Subj: Blonde2 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 61 jokes and articles)
Blonde Man from
ARG! Cartoon Aimation Studio
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Subj: Blonde2 Jokes (Gz) (Includes 61 jokes and articles) |
|
Blonde Man from ARG! Cartoon Aimation Studio |
Also see PENIS1 file - 'Sun Burned
Dick'
BLONDE1 & 2 file contains jokes
BLONDE3 file contains Q&A jokes
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| Subj:
Dumb Blonde On Game Show (S571)
From: darrellvip on 12/31/2007 |
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Subj: Blonde
Burial At Sea (S596b)
From: rfslick on 6/18/2008
Chrisy and Barbie, two blonde
sisters had promised their
uncle, who had been a seafaring
gentleman all his life,
to bury him at sea when he died.
Of course, in due time, he did
pass away and the two blondes
kept their promise. They
set off from Clearwater Beach with
their uncle all stitched up
in a burial bag and loaded onto
their rowboat.
After a while Chrisy says, 'Do
you think we're out far enough,
Barbie?' Barbie slipped
over the side and finding the water
only knee deep said, 'nope,
not yet Chrisy'. So they rowed a
little farther...
Again Chrisy asks Barbie, 'Do
you think we're out far enough
now?
Once again Barbie slips over
the side and almost immediately
says, 'No, this will never do,
the water is only up to my chest.'
So on they row and row and row,
and finally Barbie slips over
the side and disappears.
Quite a bit of time goes by and poor
Chrisy is really getting worried
when suddenly Barbie breaks
the surface gasping for breath.
'Well is it deep enough yet,
Sis?'
'Yes, finally. Hand me the shovel.'
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Subj: Blonde
Football (S350b)
From: JBCARY1 on 10/9/2003
A guy took his blonde girlfriend
to her first football game.
They had great seats right
behind the bench. After the
game, he asked her how she liked
the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she
said, "especially the really
tight pants and all of the big
muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing
each other for 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What on earth do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin
and one team got it and then
for the rest of the game, all
they kept screaming was: "Get
the quarter back! Get
the quarter back!"
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Subj: Blonde
Wants To Cross The Street (S335, S570c)
From: LABLaughs.com on 6/18/2003
The traffic light wasn't working
on the corner of Broadway
and 72nd Street, so the blonde
stood with a large crowd of
people waiting to cross, while
a cop directed traffic.
Finally, the cop blew his whistle,
motioned to the crowd,
and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!"
The throng surged across
Broadway -- all except the blonde,
who stayed on the corner.
When the walkers were safely
on the other side of the
street, the cop moved the cross-traffic
through the
intersection. Half a minute
later, he stopped the cars on
Broadway and sent the 72nd Street
traffic into motion.
Again, he got around to the blonde's
corner, where by this
time she had again been joined
by a crowd of people.
Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!"
The crowd crossed the street,
but again the blonde stayed
put. She looked at her
watch and tapped her foot but never
budged from the sidewalk.
Finally, after the cop yelled
"Okay, pedestrians!" for the
third time, the blonde shouted
across traffic, "Yo!
Officer! Isn't it about
time you let the Catholics cross?"
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Subj: Blonde
Prays To God For Lotto Win (S333b)
From: Grampsboyd on 5/28/2003
A blonde finds herself in serious
trouble. Her business
has gone bust and she's in dire
financial straits. She's
so desperate that she decides
to ask God for help. She
begins to pray... "God, please
help me. I've lost my
business and if I don't get
some money, I'm going to lose
my house as well. Please let
me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.
She again prays... "God, please
let me win the lotto!
I've lost my business, my house
and I'm going to lose my
car as well." The Lotto night
comes and she still has no
luck.
Once again, she prays... "My
God, why have You forsaken me?
I've lost my business, my house,
and my car. My children
are starving. I don't often
ask You for help, and I have
always been a good servant to
You.
PLEASE let me win the lotto just
this one time so I can get
my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding
flash of light as the heavens
open. The blonde is overwhelmed
by the Voice of God Himself...
"Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket."
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Subj: Blonde
Tries To Commit Suicide (S298b)
From: flovilla on 10/13/2002
A blonde hurries into the emergency
romm late one night
with the tip of her index finger
shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor.
"You tried to commit suicide by shooting you finger off?"
"No silly!" the blonde said.
"First I put the gun to my
chest, and I thought: I just
paid $6,000 for these breast
implants, I'm not shooting myself
in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth,
and I thought: I just paid
$3,000 to get my teeth straightned,
I'm not shooting myself
in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun in my ear,
and I thought; This is going
to make a loud noise.
So I put my finger in the other ears
before I pulled the trigger."
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Subj: Blonde
Gets Windows Installed (S269c)
From: Anaise on 3/26/2002
A young blonde lady had the windows
in her house replaced
with new double-insulated energy
efficient windows.
Twelve months later she gets
a call from the contractor,
complaining that the work has
been done for a year and
she has yet to make the first
payment.
The blonde replies, "Now don't
try to pull a fast one on
me! The salesman who sold
me those told me that in one
year they would pay for themselves."
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Subj: Blonde
Painter (S200)
From: BartendJOTD on 11/30/2000
A blonde decides one day that
she is sick and tired of all
these blond jokes, and of how
all blondes are perceived as
stupid, so she decides to show
her husband that blondes
really are smart. While
her husband is off at work, she
decides that she is going to
paint a couple of rooms in the
house.
The next day, right after her
husband leaves for work, she
gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at
5:30 and smells the distinctive
smell of paint. He walks
into the living room and finds
his wife lying on the floor
in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing
a ski jacket and a fur coat
at the same time. He rushes
over and says, "Jeez, are you
all right?" She slowly
nods her head yes. "What are you
doing?" he asks incredulously.
"I wanted to prove that not
all blonde women are dumb,"
she started, "and I wanted to
do it by painting the house."
"Well why do you have both
a ski jacket and a fur coat
on?" he asked dumbfounded.
"Well," she says, "I was reading
the directions on the paint
can and it said: For best results,
put on two coats."
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Subj: Blonde
Rents Porn Tape (S174)
From: thebartend on 6/3/00
A blonde decides to do something
wild that she hasn't done
before --rent her first X-rated
adult video. She goes to
the video store and after looking
around for a while,
selects a title that sounds
very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some
candles, slips into something
comfortable, and puts the tape
in the VCR. To her disap-
pointment, there's nothing but
static on the screen, so
she calls the video store to
complain.
The blonde says, "I just rented
an adult movie from you,
and there's nothing on the tape
but static."
The store clerk replies, "Sorry
about that. We've had
problems with some of those
tapes. Which title did you
rent?"
The blonde says, "It's called Head Cleaner."
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Subj: Blonde
Answers Questions To Become Deputy (S169, S377)
From: collins2 on 4/17/00
and
From: Grampsboyd on 4/7/2004
The local sheriff was looking
for a deputy, so a blonde
went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled. "What is 1 and 1?"
"Eleven," she replied.
The sheriff thought to himself,
"That`s not what I meant,
but she`s right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter `T`?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that the
blonde supplied a correct
answer that he had never thought
of himself.
"Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
The blonde looked a little surprised
herself, then thought
really hard for a minute and
finally admitted, "I don`t know."
"Well, why don`t you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, the blonde wandered over
to the beauty parlor, where her
pals were waiting to hear the
results of the interview. The
blonde was exultant.
"It went great! First day
on the job and I`m already working
on a murder case!"
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Subj: Goldie
Meets Man On Beach (S167)
From: thebartend on 4/12/00
Goldie was sitting on a beach
in Florida, attempting to strike
up a conversation with the attractive
gentleman reading on the
blanket beside hers. "Hello,
sir," she said, "Do you like
movies?"
"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"
The man again looked up from
his book. "Yes, I do," he said
politely before returning to
his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man dropped his
book and pounced on Goldie,
ravaging her as she'd never
been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to
settle, Goldie dragged herself
to a sitting position and panted,
"How did you know that was
what I wanted?"
The man thought for a moment
and replied, "How did you know
my name was Katz?"
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Subj: Blonde's
Car Breaks Down (S135, S524)
From: collins2 on 3/5/00
and
From: darrell94590 on 1/30/2007
A blonde's car gets a flat tire
on the Interstate one day.
So she eases it over onto the
shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the
car and opens the trunk.
Takes out two cardboard men,
unfolds them and stands them
at the rear of the vehicle facing
oncoming traffic. The
lifelike cardboard men are in
trench coats exposing their
nude bodies to approaching drivers...
Not surprisingly, the traffic
became snarled and backed up.
It wasn't very long before a
police car arrives.
The Officer, clearly enraged,
approaches the blonde of the
disabled vehicle yelling, "What
is going on here?"
"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.
"Well, what the hell are these
obscene cardboard pictures
doing here by the road?!" asks
the Officer...
And she said....
(This is good...)
(Ready?)
(Remember, she's a blonde...)
"Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.
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Subj: Blonde's
Wife Has Heart Attack (S139)
From: collins2 10/01/1999
A blonde guy gets home early
from work and hears strange
noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to
find his wife naked on the bed,
sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab
the phone, but just as he's
dialing, his 4-year-old son
comes up and says, "Daddy!
Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding
in your closet and he's got
no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down
and storms upstairs into
the bedroom, past his screaming
wife, and rips open the
wardrobe door. Sure enough,
there is his brother,
totally naked, cowering on the
closet floor. "You rotten
bastard, "says the husband,
"my wife's having a heart
attack and you're running around
naked scaring the kids!"
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Subj: Blonde,
Brunette, & Redhead In Desert (S137)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 8/30/99
There's a blonde, a brunette,
and a redhead traveling
through the desert when their
car suddenly stalls. They
all get out of the car and,
upon realizing that it's not
going to start, they each take
one thing from the car.
The brunette takes a bottle
of water, the redhead takes a
bag of food with her, and the
blonde takes the car door.
They begin to walk through the
desert, and soon stop to
rest. At this point the
blonde and the brunette turn to
the redhead and ask her why
she brought the food. She
replies, "Well, in case I get
hungry I'll have something
to eat."
They all think this is pretty
reasonable and then the
redhead and the blonde turn
to the brunette and ask her
why she decided to bring water.
The brunette replies,
"Well, in case I got thirsty
I'll have something to drink."
They all decide that's a good
idea, too.
Finally, the brunette and the
redhead turn to the blonde
and ask her why on earth she
would take the car door. She
replies, "Well, I thought if
I got hot I could roll down
the window."
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Subj: The
Ventiloquist (S129, S338)
From: RFSlick on 7/14/99
and
From: LABLaughs.com on 7/20/2003
(Also see 'Ventriloquist
Takes Act To Mississippi' in REDNECK3)
A young ventriloquist is touring
the clubs and stops to
entertain at a bar in a small
town. He`s going through his
usual run of stupid blonde jokes,
when a big blonde woman
in the fourth row stands on
her chair and says, "I`ve heard
just about enough of your denigrating
blonde jokes, asshole!
What makes you think you can
stereotype women that way?
What does a person`s physical
attributes have to do with
their worth as a human being?
It`s guys like you who keep
women like me from being respected
at work and in my
community, of reaching my full
potential as a person, because
you and your kind continue to
perpetuate discrimination
against not only blondes but
women at large - all in the name
of humor!"
Flustered, the ventriloquist
begins to apologize, when the
blonde pipes up, "You stay out
of this. Mister, I`m talking
to that little guy on your knee!"
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Subj: Contest
Judges (S413b)
From: BennoRo on 12/23/2004
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Subj: Two
Blonde Bank Robbers (S123)
From: KMacinty on 6/1/99
Two blondes decided to rob a
bank together. The first
blonde, Judy, plans the robbery
and goes over the plan
with the second blonde, Buffie,
in great detail.
The robbery begins. Judy
drives up in front of the bank,
stops the car and says to Buffie,
"I want to make absolutely
sure you understand the plan.
You are supposed to be in and
out of the bank in no more than
three minutes with the cash.
Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Buffie.
Buffie goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes . . .
Two minutes pass . . .
Seven minutes pass . . . and Judy is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst
open! And here comes Buffie.
She's got a safe wrapped up
in rope and is dragging it to
the car. About the time
she gets the safe in the trunk of
the car, the bank doors burst
open again with the security
guard coming out. The
guard's pants and underwear are down
around his ankles while he is
firing his weapon.
As the gals are getting away,
Judy says "You are such a
blonde! I thought you
understood the plan!"
Buffie said, "I did. I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Judy.
"You got it all mixed up. I
said tie up the GUARD and blow
the SAFE!"
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Subj: Brunette
Jokes (S121)
From: KMacinty on 5/24/99
Well, the blondes finally got
their act together
and got back at the brunettes.
Here's their revenge:
Q: What do you call going on
a blind date with a brunette?
A: Brown-bagging it.
Q: What's the real reason a brunette
keeps her figure?
A: No one else wants it.
Q: Why are so many blonde jokes
one-liners?
A: So brunettes can remember
them.
Q: What do you call a brunette
in a room full of blondes?
A: Invisible.
Q: What's a brunette's mating
call?
A: "Has the blonde left yet?"
Q: Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes?
A: The hair from a buffalo's
butt was more manageable.
Q: What do brunettes miss most
about a great party?
A: The invitation
Q: What do you call a good looking
man with a brunette?
A: A hostage
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Subj: A Blonde
Stuck In A Snow Storm (S119, S369)
From: RFSlick on 5/12/99
and
From: Grampsboyd on 2/14/2004
(See 'Snowplowing
In Ottawa' in CANADIAN)
A blonde got lost in her car
in a snow storm. She remembered
what her dad had once told her.
"If you ever get stuck in a
snow storm, wait for a snow
plow and follow it."
Pretty soon a snow plow came
by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about
forty five minutes. Finally
the driver of the truck got
out and asked her what she was
doing. She explained that
her dad had told her if she ever
got stuck in the snow, to follow
a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well,
I'm done with Wal-Mart,
now you can follow me over to
K-Mart"
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Subj: Boss
Leaves Early (S85)
From: FrankRoesc on 98-09-17
Several girls all work in the
same office with the same
female boss. Every day,
they noticed the boss left work
early. One day, the girls
decided that, when the boss left,
they'd be right behind her.
After all, she never called or
came back, so how was she to
know?
The brunette was thrilled to
be home early. She did a
little gardening and went to
bed early. The redhead was
elated to be able to get in
a quick workout at her spa
before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy happy
happy to be home, but when she
got to her bedroom she
heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly, quietly, she
cracked open the door and was
mortified to see her husband
in bed with HER BOSS!!!
Ever so gently, she closed the
door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at coffee break,
the brunette and redhead
mentioned leaving early again,
and asked the blonde if she
was with them. "Hell no!," she
exclaimed, "I almost got
caught yesterday!"
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Subj: How
Do U Keep A Blonde Amused For Hours? (S68)
From: RFSlick on 98-05-19
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Subj: The
Official Blondes Sex Quiz. (S283)
Compiled by Max Weinstein on 11/15/94
TRUE-FALSE 1. Pubic hair
is a wild rabbit in Colorado.
2. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird.
3. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
4. The G-string is part of a violin.
5. Anus is the latin word for yearly.
6. Testicles are found on an octopus.
7. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryon, Texas.
8. Fetus is a charactor in "Gunsmoke".
9. An unbilical chord is part of a parachute.
10. A diaphram is a drawing in geometry.
11. A lesbian is a person from the middle east.
12. Sodomy is a special kind of fast growing grass.
13. Genitals are people of non-jewish origins.
14. Douche is the Italian word for twelve.
15. An enema is someone who is not your friend.
16. Scrotum is a small moon orbiting Uranus.
17. Climax is a weather balloon.
18. Condom is a small apartment complex.
19. Homo is pasturized milk from Nebraska.
20. Menopause is a button on the VHS remote control.
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Subj: Short
Blonde Jokes
 |
Subj:
A Little Blonde Test (S578b)
From: tom on 2/2/2008 |
| Subj:
T-G-I-F (S273, S460b)
From: RFSlick on 4/19/2002 and From: darrell94590 on 11/17/06 |
 |
Top
Subj: Blonde
Vs Roe & Wade (S308b)
From: pns on 12/22/2002
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth
year as a UCLA freshman, sat
in her US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if
she knew what Roe vs. Wade was
about. Bambi pondered the
question then finally said,
"That was the decision George
Washington had to make before
he crossed the Delaware."
Top
Subj: Extinction
Of Blondes (S296)
From: jerry on 10/1/2002
Bonehead award one goes to CNN,
ABC News, Reuters, Stuff
(New Zealand), The London Daily
Mail, the BBC and a host
of other large media news sources
which reported yesterday
that the World Health Organization
(WHO) concluded that
blonds would become extinct
by 2202 owing to the blond
gene being recessive.
WHO never released such a report,
for those of you who
still believe that the media
always checks their stories
for accuracy.
Australian Broadcasting Corp
2-Oct-02
Top
Subj: Cosmetic
Surgery (S280)
From: http://www.twistedhumor.com
on 9/30/2000
Two women were having lunch
together, and discussing the
merits of cosmetic surgery.
The first woman says, "I
need to be honest with you,
I'm getting a boob job."
The second woman says "Oh that's
nothing, I'm thinking
of having my asshole bleached!"
To which the first replies, "Whoa
I just can't picture
your husband as a blonde!"
Top
Subj: Where
Babies Come From (S241)
From: thebartend on 9/12/2001
A blonde teenage girl comes
home from school and asks her
mother, "Is it true what Rita
just told me... babies come
out of the same place where
boys put their thingies?"
"Yes, dear," replies her mother,
pleased that the subject
had finally come up, and she
wouldn't have to explain it
to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby,"
responded the blonde
teenager "won't it knock my
teeth out?"
Top
Subj: Blonde
Walks With Her Blouse Open (S293b)
From: coreymac on 9/10/2002
A blonde is walking down the
street with her blouse open
and her right breast hanging
out. A policeman approaches
her and says, "Ma'am, are you
aware that I could cite you
for indecent exposure?" She
says, Why, officer?" "Because
your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH
MY GOD, I left the baby on the
bus again!"
Top
Subj: Blonde's
Wife Has Baby (S187)
From: JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com on 08/25/2000
A blond man frantically calls
911 and says, "Help...my wife
has gone into labor and her
contractions are 10 minutes apart".
The 911 operator asks, "is this her first child?"
To which the blond replies, "Of
course not, you idiot...this
is her husband".
Top
Subj: Blonde's
Car Is Dented (S173)
From: collins2 on 5/22/00
A blonde is driving home one
night when her car is hit by a
bad hailstorm, leaving hundreds
of dents. The next day she
goes to a body shop for a repair
estimate. The repairman
winks at his buddy and tells
the blonde that if she blows
into the tailpipe really hard,
the dents will just pop out.
After she arrive home, she blows
with all her might into the
exhaust pipe. Her roommate
asks what she's doing. The blonde
explains the repairman's tip.
"But it doesn't work," she say,
pausing to catch her breath.
"Duh!" replies her friend.
"You have to roll up the windows
first!"
Top
Subj: Blonde
And The State Capitals
From: PGSP4LIFE on 10/03/1999
See 'Blonde
Proves She Is Smart' in BLONDE1 file
Top
Subj: Head
And Shoulders (S127)
From: FrankRoesc on 7/1/99
A blonde and a brunette were
both in an elevator. On the
third floor a man got on who
was perfect: Italian suit,
handsome, great build with a
nice butt, but unfortunately
they both notice he has a bad
case of dandruff.
The man got off on the 5th floor.
Once the doors close, the brunette
turned to the blonde
and said, "Someone should give
him Head and Shoulders."
To which the blonde replied,
"How do you give Shoulders???"
Top
Subj: Blonde
Plays Trivial Pursuit (S102, S358)
From: humorlist-digest V3 #5 on 99-01-06
and
From: Imogenelumen on 12/9/2003
A blonde was playing Trivial
Pursuit one night. It was
her turn, she rolled the dice
and she landed on "Science
& Nature". Her question
was, "If you are in a vacuum
and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then
asked, "Is it on or off?"
Top
Subj: Swimming
Race
From: RBishop707 on 97-11-13
So there's a blonde, brunette,
and a red-head that are
to race from an island to shore,
doing the breast-stroke.
They all start out from the
island together. The brunette
comes in first. The red-head
comes in second. Hours
later the blonde arrives at
the shore and everyone asks,
"What happened to you?!"
The blonde replies, "Well, I
don't want to complain, but
those other women used their
arms!"
Top
Subj: A Brunette
Says '21' (S56)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #49 on 98-02-20
A brunette is standing on some
train tracks, jumping from
rail to rail, saying "21" "21"
"21".
A Blonde walks up, sees her and
decides to join her. She
also starts jumping from rail
to rail, saying "21" "21" "21".
Suddenly, the brunette hears
a train whistle, and she jumps
off the tracks just as the Blonde
is splattered all over the
place. The brunette goes
back to jumping from rail to rail,
counting, "22" "22""22".
Top
Subj: Blonde
Buys A Thermos
From: DR SWITZER on 98-04-24
There's this blonde who walks
into a convenient store. She
picks up a thermos and asks
the clerk, "What is this thing?"
The clerk respondes, "It's a
thermos. It keeps hot things
hot and cold things cold."
"Neat," says the blonde and buys the thermos.
The next day she goes to work
with her new thermos. A co-
worker asks her, "I like your
new thermos. What do you have
in it?" She proudly says, "Two
cups of coffee and a popsicle."
Top
Subj: A Blonde
And The Coke Machine
From: Tom_Adams on 98-04-29
A blonde walks up to a Coke
machine and puts in a coin.
Out pops a coke. The blonde
looks amazed and runs away
to get some more coins.
She returns and starts feeding
the machine madly and of course
the machine keeps feeding
out drinks. Another person walks
up behind the blonde and
watches her antics for a few
minutes before stopping her
and asking if someone else could
have a go. The blonde
spins around and shouts in her
face: "Can't you see I'm
winning."
Did you hear about the blonde
that went to library and
checked out a book called "How
to Hug"? Got back to the
dorm and found out it was volume
seven of the encyclopaedia.
A blonde walked into a hardware
store, picked up the hinges
she was looking for, and went
to go pay for them. The clerk
asked her, "Need a screw for
those hinges?"
"No, but how about a blow job
for the shovel in the back?"
Two blondes were walking through
the woods when one looked
down and said "Oh, look at the
deer tracks." The other
blonde looks and says "Those
arn't deer tracks, those are
wolf tracks." "No.
Those are deer tracks." They keep
arguing, and arguing, and one
half hour later they were
both killed by a train.
A blonde goes into a bar.
The bartender asks her what she
would like, and she replies,
"Bring me a beer."
The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?"
To which she replies, "Fine
thanks, and how's your cock?"
From: http://www.thejokelibrary.com
on 12/26/03 (S360b)
Sherwin Williams has come out
with a new paint color called
"Blonde." -- It's not
very bright, but it spreads easy.
Brunette: "How many sheep
does it take to knit a sweater?"
Blonde: "I
didn't even know they could knit."
Brunette: "How's your insomnia?"
Blonde: "Even
worse. Now I can't sleep at work."
Brunette: "Why are you
so popular with the men?"
Blonde: "I
give up..." {Think about it...}
BLONDE #1: "Have you ever
read Shakespeare?"
BLONDE #2: "No, who wrote
it?"
A blonde caught for speeding
went before the judge.
The judge said, "What do you
want? 30 days or $30?"
--The blonde replied, "I'd like
the money. Thank you."
The blonde was over heard at
the little General Store,
saying, -- "Why do you call
this a general store if you
don't sell generals here?"
On an application blank, what
does a blonde put down for
SEX_____? -- YES!
Confucius say:
--"Blonde who fly upside down
have dark hairy crack up."
--"Blonde not all blonde by
cracky!"
The horny blonde says, "Wanna
play carnival? -- That's
where you sit on my face and
I try to guess your weight."
A cop stops a blonde driving
the wrong way on a one-way
street.
Cop: "Didn't
you see the arrows?"
Blonde: "I didn't even see the
Indians."
Two blondes were studying astronomy
together. "What's a
comet?" asked one.
"I think it's a star with a
tail," her friend answered.
"Oh, I see, sorta like Benji
huh?"
Two blondes observed in a parking
lot trying to unlock the
door of their Mercedes
with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get
this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better
hurry up and try harder,
its starting to
rain and the top is down!
The doctor told the blonde she
was
iron deficient, so she
took up nail biting.
Do you know why Barbie never
gets pregnant? 'cause Ken
comes in another box !
Three fourth graders, a brunette,
redhead and a blonde,
who is the smartest? The blonde
she is 16.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #178
A highway patrolman stopped
a blonde who had been driving
at a high rate of speed.
He told her that she had been
driving 90 miles an hour.
She exclaimed, "Why officer,
that's impossible! I only left
my house about thirty
minutes ago!"
From: Bawdy.Net All Female Collage
#196 on 97-09-14
Two girlfriends were speeding
down the highway at well
over 90 mph. "Hey," asked
the brunette at the wheel,
"see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around
for a long look. "As a matter
of fact, I do."
"Fuck!" cursed the brunette.
"Are his flashers on?
The blonde turned around again.
"Yup...nope...yup...nope....yup....."
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #213 on 97-11-29
A man comes home from work one
night to catch his blonde
girlfriend sliding down the
banister, naked. He blurts
out, "What do you think you're
doing!?"
"Just heating up dinner." she replies.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #49 on 98-02-20
A Blonde and a brunette were
walking outside when the
brunette said "Oh, look at the
dead bird."
The Blonde looked skyward and said "Where, where?"
From: humorlist-digest V2 #87 on 98-04-09
A young blonde woman is distraught
because she fears her
husband is having an affair,
so she goes to a gun shop
and buys a handgun. The
next day she comes home to find
her husband in bed with a beautiful
redhead. She grabs
the gun and holds it to her
own head. The husband jumps
out of bed, begging and pleading
with her not to shoot
herself. Hysterically
the blonde responds to the husband,
"shut up...you're next!"
From: humorlist-digest V2 #297 on98-12-18
(S231b)
and From: Joke-Of-The-Day on 6/28/2001
I'm not offended by all the
dumb blonde jokes because I
know I'm not dumb... and I also
know that I'm not blonde.
-- Dolly Parton
From: LABLaughsClean on 11/24/2004
(S410b)
If You Only Have One Life To
Live,
Live It As If You Were A Blonde.
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