Subj:     Alien and SciFi Jokes
                 (Includes 34 jokes and articles, 05 1081,19,cL2f,wXT3a6a,14)

Alien Waves from
Includes the following:  Calvin And Hobbs On Intelligent Life (S769)
.........................Minions - Alien Puppy - Short Film (S936)
.........................Are We Alone In The Universe? - Video (S763)
.........................Bizarro Cartoon (DU)
.........................Do Aliens Exist? - Video (S669b)
.........................Alien At The Gas Station (S10, S749)
.........................Speed Bump Cartoon (S998)
.........................11 UFO Photos (S584b)
.........................Meat Planet
.........................Dog Noses - Photo (S1081)
.........................How Aliens Fish - Video (S629b)
.........................Martian Sex (S347b, S598b)
.........................Crop Circles Decoded - Video (S673)
.........................How To Greet Aliens
.........................Close Encounters Of The Redneck Kind - Video (S682)
.........................Short Alien And SciFi Jokes
..............................Wanting An Alien Abduction - Cartoon (S412)
..............................Herman Sunday Comic Strip (S628c)
..............................Non Sequitur Cartoon (S624b)
..............................Alien Invasion - GIF (S587c)
..............................Rubes Cartoon (S624b)
..............................Crop Circles (S498b)
..............................Direct Video Feed From The Mars Rover: - GIF (S453)
..............................UFO Drivers License - GIF (S452b)
..............................Two Aliens Talk (S401)

Also see POLITICAL2   - 'Hmmm....Coincidence???'
         STAR TREK-S1 -  (see whole file)
         STAR TREK-S2 -  (see whole file)

Subj:     Calvin And Hobbs On Intelligent Life (S769)
          From: Ruby Lou on 9/29/2011 (in Facebook)
 Source: Philosophy of a Twisted Mind
Subj:     Minions - Alien Puppy
          From: James Canady
..........(S936d-On Site)
 Source1: http://despicableme.wikia.com/wiki/Puppy
 Source2: facebook.com/video.php?v=10203391130192068

 Puppy is an short film that was attached to Despicable Me 2. It
 centers around the relationship between Dave and a miniature UFO.
Dave, seeing many owners walk their dogs,
wants a puppy of his own. He tries to
leash Kyle, a squirrel, a pigeon, and a
ladybug, but fails each time. A miniature
UFO then appears and abducts the ladybug.
Dave, enamored by the strange being,
convinces the UFO to become his puppy 
.with a few cheeseballs. He trains it and the two become really
 close.  Click 'HERE' to see this cute, short film.

Subj:     Are We Alone In The Universe?
          From: Wimp.com on 7/10/2011
..........(S763d-On Site)
 Source1: www.wimp.com/alienfear/
 Source2: www.youtube.com/embed/xPUOBd94_cY

 Sgt. Clifford Stone, Army UFO Consultant, Ret. and Robert Dean,
 NATO Intelligence Analyst, Ret. came forward and broke the
 silence agreement.  They explained "We are not alone in the
 universe."  Click 'HERE' to see this mind blowing video.

Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (DU)
          By Dan Piraro
Source: bizarro.com/comics/december-6-2014/
Subj:     Do Aliens Exist? (S669b,d-On Site)
          From: Wimp.com on 10/8/2009
          At: www.wimp.com/aliensexist/

 This video is a set of three lectures by Michio Kaka,
 professor in physics, City University, New York.
 Click 'HERE' to listen Michio discuss our search
 for exterrestrials.

Subj:     Alien At The Gas Station (S10, S749)
          From TNKRTEACH on 97-03-28

 Two aliens landed in the west Texas desert near an abandoned
 gas station.  They approached one of the gas pumps, and one
 of the aliens addressed it,

 "Greetings Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

 The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated
 the greeting.  There still was no response.

 The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's
 haughty attitude, drew his ray gun and said impatiently,
 "Greetings Earthling.  We come in peace.  How dare you ignore
 us in this way!  Take us to your leader or I'll fire!"

 The other alien shouted to his comrade, "No, you don't want
 to make him mad."  But before he finished his warning, the
 first alien fired.

 There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters
 into the desert, where they landed in a heap.  When they
 finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to
 the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature!  It damn
 near killed us!  How did you know it was so dangerous?"

 The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned
 during my travels through the galaxy... any guy who can wrap
 his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his own
 ear, is someone you shouldn't mess with!"

Subj:     Speed Bump Cartoon (S998)
          Drawn by Dave Coverly on 6/3/2015
          From: Sam Perkins on Facebook on 2/25/2016
 Source: www.gocomics.com/speedbump/2015/06/03
Subj:     11 UFO Photos (S584b)
          From: AOL News on 3/30/2008
 Source: (Removed from news.aol.com/story)

 The tiny beach town of Capitola, Calif., is buzzing about a
 mysterious object that appears to have been photographed on
 May 16 of last year.  Someone using the name Raji posted
 images on the Web site Craigslist, answered a few questions
 from UFO hunters around the world, and then just disappeared
 into cyberspace.

 You can view these eleven UFO photos by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Meat Planet
          Written by Terry Bisson for OMNI Magazine.
          From: Cypriot on 9/13/2002

 Imagine if you will ... the leader of the fifth invader
 force speaking to the commander in chief ...

 "They're made out of meat."


 "Meat. They're made out of meat."


 "There's no doubt about it.  We picked several from
 different parts of the planet, took them aboard our
 recon vessels, probed them all the way through.  They
 are completely meat."

 "That's impossible.  What about the radio signals?  The
 messages to the stars."

 "They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't
 come from them. The signals come from machines."

 "So who made the machines?  That's who we want to contact."

 "They made the machines.  That's what I'm trying to tell
 you.  Meat made the machines."

 "That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine?  You're
 asking me to believe in sentient meat."

 "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you.  These creatures
 are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made
 out of meat."

 "Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based
 intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

 "Nope.  They're born meat and they die meat.  We studied
 them for several of their life spans, which didn't take
 too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"

 "Spare me.  Okay, maybe they're only part meat.  You know,
 like the Weddilei.  A meat head with an electron plasma
 brain inside."

 "Nope.  We thought of that, since they do have meat heads
 like the Weddilei.  But I told you, we probed them.  They
 are meat all the way through."

 "No brain?"

 "Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain
 is made out of meat!"

 "So... what does the thinking?"

 "You're not understanding, are you?  The brain does the
 thinking.  The meat."

 "Thinking meat!  You're asking me to believe in thinking

 "Yes, thinking meat!  Conscious meat!  Loving meat.
 Dreaming meat.  The meat is the whole deal!  Are you
 getting the picture?"

 "Omigod.  You're serious then.  They're made out of meat."

 "Finally, Yes.  They are indeed made out meat.  And they
 have been trying to get in touch with us for almost a
 hundred of their years."

 "So what does the meat have in mind?"

 "First it wants to talk to us.  Then I imagine it wants
 to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap
 ideas and information.  The usual."

 "We're supposed to talk to meat?"

 "That's the idea.  That's the message they're sending out
 by radio.  'Hello.  Anyone out there?  Anyone home?'
 That sort of thing."

 "They actually do talk, then.  They use words, ideas,

 "Oh, yes.  Except they do it with meat."

 "I thought you just told me they used radio."

 "They do, but what do you think is on the radio?  Meat
 sounds.  You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes
 a noise?  They talk by flapping their meat at each other.
 They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

 "Omigod.  Singing meat.  This is altogether too much.  So
 what do you advise?"

 "Officially or unofficially?"


 "Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log
 in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant,
 without prejudice, fear, or favor.  Unofficially, I advise
 that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

 "I was hoping you would say that."

 "It seems harsh, but there is a limit.  Do we really want
 to make contact with meat?"

 "I agree one hundred percent.  What's there to say?" `Hello,
 meat.  How's it going?'  But will this work?  How many
 planets are we dealing with here?"

 "Just one.  They can travel to other planets in special
 meat containers, but they can't live on them.  And being
 meat, they only travel through C space.  Which limits them
 to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their
 ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

 "So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."

 "That's it."

 "Cruel.  But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat?
 And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you
 have probed?  You're sure they won't remember?"

 "They'll be considered crackpots if they do.  We went into
 their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just
 a dream to them."

 "A dream to meat!  How strangely appropriate, that we
 should be meat's dream."

 "And we can mark this sector unoccupied."

 "Good.  Agreed, officially and unofficially.  Case closed.
 Any others?  Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

 "Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster
 intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone.  Was in
 contact two galactic rotation ago, wants to be friendly

 "They always come around."

 "And why not?  Imagine how unbearably, how utterly, cold
 this galaxy would be if one were all alone with no-one
 to talk to but meat."

Subj:     Dog Noses (S1081)
          From: AFine963 on 10/4/2017
 Source: www.astroalima.com/2012/11/23/aliens-amongst-us/
Subj:     How Aliens Fish (S629b,d-iFrame)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 1/26/2009
..........At: www.youtube.com/embed/IqAdnQtvsHs

 This Bud Light commercial is cute.  You can see it
 by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Martian Sex (S347b, S598b)
          From: hellgunner50 on 9/22/2003 and 6/29/2008

 A young couple is living on a farm. One evening a flying saucer
 lands on the farm, right next to their house.  Out of the flying
 saucer steps a young Martian couple, and they look very much
 like humans.  The earth woman invites the Martians for dinner.
 They all sit down and start talking.  They begin exchanging ideas
 and traditions, and they get to liking each other so much that
 they decide to switch partners for the night.  The farmer and the
 Martian's wife go into one of the rooms, and the farmer's wife
 and the Martian man go into the other room.

 As the Martian man takes off his pants, the farmer's wife looks
 down and sees that his phallus is extremely small.  "What are you
 gonna do with that?" she asks.

 "I'll show you," he says, and proceeds to twist his right ear.
 Suddenly his penis extends to a foot and a half.  However, it is
 still only as thick as a pencil.

 "That's pretty long," says the woman, "but it's really not very

 The Martian then reaches up, twists his left ear, and he becomes
 as thick as a huge sausage. They then proceed to have sex.

 The next morning, the Martians take off and the farmer and his
 wife are having breakfast. "So, how was it?" asks the farmer.

 "It was great," says the wife, "the best sex I've ever had!  How
 was yours?"

 "Well," says the farmer, "it was kinda weird. All night long she
 kept playing with my ears."

Second version:

 A young man and woman have only been married for two days.
 One night, just as they are getting ready to go to bed, they
 hear a noise in the backyard, kind of like a vacuum cleaner
 in reverse.  They put on their robes and run outside, there,
 hovering over the lawn is a flying saucer.  It lands, and
 two tall, beautiful silver aliens get out. Obviously a
 male and a female, and according to earth standard, quite
 beautiful.  They explain to the newlyweds that they need to
 stay overnight to effect repairs to their ship.

 The young couple agrees, and invite the aliens in for a
 snack.  The aliens agree, but say that it would only be
 sociable to then invite the newlyweds for a snack.  "We
 will invite you aboard our spacecraft, but you must abide
 by our customs.  You must stay the night, and it is only
 courteous that we change partners for the night."  The
 newlyweds talk it over and agree.

 That night, the wife is with the male alien.  He undresses
 and she stares at his perfect body.  Then  her gaze crosses
 his groin, and a look of disappointment comes over her.  "Is
 there something  wrong?" asks the alien.

 "Well, you seem so ... uh... small." "No problem," replies
 the alien, he twists  his ear and his organ grows longer.
 The woman still seems disappointed.  She indicates she
 would  like the alien to be "wider."  He twists the other
 ear and grows wider.

 The next morning over breakfast, the wife tells her husband
 what a wonderful night she had with  the alien, and that
 she can hardly wait to share some of the techniques with her
 husband the next  night.  "Honey, how was your night?" she
 asks.  "Terrible" he said.  "The female alien was truly
 beautiful, but all she did was twist my ears all night long."

Subj:     Crop Circles Decoded 
          From: Wimp.com (S673d-On Site)
 Source1: www.wimp.com/cropcircles/
 Source2: humansarefree.com/2011/02/two-/

 On Tuesday 21st August 2001 two new crop formations were
 reported near Chilbolton radio telescope in Hampshire, UK.

 Both were very impressive looking and consisted of a large
 number of small 'pixels', which when viewed from the air
 formed a recognisable shape - unlike many other crop formations.

 One represented a 'human face' and the other resembled a
 radio transmission that SETI (the Search for Extra-Terrestrial
 Intelligence) sent from the Arecibo radio telescope in 1974.

 Click 'HERE' to see a video titled Peace on decoding these
 crop circles.

Subj:     How To Greet Aliens
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-07-23

 I'm up trying to view the Perseid meteor shower, and it's
 not very spectacular tonight, so I rummage through CIS for
 a while, and find a bunch of people who are convinced that
 the appropriate greeting when meeting a space alien is "Gnorts."

 Why "Gnorts" you say?

 It simple. In the heavily-orchestrated, gov't-disinformation-
 rich Apollo Moon landing program, what was the name the gov't
 used to refer to the first man who landed on the Moon?

 "Neil Armstrong."

 Yeah, right, as if that is his *real* name. Turns out it was
 in code. Backward, it is:

 "Gnorts, Mr. Alien!"

 And now you know the rest of the story ...

Subj:     Close Encounters Of The Redneck Kind
          From: GILBERT.HENDERSON.JR on 2/6/10
 Source: www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tOnd3NZ_HQ

 Click 'HERE' to see this cute remake of this famous movie scene.

Subj:     Short Alien  And SciFi Jokes

Subj:     Wanting An Alien Abduction (S412)
          From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/16/2004
          At: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
Subj:     Herman Sunday Comic Strip (S628c)
          By Jim Unger on 1/18/2009
 Source: www.comics.com/herman/
 You can see this cute Sonday comic strip on by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Non Sequitur Cartoon (S624b)
          By Wiley Miller on 1/16/2009
 Source: www.gocomics.com/nonsequitur/2009/01/16
Subj:     Alien Invasion - GIF (S587c)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 4/16/2008
..........At: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 You can view this cute animated GIF by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Rubes Cartoon (S624b)
          By Leigh Rubin on 12/24/2008
 Source: www.gocomics.com/rubes/2008/12/24
Subj:     Crop Circles (S498b)
..........From: edapsmas on 8/6/2006
 Source: (Removed from wired.com/news)

 Crop Circles Gain Perspective
      By Nigel Watson| Also by this reporter

 Crop circles have started appearing again in the English
 countryside, but this time in a new permutation.

 A crop circle in a complicated three-dimensional design
 was discovered in the first week of July near Ashbury,
 Oxfordshire.  The exaggerated perspective of the formation,
 which is approximately 360 feet in diameter, suggests a
 bird's-eye view of a group of skyscrapers, as though the
 viewer was looking down on a city center from directly

 You can view these Crop Circles by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Direct Video Feed From The Mars Rover: (S453)
          From: Tom Luthman's Webpage on 9/19/2005
 Source: www.planettom.home.mindspring.com/marscam/
 You can connect to the live feed by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     UFO Drivers License - GIF (S452b)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 9/13/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
 To view this animated GIF by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Two Aliens Talk (S401)
          From: LABLaughsAdult 2004-08-11
          on 8/11/2004
 Two aliens were discussing earth beings.
 "So what do you think of them?" said the first.
 "Well," the other replied, "I liked the intelligent ones,
  but I wasn't so keen on the ones with testicles."

From: BawdyNet test part 3! on 98-03-01
 *Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book
  in every Dewey-decimal category.

                           -(o o)-
..............................From Smiley_Central