Subj: Alien and SciFi Jokes
(Includes 34 jokes and articles, 05 1081,19,cL2f,wXT3a6a,14)
Alien Waves from
Also see POLITICAL2 - 'Hmmm....Coincidence???'
STAR TREK-S1 - (see whole file)
STAR TREK-S2 - (see whole file)
Subj: Calvin And Hobbs On Intelligent Life (S769)
From: Ruby Lou on 9/29/2011 (in Facebook)
Source: Philosophy of a Twisted Mind
Minions - Alien Puppy
From: James Canady
is an short film that was attached to Despicable Me 2. It
centers around the relationship between Dave and a miniature UFO.
||Dave, seeing many owners
walk their dogs,
wants a puppy of his own. He tries to
leash Kyle, a squirrel, a pigeon, and a
ladybug, but fails each time. A miniature
UFO then appears and abducts the ladybug.
Dave, enamored by the strange being,
convinces the UFO to become his puppy
Are We Alone In The Universe?
From: Wimp.com on 7/10/2011
Sgt. Clifford Stone, Army UFO
Consultant, Ret. and Robert Dean,
NATO Intelligence Analyst, Ret. came forward and broke the
silence agreement. They explained "We are not alone in the
universe." Click 'HERE' to see this mind blowing video.
Subj: Bizarro Cartoon (DU)
By Dan Piraro
Do Aliens Exist? (S669b,d-On Site)
From: Wimp.com on 10/8/2009
This video is a set of three
lectures by Michio Kaka,
professor in physics, City University, New York.
Click 'HERE' to listen Michio discuss our search
Subj: Alien At The Gas Station (S10, S749)
From TNKRTEACH on 97-03-28
Two aliens landed in the west
Texas desert near an abandoned
gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one
of the aliens addressed it,
"Greetings Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The gas pump, of course, didn't
respond. The alien repeated
the greeting. There still was no response.
The alien, annoyed by what he
perceived to be the gas pump's
haughty attitude, drew his ray gun and said impatiently,
"Greetings Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore
us in this way! Take us to your leader or I'll fire!"
The other alien shouted to his
comrade, "No, you don't want
to make him mad." But before he finished his warning, the
first alien fired.
There was a huge explosion that
blew both of them 200 meters
into the desert, where they landed in a heap. When they
finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to
the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature! It damn
near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?"
The other alien answered, "If
there's one thing I've learned
during my travels through the galaxy... any guy who can wrap
his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his own
ear, is someone you shouldn't mess with!"
Subj: Speed Bump Cartoon (S998)
Drawn by Dave Coverly on 6/3/2015
From: Sam Perkins on Facebook on 2/25/2016
11 UFO Photos (S584b)
From: AOL News on 3/30/2008
Source: (Removed from news.aol.com/story)
The tiny beach town of Capitola,
Calif., is buzzing about a
mysterious object that appears to have been photographed on
May 16 of last year. Someone using the name Raji posted
images on the Web site Craigslist, answered a few questions
from UFO hunters around the world, and then just disappeared
You can view these eleven UFO photos by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Meat Planet
Written by Terry Bisson for OMNI Magazine.
From: Cypriot on 9/13/2002
Imagine if you will ... the leader
of the fifth invader
force speaking to the commander in chief ...
"They're made out of meat."
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"There's no doubt about it.
We picked several from
different parts of the planet, took them aboard our
recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They
are completely meat."
"That's impossible. What
about the radio signals? The
messages to the stars."
"They use the radio waves to
talk, but the signals don't
come from them. The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines.
That's what I'm trying to tell
you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat
make a machine? You're
asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling
you. These creatures
are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made
out of meat."
"Maybe they're like the Orfolei.
You know, a carbon-based
intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat
and they die meat. We studied
them for several of their life spans, which didn't take
too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe
they're only part meat. You know,
like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma
"Nope. We thought of that,
since they do have meat heads
like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They
are meat all the way through."
"Oh, there is a brain all right.
It's just that the brain
is made out of meat!"
"So... what does the thinking?"
"You're not understanding, are
you? The brain does the
thinking. The meat."
"Thinking meat! You're
asking me to believe in thinking
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious
meat! Loving meat.
Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you
getting the picture?"
"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."
"Finally, Yes. They are
indeed made out meat. And they
have been trying to get in touch with us for almost a
hundred of their years."
"So what does the meat have in mind?"
"First it wants to talk to us.
Then I imagine it wants
to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap
ideas and information. The usual."
"We're supposed to talk to meat?"
"That's the idea. That's
the message they're sending out
by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?'
That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then.
They use words, ideas,
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think
is on the radio? Meat
sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes
a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other.
They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat.
This is altogether too much. So
what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Officially, we are required
to contact, welcome, and log
in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant,
without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise
that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is
a limit. Do we really want
to make contact with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent.
What's there to say?" `Hello,
meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many
planets are we dealing with here?"
"Just one. They can travel
to other planets in special
meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being
meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them
to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their
ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."
"Cruel. But you said it
yourself, who wants to meet meat?
And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you
have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"
"They'll be considered crackpots
if they do. We went into
their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just
a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely
appropriate, that we
should be meat's dream."
"And we can mark this sector unoccupied."
"Good. Agreed, officially
and unofficially. Case closed.
Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet
hydrogen core cluster
intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in
contact two galactic rotation ago, wants to be friendly
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how
unbearably, how utterly, cold
this galaxy would be if one were all alone with no-one
to talk to but meat."
Subj: Dog Noses (S1081)
From: AFine963 on 10/4/2017
How Aliens Fish (S629b,d-iFrame)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/26/2009
This Bud Light commercial is
cute. You can see it
by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Martian Sex (S347b, S598b)
From: hellgunner50 on 9/22/2003 and 6/29/2008
A young couple is living on a
farm. One evening a flying saucer
lands on the farm, right next to their house. Out of the flying
saucer steps a young Martian couple, and they look very much
like humans. The earth woman invites the Martians for dinner.
They all sit down and start talking. They begin exchanging ideas
and traditions, and they get to liking each other so much that
they decide to switch partners for the night. The farmer and the
Martian's wife go into one of the rooms, and the farmer's wife
and the Martian man go into the other room.
As the Martian man takes off
his pants, the farmer's wife looks
down and sees that his phallus is extremely small. "What are you
gonna do with that?" she asks.
"I'll show you," he says, and
proceeds to twist his right ear.
Suddenly his penis extends to a foot and a half. However, it is
still only as thick as a pencil.
"That's pretty long," says the
woman, "but it's really not very
The Martian then reaches up,
twists his left ear, and he becomes
as thick as a huge sausage. They then proceed to have sex.
The next morning, the Martians
take off and the farmer and his
wife are having breakfast. "So, how was it?" asks the farmer.
"It was great," says the wife,
"the best sex I've ever had! How
"Well," says the farmer, "it
was kinda weird. All night long she
kept playing with my ears."
A young man and woman have only
been married for two days.
One night, just as they are getting ready to go to bed, they
hear a noise in the backyard, kind of like a vacuum cleaner
in reverse. They put on their robes and run outside, there,
hovering over the lawn is a flying saucer. It lands, and
two tall, beautiful silver aliens get out. Obviously a
male and a female, and according to earth standard, quite
beautiful. They explain to the newlyweds that they need to
stay overnight to effect repairs to their ship.
The young couple agrees, and
invite the aliens in for a
snack. The aliens agree, but say that it would only be
sociable to then invite the newlyweds for a snack. "We
will invite you aboard our spacecraft, but you must abide
by our customs. You must stay the night, and it is only
courteous that we change partners for the night." The
newlyweds talk it over and agree.
That night, the wife is with
the male alien. He undresses
and she stares at his perfect body. Then her gaze crosses
his groin, and a look of disappointment comes over her. "Is
there something wrong?" asks the alien.
"Well, you seem so ... uh...
small." "No problem," replies
the alien, he twists his ear and his organ grows longer.
The woman still seems disappointed. She indicates she
would like the alien to be "wider." He twists the other
ear and grows wider.
The next morning over breakfast,
the wife tells her husband
what a wonderful night she had with the alien, and that
she can hardly wait to share some of the techniques with her
husband the next night. "Honey, how was your night?" she
asks. "Terrible" he said. "The female alien was truly
beautiful, but all she did was twist my ears all night long."
Crop Circles Decoded
From: Wimp.com (S673d-On Site)
On Tuesday 21st August 2001 two
new crop formations were
reported near Chilbolton radio telescope in Hampshire, UK.
Both were very impressive looking
and consisted of a large
number of small 'pixels', which when viewed from the air
formed a recognisable shape - unlike many other crop formations.
One represented a 'human face'
and the other resembled a
radio transmission that SETI (the Search for Extra-Terrestrial
Intelligence) sent from the Arecibo radio telescope in 1974.
to see a video titled Peace on decoding these
Subj: How To Greet Aliens
From: TNKRTEACH on 97-07-23
I'm up trying to view the Perseid
meteor shower, and it's
not very spectacular tonight, so I rummage through CIS for
a while, and find a bunch of people who are convinced that
the appropriate greeting when meeting a space alien is "Gnorts."
Why "Gnorts" you say?
It simple. In the heavily-orchestrated,
rich Apollo Moon landing program, what was the name the gov't
used to refer to the first man who landed on the Moon?
Yeah, right, as if that is his
*real* name. Turns out it was
in code. Backward, it is:
"Gnorts, Mr. Alien!"
And now you know the rest of the story ...
Close Encounters Of The Redneck Kind
From: GILBERT.HENDERSON.JR on 2/6/10
Click 'HERE' to see this cute remake of this famous movie scene.
Subj: Short Alien And SciFi Jokes
An Alien Abduction (S412)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 12/16/2004
At: (Removed from ezines4all.com)
Herman Sunday Comic Strip (S628c)
By Jim Unger on 1/18/2009
Subj: Non Sequitur Cartoon (S624b)
By Wiley Miller on 1/16/2009
Alien Invasion - GIF (S587c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/16/2008
..........At: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: Rubes Cartoon (S624b)
By Leigh Rubin on 12/24/2008
Crop Circles (S498b)
..........From: edapsmas on 8/6/2006
Source: (Removed from wired.com/news)
Crop Circles Gain Perspective
By Nigel Watson| Also by this reporter
Crop circles have started appearing
again in the English
countryside, but this time in a new permutation.
A crop circle in a complicated
was discovered in the first week of July near Ashbury,
Oxfordshire. The exaggerated perspective of the formation,
which is approximately 360 feet in diameter, suggests a
bird's-eye view of a group of skyscrapers, as though the
viewer was looking down on a city center from directly
You can view these Crop Circles
by clicking 'HERE'.
Direct Video Feed From The Mars Rover: (S453)
From: Tom Luthman's Webpage on 9/19/2005
UFO Drivers License - GIF (S452b)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 9/13/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: Two Aliens Talk (S401)
From: LABLaughsAdult 2004-08-11
Two aliens were discussing earth beings.
"So what do you think of them?" said the first.
"Well," the other replied, "I liked the intelligent ones,
but I wasn't so keen on the ones with testicles."
From: BawdyNet test part 3! on 98-03-01
*Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book
in every Dewey-decimal category.