be here after all this
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed.
"They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
Subj: Short Other Occupation Jokes
Grand Canyon Photographer (S593c)
From: tom on 5/29/2008
Chris wrote and explained that
the four photos were real,
but the whole thing was a fake and that I should have
checked it at Snopes.com. You can see how the pictures
were staged at the bottom of the attached web page.
Thank you Chris for catching my error.
Subj: Two Economists Are Walking Down The Street (S453)
From: Anon Jr. on 9/22/2005
Source: (Removed from netec.wustl.edu)
Two economists were walking down the street when they noticed
two women yelling across the street at each other from their
"Of course they will never come to agreement" stated the first
"And why is that" inquired his companion.
"Why, of course, because they are arguing from different premises."
Steve Martin's "The Great Flydini"
From: edapsmas in 2008
..........(S591b, S847d-On Site)
The Magician And The Window
..........in 2008 (S591d-iFrame)
Subj: Human Cannonball Retires From Circus (S447)
From: Readers Digest on September of 2005
After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human
cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going
"But you can't" protested the
boss. "Where am I going to
find another man of your caliber?"
The Nude Magician
..........in 2007 (S567b,d-On Site)
The Magician And The Quarter
..........in 2007 (S567d-iFrame)
..........in 2007 (S552d-iFrame)
The Juggler - GIF (S533b)
From: rfslick on 4/8/2007
Grocery Store Magician
..........in 2007 (S528d-iFrame)
..........From: igiggle in 2006
and From: rfslick in 2007
The British Dry Cleaners
..........in 2006 (S477b,d-On Site)
The Carpet Layer
..........in 2006 (S475c,d-iFrame)
Repairing Our Space Station - GIF (S437)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 6/13/2005
Source: (Removed from LabLaughs.com)
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/23/2003 (S334b)
There's no workman, whatsoever he be, that may both
work well and hastily. -- Chaucer (c. 1343 - 1400)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/19/2005 (S416b)
"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only
advise his clients to plant vines." -- Frank Lloyd Wright
From: RFSlick on 9/22/2007 (S557b -
Wisdom is not knowing when to pick-up something hot,
but knowing to put it back down.
A blacksmith had just gotten
done making a new horseshoe.
It had just turned from red back to brown when a boy walked
into the shop. Holding the horseshoe with a set of tongs,
the blacksmith thrust it forward and said "Here boy look
The boy took the horseshoe in
his hand and immediately
handed it back.
The blacksmith asked "Why did you return it so fast?"
The boy answered "It doesn't
take me long to look at
..........................Plummer from Smiley_Central