blonde1

>>>
Subj: Blonde1 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 34 jokes and articles)

Also see ALLIGATOR    - 'Alligator Shoes'
         ARKANSAS     - 'Woman Shot In Car'
         BODY PARTS   - 'Blonde Sees Eye Doctor'
         CANADA file - 'Snowplowing In Ottawa'
         CARS1 file   - 'Man Paints Porch'
         CARS SUPP    - 'Moving To The Back Seat'
         CATS2 file   - 'Cat Looses It's Tail'
         CHURCH file - 'Blonde Man Gets Black Eye'
         CLOTHING file- 'Two Cajuns Buy Cloths In Texas'
.........COLLEGE2 file- 'Blonde Takes College Final'
         COMPUTERS3   - 'Tech Support'
         CONTRACTOR   - 'Blondes At The Lumberyard'
         COWBOY2 file - 'Blonde Cowboy'
......................- 'Two Cowpokes And The Indian Head'
         COWS-SHEEP   - 'Milk Baths'
......................- 'Shepherd Makes A Bet'
         DATING1 file - 'Picking Up Girls With Potatoes'
         DOCTOR2 file - 'Woman Goes On Anal Diet'
......................- 'Doctor Prescribes A Diet'
         FIREMEN file - 'Blonde Calls Fire Department'
         FARNER1 file - 'Blonde City Girl And The Colorado Rancher'
         FISHING1 file- 'Drunk Goes Ice Fishing'
         FOOTBALL file- 'Blonde At A Football Game'
         GAMES file   - 'Nude Craps'
         GENIE file   - 'Three Blonds Find A Genie'
......................- 'Three Blonds Find A Fairy'
         HOOKER2 file - 'Pres. Bush Wants A Call Girl'
         HORSE file   - 'Horseback Riding Accident'
         IRISH1 file - 'Irish, English And Scotsman Discussing Their Wives'
         MAILMAN-ETC - 'Blonde Wants Milk Bath'
         MARRIAGE5    - 'Husband Can't Satisfy His Wife'
         OTHER-ANIMALS- 'Taking A Load Of Penguins To The Zoo'
         PENIS1 file - 'Sun Burned Dick'
         PHONE file   - 'Blonde Gets A Cell Phone'
         POLICE file - 'K-9 Unit Responds To Burglary'
         PSYCHOLOGIST - 'The Psychiatrist And The Hostess'
         REDHEAD file - 'Two Salors Talk About Girls'
         SHIPS file   - 'Blonde Boater'
         THANKSGV-SUPP- 'Pregnant Turkey'
         TRUCK-BUS    - 'Blonde Bowling Team Rides A Bus'
BLONDE1 and 2 file contains jokes
BLONDE3 file contains Q/A jokes
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Subj:     Blonde Goes To Work After Many Years (S592b)
          From: darrellvip on 5/16/2008

This very short movie is cute. Click 'HERE' to see it.

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Subj:     Blonde Wins Contest (S358)
          From: RFSlick on 12/7/2003

A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel
and win" sticker on her coffee cup. She peels it off and
starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor
home!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is
a free lunch." But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a
motor home! I've won a motor home!"

Finally the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry,
but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly have won a motor
home because we didn't have that as a prize!"

The blonde says, "No it's not a mistake. I've won a motor
home!" She hands the ticket to the manager and he reads...
(You're gonna love this)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
" W I N A B A G E L"

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Subj:     Not So Dumb Blonde Gets Time Off (S357b)
          From: Imogenelumen on 11/16/2003

Two factory workers were talking. "I know how to get some
time off from work." said the man.

"How do you think you will do that?" said the blonde.

He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and
hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker
hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was
doing?

"I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.

"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man
jumped down and walked out of the factory.

The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her where
did she think she was going? "Home. I can't work in the dark".

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Subj:     Blonde Needs A Car Part
          From: pns on 11/11/2002

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local
garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked,
"What's a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "you know, the
little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it
and need a new one."

He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw
what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the
middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car
which had it's hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."

Click "Here" to see the auto part.

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Subj:     Two Sisters Buy A Bull (S278b, S516)
          From: coreymac on 5/28/2002
      and From: auntiegah on 12/6/2006

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the
family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years,
they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the
bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase
a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon
leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get
there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to
drive out after me and haul it home.'

The Brunette arrives at the mans ranch, inspects the bull
and decides to buy it. The man tells her that he will
sell it for $599 no less. After paying him, she drives
to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell
her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office and says I want to
send a telegram to my sister telling her that I bought a
bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to
our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it
home. The telegraph operator explains that he'll be
happy to help her out, and then adds that it will be
0.99 cents a word, she realizes that after paying for
the bull she only had a dollar left, she would only be
able to send her sister one word, she thinks for a minute
and nods her head and says I want to send my sister the
word "comfortable".

The telegraph operator says how is she going to know that
you want her to hitch the trailer up to the truck and come
and pick you up with the word comfortable? The brunette
explains my sister is a blonde the word's big so she'll
read it slow (COM-FOR-DA-BUL).

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Subj:     Blonde Does Jigsaw Puzzle (S126b, S351b)
          From: thebartend on 6/29/99
      and From: Imogenelumen on 10/17/2003

A blonde calls her boyfriend on the phone with a problem.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard.
None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."

"What's the picture of?" he asks.

"It's of a big rooster," she replies.

"All right," he says, "I'll come over and have a look."

When he arrives, she thanks him for coming over and leads
him over to the kitchen table where she has it laid out.

He takes one look at what she's been struggling with and
says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going
to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling
a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you
to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he
sighed, "...let's put all these cornflakes back in the box."

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Subj:     Blonde Kidnaps Young Boy (S121)
          From: kate289 on 5/25/99

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money,
she decided to kidnap a kid for ransom. She went to the
playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told
him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under
the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the
playground. Signed, A Blonde." The blonde then pinned the
note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his
parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper
bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened
the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How
could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

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Subj:     Mirror, Mirror (S99, S369b)
          From: RFSlick on 98-12-06
      and From: Grampsboyd on 2/15/2004

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in
the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one
stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one
is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - *poof*
- you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never
to be seen again.

Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the
Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I
think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." - -
*poof* The mirror swallows her.

Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror
and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." - -
*poof* The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands
before the mirror and says, "I think..." - - - *poof*

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Subj:     "What Is Easter?" Blonde Version (S57, S168)
..........From: Anaise on 98-03-04

Three blondes have died and are at the pearly gates of
heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates
if they can answer one simple question.

St.Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in
November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and all
are thankful."

"Wrong!" replies St. Peter and proceeds to ask the second
blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"

The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December
when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents,and celebrate
the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in
disgust, tells her she's wrong, then peers over his glasses
at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in
the eyes. "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the
Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples
were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived
and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The
Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the
side, made to wear a crown of thorns,and was hung on a
cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a
nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is
moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his
shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

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Subj:     Three Blondes Fishing
          From: Anaise on 98-01-24

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding
fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden
comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says,
"Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.

"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses."
said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing.
We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're
collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough,
there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden,
"take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game
Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three
blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish
Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he
know that there are steelhead in this river?!"

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Subj:     Three Blondes In The Woods (S516)

Three blondes are walking through the forest. They come
upon some tracks. The first blonde says "They're deer
tracks." The second blonde says "They're bear tracks."
The third blonde says "They're moose tracks." Then a
train hits them.

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Subj:     Blonde Dyes Her Hair (S21)
          From: ipkis on 97-06-17

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde
jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days
later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she
stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.

Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!" The blonde
thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said,
"352." This being the correct number, the shepherd
was amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to
my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."

The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally
picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than
any of the others. As she got back into her car, the shepherd
turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for
you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog
back?"

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Subj:     The Blonde And The Contractor (S286c)
          From: auntiegah on 7/24/2002

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her
job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window,
opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second
room she told the painter she would like it painted in a
soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window,
opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the
third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose
color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window,
opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes
laying sod across the street."

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Subj:     The Blonde Interview (S240)
          From TNKRTEACH on 97-04-17
      and From: pns on 9/6/2001

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The
interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss,
can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30
seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 22!".

The interviewer tries another straight forward one to
break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?".

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape
from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot
and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks
the measurement and announces "Five foot two!".

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the
real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records,
your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about
twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,
before replying "Mandy!".

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so
he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand
your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and
the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what
were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Ohh that!", replies the blonde, "That's just me running
through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....' ".

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Subj:     The Blonde Interview II (S387b)
          From: RFSlick on 4/7/2002

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same
job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in,
and after filling out the forms and going through the
questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last
question:

"How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES"?
The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".

The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll
get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining
candidates.

The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and
at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"?
She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK,
we'll let you know".

Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the
questions, and finally gets asked "How many D's are there
in INDIANA JONES".

She gets a very serious look on her face and starts
counting her fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm –
wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your calculator please?"

After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating,
she finally comes up with the answer: "Thirty two"

The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me,
how the hell did you arrive at this answer?"

To hear her response to the question "How many D's are in
Indiana Jones?"

Double -Click this

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Subj:     Blonde Pulled Over By Highway Patrol (S423b)
          From: LABLaughsClean on 2/25/2005

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red
sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer,
who was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She
dug through her purse and was getting progressively more
agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your
picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it
and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it
back saying,

"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.

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Subj:     Blonde Stopped By Cop (S28)
          From: TheBartend on 97-08-05
          (See 'Wheel Chair Demon' in ELDERLY2)

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car
for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to
roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides
the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop
dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... could I see
your drivers license...?"

"...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly
giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to
find it.

"Now may I see your registration?.." asked the cop.

"Registration?..... What's that....?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop
impatiently.

After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back
to his car.

The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the
woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the
dispatcher came back; "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red
sports car?"

"Yes...." replied the officer.

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher.

"Uh... yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the
stuff back, and drop your pants..."

"WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and
registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs..."Ohh no... not ANOTHER
breathalyzer..."

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Subj:     Blonde On An Airline (S405)
          From: hellgunner50 on 10/20/2004

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy
class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits
down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to
see her ticket. She tells the blonde that she paid for the
economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies. "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going
to Houston and I'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the
pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting
in first class that belongs in economy and won't move back
to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries
to explain that because she only paid for economy, she will
have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies. "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going
to Houston and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have
the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde
woman who won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "You
say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to
a blonde. I speak blonde.

The pilot goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear.
The blonde says, "Oh, I'm sorry." She gets up and goes
back to her seat in economy. The flight attendant and the
co_pilot are amazed and ask the pilot what he said to make
her move without and fuss.

.......

"I told her that first class isn't going to Houston"!

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Subj:     Blonde On An Airline2 (S318b)
          From: LABLaughs.com on 2/17/2003

A Blonde gets an oppurtunity to fly to a nearby country.
She's never been on an airplane anywhere and is now so
excited and tensed. As soon as she boarded the plane, a
BOEING 747, started jumping in excitement, running over
seat to seat and shouting 'BOEING!! BOEING!! BOEING!!
BOEING....'. She forgets what's around, and even the
pilot in the cock-pit could hear the noise.

Annoyed by the sound, the Pilot came out and shouted 'BE
SILENT!'.

There was pin-drop silence every where and everybody is
looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She starred at
the Pilot in silence for a moment and all of a sudden
started shouting, 'OEING! OEING!! OEING!! OEING!!!...'.

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Subj:     Blond Dies And Goes To Heaven

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the
Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get
to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."

"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd
make it easy.

"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.

The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"

"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint
Peter

Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks
with me! Andy tells me..."

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Subj:     Boyfriend Is Buying Flowers (S05)
          From: thebartend on 09/22/1999
          (Also see 'What To Do With The Roses' in MARRIAGE2)

Blonde and Brunette friends are walking down the street and
pass a flower shop, where the Brunette happens to see her boy-
friend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boy-
friend is buying me flowers again.....for no reason."

The Blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big
deal, don't you like getting flowers?"

The Brunette says, "Oh, sure...but he always has expectations
after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending
the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The Blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

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Subj:     Blonde Proves She Is Smart
          Compiled by Max Weinstein on 11/15/94

A blonde friend of mine was getting real tired of hearing
blonde jokes, so she decided to do something about it. In
order to prove that not all blondes were stupid, she spent
a couple of days studying a United States map and memorized
all the capitols for all the states.

The next time she was with a group of people, someone
started telling a blonde joke. "Hey", she said, "not all
blondes are stupid and I can prove it. Give the name of
any state and I'll tell you it's capitol."

"Vermont," someone called out.

"V," she replied with a smile.

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Subj:     Three Pregnant Ladies Having Exams (S491)
          From: Medical Humor on 6/21/2006
Source: http://www.asbestos-mesothelioma.tv/jokes02.html

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having
pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the first woman "in
what position was the baby conceived?"
"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"You will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?"

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Subj:     Three Ladies In A Bar
          From: Scott's Joke Archive on 5/31/97

Three young ladies walk into a bar. One's a brunette, one's
a red-head, and one's a blonde.

The bartender asks the brunette, "What'll it be?"

She answers, "I'll have an 'ML' ."

The bartender asks, "What's an ML?"

"Duh...Miller Lite...Don't you know anything?" she says.
She gets her beer and steps away.

The red-head is then asked what she wants. "I'll have a 'BL'. "

"What in the world is a 'BL'?" asks the bartender.

She blurts out, "Duuh...Bud Lite...Don't you know anything?"

Feeling a little put down but not wanting to show it, the
bartender gives her the drink and then asks the blonde,
"Now what can I get for you?"

The blonde answers, "I'll have a '15'."

"Now I've heard it all," says the bartender, "What the heck is a 15?"

"Duh," says the blonde. "It's seven and seven!"

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Subj:     Blonde Enters Swimming Contest (S116)
          From: ipkis on 97-06-11
      and From: collins2 on 4/26/99

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and a redhead in the
Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first and the redhead was a close second.
Much later, the blonde finally reached shore, completely
exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she
muttered "I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think
those other two girls used their arms."

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Subj:     Blonde In Vegas
          From: ipkis on 97-06-15

In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a
coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs
away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding
the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping
out the drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her
antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if
someone else could have a go.

The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you
see I'm winning?"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Blonde's Revenge
          From: TNKRTEACH on 97-07-13

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her
husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and
buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with
a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her
own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her
not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to
the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Hurt Woman At The Doctor (S141, S453)
          From: ipkis on 97-07-18
      and From: DoctorDebt on 9/18/2005

A woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are
you hurting?" asked the doctor.

"You have to help me, I hurt all over," said the woman.

"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little
more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and
yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek
and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too!" Next she touched
her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts!" she cried.

The doctor then asks, "You're not really a natural brunette,
are you?"

"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," said the doctor. "You have a sprained finger."

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Blonde Cashier
          From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97

Last week while I was out on the West Coast, my boss and I
stopped by a super market in Palo Alto/Mt. View to get
some fruit. I got in line with this blonde cashier, paid
for my groceries and commented to the teenage boy bagging
my purchases that I really look forward to California
because the fruit is so much better than the stuff on the
East Coast. He smiled and nodded, and I picked up my bag
and left.

A few minutes later my boss, who was behind me in line,
came out and related the following story:

The young Mexican boy who was bagging asked "Where's the
East Coast?"

Replied the blonde checkout girl, with her nose in the air,
"You know, the East coast. Out east, by the Atlantic Ocean."

"Oh, I see. What are some of the states?"

The blonde, who seemed to be getting frustrated at having to
deal with such an ignorant person, replied in a really
condescending tone, "You know, New York, New Jersey,
Connecticut, Long Island...."

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Subj:     Blonde In A Car Accident
          From: Max's Humor Archive on 07/15/97

A blonde call girl was being driven to a secluded spot by a
client when his car left the road, hit a tree and she was
flung through the windshield.

She was rushed to the hospital with blood pouring from her
head and face. Once at the hospital she clamped her hands
to her face and began to scream "I'm blind. I'm blind.
Fetch me a doctor quick." A doctor was summoned and quickly
deduced that it was the blood from her wounds which were
blocking her vision and he tried to reassure her to this
effect. She, however, insisted, continuing to shout. "I'm
blind f'chris'sake. I'm blind. The doctor pried away her
hands from her face and began to wash away the blood from
her eyes.

When he had removed what he considered enough, he stood back
and said "How many fingers do I have up?"

The call girl thought for a few seconds then a look of horror
spread across her face. "Oh God!" she exclaimed. "I'm
paralyzed too!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     A Blonde And A Redhead Watch The News (S220)
          From: TheBartend on 97-08-15
      and From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 4/18/2001

A blond and a redhead woman went to lunch. They had to wait
for their table so they sat in the bar and had a drink. The
TV was on and they noticed the news was showing a man on a
rooftop threatening to jump. The redhead told the blond "I
bet you 50 bucks he jumps." The blond said you're on. Sure
enough the man jumped so the blond starts to dig out her
money.

The redhead felt kind of bad so she said "that's ok, I
cheated. I saw this on the 10 o'clock news last night. The
blond said "Well so did I, but I didn't think he would jump
twice in a row!!

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Blonde Wants To Send Message To Her Mother (S30, S381)
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #173 on 97-08-17
      and From: DoctorDebt on 5/16/2004

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a
message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it
will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but
I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in
Poland!!!"

To that the man asks, "Anything??"

And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"

With that, the man says, "Follow me." He walks into the
next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does. He then says, "Get on your knees." She does.
He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does!! He then
says, "Go ahead, take it out." With that, she takes it
out and takes hold of it with both hands. The man then
says, "Well, go ahead!"

She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it
close to her lips, she says, "Hello....mom?"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Ten Blondes Chant '51 Days' At Bar
          From: humorlist-digest V1 #229 on 97-10-22

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day,
when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant
blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of
champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit
down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses
are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days,
51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and
the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more
blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in
raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under
her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in
the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they
begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all
the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so
he walks over to the table. There in the center is a
beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster.

When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender
asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and
celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone
thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us.
So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got
together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The
side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in
51 days!"

                            \\\//
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Subj:     Blonde Moment (Drawing - S387)
          From: mrx on 6/14/2004
          at http://www.ezines4all.com/at200404/009.htm

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Smiley the Playboy Bunny from
Smiliemania.da

.